Chapter 10 Hollow Man

□□□ Everything recorded below will be released to the world after my accidental death, coma or loss of will. ◇ I am currently in extreme danger and there is no one to help.I don't have much time and probably won't be able to finish the record; but I'd rather sort myself out from the ground up, which at least allows me to figure out, step by step; how did things get to where they are? I can say that I am a very ordinary, very ordinary person.In the past few days, when I was able to move freely in and out of public places as I used to, I began to think about what a small person I had always been.I went to the train station, the cafeteria, the post office, and a small barbershop that doubled as a horse-killing chicken.Except for the Meimei who killed me for three quarters, almost no one would look at me wherever I went. Even Meimei only looked at my provocative ears when she asked me if I wanted to add another quarter (I always look at me People are very sensitive to the way they look at my ears).

In fact, when I was in elementary school, my ordinary and ordinary qualities were already exposed.It was a so-called aristocratic school in Tainan. Without exception, the teachers in the school pulled my conspicuous ears and said: Zhang Dun!Do you want to live your whole life in such a muddled and mediocre way?Of course I don't want to.But it is inconvenient for you to shake your head when your ears are pulled so far that you can see.I just stared wide-eyed at the fair-skinned girls with bright bows on their braids, who usually don't laugh as loudly as boys. Boys never ask me to play baseball.They thought I was too small and too technical to swing or hit catchers with one swing.So they always make me the referee.The good thing about me being a referee is that I never know who to favor.Once someone is not convinced by the verdict, I will let both parties guess (ㄘㄟ').Secondly, being a umpire doesn’t require you to buy baseball gloves; for my parents who barely sent me to a good school, a baseball glove is worth the food money for a family of three for a week.

My parents also want me to go to a good junior high school, a good high school and a good university.I did it all.In good middle and high schools, I was still the same as when I was in elementary school. I sat in the front row, had mediocre grades, hated physical education, and had big ears that grew longer and farther forward.I hated taking showers even more when I had Adam's apple, acne, dick hair, and leg hair. If it was you, you wouldn't want to see a guy like that in the mirror.I think being weird is why girls reject me.In my sophomore year of high school, I asked a girl from a neighboring school to watch a movie, but she sent me 30 yuan and asked me to watch it myself. I went to two shows.

At that time, I began to fantasize: When I go to college, maybe things will be different.I will grow taller and meet more girls. Of course, the most important thing is: I can grow a fluffy long hair to cover those ears. However, everything is not as expected.I'm still only 156 cm, and the girls in our department seem to have colluded with my elementary school classmates to call me Mickey Mouse, and my hair is all grown into small curly hair.Also, I met Uncle Tang who changed my life. Until now, I have not been completely sure: Where did Uncle Tang come from?What line of business is he in?What is his background?And why did he come to me?

He always shows up when no one is around.The first time seems to be in the toilet of the library, the second time and countless times after that are in any other place and corner you can imagine On the bus, in the cinema, on the street, in a restaurant, and once in the neighbor's seat .He never notified in advance, he would only say at the end of the meeting: I am always there.Contact again. Let me start with the first time.That day I was holding my breath so badly that I couldn't urinate after I rushed to the toilet because there was a person standing on the right.I looked at the transom, whistled, pretended to flush, but still couldn't pee.

Can't pee, can you?The man said, turning his head and grinning at me.I heard him pee loudly. You are too nervous, Zhang Dun. I think I must have been terrified; how did he know my name?I took a quick look at him, a short man like me, a middle-aged man, with half-white hair neatly parted on the right, and a fat face.He's obviously finished peeing, but he doesn't mean to leave: How do I know your name?Yes or no? I looked at him again and found that he also had a pair of big ears, but they were not the forward ones; they were the lucky ones with fat and long earlobes.He wrinkled his round nose and said: I still know a lot about you.

What can I do?I'm zipping hard, what do you want? Everyone has a lot to do.He maintained his previous smile without being tired at all, that's why I'm looking for you. Then he rattled off my birthplace, birthday, family, and education background (including the comments that my junior high school tutor wrote on my report card: introverted, fantasy-loving, sensitive, careful, and honest).Your teacher is right. Some of these comments are the qualities we need, and some are your best cover.So we decided to take you in, he said. Who are you?Who are you? But he ignored my words at all, and continued: But your teacher didn't see that you are actually a person with great ambitions, right?

He suddenly stopped smiling and shut his mouth, letting the echo echo through the toilet, waiting for my answer.I must have nodded.Then he took my hand, and I saw on his right hand, on his ring finger, a gold ring with a huge emerald. You've always wanted to do something a little out of the ordinary, haven't you? At this moment, I withdrew my hand vigorously, and maybe even shivered: you, are you from the glass circle? If he really belonged to the glass circle, maybe he should say so. If I was really absorbed by the glass circle, then the matter might be relatively simple. Flapping back and forth, left and right, said: How could we ask you to do such a dirty thing?

They actually asked me to do data collection. About every suspicious person, and every suspicious thing about everyone, is worth gathering.But the first person who made me feel suspicious was this dumpy man. Just call me Uncle Tang.Uncle Tang said, Uncle Tang will not let you do it for nothing.As long as you work hard, you can receive a scholarship of 5,000 yuan a month, and you don't have to ask your father about the tuition and miscellaneous fees.He is also to blame for being poor, dragging such a bad body and still busy inside and out. How do I know who you are?And you guys I'm guessing they're from the Intelligence Service, Bureau of Investigation, or government security.But I didn't dare to say it directly, so I turned a corner and asked righteously: How do I know if you are spies?

This time Uncle Tang shook his head disdainfully: We have nothing to do with politics.I am as independent as you are, and we do not serve any government.He paused, touched the ring on his hand, then raised his head and blinked solemnly at the drainpipe on the ceiling, and sighed: Let’s put it this way, we are beyond politics, we represent social conscience, justice and conscience. I should understand, you forgot that composition?Your volunteer, eh? My wish is to be Bao Qingtian.That composition was written when I was in the fourth grade of elementary school, and I got a C.I usually get a C.Before I wrote it, I thought: If I really write down my desire to be 007, I will definitely get a C again, because the teacher will definitely say that I am unrealistic and love fantasy.If she reads my composition publicly again, my classmates will definitely laugh at me for imitating James Bond and wanting to be a pervert who loves girls, so I have no choice but to write Bao Qingtian.I wrote it like this:

□□□ Although Bao Qingtian is ugly, everyone respects him and is afraid of him. He doesn't know martial arts, but he is protected by Wang Chao, Ma Han, Zhang Long, and Zhao Hu.Bao Qingtian has three knives, which are specially designed to kill bad guys. The common people are afraid of bad guys, but they are even more afraid of Bao Qingtian. You must know that Bao Qingtian is not a good guy, but a bad guy.So my wish is to be a Bao Qingtian, and in the future I will join the bandits, so that everyone can live a happy life. ◇ But now there are many people who want to secretly destroy the happiness of our common people.Uncle Tang said, they are probably the people around us, we have to find these people.As for how to collect their information, that's up to you. At the beginning, Uncle Tang found a few people for me. I thought he might want to test my ability to work, so these people were my professor Guo Wuzai, Wu Qiren, the representative of the library department, and us. Zhou Hao, the director-general of the Speech and Debate Club.When Uncle Tang appeared for the second time, he stuffed this list of suspicious elements and an envelope containing five thousand dollars into my hand, wrinkled his nose and said sweetly: I think you have made a wise decision ,Um?Come!This is your first errand.Uh, if you need my help, I am always here, so please contact me again. Wait a moment.I pointed to the famous list and said, what is suspicious about Professor Guo?He was never human.Also, is Zhou Hao a girl? Uncle Tang waved to stop me: Remember!Never doubt your work; on the other hand, everyone who looks okay is suspicious, you know? I seem to know more and more what Uncle Tang meant.In the next semester, I submitted information to Uncle Tang about every two weeks, and I felt more and more that there were indeed problems with the three people on the list.This conclusion made me feel as excited as Uncle Tang, as he described it: like picking up a gold ring in a garbage dump.Of course, I also gradually got closer to Uncle Tang, and less often fantasized about him being the boss of the underworld and so on.As for the reason why I feel close to him, it’s not that we are all short, inconspicuous, or have big ears (although I’m likely to get close to anyone because of these), but that I’m talking about Professor Guo, Wu Qiren, During Zhou Hao's investigation, I found that Uncle Tang really knows a hero with his eyesight.He was not wrong about me, nor about the three of them, so I resolutely returned the scholarship and volunteered to serve him and the country and society. On the surface, Professor Guo is a celibate and nice guy; he is a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't scold students, and doesn't criticize reality.He taught a very boring course on Chinese material cataloging; but he believed in esoteric teaching, and often interspersed some funny stories about pneumatics and handprints in the class, so there were even high-achieving students from the Department of Electrical Engineering who came to listen and take notes. But one day, I saw that under his gentle and honest appearance, there were also hidden sharp weapons that endangered mankind.That day he digressed again, talking about a set of theories that life ends and anger lasts forever.He said: When a person is conceived, if there is a life near the end, the life that will disappear will float and float into this person's life body, become a part of the embryo, and even change his appearance. temperament.At this time, several students (including the one from the Department of Electrical Engineering) looked back at me in unison, with smiles in their eyes, and they came to inquire about my birthday after class.One of them said: I wonder if there was a rodent eradication week that year?He doesn't look like he's joking.On the same day I wrote in a new flip book I bought: Suffering. 67.10.12..Spread superstitious ideas.Inducing high-level intellectuals to blindly believe in anti-scientific theories. Within four days, I listed seventeen such short notes in Professor Guo’s file, and each time I compared them in detail. Finally, I noticed that the previous few notes were not only abstract, empty, and unconvincing, but also disorganized. .So I designed a form, including suspicious events, conversations, participants, time, place, and my impressions and suggestions of suspicious people. Then I realized that the benefits of the table are not only convenient, but also exposed the shortcomings of my observation.For example: On the night of the fifth day, I found that the places recorded in the previous four days were classrooms, campuses, and welfare restaurants; I have not yet entered Professor Guo's entire life.In the end, I fell asleep holding hundreds of blank forms, and when I woke up, I decided to visit the faculty dormitory. It was an amazing visit.The old guy’s dormitory was full of books in various languages ​​and categories. There were black and white words on the floor, under the dining table, on the broken sofa and in the sink.I saw that even he himself got out of a pile of books and opened the door for me. He smiled and moved dozens of magazines away to point me to sit, and said: Are you here to find information? My scalp tingled immediately, thinking that he had seen through my behavior, so I could only stammered: I, I came to ask the teacher a few questions. Immediately, I couldn't help him to probe again, so I read the prepared questions to him in one breath.While listening, he took out an iron cup and plastic jug from the book nest, and poured me a glass of water.I clearly saw a cockroach dancing with arms and legs floating up from the bottom of the cup. I thought you were Wu Qiren.He stared at me with the pair of gray eyes above the back of the reading glasses, and began to answer my questions.However, in my mind, there were other thoughts: what materials did Wu Qiren ask him for?Wu Qiren didn't have such a pair of protruding ears, how could he see the wrong person?If he pretends to be wrong when he clearly sees the wrong person, what is his motive?If he pretended to see the wrong person, it means that he already knew the purpose of my trip to collect information and investigate suspicious things, so why did he mention Wu Qiren again?Isn't Wu Qiren also on my investigation list?After much deliberation, there seems to be only one explanation: he has already suspected the purpose of my trip (maybe he has been paying attention to me for a long time), deliberately tried a word on me when we met, and hinted at me when my scalp was numb and my mouth was stuttering. He exchanged information with Wu Qiren in order to understand my suspicion of Wu Qiren.At this time, I had no choice but to secretly make up my mind: reverse the order of Wu Qiren and Zhou Hao on the list. Do you understand now?He looked at me, I nodded, and then his expression changed He snatched my cup and picked up the cockroach from it: Oops!Do evil and do evil.Don't get hurt. It's okay, I haven't had a drink yet.I said. I say it.He picked up the cockroach, examined it for a long time, and then staggered towards another room behind the bookcase. I quickly followed and watched him open a large iron box and throw the cockroach into it.There were at least a few hundred cockroaches in the iron box.Then I saw another iron box next to it with a male character written on it, and this one with an alphabetic character. The teacher raises cockroaches for fun? What is playing?He closed the lid, cockroaches are also small life!At first I let them run around the house, but it didn't work. They looked for food randomly, and once ate a large bag of my baking powder, and dozens of them were killed in the explosion.well!Killing is not a small sin! I have gained a lot this day.In the record, besides pointing out that Guo Wuzai might have doubts about me, I noted a few points: 1. His contacts with Wu Qiren forced me to investigate Zhou Hao first, so as not to expose my work; 2. He A large number of cockroaches that are harmful to human health and affect the hygiene of the community are raised.3. Cockroaches do not have the function of farting, so they can be trapped and killed with baking powder. (The last article was later obliterated by Uncle Tang. He said that there is no need to write useless information. Writing it will cause unnecessary speculation, attachment or association.) Uncle Tang appreciated my good intentions in designing the form, and also encouraged me to be sensitive to the relationship between the enemy and us. He agreed with my judgment and said: It is right to seek Zhou Hao first, and don't arouse any suspicion.You are good, a natural player. The first time in my life that I was called a master was on October 25, 1967 in the Republic of China.I think that was a pushing point in my life.After I returned to the dormitory, I stood in front of the mirror and looked at it for a long time, and found that the person in the mirror grew taller, and the wavy hair was not so petty and stingy.What's more interesting is my ears. When I think of Uncle Tang saying that I'm a good player, the excited blood overflowing from my cavity will rush straight up to the base of my ears under my cheeks. At that time, my ears It will no longer move forward, it will automatically sweep back, like a mighty tiger or hunting dog.When I looked at the handsome and dignified man in the mirror, I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Zhou Hao probably also had a new discovery about my appearance. Of course, she was embarrassed to praise me for being handsome and pleasing to the eye, but she said euphemistically: "You look, what do you say?"Well, it's different. When I was leaning against the door frame of the club office, my right foot was like a bent horseshoe across the front of my left calf, with the toes pointing to the ground.I can almost see myself stalking the enemy's beautiful spy as affectionately as 007.How could Zhou Hao refuse?We eat together, walk around campus, and watch movies shown in the student center.She is the one who speaks most of the time.She is very good at talking. She can talk about the azaleas, her father's roof garden, the high-rise buildings in Taipei City, urban planning and traffic engineering. If a woman can be the president, our country will have democracy at all. Why?I have my own reasons for interrupting her, do you think we are not democratic enough? The fewer people with independent characters, the lower the degree of democracy, which is inevitable.Zhou Hao said, how many women in China dare to say that their personality is independent?I see very little.Just like you said I was pretty, if it was another girl, I would be so happy.But do you know?It's not independent enough for a woman to be happy for a man's compliments!A woman like this is likely to live her whole life in the standards of beauty, ugliness, right and wrong, good and evil set by men. What freedom does she have?What kind of democracy is there in such a society? I nodded, but dared not immediately praise her for her insight.She is indeed aggressive to the point where I dare not compliment her sincerely. This kind of pressure once made me unhappy; because I thought the other way around: If her views on beauty and ugliness are different from mine, then she promised to hang out with me for an afternoon and half an evening. Nor is it because I look better or more radiant.I felt the frustration of being neglected again, but I regained my lost face on the form that night. I especially emphasized: Zhou Hao is not satisfied with the current state of democracy in our society. In fact, this is nothing.It wasn't until the end of 1967 that Wu Qiren was officially registered in my flip book, and the whole work had a positive meaning.It was also from this period that Uncle Tang really understood: Zhang Dun has more than potential. On December 16, 1967, the United States established diplomatic relations with the bandits, and there were various protests and solidarity activities on the campus.That evening, I followed a large group of people towards the school gate, and found a long table put together in the middle of the road. And its eight big characters.The students swarmed up, took turns to pick up a super small knife, sterilized it on the lighter, then cut off the index finger of the right hand, and dripped the blood on a porcelain plate. , which read: I sue!It was a touching scene.I'm a little afraid of pain, but I want to get involved and do something.Looking at the sad, painful, lonely, and angry faces around me, I got into the crowd step by step. Suddenly, someone grabbed my elbow.When I turned around, I almost knocked over Uncle Tang's glasses. He suddenly matched a pair of glasses with gold wire and light brown glass. Without saying a word, he pouted towards the left end of the long table. It's Wu Qiren. Holding a megaphone in his hand, Wu Qiren stood on a high step stool in the library, and delivered a fierce speech to the people present at the top of his voice: he condemned the Americans for their disregard of morality, short-sightedness and short-sightedness, and that they would sooner or later be free. He also said that the descendants of Yan and Huang should unite immediately, heart to heart, hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder, and determined to serve the future of the Republic of China.As I listened, I felt the blood rushing up again in my chest, and I could even hear myself growling like a tiger or a hunting dog from the depths of my eardrums; so I turned to Uncle Tang and nodded, but he was gone. With such a distraction, I suddenly realized that things might not be simple.Just when I turned my head to look at Wu Qiren again, I caught a glimpse of Zhou Hao, a girl with long hair parted in the middle and a shawl with beautiful tears on her face, standing under the step stool; out of shape. So I stood a little further away and retreated to the outside of the school gate.I was there for a long time under the cold wind and drizzle, and seeing the gathering of strangers, I suddenly realized the warning significance of Uncle Tang's appearance. Anything a suspicious person does is suspicious; let alone two .Wu Qiren and Zhou Hao's fanfare and incitement to the students is most likely due to more than pure motives. Maybe they want to take the opportunity to cause a student riot!I shuddered, breathed a sigh of relief, and immediately rejoiced that I hadn't acted recklessly, or wasn't I being used, fooled, or instigated?It's not bad at all. Look at that bloody and sensational poster, what does it mean to love my country, and its flaws?Doesn't this imply that our country is indeed flawed?I gave Wu Qiren and Zhou Hao a hard look, strode back to the dormitory, opened the loose-leaf book, and wrote three full pages.The dense fonts once made my eyelids sore, but I insisted on writing clearly all the doubts in my mind.On the other hand, I also filled in the new form with all those who were in charge behind the long table that afternoon. Three months later, my eyes were often swollen and sore, my eyesight decreased, and I had occasional headaches.I skipped class on April Fool's Day to get a pair of nearsighted glasses with gold rims and a light red sunshade film.A Malay overseas Chinese student in the archeology department who lived in the same dormitory with me said that the color of the glasses was not good, they were too trendy.He also advised me to read less detective novels and write less diaries.I ignored him, but I very much doubted that he had tampered with my flipbook. I think my guess should be correct, because Wu Qiren came to me not long after.He slammed open the bedroom door angrily, threw my glasses on the ground and trampled them to pieces, grabbed my collar and said: Rat!If I find out that you are engaged in this kind of aircraft again, I will tear off your ears!Then he took a piece of paper out of his pocket, tore it up, and stuffed it into my mouth. When he slammed the door and went out, I choked out the piece of paper and put it together piece by piece, only to regret how careless I was.It was a draft observation, written at 10:30 p.m. on April 3rd.At that time, I hid in the bamboo forest behind the stadium and recorded some things that Wu Qiren and Zhou Hao talked about on the grassland, the state of the country, social atmosphere, literature, art, roof garden and sex. Wu Qiren and Zhou Hao obviously have some kind of influence, even some kind of organization in this school.Because from then until I graduated, almost no one on campus said a single word to me for a whole year and two months.Of course, I don't care about anyone.Except for the Malay overseas Chinese student, I didn't even have anyone to say hello to.However, I don't care much about making friends. Anyway, I have never had many friends since I was a child.What really worries me is: Has my identity been exposed?I've had this dream at least a hundred times: Yang Guangdou from the Physical Education Department knocked on the door of the dormitory with a bat, rushed in, smashed my glasses, and cursed: Fuck your mother!Why do you say that I took people to fight with the technical college? The school police at the gate tied me to the iron railing and slapped my mouth: I am watching small movies, what are you doing to me? All the students in the history department stepped on me, and you shouted angrily: so what about collective cheating?fuck you! In most of the dreams, Uncle Tang stood there far away, explaining to another group of people: I don't know this kid at all! When I woke up from the dream, with some residual pain and soreness, I bit my lips tightly, thinking about those great figures in history who suffered humiliation and persecution: Huang Gai with rotten buttocks in "Romance of the Three Kingdoms", Yue Yue Wang Zuo, the poor man with a broken arm and false surrender in the legend, the dead Yangtze River No. 2 in "The 180 Blockade", or the ugly Bao Qingtian.Usually the most effective way is to think of 007, a super intelligence agent who always transports me into another fantastic and sweet comedy world in the most tragic moments. After all, reality is worse than nightmares and dreams. I was actually cheated by that old guy Guo Wuhan. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.That's it from the first to the fifth sentence of the old guy calling me into his dorm room.He handed me my final exam paper with trepidation. The handwriting on the test paper is very similar to mine (at first glance, I really thought I wrote those words), at least I have to admire that the person who imitated my handwriting is indeed a first-class writer.He wrote something irrelevant to the exam questions at the end of each question. The wonderful thing is that what he wrote was actually a lot of records in my usual loose-leaf book, with time, place, people, conversations and impressions. I was naturally rather surprised at the table of suggestions and so on.Especially the last one, which reads: May 26, 1968/Room 731, Faculty of Arts/Guo Wuzai/All students in the fourth grade of the Library Department/The reincarnation of the Living Buddha/This person has recently been preaching about Tibet Thoughts that do not belong to Chinese territory and culture must be paid close attention to. But I acted calmly, and I couldn't fall into the trap of this fake test paper.The reason why Guo Wuzai and his gang beat me like this is definitely to get out the inside story of my investigation work. Of course, I am calmer than usual and more nonchalant. teacher means I know you listen carefully.He handed me a glass of water that might have been mixed with cockroaches, and said slowly, wrinkling his rag face: But, you didn't answer the question correctly; I mean, you didn't touch the edge of the question.I thought about it, alas!sorry! I really want to stand up immediately and tell him that I have seen through his conspiracy with Wu Qiren and others to forge test papers.But doing so is undoubtedly tantamount to admitting that I have been collecting information for a long time, and it may even implicate Uncle Tang.So at this critical moment, I answered him calmly: I have rebuilt it. Nothing fancy about the rebuild.Uncle Tang said, in fact, even if one's identity is exposed, sometimes it is not useless. As I listened, I looked around at the passengers standing around (they probably didn’t like to see Uncle Tang and I occupying the fraternity seat), and then asked him in a low voice: Why? If you think about the good, the other party will be more cautious in words and deeds, and do less bad things that openly endanger the country and society; lest you and I will find out.Uncle Tang picked up his Hong Kong shirt and wiped his glasses. Thinking of the worst, even if an exposed investigator risked his life, he might still be able to play a role in luring the enemy, wouldn't he?What's the point of retaking the credits? Uncle Tang, you are right!I scratched my head and scratched my head, suddenly realizing. At this time, Uncle Tang had already stood up and rang the bell, ready to get off the car.He threw me a roll of newspaper, put on his glasses, leaned over and muttered a few words beside me: The job has already been found for you, apply for it, don't say anything more.I'm here, please contact me again. There was a red pen frame in the classified advertisement column of that newspaper, which framed a notice for recruiting library and data management staff, and also framed my earning process for the next few years. After September of 1968, while I was in high school, I met with that old traitor Guo Wuhan once a week; at the same time, I worked as a data editor for Jia's Translation Agency.It is conceivable that the translation agency is just a cover. We are actually a secret intelligence station. Everyone is doing investigation work, but everyone knows it. From this period, I have a new understanding of the document collection of information.Occasionally recalling the types of stalking, eavesdropping, contacting, and observing in college, I can't help laughing, laughing that those activities are too childish.To be honest, what can Guo Wuzang, Wu Qiren, Zhou Hao and Yang Guangdou do?They are nothing more than a group of cockroaches kept in iron boxes. What Zhang Dun, a member of Jia's Translation Agency, wants to kill are rats that poison the entire environment! On the surface, my job is to organize the 2,984 Chinese and foreign magazines and books ordered by the translation agency every day and every quarter, select the parts worthy of translation, and re-export them to various publishing, research and communication institutions at home and abroad.But in fact, my work is much more complicated. I have to analyze and analyze all the written materials at hand carefully, find out any problems that may be harmful, damaging or dangerous to the country and society, and then report to Uncle Tang, provide Give above reference. Since then, I have less contact with people.My dad often wrote letters (there are always a few stains left by the hands of frying dough sticks on the letter paper) urging me to go home occasionally, or send a message or something, but I couldn't do it.On the one hand, it is really because the work is too busy and annoying. On the other hand, I also try my best to ask myself: apart from the work report, try not to leave any personal written records.Those of us who work in this line of work know that any random writing of 2,580,000 yuan may be used as a password, which is not as easy to clean as oil stains on letter paper. I have also counted when I was bored, and the average word I speak every day does not exceed ten words.In the club, I only nodded and greeted my colleagues, and rarely talked.The only chance to speak is at lunch and dinner every day, I must call beef noodles!Rib noodles! , at most add a sentence to serve the pig's ears! As for others, such as my biggest leisure hobby, it is not worth talking about.When I was full of nervousness, excitement and uneasiness for the first time, I followed Meimei into the dark room at the side door of the barber shop to do that job, and I found that the happiest place in life is not physical, but a kind that needs no words and is impossible. Words of spiritual satisfaction; a completely private, lonely secret, only me, only my pleasure, my pleasure, my fantasy, no one can peep or share.Of course Meimei wouldn’t know, I closed my eyes, and in the dark red light that penetrated through my eyelids, I could see the fair-skinned girls with bright bowknots in elementary school, and I could also see the 007 girl and the chattering and crying little Zhou Hao. Far beyond happiness, I still have victory. From the autumn of 1969 to the end of 1974, my work performance was indeed quite outstanding, and my colleagues in the translation agency couldn't help being jealous of my enthusiasm and achievements in investigation.More than once I've heard them say behind my back that I'm sneaky, I don't know what I'm up to, I'm a little weird, and I'm crazy.I have to admit that I have a workaholic, and workaholics are often ridiculed by mediocrity.Not only did I not mind, but once I made an exception and gave a short talk to everyone. I said this: Don’t worry too much, you should know that as long as we divide the labor and work hard in our individual positions, the Society will have a bright future.They all agreed, smiling and clapping for me.But I guess: secretly they probably can't help but think that I'm trying to express myself, or that I have some kind of political ambition, and that's a big mistake.Although I am short, I am confident that I have matured to the point where I don’t need to make up for my height with my status. It will never be possible to make up for it. Even an idiot or a lunatic can figure out the simple truth that nothing you inherit can’t be changed. of. However, purely in terms of work content, I did play an unsung hero in the process of our society's progress silently, earnestly, and even without sleep, an invisible Bao Qingtian, and a person who was not at all lecherous in his bones. 〇〇seven. In mid-November 1969, I reported several professors who were engaged in urban planning.They probably went to Hong Kong first, and after they came back, they wrote an article in a university journal comparing the advantages and disadvantages of traffic engineering in the two places. Fifteen to twenty years behind the luxurious Hong Kong. (If we say that our transportation industry is underdeveloped, it is really nonsense. If we open a few extra trains and hang two more train cars, won’t all the bottlenecks and congestion be solved?) Uncle Tang praised me very much for my understanding of the transportation problem. I think that the various professional knowledge I dabbled in in the translation agency is the most beneficial weapon for modern investigators. In December of the same year, I denounced two more journalists.They reported on the shelter and education of imbecile children in this city for several days in a row. I think this is an ulterior motive.Imbecility is not caused by Chinese people at all. Anyone who knows a little bit about the history of their country can easily find that in China's 5,000-year-old cultural system, no imbecile has ever been raised.If there are imbeciles, they must have been smuggled by Japanese devils or American spies to frame them.I have attached a special note in the perception and suggestion column of that report, reminding the above people to pay attention!If those imbecile photos in the newspaper were not forged, people with discerning eyes could also see that their hair color is light, their eyelids are double, their chins are protruding, and their tongues are long. At the beginning of February 1970, I was digging into the information of some guys who advocated the environmental protection movement, when I suddenly caught a glimpse of a small piece of news in the evening paper: A series of car accidents occurred in the downtown area of ​​Ximending. The name is Wu Qiren, and the bride's name is Zhou Hao.To be honest, I was a little sad for a while.But I immediately understood: the car accident was by no means accidental (otherwise, wouldn’t it justify the lies of those egghead professors?), but was done by our people.At that time, I put down the work at hand and hesitated endlessly, thinking: the justice of heaven is clear, and the French Open is restored. It is not without regret that these two young people went astray because of ignorance, and ruined their bright future.我清楚地記得，當我低頭詠嘆的剎那間，從玻璃板上看到自己的臉影，它在昏暗的斜陽反射下，顯得臃腫而蒼老，我猛地脫口叫道：唐叔！ 這一類的事件爾後仍不停地發生。當我準備好要舉發一個口口聲聲罵一位市長濫拆古屋（其實就是違章建築）的所謂學者的時候，又聽說第二宗處決的傳聞。 那是七十年五月底，我跑到拆除古屋的地方，觀察某學者抵制拆屋工作的現場言行，卻看見過去同寢室的馬來僑生在拍照。 你怎麼可以在這裡拍照？我上去拍拍他。 是你啊，張敦！他大概以為我在和他開玩笑，反過來在我的肩膀上擂了一拳，你看起來好多了嘛！ 你怎麼可以隨便拍照？我仍舊嚴厲地說，絕不能讓他以為老同學就可以賣交情。 他依然不理會我的質詢，一面朝一角即將崩塌的飛簷按快門，一面說：多久不見了？有一年多了吧？ 你有照相的許可證嗎？ 他回頭睨我一眼，死皮賴臉地搖頭苦笑，說：你還算好呢欸！記不記得那個楊光斗，現在變成植物人啦。 oh?是怎麼一回事。 在球場上被一個球迷打了。他繼續上下不停地打量我，聽說是個低能兒幹的。真冤！ 我認為一點也不冤。楊光斗不止一次地騷擾我的夢境，破壞我的工作情緒，挨打還有餘辜呢！不過當時我不便表示意見，只是淡淡地說：下次拍照要有許可證，知道嗎？ 唐叔卻認為我的處置稍有失當。當時我們坐在電影院裡，他忍不住高聲說：你應該把他的底片全部抽掉。（就像銀幕上那個西德反間諜所做的那樣。） 下次我會注意。 你要注意，很多事沒有下次。唐叔說，你得越來越相信自己的直覺，第六感，當機立斷，當場舉發！ 就在我舉發那個搞環境保護的某學者反成長、反進步，是為反對而反對的反對者之後半年，郭無患因老年性癡呆症喪失意志而被送入療養院的消息傳來。我特地捧著那份校友會通訊到大街上轉了幾個下午，想告訴唐叔這個好消息，可是人海茫茫，走得我兩腿都快癱瘓了，連他的影子也沒瞧見。最後我只好告訴自己：唐叔無所不在，不會不知道的。他之所以不肯現身，很可能是以為郭無患已經過氣了，沒什麼大了不起。也許就像那次在校園門口他突然消失一樣，是想警惕我一點什麼；比方說：要立刻忘記已消滅的或者已被翦除的敵人，要往前看！ 七十一年到七十三年之間，可以說是我的輝煌時期。我舉發過七、八個市議員，因為他們誇大其辭，說本市到處充斥著色情行業，宜飭請警政單位嚴加取締、肅清。我義不容辭地報請上面的人密切監督這些自稱為民喉舌的偽君子，他們簡直無理取鬧，什麼叫大街小巷都是流鶯、皮條客？至少我的辦公室和公寓裡就沒有。我也只在城中區固定一家理髮館裡做馬殺雞，我想全市像美美這樣沉靜溫柔的女子也不可多得，豈能隨便誣指這裡是東南亞男人最大的樂園呢？ 我也舉發過幾個電視明星，他（她）們膽敢在螢光幕上公然說錯成語或是說英文、日文，簡直喪失了泱泱大國民的程度和風範。（結果其中有個小子在拍武打片的時候墜崖落水，淹了個半死。我從電影畫報上讀到這個消息時興奮地拍破了玻璃墊，很是為那些在暗中除暴安良的同志稱慶不已。） 除此之外，像那些胡亂引用不合我國國情的社會理論以抨擊時政的留洋學人、高唱懷鄉病暗中販賣灰色虛無毒素的悲觀詩人、拍攝穿幫照片引誘無知青少年變成強暴犯的下流藝人、蓄長髮亂須戴耳環戒指塗口紅的變態男人和穿西裝打領帶在高級辦公大樓擔任主管的強悍女人全都在我的網羅之下，我點點滴滴地放射出一種隱形的、超強的第六感，隨時捕捉著醜化、腐化、異化我們這個社會的敗類。 到七十三年底為止，我讀過的書報雜誌已突破十萬卷，舉發了一千零八十個偏激、野心、不良分子，積壓了四十七封未拆封的家書。 唐叔終於在陽曆年前脫下那只綠寶石金戒指，套在我的無名指上，欣慰地說：恭喜你，老弟。這可真是長江後浪推前浪啊！我看他自己也戴了個新的，鑲的是紅寶石。 也恭喜您，唐叔！ 老嘍！我也沒什麼好恭喜的嘍！唐叔嘆了口氣，對了！差點忘了告訴你，郭無患他彎了彎食指。 How do you know?我撫摸著戒指，語氣比以往要高昂些。畢竟是職責所在，我不想遺漏任何一個曾經在我網裡游竄過的敵人的任何情報，哪怕是已經死了。 其實現在告訴你也沒關係。他攀著我的肩膀，說：這兩年他就住在我隔壁，我一直在監視他。 您也、您也住在療養院？ certainly.他詭異地皺著鼻尖、瞇起眼，搧著大耳垂，和翻譯社一樣，總得有個掩護嘛。好了，別的我也不能多說了。我都在，再聯絡了。 當天晚上，我又趕完一份報告。寫的是一個雕塑家在市立美術館門口所設計的一件金屬藝品，不過我稱之為包藏禍心的破銅爛鐵。我曾經花了整整兩個早晨，從各種角度、距離去觀賞那件雕塑，拍了七十二張彩色照片，看不出一丁點兒藝術來；卻得到了一個小心求證的結論那個所謂的雕塑家大有問題。看看照片就夠明白了。那鮮血一般污腥的顏色、那利刃一般狠戾的稜角，不是鼓吹殘殺暴行、革命造反又是什麼？ 就在我義憤填膺地合上報告之後，忽然瞥見一封信封，上頭全是血紅色的字，起初我還以為是眼鏡折光所造成的，然而我脫下眼鏡，還是一片殷紅。我又想：可能是被剛才的照片給閃花了眼，索性閉起眼皮，休息片刻，不料卻睡著了。一直到半夜，我夢見自己在為一棟古屋拍照，竟然被唐叔給阻攔下來，他抽掉我的底片，拔下我的戒指，把我推醒。然後我又看見桌上那個紅字信封，發信地點是臺南一所老人之家。 信是我爸寫的，寥寥數語：敦兒：老宅原來是違章建築，就搬來這裡住。你媽就病了。就寫信告訴你。爸。發信時間是七十三年三月。 我立刻找出近幾個月以來的信，有幾封是紅字加上粗框，有兩封畫著幾個重圈，一封打滿了星星的記號。我迅速地拆著，讀著，發覺一封比一封簡短 敦兒：你媽病重了。快些回家來吧。爸。 敦兒：我們都病了。收到信了嗎？爸。 你媽快死了，你在哪裡啊？敦兒！ 你媽死了！我也快了。兒啊！ 你到底怎麼了，我的兒！ 我一點也沒有怎麼了。我非常冷靜。我打開抽屜，拿出放大鏡，開始比對手邊每一封信的筆跡。結果絲毫不出我所料：七十三年三月以後的這些信筆畫歪斜扭曲，和以前的信顯然不太一樣。比起幾年前冒充我筆跡寫考卷的人的技術差得太多；信不敢寫長也就理所當然了。 天亮時我把四十七封信分成真假兩落，各收入一個卷宗之中，開始推想：究竟是什麼人冒充我爸寫這些信？What is his motive? 我先想到的是郭無患、巫齊仁、周浩、楊光斗、學校警衛、歷史系學生一共有一百多人，雖然他們之中有些已經死了、昏迷了、消失了，可是也只能說他們的嫌疑小一點而已。我照樣把他們的名字列在表格上。然後我又列錄了那一千零八十一個（包括那個我尚未正式舉發的藝術家在內）問題人物。 然而到後來，我還是把這些人涉嫌的可能性一一消除了。因為對他們來說，我永遠只是一個幕後的、陌生的、甚至不存在的人。接著，我想到賈氏翻譯社的同事，他們有足夠的動機（貪慾、嫉妒、爭權）要把我趕離工作的崗位，或至少動搖我工作的熱忱；不過，他們根本不知道我的地址。 七十四年元旦中午，我徹底想通了這個世界上唯一有意圖和能力整我的傢伙唐叔；一個在白天給我戒指，又在夜夢中奪回去的大耳鼠輩。 接下來的一長段時間裡，我因連續曠職而被翻譯社開除（想當然耳，這也是唐叔鬥爭我的陰謀的一部分），我曠職的原因很簡單有生以來第一次，我要主動把這個人從陰暗的幕後的某個角落裡找出來。我走遍了平常出入的每一個地方：火車站、自助餐廳、郵局和理髮館，結果也想當然耳我沒找著。 我想在那些日子之中，我的確失去了一點點理智我竟然沒想到他和郭無患是療養院裡的隔壁鄰居。一直到五月十七日傍晚，我坐在美美的床沿上，撫摸那個曾經戴過戒指的骨節，突然憶及前一年十二月三十一日我們在這家小理髮館鄰座的一切對話。我跳起來，衝出門外，但是立刻被那個半年前介紹我和美美認識的男子架住。他把我拖進旁邊的暗巷裡，拳頭像球棒一樣重擊我在全身的每個部位，他根本不聽我說要替美美討回一個綠寶石戒指的話，事情已經非常明白：他也是唐叔的人。 當天下午，我就被關進這所療養院裡來了，而事件尚未結束。唐叔不時會從鐵窗外向我打招呼，左右手各帶一只戒指。他隔著玻璃扯我的耳朵說悄悄話：我們一旦吸收了你，就會永遠照顧你。 可是誰都知道：照顧在我們這一行裡有時也代表危險的意思。目前我正處於極大的危險之中，而且沒有任何人能提供幫助。因為我一直是個非常瘦弱、矮醜、孤獨、正直、有良知血性、身繫絕對機密、稟賦超級能力而且胸懷淑世救民大志的透明人。 （七十五年四月十三、十四日《中國時報》<人間副刊>）