Chapter 19 Chapter Nineteen

The first sight Pamela saw was the blue jays, nesting in the elms in the backyard, fluttering out of the kitchen window.She watched the colorful birds flying in the air, took a few deep breaths slowly to calm herself down, and then began to observe the surrounding environment and walk around. She was making coffee and was just putting the filter in the machine.This is a comfortable kitchen, which she is familiar with.It was different from the kitchen in her previous life, but she still had a deep memory of it. This was the kitchen she had in her first life before her rebirth.She didn't spend long time here when she was reborn last time, and she was mostly busy painting and sculpting in the studio; the hired maid had far more influence on the style of the kitchen than she did.Now, the imprint of her personality can be seen everywhere in this place, at least the style that belongs to her first life.

A book of Barbara .Cattelan's novel, with a copy of Home Design and Garden magazine next to it.Small magnets in the shape of corn or celery stick to the refrigerator door with assorted briefings and memos.A sketch she had made of her children was taped to a cabinet; it was well drawn, but lacked the finesse in shading and composition that had been acquired through years of practice in other lifetimes.A large monthly calendar was hung above the dining table. It turned to March 1984, and the dates before the end of the month were neatly crossed out.Pamela was thirty-four years old.Her daughters, Kimberly, had just turned eight, and Christopher eleven.

She put the coffee filter aside and was about to leave the kitchen when something made her stop and a smile appeared on her face.She opened the lower drawer under the counter table and rummaged behind the boxes of flour and rice. There it was, where it always had been hidden: it was a Ziploc bag containing an ounce or so marijuana and a pack of rolling papers.Her personal vice at the time, the only time she could really escape the drudgery of housework and parenting responsibilities was when she smoked marijuana. Pamela put the bag of marijuana back in its place and went into the living room.A family photo hangs in the living room, along with two paintings from her college days.The talent revealed in these works has never been given the opportunity to develop in this lifetime.Why did she let her talents go to waste for so long?

She heard faint music upstairs, Cindy.Lubo is singing "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" with her cartoonish, cheerful voice.Kimberly must be out of school, and Christopher is probably in his room playing with his Mac II that they gave him for Christmas that year. She sat in a chair in the foyer, took a pencil and a note pad from the telephone desk, and began calling to look up the registration numbers for New York City.Neither Manhattan nor Queens could be found registering as Jeff or Jeffrey.There is no information about Winston's people, either Linda or L.winston.The odds were slim anyway, and there was really no reason to think he would go back to New York.Pamela tried the directory again, this time for Orlando.His parents' phone number was listed on the file, and she called, and it was Jeff's mother who answered.

Hello, my name is Pamela.phillips, i Oh my gosh!Jeff told us you'd be in touch with him, but man, that was years ago.Three years ago, I thought, four years is possible.The woman visibly turned her face away from the microphone, her voice trailed off, and Pamela heard her calling out to the person next to her: Honey!It's the Phillips girl that Jeff said he'd call, you remember?Can you help me find the envelope he sent?After she finished speaking, she returned to the microphone. Pamela?Hold on a second, honey, Jeff left a note for you.My husband is finding it out. Thanks.Can you tell me where Mrs. Jeff is?Where does he live now?

He lives in California, in a small town called Montgomery Creek, um, outside the town, he said near Oregon. Well, said Pamela, I know the place. He told you to know.But you know what, he doesn't even have a phone there, can you imagine?I was so worried, what should I do in case of an emergency?But he said he had a short-wave radio and he could use that for urgent matters.I really don't know what he is thinking, a big man, not only quit his job, left his wife, but also oh, I'm so sorry.I hope I didn't say what I shouldn't have said Mrs. Winston, it's all right.real.

Anyway, this thing is pretty outrageous, anyway.It's conceivable to happen to a college lad, but for a man his age he's almost forty, you know, thanks, honey.Pamela?I found the envelope he sent.He wants us to open it and read it to you. Are you going to get a pen and paper? It's all ready. OK, let me see uh.You may feel that after waiting for so long and being so secretive, he should have more things to tell you. What is written in the letter? Only one line was written.He said, remember to bring the children when you come.I love you, Jeff.That's it.Did you hear me clearly?Shall I read it to you again?

No.A big smile gradually spread on her suddenly flushed cheeks.Thank you very much, but I fully understand the meaning of the letter. She put down the phone and looked up the stairs.Kimberly and Christopher were old enough that they wouldn't like the idea of ​​leaving home at first, but she knew they would soon fall in love with Montgomery Creek and Jeff. And, Pamela thought, biting her lip, not for long.Before they go to high school, they will be back in New York, back to their father. three and a half years.Her last rebirth, the last years of her mysteriously prolonged life. She decided to enjoy this life to the fullest.

It rained endlessly, with no sign of stopping, dull and amazingly persistent. They have been stuck at home by the rain for two days.Things started to get moldy, and Christopher hung the leather vest on the balcony railing overnight, and took it in the next morning to dry by the fire, and now the leather vest is moldy, and the air is full of that smell. Kimberly!Pamela's voice was annoyed with exasperation.May I ask you not to beat the plate like a drum! She can't hear you.Christopher said he leaned over the table and pulled the small foam earphone off his sister's left ear, Mom told you not to do that.He yelled into her ear, so as to overwhelm the small voice coming from the earphones, it was Madonna's "Like a Virgin".

In fact, I want you to turn off the music, said Pamela, it would be very rude of you to listen to the music while everyone is eating lunch. The girl grimaced angrily and pursed her lips, but obediently took off the earphones and put the Walkman aside.I want to drink another glass of milk.The girl said in a willful tone. We're out of milk, Jeff reminded her, I'm going into town tomorrow morning and I'll be back with some milk.You can come with me if you want, and the rain may have stopped by then, so we can go for a walk by the waterfall. I've seen the falls, Kimberly muttered, and I want to watch MTV.

Jeff smiled generously.You're out of luck, girl, he said, but we can listen to the radio and see what's going on in China or Africa right now. I don't bother with China or Africa!I'm boring! Let's talk then, Pamela suggested, and you know, that's how people used to pass the time. Yeah, that's right, muttered Christopher, how do they have so much to talk about? Sometimes they tell stories.Jeff cut in. this is a good idea.Pamela's face suddenly brightened.Do you want to hear me tell a story? God, Mom, please!Christopher protested.What do you think of us, kindergarten kids? I don't know, Kimberly said, a little moved by the idea, maybe a story would be fun too.It's been a long time since we heard a story. Would you like to at least listen to it?Pamela asked her son.He shrugged noncommittally. Well, she started, thousands of years ago, there was a dolphin named Setacia.One day she suddenly had a strange realization in her mind, which seemed to be conveyed to her from the sky above her head and beyond.At that time, dolphins and humans sometimes talked to each other, but So, accompanied by the continuous summer rain, she told the children the story of "Xing Hai", about the hope of love that connects the earth, the ocean and the intelligent creatures on the planet. This loss brings a pathos and a human depth to this moment of ecstasy when the connection is made. The children fidgeted impatiently at first, but became more and more fascinated as the story went on.Their mother recreated in words the movie that won her worldwide acclaim and led to her union with Jeff.When she finished, Kimberly sobbed, but there was a transcendent ecstasy in her young eyes; Christopher looked away from the window, and there was a long silence. Shortly before dusk, a ray of sunlight suddenly pierced the cloud-covered sky. Jeff and Pamela stood on the balcony outside the house, watching the sunlight slowly disappear.The children chose to stay inside the house.Kimberly borrowed some watercolors from Pamela and was painting stars and dolphins, while Christopher was immersed in John.Lilly's book. The ever-changing lights play and dance lively among the rain-soaked grass, thousands of crystal raindrops inlaid on the freshly mowed grass, like dusty gems shining among the green fire.Jeff stood behind Pamela, with his arms around her waist and his cheek against her hair.At the moment before the sun disappeared, he whispered in her ear, it was a line from Blake's poem: Every sand is a world, he whispers, and every flower is a heaven. With her hands pressed against Jeff's, she whispered the rest of the verse: Infinity in the palm of your hand, she said, a moment is an eternity. The towing plane taxied to the fixed point, the fuselage gradually came to a stop, and while the engine was still running, the boy in charge of the rope ran up to fasten the 200-foot-long nylon rope on the glider to the Cessna light aircraft parked in front on the tail hook. Christopher, would you like to check the controls of the plane for me?Jeff said to the boy sitting in the cadet seat in front of him. Of course I want to.Pamela's son answered in a serious tone.He was proud to be involved in the preparations rather than just waiting for a ride, and there was seriousness in his tone.The boy moved the glider control stick left and right, and the ailerons on both wingtips swung obediently.Then he pushed the stick back and forth, and Jeff turned his head to see if the tail elevator was beating up and down as directed.As Christopher's foot moved on the pedal, the directional snake wobbled.All the controls were working pretty well, and Jeff smiled in approval. The towing aircraft in front began to move forward bit by bit, slowly straightened the rope that was originally loosely connected between the two aircraft, and the pilot swung the rudder, signaling to ask if you are ready?Jeff also swung his rudder from side to side to answer.The Cessna pulled the glider behind it and began to move on the runway.The younger brother in charge of the wings trotted along on both sides, so as to keep the glider stable and let it move forward against the wind.Jeff kept an eye on the towing plane, judging by the horizon ahead to see if the wings were parallel.They gradually accelerated, quickly leaving the ground crew behind, Jeff pulled the stick back slightly, and they were airborne. Out of the corner of his eye Jeff noticed soft, puffy white cirrus clouds low near the base of the mountain ahead.This is a good sign, indicating that unstable moist air and thermals are forming.But there was no time to look at the clouds now, and he focused on the towing plane and the rope, keeping the nylon rope taut and straight, and followed the Cessna light aircraft smoothly around the turn. Now they came to the predetermined altitude, three thousand feet above the lower slope of the mountain.Jeff pressed the release button and watched the loosened traction rope whizzing forward like a rubber ring. When the towing aircraft turned left and flew down, he turned right to gain altitude.The Cessna headed for the small airport where they took off, the sound of the engine gradually faded away, and soon there was no other sound except the sound of the wind whizzing steadily past the glass plastic canopy.They are in smooth unpowered flight. Omg Jeff!It's amazing! Jeff had a smile on his face and nodded to Christopher who turned from his seat to look at him, the boy's eyes wide and bright.He turned the glider slowly and sharply, using the momentum left by the speed of the towing aircraft to raise the glider as high as possible.The white snowy peak of Mount Shasta, which seemed out of this world, gradually lowered to their left, and reappeared in front of them, like a beacon radiating sunlight, encouraging them to fly higher and higher.Jeff looked back to the southwest, and the town named after Mount Shasta was lying in the embrace of a vast ponderosa pine forest.A second single-engine Cessna was approaching them, towing another blue and white glider.Jeff circled slowly, waiting for another glider to join, and began to slow down to his normal cruising speed of between forty and forty-five miles an hour. When the second glider came within a mile or so of them, it broke free from the umbilical cord and circled in exactly the same way Jeff had just done, away from the powered tug.Christopher leaned his face against the clear glass plastic canopy as he watched the new glider swoop down on them and then glide smoothly alongside them. Pamela smiled and gave them a thumbs up from the pilot's seat in the back of the glider, and Kimberly in the front seat waved to Jeff and her brother with a look of excitement on her face. Jeff used the joystick to direct the two wings to tilt to the left, and at the same time lightly stepped on the left rudder pedal. After finishing the circle and gliding, he flew towards the huge balanced and symmetrical mountain of Mount Shasta.Pamela followed him, staying right behind him the entire time. As they flew closer, the snow-covered pine trees on the mountain seemed to be within reach, and the slopes beneath the forest seemed to grow steeper.A lonely deer happened to look up to the sky. It shivered in fright, and then stood there blankly looking at the silent giant bird circling not far above its head.A little further, about a quarter of a mile between them and the mountain, Christopher pointed excitedly at a sluggish black bear that didn't seem to notice the strange metallic creature flying low across the sky. In front of and at the summit of a prominent cliff in the rugged back of Mount Shasta there is a ridged updraft, a swirling updraft of air created by rebounding winds.Jeff and Pamela glided back and forth along the ridge for a few minutes, admiring the tranquil, pristine snow, so close it seemed you could just reach out and shovel a handful.Then Jeff noticed a thin band of cloud forming in the blue sky slightly to the east of the mountain.He broke the formation of flying side by side and flew towards the newly formed condensed air. When he was about to fly, he raised the tip of his left wing slightly, and immediately flew in that direction along with the wind.The whole glider began to lift upwards, he slowed down, made a sharp turn under control, and the glider rose rapidly, and flew higher and higher. Pamela below saw Jeff find the air current.She swerved away from the gentle updraft over the cliff and flew toward him.As Jeff and Kristoff continued to soar upward on the big updraft, her glider got smaller and smaller, and she got stuck in the tight confines of a thermal that couldn't escape a tight turn. Pamela kept spinning downwind of him, searching for air.Finally, she spotted the vague thermal, and as her glider flew swiftly and silently toward him, their distance grew closer, and she rose and rose until they soared side by side over Mount Shasta undisturbed by time. On the mysterious mountain peak, in the bright blue sky. Kimberly had stopped crying, she was picking autumn wildflowers outside, and she planned to take the bunch of flowers with her back home to the east.Christopher is learning to face parting with a man's attitude.He was fifteen, after all, and he'd long since imitated Jeff's way of facing adversity and laughing when he laughed; Mom, my hiking shoes won't fit in the suitcase. My dear, you don't need this in New York.said Pamela. I don't think so.But Dad might take us camping in the Berkshires, he said he would, and then I'd be able to wear them. May I send it to you then? Well no, it's okay.We'll be back before Christmas anyway and I'll have to send them back. Pamela nodded, turning her head away from her son's eyes. I know you want to take them, Jeff interjected, why not send the shoes and we'll get you another pair and put them here.If you want, we can send everything for you and buy another set to put here. Hey, that's a great idea!Christopher shouted excitedly, with a smile on his face. It makes sense to do so.Jeff said. That's right, if I live with Dad for half a year and you and Mom for half a year, is it okay?Mom, do you think this is okay? Sounds like a great idea.Pamela forced a smile. Why not make a list of all the things you want us to send over? good.Christopher walked to the two-room wing that Jeff had added to the cabin next to the two children, then stopped and turned around.Can I tell Kimberly?I bet she also has a bunch of stuff she wants to send back east. Of course, Pamela told him, but don't take too long.We have to be on the road to Redding in an hour or you'll miss your flight. We'll hurry, Mom.As he spoke, he ran outside to find his sister. Pamela turned to Jeff, weeping choked tears.I don't want them to leave.With only one month left, we're going to have him hug her and stroke her hair.We had discussed it before, he said softly to her, that it would be best to give them a few weeks to adjust to living with their father again, and to make new friends might lessen the shock for them. Jeff, she sobbed, I'm so scared!I don't want to die!I don't want to die forever, I He hugged her tightly, rocked her gently in the crook of his arm, felt the tears drip down his cheeks.Think about how we've lived, think about what we've done, and let's be grateful for it all. But we could have done so much more.we can Shh, he whispered, we've done everything we can.We've accomplished far more than we ever dreamed of when we started. She leaned back, searching his eyes eagerly, as if she was seeing them for the first or last time.I know, she sighs, it's just that I've grown so used to the endless possibilities, the endless hours of not being bound by our mistakes, always knowing that it can be done all over again, that we can make changes and make things better .But we didn't make things better, did we?We just make them different. A voice in the back of Jeff's consciousness murmured non-stop.Whose voice is that?What exactly does it say?unimportant. Pamela died and never came back.The thought hit him like sea water washing over an undressed wound, filling his heart with a great sadness that he had never felt since losing Ge Liqian.He clenched his fists and bowed his head in undeniable and unbearable grief, but the chanting voice continued to babble: See if Charlie can get Mel.Cole's comments on the trip to Ragenbitburg.It seems that this matter will really stir up quite a storm.We've got accusations from the Veterans Association, and people in Congress are starting to speak up.So Jeff?How are you? Um.He glanced up quickly.I am fine.continue. He was in the conference room of WFYI in New York, the all-news broadcast channel where he was news director when he first died.He sat at one end of the oblong table, flanked by the editors of the morning and midday news, and the announcers occupied the other chairs.He hadn't seen these people in decades, but he recognized the place, the occasion, right away.For many years, he needed to attend the same meeting every weekday morning to discuss the daily task assignments and plan the best news broadcast for the day together before work started.Jane En.Collins, the midday news editor who was speaking, frowned at him with concern. are you sure you are okWe can shorten the meeting, there is nothing to discuss. Go ahead, Jane.I'll be fine right away. okay.In short, the above is about subway reports and local news.In national news, we have the space shuttle that went up this morning, and which one?Jeff asked gruffly. What?Jane asked with a puzzled look. Which space shuttle? Discovery No.You know, the ship that carried the Senator. Thank goodness for that at least, and in the next moment after Pamela was gone for good, Jeff wasn't sure he'd be able to handle the chaos and low air pressure of the newsroom on the day of the Challenger disaster.At any rate, if he had been clearer, he would have known that Reagan's visit to Bitburg had taken place in the spring of 1985. So it must be sometime in April 1985, nine or ten months before the space shuttle accident. Everyone at the table looked at him strangely, wondering why he looked so distraught, so confused.Let him die.They can think whatever they like. Shall we focus on finishing the meeting, Jane? The news editor nodded and began to collect the scattered papers he had brought to the meeting.There is good news in Illinois about the withdrawal of a rape case.Dawson is going back to jail today, although his lawyers are preparing an appeal.That's all.Does anyone have a problem? It seems that the meeting of the Education Bureau may last for a long time today. An announcer said, I am not sure if I will be able to go to the news about the fire station awards at two o'clock.Do you want me to give up on the Education Bureau meeting earlier, or send someone else to interview the awards? jeff can youasked Collins, wanting to leave the matter to him. I have no opinion.You decide. Collins frowned again, trying to say something but couldn't.He turned to the announcer, who had already begun a group of whispers. Bill, you keep an eye on the news about the Education Bureau, you don't have to rush; Charlie, after visiting the mayor, go to the fire station ceremony.Give us an update on Coech's trip to Bitburg at 1:00.Then you can delay posting until after the ceremony.Oh, and Jimmy, the No. 4 machine is sent for repair, you take the No. 7 machine to it. The meeting ended in a quiet atmosphere, the usual one-liners and rowdy laughter were absent today.The announcer and the morning news editors on their way out file out of the conference room, and everyone sneaks a quick glance at Jeff.Jane En.Collins still kept it, constantly sorting through his papers. do you want to talkhe finally said. Jeff shook his head.Nothing to talk about.As I said, I'll be back in no time. Listen to me, if it's about Linda I want to talk, I can understand.You know Carlo and I had a rough time a few years ago.You stayed with me most of the time, God knows how much bitterness you listened to me.So whenever you want to sit down and have a beer and talk, just come to me. Thank you, Jane.Thank you for your concern, really.But I can only face this matter alone. Collins shrugged and stood up from the table.up to you.He said. However, if you want someone to confide in, come to me.I owe you. Jeff nodded briefly, and Collins left, now alone again.