Chapter 36 thirty five

After Lucy got in the car, I pressed the player button.Bruce's back to your arms sounded.She smiled and said: Have you recorded it on a CD? Um. Like it? I like it very much.I also added a few others, one of which was Leaky Night Drive from a bootleg tape of one of Springsteen's solo concerts. That song always makes me cry. Any song can make you cry.I said. Rick.James' super weirdo won't. Accept corrections. And promiscuity.That song doesn't make me cry either. Even Nellie sang about your MVP being Steve.You don't cry when Nash? God, you know me so well. I laughed.

For a man who has just learned that his dead sister is alive, you appear calm. Separation method. It's a word? is my approach.I put things in different boxes.This is how I get through those maddening days.I'm putting them somewhere for now. Separation method.Lucy said. good. There's another term in psychology for this compartmentalization of you, Lucy said, and we call it first-rate denial. You can say whatever you like.Lucy, now I have direction.We're going to find Camille.She must be fine. For this, those of us who study psychology have another term called longing or even delusional thinking.

We drove on for a while. What might your father remember now?I asked. have no idea.But I know Jill.Perez visited him.I guess that visit stirred something in Ella's head.I do not know what it is.Probably nothing.His health is not good.Maybe it's something he imagined or even fabricated. We parked next to Ella's Beetle.Seeing that old car, I thought it was fun and brought back memories of the past.He used to drive around the campsite in that car, sticking his head out, laughing and saying something.He allowed the campers to decorate the car and pretended it was driving at the head of the parade.But now, the old car is of little use to him.

My separation method is not working. Because I still have hope. I hope to find my sister.For the first time since Jane died, I hoped to actually be in a relationship with a woman, to feel my heart beat next to someone else's. I want to warn myself, remind myself: hope is the cruelest thing, it may crush my soul out of shape like a plastic cup.But at the moment, I don't want to think about that.I want hope.I want to have hope, to have it lighten me up for a while. I look at Lucy.She smiled at me.I felt that smile tearing apart my chest.I haven't felt this way for a long time, I haven't felt this intense excitement for a long time.Then I was surprised myself.I stretched out my hands and cupped her face.Her smile disappeared.She is catching my eye.I raised her head and kissed her very, very lightly, so lightly that it hurts.I feel a tremor.I heard her gasp.She kissed me back.

I felt a shudder of happiness. Lucy leaned her head against my chest.I heard her sobbing softly.I didn't coax her, just stroked her hair lightly, trying my best to suppress the waves in my heart.I don't know how long we sat like that.It might be five minutes, it might be fifteen minutes.have no idea. You still go in.she says. you just stay here? Ella made it very clear.You go alone.I'll probably start his car to make sure the battery is still charged. I didn't kiss her again.I got out of the car and walked along the path, my steps were a little weak.The environment of the rehabilitation center is quiet and tree-lined.The building, I guessed, was a Georgian brick building, almost a perfect rectangle with white columns in front.It reminds me of an upscale fraternity house.

There was a woman sitting behind the reception desk, and I said who I wanted to see.She asked me to sign and register.I will do so.She made a phone call and whispered something.I waited, listening to the background music, kind of like Nell.Something from Sedaka, it sounds like background music on a background music board. A red-haired woman in civilian clothes approached.She was wearing a dress with glasses dangling from her chest, swinging from side to side.She looked like a nurse trying not to look like a nurse.I'm Rebecca.she says. I am Paul.Copeland. I'll take you to see Mr. Silverstein.

Thanks. I thought she was going down the corridor, but instead we walked out of the building through the back door.The gardens are well kept.It's still early, but the garden lights have been turned on.A dense hedge surrounds the rehabilitation center and guards the place like a watchdog. I saw Ella right away.Silverstein too. It can be said that he has changed, and it can also be said that he has not changed at all.You know someone who is like that.As they get older, their hair will turn gray, their bodies will get fatter, and their muscles will loosen, but they are the same person at first glance.Ella is that kind of person.

Ella? In the camp, no one is called by their last name, they are called by their first names.For adults, just add aunt or uncle to the end of his name, but I can no longer call him Uncle Ella. He was wearing a poncho, the last time I saw it was in a Woodstock documentary.He wears sandals on his feet.Hearing my shout, Ayla stood up slowly and stretched out her arms to me.It's the same at camp.Everyone hugs and loves each other.In fact, this may just be a blind obedience.I stepped into his outstretched arms.He hugged me tightly with all his strength.I can feel his beard on my face. Then he let go of me and said to Rebecca: We want to be alone for a while.

Rebecca turned and left.He led me to a concrete bench among green trees.we sit down. Cope, you don't look like you've changed at all.He said. He still remembers my nickname.The same to you. Don't you think those hard times should leave more marks on our faces? I think so, Ella. what do you do now? I'm the county attorney. real? real. He frowned: Then you are an official. Still the original Ella. I'm not the prosecutor who's going up against the antiwar protesters, I reassure him.I go after murderers and rapists.People love me for doing things like this. He half-closed his eyes: This is why you came here?

What? Do you want to find murderers and rapists? I don't know how to understand his words.So I went with him: in a way, I wanted to know what happened in those woods that night. He closed his eyes. Lucy said you wanted to see me.I said. right. Why? I wonder why you came back. I've never been anywhere. You know what, you broke Lucy's heart. I have written to her.I also called.She doesn't call back. Still, she can't be blamed.She was in pain. I never wanted to hurt her. Then why are you back now? I want to know what happened to my sister. She was killed.same as everyone else.

No she didn't. He didn't speak.I decided to be more direct. Ella, you know this.Jill.Perez has been here, hasn't he? Ella smacked her lips: thirsty. What? I'm thirsty.I used to have a friend from Cairns, Australia who was the coolest guy I knew.He used to say: man, man is not a camel.That's what he said when he wanted to drink.Ella grinned. Ella, I'm afraid there's no alcohol out there. Ah, I know.I've never been much of a booze drinker, though.Most of what I used to drink was also what they call recreational drugs now.But what I just meant was drinking water.That freezer has polish springs in it.Did you know that Polish springs are actually from Maine? He laughed.I also didn't correct his misinterpretation of that old-fashioned commodity.He stood up and staggered to the right.I followed him.Over there is a chest freezer with the New York Rangers hockey team emblem on it.He opened the cap, grabbed a bottle of water, handed it to me, grabbed another bottle, unscrewed the cap, and drank.Water ran down his face, turning his white beard a darker gray. After drinking, he said with satisfaction: Aha! I want to bring him back to the topic just now. You told Lucy you wanted to see me? right. Why? Because you are here. I wait for him to continue. I'm here, I say it word for word, because you want to see me. Not to come here, but to come back into our lives. I told you just now.I would like to know Why now? Here it is again. Because, I say, Jill.Perez didn't die that night.He is back.He also visited you, didn't he? Ella's eyes once again showed that repulsive expression.He started to walk forward.I hurried to follow. Has he ever been here, Ella? He didn't use that name.He said. He went on.I noticed that his legs were a little limp and his face was wrinkled in pain. Are you OK?I asked. I have to go for a walk. where to go There are paths in the woods.follow me. Ella, I'm not here He said Manolo or something.But I know who he is.Little Jill.Perez.do you remember himI mean, what was he like back then? Remember. Ella shook her head: Good boy.But so easily manipulated. What does he want to do? He didn't say who he was.Didn't say it at the beginning.He looked very different from then.But there was something in his manner.You know, that can't be hidden.Anyone can gain weight.But Jill lisps a little when she speaks.Also, the way he walks seems to be very vigilant all the time.Do you know what I mean? Know. I thought the rehab yard was fenced, but it wasn't.Ella slipped through a gap in the hedge.I followed and drilled out.A wooded hill appeared before us.Ella started to climb up the hill. Did they allow you to leave? certainly.I'm here voluntarily, so come and go as I please. He went on. What did Jill say to you?I asked. He wondered what happened that night. he does not know? know some.He wants to know more. Do not understand what you mean. You don't have to understand. No Ella, I need to understand. It's over.Wayne is in jail. Wayne didn't kill Jill.Perez. I thought he killed it. I still don't quite understand what he means.Although he looked clearly in pain, his feet moved faster and faster.I wanted him to stop, but his mouth was moving. Did Jill mention my sister? He paused for a moment, with a painful smile on his face: Camille? right. poor child. Did he mention her? I love your father, you know that.He is such a lovely person, but he is so deeply hurt by life. Did Jill mention what happened to my sister? Poor Camille. Yes, Camille.Did he say anything about her? Ella started climbing again: there was so much blood that night. Ella, please, please pay attention.Did Jill say anything about Camille? No. So what did he say? Just like you. What's the same? He turned around: the answer. What answer? Same answer as you want.What happened that night.He doesn't understand, Cope.That event is over.The murderer is in jail, you should let the dead man rest in peace. Jill isn't dead. That day, before the day he came to see me, he was dead.do you understand? not understand. It's over.They are gone.The living are also safe. I reached out and took his arm: Ella, what did Jill tell you? You do not understand. We stop.Ella looked down the hill.I followed his gaze.Now, all I can see is the roof of that house.We're deep in the woods.Both were short of breath.Ella paled. It must remain buried. What? That's what I told Jill.It's over.keep going.That was a long time ago.he died.Now, he is not dead.But damn him. Ella, listen to me.What exactly did Jill tell you? You're not going to let this go, are you? Yes, I said, I'm not going to let it go like this. Ella nodded.He looked miserable.Then he reached under the hood, drew a gun, aimed it at me, and without another word, pulled the trigger.