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Chapter 44 Chapter Fourteen What A Girl Thinks

red and black 司湯達 3772Words 2023-02-05
Mathilde's letter was by no means without struggle.Whatever her initial interest in Lian was, it soon overcame her pride, which had dominated her for as long as she could remember.For the first time this proud and cold heart was engulfed by passionate feelings.But, though this ardor subdues pride, it remains true to its habits.Two months of struggle and new feelings can be said to have completely changed her mentally. Mathilde thought she saw happiness.To see that happiness is a thing of all-powerful power to the mind of courage as well as of great intellect, is yet a long struggle with dignity and with all sense of worldly responsibility.One day she came into her mother's room at seven o'clock in the morning, and begged her to let her hide in Virquier.The Marchioness didn't even bother to talk to her, and advised her to go back to bed.It was the last effort of worldly wisdom and respect for traditional ideas.

Fear of doing wrong things, fear of colliding with the sacred concepts of Kailuses, Lutzes, and Croizenois, this does not have much pressure on her spirit, she feels that people like them are not worthy of understanding her, If buying a car or a piece of land, she would have gone to them to discuss it.What she was really afraid of was that Julien was dissatisfied with her. Perhaps he too has only the appearance of an exceptional human being? She loathes the lack of character, which is her only complaint against the pretty young men around her.The more suavely they laughed at things that were out of fashion or thought to be in fashion but weren't right, the more they made her look down on her.

They are brave, that's all.Besides, how can you be brave?Courage in a duel, she said to herself.But now the duel was nothing more than a ritual.I knew everything in advance, even when I fell down, I knew in advance that I should have nothing to say.Lying straight on the grass, with your hands on your breast, you should forgive generously, and leave a word for a beautiful woman, who is often imaginary, or who died after your death for fear of arousing suspicion. I went to the dance that day.They may face danger head-on with a squadron of shining cavalry, but what about the special, unexpected, really ugly danger that they face alone?

well!Mathilde said to herself that in the court of Henry III, you can meet people who are great because of birth, and you can also meet people who are great because of character!ah!If Julien had played at Jarnac or Montcontur, I would have no doubts.In that age of energy and physical strength, the French were no dolls.The days of war are almost the days of least confusion. Their life is not like an Egyptian mummy, imprisoned in a set that everyone is the same and will always be the same.Yes, she added, at eleven o'clock in the evening, alone out of Katrin.De.Soissons, where the Medici lived, required more real bravery than going to Algiers today.A person's life is a series of accidents.Now, civilization has driven out chance, and there are no more accidents.If it occurs in thought, it will give rise to endless wisecracks; if it occurs in events, we will do all kinds of meanness out of fear.No matter what crazy things fear drives us to do, we will be forgiven.Degenerate and wearisome century!Boniface.De.What would Larmor say if he raised his severed head from the grave and saw seventeen of his descendants captured like sheep in 1793 and guillotined two days later?Death is certain, but to kill at least one or two Jacobins in self-defense would be indecent.ah!In the heroic age of France, Julien would have been a captain of cavalry, and my brother would have been a well-behaved young priest, with a spark of wisdom in his eye and a mouthful of good reason.

A few months earlier, Mathilde had not expected to meet someone even slightly different.She had had a little fun writing boldly to a few young men of good society.Such unseemly and imprudent audacity in a girl may have been in De.Mr. Croixennoy, her grandfather de.In the eyes of the Duke of Shawna and the people of the whole Shawna House, her reputation was damaged. When they saw that the proposed marriage fell through, they must want to know why.At that time, Mathilde couldn't sleep when it came time to write letters.However, those letters were replies. This time, she dared to say that she was in love.She volunteered (what a terrible word!) to write to a man at the bottom of society.

If this matter were discovered, it would be an eternal shame.Which of the women who came to her mother dared to defend her?What words could they say to soften the blow of the terrible contempt in the drawing room? Talking about it is terrible, let alone writing it?Napoleon heard the news of Beran's surrender and said loudly: "There is something wrong with writing on paper!"And that was what Julien had told her!It was as if she had been given a warning beforehand. But all this is nothing, Mathilde's anxiety has other reasons.She forgot the bad influence she had on society, and made herself stained with contempt that could never be washed away, because she had dishonored her family and given a man who was essentially the same as the Croizenois, the Lutz, and the others. , Kailus and others who are completely different write letters.

Even in ordinary communication with Julien, the depth and unknowability of his character can be frightening.And she wanted him to be her lover, maybe her master! Once he can do whatever he wants with me, what kind of attempts will he not have?Oh well!I say to myself like Medea: In the midst of so many dangers, I still have me. She thought that Julien had no respect for the nobility of blood.What's more, maybe he doesn't have the slightest love for her. It was in these last moments, full of terrible doubts, that thoughts arose from female pride, that in the fate of a girl like mine, everything should be unique.cried Mathilde, impatiently.And so the pride and morality that she had been encouraged from childhood wrestled.At this moment, Julien's departure brought a sudden turn for the worse.

It was late at night, and Julien had an idea, and sent a heavy trunk downstairs to the porter; he called for an errand servant to take it away.This person is pursuing virtue.Miss Lamour's personal maid.This trick may not have any effect, Julien thought, but if it succeeds, she will think that I have gone.He made the joke and fell asleep happily.Mathilde never closed her eyes all night. Early the next morning Julien slipped out of the mansion while no one was watching.But before eight o'clock, he was back again. He has just arrived in the library, de.Miss Lamour appeared at the door.He gave her the reply.He thought he should speak to her, at least it would be the most convenient, but de.Miss Lamour did not want to hear it, and left.Julien was very happy, but he did not know what to say to her.

If all this was not a joke in collusion with Count Nobel, it was evident that my most relentless gaze had ignited the strange love that this girl of so high birth dared to feel for me.I'd be a little foolish if I even took an interest in this big blond doll.Thinking of this, he became calmer and more calculating than before. In this battle that was brewing, he thought again, the pride of birth stood like a high ground between her and me.The battle is over there.I made a great mistake in staying in Paris; if it were all a joke, my delay would expose me to contempt and danger.What's the danger in leaving?If they laugh at me, my walk is still a mockery of them.If her interest in me had been somewhat genuine, it would have been multiplied a hundredfold by my leaving.

De.Julien's vanity was so gratified by Mademoiselle Lamour's letter that he forgot to seriously consider the advantages of leaving. Extremely sensitive to mistakes, this is the fatal part of his character.He was so annoyed by the mistake that he could hardly think of the incredible victory that preceded this small setback.About nine o'clock, De.Miss Lamour came to the door, threw him a letter, and turned away. Looks like it's going to be an epistolary novel, he said, picking up the letter, the enemy feints, and I'll respond with indifference and morality. He was asked to give a decisive answer, and the haughty tone of his voice added to his inner happiness.He wrote a couple of pages on the spur of the moment, fooling anyone who wanted to see his jokes, and at the end of the letter he added another joke, saying that he had decided to leave next morning.

The letter is written, and the garden will be the place to deliver it, he thought, and went at once.He looked at De.The window of Miss Lamour's bedroom. The bedroom was on the second floor, next to her mother's room, but there was a large mezzanine between the first and second floors. The second floor was too high, and Julien walked up and down under the oak tree with the letter in his hand.He was not visible from Miss Larmor's window.The oak is so well trimmed that it forms a vault and blocks the view, what the hell!Julien said to himself angrily, another mistake!If they want to laugh at me, I'll do my enemies a favor by letting me hold the letter in full view. Nobel's bedroom was directly above his sister's, and if Julien stepped out of the vault formed by the pruned oak, the count and his friends could see every movement of him. De.Miss Lamour appeared behind the glass; he half-revealed his letter, and she nodded.Julien immediately ran upstairs to his room, and on the stairs happened to meet the beautiful Mathilde, who graciously took the letter with a smile in her eyes. Poor De.Madame Rainer, Julien said to himself, should have dared to accept a letter from me after six months of intimacy!I believe that she has never looked at me with such a smile in her eyes. The rest of his response is less clear, is he ashamed of the boredom of the motive?But, he went on thinking, how different is the elegance of the morning dress, the elegance of the manner!Thirty paces away a man of good taste saw deMiss Lamour could guess her place in society.This is what could be called a self-evident advantage. Julien joked, but still did not express all his thoughts;Mrs. Rainer has no de.The Marquis of Croixennoy can die for him, and his only rival in love is that vile prefect of the prefecture, Monsieur Charcot, who used de.The surname of Mo Jilong is because the surname is De.The people of Morgiron are now extinct. At five o'clock Julien received a third letter, thrown in through the library door.De.Miss Lamour still ran away in a hurry, I am really addicted to writing!He smiled and said, in fact, it is very convenient to talk about it!It is obvious that the enemy wants my letters, and several of them!He was not in a hurry to open this one, there were some beautiful sentences again, he thought, but as he read, his face turned pale.The letter has only eight lines. I need to talk to you, and I must to-night; come to the garden when the clock strikes one in the middle of the night.Bring the gardener's ladder, right by the well; hang it over my window, and climb into my house.It's okay to have moonlight.
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