Chapter 12 twelve

One evening, I fell asleep, and when I woke up, I felt that my legs were awake too!I yelled with joy and threw my whole body on my legs, but as soon as I stood up I collapsed.I crawled towards the door and down the stairs. I clearly imagined how surprised the people downstairs would be when they saw me. I can't remember how I came to my mother's room, I sat on my grandmother's lap, some strangers were talking, and a thin green old woman said: Wrap his head and fill it with cranberry soup This old woman is wearing green clothes and a green hat, and the hair in the middle of a mole on her face is also green.She stared at me hard.

who is this?I asked timidly. This is your grandma and grandfather answering unhappily. Mother pointed to Yevgeny.Maximov, says: this is your father Maximov smiled, bent down, and said: I'll give you paints for painting, okay? The room was brightly lit, and among the five candles stood the icon that my grandfather loved.A few strange heads crowded outside the window, and their crushed noses crowded against the window.The green old woman touched my ear with her cold fingers and said: sure, sure He passed out.Grandma said, and took me away. I didn't faint, I just closed my eyes. When she carried me upstairs, I asked:

Why don't you tell me these things? You got it, shut up! you are all liars After she put me on the bed, I threw myself under the covers and burst into tears.Her shoulders trembled especially violently, and she said in a twitching voice: you cry too I don't want to cry.In the dark and cold top floor, she cried for a long time, and I pretended to be asleep before she left. Those few days were very boring. After the engagement, my mother went out, and the house was deserted and lifeless. One morning my grandfather went to the window and started digging putty for the winter window frames.Grandma brought a basin of water and a cloth, and grandpa quietly asked her:

How is it, old woman? what about Are you happy? You got it, shut up! Behind these simple words lies a melancholy fact that is self-evident and self-evident. Grandfather carefully took off the window frame and took it out; grandmother opened the window, and the joyful chirping of birds flooded in. The ice and snow melted on the ground, and an intoxicating air rushed over.I climbed out of bed. Put on your shoes!Grandmother said. I'm going to the garden! The snow there has not yet dried, and it will be a few days! I didn't listen to her, and even the sight of grown-ups made me unhappy.

In the garden the grass was showing its tops, the apple trees were sprouting, and the moss on Petrovna's roof was gleaming green happily.Birds of all kinds chirped in the heady air.In the hole where Uncle Peter wiped his neck, some grass was piled up indiscriminately, and there was no spring feeling at all.I was very angry and wanted to wipe out all the messy and dirty things, and wanted to make this place spotless, and then drive all the adults away, and I lived here alone.Immediately I got my hands dirty, and it kept me from what was going on at home for a long time. Why do you keep pouting?Both my grandmother and my mother asked me that.I'm a little embarrassed, I'm not mad at them, I'm just a little sick of what's going on at home.The green old lady still came and went frequently, having lunch, dinner, and evening tea, she had a panoramic view of everything, which seemed a bit aggressive.Talking about God, her eyes rolled to the ceiling; talking about common language, her eyes dropped to her cheeks.Her eyebrows resembled paper cutouts, her bare teeth silently chewed whatever was stuffed into her mouth, and curled up her little fingers ridiculously.Her whole body was as clean as her son's, and it was disgusting to touch any piece of skin.In the first few days, she once wanted to send her dead hand to me and let me kiss her hand.I turned my head away and ran away.

She often said to her son: You have to educate this child well!Do you understand, Genia? He bowed his head respectfully, frowned, and said nothing.In front of this green old woman, everyone frowned. I loathe the old green woman and her son terribly.This inescapable hatred has cost me many blows.One day, at lunch, she stared and said: Hey, you, Alyoshka, why do you always gobble up something like that, it will choke you, dear! I took a piece out of my mouth and handed it to her: You are so distressed, just take it and eat it I was driven to the top floor by my mother. When my grandmother came, she covered her mouth and laughed loudly, saying:

God, God bless, why are you so naughty I didn't like the way she covered her mouth, so I climbed onto the roof alone and sat behind the chimney for a long time.Yes, I always want to make a bad point, vent my resentment, and stop talking nicely to anyone.Once, I smeared peach gum on both my stepdad and his mom's chairs, and it stuck them both together!My grandfather beat me up.Mother pulled me over, put her knees on me, and said: what's the matter with you dearWhy do you always lose your temper?If you do this, I will suffer to death! Her tears hit my head, alas, it would be better to give me a good meal!I promise, I will never offend the Maximov family again, as long as she stops crying!

Ah, that would be great.We will be married soon, and then go to Moscow, and when we come back you will live with us.Yevgeny.Vasilyevich is very kind and very intelligent, and you will be on good terms with him.After you go to middle school in the future, you will go to college, just like him now, and then become a doctor, or whatever you want, as long as you have knowledge, well, go play! Her series of words did not cheer me up, I just wanted to say: Please don't get married, let me support you! However, I didn't say anything.My mother always evokes many, many thoughts in me, but when it comes time to say it, I can't say it.

My work in the garden went well: I pulled and cut the weeds with a knife, the edges of the pit had drop-offs, I laid broken bricks and made a wide seat with broken bricks, You can even sleep on it.I built the hole neatly with bricks, collected a lot of stained glass shards and rubbed them into the cracks of the bricks. When the sun shines, it looks colorful, just like in a church. Ah, great idea!But weeds will still grow, you didn't get rid of the roots!The grandfather said while waving the shovel: Throw away the grass roots, let's plant sunflowers, that will be beautiful Suddenly, he froze there motionless, tears rolling down his face.

What happened to you? He wiped his eyes: Ah, I, I'm sweating. He immediately started digging again, and stopped after a few strokes: Alas, all your efforts were wasted. I'm going to sell this house!It will be sold around fall.Give your mother a dowry, may she live well from now on He dropped the shovel and walked away thoughtfully.I continued to do it, but the shovel hurt my foot immediately. This prevented me from attending my mother's wedding.I leaned against the gate and watched her take Maximov's hand carefully and walked away. Weddings are lonely.After returning from church, we all sat down to tea in a sullen mood.Mother immediately changed clothes and went to pack things.Maximov said:

I can’t buy any good ones here, but I have one myself, so I can’t give it to you, wait until I get back from Moscow What? pigment. What are you doing? Draw! I will not! Then give you something else! Mother comes over: We'll be back soon, when your father finishes his studies, we'll be back They talked to me like grown-ups, which was pleasing to me, but a guy with a beard who was still in school was a little bit off.I asked him: What did you study? Surveying. I don't have the knowledge to specifically ask what this is.There was a dull silence and a rustling like woolen cloth in the house, and one could not help wishing that night would come sooner. Early the next morning, they set off.When we were leaving, my mother hugged me, looked at me with strange eyes, kissed my face, and said: Bye now You tell him, let him listen to me!Grandfather looked up at the sky and said gloomyly. Well, listen to your grandfather!She crossed herself and said.I was expecting my mother to say something else, but my grandfather interrupted me, which was annoying. They got into the open carriage, and the hem of the mother's gown was caught somewhere in the carriage. She pulled it a few times, but did not pull it away. You go and help!Grandfather ordered me.I didn't move, I was so sad. Maxim's long legs were laid out on the carriage, and his grandmother stuffed some bundles into his hands. He put them on his knees, pressed them with his chin, wrinkled his pale face in horror, and said in a drawn out voice: enough The old green woman was in the other car with her oldest son, an officer, who was yawning with the handle of his saber to his beard. Ah, are you really going to war?grandfather asked him. must go! Well, the Turks should fight [Note: Refers to the Russo-Turkish War of 1877-1878. 】 They are gone.The mother turned her head several times, waving her hand, and the grandmother supported her and wept bitterly, and the grandfather also shed tears, choked up and said: no, nothing good will come of it I watched the carriage turn a corner, and the skylight in my heart seemed to be closed, which made me very uncomfortable. It was still early, the windows of every household were still tightly closed, and there was no one on the street, which looked desolate and empty.The shepherd played his flute endlessly in the distance. Let's go to drink morning tea, my grandfather pulled me and said, you are destined to be with me! We worked all day in the garden, clearing the ground, trimming the hedges, tying up cranberries, and crushing caterpillars.Grandfather sharpened the end of the charred wood, stuck some sticks into the ground, and I hung a birdcage with the birds on it, and I made it all work out perfectly. Very good, you have to learn to arrange everything yourself!said grandfather. I cherish his words very much. He lay on the lawn and taught me without any hurry: Now you're cut from your mother, understand?She gave birth to a child, so she kissed you!Didn't you see your grandmother drinking again? He paused and remained silent for a long time before speaking again: This is the second time she has been drinking heavily. The first time was when Mikhail was about to be drafted into the army. She was an old fool and asked me to buy an immunity certificate for that goddamn son.Perhaps he would become a good man as a soldier!Oh, I'm dying, I'm dead, you're the only one left, you have to figure out your own way of life, understand?Be independent and don't be at the mercy of others!You have to be honest in life, but you can't let others bully you!It's not that you can't listen to what others say, but you have to make up your own mind how to do it! I spent most of the summer in the garden, and my grandmother was often with me. We lay on the hay and looked up at the sky. She told me something for a long time, and occasionally inserted a few sentences like this: Look, a shooting star!I don't know whose pure soul ran to the embrace of Mother Earth!There is a place where a good person is born! Or point me to: Look, another star has risen, how bright it is!Oh, what a beautiful sky, you are God's splendid cassock Grandfather kept muttering beside him: Alright, go back to sleep, you'll catch a cold, you'll have a stroke, and if a thief comes in, you'll be strangled to death! Sometimes, as the sun sets, a river of fiery red pours out of the sky, and then, orange, orange and yellow dye the green lawn of velvet satin. Gradually, everything becomes dark, and everything seems to swell and expand.In the warm darkness, the leaves that have absorbed the sunlight drooped down, and the green grass also drooped its head, and the sweet smell permeated the air.As the night fell, something like a loving mother poured into my chest, making me forget everything about looking up at the deep sky. After a long time, you seemed to have risen up and merged into the heaven and earth. Slowly you sink into a dream.Occasionally, the sound of human voices, birdsong, or the walking of hedgehogs was amplified several times by the silent night.The sound of the piano occasionally drifts into a passage, the laughter of women, the sound of sabers clashing, and the sound of dogs barking listen. When I wake up, the light and birdsong come together.The air was moving, the dew was soaking the clothes, and a misty mist rose from the lawn.The sky is getting bluer and bluer, and larks fly high into the sky, a kind of joy flows from the bottom of your heart, which makes you jump up immediately, go do something quickly, and take care of the surrounding vegetation and light! This was the period in my life when I had the most insight into nature and life. In this unforgettable summer, my self-confidence and hazy concept of life were formed. I've changed, I don't want to be with other people anymore, the shouts of the Ovsennikov children no longer attract me, the arrival of the two Sashas doesn't arouse me any excitement, I don't want to be with anyone. They are together. I hated my grandfather's endless moaning more and more.He often quarreled with his grandmother and kicked her out.For several days, grandmother was at Yakov's or Mikhail's house.My grandfather cooked by himself, burned his hands, and cursed loudly, looking ugly.Occasionally he came into the garden, sat down on the lawn, looked at me silently and asked me: Why are not you talking? nothing to say. In this way, he began to teach me again: Born in a small family like ours, you have to rely on yourself for everything, no one to serve you, no one to teach you!Books are for people to read, and schools are built for people, we have no part He fell silent suddenly.Long periods of silence are frightening. In autumn, my grandfather sold the house. One morning before the sale, he announced somberly: Old woman, I have supported you, but now I have had enough!Go earn a living by yourself! Grandmother took a leisurely sniff of snuff and said: All right. My grandfather rented two dark and small basements.The grandmother threw a straw sandal into the stove, knelt down, and began to call the house god: House God House God, you are the head of the family, I gave you a sleigh, please sit on it, go to the new home with us, bless us to find new happiness Grandfather saw it and shouted: you dare!heathen, don't invite him Do evil, be careful of God's retribution!Grandma was also in a hurry. Everything in the house was sold to the Tatars who collected rags, and they bargained desperately, cursing each other. Grandma watched, crying for a while and laughing for a while, and kept chanting: Take it all away, take it all away The garden is also finished, and I want to cry but have no tears. Moving in two large cars, I was sitting among all kinds of old furniture, and the car was shaking so badly, as if it was trying to throw me off. Not long after my grandfather moved to the basement, my mother returned, pale and thin, with large eyes that shone with fiery wonder.She was always looking and looking, as if seeing her father, mother, and her son for the first time, and then she walked silently up and down the room, clasping her hands behind her back. , The fingers kept moving. God, you've grown so tall!My mother touched my cheek with a hot hand, and her belly was ugly. The stepfather held out a hand: Hello, little brother!How are you feeling, huh? He smelled the air and said: The air here is very humid! They both seemed tired from running for a long time, and they were eager to lie down and rest. Everyone sat in silence, it was raining outside.Grandfather took a sip of tea and said: So it's all burned out? It was all burned up, and we were lucky to escape. Oh, oh, fire and water are ruthless The mother leaned her head on the grandmother and said something in a low voice. However, my grandfather suddenly raised his voice, and I also heard some wind. There was no fire at all, and you lost all your gambling. For a while, there was another deathly silence, the sound of boiling tea and the sound of rain hitting the windows seemed particularly loud. Mom and Dad called out. What dad?Grandfather yelled deafeningly, what else?Didn't I tell you that it's impossible for a thirty-year-old to marry a twenty-year-old!Well now, what do you think? All four of them let go of their voices and started arguing loudly.The stepfather was the loudest and scariest.I was terrified and ran out. I don’t remember some things clearly after that. For some reason, we lived in a dilapidated house in the village of Solmov. My grandmother and I lived in the kitchen, and my mother and stepfather lived in a house with a window facing the street in the west.Opposite the house is the dark factory gate. In the morning, with the sound of wolf howling sirens, people poured in.At noon, the gate was opened, and the workers were spit out again like black water, and the strong wind drove them back to their respective homes.At night, the sky above the factory rises from time to time like a beacon-like fire, which makes people feel fear and disgust.The sky is perpetually leaden, and a dull leaden gray covers roofs, streets, and everything one can see. Grandmother became a servant, fetching water, washing, cooking and cooking. She was so exhausted every day that she kept sighing.Sometimes, after a busy day's work, she puts on a short padded jacket and goes to the city. See how the old man is doing? I am coming too! Freeze you to death, look at the wind! She herself had to walk seven versts in the snow-covered fields where the road was not visible. The mother became more and more ugly, with a yellow face and a big belly, and a torn scarf was always around her head.She often stood at the window in a daze, motionless for hours. Why do we live here?I asked. hey shut your mouth She always talks to me so concisely, such as: Go, give it to me, bring it! She didn't let me go to the street, because I would fight when I went to the street. Every time I came back, fighting with my injuries became my only entertainment.At times like this, my mother would beat me with a belt, but every time I hit me, I would run out to fight more often. Once she beat me up, I said if I beat me again, I would run out and freeze to death!She was taken aback, pushed me away, and said out of breath: little beast! Anger and resentment took over the place of love in my heart and I became a bit hysterical. The stepfather had a sullen face all day long, ignoring us, mother and son.He quarreled with his mother more and more, and always drove me mad with the word you, which I hated so much.He always shut the kitchen door tightly when we quarreled, and it seemed that he didn't want me to hear him, but I still listened carefully to his dull bass. On one occasion he stamped his feet and shouted: It's all because of your big bastard's belly that I can't invite guests, you're a stupid old buffalo! I was flushed with anger, and I jumped up on the hammock, hitting my head on the ceiling and biting my tongue. The dark days didn't last long, and they sent me back to my grandfather before my mother gave birth. Oh, the little devil is back again, it seems that my old and immortal grandfather is closer than your own mother!He scoffed. Soon, the mother and grandmother came back with the children.The stepfather was kicked out of the factory because of detaining workers, but he didn't know where he went, and was immediately hired as a conductor at the station. After some free time, I moved in with my mother again.My mother sent me to school right away.On the first day of enrollment, the school repelled me. When I went to school, I wore my mother's leather shoes, and my coat was made from my grandmother's coat, which caused ridicule from my classmates.But I got on well with the children very quickly, but I couldn't get the teachers and priests to like me. The teacher has a yellow face and bald head, and his nose is always bleeding. The cotton plugs the nostrils, and he pulls them out from time to time to check.He has a pair of really annoying gray eyes, staring at me for nothing, and I have to keep wiping my face, as if he only pays attention to me: Pes(sh)kov, change your shirt!Biskov, ah, you, why do your feet keep moving!Piskov, another piece of water is coming out of your shoe! For this, I retaliated against him once: I put the watermelon on the door, and when he came in, he immediately buckled it on the bald head.I took a good beating for it. Another time I spilled snuff into his drawer and he kept sneezing.Had to call his son-in-law to take over.He was an officer and ordered everyone to sing "God, bless the Tsar!" ” and “O Liberty, O Liberty! ", if anyone sang incorrectly, he would hit his head with a ruler, it was very loud, it didn't hurt, but it made people laugh. The priest doesn't like me because I don't have the "Apostles in the Old and New Testaments" and because I often learn his colloquial language. When he entered the classroom, the first thing he did was to ask me: Peshkov, have you brought the book?um, book? No.did not bring.Um? what eh? No? Well, let's go back!Um?I don't want to teach a student like you.Well, I don't want to. This didn't bother me much, and I left, wandering aimlessly into the village, looking around and playing until school was over. In this way, even though my grades were not bad, they told me that I would be kicked out of school because of my indecent behavior.I was downcast, and a disaster was about to come, because my mother's temper became more and more bad, and she beat me more and more often. But at this time, a savior came to the school, and he was the hunchbacked Bishop Khrisanf. He sat down behind the table and said: Let's talk, kids! The classroom was immediately filled with a warm and happy atmosphere.After calling several people, he called me. How old are you, kid?Grow so tall!Don't you use an umbrella on rainy days? He stroked his sparse beard with one hand, looked at me benevolently, and said: Well, tell me about your favorite story in the Bible, will you? I have no books, and I have never studied the Bible. That can't be done, the Bible must be studied!Have you heard the story inside?Can hymns be sung?Very good!Still saying prayers?Ah, "Apostles" too?You know a lot of things! Our priest came, flushed and out of breath, and when he was about to say something about me, the bishop waved his hand and said: Please wait a minute and you tell me about godly Alexei, the best poem, little brother, won't you? When I forgot a certain line of the poem, after a short pause, he immediately interrupted me: Ah, what else can you do?Can you tell the story of King David?I would love to hear it! I could tell he wasn't telling the story, he was actually listening.Listen carefully. Have you studied hymns?Who taught it?Loving grandfather?Ah, vicious?real?You are naughty, aren't you? I hesitated and replied: yes. Then why are you naughty? School is boring. What?boring!No, if you're bored, your grades won't be as good.This shows that there are other reasons. He took out a small book from his pocket, wrote on it, and said: My friend, Peshkov.Alexey, you have to learn to be patient and not be too naughty!It's okay to be a little naughty, but if you're too naughty, others will get angry.Is it right?kid? right.Everyone answers together. You are not very naughty, are you? No, very naughty, very naughty!Everyone laughed and answered.The bishop leaned back in his chair: How strange that when I was your age, I was naughty and a naughty one too!What's going on here?Children. Everyone laughed, and so did the priest. He merged with everyone, and the happy air became thicker and thicker.Finally, he stood up: Well, rascals, it's time for me to go! He made the sign of the cross and blessed: In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, I wish you a wonderful future!goodbye. Everyone shouted: Goodbye, archbishop, we must come again! He nodded: Sure, I'll bring you books. He turned to the teacher again and said: Let them go home! He took my hand and said quietly: Ah, you have to learn to restrain yourself, don't you?I know in my heart why you are naughty!Well, bye, kid! I was very excited and couldn't calm down for a long time.The teacher asked everyone else to leave, but left me alone. I listened to him carefully, and I found him so kind: You can take my class later, yes.should.But don't be naughty, just sit down, okay? In this way, I have a good relationship at school.But at home there was a commotion: I stole a ruble from my mother. One night they all went out, leaving me to watch the kids.I casually flipped through a book of my stepfather, and suddenly found two banknotes in it, one for ten rubles and one for one ruble.It dawned on me that one ruble could buy "Apostles" and a book about Robinson Crusoe.I knew this book at school. Once, when I was telling a fairy tale to my classmates, a classmate said: What fairy tales are you talking about, bullshit, the story of Robinson Robinson is great! I later found out that several people had read Robinson's story.So I decided to read it again, in order to be able to say: Shit! When I went to school the next day, I brought a copy of "Apostles" and two tattered books of Hans Christian Andersen's fairy tales, three catties of white bread and one catty of enema.Robinson Crusoe was in a small shop. It was a little yellow leather book with a picture of a bearded man wearing a fur hat and animal skins, which made me feel a little unhappy.On the contrary, no matter how tattered a fairy tale book is, it is cuter than it. At noon, I shared bread and enema with my classmates, and began to tell a particularly attractive fairy tale "Nightingale". In distant China, everyone is Chinese, even the emperor is Chinese. This sentence made us surprised, delighted, and everyone couldn't wait to read it.I didn't finish reading "Nightingale" at school, it was too late, and everyone scattered to go home. My mother was cooking by the stove, she looked at me, lowered her voice and asked: You took a ruble? Yes, I bought the book.this is not Before I could finish speaking, she beat me up and down, confiscated my book, hid it somewhere, and never found it again. This hurt me more than beating me. I didn't go to school for several days, and when I got to school again, many people called me a thief! , which was passed on from his stepfather to his colleagues, and his colleagues' children passed it on to the school.In fact, I didn't hide anything at all. I explained it to others, but they didn't believe it.When I got home, I told my mother that I would never go to school again. She looked out the window blankly, feeding her little brother Sasha: You nonsense, how does anyone know that you took a ruble? You go ask! That must be your own nonsense! I said the name of the student who sent the message.Her face was wrinkled pitifully, and her eyes were wet with tears. I went back to the kitchen and lay down on the bed, listening to my mother sobbing: oh my god I stood up and went to the yard, but my mother stopped me: where to?return!come to me! We sat on the floor, and Sasha felt her mother's buttons and called: Buckle, buckle! Mother hugged me and whispered: We are poor, every kopeck of ours, every kopeck She choked up and couldn't speak anymore, and hugged me tightly with one hand.After a pause, she gritted her teeth and said: This badass badass! Eggs, eggs!Sasha learns. Sasha is a big-headed doll, always staring, looking at everything around him without blinking.He started to talk very early and rarely cried. When he saw me, he happily let me hug him and touched my ears with his soft little fingers.He died suddenly without any illness, and in the morning he was fine, but when the bell for vespers was struck, his body was already dead.That was shortly after the second child, Nicola, was born. With the help of my mother, my situation at school was restored, but they were sending me back to my grandfather. One evening, I heard my mother shout hoarsely in the yard: Yevgeny, you, I beg you Stupid talk!said the stepfather. I thought I didn't know, you were going to her place! so what? After a few minutes of silence, my mother coughed and howled with difficulty: You, you're a real villain Then there was the sound of slapping.I rushed in and saw my stepfather, neatly dressed, kicking my mother who had collapsed on the ground!My mother stared up at the ceiling with blank eyes, gasping for breath. I picked up the bread knife on the table, which was the only thing my father left for my mother, and stabbed my stepfather in the back of my life. When the mother saw it, she pushed the stepfather away, and the knife slid through his waist, cutting a big hole in his clothes.The stepfather yelled and ran out. Mother threw me to the ground and snatched the knife. Stepfather is gone. Mother put her arms around me, kissed me, and cried: Forgive your poor mother, dear, how can you use a knife? I told her I was going to kill my stepfather and then myself.I swear by it, I am meticulous, it is absolutely beyond doubt!To this day, I can still see that repulsive leg with a bright curlicue running down the trouser leg, and see it kick at a woman's breast! Recalling these lead-heavy images of old Russian life, I often ask myself: Is it worth it! Because ugliness is also a kind of reality, which has not disappeared until today!To remove them from our lives, we must understand them. Although they are so heavy, so suffocating, and evil, but the soul of the Russians bravely broke through, overcome and defeated them! Ugliness, vileness, health, and goodness grow together in this vast and fertile land, and the latter ignites our hope that happiness will not be far away from us forever!