Chapter 46 "Autumn Walk" Zhang Juru

Sunday afternoon, the sun was balmy and the breeze was blowing lazily.There are two lines of autumn geese in the sky, and there are a few white clouds, flying out a poetic and picturesque atmosphere.The street is quiet, there are no passers-by, no pedestrians, only the golden autumn light wandering freely, conveying the message of autumn. I love going for a walk on a calm autumn afternoon like this. Turning right from the door of the house is a street called College.In fact, there is no school on College Street, only a church serving the community, surrounded by trees that reach into the sky, revealing a pointed roof, condescending, overlooking the long street and the occasional passing vehicles.

Every time I walk past the church, seeing its peculiar structure and silent posture often makes me respect from the bottom of my heart, and its majesty and solemnity make me feel strange about it. There is a devout Christian couple in the neighbors, who are good people and good people.My wife spent a lot of time and energy, earnestly trying to lead me into the right path and convert me to religion.At least, listen and give us a chance, she said.However, those of us who once believed in Marx must have cultivated to be invulnerable, otherwise, the iron tree would also bloom. What are you afraid of, I asked myself.Afraid of being locked up, afraid of being locked up by this or that kind of ideology, afraid of being locked up by this or that kind of creed and teaching, and also afraid of being locked up by various social games.The reason why autumn is so colorful probably lies in the will of autumn. The spirit of autumn is the most free.

Her husband, the owner of a semiconductor materials company, is also an enthusiastic churchgoer.The thing that shocked me the most about him was: when his company’s products suffered setbacks in the market and the company’s stock plummeted, he took a week off and took a group of church members to remote rural areas in other states to preach.If it were me, I would definitely not be able to do it.From this point of view, I look like a person who is locked up by work and money. In front of the church is a thousand-foot-wide lawn. The very healthy and luxurious green grass is a good place for me to linger.Stepping on the thick grass is like walking on a soft and elastic carpet.The colorful leaves in autumn danced in the breeze, swayed slowly to the sky, and scattered on my body, stroking my shoulder like an old friend, and said to me: goodbye, see you next year.They remind people of long-lost friends and places that are connected to certain fragments of their lives.

This morning, I received an autumn leaf floating in the distance, and a letter from the editorial department: Are you that Zhang Juru from the Chinese Department of Grade 7 or 7?If yes, we are classmates.I thought of that gentle and steady female classmate.Lost contact for many years, I don't know how she got to Harvard University to study Buddhism, and she must not know how I got to California.Her letter reminded me of Classroom 305 in the Literature and History Building where I was studying.In class, I always grab the first row, in order to hear clearly.Sitting in the back row, she was able to take notes verbatim.If the professor who gave the lecture coughed, she wrote: "Cough, full stop."

Not far from classroom 305, there is a slender and charming river.There are willow trees that are green all year round on both sides of the river, and the beautiful willows hang down, like a girl's long hair soaked in the river.The river goes south through the bridge hole and flows to an isolated island.On the isolated island, the trees are sparse, and the birds are singing and the flowers are fragrant.When we walked there, we recited poems and thought about our thoughts, year after year. Greetings from old classmates are like leaves falling on the shoulders with a clang, and it seems that in the tunnel of life, I suddenly heard my own echo. The voice is young and full of fantasy.

The memories and remembrances in autumn are also dyed with autumn colors, one layer of purple, one layer of yellow, one layer of blue, one layer of gray.Such a complicated autumn scenery, such a complicated mood; the warmth and surprise are mixed with the sense of loss.And that sense of loss has a faint, intoxicating state. Residents on College Street like to build a crescent-shaped lawn facing the street, and the driveway surrounds the lawn.Linked to the driveway are different houses.If my son goes for a walk with me, he likes to run up the curved driveway and make a big circle.Then run to the other end of the exit and stand and wait.With the tolerance of a victor, join me smiling.

John's house, the son said, looking at a pale green house down the street.John is a good friend of his son, and his father is his son's piano teacher.We live near each other, so we communicate more often.The piano teacher believes in Catholicism. Every time after class, he always takes time to discuss God and truth with his son.I asked my son: Do you really believe in God?The son said: I don't know, I hope the teacher is happy. Just like leaves in autumn, because the time of receiving light and the angle of the sun are different.The colors are of different shades and shades.Different people have different reasons for religion and belief.Some want to find a spiritual sustenance, some want to change their attitude towards life, some want to get used to and obey, and some want to make people around them like them.There are also some who only regard religion as the object of study, like the old classmate who studied Buddhism at Harvard.

I don't believe in Buddhism.she told me.For her, religion is just a topic, a piece of history, just like entomologists study butterflies, geologists deal with stones, and medical scientists deal with the human body. The house of John's house is very large, with verandahs connected to each other and trees connected to each other, occupying quite a large area.Living in such a big house, will you feel like you are in a maze?John's parents are getting divorced.son told me.Oh, it turns out that the piano teacher who lives in this beautiful labyrinth-like garden house is a man trapped in marriage.Then, people who are immersed in the spiritual world still have to face all kinds of reality in the world. After all, God cannot solve the disputes and contradictions in the world for people.

John didn't take part in the spelling bee this time.son told me. Why?I asked. His mother took him to another place.It must be very sad for my son to lose a good friend.They had planned the details of the school's autumn outing.From this point of view, John can't go on this autumn outing. Looking at the big house of John's house, I thought to myself, the piano teacher gave the children such a large residence, and also gave the children a lot of thinking about faith.So, why not give children what they want, and not give them some memories of autumn? At the end of College Street, there are two forks, one leads to the stream, and the other crosses the traffic lights to turn to another street.

When I am walking alone, I like to go to the creek for a walk.Listening to the trickling sound of autumn water, smelling the fragrance of autumn soil and grass, it is like being in a peach blossom garden, and you can't help but feel like a fairy.Thinking of Tao Yuanming, who did not bend his waist for five buckets of rice back then, after returning to hermitage, he was not in despair. He still had wine to drink, chrysanthemums to pick, boats to sail, Nanshan to look forward to, and Dongli to rely on. People yearn for it.At this time, I have a river to accompany me, and I have heaven and earth to accompany me. Although I have half a day's leisure in a floating life, I can be considered lucky.

Occasionally, exercise cyclists pass by on this sparsely traveled path, interrupting my train of thought abruptly.He or she greeted me all the way, smiling earnestly and knowingly all the way.That kind of earnestness is like a person who has been living on a deserted island for decades and suddenly returns home; that kind of understanding reminds people of a fellow traveler who has found a treasure at the same time and place at the same time.I think, if the piano teacher and his wife can often come here for a walk, there may be new content in the communication between them.Probably they will also hold hands and greet people with a smile. Such a smile is probably also earnest and understanding. Will people living in nature, or living closer to nature, live a more tolerant, relaxed, friendly, and satisfying life? There is no answer. Nature is indeed wonderful, just like the wonder of life and the universe, which can only be experienced but not pursued.I am often not convinced by the reasoning of my neighbor's wife, because the phenomena about nature, life, and the universe are probably destined to be unexplainable.When someone tries to explain these phenomena, you will find human insignificance and ignorance.No matter how deeply religion or science thinks about the problem of Being, how amazing discoveries it makes, and how detailed theoretical system it has, even if it goes to hell, the answer will inevitably be limited by people, time and space. People can only believe in the truth in their hearts, and believe in what they believe. When I go for a walk with my son, I walk with him through traffic lights and to the corner on the other side.My son was still young, and even on walks, I was as worried about letting him walk through traffic lights alone as I was about the influence of his piano teacher.Perhaps, only after exhausting all possibilities and understanding all kinds of theories and theories that try to explain the world and life can his choice be free and he will not be trapped by simple reasons and reasons. When I go to work on weekdays, when I drive past this street corner, I will see the neighbor's wife standing there.She wears a red waistcoat and a red hat, and volunteers for the school.If there are students going to school who want to cross the road, she will go to the middle of the road first, flashing a Stop sign to stop the passing vehicles.Then, like a hen guarding her chicks, spread her arms and let the children pass safely. Most of the time, the neighbor's wife would sit in the shade of a tree on the corner of the street and keep saying hello to the passing vehicles.She does say hello, she does know every commuter who passes the corner. The morning light ripples from the smile on her face, the red vest and the red hat on her body, bringing a touch of spring to autumn and sending the first greeting in the morning to people who are still busy in autumn. I sometimes imagine myself sitting on this street corner, looking at the traffic that comes and goes every day.The commuters in the traffic flow are like half-length photos, in a trance in front of them, bright and dark.I concluded that the neighbor's wife who flips through this photo album every day is very healthy, patient and caring.I think that for most people, faith may really bring some balance and happiness to people's daily life, whether it is Christianity, Catholicism, or Buddhism. The street corner without the neighbor's wife lacks a landscape, and it doesn't look real.A very nice ice cream bar around the corner is open on weekends. The business of the ice cream bar is not slow, and the iron chairs in the open space in front of the door are also full of people.Presumably, people who walk here on weekends are willing to come in and take a rest. Eating ice cream in autumn will give you a sudden coolness.However, the cooler it is, the more enjoyable it is, so eating watermelon around the fire is a pleasant thing.Looking from the ice cream bar, College Street looks like a gray and quiet river, carrying people on both sides of the river, and stretching into the distance.The evening sunlight in autumn is reflected from the windows of people's houses, and the shadows of the trees on the street are mottled. It turned out that there were so many windows on College Street.What are the people behind every window doing?Where have they all gone?Suddenly, I remembered a scene written by the French writer Sartre in his novel Vomiting: a woman was standing on the street fiddling with her long gloves, her mother came out of the house with blank eyes, and her father was bending over. Lock the door at the waist and leave the air in the house.They were a family, and on a Sunday afternoon, like any other family in the street, they were either going to a funeral, or a wedding, or visiting relatives. And I, the writer writes: am a completely free man, I am a free man, and I go for a walk. Is it that people who go for a walk in the autumn afternoon are looking for a free state of mind, a feeling of being unfettered? In this busy and troubled world, everyone is busy and working hard.They all have a little bit of concern, and there are things that cannot be let go or rest assured.Because of liking, anger, sadness, and all kinds of emotions, there are times when I can't get rid of it. So why not go for a walk, why not give yourself a free afternoon without getting caught up in anything, why not save yourself a little seat at the corner ice cream bar.In this autumn afternoon, let us walk as we like, without planning, without purpose, without concern, let alone worrying about those profound philosophies about heaven, earth and man.We are simply looking for a few autumn leaves, savoring the autumn wind, admiring the street scene, listening to someone else's story, and tasting a cup of fresh strawberry ice cream.Maybe life is so simple, so ordinary, and so happy. "A Walk in Autumn" (a collection of essays, published in 1996)