Chapter 7 Chapter VII

He was surrounded by darkness and screams.Two hands gripped his right arm, nails digging into the fabric of his sleeve. A vision of hell appeared before Jeff: weeping children screaming and running staggeringly, unable to escape the attack of black winged creatures overhead, they kept swooping down and pecking at the children's faces, mouths and eyes Then a icy blonde lifts the two little girls into a car and saves them from the onslaught.He was watching a movie, and Jeff realized it was Hitchcock, The Birds. The pressure on Jeff's arm gradually decreased with the horror of the scene, he turned his head and saw Julie.A shy girlish smile appeared on Gordon's face.On the left is Sarah's friend Paula, who is snuggling up to the young Martin.In the protection of Bailey's arms.

In 1963, everything started again. Honey, why are you so quiet tonight?On the drive to Moe and Joey after the movie, Judy sat in the back of Martin's Corvair. ask.Don't you think it's stupid for me to be so scared? No, not at all. She intertwined their fingers and rested her head on his shoulder.That's good.I'm afraid you're taking me for a fool.Her hair was full of fresh, clean breath, and a few drops of Lanvin perfume were sprinkled on her slender, pale neck.She smelled exactly the same as that embarrassing night in Jeff's car twenty-five years ago and she smelled the same on that same night before that, almost half a century ago.

Everything he had accomplished was wiped out: the empire of money he built, the mansion in Dutchess, and the worst loss was that he lost his daughter.Everything about Ge Liqian was gone, her slender figure, her slender figure, her smart, soulful eyes, were dead, or worse than dead.In this reality, she never existed. For the first time in his long and broken life, he fully understands Lear's mourning over Cordelia's death: You are gone forever, forever, forever, forever, never to return. What did you say, dear?Did you speak just now? It's nothing, he whispered, pulling the girl closer to his chest, but unconsciously said what he was thinking.

Well, tell me what's on your mind. He thought of the precious innocence of the girl in front of him, and it was a kind of grace that he didn't know the harm caused by this crazy world. I'm thinking about how much it means to me to have you here, and how much I need to hold you. This is a boarding school outside Richmond that he attended, and here, like Emory, the campus scenery has not changed at all.But some places were slightly different from what he remembered: the building looked shorter, and the public canteen was closer to the lake than he remembered.He had expected some small inconsistencies, and had even decided early on that it was a memory error, rather than thinking that things themselves had changed concretely.This time, it had been nearly fifty-five years since he had last been here, nearly fifty-five years of faded memories.Time had been split in half, including his entire adult life, and now it started all over again.

University life is not bad, right?Mrs Brandon asked. not bad.I just feel that I have been away from school for a while and want to come back and have a look. The plump petite librarian chuckled lovingly and said, You haven't graduated a year, Jeff.Are you getting nostalgic so soon? I think it's nostalgia.he smiled.I feel as if I have been away for a long time. Wait another ten or twenty years, and then you will realize how far away it all is.I suspect you'll want to come back here and see us when the time comes. I'm sure I will. I really hope.It's good to know how the kids have become and how well you've adjusted to the outside world.I think you'll be fine.

Thank you, ma'am.I'm trying now. She looked at her watch, and her attention was drawn to the front door of the library.Well, I have to meet a group of next year's freshmen at three o'clock and give them a brief tour.You're going to see Dr. Umbrut before you leave, right? Certainly. The next time you pass by my house and come in, let's have a glass of sherry and chat about the past. Jeff said goodbye to her and went out through the side door through the bookshelves.He hadn't planned to speak to any of the faculty members, but driving here he'd expected to run into one or two by chance.On the whole, he thought he and Mrs. Brandon were coping well, but he was relieved that the conversation was over so shortly.Such encounters at Emery, which he had been confident of handling, were far more difficult to deal with here.His memories of this place and these people were too far away.

He strolled on a path behind the library and walked into the quiet Virginia pine forest. He spent his youth to youth on the campus surrounded by pine forests.Something drew him, something stronger and more irresistible than nostalgia.God, he's had too much of the old days imposed on him to feel nostalgic anymore. It was the last place that hadn't been repeated in a life situation that meant a lot to him, and it looked exactly as he remembered it.He has returned to his childhood home in Orlando and has been to Emery twice.But where he lived right after leaving college when he was a young college graduate and then when he married Linda wasn't part of the life he's living now and just recently.But here, he exists in the memory of others.He had made a small personal mark on this school, just as this school had a great influence on him here.Maybe he just needs to get in touch here, to make sure he exists, to remind himself that there was a time when reality was secure and never repeated.

There was an elm tree with drooping branches on the path. Jeff stretched out his hand and pushed back the protruding branches. Unexpectedly, he saw the small bridge that had always haunted him with guilt and shame.He stood there, gazing at the vision that had haunted him in his dreams for fifty years.The wooden pedestrian bridge across the creek was small in scale and simple in structure, less than ten feet long, but Jeff couldn't restrain the panic rising in his chest when he saw it.He didn't know that the trail led here. He let go of the elm branches and walked slowly towards the small bridge with its hand-sawn planks and tripod railings made with love.Of course the bridge was rebuilt, Jeff always thought so.But since that day, he hasn't been to this place again, although he is still in school.

He sat by the stream next to the bridge, stroking the weathered wooden bridge with his hands.Across the creek, a squirrel gnawed at an acorn held between its paws and looked at him calmly and alertly. In his first year at school, Jeff was not exactly a shy boy.He is quiet and serious about his studies, but he is by no means shy.He quickly made a few friends, had a lot of trouble in the dorm room, and always had him for things like shaving cream fights and hanging toilet paper in classmates' rooms.As for the girls, Jeff's experience was nothing more and nothing less than what people in those innocent days expected from fifteen-year-old boys.Jeff had had a regular girlfriend during his last year of junior high school, but until then none of the high school girls who came over from Richmond for school dances on weekends had particularly attracted him, so it wasn't until he was sixteen that he dated a The girl named Barbara had a memorable encounter.

But during his first year here, Jeff fell in love.He fell in love with his French teacher with all his heart, a man named Deirdre.Langdale's twenty-five-year-old woman.He wasn't alone in his crush on his French teacher; almost eighty percent of the boys at the boys' school were in love with the slender brunette whose husband taught American history.Every dinner time, the six seats at Mr. Langdai's table in the public cafeteria are the targets of everyone's heads.Two or three nights a week, Jeff would try to get himself a spot. He believed that Teacher Langdai treated him very differently, different from her bright warmth towards other students.He was sure he saw a special look in her eyes when she spoke to him.Once in the class, she led the class to recite Baudelaire, and she stood behind him and slowly and casually massaged his neck.It was a moment of intense erotic attraction for him, the envious glances of his fellow students.For a while he stopped masturbating to the Playboy centerfold poster, and when he thought about her privately, he reserved the place for his sexual fantasies to Deirdre, to her alone.

By the end of November of that year, it had become apparent that Mrs. Roundy was pregnant.Jeff did his best to ignore it, because it meant that she had a healthy relationship with her husband, and the joy of mother-to-be brought a beautiful glow to her face, and he focused on that. Her maternity leave was in the winter, and the class was filled by another teacher until she came back to teach.In mid-February, the child was born.In April she was back at their couple's table in the communal cafeteria, her breasts protruding from the milk.When she wasn't holding the baby in her arms, it was in a carry-on bassinet; her husband occasionally made loving gestures from his seat next to her.The two of them occupied her love and attention almost all the time; she smiled at him only rarely, and Jeff could no longer imagine that he could receive the secret love in her smile. The Launds lived in a house off campus, on the other side of the woods behind the library.On sunny days, Mrs. Roundy liked to walk to and from school and home through the quiet woods of thimbles and birches.There is an old path connecting the two places, but it is separated by a small stream in the middle.In the fall, she could easily wade through the water; but now, with a baby in a stroller, the creek is a big obstacle. Her husband worked hard for six weeks to build the bridge.He cut the planks to size with a band saw in the school shop, painstakingly planed the logs so they were smooth and snug, and made the joists and beams of the mini-arches twice as strong as they needed to be.On the night when the wooden bridge was inaugurated, Mrs. Laundy publicly kissed her husband at the table in the communal canteen, a long and loving kiss.She had never acted like this in front of male students.Jeff stared at his untouched food, feeling his stomach shrink from the cold. The next day he went for a solitary walk into the woods, trying to drive away the bad mood that had gripped him, but as he passed the bridge, something suddenly came to him. When he picked up the first boulder from the river bed, uncharacteristic anger swept through his mind, and he hurled it against the wooden railing with all his might.He kept, kept throwing the heaviest rock he could find and lift.The buttresses of the bridge were the hardest and most indestructible, built to last, but the beams were defeated by Geoff's furious attack and fell into the creek along with other remaining fragments. When it was over, Jeff stood staring at the sodden wreckage of the bridge, panting from exhaustion and excruciating distress.Then he glanced up and saw Mrs. Roundy standing in the path on the other side of the brook.When she saw him, the face he had been infatuated with for months was as expressionless as a mask.After a few seconds of eye contact, Jeff sprints away. He thought he was going to be fired, but no one ever mentioned it.Jeff never sat at the Roundys' table again.He avoided meeting them both as much as possible.In class she remained polite, even gracious, to him, and by the end of the year he had received top grades in French. He threw a pebble into the slow-flowing water and watched it bounce off a rock and plop into the stream.The act of destroying the bridge was despicable and inexcusable, though Mrs. Roundy forgave him, defended him, and even sensibly never offered to forgive him, to avoid further humiliation.She must have understood the lonely, foolish rage that led to his extreme behavior, and she must have seen in this childish behavior that he regarded her love for her husband and child as the deepest betrayal. From Jeff's twisted obsessive point of view, that was indeed a betrayal.For the first time, he tasted dashed hopes. Now he knew what drew him back to school, to the quiet glade where his youthful mistakes had been made.He had to face the emptiness of endless loss again, only this time on a more complex level.This time he knew that he would not lose control under the pressure of unbearable pain.There are no bridges left to destroy, and despite his daughter's death, Jeff must learn to move forward, to create and build when he knows it's impossible. At 10:45 p.m. Friday night, at least two dozen couples were embracing in the shadows outside Harris College.They hugged each other cheek to cheek, enjoying some fiery intimacy in the final minutes before the watchful matron called the young girls into their dorms.Jeff and Judy sat on stone chairs some distance from the snuggling couple.She's in a bad mood. All because of Frank.Medoc, right?It's all his idea, right?I know it is. Jeff shook his head.I tell you, I suggested it to him. Judy wasn't listening at all.You shouldn't be hanging out with him, I knew it was going to happen.He thought he was cool, that he was a sophisticated adult.He's putting on airs, can't you see that? Honey, that's not his fault.The whole thing was my idea, and it will work out well.You'll find out tomorrow. oh how do you knowA cold night wind blows.She pulled her hand away from his and pulled her rabbit fur coat tighter.You're not even old enough to bet yourself, you have to ask him to help you. I know exactly what I'm doing.Jeff laughed. Of course, you know full well that you're going to put all your money into it, and you know you're going to sell your car.I still can't believe that you sold the car to bet on the horses. I will buy a new one tomorrow afternoon.You can go with me and help me choose.What car do you like, Jaeger or Corvette? Don't be silly, Jeff.You know, I always thought I knew you well, but this time The night wind picked up a fallen dogwood bud, and it fell on Judy's hair.He reached out to take down the flower, and his gesture became a caress.She softened at his touch, and he slid the white petals down her cheeks, pressed lightly on her lips, and tapped his own. Oh dear, she whispered softly, leaning closer to him, I don't mean to reproach you.It's just this thing that worries me, I can't Shh, he said, taking her face in both hands, nothing to worry about, I promise. but you don't know He quieted her down with a kiss, until a shrill female voice interrupted, five minutes left for the gate! He walked her to the brightly lit front door of the dormitory, as many girls hurried past them.So, he said, do you want to go shopping with me tomorrow? Well, Jeff, she sighed, I have a term report tomorrow afternoon, and if you come over about seven o'clock, I'll get you a burger first at Dooley's.Don't be too upset if you lose, at least it's a good lesson. Got it, ma'am.He grinned.I will definitely take note of it. The parking boy in a red uniform parked the rack in the Royal Carriage Restaurant for them.Jeff slipped a twenty-dollar tip to the sommelier, and no one asked Judy's age when he ordered a magnum of Moët & Chandon. To Shaddock.After the champagne was poured into the glass, Jeff toasted. Judy hesitated for a moment, and the wine glass she was holding stopped in mid-air.I'd rather toast to tonight.she said. They clinked glasses and sipped the wine.Judy looked stunning tonight in a dark blue plunging gown she bought for a spring formal, looking somewhere between a dress-up girl and a very sexy woman.He had given up on her too early, when he was looking for a woman whose life experience could match.This is of course impossible.Now he blissfully basks in the warm frankness that comes from her innocence, as opposed to Shara's cheap lust or Diane's cold, worldly manner.This innocence is worth cherishing, not rejecting. The restaurant served typical high-end American fare, and there were no special dishes on the menu, but Judy seemed interested and was clearly trying to appear like a mature adult.Jeff ordered lobster for her and prime rib for himself.She kept an eye on which fork he used for salads and appetizers, and Jeff loved her unabashed clumsiness. While drinking liqueur after dinner, Jeff handed her a Claude. S．Box from Bennett Jewelers.Judy unwrapped it, stared at the perfectly cut two-carat diamond ring for a moment, then burst into tears. I can't charge it.She whispered, then carefully closed the box and put it back on the table in front of Jeff.I just can't take it. I thought I heard you say you like it. I like it, she said, oh shit, so much. So what's wrong?If you think we're too young, we can wait a year or two, but I want it to be a formal project now. She wiped away her tears with a napkin, staining what little makeup she had put on.Jeff wanted to kiss the tears off her cheeks, want her to be completely intoxicated by his kiss, like a big cat licking a kitten. Paula said you hadn't been to class for weeks and she told Jeff she said you might even get expelled. Jeff smiled happily, and he took her hand.Is there nothing else?It doesn't matter my dear.I'm not going to college anyway.I just won seventeen thousand dollars, and I can still win in October. Listen, nothing to worry about.We'll have lots and lots of money, I can guarantee that. How did it work?she asked sarcastically.gamble?Are we going to gamble for a living? I would invest, he told her, in perfectly legal business ventures like IBM, Xerox, and Be realistic, Jeff.You had really good luck betting on the horses this time, but now you suddenly feel that you can get lucky and make a lot of money in the stock market.Well, what if the stock price goes down?What if the economy tanks or something else happens? Will not.he said quietly. You don't expect it, my dad said I don't care what your daddy says.nothing will happen She put down the napkin she was holding and pushed back the chair.Well, I care what my parents say.I didn't even dare to think, how would they react if I told them I was going to marry an eighteen-year-old boy who dropped out of school to become a gambler? Jeff was speechless.Of course, she was right.In her eyes, he must have looked like an irresponsible fool.Explaining to her what he was doing was a terrible mistake, and he had learned his lesson. He tucked the ring back into his coat pocket.I won't give up, he said, and maybe I'll think about dropping out again, too. Her eyes were wet again, blue pupils gleaming with tears.Please reconsider, Jeff.I don't want to lose you, especially not for such crazy reasons. He squeezed her hand.One day you'll wear that ring, he said, and you'll be proud of it and me. They were married at First Baptist Church in Rockwood, Tennessee, in June of 1968, a week after Jeff received his MBA and just four days before he and Linda met.They had met twice in his other life, with very different endings.Lockwood is Judy's hometown, and after the wedding, her parents threw a large roast at their summer home near Waterby Lake.Jeff noticed that his father's cough was getting worse and he was smoking one BMW after another, but at that time he would not heed his son's pleas to quit the habit.It wasn't until he was diagnosed with emphysema, but that was years later.Jeff's mother seemed happier than at his wedding to Linda and Diane, though she certainly had no memory of either occasion.His sister, a shy fifteen-year-old with braces, accepted Judy right away. The Gordons accepted Jeff into their circle just as wholeheartedly.He has successfully transformed himself into the image of the perfect son-in-law: twenty-three years old, well-educated, hard-working, responsible young man.They left a small savings for the newlyweds and a conservative but steadily profitable stock portfolio in his and Judy's names. This is not an easy task.Five years of school life is enough for him. He has to force himself to revisit the things he has lost long ago, read books, hand in reports, take exams, etc., but the most difficult thing is to try not to become too rich.When he was this age last time, he was already a young talent in the financial industry, the main partner of a very powerful enterprise group.However, being suddenly surrounded by vast wealth can overwhelm Judy, or cause major problems between the two.So he gave up the Belmont Marseille and the World Series bets entirely, and took great pains to turn down many highly profitable investments that he could have easily made millions of dollars from. This time, he and Frank parted ways shortly after the KFC Derby.Frank, who didn't know it, only cooperated with him once, and it was enough to climb the peak of success.He had finished Columbia Law School and was now a young attorney for a firm in Pittsburgh. Jeff and Judy borrowed money with a mortgage to buy a cozy little faux-colonial house on Trevor Bridge Road in Atlanta, and Jeff rented a four-room house in a building he once owned near Five Star. office.Five days a week, he drove into town in a suit and tie, Judy, said good morning to his secretary and colleagues, and then locked himself in his office, where he read.He read Sophocles, Shakespeare, Proust, Faulkner, all the works he should have read long ago but never had time to chew. At the end of the day, he would hastily write some memos and hand them over to his partners, suggesting that maybe they don’t need to take the risk of investing in some companies whose strength has not been proven by the market, such as Sony, but they should still invest in some safe targets based on the principle of continuous growth. Like AT&T.Jeff carefully steered the small company around investments that would skyrocket its fortunes, ensuring that he and his colleagues could comfortably remain upper-middle-class without attracting too much attention.His partners often followed his advice; losses were usually recouped by gains when advice was not taken, so the net effect was always what Jeff expected. In the evenings he and Judy would curl up in their den and watch a TV series like "Life Is Laughing" or "Invincible Rules" and maybe play Scrabble before bed.On warm weekends, they go boating on Lake Rainier, play tennis, or hike the nature trails at Callaway Gardens. They lead a peaceful, orderly, and quite normal life.Jeff was very content.Without moments of ecstasy, he never experienced the complete intoxication of watching his daughter Ge Liqian grow up in the Dutchess County manor, but he felt happy and peaceful.For the first time, his long and chaotic life can be described with minimalism and lack of commotion. Jeff dug his toes into the sand, propped himself up on his elbows, and shaded his forehead with one hand.Judy was asleep on the blanket next to him, her crooked fingers still clutching a copy of the Jaws novel.He kissed her half-parted lips lightly. How about some pineapple cocktail?Jeff asked as she woke up stretched.We have half a bottle left. Well, I just want to lie here like this for almost twenty years. Then you'd better turn around every six months. She turned to look at her right shoulder and saw that it had been sunburned.She turned face up toward him, and he kissed her again, longer and deeper this time. Another couple a few yards away was listening to the radio when the music stopped and an announcer with a Jamaican accent began to announce John.Dean's testimony at the Watergate hearings interrupted Jeff's kiss. Love you.Judy said. love you.As he answered, he touched the tip of her nose, which was pink from the sun.He loves her, God knows how much he loves her. Jeff took six weeks off each year to fit in with his pretended regular work schedule.This imposed restriction, on the contrary, made this time more sweet.They cycled through Scotland last year, and this summer they plan to take a hot air balloon tour of the French wine country.But at this moment, with the woman who brought sobriety and joy to his shattered life, he couldn't think of a better place than the North Shore resort of Jamaica, Outjo.Leo attracted him even more. Would you like a necklace for the pretty lady, sir?The necklace is beyond beautiful. The Jamaican boys who peddled the necklaces were no older than eight or nine.Dozens of exquisite shell necklaces and bracelets hang on his arms, and a cloth bag tied around his waist is inserted with earrings made of the same colorful shells. How much is this one? Eight shillings. I bought it for a pound six shillings. The boy raised his eyebrows, confused.hello, are you crazy, sir?You should lower the price, not pay more. Then two quid. I won't argue with you, sir.This necklace is yours now.The boy hurriedly took the necklace from his arm and handed it to Judy.If you still want to buy, I have a lot of goods.Everyone on the beach knows me, my name is Rainer. OK, Rainer.Nice to do business with you.Jeff handed him two little one-pound notes, and the boy smiled and skipped away. Judy puts on the necklace and shakes her head in mock displeasure. Shame on you, she said, for taking advantage of a child. I can do it even harder.Jeff laughed.In a little while, I might bid four or five pounds. Judy lowered her head to adjust the position of the necklace, but when she met Jeff again, her eyes were full of sadness.You're so destined for children, she said, and my only regret is that we didn't Jeff put his finger lightly on her lips. You are my baby, everything I need. He would never have told her, or even given her a chance to guess, that he had had a vasectomy not long after they started having sex in 1966.He will never create a new life again, just like he once created Ge Liqian, just to watch her existence be erased for nothing.Ge Liqian doesn't even exist in anyone's memory except Jeff.Under the slightest chance, his life may be destined to start over again, and he is unwilling to leave the people he loved and created in the country that has been absolutely forgotten. Jeff, I've been wondering. He looked back at Judy and tried to hide the pain and guilt in his heart.What kind of matter? Maybe we can stop answering right away and give ourselves a moment to consider that I'm thinking we could adopt.He looked at her, speechless for a while.He saw the love on her face, how much she wanted to express it in any way. Adopted children, he thought, might not be as deeply traumatic as his own.Even if he gradually fell in love with those children, he was not responsible for their birth into this world.Whoever they are, they already existed, were born.The worst could happen, and they would still live on, albeit with a different life ahead of them. Well, he told her, well, I'd love to. The boarding station is at a place called Ensford, on the southern edge of the Great Appalachian Forest, near the point where the South meets North Carolina and the North tip of Georgia.There were six inflatable boats in all: black, bulky things that were inflated at the base before being dragged to the Shatuga River.Jeff, Judy, and their adopted child were on the boat with a pretty gray-haired woman and a guide who looked about college age, with sunburned faces and arms. As the dinghy slipped into the slow-flowing, clear water, Jeff reached out and tightened the lifejacket on April's thin body.Seeing this act full of fatherly love, Du En also fastened his life jacket, a manly firmness appeared in his childish eyes. Aibo is a charming little blond girl who was severely abused by her biological parents; her brother is a warm, cheerful boy whose parents were killed in a traffic accident.The names of the children are not necessarily what Jeff or Judy wanted, but they were adopted when they were six and four years old, so it is better not to change their names, so as not to disturb their identities. Daddy, look!It's a deer!Aibo pointed to the distant river bank, her face glowing with excitement.The deer looked back at them contentedly, as if it would run away if necessary.But obviously he didn't want to interrupt the meal just because he saw these strange people. The forested banks on both sides soon began to rise and gradually became rocky gorge.As the canyon deepened and the river picked up speed, the rubber boat team soon entered the first section of rapids.The children shouted with joy as the boat rolled and swayed in the sinking water. Jeff looked at Judy as the boat floated smoothly downstream again through the rough water.He saw with satisfaction that her anxious face had become as cheerful as the children's.She'd been apprehensive about bringing the kids here, but Jeff didn't want to deprive them of the joy of exhilarating entertainment. The expedition landed on a small island, and Judy brought out her lunch in a waterproof box.Jeff munched on a drumstick and drank a cold beer as he watched April and Doon explore the wedge-shaped island.Jeff was always fascinated by children's curiosity and imagination; through their eyes, he began to re-evaluate the old world.When he and Judy decided to adopt them, he got in at the right time and bought some Apple and Atari stock, just the right amount Enough to raise their family income several notches.They bought a bigger house in West Perry Deer.The house has a large backyard with a pond and three large oak trees.The best environment for kids. The rubber boat team set off again, sailed down about a mile and rushed into another section of larger rapids.Even in the blue zone of the voyage, the current was much stronger than before, but Jeff saw that his wife had dropped her fear of the river and lost in its beauty and thrills.She held Jeff's hand tightly as the boat raced past the Niushuimen Falls, and the rafting trip drew to a close, with the river calming down again and the sun fading behind the pine trees. April and Doon looked sad to see the bus parked there waiting to take them back to Atlanta, but Jeff knew their adventure was just beginning, like summer.He will soon be taking his family on a two-month vacation, driving leisurely through France and Italy.He plans a trip to Japan next year, and he will also take them to China, which has just opened up, to see this vast country.Jeff wanted them to see it all, to fully experience the magnificence and wonder the world has to offer.However, he was still secretly afraid that these memories and all the love he had given would soon be wiped out by an inexplicable force. Three days later, the area on his chest where the electrodes were attached was extremely itchy, but he would not let the EKG electrodes come off, not even for a minute. The nurses treated him with contempt; Jeff knew how they felt.Thinking they were out of his hearing range, they laughed at him together.They resent the fact that they have to care for a perfectly healthy hypochondriac occupying a precious hospital bed. His doctor felt more or less the same way, and made it clear enough.But Jeff made the same urge anyway.After finally donating a substantial sum to the hospital building fund, he was finally granted permission to stay in the hospital for a week. The third week of October, 1988.If anything is going to happen, it is now. hi honey how do you feelJudy was wearing a burgundy autumn gown and her hair was piled loose on top of her head. Itchy, everything else is fine. There was a hint of slyness in her smile that was unusual in her innocent face. Where do you want me to help you catch it? Jeff laughed.I want, too.But I think we'll have to wait a few more days until I'm untied. All right.She said that she still had two shopping bags in her hand, the bags of Oxford Books and Turtle Records.These can give you something to do during this time. She brings the latest Chavez.McKee series of novels, Dick.Francis' mystery novels (this is the reading hobby he developed during this period of life), plus an Andre.A new biography of Mahou, a history of the Cunard cruise line (Dick Francis), a retired British jockey and horse racing crime novelist, has published dozens of novels set in horse racing; Andr Malraux, a famous French writer and quite influential political figure , a cultural person. His work "la Condition humaine" won the French Goncourt Literature Prize; Cunard shipping line is one of the oldest transoceanic cruise lines in the world. In 2009, the shipping company under the name of Cunard no longer exists.).另一個袋子裡裝了十幾張盒裝音樂光碟，從巴哈、韋瓦第到數位技術轉錄的《胡椒中士》專輯（譯註：《胡椒中士的寂寞芳心俱樂部樂團》（Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band）是英國樂團披頭四一九六七年發行的第八張錄音室專輯，錄製時使用的仍是磁帶式錄音機設備。）。她將一片閃亮亮的音樂光碟放進隨身播放器中，放在他床邊，帕海貝爾D大調卡農的美妙旋律便在病房中迴盪。 茱蒂他的聲音不能連續。他清了清喉嚨後再開口。我只想要妳知道我一直是多麼愛妳。 她以慎重的聲調回答，卻藏不住眼神中的警覺。我希望我們會一直相愛，到很久很久以後。 很久很久。，茱蒂皺皺眉頭，想說話，但被傑夫的噓聲制止了。她俯過身親吻他，當她的手和傑夫的相遇時，它正顫抖著。 趕快回家，她在他耳邊低語，我們甚至還沒開始呢。 茱蒂離開病房到醫院的咖啡廳吃午餐後約一小時後，事情就發生了。傑夫很高興她沒有在場目睹。即便處於痛苦中，傑夫還是看得見心電圖狂跳時護士臉上的驚愕表情。但她隨即做出專業反應，絲毫不耽誤地召集醫師做緊急救命處理。不出幾秒，傑夫就被整個醫療團隊包圍，他們邊在他身上急救，邊大聲下達著指令並回報狀況。 一西西腎上腺素！ 碳酸氫納兩安培？給我三百六焦耳電擊！ 後退後退砰！ 心搏過速！血壓八十有脈搏反應。兩百瓦特電擊，靜脈注射利卡因七十五微克，開始！ 注意心室顫動。 重複注射腎上腺素、碳酸氫納，去顫器三百六焦耳。後退後退砰！ 一次又一次，急救人員的聲音和光線漸漸微弱。傑夫想要怒吼，這一切並不公平，這次他還沒有完全準備好。但他叫不出來，甚至哭不出來，除了再死一次，他什麼也不能。 傑夫再次醒來，他坐在馬汀．貝利的考威爾後座，身旁是茱蒂。十八歲的茱蒂、一九六三年的茱蒂，那時他們甚至還沒相戀、結婚、建立家庭。 parking! 等一下，老兄。我們快回到女生宿舍了。I can 我說停車！現在就停車！ 馬汀困惑地搖頭，把車子停在歷史大樓後的奇果圓環。茱蒂將手放在傑夫手臂上想讓他冷靜下來，但他猛地甩開她，然後一把推開車門。 老天，你在搞什麼鬼？馬汀大吼，但傑夫已經衝出車子奔跑起來，他也不管什麼方向，只是狂奔，去哪裡不重要。 一切都不重要了。 他飛快跑過四邊形院落，經過化學和心理大樓，年輕強壯的心臟在他胸中用力敲打著，彷彿在幾分鐘前以及二十五年後的未來，心臟都不曾也不會背叛他。他不由自主地讓雙腳帶領自己經過了生物大樓、穿越皮爾斯道一角及亞客來特路。最後他踉踉蹌蹌地跪倒在足球場中央，抬頭用朦朧的雙眼看著天上的群星。 肏你媽的！他用盡全身力氣朝著無情的天空高喊，喊出他在臨終病床上無能為力表達的絕望。禽你媽的！你為什麼要這樣對我！