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Chapter 48 Chapter 18 Cruel Moment

red and black 司湯達 3314Words 2023-02-05
Mathilde was intoxicated, thinking only of the happiness of being almost killed by her lover.She even said to herself: He deserves to be my master, since he almost killed me.How many high-society pretty youths would it take to melt together to get such a passionate act? It must be confessed how handsome he was when he mounted the chair and replaced the sword exactly in the fancy place the upholsterer had given it!After all, it wasn't so absurd that I fell in love with him. At this moment, if there was any decent way of getting back together, she would happily cling to it.Shut up in his room, locked up twice, Julien was languishing in the most intense despair.All sorts of crazy thoughts were running through his head, and he thought of throwing himself at her feet.Had he, instead of hiding himself in a remote place, wandered about the garden and the palace, he might have transformed his terrible misfortune into the strongest happiness in an instant.

We blame him for not being smart enough, but if he had been smart, he would not have had the feat of drawing the sword, which is exactly what makes him at this moment in De.Miss Larmor's eyes became so beautiful.This capricious infatuation for Lien lasted all day; Mathilde imagined the fleeting moments in which she loved him charmingly, and regretted losing them. In fact, she said to herself, my enthusiasm for the poor boy seemed to him to last only from the time I saw him climbing the ladder at one o'clock in the middle of the night with the gun in his pocket until eight o'clock in the morning.It was not until a quarter of an hour later, when I was listening to Mass at Saint-Valaire, that I began to think that he thought he was my master, and that he might force me to obey by means of terror.

After dinner, De.Instead of avoiding Julien, Mademoiselle Lamour spoke to him, almost urging him to follow her into the garden; he obeyed.After all, he had never been tested like this.Before she knew it, Mathilde gave in and fell in love with him again.She walked beside him with great pleasure, looking curiously at the hands that had held the sword that morning to kill her. After that move, after all that happened, the conversation they used to have would never happen again. Gradually, Mathilde talked to him intimately and talked about her emotional journey.She found a strange pleasure in such conversations, and she even told him about her feelings for De.Mr. Croixennoy, De.The fleeting impulses of enthusiasm that Monsieur Kailus had

how!To Germany.Monsieur Kailus had it too!Julien cried out, bursting out in those words all the anguish and jealousy of a neglected lover.Mathilde noticed it, but she wasn't angry at all. She continued to torment Julien, narrating her old love affairs in detail, so vividly, so confidingly and sincerely, that he could see that she was describing events that were as vivid as they were before him.He noticed with pain that as she spoke, she made new discoveries within herself. Unhappiness born of jealousy cannot be greater. To suspect that a rival is still loved is cruel enough; to listen to the woman he loves exhaustively confess the love his rival evokes is surely the pinnacle of pain.

Oh, how severely punished at this moment were those proud impulses which drove Julien to think he was superior to the Kailuses and Croizenoys!With what deep and real pain does he exaggerate their slightest advantages!With what fervent sincerity did he despise himself! He felt that Matilcia was worthy of admiration, and no words could express his extreme admiration for her.He walked beside her, looking furtively at her hands, her arms, her queenly posture.Overwhelmed by love and misfortune, he would fall at her feet and cry: Have mercy on me!This woman, so beautiful and so lofty, once loved me, but it was deMonsieur Kailus!

Julien could not doubt De.The sincerity of Miss Lamour, the tone of truth was too evident in all that she said.In order to make his misfortune absolutely complete, she sometimes thought of what she had done to D.M. de Caylus had a feeling which he talked about as if he still loved him at the moment.There was definitely love in her tone, Julien saw it clearly. Even if his chest was filled with molten lead, he would not suffer so much.How could the poor chap, who was in such agony as he could possibly have guessed, that it was because of talking to him that de.Miss Lamour recalled with so much pleasure what she had said to De.Mr. Kailus or de.The little fruitless love that M. Lutz once had?

Nothing could express Julien's agony.On the same oak-lined lane a few days ago he had waited for one to strike and climbed into her house, and now he listened to the minutiae of another's love.One cannot bear more intense misfortunes than this. This brutal intimacy lasted eight full days.Opportunities for conversation, Mathilde sometimes seemed to be looking for, sometimes came but did not avoid; the topic they both returned to frequently, as if with a cruel pleasure, was the recounting of what she had said to others. Feelings.She talked to him about the letters she had written, down to the words and sentences in the letters, and even recited the whole sentence.During the last few days she seemed to be gazing at Julien with a malicious pleasure.His pain was her intense pleasure.

It can be seen that Julien has no life experience, and has not even read novels; if he is not so stupid, if he can calmly say to the girl whom he admires so much and who has said such strange intimate words to him: Admit Well, I am not as good as those gentlemen, but you love me. Perhaps she will be happy to be guessed, at least the success will depend entirely on the grace with which Julien expresses the idea and the timing he chooses.In any case, he could advantageously get out of a situation that was about to become tedious in Mathilde's eyes. You no longer love me, but I adore you!One day Julien, bewildered by love and misfortune, said to her.It was about the biggest folly he could do.

De.All the pleasure Miss Lamour had derived from speaking to him of her love story was destroyed in an instant by this sentence.She began to wonder that, after all that had happened, he hadn't gotten mad at her account, and just before he said that cliché, she had even imagined that he didn't love her anymore.Pride had no doubt killed his love, she told herself; he was not the sort to see himself put in vain by Kailus, deLutz, Croixenoy, although he admitted that their status was much higher than his.No, I shall not see him crouching at my feet again! In the past few days, Julien was so distressed that he often sincerely praised the outstanding qualities of those gentlemen in front of her, even exaggerating.This subtle change did not escape De.Miss Lamour's eyes, she was surprised, but could not at all guess why.Julien's feverish soul was sharing in his happiness while extolling a rival whom he believed was still loved.

His words were so frank and stupid that they changed everything in an instant: Mathilde, convinced that she was loved, despised him utterly. She was walking with him, and at the moment of these stupid words she left him with the most terrible contempt in her eyes.Back in the living room, she didn't look at him all night.The next day her heart was still filled with this contempt; the impulse which had given her so much pleasure for eight days in having Julien as her closest friend was gone; unhappy.Mathilde's feelings changed to disgust.The contempt she felt when she saw him was too great to describe.

Julien was ignorant of the changes in Mathilde's heart in the past eight days, but he could discern contempt.He is very knowledgeable, showing his face as little as possible in front of her, and never looking at her. He had, so to speak, voluntarily given up the chance of seeing her, but not without a mortal pain.He believed that feeling his pain was deepening, a man's courage could not bear more.he said to himself.He passed the time at a small window on the top floor of the mansion, the shutters carefully drawn, at least, de.When Miss Rainer came into the garden he could see her from there. After dinner, he saw her and De.Kailus, De.What would happen to Monsieur Lutz, or some gentleman whom she admitted to having a passion for, for a walk? Julien did not expect his misfortune to be so strong that he was on the verge of yelling that such a strong heart was finally turned upside down. Anything with virtue.The notion of Miss Lamour, which had nothing to do with it, seemed to him ugly; he could not write even the simplest letter. You are crazy.said the Marquis to him. Julien was afraid of being found out, so he reasoned that he was ill, which actually convinced the Marquis.As luck would have it for him, the Marquis joked at dinner about his upcoming trip.Mathilde knew that the trip could be a long one.Julien had been avoiding her for several days, and the young men, so fine as they were, had everything that the pale and sullen man she had loved lacked, and they were powerless to drag her out of her dream. An ordinary girl, she said to herself, would look for her among these young men who attracted the attention of the drawing-room; but one of the marks of genius is not to allow her mind to follow the path of common men. Julien just has no property, but I have, and as the companion of a man like him, I will continue to be noticed, and I will never disappear into obscurity in life.I am not like my cousins, who are always afraid of revolution, who are afraid of the people, and dare not reprimand the coachman who cannot drive, but I will definitely play a role, a great role, because the man I choose has character, Ambitious.What is he missing?friend?money?I give him.However, in her mind she regarded Julien more or less as a servant, and if she wanted him to love, let him love.
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