Chapter 20 20 Fall Flat Comedy-Like Accidents

I can't wait to cry a lot!If I had a good cry, it seemed to lighten my heart a little. It was a clear evening.I'm neatly dressed, my hair combed, and my clothes sprinkled with perfume, like Don Juan. ] went to her house in a carriage.She lives in a dacha in Sokolnigi.She is young, beautiful, has a dowry of thirty thousand rubles, is somewhat educated, and loves me, the writer, like a cat. I came to Sokolniki and found her sitting on our usual bench under the tall, shapely spruces.When she saw me, she stood up quickly, smiled broadly, and walked towards me. How cruel you are!She said, can it be so late?You should know how bored I am!you man!

I kissed her pretty little hand, trembling all over, and walked with her to the bench.I was shaking all over, my chest was hurting, and I felt like my heart was burning and about to explode.My pulse beat like a fever. This is not surprising!I have come to finally decide my fate.As the saying goes, if you want to go straight to the sky, or you will fail completely, everything depends on this evening. The weather is nice, but I don't care about it.I wouldn't even listen to the nightingale singing over our heads, as she's sure to do when there's some decent rendezvous. Why don't you speak?she asked looking at my face.

Oh, the weather is so nice this evening. Is your mother healthy? healthy. Well yes I, you know, Varvara.Petrovna, I was going to tell you about that is why I came here. I haven't told you, I haven't told you, but now I can't help it!I can't keep silent any longer. Varya bent her head and pulled a small flower with trembling fingers.She knows what I'm going to say.I was silent for a while, and then said: Why not talk about it?No matter how silent I am, or how timid I am, sooner or later I will not be able to control my feelings and tongue.You may feel insulted and you may not understand, but what does it matter?

I shut up.I had to find the right word for it. You said it!Her lovely eyes protested, the slow one!Why do you torture me? You, of course, have already guessed it, I was silent for a while, and then continued, you have already guessed why I come here every day, dangle in front of your eyes every day, and annoy you.How can you not guess it?You must have guessed the feelings in my heart with your peculiar eyesight, and I pause, Varvara.Petrovna! Valya lowered her head even more.Her little finger began to twitch. Varvara.Petrovna! ah? What's the use of me saying this? !Even if you don't say it, you can understand that I love you, that's all, what else is there to say?I pause, I love you so much!I love you so much, like.In a word, take all the novels in the world, read all the confessions of love, vows, sacrifices, and you will feel the kind that is now rising and falling in my chest.Varvara.Petrovna!I pause, Varvara.Petrovna! !Why don't you speak? !

What do you want me to say? Could it be? Valya looked up and smiled. Ah, hell!I thought to myself.She smiled slightly, moved her small lips, and said in a low voice that was almost inaudible: Why not? I just grab one of her hands hard, kiss it hard, and grab the other like crazy, she's so good!I was busy grasping those hands when she rested her little head on my chest, and that's when I saw for the first time how thick and fluffy her wonderful hair had grown. I kissed her head, and it became so warm in my chest, as if a samovar was burning in it.Varya raised her face, so I had nothing else to do but kiss her little lips.

Now, Valya is completely mine, and the 30,000 rubles have already been decided to be handed over to me, waiting to be signed. In short, a beautiful wife, a large sum of money, and a bright future are almost ready for me. Guaranteed, but at this moment, the devil came to pull my tongue. I wanted to show off in front of my fiancée, show off my principles, and make me look different.However, I didn't know what I wanted to do myself, but it turned out to be terrible! Varvara.Petrovna!After I kissed her for the first time, I said, Before I ask you to promise to be my wife, I consider it my most sacred duty to say a few words to you, in order to avoid possible misunderstandings.I'll cut it short for you, Varvara.Petrovna, do you know who and what I am?Yes, I'm honest!I am a hard worker!I am proud!Besides, I have a future, but I am poor and I have no money.

I know that, said Valya, happiness is not about money. Yeah who wants to talk about money?I am proud of my poverty.I can only make a few pennies from my literary work, but I wouldn't trade it for thousands of thousands I understand that.you go on I'm used to being poor.I don't care much about being poor.I can go without food for a week but you!you!You have to hire a carriage before you can walk a few steps, you change your clothes every day, you spend a lot of money, you have never experienced hard times, and an unfashionable suit is a great misfortune to you, so can you? Agree to set aside worldly pleasures for me?Um

I have money.I have dowry money! That's no use!Ten thousand and twenty thousand will be spent in just a few years, but what about the future?Hard times?Are you crying?You, my dear, trust my experience!I know!I know what I'm talking about!To fight against the hard times, you must have a strong will and a superhuman character! I'm just talking nonsense!I thought to myself, and then I said: You have to think about it, Varvara.Petrovna!You have to think carefully, you are deciding what step to take!An irreversible step!If you have the strength, marry me; if you don't have the strength to fight, just reject me!Why!It is better for me to lose you than for you to lose your peace and happiness.Literary work brings me a hundred rubles a month, which is nothing!This little money is not enough to spend!It's not too late, think about it carefully!

I jump up. You have to think carefully!Without that power, there will be tears, blame, and premature graying of my hair. I warn you in advance because I am an upright person.Do you feel powerful enough to live that life with me?That life, externally speaking, is different from your life and is foreign to you.I pause. But I have dowry money! How many?Twenty or thirty thousand!Ha ha!Is there a million?And besides, can I allow myself to appropriate those?No!That will never work!I have pride! I walked back and forth by the bench several times.Valya was silent.I have won.Since she was brooding, it showed that she respected me.

So, you can live with me and endure hardships, or you can choose not to live with me and get rich. Do you have the strength?Does my Valya have power? I have been saying this for a long time.Unknowingly, I was fascinated.While I was speaking, I felt that I was split into two people.One was fascinated by what he said, while the other was fantasizing: Just wait and see, little dear!We will live comfortably with your thirty thousand rubles!That's enough money for a long time! Valya kept listening until she stood up and held out her hand to me. I thank you!she says.But when I heard her tone of voice, I couldn't help shivering and looked into her eyes.Tears glistened in her eyes and on her cheeks.

I thank you!You did a good job of speaking out to me I'm a spoiled man I can't live that life I can't be your spouse She burst into tears.I miscalculated. I was flustered when I saw a woman crying, let alone now.I was wondering what to do when she stopped crying and wiped away her tears. You are right, she said, if I married you I would cheat you.I should not be your wife.I am the daughter of a rich family, spoiled and spoiled, go out in a carriage, eat snipe and expensive small cakes.I never drink vegetable soup or cabbage soup with meals.My mother often scolds me too, but I can't do it if I don't!I can't walk, I'm tired, and my clothes have to be sewn at your expense, no!let's break up! She made a tragic gesture and said out of nowhere: I am not worthy of you!let's break up! After she finished speaking, she turned around and went home.And me?I stood there like a fool, thinking nothing, watching her back, feeling the ground shake under my feet.When I came to my senses, and remembered where I was, and what trouble my tongue had done me, I burst into tears.I want to shout to her: You come back! !But she has disappeared even the shadow. I was so ashamed, so happy, that I set off and walked home.At the gate of the city, the public carriages are gone.I wanted to hire a cab, but I had no money, so I had no choice but to walk home. After about three days, I drove to Sokolnigi.When I came to the dacha, they told me that Valya was ill and was going to Petersburg with her father to see her grandmother.I ended up with nothing and now I'm lying on my bed biting my pillow and punching myself in the back of the head.It seems that several cats are scratching my heart. Readers, how can I fix this?How can I take back my words?What should I say or write to her?I just can't figure it out!It was a complete failure, and what a stupid failure at that!