Chapter 14 Thirteen

I can't sleep at all.My room was so quiet that there was no sound from the adjoining room, the sounds to which I had been accustomed were gone, and the folds of the drapery were sadly motionless.I looked at my watch. Luc had a three o'clock break in the morning. I wanted to go see him.This idea drove me, and I closed the door without hesitation, letting my steps lead me forward. I turned into the alley, hidden in the shadows of the night.I saw my best friend sitting in a chair, having a lively conversation with his dad.I didn't want to interrupt them, so I turned around and kept walking, not knowing where to go.I walked to the iron gate of the school. The gate was slightly open. I opened it and walked in. The playground was empty and silent, at least I thought so.Just before I approached the buckeye tree, a voice stopped me.

I knew I could find you here. I was startled and turned around. Ivan was sitting on the bench looking at me. Come and sit next to me.We haven't seen each other for so long, we should have a lot to talk about.I sat down beside him and asked him what he was doing here. I went to your mother's funeral.I am so sorry, your mother is a lady I have great respect for.Because I arrived a bit late, I stood at the back of the funeral procession. I was so touched that Ivan came to my mom's funeral. What are you doing on the school playground?he ask me. I don't have a clue, I'm having a rough day.

I know you will come.I didn't just come to your mother's funeral, I wanted to see you.You still have the same look in your eyes, and while I've always believed that, I wanted to make sure. Why? Because I think we both want to go back and get some memories back before they fade away. What happened to you? Like you, I switched gears and built a new life.But you were still a primary school student back then, what did you do after you left this school and this small town? I'm a doctor, well, sort of.But I didn't even notice that my mother was sick, and I thought I could see something imperceptible in other people's eyes, but I didn't know that I was more blind than they were.

You still remember what I told you, if one day you have something in your heart but don't have the courage to say it, you can trust me and tell me that I will never betray you.Maybe if I don't talk tonight, I won't have another chance I lost my mother yesterday, she never mentioned her illness to me, and tonight, I found a letter from my father that she hid before in the attic.Once people start lying, they never know how to stop. What did your father write to you?If it's not privacy. He said that he would come to see me every year when I received the award. He always stood far behind the iron gate, and I was so close to him but so far away.

Did he say nothing else? Yes, he confessed to me that he finally gave up.He left my mother for that woman and had a son with her.I have an extra half-brother who seems to resemble me, and now I have a real shadow.It's fun, right? what are you going to do I have no idea.In his last letter, my dad talked about his cowardice, he said he wanted to build a future for his new family, he never had the courage to ask them to accept his past.I now know where all his love has gone. What sets you apart from other children from an early age is your ability to feel unhappiness, not just about yourself, but about what happens to other people.And you're just grown up now.

Ivan smiled at me, then asked me a strange question. If the childhood you met the grown-up you, do you think the two of you would get along so well that they would become accomplices? Who are you?I asked him. A man who refuses to grow up, a school guard who you set free, or an imaginary shadow when you need a friend, it's all up to you to define.I owe you a kindness, and I think tonight is a good time to pay it off.Speaking of good timing, do you remember that romantic encounter I told you about?I remember that you were experiencing the first love disillusionment in your life. Yes, now that I think about it, I had a low day too.

Did you know that good timing also applies to reunion moments.You should hang around the back of my tool shed, I think you left something there.something that belongs to you.go!I'm here waiting for you. I got up and went to the back of the cabin, but even though I looked around, I couldn't find anything in particular. I heard Ivan's voice telling me to search carefully.I knelt on the ground, and the clear moonlight illuminated the ground as clear as day, but I still got nothing.The wind started to howl, and a gust of wind kicked up the dust, blowing it all over my face and closing my eyelids.I found a handkerchief and wiped my eyes, and I was able to see again.In my jacket pocket (the exact one I wore to the concert) I found a piece of paper signed by a cellist.

I walked back to the bench, and Ivan was gone, and the playground was empty again.On the seat where he had just sat, an envelope was pressed against a small stone.I opened the letter, and inside was a photocopied letter, printed on beautiful letter paper slightly yellowed with age. I sat alone on the bench and reread the words.Maybe it's because my mother wrote in her letter that her biggest wish is that I can grow up happily in the future; she expects me to find a job that makes me happy, no matter what choices I make in life, no matter what I will love Or to be loved, in the hope that I would live up to all she expected of me.This time, maybe it was these sentences that freed me from the shackles that had kept me in my childhood.