Chapter 12 Chapter Twelve

I stood at the door and watched Dad sleep.The news came out that night, and the police concluded that Mr. Shamon was so sad that he went crazy and ran to the cornfield in the middle of the night to seek revenge.According to the police’s understanding, Mr. Shamon kept calling the police station, and he insisted that his neighbor was involved in a serious crime. In addition, Detective Fenemon told Mr. Shamon that morning that although the police intended to solve the case, the case had fallen into a deadlock. At the end of the day, the police tracked down all the clues, but my body was still missing. Therefore, the police decided to give up the investigation.These things make the police believe that their inference is correct.

Dad had a cracked kneecap that affected the joint and doctors had to cut it open and then stitch it up.I looked at the purse-sized stitches and thought, this looks like needlework.I hope the doctor who handles the knife is smarter than me. If my father sends it to me, it will be over. I am always clumsy in home economics class, and I can't figure out the front and back of the zipper. The doctor was very patient. While washing his hands vigorously, he listened to the nurse explaining the whole story to him.He remembered reading about me in the newspaper. He was about the same age as his father, and he had children himself. He pulled the gloves on his hands and couldn't help shivering.He has many similarities with the man in front of him, but his circumstances are vastly different.

It was dark in the ward, only the fluorescent lamp on Dad's bed gave off a faint light.Until dawn, before Linxi walked into the ward, there was only this faint light in the ward. Mom, sister and brother were awakened by the siren of the police car, and walked from the bedroom to the dark kitchen downstairs in a daze. Go wake your dad up, and mom says to Lindsey: I can't believe he's still asleep with all the noise. The younger sister went upstairs to find Dad, and everyone in the family knew where to find him, and within six months the green easy chair in the study had become his bed.

Dad is not in the study!As soon as Lindsay saw that her father was not there, she immediately yelled: "Daddy's gone, Mom!"mom!Dad is gone!Linxi was very flustered, with a rare fear in her tone. Damn it!Mom said. Mommy?Buckley said. Linxi rushed to the kitchen, and her mother stood in front of the stove preparing to boil water to make tea, her back seemed full of nameless anxiety. mom?Lindsay: We can't just sit here forever. Can't you see it?Mother's tea was half brewed, and she still had a tea bag in her hand. What? Mom put down the tea bag, turned on the stove, and turned to see Buckley snuggled up next to Lindsey, sucking his thumb nervously.

He ran to the man and got himself into trouble. We should go out and see, Ma, Lindsay said: We should go and help him. No. Mom, we must help Dad. Buckley, don't suck your fingers! The younger brother cried out in terror, and Lindsay looked at our mother as she reached out to pull Buckley closer to her. I'm going out to find him.Lindsay said. You must not do this, my mother said: when the time comes, he will come back naturally, and we don't care about anything. Mom, Lindsay said: What if he gets hurt? Buckley stopped crying. He looked at Lindsay and then at his mother. He knew what it meant to be hurt, and he knew who was missing in the family.Mom looked at Lindsay meaningfully and said: Let's stop talking, you can wait upstairs, or wait with me, it's up to you.Lindsey was speechless, staring at our mother, all she wanted was to run to the cornfields to find Dad.Dad and I were there, and suddenly she felt the focus of the family shift to the cornfield.Although she just wanted to run away, Barkley's warm body clung to her.

Buckley, she said: Let's go back upstairs, you can sleep with me. The little brother saw something strange: every time he got special treatment, the adults would definitely tell him the bad news after a while. As soon as the police called, Mom ran to the locker by the door, and he got hit by our own bat! She grabbed her coat, keys, and lipstick as she spoke. Lindsay had never felt so lonely, but she was also more responsible. Buckley couldn't stay at home alone, and she didn't know how to drive yet.Besides, don't everyone think that the wife should be by the husband's side?

The commotion in the cornfield woke up the neighbors, and Lindsey knew what she had to do. She called Nate's mother first, and then Samuel right away.Within an hour, Knight's mother came to the house and took Buckley, Hall.Hankel also parked in front of my house on his motorcycle.Clinging to Samuel's handsome older brother, riding a cool motorcycle for the first time should have been a joy, but all she could think about was our dad.Lindsey didn't see Mom when she walked into the room, just Dad and me.She walked to the side of the bed and sobbed quietly. The door of the ward was pushed open a little, and a tall and handsome Hall stood at the door.Hankel.

Lindsay, he said: I'll wait for you in the visitor's area, if you need me to drive you home, I'm outside. She turned her head and Hall saw the tears on her face.Hall, thank you, if you see my mom I will tell her you are here. Lindsay took her father's hand and carefully checked whether there was any movement from her father.I saw with my own eyes that Linxi became an adult overnight, and I heard her humming the nursery rhyme my father used to sing to us before Buckley was born: stone and bone; snow and frost; Seeds, peas, tadpoles. Paths, branches, gentle breezes, We all know who Dad misses!

He misses his two little girls, yeah, two little girls. Little girls know where they are, you know?do you know? I really hoped that my father would slowly smile when he heard this, but he took the medicine and floated in a hazy dream. The anesthetic covered him tightly like a solid wax paper, temporarily causing him to lose consciousness.In this psychedelic state, his daughter didn't die, her knee didn't break, but she couldn't hear her sweet singing. When the dead no longer miss the living, Fernie once said to me: The living can continue to live. What about the deceased?I asked: where are we going?

She would not answer my question. As soon as the police contacted Ryan.Fenemont, he rushed to the hospital immediately, and the caller said Abigail.Shamon looked for him. Dad was in the operating room and Mom anxiously paced around the nursing station.She put on a raincoat and drove to the hospital. In the raincoat, there were only thin pajamas for summer and the hooded shoes she usually wears in the backyard. She didn't take special time to arrange her hair, and there were no elastics in her pockets or purses. .The hospital parking lot was foggy, and she paused to examine her face, then expertly applied red lipstick in the darkness.

Ryan walked from one end of the hospital's white corridor, and when she saw his figure, she immediately felt relieved. Abigail.He walked up to his mother, saying hello as he walked. oh ryan.She said, she looked blank immediately after she finished speaking, as if she didn't know what to say next.She just wanted to call out his name, and what she wanted to say next was beyond words. Mom and Ryan held hands. The nurses in the nursing station glanced away and turned their heads away. Nurses are used to respecting other people's privacy. has special significance. Let's go to the visitor's area and talk.Ryan said, and then led his mother to the other end of the corridor. As they walked, Mom told him Dad was in surgery, and he told Mom what happened in the cornfield. He obviously thought the girl was George.Harvey. He thought Clarissa was George.Harvey?Mom stopped outside the visitor's area with a look of disbelief on her face. It was dark outside, Abigail, and I think he only saw the light of the girl's flashlight.I've been at your house this morning, and that's made the whole situation worse, making Jack even more convinced that Harvey was involved. How is Clarissa? She had some scratches and was discharged from the hospital after applying the medicine.She was crying and screaming, and she was quite hysterical.Alas, she was Suzy's friend, how could such an unfortunate coincidence happen? Hall lolled in a dark corner of the visitor's area, his feet straddling the hard hat he'd brought along for Lindsay.He sat up straight when he heard someone approaching. As soon as he saw my mom and a policeman approaching, he resumed his slouching posture, his shoulder-length hair covering his face, and he was pretty sure my mom didn't remember who he was. But Mom recognized the leather jacket Samuel had worn to our house, and for a moment she thought Samuel was here, but then she thought, Oh, this is his brother. Let's sit down.Ryan pointed to the plastic chairs on the other side of the visitor area. Let's go, Mom said: The doctor said it would be at least another hour before we heard anything. Where are you going? Do you have a cigarette? you know i have.Ryan said with a guilty smile.He wanted to read what she was thinking from his mother's eyes, and her mother looked elsewhere with misty eyes, as if she was thinking.He wished he could reach out and fix those big blue eyes, let them focus on this moment, and focus on himself. Well, let's find an exit. They found an exit to a concrete balcony not far from Dad's hospital room, on which a heating system had been placed.Although the space is small and the outside is a bit cold, the noise of the machines and the heat emitted make this place a small world of its own, and they feel far away from everyone.They smoked, stared at each other, and suddenly, both of them felt that their relationship had entered a new level.They didn't know why they had come to this point, but they were anxious to say something. How did your wife die?Mom asked. suicide. Her hair covered most of her face in a way that reminded me of Clarissa's coy look.When we went shopping together, she would act like this whenever she saw boys, she would smirk a little too much, and wink at them to see what they were looking at.At this time, my mother put on red lipstick, held a cigarette in her mouth, and spit out circles of smoke from her mouth, which surprised me.I only saw this side of my mother in the photos I took secretly, and this mother didn't see us children in her eyes. Why did she commit suicide? I often think about why your daughter was murdered and things like that, and when I don't think about it, it's the question you're asking. A strange smile suddenly appeared on my mother's face. say it again.she says. What more?Ryan looked at her smile, and really wanted to reach out and grab it, so that the smile would stay on his fingertips. My daughter was murdered.Mom said. Abigail, how are you? No one said that, the neighbors faltered, everyone said it was a terrible tragedy, but all I wanted was someone to tell me the truth loud and clear.I wasn't mentally prepared before, and now I can face the truth and tell me out loud that it's okay. Mom dropped the cigarette on the concrete floor, leaving the butt to burn.She put her arms around Ryan's face. Speak.she says. Your daughter was murdered. Thanks. There seemed to be an invisible line between my mother and the rest of the world. At this moment, I watched her bright red lips move slowly and quietly cross this line.She pulled Ryan closer and kissed his lips slowly. He seemed a little hesitant at first, his body stiffened, as if telling himself no, but the resistance became weaker and weaker, until it became like Air was sucked into the humming heater beside him.She unbuttoned the raincoat, and he put his hand on her pajamas, stroking the tulle on her body. Mom has to feel irresistible.When I was a child, I saw men kneel down under her skirt. When we went to the supermarket to buy vegetables, the clerk often offered to help us find things on the shopping list and help us move things to the car.She and Luana.Singer is recognized as a beautiful mother by her neighbors. Every man who meets her can't help smiling. When she asks them questions, they almost respond to their requests. But only Dad can make her laugh.She laughed non-stop, and every corner of the house was filled with her laughter. Strangely, she thought it was very good, and she didn't care about her ladylike image. When we were kids, Dad worked overtime or worked his lunch break to accrue time off, so he could come home early every Thursday.Sundays are family time, and Thursday nights are mom and dad time, and both Lindsay and I know to be good, to be on the other side of the house quietly, and not to peek.At that time, Dad's study was still very empty, and we usually stayed in it to play. Mom helps us take a bath around two o'clock in the afternoon. It's bath time!She announced in a singing voice that sounded like she was taking us out, and at first it felt like it was, as we scrambled to our respective rooms, put on our bathrobes, and met in the hallway.Mom leads the way, and the mother and daughter three walk hand in hand to our pink bathroom. Mom majored in Greek mythology in college, and she often told us fairy tales when we were kids.She told us stories about Persephone and Zeus, and bought us picture books of ancient Navian gods. We often had nightmares after reading them.She fought hard with her grandma, and her grandma let her go to the graduate school. She got a master's degree in the Department of English and thought about being a teacher. She planned to find a teaching position after we were old enough to take care of ourselves. Bath time and Greek mythology have become hazy memories, but I clearly remember my mother's wistful expression. She once had a dream, but real life deprived her of it. Looking at her, I can almost feel her complicated mood.As her eldest daughter, I always felt that I deprived her of opportunities, because of me, she couldn't pursue the life she wanted. Mom carried Lindsey out of the bathtub first, and while she was drying her body, she listened to her chattering about rubber ducks.Then it was my turn. Although we all wanted to keep quiet, the warm bath water relaxed our young hearts. We told our mothers everything on our minds, and we scrambled to tell which boy was playing tricks on us and which neighbor had a dog. Puppies, why can't we have a puppy, etc., my mother listened carefully, as if keeping our words in her heart for future reference. Well, do the important things first, she said decisively: You two should take a good nap first! Mom and I helped Lindsey cover the quilt first, and I stood by the bed while Mom kissed my sister on the forehead and helped her push the hair off her face.I think I've been competing with my sister since then, we always care about who mom kisses longer, who mom stays with her longer after the shower. Fortunately, I always have the upper hand on the latter.Looking back now, I realize how lonely my mother was, especially after we moved into this house and she became even lonelier.Since I was the eldest daughter and spent the longest time with her, I became her closest friend. Although I was too young to understand what she said to me, I loved falling asleep to her soft words.Thankfully, in heaven I can go back and relive those moments and meet my mom again.I reached across the yin and yang world and gently took my young, lonely mother's hand in a way I would never have had the chance to do before. She described the Helen of Greek mythology to my four-year-old me: She was bright and energetic, and she made a mess of things.She commented on Margaret, who advocated birth control.Sanger: Susie, everyone judges her by her appearance, because she looks like a little mouse, so everyone thinks she's useless.She is to feminist Gloria.Steinen's comment: I know it's a bad thing to say, but I wish she had a manicure.She also gossips about my neighbors: that idiot in leggings, who's being stalked by her Mr. Asshole, these typical rednecks who have prejudices about everything. Do you know who Persephone is?She asked me absent-mindedly one Thursday afternoon, and I didn't answer, and by then I knew I was supposed to be quiet when Mom carried me into the bedroom.The moments in the bathroom were Lindsy and I, my sisters talking non-stop, almost everything, while Mom dried us off, and once we got back in my room it was Mom's time. She took the towel, hung it on my bedpost, and imagined Mrs. Tarkin as the Empress, she said, opening a drawer in the wardrobe and handing me the panties.She always puts the clothes I want to wear next to each other and never urges me. She has already observed my habits. I don’t like being urged. If I know someone is watching me tie my shoelaces, I can't even fit my shoes well. She is wearing a white gown that hangs from her shoulders like a bedsheet.The material of the gown is very good, either shiny or light as silk.She wears sandals made of gold, surrounded by flaming torches She went to the drawer to help me with my underwear, absently pulling it over my head instead of letting me dress myself as usual.Whenever this happened to me, I always took the opportunity to be a little baby again, and I was obediently at her mercy, without protesting that I was a big girl and didn't need help.On those peaceful afternoons, I just listened quietly to my mysterious mother. I stood in the corner of the bedroom and waited for her to help me spread the sheets. She always looked at her watch and said to me: Well, let's play for a while, then take off your shoes and get under the covers with me. We, mother and daughter, reveled in this moment, she was absorbed in the story and I was lost in her words. She told me fairy tales about Persephone's mother, Demeter, the god of agriculture, and Cupid, the god of love, and I fell asleep after listening to them.Sometimes I was woken up by the sound of my parents talking next to my bed, or the sound of their love in the afternoon. I lay half asleep and half awake on the bed, listening to the vague voice: Dad told the story of the sailing boat, I like it Pretending to be on a warm boat, our family sailed through the sea with the waves gently lapping the hull.After a while, amidst the laughter and vague groans of my parents, I fell asleep again. In this way, my mother stole half a day of leisure, and vaguely retained her dream of returning to the workplace.But by the time I was ten and Lindsey was nine, all those little pleasures were gone.She noticed that her period was late, so she drove to the clinic for a test.After returning home, she smiled and told us the good news. Although my sister and I felt that she was a little forced to smile, but because I was a child and because I didn't want to think about it, I would rather believe that my mother was really happy.For me, my mother's smile is like a prize, and I guess I will have a little brother or a little sister. If I pay more attention, I must see some signs.I can see the changes in my family now. There used to be profiles of various universities, encyclopedias of Greek theology, and literary classics such as Eliot and Dickens by my parents’ bedside. Later, these books disappeared and were replaced by children. storybooks, gardening magazines and cookbooks.I took these transformations for granted, and until two months before I passed away, I thought The Complete Book of Home Gardening Amusement would be the perfect birthday present for Mom.After knowing that she was pregnant with her third child, the mother hid more of her unknown side. Over the years, her inner longing not only did not diminish with the years, but increased day by day.Upon encountering Ryan, her need ran wild, and she lost control and succumbed to her inner desires.She allowed her body to be the master, and once her body woke up, it might be able to arouse the remaining feelings in her heart.It's not easy to see these things, but I still see them all. Their first hug was eager, awkward and passionate. Abigail, Ryan said, his hands wrapped around her waist in her raincoat, the tulle pajamas barely a barrier between you, think what you're doing. I'm tired of thinking about it.She said the heat from the fan exhaust next to the two sent her hair flying like an angel's halo.Ryan squinted at her, and the beautiful woman in front of him looked dangerous and wild. Mr. you, he said. Kiss me, she said: Please kiss me. I watched as my mother begged and evaded her to escape my memory.I can't stop her. Ryan closed his eyes and kissed his mother hard on the forehead.She took his hand, put it on her chest, and whispered in his ear.I know why she did it, anger, heartbreak, frustration all at once, on this concrete balcony, all the loss from the past, she needs Ryan to get rid of her dead daughter. Their lips touched, and Ryan pushed her against the wall so that her back was against the plaster, and Mom held him tight, as if his kisses could bring new life to her. When I got home from school, sometimes I would stand by the yard and watch my mother weed. She was sitting on the lawn mower, walking happily among the pine trees. I also remember that when I got up in the morning, my mother whistled and made tea. I still remember my father rushing home every Thursday, and he handed my mother a bouquet of marigolds, and my mother smiled brightly, and her face suddenly glowed bright yellow.They were so in love, so utterly obsessed with each other, a passion that Mom would still be able to recapture without the kids, but with the kids, she grew more and more distant.Over the years, my father and us have become closer and closer, but my mother has become farther and farther away from us. Lindsay held her father's hand and fell asleep beside the hospital bed.Still distracted, Mom passed Hall, who was sitting in the visitor's area, in a daze.Not long after, Ryan came over with the same expression. Hall had seen enough, he grabbed his hard hat, left the visitor area, and walked to the other end of the corridor. After a few minutes in the dressing room, Mom walked to Dad's hospital room, only to be stopped by Hall halfway. Your daughter is inside.Hall yelled, and she turned around. My name is Hall.Hankel.He said: "I'm Samuel's older brother and we met at the memorial service. Oh yeah, sorry I didn't recognize you. It doesn't matter.He said. The two fell silent for a moment, and the atmosphere was a little awkward. Lindsey called me and I drove him over an hour ago. oh. Barkley is at the neighbor's house.He said. oh.She kept staring at him, as if trying to regain consciousness, and his face gradually brought her back to reality. how are you It's okay, I'm just a little upset, you understand, right? I totally understand.He said slowly: I just want to tell you that your daughter is inside with you sir, if you need me, I am in the visitors area. Thanks.She said she watched him turn away. He was wearing a pair of motorcycle boots, the heels of which were almost worn out. She stood there for a while, listening to his footsteps echoing in the corridor. She quickly regained her senses, shook her head, and reminded herself that she was in the hospital.It never occurred to her that the reason why Hall came to greet her was to remind her of this. The ward was pitch black, and the fluorescent lamp flickered faintly above the bed, forming the only obvious light and shadow in the room.Lindsay was sitting on the chair beside the bed, with her head resting on the side of the hospital bed, her arms stretched out to hold her father, who was still unconscious, lying on his back on the bed.Mom couldn't have known I was in the ward, and our family was together again, only not the way she used to put Lindsey and me to bed, waiting for her husband and our dad to come home for a passionate afternoon, and now the four of us It's all different.She was comforted by the sight of Lindsay and her father together, as if they were their own country. Growing up, I played hide-and-seek with my mother. I didn't want to admit that I loved her, but I tried my best to get her attention and approval.With Dad, I don't have to play such tricks. Now, I don't have to dodge any more.Mom stood in the dark looking at Dad and Lindsey, and I looked at Mom, making up my mind.I know that going to heaven means many things, one of which is that everything is up to me. Now, I have decided to treat my family members equally and stop favoritism. In the dead of night, there are often many fast-moving souls above hospitals and nursing homes. Harley and I sometimes have insomnia at night, and the two of us just get up and watch.Watching and watching, we found that someone seems to be directing these souls from afar, and we are just spectators.Therefore, Harry and I felt that there must be a world beyond this place, and that there must be a more all-encompassing world in the distance. At first Fernie watched it with us. It's one of the things I like to do secretly, Fernie admits: "It's been a few years, but I still love seeing hordes of souls floating, circling, and huddling noisily in the air. I don't see anything.I said, that was the first time we watched together. Look carefully, she said: Don't talk. Before I see spirits, I feel their presence.I felt a warm current, like a little spark running up my arm.Suddenly, I saw them!They cast off their mortal bodies, glowing like fireflies, sparks whistling and whirling, gradually extending in all directions. Like snowflakes, said Fernie: every soul is different.But from our perspective, each one looks the same.