Chapter 3 candle

Grandma is shouting dizzy again: I'm dizzy, I'm dizzy! It was always the same; pulling the long first sound, shaking the weak second sound, waiting for someone to come to her bed. People who are not used to it will be surprised by this strange sound. Ah, why don't you go see your grandma? When Xinxin's classmates come, they often shout in surprise.But Xinxin always said indifferently: Can you stop making such a fuss, she has been shouting for decades. If grandma sees that no one is paying attention to her, if she shouts again, Xinxin will helplessly run to the bed and say to the bald grandma who is facing inward: Grandma, do you want a candle?

Then, Xinxin really brought a small copper candle holder, with a small stump of a candle stuck in it.Grandma lit it tremblingly, illuminating a corner of her bedside.So it can be seen that the white linen mosquito net has not been washed and replaced for a long time, and it has turned into the color of black charcoal.The inner part of the headboard was splashed with oil stains, which were stains left or excreted from food, body, and candles.The same is true for a quilt that does not change throughout the seasons; under it is the grandma who has been lying here for more than 20 years, no, more than 30 years!Grandma's skin is very fair. It should not be just because she has not seen the sun for many years. Grandma must have been pretty when she was young.Judging from the proportions of the whole body, grandma's legs are particularly regressive. There are two thin and hard sticks, and the tops are like two peeled winter bamboo shoots, which have been bound.

In a dark corner, with such a grandma lying there, children will be terrified by the strange cry and shape, but they will sympathize with her.If adults walk in and see it, it's not the case. They will immediately understand that this is a perennial patient, and the family has gotten used to her illness without life or death.Or it can be said that over time, her illness seems to be not an illness, but a way of life. Grandma gets dizzy sometimes. Xinxin’s mother, Meizhen, often tells her friends: Our old lady gets dizzy sometimes. My son doesn’t go home, and he doesn’t get dizzy anymore. As soon as he walks in, he gets dizzy immediately. , Where is the spirit!

When she said these words, the young mistress Meizhen was neither angry nor complaining, but told her friends as a joke.Sometimes she is not shy, and dares to say so in front of grandma.Grandma is almost seventy years old, but her ears are not deaf. She can hear her daughter-in-law saying these words, but her face is turned inward, facing the black and gray mosquito net in front of the wall, and she does not respond, as if she did not hear. nothing the same.Although people laughed at her, she was still the same. When she heard the sound of leather shoes in the yard, it was her son Ji Kang who came back, and she fainted.

Ji Kang, like the rest of the family, didn’t pay much attention to his mother’s dizziness. He heard cries like I’m dizzy, just like hearing the rooster crowing in the backyard, Xinxin blowing the whistle, and Meizhen scolding Xinxin. , only as a voice of his family.So, when he came back, he didn't go to his mother's room, but went straight to his own room, doing what he was supposed to do, undressing, drinking tea, smoking, reading newspapers and so on. But does this mean that Ji Kang is not filial to his mother?No, Ji Kang is the youngest son of his mother, and he has been raised by his mother for the shortest time. He is as old as Xinxin, maybe eight or nine years old, and his mother is already lying on the bed.But rather, it is Ji Kang who understands his mother's suffering best. He can endure his mother's torture better than his elder brothers Bokang, Zhongkang, and Shukang.Even Meizhen didn't understand this. She always told people: In good conscience, our Ji Kang is worthy of being a family member. In any case, he is filial enough. Although he is also annoyed by his mother and ignores her, but, He still sometimes comforts her, feeds her two sips of soup, sits by the bed for a while or something.

However, Meizhen said half-complainingly: Now it's time to take over, and it's our Xinxin's turn to suffer.If Ji Kang was not at home, the old lady would shout dizzy and Xinxin when she knew that Xinxin was coming back from class and playing in the yard for a while. Call you or not?After listening to Meizhen's words, someone will ask Meizhen such a question. never!Meizhen would reply with a malicious smile: She knows it's useless to call me, I didn't say it, the daughter-in-law didn't give birth to herself no matter what, and she is not confused.The main thing, the old lady is not really dizzy.

Is this also a joke? Although it's not for shouting and playing, but it's also to tell your son and grandson, let's rely on it! What Meizhen said was not too much. If Ji Kang and his son were not at home and only the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law were left, grandma would no longer feel dizzy. There was even such a joke that Meizhen often told people: Sometimes someone called the door, but the person who came was not Ji Kang, but the old lady shouted dizzy again, and I got angry and said, old lady, don’t shout, it’s the delivery of soy sauce, not Ji Kang!The old lady stopped humming as expected.

Everyone who listened laughed a lot, and the old lady became a pastime for everyone to chat and laugh.But when Ji Kang was at home, Meizhen would never dare to tell jokes about the old lady. She knew that Ji Kang didn't like people making jokes about his mother. She respected her husband very much, but without Ji Kang In front of her, she couldn't help but talk. When Ji Kang and his son were not at home, grandma lit a small candle to illuminate the corner of her bedside, pinched the softened wax, and meditated in the flickering candlelight. Those years, those characters.The first one to appear in the flickering candlelight was Miss Qiu, with a pointed chin, shiny black hair, and two small gold earrings on her earlobes.She didn't speak much, she pursed her lips tightly.To be honest, Miss Qiu is very well-behaved.But she hated her, she hated Miss Qiu, hated her for being so obedient and silent, for sneaking into her husband's life and occupying her place.

No, she had already given birth to four children at that time, and when she gave birth to Ji Kang and confinement her husband moved to the study to sleep, Miss Qiu bumped into her. Originally, from the time she was born in Zhongkang, every time she gave birth, Miss Qiu was brought from the countryside to help take care of the older child.She is the daughter of the cemetery, and has eaten the food of the old Han family for generations. Unexpectedly, she became a ghost of the Han family first, died before her, and slept in the ancestral grave of the Han family.Maybe she has spotted the Han family's cemetery, so she is determined to enter the Han family's door.

Has she always hated Miss Qiu?But no one knows.Everyone knows how well the grandma of the Han family treats Miss Qiu, what she eats, what Miss Qiu eats, I have never seen a eldest wife who loves her aunt and grandma so much, they all say so.But Miss Qiu is too well-behaved. She always pretends to be inferior to the eldest wife, serving her and raising children for her. Yin Yin smiled.ah!that laugh! She squeezed the softened candle tightly, the wax oil was squeezed out, dripped onto the back of her hand, and burned it a bit. She was used to being burned like this, and she didn't feel any pain.She put the small oil cake that was condensed on the back of her hand back into the candle wick, melted it again, squeezed it tight again, and went back to those early years.Her husband, Qi Fu, came to her candle shadow again.Ji Kang looked exactly like his father, and was half a head taller than him.Since when did she lie down like this?After she gave birth to Ji Kang, she used to keep Ms. Qiu to stay for a few more days. Of course, every time she would keep Ms. Qiu, the children were also familiarized by her, and she was reluctant to leave.Moreover, after Ji Kang was born, and Zhongkang and Shukang had rashes, Miss Qiu couldn't leave, so she stayed until she died.

After knowing about Miss Qiu and Qifu, she hated her to death, but Miss Qiu knelt in front of her, weeping, begging, begging her to punish her so humblely, she was willing to serve the master, wife and young masters forever, because She was reluctant to part with every fat and white child who was almost brought up by her alone.If the wife wants to drive her back to the countryside, she will have no hope of coming back in this life, because she has done shameful things, but how can she never see her wife and children forever!She would rather stay here in a humble way, and she will do all the hard and humble work in order to repay her wife who has been so kind to her. Miss Qiu stayed like this.Tolerance is the attitude that a young lady of her origin should have, not to mention marrying an aunt and grandma is only a matter of time for Qifu.She should take the initiative to do this matter, and she is ready to do it, ready to choose an aunt who is not only suitable for Qifu, but also suitable for her.The master's concubine was chosen by the eldest wife. The status of the eldest wife is indescribably noble and majestic.But I didn't expect Miss Qiu to come early. If she wanted to choose, it would definitely not be Miss Qiu. There is no reason, the reason is that Miss Qiu was not chosen by her. She kept leaving Miss Qiu in her room, and at first it was Miss Qiu's groaning laughter that made her do so.One light and two dark houses, the large main room is a sitting room with hardwood tables, chairs, chime bells, hat tubes, and vases.On the left and right of the main room, she and Miss Qiu live separately. The suite in her house is where the children sleep.Every night, Miss Qiu would send the three older children to bed, humming her country tunes to comfort the children.Put the children to sleep, and then continue to tidy up everything in the room for her.In winter, fill a thermos pot and fold Ji Kang's diapers under the quilt, so as not to be cold when changing the child's diapers in the middle of the night.In summer, she put down the mosquito net to repel mosquitoes, and kept the soles of children's shoes under Mobil lamps.In fact, Lao Zhang's mother used to do all of this, but she took over and let Lao Zhang's mother take care of the heavy work of cleaning the floor and cleaning the glass.When Miss Qiu was doing these things, she pursed her lips tightly and said nothing, as if she was very humble and willing.She waited for his wife to go to bed, and refused to leave. She still sat at the square table under the window and mended something. She didn't even yawn or close her eyes until the wife woke up from sleep and urged her: why not? don't go to sleep? Only then did she pack up her sewing basket, put the Mobil lamp on the tea table in front of the bed, twist it small, and then left.Seeing Miss Qiu's back disappearing outside the dark door, her drowsiness disappeared.Listening quietly to the movement in the opposite room.All of a sudden, Miss Qiu smiled, as if Qi Fu caught her by the waist unexpectedly and smiled like this.Did he just wait so patiently for Miss Qiu to go back to her room?She hates it!I hate Miss Qiu's meekness in front of her!I hate that Qi Fu and Miss Qiu never appear in her room at the same time!I hate that the two of them never left anything that could be used as an excuse! Miss Qiu's laughter turned into a piece of lead pressing on her heart. She couldn't sleep all night, and only closed her eyes at dawn.And early in the morning, Miss Qiu came over. She dressed and dressed the children and sent them to eat snacks.Then I went back to the room and asked her: Ma'am, are you feeling well?Just stop getting up!She was really heavy-haired and disheartened.She let out a long moan, and Miss Qiu had already brought the washing water to the bed. She was lying on the bed and didn't get up all day. Miss Qiu was even busier and stayed in her room even longer at night.Her legs were probably sore from the cold during the confinement period. Miss Qiu beat her gently for a while, thinking that she was asleep, so she tiptoed open the door and went out.She opened her eyes and listened quietly again, hoping to find Miss Qiu's laughter, but she didn't, so is Qi Fu already under the covers and waiting?She lifted the quilt, got out of bed, and sat on the low stool beside the bed, with only a pair of single pants on her legs. Even more numb. Ever since Qifu took in Miss Qiu, she never came to their room, even though she was right in front of her eyes.She has status, and she doesn't bother to go.Qifu would come to visit her every day, let alone Miss Qiu.At her age, it was too early for her husband to already have aunts and aunts, but she refused to go to his room since then. She had the modesty, pride and generosity of a family woman, but she hated them. The condition of her legs has not been very good, but it is not absolutely impossible to get up, walk and sit, but she does not. During the day, she reasoned that she was dizzy and her legs hurt, and she leaned on this big copper bed.Maybe it was because she lay down for too long, thought too much, and ate too little. One day, her eyes turned black, and she passed out after saying "I'm dizzy."When she opened her eyes, there was a circle of people in front of the bed. Qi Fu was picked up from the yamen. He sat on the bed and hugged her, supporting half of her body. It turned out that she was leaning against his in arms.For a long time, he hadn't sat by her bed, let alone leaned in his husband's arms like this.She let out a long moan and sighed, and tears came down.But Qi Fu and everyone around her in the family consoled her with one voice, saying: Grandma, don't worry, even though you are sick, there is Miss Qiu at home, don't worry. She closed her eyes even more painfully, she was not sick, not as serious as people said!But didn't she even have the chance to lean in her husband's arms like this?She put her head on Qifu's chest harder, let her snuggle with him for a while longer, but someone was talking beside the bed: Master, you'd better let the grandma lie down and be more comfortable, as this will make her chest feel even more uncomfortable. Who said this?Is it Miss Qiu's idea?Sure enough, Qi Fu gently put her on the pillow, which was cold. In this way, she was even more reluctant to get up. Miss Qiu took care of her all day and night and took care of the children.Family members and friends all boasted that it was lucky to have Miss Qiu, and it was lucky to have Miss Qiu. Miss Qiu has lost weight, and the whole family is carried on her originally small shoulders, but Miss Qiu never complains, she is still the same, no matter how late it is, she waits there without yawning or rolling her eyes. Combined.Can't she forgive Miss Qiu?She can slowly practice getting up and walking around, just like every night, when Miss Qiu returns to their room, doesn't she also get up quietly, go to the suite to cover the children's heads, or in the square Sit on the chair in front of the table, or even stick to the door to listen to the movement in the opposite room?But she didn't, she hated it to death, so she closed her eyes and moaned again. Miss Qiu hurried over: Ma'am, are you having a hard time? She closed her eyes tightly and moaned again. Mrs.Qiu girl shouted softly. She could have opened her eyes, but she didn't and she wouldn't. Ma'am, Miss Qiu's voice raised and finally trembled, ma'am!In a panic, she ran to the door to call the master in the opposite room. Qi Fu came over, sat on the edge of the bed, took her hand, patted her mouth, shook her head lightly, and shouted: Ma'am!Mrs!She opened her eyes slightly, and I was dizzy.she said weakly. There are many medicines on the bedside, and many doctors have come to see her. She has become a real patient.Whether it was true or not, even she herself couldn't tell.Sometimes she is really disheartened, lying on the bed and not even bothering to stretch half of her body.On a cloudy day in the quilt, she turned her face inward and asked Miss Qiu to light a candle for her, and by the flickering candlelight, she read pens and flowers, read Nine Lives, and even Journey to the West.But sometimes the unbearable bitterness and resentment suddenly broke out, and she would drop the book, close her eyes and moan: I'm dizzy!He recruited Qi Fu and Miss Qiu and ran over in a hurry. So she often dizzy.If she heard that Qi Fu came back from the yamen, instead of coming to her room, but went to the opposite room, she would cry and feel dizzy.One day, she noticed that the lights in the opposite room had been turned off early for a rest, so she sat up, got off the ground, and walked over to the door of the room.During these times, it was even more difficult for her to walk, and her legs were indeed very strange.What was she going to do at the door?Can't she just relax and go back to bed and sleep peacefully?At that moment of panic and pain, she intentionally or unintentionally knocked down the small tea table in front of the bed, and the cup of tea and snack jars on it fell to the brick floor.She was going to fumble to pick it up, but she had already woken up the people in the opposite room. When they ran over, she sat down on the ground.Qi Fu supported her and said: How is this going?Take her back to bed quickly.She hugged Qifu tightly with both arms, and suddenly saw the Mobil lamp on the square table, so she said: Take the lamp, I want to take the lamp. Qi Fu put her down, and immediately turned to scold Miss Qiu: What do you care, why didn't you bring the lamp over! Miss Qiu didn't make a sound, endured Qi Fu's scolding, and silently picked up the things that fell on the ground. But after a while, the two of them went back to the room, and after a while, the lights went out again.He didn't really scold Miss Qiu for her, did he?They both had fallen asleep again.She felt bloated in her chest, like a balloon blown by Zhongkang and the others, which was about to burst. She extinguished the light, and in the boundless darkness, beat her chest, scratched and tore her skirt, I was dizzy, I was dizzy, She cried softly and cried.She didn't dare to amplify her voice, only this time, she didn't shout for others to hear. Until she couldn't move her legs, the youngest, Ji Kang, was already four or five years old, right?That year Qi Fu fell ill and was unable to get up when he collapsed on the bed. She wanted to struggle to see him, but her degenerated calf was actually paralyzed there, like two thin white sticks that had been discarded. When Qifu swallowed his last breath and there was crying in the opposite room, she was left alone in this room. She regretted and hated, but there was nothing she could do. After so many years, she lay here, lost Miss Qiu, and lost every son who became a family and lived separately. Now she only has Ji Kang, a dependable son, but she has a grandson.She was very happy and hoped that her grandson Xinxin would often come to her bed to play. If Xinxin didn't come, why couldn't she shout dizziness! But she really felt a little uncomfortable today. Since the morning, her head has been dizzy and nauseous, but she doesn't feel dizzy anymore, and she doesn't bother to light the small candle end, just in the dark , she mused.After thinking about it for a while, she became dizzy for a while, until it was dark, but she didn't cry out.Ji Kang noticed this unusual situation sensitively, this time he didn't wait for his mother to call, he automatically ran to her bed. Ji Kang poked his head into the dark mosquito net, bent down and called: Mother.And lit the candle in front of the bed, only then saw that the mother was already in a trance, and she couldn't fully answer the son's question. Ji Kang hurriedly told Meizhen to go to a nearby hospital, and asked a doctor to give her mother a booster shot first.Sitting on the edge of the bed, Ji Kang stroked his mother's shoulders and arms, which was rare for him, and suddenly made him repent. He has been negligent for so many years, and he has never had a good time when he heard his mother's cry. To come to her bed, so today she refused to cry all day.Although he has always been skeptical about the reason why his mother was paralyzed on the bed, after all, it was because of giving birth to him that his mother started to behave like this.The very early memory is probably a night younger than Xinxin's now. He opened his eyes suddenly and saw his mother trembling towards his bed.Mom can't walk anymore?He thought strangely, but closed his eyes inexplicably, and his mother came over and pulled the quilt up for him to cover his shoulders.When he got up the next morning, he saw that his mother was still lying on the bed. Miss Qiu fetched water for her face, but she was still washing, eating and feeling dizzy on the bedside.He couldn't understand what was going on, so he couldn't help saying to his mother: Mom, I seemed to have a dream last night.He stared at his mother's face. Tell me.Mother smiled. I dreamed that you could walk, came to my bed and covered me with a quilt. Yeah?The mother said indifferently: "The dream is reversed. I dreamed that I could walk, but I couldn't walk." Ji Kangyong would never forget this dream, and when he gradually became sensible, he suspected that it was not a dream.He thought he knew his mother best, even though he couldn't bear her mother's frequent yelling from time to time.But today she stopped barking, the real coma is here.The small candle holder by the bed has been burned out, someone bought a new candle and put it on the small table, but she no longer needs light. When Meizhen led the doctor in, grandma was already on her deathbed. The doctor shook his head, but still opened his medicine box.The room seemed a bit chaotic, Xinxin hid behind his father and the doctor, he said to his father: Dad, I know what Granny has. Is it polio?