Chapter 28 Chapter Twenty Eight

Three days later Roger went to Scotland.Before he left, Julia cunningly managed to keep them from being alone together as little as possible, for any length of time.Occasionally, when they were alone for a few minutes, they talked about insignificant things.Julia wasn't really sorry that he was gone.She could not erase from her mind that strange conversation she had had with him.One of these in particular puzzled her inexplicably; it was his remark that if she went into an empty room and someone opened the door suddenly, there would be no one there.It made her feel very uncomfortable. I've never tried to be a stunning beauty, but I have one thing that no one has ever denied: personality.It would be absurd to say that I have no personality of my own because I can play a hundred different characters in a hundred different ways.I can do this because, damn it, I'm a good actress.

She tried to imagine what would happen to herself if she entered an empty room alone. But I've never been alone, not even in an empty room.There was always Michael, or Evie, or Charles, or the public; not physically possessing them, of course, but spiritually possessing them, so to speak.I have to go and talk to Charles about Roger. Unfortunately he was not around.But he was coming back for rehearsals and opening nights; he hadn't missed those opportunities in twenty years, and they always went to dinner together after rehearsals.Michael will stay in the theater, working on the lights and all, so they can be alone together.They can talk as much as they want.

She studies her role.Julia does not use observation to deliberately create the role she will play; she has a knack of being able to put herself in the role of the heroine she needs to create, so that she can think with the human mind and feel with the human senses of the play. feel.Her intuition suggested to her all sorts of little tricks, which were then surprising by their verisimilitude; but when asked where she got them, she could not answer. Now she needs to put this gutsy and forcedly free-spirited Mrs. Act out the gesture. Michael never liked having a large crowd at rehearsals, and in an effort to keep things a secret ahead of the opening night show, he had only the cameraman and costumer and a few other essentials present besides Charles.Julia remained restrained.She didn't want to put out all the rackets before the premiere.It is enough for her to act appropriately.Michael's orderly direction made it all go well, and around ten o'clock Julia and Charles were sitting in the grill room of the Savoy.The first thing she asked him was what he thought of Avis.How about Creighton.

Absolutely, absolutely beautiful.She was so cute in that costume in Act Two. I'm not going to wear the suit I just wore in the second act.Charlie.Defrier did another set for me. He didn't see her glance at him with some humor, and if he did, he couldn't guess what it meant. Michael followed Julia's advice and worked hard on Avis.He rehearsed for her alone upstairs in his own private room, teaching her every tone of voice and every gesture.Besides, Julia had every reason to believe that he had lunched with her several times and taken her out to dinner.The upshot of it all was that she was uncannily good at that part.

Michael rubbed his hands together. I am very happy with her.I think she will be quite successful.I kind of want to sign her a contract. I don't think so, said Julia, and I'll wait until after the opening night.You never know for sure if a show is going to be a success until you play it in front of an audience. She was a good girl, a perfect lady. A good girl, I thought, because she was madly in love with you, and a perfect lady, because she refused your advances until she got the contract. Ah, my dear, don't be so silly.Why, I'm old enough to be her father. But he smiled smugly.She knew full well that his flirting would not go beyond shaking her hand and kissing her in a taxi or two, but she also knew that he was a little flattered to think that she suspected him of infidelity.

Now, however, Julia, having sated her appetite with due care of her figure, began to talk about the subject that was on her mind. Dear Charles, I want to talk to you about Roger. Oh wow, he just came back the other day, didn't he?How is he? My dear, a very terrible thing has happened.He's back, a pedantic pedant, and I don't know what to do. She recounted the conversation in her own words.She didn't mention the awkward sentence or two, but what she said was mostly accurate. Sadly he has no sense of humor, she concluded. After all, he was only eighteen years old. I was shocked when he said that to me.I feel like Balaam when he heard his donkey speak casually to him , see "The Bible. Numbers".).

She looked at him enthusiastically, but there was no smile on his face.He didn't seem to find what she said as interesting as she did. I can't imagine where he got these ideas from.It would be unreasonable to think that he came up with this nonsense himself. Do you think boys at that age don't think more than us adults think?It is a spiritual development, the results of which are often peculiar. It seemed insincere for Roger to have kept such thoughts secret all these years.He was literally blaming me.She giggled.To tell you the truth, when Roger talks to me, I feel as if I am Hamlet's mother .Later Hamlet scolded her to her face.).Then he continued almost in one breath: I don't know if I am too old to play Hamlet?

Gertrude (Note: Queen of Denmark, the name of Hamlet's mother.) Isn't it a good character? Julia, obviously amused, laughed out loud. Don't be a fool, Charles.I'm not happy playing queen.I'm going to play Hamlet. Do you think the actress is suitable to play Hamlet? Mrs. Siddons played, Sarah.Bernhardt also played.I'm going to put a stamp on my theater career, you know what I mean?There is of course the difficulty of blank verse here. I've heard some actors read like prose, he said. Yeah, but it's not the same, is it? Did you treat Roger well? She wasn't wary of his sudden return to the subject, but she answered him with a smile.

Oh great. It is hard not to be impatient with the absurdities of the young; they tell us that two and two make four as if we had never known it; Follow them with the same surprise, and they will be disappointed.They are impassioned, they talk, and they talk mostly nonsense, but not all nonsense.We should sympathize with them, we should try to understand them.We should remember how much we need to forget and how much we need to learn when we first face life.It is not easy to give up one's ideals, and the ruthless reality that one faces every day is just a bitter pill to swallow.How violent are the mental conflicts of adolescence, and so little can be done to resolve them.

But you don't really think there's any truth to what Roger said, do you?I believe it's all a set of communist fallacies he learned in Vienna.I wish we hadn't sent him there in the first place. You may be right.Perhaps after a year or two he will no longer see the cloud of glory and accept the chains.Perhaps he will find what he seeks, if not in God, then in art. If you're talking drama, I wouldn't want him to be an actor. No, I don't think he would like being an actor. And of course he can't be a playwright, he has no sense of humor. I think he will probably be happy to enter the Foreign Office.There, his lack of humor happens to be one of his great strengths.

What do you think I should do? I can't say anything.Let him go.This may be the greatest favor you can ever give him. But I can't help worrying about him. you do not need to worry.You have to be hopeful.You thought you gave birth to an ugly duckling; maybe he will turn into a swan with white wings. Charles' persuasion was not what Julia wanted to hear.She had expected him to be more sympathetic to her. I think he's getting old, poor dear, she thought.He's out of his mind.He must have been impotent for years; wonder how I hadn't thought of that before. She asked what time it was. I think I should go.I must have a good night's rest. Julia slept soundly and awoke feeling refreshed.Tonight is the first night show.She recalled with joy and excitement that when she left the theater after the rehearsal, the doors of the back seats of the main hall and the back seats of the top floor were already full of people, and there was probably a long queue at ten o'clock in the morning. Luckily the weather was fine for them, poor fools. She used to be so nervous before the opening night.She tends to be a little restless all day long, and as an hour goes by, she is in such a bad mood that she almost wants to leave the stage.However, now, after experiencing endless ordeals, she has been able to act as if nothing had happened.Throughout the day that day, she only felt happy and somewhat excited; it was not until evening that she began to fidget.She became silent, wishing to be alone.She also became irritable, and Michael had long known her temper and avoided her on purpose.Her hands and feet were cold, and when she arrived at the theater, she was as cold as ice.Yet the fear that filled her was not unpleasant to her. Julia had nothing to do that morning except to go to the Siddons Theater to check her lines at noon, so she stayed in bed and didn't get up until late.Michael didn't come back for lunch because he still had to put the finishing touches on the set so she ate alone.Then she went to bed again, and slept soundly for an hour.Her intention had been to rest all afternoon; Miss Phillips was to come at six o'clock to give her a little massage, and she was to be at the theater at seven.But when she awoke she felt refreshed and could not stay in bed, so she decided to get up and go for a walk. It was a sunny day.She prefers the city to the country, and the street to the woods, so instead of going to the park, she strolls in the neighboring squares where there are few pedestrians at this time of year, looking at the houses on both sides lazily, thinking that she would rather have her own house than any of these.She is laid back and lighthearted.Then she thought it was time to go home.She was walking around the corner of Stanhope Square when she heard a voice calling her name that she could already recognize. Julia. She turned and Tom came up, smiling all over her face.She has not seen him since her return from France.He was very handsome in a neat gray suit and a brown fedora hat.He was tanned by the sun. I'm still assuming you're not here, she said. I came back on Monday.I didn't call you because I knew you were busy with final rehearsals.I'm going tonight; Michael gave me a front-row ticket. oh my pleasure. He was obviously happy to see her.He had a look of eagerness on his face and a twinkle in his eye.She was rather pleased to find that seeing him did not arouse any emotion in her.As they talked, she wondered why he had driven her so captivated in the past. Why are you hanging out like this? I'm out for a walk.I'm going back to my tea. Come to my place and we will have tea together. The apartment he lives in is just around the corner.It was indeed on his way home along the alley of garages that he saw her. How did you come back so early? Oh, there's not much going on in the office these days.You know, a partner passed away two months ago, so I can have a bigger share.That means I will eventually be able to continue living in that apartment.Michael was very generous in this matter, saying I could live without paying rent and wait for things to improve.I really hated the thought of being forced to move out.You must come.It's my pleasure to treat you to a cup of tea. Julia was amused by his chattering with such high spirits.Listening to him talking like this, you would never think that there was any relationship between them.He seemed completely at ease. All right.But I can only sit for a while. OK. They turned into the alley, and she went up the narrow stairs ahead of him. You sit in the living room for a while, and I'll turn on the stove to boil water. She went in and sat down.She looked around the room, how many joys and sorrows happened in this room.Everything remains the same.Her picture was still where it was, but there was another frame of Elvis on the mantelpiece.Zoomed-in photo of Creighton.It says For Tom, from Avis.Julia saw it all.The room was somewhat familiar to her like a set in which she had acted, but it no longer meant much to her.The love that devastated her at the time, the jealousy she suppressed, the orgy she gave herself to each other, was no more real than any of the countless roles she had played in the past.She was complacent about her indifference. Tom came in with the little table-cloth she had given him earlier, and put the tea-things, which had also been hers, in order.She didn't know why, but when she thought of him still casually using the many small gifts she gave her, she almost laughed.Then he came in with tea, and they sat side by side on the sofa drinking tea. He further tells her that he is doing better than before.He admitted in a friendly tone that his share of the profits had increased because of the business she had brought him to the firm.He just came back from vacation and told her about the vacation.Julia knew very well that he had no idea how much he had caused her.This made her laugh again at this moment. I hear you're going to be a great success tonight. It's good to be successful, isn't it? Avis said that you and Michael both treated her well.Be careful not to make her big success in the show easy. He said it in jest, but Julia wondered if Avis had really told him she was going to do it. Are you engaged to her? No.She wants to be free.She said getting engaged would affect her artistic career. her what?The words slipped from Julia's mouth, and it was too late to hold back, but she collected herself immediately.Yes, of course I understand what she means. Naturally, I don't want to affect her future.I mean, if she's doing tonight's show, and someone pays her a lot of money to perform in America, I totally think she should be free to accept it. Her art career!Julia secretly laughed. You know, I think you're a very nice person to see how well you treat her. why would you say so? oh no?you know what a woman is like As he said this, he put his arm around her waist and kissed her.She laughed out loud. What a goddam little thing. How about making out for a while? Don't mess around. What nonsense is this?Haven't we been out of relationship long enough? I advocate an irrevocable disassociation with you.And what about Avis? Oh, she's different.bring it on. Don't you forget I'm giving my first show tonight? There is still time. He took her in his arms and kissed her softly.She looked at him mockingly.Suddenly she made up her mind. All right. They got up and went into the bedroom.She took off her hat and took off her clothes at once.He held her tightly in his arms as usual.He kissed her closed eyes, kissed the small breasts she was so proud of.She puts her body to good use, but her heart is indifferent and detached.She kissed him twice out of kindness, but she found herself thinking about the part she would play that evening.She seemed to be two people, the mistress in her lover's arms, and the actress, and she had already seen in her imagination a large, dark and indistinct audience, and heard their applause when she appeared. After a while they were lying side by side on the bed, his arm around her neck, and she had completely forgotten about him, so that when he broke the long silence she froze suddenly. do you still love me? She hugged him a little. Of course, baby.I dote on you. How different you are today. She found him disappointed.Poor little thing, she didn't want to hurt his feelings.He is indeed very cute. The first show is coming up soon, so I'm really distracted today.You must not take offense. She could not help feeling a deep pity for him when she came to the conclusion that this time it was quite clear that she no longer cared about him.She stroked his cheek tenderly. Beloved. (I don't know if Michael remembered to give refreshments to the ticket line. It doesn't cost much, but they will be very grateful.) You know, I really have to get up.Miss Phillips is coming to give me a massage at six o'clock.Evie was dying, she couldn't imagine what was going to happen to me. She chattered cheerfully as she dressed.Although she did not look at Tom, she noticed that he was uncomfortable.She put her hat on, then took his face in her hands, and gave him a loving kiss. Goodbye, my little darling.Get a good night's sleep tonight. I wish you the best of luck. He smiled unnaturally.She saw that he didn't quite understand what was going on with her. Julia flitted out of the apartment, and if she hadn't been the greatest actress in England, a woman approaching fifty, she would have hopped across Stanhope Square on one leg to the door.She was ecstatic.She opened the door with the key and went in, closing it behind her behind her. I see some truth to what Roger said.Love is not worth the fuss that people think it is supreme.