Chapter 7 seven

I learned long ago: my grandfather and my grandmother had different gods. I remember that when my grandmother woke up every day, she would sit on the bed for a long time, combing her enviable long hair, and struggling to comb some hair off every time. She was afraid of waking me up, so she always scolded in a low voice: ghost hair, nasty thing After combing her hair, braiding her braids, washing her face a few times, blowing her nose, and with an angry look on her face, she stood in front of the holy image and began to pray. I am sure that only prayer can really bring her back to life. . She straightened her back, raised her head, and gazed serenely at the face of the Virgin. She crossed herself and prayed in a low voice:

Most glorious Madonna, bestow your grace on the days to come, Madonna!She bowed and raised her head again, Holy Mother, you are the source of joy, you are the apple tree in full bloom! Almost every day she found new words to praise Our Lady, and each time I listened to her prayers with rapt attention. O purest of hearts, my protector, my benefactor, my mother!You are the golden sun, sweep away the cancerous tumors on the earth, don't let anyone be bullied, and of course don't let me suffer bad luck for no reason. Her smiling eyes were sparkling, as if she had become much younger all of a sudden, she raised her heavy hand, and slowly crossed herself on her chest.

Jesus Christ, Son of God, please be kind to me, for the sake of the Mother Her prayer time in the morning is usually not too long, because she has to make tea, and if she hasn't prepared the tea by then, her grandfather will yell at her.Sometimes, my grandfather got up earlier than my grandmother. When he came to the top floor and saw her praying, he would curl his lips contemptuously. When he stayed for a while to drink tea, he would say: How many times have I taught you, you elm-headed, always going your own way, a heretic, can God bear with you? He understands me, no matter what I say, how to say, he will understand.

Well, you bloody Chuvash [Note: Minority in Russia. 】 Grandma's God was always with her, and she even mentioned God to her livestock.Whether it is a human, a dog, a bird, a bee, or a plant, she will obey her God, who is equally kind and kind to everything in the world. The hostess of the tavern has a cat, which is greedy, lazy, and especially good at flattering people. It has a pair of golden eyes and hair like clouds of smoke. Everyone likes it very much.Once, the cat dragged a starling from the garden, and the grandmother snatched the dying bird from its mouth: Aren't you afraid God will punish you, villain!

When others laughed at her, she scolded them: Do not think that animals do not know God!Any living being knows God as well as you, you heartless bastards She spoke to old Mashalap: Don't be sluggish all the time, labor of God! The horse panted and shook its head. Grandmother didn't say the name of God as much as my grandfather did.I think my grandmother's God is easy to understand and not scary, but you can't tell any lie in front of Him.Because you are too embarrassed to do that, He has a sense of shame in my heart, and because of this, I never tell half a lie to my grandmother.

Once, the hostess of the tavern got into a fight with my grandfather, and she also scolded my grandmother and threw carrots at her.Grandmother said peacefully: You are so confused!my dear wife. This incident pissed me off.I want revenge on this fat woman!According to my observation, neighbors take revenge on each other by cutting off the cat's tail, poisoning the dog, killing the chicken, secretly pouring kerosene into the pickle barrel, and pouring out the wine in the kvass barrel. A better way. That day, I saw an opportunity, and the hostess of the tavern went down to the cellar.I closed the cellar lid, locked it, did an avenger dance on it, threw the key over the roof, and ran back to the kitchen.Grandmother is cooking.She didn't immediately understand why I was so happy, but when she did, she kicked me in the ass and told me to get the key back immediately.I had no choice but to do so, hiding in a corner and silently watching her talk kindly to the fat woman who had just been released, and laughed together.

Good boy!The hostess of the tavern shook her fist at me, but her face was full of smiles. My grandmother took me back to the kitchen and asked: Why are you doing this? Who told her to hit you with a carrot? Oh, it turned out to be for me!See if I don't stuff you under the stove to feed the mice!Tell your grandfather that he will take your skin off!Come on, go to school She ignored me all day, and before Vespers she sat beside me and taught me a few words which I shall never forget: Honey, you have to remember, don't get involved in adults' affairs!Adults are being tested by God, they have learned badly, you haven't, you should live like a child.Wait for God to enlighten you and walk on the life path He arranged for you, understand?As for who made what mistake, let God judge, it's none of your business!

She sniffed the snuff, was silent for a moment, then closed her eyes again and said: Who made what mistakes is a very complicated matter, and sometimes God is not very clear. Doesn't God know everything?I asked in great surprise. She sighed: If He knew everything, no one would dare to do many things!He watched people look down on the earth from the sky, looked and looked, and sometimes burst into tears, crying and saying: My little people, dear people, how I pity you!Here she wept herself, and went to her prayers. Since then, her God has become closer to me and understands better.My grandfather also said that God is omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient, and He will help people with kindness no matter what happens.However, his prayers were completely different from those of his grandmother.

Every morning, after washing and washing, putting on his neat clothes, combing his brown hair and beard, looking in the mirror, he walked cautiously to the holy image.He always stood still on the floor with the big wooden scar like a horse's eye, and stood for a while without saying a word, with his head bowed like a soldier.Then he solemnly opened his mouth: In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit! The room suddenly became solemn, and the flies flew cautiously.He raised his eyebrows, pouted his golden beard, and recited the prayers meticulously: Why should the judge come, everyone's actions must be rewarded? He gently stroked his chest and firmly begged: I only committed crimes against you, please turn your face away and don't look at my crimes.

His right leg was bouncing rhythmically, as if in time to prayer. Born a doctor, healed my pain for many years, I call out to you from the bottom of my heart, Mother of Mercy! His eyes filled with tears: God, for the sake of my faith, never mind what I've done and don't defend me! He kept crossing himself, nodding his head like a cramp, and making some very high-pitched noises.Later, when I went to the synagogue, I found out that my grandfather prayed like the Jews. The samovar was rattling on the table, and the room was filled with the hot smell of pancakes fried with milk dregs.This whetted my appetite.Grandmother had a sullen face, lowered eyelids, and sighed.The merry sun shone through the windows from the garden, and the pearly dew glistened on the branches, and the morning air smelled of anise, sour chestnuts, and ripe apples.

Grandfather is still praying: Quench the flames of my misery, I am poor and wicked! I memorized the words of morning prayer and evening prayer, and every time I listened carefully to my grandfather's prayers to see if he made a mistake!This kind of thing is rare, but when it happens, I can't help being happy. Grandfather finished his prayer and turned to us: Hello you all! We bowed immediately, and everyone sat around the table. I immediately said to him: You missed the word compensation today! nonsense!But he was not confident at all, so his tone was not harsh. What a miss!It should be, but my faith compensates everything, but you didn't say compensation. real?He was terribly embarrassed. I know he will find other things to get revenge on me in the future, but at this moment, I am so happy. Once, my grandmother said: Father, God probably finds it a bit boring too, your prayers are always the same. ah?How dare you say that!He growled fiercely. You never took out what was in your heart! He blushed and trembled, picked up a plate and hit grandma on the head: You old godmother! When he told me about the infinite power of God, he always emphasized the cruelty of this power first.He said that if people sinned, they would be drowned, and if they sinned again, they would be burned, and their cities would be destroyed.God punished mankind with hunger and plague, and ruled the world with sword and whip. Fighting against God is sure to perish!He knocked on the table and said. I don't believe God can be so cruel.All this, I think, was my grandfather's imagination to frighten me into fearing him instead of God. I asked him bluntly: You said that to make me listen to you, right? He also answered bluntly: Of course!Do you dare not listen? So why didn't grandma say that? She is an old fool!He said sternly, she is illiterate and has no brains, and I never let her talk to you about such important matters!Now you answer me, how many levels of angels [Note: According to Christian dogma, there are nine levels of angels. 】? After I answered, I asked him again: Who are these officials at these levels? Let's see where you're going!He grinned, avoided my gaze, bit his lip, and explained unhappily: This has nothing to do with God. Being an official is a human thing.Officials follow the law [Note: Grandfather mistook lawyers for law-abiding. ], they ate the law. What is the law? Law is custom!Speaking of this, he came alive, his eyes shined, people live together, and after discussing it, this is the best way, this is a habit, so it was made into a law!This is like a child playing a game, first you have to agree on how to play it and set the rules.This rule is the law. So what do the officials do? Officer, like the naughtiest child, breaking all the laws! Why? You can't figure it out!He frowned and said, God controls everything in the world!Things in the world are unreliable.As long as he blows his breath, everything in the world will be reduced to ashes! I was very interested in Guan Er, so I asked: But Uncle Yakov sang: The ruler of God, the messenger of light, Officials in the world are servants of Satan! Grandfather closed his eyes, put the beard in his mouth, and bit it.His cheeks quivered, and I knew he was smiling. You and Yashika should be tied together and thrown into the river!It's not for him to sing or you to listen to it, it's a pagan joke! He suddenly stopped talking, looking thoughtful: oh people Although he regards God as unattainable, like his grandmother, he invites God to participate in his affairs.He invited God and many saints.And grandmother didn't know anything about these saints, she only knew Nikolai, Yuri, Flor and Raffle, and they were also very kind to people.They traveled all over the villages and cities, entered thousands of households, and interfered in people's lives.Grandfather's saints were victims, because they kicked down statues and quarreled with the Pope, so they were tortured, skinned and burned! My grandfather sometimes said this: God, help me sell this house, even for five hundred rubles, and I would like to say a prayer of thanks to Saint Nikolai! My grandmother said to me in a mocking tone: Nikolay is going to sell the house for this fool, as if Nikolay has nothing good to do! I kept a notebook that my grandfather taught me to read for a long time, and there were various words and sentences written by him.For example, this sentence: Benefactor, save me from disaster! The disaster mentioned here refers to the fact that the grandfather began to lend usury and secretly accept pawns in order to help his sons who were not able to live up to expectations.Someone reported it, and one night the police came in and searched, but found nothing, and nothing happened. My grandfather prayed until the sun came out, and wrote this sentence in the notebook in front of me in the morning.Before dinner, my grandfather and I read poems, prayers, and Yephlem.Xilin [Note: In the fourth century, a priest, a writer of the church. ] The Holy Book.After supper he began to say vespers again, and the voice of confession echoed through the room: How I serve you, how I repay you, Immortal God protect me from temptation, great god Bless me not to be bullied by outsiders, holy god shed tears for me and remember me when i die lord of all However, my grandmother often said: I'm so exhausted today, I can't seem to say my prayers, I have to go to bed. My grandfather often took me to church to go to evening prayer every Saturday and evening mass on holidays.In the church, too, I made a distinction between people's prayers to God: everything the priest and deacon said was a prayer to the God of the grandfather, while what the choir chanted was the God of the grandmother. I'm talking about the difference between the two Gods in the eyes of a child, which used to tear my heart so painfully. My grandfather's God made me fearful and hostile, because he loved no one, watched all things with sternness, and was constantly looking for the sinful side of human beings.He does not believe in humans, only in punishment. My grandmother's God loves all creatures, and I am immersed in the radiance of His love.During that period of time, God became the most important spiritual content in my life, and if there were any other impressions in my mind, they were cruel, dirty, ugly things. I still can't figure out a question, why can't my grandfather see that kind God? People in my family never let me go to the street to play, because the street is too exciting to me, and the impression given to me on the street makes me feel like I am drunk, and almost every time I want to be a troublemaker and troublemaker.I don't have any children. The children on the street hate me very much. I don't like them calling me Casale, and they call me more proudly: Hey, the grandson of the skinny Casale family is out!beat him! What followed was a fierce battle. I am not much younger than them, and my strength is not bad, but they are almost all the children on the street, outnumbered, and every time I go home, I have a bruised nose and a swollen face.When my grandmother saw me, she exclaimed in horror and pity: Oh, what's the matter, Boss Carrot?Got into a fight?look at your miserable face She washed my face, put a wet sponge on the bruise, and advised me: Stop fighting all the time!You are quite honest at home, why is it different on the street?I told your grandfather he must lock you up When my grandfather saw me with a bruised nose and a swollen face, he never scolded me, but only said: Wearing medals again?You Alnick warrior [Note: In religious poetry, a hero fighting death. ], you are not allowed to go to the street again, did you hear me? I'm not very interested in the quiet street, but when the children are making noise outside, I can't help but want to run out.I don't care much about fights, what I especially hate is the pranks they do: let the dog eat the chicken, abuse the cat, chase the Jewish sheep, abuse the drunk beggar and the fool who is nicknamed "the dead ghost in the pocket". Gossa. Yagoza has a skinny and slender figure, wears a worn and heavy sheepskin coat, walks with a hunchback, swaying back and forth, and keeps his eyes fixed on the ground in front of his feet.What awed me was the intent expression on his gray face, almost divinely engaged, as if he were engaged in something very remarkable. The children chased him and threw stones, but he didn't seem to care at all, and kept walking.But he would stop suddenly, straighten his body, look at the sun overhead, adjust his hat, and look around for a while as if he had just woken up. Yagoza, where are you going?Be careful, you have a dead man in your pocket!The children yelled. With his butt pouted, he clumsily picked up the stones on the ground with trembling hands and hit them back, cursing three obscenities that would never come out of his mouth.The children responded with a much richer vocabulary than he did. Sometimes, when he limped after him, the fur robe tripped him, and he fell to his knees, his hands like dry branches resting on the ground.The children took advantage of this opportunity to throw stones at him more vigorously, and the bold ones grabbed a handful of dirt and sprinkled it on his head, and then ran away like flying. The saddest thing is Gregory.Ivanovic.He was completely blind and was begging in the streets.A little old woman held his hand, and he walked dully, his tall body straightened, and he didn't say a word.The old woman led him to someone's door or window: Come on, have pity on the blind man, for God's sake! Gregory.Ivanovich was silent, and his two black glasses were facing everything in front of him.Hands soaked in paint pulled his beard.I have often seen this miserable scene, but I have never heard a word from Gregory.I felt the pressure in my chest was extremely uncomfortable!I didn't run to him, on the contrary, each time I kept away from him and ran home to tell my grandmother: Gregory is begging in the street! ah!She screamed, take it, and send it to him quickly! I flatly refused.So the grandmother went out into the street by herself and had a long talk with Gregory.He was smiling and twirling his beard like an old man on a walk.It's just a few words, not too many words. Sometimes, his grandmother brought him home for something to eat.He will ask about me.Grandma called me, and I ran away and hid in the firewood pile.I didn't want to go up to him, because it would be too embarrassing, and I know, my grandmother was also very embarrassed.We all avoided talking about Gregory.Only once, after seeing him off, did she come back slowly, sobbing with her head bowed.I walked over and took her hand.She looked at me and said: He's a good guy, he likes you very much, why are you avoiding him? Why did grandfather drive him out?Instead of answering her question, I asked her a question. Oh, your grandfather she stopped, put her arms around me, and said almost in a whisper, remember my words, God will not let us go!he will punish Sure enough, ten years later, the punishment finally arrived.At that time, my grandmother had already rested forever, and my grandfather begged crazily along the street, begging in a low voice: Give me a bun, please, give me a bun!Oh you people The former him, now there is only this bitter and exciting sentence: Oh you people Besides Yagoza and Gregory, who oppressed me, there was another person whom I ran away from when I saw it, and that was the profligate woman Voronikha.Every festival, she will appear on the street.She was tall, with disheveled hair, and she was so drunk that she seemed to be floating in the street instead of walking, just floating like that, singing obscene songs.Everyone avoided her, hiding behind the gate and in the corner.As soon as she floated from the street, it seemed to sweep the street clean.She sometimes howled incessantly in a terrible long voice: My children, where are you? I asked my grandmother, what's going on? This is not what you should know!She answered sullenly. However, my grandmother told me briefly about her story.The woman's original husband was Voronov, an official.He wanted to climb up, so he gave his wife to his boss, who took her away.Two and a half years later, when she came back, her son and daughter were dead, and her husband had lost all public money and was imprisoned.She was heartbroken and started drinking heavily and was often caught by the police. In short, the home is still better than the street.Especially after lunch, my grandfather went to Yakov's dyeing workshop, and my grandmother sat by the window and told me interesting fairy tales about my father. ah!What a time it was!Grandmother once rescued a mynah from a cat's mouth, healed its wounds, and taught it to speak.Hour after hour she would stand before the starling, repeating endlessly: Hey, you say: Give my little starling food! The mynah blinked humorously, it could imitate the calls of orioles, jays, cuckoos and even kittens.But it seems to be very difficult to learn human language. Don't be naughty, say: Give my little starling food!Grandmother kept teaching. The starling suddenly called out loudly, it seemed to be the same sentence, the grandmother laughed loudly, handed the starling the meal with her finger, and said: I said you can do it, you can do everything! She taught the starling that it can beg for food quite clearly, and when it sees grandma from a distance, it shouts loudly: Hello Originally it was hung in my grandfather's house, but after a short time, my grandfather drove it to the attic because it always imitated my grandfather's language.When my grandfather was praying, the starling stuck out its yellow wax-like nose from the gap in the cage and called out mockingly: Ball, ball, ball bald, bald, bald The grandfather felt that the starling was insulting him, so he stomped his feet angrily and shouted: Go away, take this little devil away, or I'll kill it! In addition to mynah, there are many memorable things in the family, which is very interesting.However, there is always a feeling of oppression that cannot be dispelled, which drives me to the point of suffocation. I seem to have been living in a deep pit where the sun cannot be seen all the time. I can neither see nor hear, like a blind or deaf person.