Chapter 4 4. Resistance

Without having to pass the exam (actually answering roughly the same questions), I went from middle school to high school, but Tong Peng didn't have a university. Yes, yes, one thing must be clarified here in advance.I went to the general department of Toho Gakuen, which is completely different from the music department that produced countless outstanding musicians like Seiji Ozawa.Because I like classical music inexplicably, people often misunderstand that I am a graduate of the music department, so hereby declare. I was in the Common Boys Division.The girls are all in completely different places (the music department is in the girls' department), and I don't participate in club exchange activities, so in the six years of junior high school, I have never been to the girls' department once.Long after graduation, when I mentioned to my classmates that I hadn’t been to the girls’ department, they were all shocked and said:

Have you ever slept with Tong Peng? It is said that after entering high school, you can no longer roam freely like you did in junior high school.In short, I was born at the peak of the baby boom, and it was the school year when the exam wars were fierce. Moreover, since we started to change the curriculum in that year, we are so-called experimental cases, and we have to face the examination system. From high school, we will be divided into classes based on grades. Those with good grades in major subjects such as mathematics or English are in Group A, and those with poor grades are in Group E. , divided into groups B, C, and D in the middle.

I was in the middle group until the third year of senior high school, neither going up nor going down. In short, I was divided into classes once a semester. If I got good test scores, I would go to the upper group, and if I didn’t, I would go down. It was quite strict.However, no matter how the teachers incited the students to be competitive, for me who lived a leisurely life in junior high school for three years, it had no effect at all, and I still maintained a calm demeanor. If I don't, I can't stand it. That kind of life, finally struggled through.In Schultz's "Snoopy and Charlie Brown" comics, there is an aggressive girl Ruth, and the younger brother Reinas who often hugs the blanket and sucks his fingers.When Ruth sent Reinas to school and said to walk slowly and be careful on the road, she must catch up and shout: Live well!I know this feeling well.

After I became a writer, I went to Tongpeng’s alma mater twice. Not only was the class teacher, but even the teacher who taught modern Mandarin couldn’t remember who I was (Mandarin is one of the few subjects I have achieved good grades in).It seems that I am a vague person. So, am I a serious student?True, perhaps earnest on the point of not being a troublemaker, but I have a strong dislike in my heart. That accelerated my love for the novel, and since then for the film.Whenever the teacher mentions an exam, I step away from studying hard step by step. TOEFL, my score is terrible.I let myself indulge in the world of novels, so as to forget the miserable memories, repeated again and again.

I know very well the state of mind of the hero of Hesse's "Under the Wheel".In Laktil's "The Rebel", it tells the story of a Jewish boy who was expelled from school, and the only boy who had friendship with a Jewish boy.I don't understand the Jewish question at all, but I have a wonderful impression on this novel, mostly because it happened to be my mood at that time. I can't escape the school that is right in front of me, and I can't escape the exam. In this way, I only have to read and write novels to protect myself.During that period, I had no manuscript paper, so I could only write my novels horizontally on report paper with very thin lines in densely packed small fonts.

The reason why I use report paper to write manuscripts is because the manuscript paper can only write 400 characters, and the reason is that I have to spend money to buy it.And the report paper is small enough that I can hide it under a large notebook. After returning home, I first spread out my math notes and problem sets, and the report paper was placed on it to write novels.When someone wanted to enter the room, he quickly hid the report paper under the notebook and pretended to be studying. When my mother came in with a snack, I felt sorry and my heart ached.Maybe my mother finds it inconceivable that I have worked so hard to memorize, why my grades are not getting better?

It was no longer suspense novels that were written at that time.I have imitated Holmes and wrote two or three articles, and I gave up halfway through one or two. I realized that I don’t know how to write suspense novels, (it’s strange why I’m writing this kind of thing now.) So I turned to ordinary novels.In short, I want to write suspense novels, and I am also very interested in the psychological description of scenery and characters, but the story has not been able to progress. Since I had no readers or editors, I felt that I didn’t have to force myself to write suspense novels, so I changed direction and rewrote knight novels set in medieval Europe.It was, so to speak, a distant world that removed me from all the circumstances that surrounded me.

The so-called novels of chivalry are not stories of adventure and romance. The triangular relationship between a young prince who is forced to marry politically, his older wife, and a knight who is loyal to the prince is quite a serious story.In fact, I don't have any information or material, and I just describe the castle with my imagination, or analyze the complex love mentality.If it was transcribed with manuscript paper, it would be a long novel of 1,500 manuscript papers, and now that I think about it, I feel amazing. As for the content, I can't write more than half of it.That was from freshman to sophomore year.

The opportunity for me to write this novel was that I was enthusiastic about Zwick's "Mary.Ant Warner. If it is Conan Doyle's "The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes" that gave me the opportunity to write novels, it is Zwick who made me decide to write for the rest of my life. Zwick, who was born in Austria and grew up in the elegant culture of Vienna, is completely different from Hesse's simple and old-fashioned style. He has a delicate nerve and a refined wit. Zwick was born in a wealthy family and grew up in an artistic atmosphere. At the age of sixteen, he published his first collection of poems and was hailed as a genius.At the age of twenty-six, he staged a play of his own creation in the most traditional Bruck Theater in Vienna.He is an artist and a model brought up in the happiest environment.

Compared with myself who didn't get what I wanted, how much I envy the writer Zwick, I think everyone can understand!Then, when I read his autobiography, "Yesterday's World," I was delighted to learn that the young Zwick barely recognized the value of sports and could not swim by eighteen.I learned to swim when I was seventeen. Then, he said a sentence in his autobiography: People who don’t pay attention to muscle training can still recover later. Only those who learn to open their minds when they are young can later capture the whole world in themselves.I excerpted it in the manual and told myself that's it.

Of course, I am passionate about Zwick, not because I envy his situation, but because his novels are really interesting. Zwick, who has learned from Freud, uses bold strokes in each short story to capture the enthusiasm of the world in an instant. "The Shepherd's Twenty-Four Hours", "Twilight", "The Burning Secret" and so on, I don't know how many times I have been intoxicated by his gorgeous literary talent and excellent writing skills. The most decisive book is Zwick's only novel "A Restless Heart".It is a long novel, if compared with Tolstoy or Romain Rolland, it is not too long, but I finished it in one sitting. The story between a young general and a girl with a bad foot, but a tragedy happened because of the mistake of sympathy and love.After reading it, it made me feel that excellent literature also has an interesting side. Before that, I always thought that works with high literary value were difficult and not very interesting.However, the book was so interesting and of such outstanding literary value that it struck me quite a bit. Why not write a novel!By this time, it seemed that the little hesitation that remained had been completely eliminated. However, for the sake of caution, let me add a word. Since Zwick was Jewish, he was hunted down by Nazi minions in Europe. During World War II, he committed suicide in Brazil, where he was in exile.Zwick, who pays too much attention to the spirit and art, has always been unable to bear the harsh reality.