Chapter 25 Chapter Twenty-Five

July 3, 1893 picnic capture light shadow purple Jiaqi stared blankly at Fei Di's constantly moving lips, but her mind was stuck in a place farther than the Cape of Good Hope.What is he saying? Why can he still say these incomprehensible and illogical things so seriously?The barbarians had approached the city, had broken through the gates, set fire to the walls, and were about to enter the fortress. They're stuck.The dilemma is so deep and so wide that the most seasoned mountaineer breaks down and runs home crying, and the greatest sailor turns back as soon as he sets sail. She remembered.He was chatting about "Afternoon in the Park" at her request so they could have a serious conversation and at least for the time he was visiting she could pretend all was well and the smoke in Skyrim was nothing more than a whole pig being roasted in the kitchen Get ready for a dinner party.

She blinked, trying to concentrate. Two days after returning to London, Condon traveled to Bavaria to visit his grandparents.But the damage has already been done.He had been away for more than a month, and during those eight hundred hours, she kept thinking about their last night together, and his bold proposal for reconciliation still took her breath away.Everything reminded her of him.She used to pay little attention to the decoration of the home, but now every little detail tells the story of her wild hope. The piano, the paintings, the Greek marble floor tiles in the foyer, she chose because of the color. Exactly the same as his eyes.

Was the choice she made really right? She knows what it's like to make a decision against conscience, the torment of fear and bone-biting anxiety that permeates and pollutes all joy and joy.She was quite sure at the moment that she was on the side of morality this time. Didn't people say that if you make the right decision, you will gain strength in your heart?Why can't she feel it?Why can't she fall asleep soundly and feel at ease?Now that she made the right decision, why did she feel out of breath, almost suffocating at times? She allowed Ferdy to visit again every day in order to quell the gossip that had arisen from the Devon trip.Ferdi's visit successfully suppressed the rumors, but it could not calm her inner unease.They still get along well, but the sense of belonging to each other is disintegrating day by day, like an antique tapestry from the tenth century, which will be ashes and damp when it comes into contact with the air.

Ferdy, she interrupted him. Um? They had avoided physical contact since Condon's return, and that's when she broke the rules and kissed him. Kissing Zandi was always pretty good, sometimes pretty good, but she needed more than good or good.She needs passion, preferably fire, to erase the imprint of her husband, to erase the memory of her frenzied response, the hungering indulgence, the desperate need. That kiss was very beautiful. During the whole process, she thought about the person she should forget. She backed away, smirking.Sorry, I digressed.Let's move on to the painting.

Ferdy glanced at the door, as if he was afraid that he would see the ridicule of twenty maids running away, spreading the erotic scene that he had just seen to everyone.There was silence in the hallway, and he leaned over to kiss her again. No.She held him back, unwilling to rediscover how differently the two men elicited in her, or how easy it was to think of Condon to ignite her enthusiasm.We can't do that just yet.I was wrong just now. Ferdy's eyes were disappointed, but he nodded in acceptance of her thoughts.There are three hundred and nine days.he sighed.Every day feels like three days.

At least in this regard, their feelings are exactly the same.She turned the conversation back to his paintings because it was too dangerous to talk about anything else.I'm glad you're busy.Mrs Renworth was heard to be very pleased with the portrait. The beauty of her reading cheered Ferdy a little.Two days ago, I went to Carlesso's house for dinner. Miss Carlesso asked me to help her draw a picture, and the work should start next week. It seems she at least appreciates your talent. Alas, she warned that if I didn't live up to the standards she demanded, she'd absolutely criticize me.Ferdy smiled.do you knowShe went to the Impressionist exhibition.I always thought you were the only one I knew who understood Impressionism.

Jiaqi stood up abruptly, and Fei Di also stood up in surprise.What's wrong?Is it because of Miss Carlesso?I should ask you first No, not because of Miss Carlesso.Oh, it would be nice if it was.If only Ferdy and Miss Carlesso had a secret relationship.It's because of me.Here's something I should have told you a long time ago: I don't know anything about Impressionism. But you have the most amazing collection I've ever seen.you That was bought in bulk.I bought all the paintings in a private gallery.Because Tremes likes Impressionist works. Fei Di's expression was extremely startled, as if he heard that the queen's nine children were all illegitimate children.but don't you

Yes, I used to love him dearly.I didn't marry him just for the title.But I took it so far that the marriage withered before it came to fruition.She took a deep breath.I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, sorry.I'm really sorry. Ferdy swallowed, trying to digest the past she just revealed in one breath.He cleared his throat, and she immediately tensed up.God, what would she say if he asked her if she still loved her husband?She can't lie to him, especially at this moment.However, she didn't have the courage to face the truth, and she couldn't bear the terrible fear brought by love. That kind of love had already derailed her life once.

Ferdy's expression was conflicted, just like her mood.He looked down at the shoes, stuffed one hand in his pocket and took it out, then began to play with the watch chain.You really don't know anything about Impressionism. She didn't know how to react.Should I laugh?Should you breathe a sigh of relief?Should we cry?Maybe Ferdy just fell in love with her because of the paintings.Maybe he was as afraid to face that question as she was. She pointed to the painting behind him.It was a landscape, blue sky, blue water, a French village with ochre-red roofs and walls like oatmeal.Do you know who made that painting?

Ferdy looked back.Know. I don't know, at least I don't remember.That time I bought twenty-nine paintings in one go.She caressed his cheek.Oh, Ferdy, please forgive me.I She stopped suddenly, put down that hand first, and then turned around. Her movements were very slow, as if she noticed a criminal with a knife standing behind her.Her husband stood there, leaning against the door frame. She was taken aback, her heart throbbing with sheer joy. Mrs Tredos.He nods.Lord Frederick. Her joy instantly turned to self-blame.How can she be so bad?She completely forgot about Ferdy, as if he wasn't there, as if he never existed.

Ferdy bowed awkwardly.Lord Tremais. She couldn't respond to Condon's greeting, nor his gaze.She used to believe that divorce was the key to happiness, and she just wanted to leave him behind and never look back, and she was sure she could do it, but now she couldn't remember why she had that idea. Why didn't she see clearly?Why didn't she notice it sooner?In fact, she wanted to fight with her back and set off the most magnificent waves in hundreds of years. Why is Condon turning everything upside down.Not only did he admit that he was wrong, but he even asked her if she would start over and start a new life together.Is he crazy? Could it be that she is the one who is crazy? I was about to say goodbye, said Shangdi. Lord Frederick, don't be so polite, don't be so troublesome because of me.Mrs. Tremais's friends were always the honored guests of the house.Condon had a personable demeanor and a courteous tone.I have been exhausted for a long time, and I want to go to rest first, so excuse me. As soon as Condon walked away, Ferdy immediately turned to her, his expression half astonished, half panicked.did he see us No.If he was there just now, she should have felt it.He just stood there for a few seconds at most. Are you sure? If you are worried that Trevor will do me harm, fear not, he will not harm me, any more than you. Ferdy took her hand.I don't seem to be worried about that.I'm afraid that the longer he stays by your side, the less willing he is to let you go. No, quite the opposite.It was because the longer she was with Kang Deng, the more reckless she was to let him go. She patted Ferdy's hand.Don't panic, dear.No one can take me away from you. She made the right decision.Do not doubt. Although she told herself so, that sworn promise sounded too hypocritical and empty. Condon tore off his tie and threw it on the bed.He walked across the room to wash his face, then covered it with a towel.She caressed another man, her movements full of tenderness and affection.What else did she do to him? Condon flicked the towel vigorously, and the mirror above the washstand reflected its reflection.He looked like a Parisian mob preparing to attack the Bastille, with a threatening expression. He splashed a little water on the mirror.The water droplets slid down the glass mirror, and the vicious face became blurred. He was angry at himself for being so stubborn.True, he shouldn't have suggested a fresh start hastily, but he'd given her a month to think things over.She belonged to him, not Frederick, there was no doubt about it in Condon's eyes, and he couldn't understand why she would make the opposite choice. But what angered him the most was his own stubbornness.So what if she made a stupid choice?At least she kept her promises and was upright.She reiterated that she would even swim across the Channel in January if only she could marry Frederick.Why he refused to accept.Why is he still dreaming, hoping, and doing everything possible to save him? He walked to the suitcase, not sure if it was necessary to unpack it.He had picked today to be back in England because the Campania was due to sail for New York this week.The scene he saw this afternoon was enough to make him give up. The image appeared in his mind again, she caressed Frederick's cheek with extreme delicacy.Oh, Ferdy, please forgive me, she said, then glanced at Condon and looked away quickly. Condon frowned, he hadn't thought of this part just now.Why does Jiaqi want Federico to forgive her?Except for the time when she lost herself, she had always been faithful to him.Condon thought it impossible for her to tell anyone, let alone Frederick, about her private affairs. His mind went blank for a minute, and then the world turned upside down.God, she has it, she is happy.She is pregnant with a baby. The reason why she agreed to his condition was because she planned to use contraception in the first place.He knew her, she would not give up her first child to marry Frederick.She will stay with Condon and run the household together.And they can't help but go back to bed every time, so the family continues to expand. He was so excited that he couldn't think, and the absurd and sentimental images filled his mind.Belonging to his own family, there are a lot of stubborn and mischievous little ghosts, all of them have bright eyes and bright smiles.The puppy was running around the room, with her chubby little hands outstretched for him to hug, while she naturally sat in the center like a queen. This is what he wants.This is what his students pursue.The coat on his body was crepe from the long journey, and he took it off quickly, and opened the suitcase to find another one.There was a vague regret in the back of his mind that he didn't want to be chosen by chance, but he didn't care anymore.A new life unfolded before his eyes, and the endless possibilities dazzled him. The manager, Goodman, came in to deliver the letter, and took the coat Condon had chosen to be ironed.Condon waited anxiously for his coat to be returned, flipping through the stack of letters. One of them was sent by Xiudora. They still kept in touch after their respective marriages, and she wrote letters very diligently.At first she used just Mr., but gradually it became Dear Mr., then Dearest Mr., Dear Friend.Now it is my dearest friend. He skims through the contents.She's fine, and so are the twins.Winters in Buenos Aires are warm and humid.They moved there because the climate in the south was suitable for her husband to recuperate. Now that he passed away, she considered moving back to Europe for the sake of her children.Besides, she was going to New York at the end of the summer, and she would be delighted if he would pay him a visit.In the past two years, she missed him very much. Not long after she married the Grand Duke, Xiudora moved to Buenos Aires because of his health.During the southern hemisphere winter in June, July and August, they usually go to Newport, where they have a house.Condon is busy with his career and rarely has time to participate in summer entertainment shows, but he occasionally sails north to participate in some activities and visit her by the way, and every time he brings gifts for Marsha and Sasha. He misses her and the twins too, but won't be able to go back and see them this summer.He's going to be in the UK for a long time because he's about to get busy with bigger, better things, and he's going to be a dad. Goodman is back.Condon put on his freshly ironed coat and tie, and after a while he realized that the steward hadn't left, waiting for Condon to pay attention to him. What's the matter, Goodman.He asked and busily tied his tie. Madam Ling Wan will have dinner at home, will the Sir accompany Madam.Goodman asked. Condon hesitated.Goodman's tone was strange, almost melancholy.Every time he sees Condon, Goodman is always secretly filled with righteous indignation, complaining for his mistress, why did he suddenly change today. All right, Condon replied. He finally came home and never left again. She didn't hear his footsteps coming into the back hall, she was lying on the chaise longue, wrapped in a blue dress, the color was like the lightness of the Mediterranean Sea, her head was tilted back, staring blankly at the center of the ceiling, two diameters in diameter. Meter plaster disc. He seldom saw her like this, motionless, a little drowsy, lazy and sexy, like the goddess of water springs who feasted all night and took a nap the next day on a sultry spring afternoon.Her skirt was held down, the outermost layer pulled tight, and the silk satin framed her round hips and her slender legs, long enough to span the English Channel. He savored her beauty to his heart's content, sweetened her sleepy sexiness, but it was a pity that she was too quick to notice his presence.She lowered her bare feet from the chaise longue and resumed her upright sitting posture. You look fine, he said. She was so surprised by his appreciation that she did something she wouldn't normally do.She raised her hand to examine the bun, and tucked the escaped strand behind her right ear.Thank you, her tone was a little distracted.The same to you. Such a switch is not too bad at first.Sorry to bother you earlier. Oh, nothing, Zandi was about to leave anyway. did you tell him tell him what? He froze for a moment.Her tone didn't feel shy, but she really didn't understand. She is not pregnant. Suddenly he felt dizzy, as if someone had hit the back of his head with a big stick. Nothing, he said.nothing. He walked up to the grandfather clock, took out his pocket watch and pretended to be right, but he really wanted to take the poker by the fireplace and smash the whole back hall.The children they will have, the life they will share, all dreams collapsed and destroyed in an instant under the onslaught of reality.She didn't know his pain at all, and abandoned the happiness of the two of them indifferently.Like moldy bread still falling. He turned the clockwork that didn't need to be adjusted, and no one spoke for a while.Then he heard the sound of her taking a deep breath, a stab in his heart, knowing what she was going to say. I'm not pregnant, she said.Will you let me go? No, every cell in his body screamed.He definitely didn't want to let her go.Honestly speaking, he misses the old days, when women had no choice at all in matters of marriage, and he could brutally hang Federico upside down in the dungeon, tear her shirt to shreds, and sit on the big table at the front of the hall. Possessing her, the regional bishop stood by and watched, even if he disdainful, he could only condemn her with his eyes. There is still a long period of time left in their agreement.Although she refuses to get back together with him, it doesn't mean that she can cancel the conditions she agreed to at the beginning.Even though every touch will be accompanied by danger, he still wants to force her to abide by the agreement. His heart was beating wildly.He had to close his eyes to control his ragged breathing.True, he had many ways of coercing her, and although the husband was no longer in his former position, English law still gave him great powers.However, what's the point of forcing her to submit. She insisted on clinging to the so-called right love, thinking that she must be responsible for Frederick, that kind of feeling was deep and sincere, but extremely fallacious.Looking at her like this, he seemed to see himself before. It was clear to her ten years ago that he and Xiudora were not compatible.But she lacked confidence in him, thinking he couldn't detect it on his own.If he intentionally impregnated her in order to tie her into the marriage, it would be tantamount to committing the same mistake as she did back then. But what if she never wakes up?What if she is unable to correct herself when she wakes up?The primitive instinct in his heart roared, trembling with anxiety, the whole person fell into worry and couldn't help himself.That kind of thing is likely to happen, he can't sit idly by, no.His world would fall apart. Did she feel the same back then?The same anxiety, the same worry and depression, the same bone-biting fear of losing him forever. If he was only nineteen years old, he should also go astray.At the age of thirty-one, even though he had been deeply hurt by it, he still almost couldn't help but want to intervene. Fortunately, he still had self-esteem and a sliver of reason, which finally saved him at the last moment.He wanted her to remain his wife, but not because she couldn't leave his bed, or because she loved her children too much to give up.He hoped it was because she couldn't imagine life without being his wife anymore, because she knew she was entwined with him with every breath she took, in good times and bad, in health and in bad, and as long as they lived they were inseparable . As you wish, he said. What? ! She couldn't believe it.She must have heard wrong.impossible. Go pop the champagne, you'll be Mrs. Stewart by this time next year. She didn't understand why she was so surprised, but she was so sad that she almost broke down, as if she had been waiting for weeks for him to come back and get back together with her, vowing never to let her go. Unexpectedly, what he did next shocked her even more.He took her hand and said, I'm bad, right?Came here to get you into an embarrassing situation. He played with her hand unconsciously, stroking the inside of her knuckles with the pad of his index finger.His hands were cold and slightly damp, as if they had just been washed and dried.The skin of his fingertips scratched her palm vaguely, reminding her that those hands could not only play the piano and draw miniatures. She wanted to kiss that hand, every rough pad, every knuckle.She wanted to suck the underside of his thumb, lick the lines in his palm. How she wished she was pregnant.How, how hopeful. She sincerely hopes to become pregnant.Hope, dream, long with the will of a garden weed.It was an answer to prayer, a clarion call to victory, a catalyst for the future, and once you have a child, the path ahead becomes clear in no time. But, that didn't happen. So, you're going back to New York?She controlled her voice carefully so as not to choke herself. I should take the next boat out.My engineers are very excited because the company car is making great progress.My accountant couldn't wait to jump on an investment opportunity because the stock market is soaring right now, and he's citing prosaic reasons, as if his reason for leaving had nothing to do with the end of his marriage.If you're going to bid for a railroad project, you'd better go to America late this year or early next year. I'll remember, she said dully. He stood up, and she stood up after him. You'll have to watch out for the young lady trying to get rich, she's not sure if a crappy smirk can hide her sadness. There are also those who want to cling to the nobles.he smiles.And those who are stunned by my style. Oh yes, especially beware of that. Don't cry.Don't cry now. She suddenly realized that it was she who didn't want to let him go now, not the other way around.He just let her grab his hand in horror.He didn't speak.He had said all he wanted to say to her. Let go, she ordered herself.Let go, let go, let go. Although she finally managed it, it was not because of her determination, but because her hands were weak and weak, because those hands no longer belonged to her, and she no longer had the right to touch him at will. Goodbye, she said.Bon Voyage. I wish you happiness, he said with great solemnity, and kissed her on the cheek.Parting is such a sweet sadness. She felt like her heart was being bitten by a hell dog but it kept beating. How could such sadness be so sweet?She could only watch in despair as he walked out of her sight, her life. This time he will never come back.