Chapter 37 Chapter Thirty-Six

When Mr. Darcy handed Elizabeth the letter, if Elizabeth had not thought that it contained a renewed proposal, she had never thought of what it would contain.Now that you see such content, you can imagine how urgent she was to finish reading the letter, and how much conflict aroused in her emotions.It is indescribable how she felt when she read the letter.At the beginning, she couldn't help being surprised that he still thought he could be forgiven by others; after reading it, she felt that he justified everything, and there was a sense of shame that he wanted to cover up everywhere.As soon as she read what he had written about what happened that day at Netherfield, she was extremely prejudiced against everything he said.She reads so impatiently that she hardly has time to chew; every sentence she reads is so eager for the next that she often misses the meaning of the preceding sentence.His statement of her sister's lack of affection for Bingley made her at once conclude that he was lying; and his statement that the marriage had indeed been so horribly flawed made her too angry to bring it to light. Read the letter again.He was not in the least bit sorry for what he had done, which of course did not satisfy her.His tone was really domineering, without the slightest hint of remorse.

After reading his confession about Mr. Wickham, she was somewhat clearer than before. Many of the things were very similar to the life experience that Wickham himself described. If these were true, it would make her The cancellation of Wickham's affection really made her more painful and disturbed.She was very surprised and doubtful, and even a little terrified.She wished she could take it all as he fabricated it, she shouted again and again: He must be lying!it's out of the question!This is a ridiculous lie!When she had read the whole letter, she could scarcely remember what she had said in the last page or two, and hastily put it away, protesting repeatedly that she would never take it seriously, nor Go read that letter.

She walked forward in such a distracted way, she really had a thousand thoughts, and she didn't know where to think of it.But in less than half a minute, she couldn't restrain herself again, took out the letter from the envelope, and read those few paragraphs about Wickham intently and painstakingly, forcing herself to savor the meaning of every sentence.The part about Wickham's relationship with Pemberley is completely consistent with what Wickham himself said; and when it comes to old Mr. Darcy's benefits to him during his lifetime, the words in the letter are also in full agreement with what Wickham himself said , though she did not know how kind old Mr. Darcy was to him.Up to here, the situations described by both parties can be verified by each other, but when she read the question of the will, the words of the two people are very different.Wickham's words about the vicar's beneficence she remembered vividly; when she thought of them, she could not help feeling that one of them was always telling a lie, and for a moment she I was so happy, thinking that I was right in thinking this way.Then she read and reread with the utmost care, and when she came to Wickham's receipt of a sum of £3,000 under the pretense of giving up his vicarage, etc., she could not help hesitating again.She put down the letter, and went over every circumstance impartially, and thought over every sentence, to see if there was any truth in it, but it was no use.Both sides insisted on their own words.She had to read on.But the more she read, the more she became confused; she thought that Mr. Darcy's rhetoric and twists and turns would not alleviate his own meanness in the slightest. Mr. Xi can completely shirk responsibility.

Darcy's unhesitating indiction of luxury and voluptuousness terribly appalled her, and was all the more appalled by the absence of evidence to the contrary.Elizabeth had never heard of Mr. Wickham until he joined the militia in such-and-such a county.As for the reason why he wanted to join the militia, it was only because he happened to meet a casual friend in the town and persuaded him to join.As for his past life, she knew nothing at all except what he said.As for his real character, even if she could find out about it, she didn't want to get to the bottom of it.His manner and voice gave the impression that all the virtues were in him at a glance.She tried to think of one or two facts of his good character, some traits of honesty and benevolence in him, which would make the libel which Mr. Darcy accused him unfounded, or at least enable his merits to overshadow him. Accidental negligence.What she called his accidental faults was in reference to the years of idleness and vices Mr. Darcy accused, but she could not think of such advantages for him.She could see him in front of her in a blink of an eye, handsome and well-spoken, but she could not think of him except the admiration of his neighbors, the admiration he won among his companions with his diplomacy. What are the more specific advantages.After thinking for a while, she resumed reading the letter.But my God!Then read his attempt on Miss Darcy, which can be confirmed only by thinking about her conversation with Colonel Fitzwilliam yesterday morning?The letter concluded by asking her to ask every detail of it to Colonel Fitzwilliam himself, and to find out if it was true.She had heard from Colonel Fitzwilliam himself before that he was very familiar with everything about his cousin Darcy, and she had no reason to doubt Fitzwilliam's personality.At one point she almost made up her mind to ask him, but it would be awkward to ask about it, and thinking of this, she temporarily put the idea aside.Then it occurred to her that if Darcy could not be sure that his cousin's words would agree with his own, he would never have ventured to make such a suggestion, and she simply dismissed the idea.

She and Mr. Wickham first met and talked at Mr. Philip's that afternoon, and she can still remember it perfectly.Many of his words are still vivid in her memory.Then it occurred to her how presumptuous it was for him to say these things to a stranger, and she wondered why she had been so negligent before.She saw how disrespectful he was in boasting in that way, and how incongruous he was.She remembered his boast that he himself was not afraid of seeing Mr. Darcy, and that Mr. Darcy would go as soon as he wanted, and that he would never leave the place; After all, he didn't dare to go.She remembered, too, that he had never spoken of his own history to another person before the Netherfield family had moved out, but since the family had moved out, it had been talked about everywhere.Although he once told her that in order to respect Darcy's father, he was always reluctant to expose the young master's faults, but he was still unscrupulous and did not hesitate to destroy Mr. Darcy's personality.

Why is there such a disparity in everything about him!Now it seems that his courtship to Miss Jin was purely out of money, which is really abominable; Miss Jin doesn't have much money, but this doesn't mean that he doesn't have high desires, but it only proves that he is greedy when he sees money. Get greedy.His motives for treating her were not necessarily good either; either he misunderstood that she was rich, or he wanted to win her favor to satisfy his own vanity; Have a good impression.The more she thought about it, the more she felt that he was worthless, and she couldn't help thinking that when Jane asked Mr. Bingley about it, Mr. Bingley said that Mr. Darcy was not at fault in this matter, so she felt Darcy even more. West makes sense.Notwithstanding Darcy's haughty manner, she had never seen him behaving badly or unreasonably since they had known each other (and especially of late when they had seen each other so often that she was more familiar with his behavior) I have never seen him have any vices that violate the teaching or immorality; his relatives and friends respect him and think highly of him. Even Wickham admits that he is worthy of being a good brother. His own sister, which shows that he still has affectionate affection.If Darcy's behavior is really as bad as Wickham said, then all his misdemeanors will be hidden from the eyes of the world; a man who has committed such crimes to such a degree, should make a deal with such a good man as Mr. Bingley It's incredible, my friend.

The more she thought about it, the more ashamed she felt.No matter whether she thinks of Darcy or Wickham, she always feels that she was too blind, too partial, prejudiced and unreasonable in the past. She couldn't help exclaiming: "How despicable I did it!"I have always prided myself on knowing people!I always thought I was capable!I've always looked down on my sister's big-heartedness!To gratify my own vanity, I have always been wildly suspicious of people, and made myself invulnerable.What a disgrace to me this is!But how well deserved is this disgrace!Even if I did fall in love with someone, I wouldn't be so damn blind.However, my stupidity is not in love, but in vanity.When I first met the two of them, one of them liked me, and I was very happy, while the other neglected me, and I was angry. This caused my prejudice and ignorance. When encountering things related to them, I couldn't tell right from wrong.I am not self-aware until now.

She thought of Jane from herself, and from Jane to Bingley, and linked her thoughts in a straight line, which reminded her at once of Mr. Darcy's very inadequate explanation of the matter; I read the letter.The effect of reading it the second time is quite different.If she had to trust him in one thing, how could she not trust him in another?He said that it had never occurred to him that her sister was interested in Mr. Bingley, and she could not help thinking of Charlotte's old opinion.Nor could she deny that he had described Ji-young quite well.It seemed to her that, though Jane was ardent in her love, she did not show it on the surface, and her usual air of self-satisfaction made it impossible to see her sentimentality.

She was all the more ashamed when she read the passage in which he mentioned her family, hurtful as it was, but justified in the accusation.It was such a sharp rebuke that she could not deny it; and he singled out the circumstances at the Netherfield Inaugural Ball as the first cause of his objection to the marriage, which, to be sure, haunted him, I am equally unforgettable. As for his compliments to herself and to her sister, she was not indifferent.She felt very comfortable listening to it, but she didn't feel comforted by it, because her family didn't live up to expectations and attracted his dissatisfaction, and she couldn't get compensation from the compliment.She thought that Jiying's disappointment was entirely caused by her own flesh and blood, and she thought that the merits of the two sisters would also be damaged by the misbehavior of her flesh and blood. Thinking of this, she felt more depressed than ever.

She walked along the path for two hours, thinking back and forth, and reconsidering many things to determine whether it was true.This sudden change is really important, and she has to face the facts as much as possible.She was tired now, and thought that she should go back after being out for a long time; she hoped to enter the room with her usual cheerful face, and she resolved to suppress those thoughts so that she would not be awkward in conversation. Reaching the house, she was immediately told that both gentlemen of Rosings had called on her while she was away, and that Mr. Darcy, who had come to bid farewell, stayed only a few minutes, and Fitz Colonel William, however, sat with them for a good hour, looking forward to her return, and was almost on the verge of running out to find her.Although Elizabeth pretended to be sorry on the surface, she was very happy that she did not see this visitor in her heart.Fitzwilliam was no longer on her mind, only the letter.