Chapter 5 Chapter Four

At breakfast, Bernie pretended to be engrossed in admiring the sunrise, the red-gold rays that covered the mountains on the east side of the Chitra Valley.But she had been watching Leo out of the corner of her eye, following his every movement in the camp.He oversaw the unpacking of the canopy, inspected each mule's load, conferred with the guides, and even talked with a few coolies with the maids in some vernacular language. This last incident did not make her feel like trusting.She has seen many English gentlemen and ladies speak to the local people. In addition to English, they often include one or two specious Hindi sentences (Annotation: One of the fourteen official languages ​​​​of India.), and when they told the servants When they poured a glass of water, the servant brought a handful of betel nut leaves, which made them so angry that they smoked.

Anyway, now she was in his grasp. The Chitra region is located at the top of the Hindu Kush, where the highest mountains and largest glaciers are located.Leo departed from Gilgit via the Chandul Pass at an altitude of 4,000 meters.To return to the plains of India, they must descend from the Lowari Pass at an altitude of 3,500 meters, pass through Dir, which is still a mountainous area, and then continue southward. Going over mountains and mountains was Bernie's least favorite pastime.During the journey from Kashmir to Leh, she accompanied three British tourists. The coolies quarreled endlessly, the food was unpalatable, and the British tourists complained endlessly, accusing the Kashmiri natives of being lazy and unreliable.The journey from Leh to Chitra, although not so much disputed, was very laborious due to poor planning, the cook was behind and everyone starved, and the tea cake was put together with the opened sardine can, and it was full of fishy smell very heavy oil.Not long after the departure, the galvanized iron bathtub of Mr. and Mrs. Bai was damaged by three holes due to improper handling, and they could not be used later.

He came to announce that it was time to go, and she asked: You said you could reach Peshawar in a week? We will not pass through Peshawar.Nowshera is closer. Can we reach Nowshera in a week? It only takes me four days to get there by myself.As for whether we can arrive within a week, it depends on whether you have the ability to travel. Of course she is capable.On the contrary, his dark circles were serious, and he was so thin that he was almost skinny.Despite his tan, he still had an unhealthy pallor. The involuntary care tore at her heart.The travel and trek of the past few months had drained his energy.He must be on the verge of exhaustion.Let alone four days, if he were to reach Noucera in a week, he would surely fall ill.

Did you eat breakfast yet?she asked. He had already walked away, but still stopped to answer: I have eaten before. What did you eat? He frowned, as if he felt that it was annoying for her to go to the bottom of it.Porridge or something. He is already malnourished, and he has to walk a very difficult journey. How can this little nutrition be enough?She checked his complexion again, trying to judge from his appearance whether there was something wrong with his health. Are you losing your appetite? I thought it was because I was disgusted by seeing you, but his tone was extremely gentle and vicious.

She bit her lower lip.Meaning yes or no. Meaning I don't need to see a doctor, so leave me alone.He turned and looked back.Even if I need to see a doctor, I will never go to you. When he learned of Leo's engagement, Will once asked him half-jokingly and half-seriously: Are you sure you didn't suffer from a disease that would vomit blood and suppurate?Ebene has no interest in healthy men. Is it because she is not interested in you, so you are unwilling?Leo replied with a smug smile, brilliant youth, brilliant stupidity. He raised his hand to touch her hat mockingly, but she reached out and grabbed his wrist.Her fingers were cold, and she gripped it firmly but without force or emotion.Her hair, her beautiful hair, was ruined like satin cut by a knife.

I'm afraid you have no choice, she said calmly.The nearest road to the road is to have a doctor at the Zhuoxu Fortress. After passing there, the only way to receive treatment is to go to Malakan. After about fifteen seconds, she let go of his wrist and put one hand on his forehead. He didn't want to be so close to her, let alone be touched by her.I don't have a fever, he said gruffly. But tomorrow will be hard to say.About a week ago he started feeling dizzy and sore, but since the symptoms disappeared the next day, he thought it was just overwork.But the next day he developed a low-grade fever and chills.It's been like this all the time, one day is better, the next day it's uncomfortable again.However, with each round, the fever and chills became more severe.He even shuddered as he passed through a shady area on the way to the Rumple Valley.

She withdrew her hand from his forehead and looked at him slightly puzzled.Yes, you don't have a fever.Do you have rashes or pimples?Local pain?Body pain?dizzy?Chill? No, neither.Didn't I say that I don't need to see a doctor.Don't waste time, there is still a long way to go. Not today, she said. What? I hadn't ridden a horse for a long time and it took a few days to get used to it.I don't want to ride too far today. He really wanted to pass the Lowari pass today, because if he had a fever again tomorrow, and the fever was worse than before, he might not have the strength to go up the mountain, and it might be difficult to even go down the mountain.

Her request puzzled him.She's not a delicate woman: when they were a couple, she often worked around the clock.Although she looks slender, her stamina is definitely stronger than the average person. Well, he said indignantly.I'll be careful not to ride too far today. Thank you for your understanding, she said. She nodded and walked to the waiting horses.At this time, he felt more deeply that her request was very strange.It's nothing like her.The Ebene he knew would rather be worn out by the saddle than to be frank and show weakness, just like when she reluctantly had intercourse with him, her fists were clenched and her legs were stiff.

Some people change, said the voice inside him. Some won't. They crossed the river at Drash, and Leo sent a telegram to the British fort to inform Carrie that he had found Benny and would telegraph again when he arrived at Nowshera.After a simple lunch, they continued on the road, and the journey was unexpectedly smooth without any unexpected incidents. They stopped by an orchard, and waited for the coolies to catch up and set up camp.The wall of the orchard was waist-high, and Bernie sat on the top of the wall and fanned herself with a straw hat.He stood against the wall, facing the blue river below.

This is near the southern end of the Chitra Valley's cone-shaped outlet, where the creek makes a half-circle.The cultivated land on both sides of the meandering river is reclaimed into terraced fields, where rice, corn and fruit trees are planted.Surrounded on three sides by majestic cliffs, human villages seem insignificant. You still don't talk to your father?he asks. She was staring at the river in a daze, but these words woke her up abruptly.I never stopped talking to my father, she said. He was peeling a pear with a knife when he looked up.She noticed his horrible hands again, but his movements were still graceful, and a long curly pear skin was not cut at all.

He bought the pears from the orchard owner just now.Bei Ni liked pears very much, but she would not ask for it even if she was killed.Maybe she could sneak in and buy some later when he was overseeing the camp. You don't care if your father lives or dies, he pointed out. His hat was arbitrarily tilted on his head, and his clothes were in dire need of ironing.He looked so weak that he could barely stay awake, let alone stand.She was thankful that she had insisted on not riding a horse for more than thirty kilometers to prevent him from overtiring him.As he stood there peeling pears, with his coat hanging loosely on his frame, she couldn't help but keep looking at him with an involuntary feeling almost tender, as if he were a disoriented, exhausted traveler who was ruthlessly The fate of her life was abandoned at the door of her house. In my mind, Ajaffe is just a stranger. A father should not be a stranger. She shrugged.Sometimes it does. Husband too?He didn't look at her, with a puzzled smile on his face. He evidently did not expect her to answer, for he then offered a slice of pear.She hesitated for a moment, then took off her gloves and took it.Pears are cool and juicy, sweet with a unique bitterness of pears. She never thought that there would be a day when they would be strangers.Sometimes she wished Dr. Chung didn't have food poisoning that day, so she wouldn't have to go to Berkeley Street to perform a caesarean section.Then her illusion might not be shattered. Maybe they are still husband and wife, and she still enjoys the bliss of ignorance. She put her hat back on and tightened her girdle.So, the last time you saw my father, how was his health? Leo, unlike her, has always been on good terms with her family.He seemed to be able to find many good things in his parents-in-law, and her father and stepmother returned him with love. He raised a sword eyebrow.Why, I thought you were heartless. She froze.may be.Maybe I'm just trying to pretend to chat. He snorted and snorted.You can't chat at all.Sometimes I think your silence is even enough to fill the distance between the stars. No such thing, I talk a lot. Only when you have to.He hands over another slice of pear.She was tempted to say no, but the pears were very fresh and perfectly ripe. When I dined with your family at the beginning of the year, I thought he was quite tough.He published a new book on Milton, and he gave me a copy before I went abroad.I finished it on the boat crossing the Red Sea.He glances at her.You never read his books, do you? She shook her head.She hadn't read it, but she had burned several copies. At the time, she was eight or nine years old, and she was still very concerned that Aegie Feining could devote all his time to writing books, and was stingy with spending time with his daughter. It was a wonderful book, very insightful. One can imagine.How is Carrie? Still the same, full of strange ideas.And still haven't married. It seems she followed my example.What about the rest? Your stepmother feels a little vain.She broke her wrist last winter and was inactive for a long time.Paul hasn't changed at all.An Ge was recuperating from emotional injuries because she was rejected because of her marriage proposal to Miss Bei.He again offered a slice of pear.But you don't really care, do you? He didn't know her at all, and yet sometimes he knew her so well that it surprised her. where is your family. He gave her a puzzled look, but answered anyway.all good.Will and Lizzy have moved back to London.Mathew's portraits cost astronomical sums.Charlie decided to continue, any woman who was alive and breathing and willing to be the stepmother to a large family of children.Jerry is busy being his earl. His four elder brothers love this little brother very much, and his parents also take good care of him.He was held in the palm of his hand since he was a child, and he didn't know the feeling of neglect, neglect and desolation at all. How is Sir Robb? On the night when the marriage was annulled, Leo's godfather said coldly to Bernie: He is the most outstanding young man I have ever seen, and you are without a doubt the stupidest woman. very nice.Now is a good time to start a bank because South African gold brings great wealth. She nods.A good chunk of that fortune would go to Leo in a few years.If she had known that Leo's godfather had listed him as the main heir in his will and that he didn't need the property she brought, would she have had the courage to propose to him?maybe.After being kissed by him, she only thought about kissing him again all day long.Not only that, but she wanted to do all the things she had read in books that felt ridiculous and would definitely embarrass a civilized person to death. Don't ask all the questions in one breath, he said while biting the pear pit.That would leave us speechless for the rest of the road. She looked at him, looked at his empty hands, and realized that he gave her all the pulp, and he didn't eat a piece himself, only gnawing on the core. In an instant, another question popped up in her mind.Because although she said that he no longer exists.But in reality it is not so easy to do.The waves in her heart forced her to speak. So how are you doing? He throws away the core.why do you want to know She pursed her lips and shrugged. Ah, I forgot, you just wanted to chat, the corner of his mouth twitched, but it wasn't a smile.It's pretty good.I have traveled the world, met many interesting men and women, and received a great welcome wherever I went. It's not hard to imagine that he's just getting back to his wonderful single life. He wiped his hands with a handkerchief.After putting the handkerchief back in his pocket, he propped it up with both hands.The hands close to her were covered by his shadow.Without direct light, the wounds and bruises on his hands became less obvious, and only the graceful shape of his fingers could be seen. During their extremely brief engagement, he visited Ai's house every Sunday afternoon to see her.Those long fingers came to her when no one was around in her father's study.She allowed him to hold hands, but he always climbed restlessly.On the last Sunday visit, he not only unbuttoned her sleeves, but kissed the delicate skin on the inside of her elbow.A whole new desire was awakened that kept her shivering and unable to sleep through the night. and you.How are you doing?His tone didn't seem to want to ask. Apart from her hair, her appearance hasn't changed much.Still the cold, arrogant and distant woman, most of whom won people's respect rather than love.However, her heart can no longer return to the past. She was living contentedly, with no desire to marry, and no interest in the empty rituals of social circles.Medicine is the god of the street, and she is the busy priest of the infinite temple. When he appeared in her life, she seemed to be struck by lightning.It was also as if the ordinary landscape in her heart had been dug up by archaeologists, revealing a large area of ​​ancient ruins, full of repressed hunger and thirst and lost hopes. After leaving him, it took her a long time to finally understand that she could never return to the stable, narrow, emotionless life in her early twenties. She used to live happily, never knowing that under the calm surface, There are many secrets and turmoil in her heart. Her heart was inexplicably agitated, and every year or so she wanted to pack her luggage and run to the other side of the earth. Apart from that, she was doing well. Even if she couldn't calm down, at least she was no longer fighting with herself. Until he reappeared in her life without warning. Can't tell, she finally answered.I guess it's safe to say I barely survived. Leo wasn't telling the truth.The happiest moment of his life was not on his wedding day.A week before the wedding, he left London to give a series of lectures at the Paris Academy of Sciences.After returning home, they married and exchanged vows, and that was the first time he saw Benny's blank and indifferent expression, which he later called a fortress.Until the Bishop of London announced that they were married, he had always had a great stone in his heart, lest she would abandon him and run away. No, the happiest moment of his life was when she proposed. He was fifteen when he saw her for the last time.Unexpectedly, when he saw her eight years later, it seemed as if there was no trace left during this period of time, and he was still fascinated by her, just like before. Even better than ever. She became more beautiful than she remembered.Cold and calm, capable and outstanding. He is also very good at the stage.London enshrines him as the elite of the Neo-Renaissance, illuminating the dawn of the new century.But he was afraid that he would become too frivolous, that he would become too frivolous, and that he would be despised by her noble soul. But at least she had come to hear him speak, at both the Mathematical Society and the Geographical Society.Both times she looked at him with such a solemn expression that he almost forgot his words because of his ecstasy. He fell in love with all his heart in the crisp suit she was wearing, how the coat and skirt matched so seriously.His female warriors, armored in stiff silk, stood up to the germs and diseases of London.He adored the pungent sweetness of carbolic acid in her hair, that great antiseptic favored by the medical profession, though he didn't often get close enough to sniff her.And her quietness, so demure, so confident, he admired, unlike other young ladies who were always chattering. At night, he tossed and turned in bed, thinking of her prim hat, her practical walking boots, the slightly taut buttons on her breast.Thinking of her lips that no one has ever kissed, her nipples that have never been licked, and her legs that have never been invaded. At that concert, his lust was finally unleashed.He kissed her, not once, but twice, and in a place where any guest might bump into him at any moment. He didn't know what to do next.Want to come and apologize?Come to the door but don't apologize.It was hard enough to get a house call because she was always at work and never home during the day. On that rainy London morning, it was cold and dreary, without any breath of spring, he paced back and forth in the study of his elder brother's house, feeling uneasy in his heart, and kept fingering the business card she gave him. Ms. Ebeni, Physician, Anesthesiologist and Senior Surgical Resident at New Women's Hospital, Lecturer at London Women's Medical College. There is a knock on the door.Sir, Miss Ai asked to see, said Jerry's steward. Which Miss Ai?Stupid question, only the eldest daughter will only announce the surname. He racked his brains to guess why she was visiting.Most likely to reprimand him.He was frivolous and scoldable, of course, but he wished desperately that she hadn't been angry.Perhaps she was about to give a speech and invited him to attend.However, this trivial matter can be resolved by sending a letter. He gave up and asked the steward to bring her in. she is so beautiful.Hair as black as a crow, skin as white as porcelain, with a natural rosy color on her cheeks.As long as he was with her, his heartbeat would speed up without authorization.He paid very keen attention to the small dimples on her upper lip, the plumpness and fullness of her lower lip, and the overall shape and tenderness of her mouth. They spent about a minute standing around and chatting.He asked her to sit down; she thanked her but did not sit down.He asked her if she would like tea, and she immediately declined. He made a serious face on purpose.You don't want to sit and don't want tea.So what do you want, Miss Ai. She cleared her throat.Well, I have a proposal you might want. Yeah?He couldn't guess what it would be, but he still smiled.At least she wasn't mad at him.Speak, I am listening. She began to spout an analysis of their finances, resources, and temperaments.It took him about three minutes to realize that she was dissecting the merits of their marriage.She believes that the differences in personality between the two can complement each other, and her quietness can better set off his liveliness.Their schedules fit together better, since he must have had a lot of work time, and he could do his research while she was at the hospital.She would bring with her a generous dowry, including Pinewood Manor, her birth mother's dowry, which was entered into the marriage contract by Mrs. Eyre's first descendant, and was therefore now her property. He froze, and it took him a while to realize that she had finished speaking. You must be frightened by me, right?she whispered. Yes, a little bit, he said slowly. She finally sat down and chose the Louis XV armchair in front of the fireplace.Hope it's not too serious. Not too serious. So, are you willing to consider it? This is indeed something he can seriously consider.Marriage, however, seemed to him a distant glimmer.He wouldn't be twenty-four in three weeks, and he thought it would take them a year or two to get to know each other properly. I will consider it very seriously.You know, I have a lot of respect for you. She bit her lower lip.Then there's one more thing you have to consider too, I'm probably infertile. He was taken aback.Are you sure? Very unfortunate.She looked away from him.do you like kids like.He really likes it very much.He always dotes on his niece and daughter-in-law whenever he has the opportunity. Her eyes dimmed.Well, maybe you'd better say no now.Otherwise it would be a hard job. How ironic, the thing he most longed for was sent to him, but at the same time, he was presented with an extremely cruel choice for a man.Can you give me a moment to think about it? She smiled feebly.certainly. He took her to the street, the carriage was waiting by the side of the road, and he helped her into the carriage.She sat down on the soft cushion and stuffed a strand of hair that slipped out of the bun behind her ear.Perhaps it was because of the rainy weather, or maybe it was because of the bleak and unwarming spring in England, she looked sad and lonely. The light rain that had been intermittent throughout the morning suddenly intensified. He was not wearing a hat, and the cold rain fell directly on his head.At this moment, he had an epiphany. He belongs to her. He had been in love with her since he was only half a child.Sure, kids are cute, but not indispensable.She is indispensable.She was alone all her life.He will make it so that she is never alone again. Alas, it's actually not bad.He smiled at his sweetheart.Marrying you shouldn't be too hard a job. Maybe she survived their marriage by saying goodbye, but he didn't. His life was wonderful back then.He is widely acclaimed as the greatest mathematical wizard of the century.Several magazines begged him for permission to publish the travel notes he wrote while traveling with his godfather Sir Rob.Even the stage play was well-received and well-received. It took him only one week to write the script, just because he wanted to challenge the limits of humor and banter without being condemned by the society. In the script, he described three Cambridge students who bet on love , it is said that the play was very popular, and was often staged at banquets, salons, and gatherings of young men and women, as a way to flirt with innocent-looking puns under the watchful eye of the guardian. At the time of the wedding, he was in full bloom, a young hero who was favored by the world.That wedding was the beginning of the end. Oh, she let him have her, but with the attitude of a slave who endures the ravages of an evil master.She was clenching her teeth, and there was such a miserable whine in her throat that he even suspected that she would rush to the bathroom as soon as he left. Every time he tried to get close, he was always rejected.She rejects his touch, his advances, his body.him.He talked and laughed happily in countless banquets, but he carried such a huge and shameful secret in his heart. When he married he was full of ambition, determined not to let her taste alone again.In the end, she made him just like her, alone in the world.