Chapter 14 Chapter Fourteen

The next day, Julia went to the Cartier store (Note: the French Cartier brand watch sales department.) to buy a watch, ready to give to Tom.Fennell, to make up for the one he had pawned, and two or three weeks later, when she learned that it was his birthday, she gave him another gold cigarette case. You know, this is exactly what I've wanted all my life. She wondered if there were tears in his eyes.He kisses her passionately. After that, she always gave him pearl breast buttons, cuff buttons and waistcoat buttons under different names.She was so excited to give him these presents. It's too bad I can't give you anything back, he said.

Give me that watch that you once pawned off to invite me to dinner. It was a little gold watch, not worth more than ten pounds, but she liked to wear it now and then. Julia did not confess her love for him until after she had dined with him for the first time that night.This shocked her.But she was full of joy. I always thought it was impossible for me to fall in love again in my life.Of course it won't last long.But why not have as much fun as possible? She decided that he must be brought back to Stanhope Square.Not long after, the opportunity came. You know that young accountant of yours, she said to Michael, his name was Tom.Fennall.I bumped into him one night out for dinner and I asked him to come to our dinner party the next Sunday.We need an impromptu male guest.

Oh, do you think he's close enough? This is a big party.That's why she invited him.She thought he would enjoy meeting people whom he had only seen in photographs before.She had already detected a bit of a snob in him.Well, that's the good thing, she can introduce him to all the fashionable people he wants to meet. It turned out that Julia had a keen mind, and she knew very well that Tom did not love her.Having an affair with her satisfied his vanity.He is a young man with a strong sexual desire, and he likes to have sex most.From what he confided and from what she had brought him out of the past, she found that he had had sex with many women since he was seventeen.He loves sex more than the person.He regards it as the greatest pleasure in the world.She also understood how he could be so tricky.His body was skinny, and because of this, his clothes fit so well, and there was something charming about his thinness, and there was something charming about his cleanliness.The blend of his shyness and his brazenness is irresistible.A woman is so honored to be treated like a wench that she simply rolls over on the bed.

Of course, all he has is sexiness. She knew that his beauty was due to his youth.As he grew older he would fade, shriveled, withered; the charming redness of his cheeks would turn purple, his delicate skin wrinkled and sallow; but the thought of her loving him could only remain so. In a short time, her tenderness was added.She felt a strange pity for him.He was full of youthful vigor, and she devoured it greedily, like a cat licking milk.But he's not an interesting guy.Though he laughed at Julia's funny words, he never said one himself.She didn't mind, his dullness reassured her.She had never felt more relaxed and happy than with him, and she was as lively as two.

People kept telling Julia that she looked ten years younger, and that she had never acted so well.She knew it was true, and she knew why.But she should proceed with caution.She must keep a clear head. Charles.Temery was always saying that what an actress needed was not intellect but sensitivity, and he was probably right; she might not be bright, but she was sensitive, and she trusted it.It seemed to her now that she must never tell Tom that she loved him.She was careful to show him that she didn't ask to be restrained and that he was free to do as he liked.She put on an attitude: this matter is nothing more than a child's play, and neither party should take it too seriously.In fact, however, she did everything in her power to bind him and make him hers.

He likes parties, and she takes him to each party.Her name is Dolly and Charles.Temery invited him to lunch.He liked to dance, and she got him invitations to balls.For his sake she had gone out in person, and for an hour she had sensed that he took pride in seeing people milling about her.Knowing that the dignitaries dazzled him, she introduced him to them. Fortunately, Michael has a good impression of him.Michael loves to talk, Tom loves to listen.He's very smart about business.One day Michael said to her: Tom is a nice guy.He is very familiar with income tax.I believe he taught me a way to save two or three hundred pounds on my next tax return.

Michael was on the lookout for new acting talent and often took him to the theater in London or the suburbs in the evenings; they always picked Julia up after her performances and the three of them had dinner together.Sometimes Michael asked Tom to play golf with him on Sundays, and after the game, if there was no party, he would take him home for dinner. It's fun to have a chap around, he said, who keeps people from rusting. Tom is a delight in the family.He used to play fifteen chess pieces with Michael (Note: Each side has fifteen pieces, and the dice are rolled in turns to determine the number of squares to determine the winner.), or play solitaire with Julia, when they played the gramophone He was always changing records there.

He was going to be a good friend of Roger's, Michael said, and Tom was in his head, and he was several years older than Roger.He should have a good influence on him.Why don't you invite him to come and vacation with us? (Fortunately, I'm a good actress.) But one needs to be careful not to show joy in her voice, or a face of ecstasy that makes her heart pound.That's a good idea of ​​yours, she replied, and I can have him if you like. Their play was to run through August, and Michael had rented a house in Taplow so they could spend the hot summer there.Julia had to play in the city, and Michael had to be in the city when business called for it, but she could be in the country during the day and on Sundays.Tom had a fortnight's vacation; he accepted the invitation with pleasure.

But one day Julia found him strangely silent.He was pale, and his cheerfulness was gone.She knew there was always something wrong, but he didn't tell her what; he just said he was terribly annoyed.At last she forced him to tell that he had borrowed money from some merchants, and now they were pressing him to pay it back.It turned out that the life circle she led him into made him unable to make ends meet, and when he went to a grand party with her, he was ashamed to wear his old cheap clothes, so he went to an expensive tailor to order some new clothes.He buys betting tickets, hoping to win enough money to pay off his debts, but his favorite horse is outcompeted by other horses.The amount he owed was a very small sum in Julia's eyes, only one hundred and twenty-five pounds, and she thought it absurd that a man should be bothered by such a trifle.She immediately offered that she would give him the money.

Oh, I can't take it.I can't take a woman's money. He blushed; he was ashamed to think of taking a woman's money.Julia exhausted all the sweet words.She reasoned with him, pretended to be angry, and even shed a few tears, and finally, thanks to his great kindness, agreed to borrow the money from her. The next day, she sent a letter, which contained two hundred pounds in notes.He called her and said she had sent far more money than he needed. Ah, I know people don't tell the truth about how much they owe, she laughed, and I'm sure you owe more than you say. I assure you, I am not lying.I especially won't lie to you.

Then save the extra for a rainy day.I don't want you to pay the bill when we go out to eat together.In addition, the taxi fare and so on are the same. No, seriously.This is so embarrassing. What nonsense!You know I have so much money I don't know what to do with it.I help you out of trouble and make me happy, don't you want to give me happiness? You are so kind.You have no idea how much sorrow you have relieved me of.I don't know how to thank you. But his voice was distressed.Poor little boy, he's so reserved.Still, her giving him money did give her a thrill she had never felt before; it aroused an astonishing enthusiasm. She had another device in mind, which she thought would be easily accomplished during Tom's visit to Taplow for a fortnight.Tom's bedroom-sitting-room in Tavistock Square had at first seemed to her to be rather cluttered and interesting, and the humble furniture had touched her sensibilities.Time, however, has robbed them of this beauty.Twice she passed people on the stairs and thought they were staring at her strangely.There was a scruffy housekeeper who tidied up Tom's room and prepared breakfast, and Julia had a feeling she must know about them, and was constantly spying on her.Once, when Julia was in the room, someone was trying to turn the lock, and when Julia went out to look, she saw the housekeeper dusting the banisters of the stairs.He gave Julia a wry look.Julia hated the smell of stale food that lingered around the stairs, and with her keen eyes, she soon saw that Tom's room was not very clean.Dirty curtains, worn carpets, crappy furniture, everything repelled her. It so happened that not long ago, Michael, who had been looking for a favorable investment target, bought a row of garages near Stanhope Square.He found that if he rented out what he didn't use, he could use it for himself without spending a penny.There are several rooms above the garage.He divided them into two small apartments, one for their coachman and the other for rent.The set was still available, and Julia suggested to Tom that he should take it.It would be as good as it gets.She could slip by to see him when he came back from the office, and stay for an hour; sometimes she could go around after the theater was over, and no one would know what they were up to.There they can be at ease.She told him how much fun it would be for them to furnish the suite together; she believed that he was doing them a great favor by keeping a lot of things they didn't use in the house.What else is needed, they will go to buy together. He was seduced by the idea of ​​owning a suite of his own, but he always thought it impossible; the rent was low, but he couldn't afford it.Julia knew this too.She also knew that if she offered to pay for her, he would angrily refuse.She thought, however, that during a fortnight of leisure and comfort by the river, she would be able to reassure him of his concerns.She saw how attractive the idea was to him, and she was sure she could contrive some way of convincing him that he was doing her a favor by agreeing to her proposal. People don't need a reason for what they want to do, she thought.What they need is an excuse. Julia looked forward with excitement to Tom's visit to Taplow.Rafting on the river with him in the morning, and sitting around in the garden with him in the afternoon, it's a lot of fun.With Roger at home, she made up her mind that nothing absurd would happen between her and Tom; decency was all that mattered.But she can get along with him almost all day, it will be better than being in heaven.He could play with Roger when she was doing a matinee. But things didn't develop as she expected.She never expected that Roger and Tom would hit it off and hit it off.There was a five-year age difference between them, she thought, or if she had thought of it, Tom would think of Roger as just a big boy, a very good boy, of course, but you could only treat him as a boy, for you Take things, move things, when you are not happy to chat with him, tell him to play by himself. Roger was seventeen.He was a good-looking boy, with reddish hair and blue eyes, but that was all you could say about him.He had neither the vigor and variety of expression of his mother nor the fine features of his father.Julia was somewhat disappointed in him.When he was a child, she often took photos with him, and he was very cute at that time.Now he was rather dull and serious.Seriously, if you look closely, the only good parts of him are his teeth and hair.Julia liked him very much, but always found him a little dull.Time passed slowly and dullly when she was alone with him.She showed great interest in what she thought would interest him, like cricket, but he never seemed to have much to say about it.She was afraid he might not be very bright. Of course he was still young, she said hopefully, and maybe he would get better when he grew up. She had seen him seldom since he started preparatory school.On holidays, she would play nights, and he would go out with his father or some boyfriend, and play golf with him on Sundays.If she lunched out, she often didn't see him for two or three days, except when he went to her room for a few minutes in the morning.It's a pity that he can't always be a beautiful and cute child who can play in her room without disturbing her, smile at the camera, put his arm around her neck, and take pictures together.She visited him occasionally at Eton and drank tea with him.She was delighted to have a few pictures of her in his room.She realized that when she went to Eton she caused something of a sensation, and that Mr. Brackenbridge, the master of the house where he lodged, was very hospitable to her. When the half-year ended, Michael and Julia had moved to Taplow, so Roger came directly there.Julia kissed him passionately.When he got home, he wasn't as excited as she'd expected.He looked a little nonchalant.He seemed to have grown very old all at once. He then told Julia that he wished to leave Eton at Christmas, thinking that he had learned all he could learn there, and that he was going to Vienna for a few months, learning German, and then going to Cambridge.Michael had wanted him to join the Army, but he firmly disagreed.He still doesn't know what kind of person he wants to be.Julia and Michael were worried from the beginning that he was going to be on the stage as an actor, but he clearly had no interest in it. He can't do anything anyway, Julia said. He lives his own life.He went to the river and lay around in the garden reading.On his seventeenth birthday, Julia had given him a very nice convertible car, and he drove it around the country at a dangerous speed. There's something reassuring about it, Julia said.He doesn't bother people.He seemed quite capable of entertaining himself. Every Sunday, they always invited a lot of people to spend their holidays, actors and actresses, an occasional writer, and some mutual friends of theirs.Julia found these parties very interesting, and she knew people liked to come.On the first Sunday after Roger came back, there was a huge crowd.Roger was courteous to his guests.As one of the hosts, he performed his duty of hospitality, much like a social man.But Julia always felt that he was indescribably cold, as if he were playing a part without giving himself up, and she felt uncomfortably that he did not accept all these people, but judged them coldly.She got the impression that he didn't take any of them seriously. Tom made an appointment to come next Saturday, and she drove him into the country after the theater.It was a moonlit night, and the road was empty at that hour.Driving a car is fascinating.Julia wished to be immersed in the scene forever.She cuddled against him, and he kissed her now and then in the dark. are you happyshe asked. Very happy. Michael and Roger were in bed, but supper was waiting for them in the dining room.The silence of the house made them feel as if they had come here uninvited.They were like two vagabonds who came out of the night into a strange house, and saw a rich meal laid out for them.How romantic is this.It's a bit like a story in "The Arabian Nights". Julia led him to his room, which was next to Roger's, and went to bed.The next morning, she woke up very late.It was a sunny day.In order to be alone with Tom, she had not invited other guests from the city.When she was dressed, they would go to the river to play together.She ate breakfast and took a bath.She wore a short white dress that suited the sunny riverside scene, and a red straw hat with a wide brim, which cast a warm sheen on her face.She wears light makeup.She looked at her reflection in the mirror and smiled with satisfaction that she looked very beautiful and young indeed.She went downstairs and walked slowly into the garden.There was a lawn in the garden that ran down to the river, and here she saw Michael with the Sunday papers spread out beside him.He is alone. I thought you were playing golf. No, the lads went.I want them to go alone so they can have more fun.He has his kind smile on.They are a bit too active for me.They had a bath at eight o'clock this morning, and as soon as they had breakfast they slipped away in Roger's car. I'm so glad they became friends. Julia spoke the truth.She was a little disappointed that she would not be able to go to the river with Tom, but she hoped that Roger liked him, because she felt that Roger did not like people indiscriminately; the good thing is that in the next two weeks, She was with Tom as much as she could. They made me feel like a damned middle-aged man, I'll tell you the truth.Michael said. Nonsense.You are prettier than any of them, and you know it well, my darling. Michael sticks out his jaw, retracts his stomach. The boys didn't return until lunch was almost ready. Sorry we got back so late, said Roger, the mess was so crowded we had to wait on almost every tee.We were even. They were hungry and thirsty, excited and proud. Nobody's here today, which is great, said Roger, and I was afraid you'd have a whole bunch of them, and we'd have to behave like little gentlemen again. I think it would be good to have a rest, Julia said. Roger glanced at her. Good for you, Mom.You look tired. (His damn eyes. No, I mustn't show that I'm not happy about what he said. Thank God I can act.) She gave a hearty laugh. I didn't sleep well all night thinking about what the hell we're going to do with your pimples. I know; those pimples aren't ugly as hell, are they?Tom said he had grown one before. Julia looked at Tom.He wore a tennis shirt with an open neckline, his hair was shaggy, his face was sunburnt, and he looked incredibly young.He did look no older than Roger. His nose was going to peel anyway, Roger went on with a chuckle, and he'd look good then. Julia felt a little uneasy.It seemed to her that Tom seemed to have shrunk in age, so that he was Roger's generation not only in age but in other respects.They talk nonsense.They gorged themselves on food and drank beer after mug after mug.Michael, who was eating soberly as usual, found it amusing to watch them.He admired their youth and their high spirits.He reminded Julia of an old dog lying in the sun, patting the ground with its tail, watching a pair of puppies bouncing around.They drink coffee on the grass.Julia sat there under the shade of the tree, looking at the water, and she was very happy.Tom was thin and dapper in his white trousers.She never saw him smoke a pipe.She found him strangely attractive in this way.But Roger was making fun of him, following his example. Do you smoke because it makes you feel manly, or because you like it? Shut up, said Tom. Have you finished your coffee? Finished. Come on, then, let's go to the river. Tom shot her a puzzled look.Roger saw it. Ah, never mind, you needn't worry about my venerable parents, they have the Sunday paper.Mom recently gave me a racing boat. (I've got to be patient. I've got to be patient. How could I be so stupid as to give him a racing boat?) Very well, she said, with a doting smile on her face, go to the river and don't fall. It won't drown us even if we fall.We will be back for tea.Is the tennis court lined up, Dad?After tea we are going to play tennis. I believe your father can find someone else so that you can play doubles. Oh, don't worry about it.Singles is actually more fun, and you can have more sports.Then he said to Tom: I'll race you to see who gets to the boat first. Tom sprang to his feet and galloped after Roger.Michael picked up a newspaper and looked for his glasses. They just happen to work together, don't they? Obviously yes. I was worried that Roger would be bored here alone with us.Now that someone is playing with him, that's fine for him. Don't you think Roger is too inconsiderate? Are you talking about playing tennis?Oh my dear, it doesn't matter if I fight or not.It is only natural for two children to play together.From their point of view, I was an old man, and they thought I was going to spoil their game.At the end of the day, the most important thing is that they should have a good time. Julia felt deeply guilty.Although Michael is not funny, too stingy, and smug, but what a rare kindness, how precious selflessness he is!He has no jealousy.He always found it a real pleasure to make other people happy, as long as it cost nothing.She knew his mind like the back of her hand.It is true that his mind has always been mediocre, but on the other hand he has absolutely no shameful thoughts.It was annoying that he was so worthy of her admiration that she should be bored to death by him. I think you are much better as a man than I am as a woman, my dear.she says. He smiled at her kindly and kindly, and shook his head slightly. No, dear, I used to have great looks, and you have genius. Julia giggled.You can get quite a bit of fun out of a guy who can never understand what you're saying.But when people say that an actress is a genius, what do they mean?Julia often asked herself what it was that finally raised her above her contemporaries.She had been belittled before.There was a time when she was compared with this or that actress who was then in fashion and said she was inferior to them, but now no one disputes her excellence. It is true that she did not have the world reputation of a movie star; she had been on the screen, tried her luck, and failed; She couldn't show it, so after trying once with Michael's permission, she refused to accept the invitations that people came to her from time to time.Her dignified attitude produces effective advertising among the public.Yet Julia was not jealous of movie stars; they came and went, and she remained. When she had the opportunity, she went to see the actresses who played the leading roles on the London stage.She loves to compliment them, and her compliments are sincere.Sometimes in her heart she thought they were really good and wondered why people made such a fuss about her alone.She's smart enough to know what the public thinks of her, but she doesn't think too highly of herself.Often her performances are completely natural, and it is impossible to imagine that there may be another way of acting, but people seem to be madly applauding, which always surprises her.Critics praised her rich and varied acting skills.They especially praise her for being good at getting into character. She didn't realize that she had been observing all kinds of people carefully, but when she started to study a new character, all kinds of vague memories came to her mind out of nowhere, and she found that she knew the character of the character she was going to play. Various situations, and she had no vague idea of ​​this before.It helps her to think of someone she knew, or just met on the street or at a party; she combines these memories with her own personality, thus creating , a character fleshed out by her knowledge of technique and stunning appeal.People think that she only performs during the two or three hours on the stage, but they don't know that when she is concentrating on talking to people or doing something, the character she plays always exists in her heart.She often felt that she was two people, the shadow of the actress, the popular celebrity, the most fashionable woman in London, and the reality of the woman she played on the stage at night. What a genius, I'd be damned if I knew, she thought.But I do know one thing: I am willing to abandon everything, just to return to the age of eighteen. Yet she knew it wasn't true.If it was possible for her to go backwards again, would she want it?No.Not really.What she cares about is not being popular or you like to say famous or mastering her audience, not their sincere admiration for her, and certainly not the money she can get for it; Her strength is her ability to master her role as a medium.She can get into a role, maybe not a very good one, and her lines are boring, but with her personality, with her ready-made smarts, she can breathe life into a character.Her ability to handle characters is unmatched by anyone.Sometimes she feels like a god. Besides, she laughed to herself, Tom wasn't born when I was eighteen. After all it was only natural that he liked to play with Roger.They are of the same generation.Today was the first day of his holiday, and she must let him enjoy himself; there were still two whole weeks to go.He'd get bored of being around a seventeen-year-old all day long.Roger was lovely, but he was dull; she couldn't be blinded by motherly love.She had to be very careful not to show the slightest distress.She had made it her point from the start that she should never ask anything of Tom; if he felt indebted to her, it would be too bad. Michael, why don't you rent the room above the garage to Tom?Now that he had passed his exams and became a CPA, he could no longer live in a one-bedroom-living room. Not a bad idea.I went to ask him. This saves you the cost of a rental agent.We can arrange it for him.We have a lot of old furniture lying around.Rather than let them rot in the attic, let him use them. Tom and Roger came back after a good tea, and played tennis till dark.After dinner, they play dominoes.Julia is brilliant as a not-too-old mother who delights in watching her son play poker with his boyfriend.She went to bed early.After a while, they all went upstairs too.Their room was just above hers.She heard Roger go into Tom's room.They talked, her window and theirs were open, and she could hear their lively conversation.She was annoyed that they had so much to talk about.She had always thought that neither of them was very talkative.After a while, Michael's voice interrupted them. Hey, you two children, go to sleep.You can talk about it tomorrow. She heard their laughter. Well, Dad, Roger said aloud. A pair of goddam bitches, you really are. She heard Roger's voice again. Well, good night, old man. Tom also replied enthusiastically: See you tomorrow, old friend. Two idiots!she thought sullenly. The next morning, while Julia was having breakfast, Michael came into her room. The lads went to Huntcombe to play golf.They had two innings to play, so they asked if they had to come back for lunch.I said to them, they are coming. I don't like how Tom treats our house like a restaurant. Well, my dear, they are but two little children.Let them have as much fun as possible. She would not see Tom all that day, for she must start for London between five and six o'clock in order to get to the theater in time.Michael could of course let them do what they wanted in good spirits.She was heartbroken.She almost cried.He must not be thinking of her at all, and it was Tom she was thinking of now; she had made up her mind to make this day different from the day before.As soon as she woke up, she made up her mind to tolerate and obey the development of the matter, but she did not expect to receive such a slap in the face. Is the newspaper here?she asked sullenly. Filled with rage, she drove to the city. The next day is not much better.The lads didn't go out and play golf, but they played tennis.Their endless activities made Julia extremely angry. Tom wore shorts, bare legs, and a football shirt, and looked no older than sixteen.They had showers three or four times a day, so it was impossible for him to keep his hair flat, and when it dried it was a mess of curls.It made him look younger, but how charming.Julia felt sad.She felt that his demeanor had changed somehow; with Roger, he had ceased to be the well-dressed society Tom he had been, and had become a scruffy schoolboy again. She never said it in words, not even in her eyes, that he was her lover; he treated her as if he were only Roger's mother.Everything he said, whether mischievous or polite, made her feel that she belonged to an older generation.There was nothing in his demeanor of a young man's courtship to a charming woman; he had the forgiving graciousness of an unmarried aunt. Julia resented Tom for sacrificing himself around a much younger child.This shows his lack of will.But she didn't blame him; she blamed Roger.Roger's selfishness disgusted her.Of course it can be said that he is still young.But he cared only for himself, and disregarded the happiness of others, showing his base nature.He doesn't know how to behave, and he doesn't think about others.He acted as if this house, these servants, his parents, existed solely for his convenience.She wanted to reprimand him many times, but she never dared to play the role of a scolding mother in front of Tom.And when you scolded Roger, he looked terribly hurt, like a doe that's been attacked, and it was maddening, and it made you feel both unkind and unjust.She also has this expression, which is a look he inherited from her; she uses it often on stage, and the effect is very moving. When she saw this look, it shocked her.At this moment, when she thought of this, her heart softened towards him.But this sudden change of feeling told her a fact: she was jealous of Roger, crazily jealous.The realization shocked her somewhat; she didn't know whether to laugh or be ashamed.She thought for a moment. Hmph, I want to dismantle his desk. She wasn't going to make next Sunday like the last.Thank God Tom is a snob.Women charm men and indulge their vices to master them, she murmured, wondering whether she had invented the admonition herself or remembered it from some play she had acted in the past. She ordered a few phone calls.She had the Den Norents over for the weekend.Charles.Tamerley is staying at Henley (Note: Henley on the Thames, which is a borough in Oxfordshire, west of London; here refers to the residence of the following Chancellor of the Exchequer there. Tamerley is a guest there .), he accepted the invitation to visit on Sunday and will bring his host Mayhew.Sir Bryanston, Chancellor of the Exchequer.To make him and the Dennorents happy because she knows that upper class people don't like to meet each other in what they consider to be bohemian circles, but like to meet all kinds of artists she specially invites to partner with her Archie as the leading actor.Dexter and his beautiful wife, who goes by her maiden name Grace.Hardwell. She was convinced that with a marquess and his wife hovering around and an impressive cabinet of ministers, Tom wouldn't be out playing golf with Roger or rowing all afternoon.At such a party Roger would be helpless in his studentship, ignored, and Tom would watch her in all her splendor.She gritted her teeth and endured the days leading up to her expected victory.She rarely saw Roger and Tom.在有日場演出的日子，她根本見不到他們的面。他們如果不玩什麼體育遊戲，就開著羅傑的汽車在鄉野間亂兜。 朱莉婭在演完戲後開車接丹諾倫特夫婦下鄉。羅傑已經上床睡了，但邁克爾和湯姆還在等候他們來共進晚餐。這是一頓很好的晚餐。僕人們也都睡覺去了，他們就自己動手。朱莉婭看著湯姆羞怯而熱切地讓丹諾倫特夫婦得到所需要的一切，看他遇到有效勞的機會，連忙一躍而起的殷勤樣子。他客氣得有點過分了。 丹諾倫特夫婦是一對不擺架子的年輕貴族，他們從來沒想到過他們的爵位會給人什麼了不起的印象，所以當湯姆給喬治．丹諾倫特拿走用髒的盤子並遞給他一隻碟子讓他自己夾下一道菜時，喬治有些侷促不安了。 明天羅傑不會打高爾夫球了吧，我想，朱莉婭心裡說。 他們坐著談談笑笑直到凌晨三點，當湯姆對她道晚安的時候，他兩隻眼睛閃閃發亮；但這是由於愛情呢，還是由於香檳酒呢，她卻不得而知。他緊緊握了一把她的手。 好一個快活的聚會啊，他說。 朱莉婭穿著一件蟬翼紗的衣裳，顯得特別漂亮，下樓走進花園時，時間已經不早了。她看見羅傑手裡拿著一本書，靠在一張長椅上。 在看書嗎？她問，揚起她那實在俏麗的眉毛。你幹嘛不去打高爾夫球？ 羅傑顯出一點愁眉苦臉的樣子。 湯姆說天太熱了。 oh?她動人地微微一笑。我還當你以為應該留下招待我的客人哩。今天要有很多人來，我們很容易招呼過來，不用你幫忙。其餘的人都到哪兒去了？ I don't know.湯姆正忙著在侍候塞西莉．丹諾倫特呢。 她很漂亮，你知道。 我看今天真要煩死人哩。 我希望湯姆不要嫌煩，她說，彷彿非常關心似地。 羅傑保持著沉默。 這一天是完全像她所希望的那樣度過的。果然她沒有多少機會看到湯姆，但羅傑更少看到他。湯姆在丹諾倫特夫婦跟前大受歡迎；他向他們解釋如何能免繳他們繳得那麼多的所得稅。他畢恭畢敬地聽財政大臣談論舞臺藝術，聽阿爾奇．德克斯特發表他關於政治形勢的高見。朱莉婭正處在她的最佳狀態。阿爾奇．德克斯特富有機智，肚子裡有大批戲劇界的軼事，又能講得出神入化；他們兩人在整個午餐時間使座上賓客嘩笑不止。喝過下午茶後，打網球的人們打得疲倦了，他們定要朱莉婭（其實也不甚違反她的意願）模仿格拉迪斯．庫珀、康斯坦斯．科利爾和格蒂．勞倫斯（註：這三人是當時英國著名的舞臺女演員。）的表演。 然而朱莉婭並沒有忘記查爾斯．泰默利是她的忠誠而沒有得到報答的情人，便特意單獨和他在傍晚時分散了一會步。和他在一起的時候，她盡量既不嘻嘻哈哈，也不顯示才華，而是含情脈脈，若有所思。雖然白天她表演得精采絕倫，她卻感到心痛；她幾乎一片真心地又是嘆息、又是愁眉苦臉、又用斷斷續續的話使他了解她的生活是空虛的，縱然她的藝術生涯享有長久不衰的成功，她不能不感到失掉了什麼。有時候她想到那不勒斯灣的索倫多的別墅。一個美妙的夢。也許幸福正擺在她的面前，只要她開口要；而她卻做了傻瓜；歸根結蒂，舞臺上的輝煌成就無非全是一場空。丑角們（註：指義大利作曲家列昂卡伐羅所作二幕歌劇《丑角們》中的巡迴演出劇團的那些男角。）永遠不會理解那部歌劇是多麼真實；Vesti la giubba（註）那一套。她孤單寂寞得要命。當然沒有必要去告訴查爾斯，說她的心痛不是因為失去的機會，而是因為一個小夥子似乎寧願和她兒子打高爾夫球，而不和她作愛。 （註）Vesti la giubba，義大利語，意謂把戲演下去，是歌劇《丑角們》第一幕末主人公卡尼奧所唱的詠歎調。卡尼奧為該劇團的團主，因其妻愛上一農村青年而妒火中燒，追問其妻，並拔刀威脅，但這時戲即將開演，才強忍登臺，登臺前唱這段詠歎調《把戲演下去》。那臺戲的情節正巧和他的遭遇相同，他真假難分，竟在臺上拔刀把扮演女主角的他妻子殺死。朱莉婭想到自己也必須把戲演下去。 但是後來朱莉婭和阿爾奇．德克斯特搭起檔來了。晚餐後，他們正全都坐在客廳裡，他們兩人沒有事先給大家打招呼，就開始隨便交談著，突然像一對情人般爆發起一場爭風吃醋的吵架。一時間在場的人不曉得他們是在開玩笑，直到他們相互的指責越來越激烈，越來越不像話，才恍然大悟，笑得肚皮都痛了。接著他們即興表演一個喝醉了酒的上等人在傑明街上勾搭一名法國妓女的場面。在這之後，那人數不多的觀眾正哄堂大笑之際，他們又嚴肅認真地演出了。《群鬼》中阿爾文太太企圖勾引曼德斯牧師的那場戲。最後，他們為了取得特別優異的效果，演出了他們過去在戲劇界聚會上經常演出的節目。這是一出用英語演出的契訶夫的劇本，可是演到情緒激動處，那音調一變而聽來竟完全像是在講俄語了。朱莉婭發揮了她演悲劇的全部稟賦，但又加以鬧劇化的強調，所以演出的效果是妙趣橫生。她把自己心裡真正的苦痛傾注在戲裡，而又以生動的詼諧感予以嘲弄。觀眾們在座位上前仰後合，捧肚大笑；終於笑得哼哧哼哧地呻吟起來。或許朱莉婭從來沒有演得這樣精采過。她是在演給湯姆看，演給他一個人看。 我看見了伯恩哈特和雷耶納（註：法國女演員。），財政大臣說，我看見了杜絲和愛倫．泰利和肯德爾夫人。Nunc Dimittis（註）。 （註）Nunc Dimittis，拉丁語，意謂容我去世。According to the Bible.路加福音》第二章第二十五到三十節，西面得了聖靈的啟示，知道自己在未死以前，必將看見上帝所立的基督，後來在聖殿中看見耶穌的父母抱著孩子進來，便用手接過來，稱頌上帝說，主阿，如今可以照你的話，釋放僕人安然去世。因為我的眼睛已經看見你的救恩，財務大臣此處引用的是天主教欽定的拉丁文《聖經》，表示在朱莉婭的表演中看到了許多著名女演員，大飽眼福，死而無憾。 朱莉婭滿面春風，身子仰後靠在椅子裡，一口喝乾了一玻璃杯香檳。 我要是沒有拆羅傑的臺，我把頭砍下來，她想。 然而，儘管如此，第二天早晨她下樓來時，這兩個孩子已經又出去打高爾夫球了。邁克爾送丹諾倫特夫婦到倫敦去了。朱莉婭很疲倦。當湯姆和羅傑回來吃午飯的時候，她覺得要使一把勁，才能高高興興地聊天。下午，三人同到河上去，不過朱莉婭感覺到他們帶她去並不很高興，而只是出於無奈。她想到曾多麼熱切地盼望湯姆的假期到來，強自壓住了一聲哀嘆。現在她計算著要過幾天假期才能結束。 她坐進汽車去倫敦，深深地鬆了一口氣。她並不生湯姆的氣，可是非常傷心；她怨恨自己如此控制不住自己的感情。但是她一踏進劇院，便覺得如同從惡夢中醒來一樣，擺脫了對湯姆的神魂顛倒的迷戀；在那裡，在化妝室裡，她重新控制住了自己，而所有的日常生活瑣事都變得微不足道了。她能享有這種自由的時候，一切都無關緊要。 就這樣，這個星期一天天在過去。邁克爾、羅傑和湯姆過得很快活。他們在河裡游泳，他們打網球，打高爾夫球，乘船在河上閒逛。剩下只有四天了。只有三天了。 （現在我可以堅持到底了。等我們回到倫敦後，情況就不同了。一定不能顯露出我是多麼痛苦。我必須裝得若無其事。） 這一陣有這麼好的天氣，我們真是占了便宜，邁克爾說，湯姆很受人歡迎，是不是？可惜他不能再待上一個星期。 是啊，非常可惜。 我以為他是羅傑難得的好朋友。一個十足正常的、心地純潔的英國青年。 是啊，十足的。（該死的蠢貨，該死的蠢貨。） 看他們吃東西的樣子，太有意思啦。 是啊，他們看來吃得津津有味的。（我的上帝，但願噎死他們。） 湯姆將在星期一早上乘早班火車回倫敦。德克斯特夫婦在伯恩頭鎮有所住宅，邀請他們在星期天全都去他們家吃午飯。他們將一起乘汽艇去。 這時湯姆的假期即將結束，朱莉婭幸喜自己始終沒有皺一皺眉頭，流露出心中的惱怒。她肯定他全然不知他多麼深深地傷了她的心。畢竟她必須寬容，他還只是個孩子，而且如果你真要仔細算算，她年齡大得足以做他的母親了。她跟他發生了關係，這是件夠傷腦筋的事，不過事情已經發生了，她也無可奈何；她一開始就對自己說，她絕不能使他感覺到她對他有任何占為己有的要求。 星期日那天晚上，沒有人來吃晚飯。她但願湯姆在最後的一個晚上能單獨跟她待在一起，這是不可能的，不過無論如何他們總可以兩個人到花園裡去散一會步。 我不知他有沒有在意，從他到這裡以來，還沒吻過我一次？ 他們可以乘賽艇出去兜兜。能在他懷裡躺上幾分鐘，將有如在天堂裡一般快樂；這就可以彌補一切了。 德克斯特家的聚會是個戲劇界的聚會。阿爾奇．德克斯特的妻子格雷斯．哈德威爾在演音樂喜劇，有一群漂亮姑娘在她當時參加演出的戲裡跳舞。朱莉婭十分自然地扮演著一個不擺架子的頭牌女演員角色。她對這些在歌舞班中每星期只拿三英鎊的白金色頭髮燙成波浪型的年輕姑娘十分親切。賓客中有好些人帶著科達照相機，她和藹地讓他們拍她的照。當格雷斯．哈德威爾在作曲家的伴奏下唱著她那著名的歌曲時，她熱烈鼓掌。當這位喜劇女演員模仿她演的一個有名的角色時，她和所有在場的人一樣仰天大笑。氣氛很歡樂，相當喧鬧，使人輕鬆愉快。朱莉婭玩得很快活，不過到了七點鐘，她可不想再待下去了。她正在為邀請她來參加這愉快的聚會而向她的兩位主人道謝時，羅傑朝著她走來。 我說，媽，有一大批人要到梅登海德（註：在倫敦西，為伯克郡自治城市，瀕泰晤士河。）去吃晚飯和跳舞，他們叫湯姆和我也去。你不介意吧，嗯？ 熱血衝上了她的面頰。她不由得失聲地回答道： 你們怎麼回去呢？ 噢，這沒有問題。我們會找人給我們搭便車回來的。 她無可奈何地瞧著他。She didn't know what to say. 這將是非常開心的。湯姆拼命想去。 她的心沉下去了。她用了最大的忍耐才好不容易沒有大吵大鬧起來。她控制住了自己。 好哇，寶貝。但不要玩得太晚了。記住湯姆明兒一大早就要起來的。 湯姆也來了，聽到了最後幾個字。 你真不介意嗎？he asks. of course not.我希望你們玩得痛快。 她朝他粲然一笑，可她的眼睛裡卻冷冰冰地充滿著怨恨。 我倒認為那兩個孩子走開去也好，在他們登上汽艇時，邁克爾說，我們有好久沒有在晚上單獨待在一起了。 她握緊拳頭，硬使自己不要對他說閉住他的貧嘴。她正怒火中燒。這下可使她忍無可忍了。兩個星期來湯姆一直不顧她，連以禮相待都沒有做到，而她始終是天使般地親切。天底下沒有一個女人能表現出這樣好的耐心。任何一個別的女人都會對他說，如果他不能按人之常情行事，就給我滾開。自私、愚蠢和庸俗，他就是這樣的一個人。她幾乎情願他明天不準備走，這樣她就可以痛痛快快地把他連同行李一起攆出去。一個倫敦城裡微不足道的小人物，竟敢這樣對待她；詩人、內閣大臣、世襲貴族都不惜回絕最重要的約會，只求有機會同她共進一餐，而他卻把她丟在一旁，去跟一批什麼戲也演不來的、用過氧化氫漂白頭髮的冒牌金髮女郎跳舞。這說明他是個多大的混蛋。你會想他總該有些感恩之心吧。可不是嗎，他身上穿的衣服就是她給他買的。他引以為驕傲的那個金菸盒，不是她送給他的嗎？還有他戴著的戒指。天哪，她要跟他算帳。 是的，她知道該怎麼辦。她知道他在哪個方面最為敏感，她知道如何能最惡毒地傷他的心。這一下將狠觸他的痛處。她在腦子裡反覆考慮著這個計謀，心頭感到一陣淡淡的寬慰。她急於要立即去做她在這計謀中所要做的事情，因此他們一回到家，她就上樓到自己房間裡。她從手提包裡拿出四張一鎊的和一張十先令的鈔票。她寫了一封簡短的信： Dear Tom: 明晨不能見你，特在此附上這點錢供你付賞錢之用。三鎊給管家，一鎊給侍候你的女僕，還有十先令給汽車夫。 julia 她把伊維叫來，吩咐她把這封信叫明天喚醒湯姆的女僕交給他。她下樓去吃晚飯的時候，心裡覺得好過得多了。她和邁克爾一邊吃飯，一邊談笑風生，飯後他們同玩六副牌的伯齊克牌戲（註：一種兩人玩的牌戲。）。即使她花了一個星期來費盡心機，也不可能想出比這可以更加厲害地羞辱湯姆的辦法。 然而等她上了床，卻怎麼也睡不著。她在等待羅傑和湯姆回來。她想到一個念頭，使她心神不寧起來。也許湯姆會意識到他的行為太不像話；如果他稍加思考，他定能想到他造成了她多大的不愉快；很可能他會感到抱歉，因而到了家裡，跟羅傑道了晚安之後，會悄悄走下一層樓，到她的房間裡來。假如他會這樣做，她將一切都寬恕他。那封信大概在管家的餐具室裡；她可以很容易地溜下去把它取回來。 終於一輛汽車開來了。她開燈看了看時間，是三點鐘。她聽著這兩個小夥子上樓，走進他們各自的房間。She waits.她把床邊的燈開了，這樣他開門的時候，可以看得見。她要假裝熟睡著，然後等他踮著腳向她悄悄地走來時，慢慢地張開眼睛，朝他微笑。She waits.夜闌人靜，她聽見他上床和關燈的聲音。她兩眼茫茫地向前方盯視了一陣，然後聳聳肩，打開床邊的抽屜，從一隻小瓶子裡拿了兩片安眠藥。 要是睡不著，我準會發瘋。