Chapter 15 fifteen

When I got home to London, I found waiting for me an urgent letter, ordering me to go to Mrs. Strickland as soon as supper was over.I also saw Colonel MacAndrew with his wife at her house.Mrs. Strickland's sister was a few years older than Mrs. Strickland's, and looked like her, only older.The woman had an air of shrewdness, as if she carried the whole of the British Empire in her pocket; the air which wives of high officials always wear when they know they belong to a superior class.Mrs. McAndrew was energetic and well-bred, but it was hard to hide her deep-rooted prejudice: if you are not a soldier, you are not as good as a small clerk at the counter.She hated the officers of the Guards, thinking that they were arrogant; she disdained to talk about the wives of these officials, thinking that they were of humble origin.Mrs. Colonel MacAndrew's clothes were out of fashion and expensive.

Mrs. Strickland was visibly nervous. Well, tell us about your news.she says. I saw your husband.I fear he has made up his mind not to come back.I stopped for a while, he wanted to draw a picture. What did you say?Mrs. Strickland cried out, not knowing why. Didn't you know he liked to draw? This man is just out of his mind.the colonel said aloud. Mrs. Strickland frowned.She searched her memory painfully. I remember before we got married he used to run around with a paint box.But the pictures he draws are as ugly as they are.We often tease him.He has absolutely no talent for such things.

Of course not, it's just an excuse.Mrs McAndrew said. Mrs. Strickland pondered for a while longer.It was very clear that she did not understand at all the news I brought.This time she had tidied up the living room a little, so it wasn't like a deserted, furnished room waiting to be let when I first came here after the accident.But after my meeting with Strickland in Paris, it was difficult to imagine that he belonged to such surroundings.I don't think they were unaware of something queer about Strickland. But if he wanted to be a painter, why didn't he tell me?Mrs. Strickland said at last, "I don't think I should be sympathetic to support his interests.

Mrs. McAndrew's lips clenched.I guess, her sister likes to make friends with the temperament of literati and artists, and she never approves of it.As soon as she mentioned the word literature and art, she showed a look of contempt and disdain. Mrs. Strickland went on: Anyway, if he has talent, I'll be the first to encourage him.I don't count any sacrifices.I would rather marry a painter than a stockbroker.If it's not for the kids, I don't care about anything.I should be as happy in a shabby studio in Chelsea as I am in this house. I'm really going to be mad at you, my dear, cried Mrs. MacAndrew, and if you mean it, do you really believe this bullshit?

But I think it's true.I politely expressed my opinion. She gave me an angry and funny look. A man of forty would not give up his job, wife and children to become a painter, unless there was a woman involved.I figured he must have met one of your friends in the art world and fell in love with her. A sudden flush came over Mrs. Strickland's pale cheeks. What kind of person is she? I didn't answer right away.I know I have a bomb ready for them. no women. Both Colonel MacAndrew and his wife cried out in disbelief; Mrs. Strickland even jumped from her chair. You mean you never saw her once?

There is no one at all. Who should I go to see?He is alone. This is something that doesn't exist in the world.exclaimed Mrs. McAndrew. I knew I'd have to go out there myself, said the Colonel, and I'll bet you I'd be able to track that woman out right away. I would like you to go yourself, too, I answered bluntly, and you will see that none of your conjectures are right.He didn't live in a fancy hotel.He lived in a very poor little room.He never left home to live a life of debauchery.He has almost no money. Do you think he did something that we don't know about, because he was afraid that the police would trouble him, so he hid himself from the limelight?

This hint gave everyone a gleam of hope, but I thought it was pure fantasy. If that was the case, he wouldn't have done the stupid thing of giving his address to his buddy, I retorted in a biting tone, and anyway, one thing I'm absolutely sure of, he wasn't Walked with others.He is not in love with anyone.Nothing of the sort had crossed his mind. There was a pause in the conversation as they pondered what I had said. Well, if what you say is true, said Mrs McAndrew at last, things are not so bad as I thought. Mrs. Strickland glanced at her, but said nothing.Her face was now very pale, and her fine eyebrows were darkened and drooped downward.I couldn't understand the look on her face.

Why don't you go to him, Amy?The colonel has an idea that you can live with him in Paris for a year.Children are in our care.I bet he'll get tired of it before long.Sooner or later he would change his mind and prepare to come back to London.Even if a storm is over. If I don't, said Mrs. McAndrew, I'll let him do what he likes.One day he will come home with his tail between his legs and live his comfortable life honestly.Here Mrs. MacAndrew cast a cool look at her sister.You live with him, perhaps sometimes too unintelligently.Men are strange animals, and you should know how to handle them.

Mrs. McAndrew has the same opinion as most women, thinking that men are heartless beasts who always want to abandon the women who love them, but once he really does this kind of thing, the more fault is On the woman's side.Feelings have reasons that reason simply cannot comprehend. Mrs. Strickland's eyes moved idly from face to face. He will never come back.she says. Ah, dear, remember what we just heard.He was used to a life of comfort, and to being looked after.How long do you think he can stay in that shabby little hotel with shabby rooms?Besides, he had no money.He will definitely be back.

As long as he ran away with the same woman, I always thought it was possible for him to come back.I don't believe anything like this can come out of nowhere.Within three months he would hate her to death.But if he didn't run away because of love, everything would be over. Well, I think what you say is too mysterious, said the colonel, this kind of human nature is beyond his professional tradition, and he expresses all his contempt for this characteristic in the word mysterious, don't believe this set.He'll be back, and as Dorothy says, I don't think it'll do any harm to let him play around for a while.

But I don't want him back.she says. May! A fit of fury seized Mrs. Strickland suddenly, and her face was pale with rage.She spoke the following words very quickly, taking a breath every few words. I can forgive him if he falls madly in love with someone and runs away with her.I would think this sort of thing is natural.I don't blame him too much.I would think he was kidnapped.Men are very soft-hearted, and women will use any means to do so.But this is not the case now.I hate him.I will never forgive him now. Colonel MacAndrew joined his wife to persuade her.They were surprised.They said she was crazy.They don't understand her.Mrs. Strickland came to me in a fit of desperation. Do you get me?she shouted. I dare not say.You mean: if he leaves you for a woman, you can forgive him; if he leaves you for an ideal, you can't, right?You think you are an opponent of the former, but you are powerless against the latter, isn't it so? Mrs. Strickland gave me a hard look, but said nothing.Maybe what I said hit her home.She went on in a low, trembling voice: I never hated a man as much as I hated him.You know, I keep reassuring myself that no matter how long this goes on, eventually he wants me.I think he will ask me to go when he is dying, and I am going to go.I'll watch over him like a mother and I'll tell him at the end that I don't remember the past, that I always loved him and that I forgive him for anything he does. I find it hard to bear the predilection of women to be magnanimous on the deathbed of their loved ones.Sometimes I even feel that they don't want men to live too long, because they are afraid of delaying the opportunity to perform this good show too late. But now it's all over.I have lost all affection for him as I have for a passer-by.I wish he died poor, cold and hungry, with no family around.I wish he had some nasty sores and rotted all over.I'm done with him. I thought I might as well take the time to say Strickland's suggestion. If you want to divorce him, he will be more than willing to give you any excuse you need for a divorce. Why should I set him free? I don't think he needs that freedom.He just thought it might be more convenient for you. Mrs. Strickland shrugged her shoulders impatiently.I think I'm a little disappointed in her.At that time, I was still different from today. I always thought that people’s personalities were pure and unified; when I found out that such a gentle and lovely woman had such a strong desire for revenge, I felt very frustrated.I didn't realize then that a person's personality is extremely complex.Today I have realized this: baseness and greatness, viciousness and kindness, hatred and love can exist in the same heart without mutual exclusion. I do not know if I can say anything to relieve some of the humiliation which was tormenting Mrs. Strickland at the time.I think I should give it a try anyway. You know, I'm not sure if your husband's actions are his own responsibility.I don't think he is himself anymore.He seemed to be captured by some kind of force, and was being used to accomplish the goal pursued by this force.He was like a fly caught in a spider web, and he had lost the ability to struggle.It was as if he had been caught by a spell.This reminds me of that strange story people often tell: another person's spirit enters a person's body and drives his own out.The human soul is very unstable in the body, and mysterious changes often occur.If in the past, people would say Charles.Strickland was possessed by the devil. Mrs. McAndrew straightened the hem of her dress, and the gold bracelet slid down her arm to her wrist. I think what you said is a bit too weird, she said bitterly, I don't deny that maybe Ami has given her husband too much indulgence.If she hadn't been preoccupied with her own business, I think she would have noticed something strange in Strickland's behaviour.If Alek has something on his mind, I don't believe that I haven't seen it clearly after more than a year. The colonel stared blankly into the air, and I wondered who could look as open-minded and innocent as he. But that doesn't change Charles in the slightest.The hard-hearted truth of Strickland.Her face was tight, and she glanced at me.I can tell you why he ditched his wife out of sheer selfishness and no other reason. This is certainly the most acceptable explanation.I said.But I thought to myself: This is equivalent to explaining nothing.Finally, I said that I was a little tired, so I got up and said goodbye.Mrs. Strickland had no intention of keeping me sitting longer.