Chapter 2 long story

May 20, 1954 Jeremy.Musgrove is Jeremiah.Master of the Musgrove Chinese Circus.Four years ago, in the middle of the twentieth century, he hired Henry.walker.Henry got a job as soon as he walked into Jeremiah's office, because under Rupert.After Kevin Dish, there has been a shortage of magicians in the regiment for almost a year.Original Rupert.Sir Cavendish was very good at juggling, but unfortunately his finger was cut off by a threshing machine.The group also kept him for a while, asking him to guess the weight and age of the audience, but he always guessed these two values ​​too high, and soon no one wanted him to guess.Jeremiah heard later that he had found work on a poultry farm, eviscerating chickens, but he was never heard from again.But what would a circus do without magic?Is a circus a circus without magic?

Before Jeremy Adam became the leader of the group, he was the bear of the group.He was tall and hairy, with no skin visible except his fingertips and red cheeks, but he had dreams.After the former head of the circus passed away (here is full of freaks and weird things, but he died of natural causes, so normal, can’t you think of it?), Jeremy became the head of the circus with his scary figure and fluent eloquence. The throne has been in place until now. During the term of office, everything has been changed except for the name of the regiment.Although there were never half Chinese in the troupe, the name of the troupe became Chinese Circus because Jeremiah thought it sounded so good.

On the day Henry came, Jeremiah’s office was right next to the performance venue he had chosen. Speaking of which, it was just a plywood on two wooden horses, with a chair on it, no roof or wall, and a bed at the foot. With straw and horse manure.Henry popped out of nowhere.Afterwards, some people said that they saw him walking a long way aimlessly, and some people said that he crawled out of a ditch. There are different opinions on the way he appeared, and they were all miraculous. It has something to do with his mysterious disappearance four years later. Compare. Jeremy said to him in a businesslike manner: Let me see what you can do.But the thin Henry kept shaking and couldn't do any tricks well.He took out an old deck of cards from his pocket, and he was so nervous that he scattered the cards on the ground like confetti, and finally forced a card. , let the audience unknowingly choose the card that the magician wants him to choose.) Conjure a flower and turn water into wine.But honestly, the only thing he could tell was his looks: he was tall, gaunt, looked miserable, and, well, black.Jeremiah finally decided to hire him only because he was a green-eyed nigger, a marketing tool that would be a pity to miss.A magician is no big deal, like a cow is no big deal.But black magicians are as rare as two-headed cows, and better than Chinese jugglers.Henry feels that the current incompetence is like impotence after many years of overpowering, and Jeremiah thinks that Henry can't conjure any great magic, which is more beneficial to him, and it is actually more pleasing to the residents of these southern towns. They were Jeremiah's bread and butter, so he hired him.As expected, people found it entertaining and reassuring to watch black people go wrong.Crappy magicians like Henry, clumsy at cards, sometimes accidentally smothering birds in their jackets, and even nearly literally cutting the woman in half while performing the man-saw trick (she was fine afterward, they gave her Bandages), if you are white, you will be miserable, and the show has long been over.But Henry was a nigger magician, a very unmagical nigger magician, and well, it became a comedy, and the audiences never got tired of it, and the shows sold out.

When Henry and the three young men had a head-on conflict, it wasn't the first time they had come. He had seen them come twice before and heard them talking, so he knew who was who.The names of the three were Tap, Collis, and Jack, and they were probably all under twenty years old.Tapp was irascible, ruthless, and thin, like a strong rope; Collis was a big muscular man, as big as a horse, but not as smart as a horse; as for Jack, Jack didn't talk much, he was Tapp's younger brother.My brother is strong-willed, and Colis is big, so although Jack won't hurt you, he won't help you much either.Each time they came, they sat closer to the stage than the previous time, and this time they sat in the front row.

Henry's tent was not big, and even the fat lady's tent was bigger than his. Speaking of which, his tent was probably the smallest one.But a full house is a full house. Although it can’t be said that there is nothing special about it, it is still worth a little joy.Henry sneaked a peek from behind the scenes, then doused buckets of dry ice around the stage with water, successfully creating the theatrical effect, and the illusion of success he needed now.Hallucinations have become the whole of his life. The show begins.A cloud of smoke filled the room, and three bright lights from a lamp attached to a wooden board welcomed him into the arena.

He was dressed like you would expect a magician to look like, in a black tuxedo, white shirt, bow tie, top hat, everything you'd expect, which sometimes elicited a snicker.But Jeremiah was very insistent on this. He said: Even if you don't have real skills, you have to have a look. Henry's expression added to the entertainment effect, with a serious face and no smile on stage.It's not that he can't laugh, it's just that he can't laugh at the beginning.He was handsome and well-mannered, black or white.He was tall, broad-shouldered, with stilt-like legs, and his face was so thin that it was so thin that it was chiseled: high cheekbones, broad forehead, hard jaw line, long and pointed nose, and eyes with a kind of enchantment. Shaped like an almond, but green, emerald.Henry faces each night with an open mind, thinking that his former abilities may return at any time.Unfortunately, this never happened, neither inner revival nor manifestation of the Holy Spirit, nothing miraculous in short.Henry just hopes that if a miracle does happen one day, he can prepare in advance. He wants to behave properly, at least before going to the court, and even if it doesn't happen at all, he still has to hope wildly.

He always remembers the past and never forgets, and in his memory he has abilities that people can't imagine.Although that period of time has long passed, as if it was a matter of a previous life, but that memory is always in his eyes, in his expression that is not afraid of anything, in his standing posture, he just looks proud, and this pair It's funny to the masses. Collis and Tap couldn't laugh, they found it irritating.Henry could tell not only from their faces, but also from their posture and movements.When Henry was walking out the night before, Tapp was spitting on the sawdust-scattered floor, Collis was looking fiercely, and the one called Jack pushed his hair away from his eyes, trying to force a smile, thin. Thin brown bangs always fell over the eyes like a veil.Although the three lads were about the same age, Jack always had an expression of anticipation and receptivity on his face, like a little boy who, even on the third night, after Henry's already frustrating failures twice, was still looking forward to it. Seeing that something good will happen, I thought I could see some decent magic this time.Seeing Jack's disappointment gradually welling up, Henry was really sad, he was already disappointed enough with himself, this was simply sprinkling salt on the wound.

That night, when the last guest came in to fill up the tent, Henry heard the loud voice of the Duke yelling dutifully. Although the content was exactly the same every time, he always had a way to be enthusiastic, full of enthusiasm like a priest preaching for the first time: this No ordinary magic show, do I look like the kind of guy who wants you to spend your hard-earned money on crappy magicians?We've seen enough of people wretchedly pulling rabbits out of hats, or sawing beautiful women in half, or making your wife invisible, although, if you really wanted to, he could do it for you (I I can see you really want to).but not!We don't want you to waste your time watching old-fashioned tricks that you've grown tired of watching.What awaits you here, in this old shabby tent, is far greater than that!Here is a man who has seen the devil himself, who has seen the devil himself, and leaves with Lucifer's dark secret.If he tells those secrets, it will melt your soul, but he won't tell, he will only show you, this is the magic of magic!

Henry and JJ are friends. That night, Tap and his party refused to pay for the tickets.Henry heard them arguing with JJ at the entrance.Tapp said: "We've seen him perform twice, and man, it sucks. JJ said: What you said reminds me of women's complaints about expensive meals: it's terrible, and the portion is too small.That being said, JJ let them in anyway, what can I do, anyone else would have to do the same, Colis's arm is so thick, he can wring his life away with one blow. So the performance began, and Henry slowly walked out of the knee-high fog silently, as if sliding out, stopped at the edge of the stage, and greeted the audience, his low voice was full of worry, as if he knew he was going to fail, but decided to be solemn.

He said: Friends, welcome.I am Henry.Walker, black magician, the tricks you will see tonight are not mine, so I can't tell you how those stunning visions were conjured. There's no way to tell everyone why he sucks.Tapp said it aloud so that everyone could hear.God knows, getting sucks enough. Henry glanced at Tap, just a short glance. There are many reasons and many ways that the art of the dark arts is obscure.Henry went on: Only the devil himself knows the source, for these magic tricks come from him. Tap said: You're right about that. Be open-minded about the unknown.Henry continued to talk, but found that the audience was not looking at him as much as Tapp.If you look at the world with an open eye and believe that amazing things can actually happen, then you will see magic in the world tonight.

"Very likely not," Tap said. Of course Tap was right.The magic show was weak from the very beginning. When Henry's hand was transformed into the first deck of cards, the cards dropped and fell to the ground, face down.Although he quickly picked up the cards, cut them swiftly, and put them in order, the audience had already begun to wonder: how bad is this trick?How much will it fail?That's what they come to the show for.They have come here to know that no matter how deep their lives have been dragged, no matter how low they may be, no matter how miserable their situation is or may be, there is always someone worse than them, The man's name was Henry.walker. But he picked it up briskly, as if nothing had happened, as if the cards had never been dropped.He smiled at the audience, many smiles, with perfect teeth and bright eyes, a smile that showed everyone that his confidence was not only unshattered, but not even cracked.Who doesn't make mistakes now and then?Anyone can.Besides, wouldn't it be more flattering to appear a little clumsy?That's like saying, although I'm going to magically melt your mind later, I'm just like you, I'm fallible just like anyone else. But tonight is different from usual. The audience who usually come to the show just want some entertainment. entertainment.Who wouldn't love a nigger who wasn't magical at all?Most of them love him like you love a three-legged dog, although this is up in Alabama, not far from where some genius came up with such a thing as the Ku Klux Klan, but here This is what people think: no, I don't welcome him in my house, if he dares to stare at my daughter, I will kill him, but of course, he can do some magic tricks for me, it should be no problem .The difference was that tonight, Henry felt that the whole tent was filled with real hatred, and that kind of malice was very hungry, and it would be difficult to quell it if it was not satisfied. When Henry unfolded the cards neatly, Collis cleared his throat, Tapp laughed, and Jack shook his head sadly.Henry looked up at them, his face turned pale for a moment. Tap held a card in his hand and said: Did you drop something? Henry forced a smile.Yes.He stretched out his hand and said: Thank you. He reached for the cards, and when he was about to catch them, Tap put them back. Henry said: Give me the cards, please. will pay you back. thank you. But Tap stopped on purpose to embarrass Henry.Before that, you'll have to tell me what card it is, since you're so Tapp can't think of an adjective to use, elbows Jack. Jack said softly: Talented. Well, you're so talented, it shouldn't be a problem for you. Henry said: What card?You mean, the one you hold on your chest? That's right. Some people started laughing.The others, though not laughing, were staring at the beleaguered Henry for a joke, because no one thought it was part of the show, they understood the situation, old man God, things will get out of hand if this continues.Tapp pressed the cards tightly to his chest, and stared at Henry with blazing eyes, to see if he dared to guess boldly, and if he couldn't guess, would he dare to come over to grab the cards.Henry walked towards him, as if he was going to grab it. But Henry stopped a few feet away. He said: I have a super memory, as long as it is something I have seen, I can't forget it.For example, sir, you point to a farmer in the third row.You have popcorn stuck to the sole of your left shoe.The farmer looked down and couldn't help swearing, it really did!Everyone present was startled.Henry said again to the young girl behind the farmer: And you, miss, you should take the tags off your clothes, although it is true that such a beautiful thing is only five dollars, but it does not need to let all of us know.The girl blushed with embarrassment.Then Henry looked at Tap and said: So, of course I remember the fifty-two cards, just give me half a second to look at the deck in my hand, and I can tell you which cards I have and which ones I don't . He paused, giving Tap a moment to take in the words, and then said: But that would be too easy.Since you know what the card is, and you can't think of anything else in your mind at the moment, let me show you a simple yet powerful mind reading technique. Henry closed his eyes, took a deep breath and prepared himself, with a confused and slightly funny look on his face.I'm kind of out of place I mean, where's your brain?oh!Here it is, it's so small, I didn't see it for a while! He spoke lightheartedly, and the audience loved it, and everyone laughed, even Jack couldn't help smiling.Only Tap and Collis couldn't laugh. Henry waved his hand in the air seriously.Oh, now I see the card, closer, closer, yes, I do see it, it slowly emerges towards me from the mist Suddenly, Henry opened his eyes and said: It's three of hearts. Tap looked at Henry, dumbfounded and dumbstruck.Then, with a nasty smile, he threw the card back to Henry. The card spun and flew to Henry's chest. He caught it before it hit the ground and showed it to the audience. Everyone was amused. Really three of hearts. Henry saluted slightly and said: Thank you, thank you.After the applause stopped for a while, he said to everyone: This is not magic.Magic, real magic, is very different from this, it's just a trick.As he spoke, he turned over the whole deck of cards to show everyone that each card was three of hearts.Everyone looked at it, and it was even more fun. An ordinary person like them was playing around with such a simple trick, how could one be unhappy.Only when Tapp was deeply irritated and Jack grabbed him with all his strength, did he attack Henry immediately without being on the spot. But Henry knew very well in his heart that no matter how they planned to deal with him, even if they had any hesitation before, they put it all aside now. At that moment, they made up their minds.The matter will not end like this, there is a follow-up, and it will come soon. The ensuing performance was an astonishing failure. The unexpected success at the beginning was quickly overwhelmed by five or six embarrassing consecutive mistakes. Almost half of the people left, and near the end, he couldn't find a friendly look from the audience.Tap and Collis are happy as if they are in heaven.Henry has learned from many painful lessons that it is better to put on a good face when things go wrong, and he usually tries hard to do so.Just tonight, for example, he swore he'd never do any of those juggling tricks again, but what can he do, the assistant (actually just a runaway kid named Maggie) got hurt the last time he did the saw trick. The injury has not healed yet, so he can only stand on the stage alone, trying to find a way to finish the stage.How could he have descended to such a degree that the glorious memory became a mockery.Great people always live on past achievements.It seemed that the loser was not he but someone else, someone he barely recognized, beyond the reach of even the simplest tricks of hiding coins, hiding handkerchiefs, making matchboxes disappear, or conjuring pigeons.What he said to the crowd that night was true. These are just small tricks, not magic. Anyone can learn it. Physical fitness, in case one day should be called back to the home court.Henry practiced these simple tricks day and night, conjuring cards, cups, balls, or hiding coins up his sleeve, you name it, he did it.But he found that all of these were beyond the scope of his abilities. Swallowing a sword would surely kill him, and the color of the props’ thumbs was wrong. If he ignited the fire, he might burn the entire circus, and a magician who doesn’t use fire is not a magician at all.As far as Henry knew, this was the truth realized by the first magician in the world, and Henry had all the abilities he possessed. At the end of the performance, applause fell like raindrops.Henry quickly hid behind the scenes, went out through the back door of the tent, and walked all the way to the corner of the entire playground before stopping, closing his eyes, and taking a breath of the sweet night air that smelled of dung.Another frustrating show is over.There were shouts to attract the audience in the distance, and not far away, the fathers were busy helping the children win stuffed toys, and the mothers were coaxing the tired toddlers. Henry stood alone in the dark, motionless, waiting for them to find him. he.Of course it is impossible to get into the crowd, he is the only black man who will come and go here at night, the lights flicker and jump all around, there are yellow, red and dazzling orange, even the freaks in the regiment walk in the crowd Lidu is more natural than him.The music in the playground was so cheerful and engaging, yet so dissonant and exhausting in tone that it didn't match the eerie smell (toilets were full before six o'clock every night).The men and women who work here have sunken eyes, thin and pale cheeks, and they can always pick you out of the crowd passing by their stall and say to you: try it out, you are right, the first time you lose it is free. Tap put his hand on Henry's shoulder. He turned his head and saw Tap took out a small wooden cross from his pocket. It was very simple, just two wooden sticks nailed together with small copper nails. He said: Mr. Walker, we are the messengers of God, and we are here to set things right. is that so? Yes. Henry said: I was surprised because God hadn't come to see me perform for a long time. Tap said: God's love is everywhere. Henry looked around to see if anyone had noticed that something was going to happen here, but no, not one, as usual, he could only fight alone. I apologize if the show is not up to your standards.It wasn't up to my standards either, but you're worth the price of admission.Collis said: We didn't buy tickets. Tap glared at him.Collis, that's what he meant. oh. Jack dangled behind them, his whole body submerged in the shadows, his eyes hidden behind his bangs, the toe of his shoe was drawing and drawing on the dirt, he looked up from time to time to observe the expressions of Henry and the others, and then retreated to his own world , like an invisible man. So, has God spoken to you? Tap nodded, looked at the little cross in his hand and said: He spoke to everyone, Mr. Walker, only some people didn't listen. What did he say? Tap blinked, and his whole body remained motionless except for his eyes.Well, he talked a lot, and he loved talking.But the part that's relevant now is that he said that, in his opinion, white magicians are better than black magicians. Henry thought about it.Did he say that?That's weird, because some white magicians are good and some are bad, regardless of skin color.I'm afraid some white magician will disappoint you. Tap said: I'd love to find out. As they said that, Collis and Tapp approached Henry step by step until the distance was only a few inches.Henry took a few deep breaths to stabilize his mind and wait for the opponent to make a move.He was unarmed and powerless to fight back. Henry asked: So what now? Now, if you hadn't played us with cards and that three-of-hearts trick, we'd probably just slap you, slap you around, say nasty things, and walk away.But now, you have to get in the car with us and go for a drive. Collis grabbed his arm with such strength that Henry hurt to the bone.Collis leaned into Henry's ear and said: What a three of hearts, why did you treat him like that? Just when Collis dragged him into the shadows, something happened only in the humble sideshow, Rudy appeared, Rudy, the strongest man in the world appeared.Rudy wasn't the strongest in the world, not even the strongest in a sideshow (the trailer driver Kurt emphasized the difference), but he made up for that gap with whiskey-inspired foolishness.With the strength of alcohol, Rudy bent the iron bar like taffy, his teeth were broken by biting the stone, and there were scars on his cheeks, brows and big nose, and the old wounds were not healed, and the new wounds came again. , because he would continue to break the board with his face.His performance depends on what the audience gives him to destroy, and he never refuses any difficult challenge.One morning a few months ago, Henry saw him completely sober for the first time in four years, and he was crying sadly for his bruised body, regretting that he should not have embarked on this kind of life, and he was very angry with the profligate ticket-checking lady Ulan Feel sad about the relationship with Da.It was a harrowing moment, and Rudy fell unguarded into reality.Luckily there's nothing a pint of bourbon can't fix, and his life looks like a slaughterhouse when he's sober, and he's the strongest man in the world when he's drunk. As soon as Rudy came, he patted Henry on the back hard and gave him a big hug like a bear, and Kolis had to let him go.Rudy was in a good mood, with whiskey in his breath and strength in his body.And he should have just come out of Yolanda's trailer, because that's the only time he's in such a good mood.Being with Yolanda (no matter how many other men she had been with before that) was always the high point of his life. Rudy was not stupid, and immediately saw Henry’s situation.He laughed drunkenly when he hugged Henry, and let out a giant growl, but he froze all of a sudden, swallowed the laughter back abruptly, and fell into complete silence, his facial expression also froze, only his eyes were bright.He could see that Collis was not easy to provoke, and if he was provoked, he would definitely suffer heavy casualties.But Rudy had the best stamina, and even though Collis would hurt him badly, Rudy could take a hit, and then he'd hit back and split Collis in half with one strike. hey lad.He said in a tone of kindness and embarrassment: Has something serious happened? Tap shrugged.No big deal, just didactic.Saying this, he showed Rudy the little cross.After watching his performance, I think he should need the Holy Spirit. Rudy spat, landing very close to Tap's left shoe.Then he laughed.Henry can't save himself by magic, can he?But I think that's also a quality, which is kind of cute.Your little cross is cute too.He spat again. Tap put the cross back in his pocket.God loves you, and as hard as it may be for Him, He loves you, and even this Henry.That's good news, good news. Rudy shook his head with a look of despair and sadness.You guys all look like bad news to me. Tapp sighed: Well, things are not always perfect. Rudy pulled Henry closer, he couldn't leave him alone. Then I can only say that you are lucky to meet the current him.If it were a few years ago, he would have turned you into a pile of grains of salt, and you don’t even need to touch it, just change your mind and change!Salt!That's it.Am I right?Henry? Henry turned his face away from him, his face was gloomy, like the night, and it looked even darker.He said softly: No difference. How could it be the same, almost the same.Rudy said: Of course people will change, but we can't just because of George who lived two hundred years ago.Now that Washington has turned into dust, we don't consider him a hero. We have to remember his past. He was our first president. There are still some books about him. Books!right?His eyes were fixed on Collis as he spoke. Collis shrugged.I think so. Exactly.Rudy looked down at Henry full of emotion and said: I still remember the day you came, Henry, it was four years ago, it was raining that night, you came to see Jeremiah.Musgrove wants to work in a Chinese circus.Henry said: "It wasn't raining and it wasn't dark yet. It was very dark.Rudy said: It was very dark that night, so dark that you almost melted into it and became invisible.I'm not kidding, I mean it.We were in Virginia, which is where you found us, and what were you doing before that? Henry said: Do something else. do something else.Rudy said: Yes.You roam the wilderness, a lost child of God, needing a place to rest your weary feet, a home.So we gave you a home, didn't we?Me, JJ, Jenny and everyone, we have given you a home. Henry nodded, looking at the ground, thinking about the past. Rudy gave Tap a hard look.This man is just like my brother, no matter what color his skin is, he is still my brother.Do you have any opinion? Tap said: Then I really want to know what your sister looks like. Collis let out his idiotic laugh.Rudy shook his head and said: I should kill you for saying that, including your friends.However, I want to tell you a story. Tap said: Well, that's great. Rudy searched Henry's shoulders, let them into Henry's empty tent, and pointed to three empty chairs for everyone to sit down.He doesn't sit, he and Henry stand. The thing is, gentlemen, it is said, at least according to himself, that HenryWalker was once the greatest magician in the world because his magic was real.The name he used at the time was not Henry.Walker, that name is a secret, not even to me.Houdini (Annotation: Harry Houdini, 1874︱1926. Hungarian-born American famous magician, good at performing escape techniques.), Keller (Annotation: Harry Keller, 1849︱1922. The first native-born magician in the United States, famous performer One of the shows is Beauty Leaving.), or Carter (Annotation: Charles Joseph Carter, 1874︱1936. American magician, the famous show is sawing people magic.) Those people will only pretend to look like magic, but in fact they are not It's trickery, not even close.What Henry turned was not a trick, but a real magic trick.Let me give you an example. Other magicians use ropes when performing beauties floating, but Henry can make them really float in mid-air.When he did the sawing trick, dear God, he would literally saw her in half, without even the box!After he sawed her in half, he found a doctor from the audience and asked him to come on stage and take a closer look, not to see if she was still alive, but to study the obvious internal organs, and then Henry sewed her up back to normal. Rudy was a good storyteller, and Tap, Collis, and Jack were all fascinated.Henry felt that no one would notice if he slipped away now, but he stayed, not because Rudy's thick arm was still around his shoulders, but because the story even he wanted to hear. It's a trivial matter to him to make the cards invisible and put them in your left rear pocket; it's also easy to turn a rope into a snake or a sky full of pigeons.No matter how miraculous it seems to others, it is as common as yawning to him.If he wanted to, he could display infinite power, but he wouldn't do it because he did it once, and it turned out that just that one time led to great tragedy. Henry said: Don't talk about this, Rudy, please, don't talk about this. But it's just such a story, nothing else.You tell me the story, and it's my duty to tell these lads, and let them tell others.Rudy leaned toward Tap and whispered complicitly: That's your responsibility. Rudy Henry still wanted to stop, but Rudy grabbed his arm so hard that he couldn't even speak. Rudy scratched his face, picked out a pimple the size of a twenty-five cents from his cheek, looked at it carefully, and threw it on the ground, where the broken skin oozes. That's how the story started.When Henry was ten years old, a very strange thing happened.Before that, he was as ordinary as any other kid, but after that, he was completely different.He and his family (his dad and baby sister Hannah) had just moved into a new home, a sprawling building that took up an entire block.Adults may only marvel at how big the house is, but to children, to little Henry twenty-five years ago, it was like discovering a new world with many, many rooms.Henry and Hannah (she was only one year younger than him) were just children who didn't know how to be afraid, full of curiosity, and wanted to see every floor, they explored floor after floor, and every time they thought they had reached the top, they found again There are also new floors, and each floor has one room after another. They change rooms to sleep every night, and they don't get tired of it for several months.This house is not an ordinary house, this is not a home at all, Henry's family moved into a hotel. How did Rudy know this story?Turns out he wasn't the only alcoholic in the regiment, Henry was with him sometimes, the two of them huddled between trailers, in the back of some car or behind Jeremiah's office, drinking and telling each other, so Henry knew that Rudy had juggled before he even knew what juggling was, and when he was a kid he would bite lizard heads to amuse his brother's friends, to get their attention.Too bad it didn't make friends for himself, they didn't become his friends for it.Henry also heard stories of how he grew rapidly, growing an inch a week for six months (both vertically and horizontally).Rudy would confess to him that he was thin-skinned and timid, that he played high school football until he was twenty, and that some teams were too scared to play him because of his size.These may all be lies, or they may all be true, and Henry has long been unable to be sure of anything.His heart was already full, let the dead fill it up.Those stories told after drinking, sometimes like a loud show, have already surpassed the boring and meaningless facts. But maybe it's just a cover-up, and it's easier to tell the real thing as a fictional story. But Rudy seemed to really believe it, or at least wanted to believe it.He always listened attentively, Henry was sure of that, he was sure when he was telling it, and even more so now that Rudy was telling his story back to his own ears.Not only did he say every word, but he also added embellishments, as if he was telling his own story.For example, the new world with many, many rooms was invented by Rudy himself. These details add to the credibility of the story. Henry not only fell into the story, but also seemed to return to the past time and space. Every word he told Rudy was true, not true, but true.Some parts he left out, some passages in full, but everything he said was true.The hotel, his sister, and the many rooms.His family was once rich, but it has fallen to this point.First, my father lost all his money, which happened to many people at the time. It seemed that no one was spared, but their family was particularly miserable. It was like a curse.Mom was dying, supposedly of consumption, but Henry knew that wasn't the cause, that she couldn't live because her life had been taken from her.Her life, which should have been full of beautiful dresses and jewels, full of fancy parties, pretty shoes and ribbons, full of beautiful vistas, had been perfect and picturesque, but it was gone forever.No one's life is long enough to wait for what they lost, and they couldn't afford to send her to a nursing home. The doctor said she was so sick that even sending her to a nursing home was useless, so she had to stay at home and die.They will not stay at this home for long. Children were forbidden to touch their sick mother, and Henry and Hannah could only look in from her first-floor bedroom window.Hannah was so small that Henry had to lift her up so she could see his mother.They stood among the bushes and waved to their mother. The branches scraped a lot of blood on their soft little arms.Mom waved to them too, until she couldn't wave anymore.他們眼睜睜看著媽媽漸漸變得像鬼一樣，看著她的生命漸漸流失，看著她痛苦地呼吸，嘴角有乾掉的血跡。 然後，有一天，醫生到家裡來，把沃克先生帶到另一個房間說話。亨利覺得他知道醫生在說什麼，他帶著漢娜進屋，要她留在媽媽門前。 Wait for me here.他不想讓她冒任何險，不能讓她出事。Just a minute. 她乖乖站在那裡等了一會兒，然後忍不住打開門，偷偷往裡看。亨利早知會如此，他搖搖頭要她別動，低頭在媽媽臉上親了一下，回頭對漢娜說：我會替妳親。說完，又親了一次。 她在那天去世。一星期後，銀行取消他們房屋（已抵押）的贖回權，於是亨利、漢娜以及沃克先生被迫永遠搬離他們美麗的家園，開啟了悲慘人生的下一章。 魯迪繼續往下說：亨利他爸當起了旅館工友，一個打領結穿西裝、要求孩子發標準英國口音、雙手跟水一樣光滑柔軟的人現在要當工友。夠慘了吧，還能更慘嗎？說到這裡我們就可以坐上安樂椅，椅子旁邊小桌上還放杯飲料，蹺起腳來說：原來如此，故事的結局是個安樂椅似的平淡生活？了嗎？不，早著呢，慘的還在後頭。這家人住的那間房，竟然在洗衣間和廚房之間！當初魯迪聽亨利說到這個洗衣間和廚房之間！的時候，大笑不止，好像這不是實情，只是說來做做效果，好讓故事更有力似的。可是那是真的。 竟然在洗衣間和廚房之間。魯迪輕輕又說了一遍，邊說邊看塔普一眼，帶著挑釁，好像在問他敢不敢來比慘。好像在說：是啦，你住的地方可能是有臭糞坑的小木屋，門口還有愛亂叫的壞狗，可你至少不用看著那些有錢有勢的人，那些過得比你好的人，穿著了不起的衣服，牽著了不起的狗，在你身邊轉來轉去。那些人連想都不會想到你，就算想到，也是討厭，因為你窮，更因為你會提醒他們，世上有人很窮，幾乎一無所有。 但魯迪開口說的只是：日子不好過嗎，一點也沒錯。他爸每天忙到晚，剩不了什麼給孩子，頂多就只剩一份堅持吧，至少他不願意放棄，不願意躺下來等死。透過他所作所為，孩子們可以看見他永遠朝著同一顆星前進，目標只有一個，錢啦、大房子和好椅子之類的東西都不重要，要緊的是活下去，一直活到最後一天到來為止，直到他連這個也放棄為止。他每一分精神都花在修東西上，可他根本就不知道東西要怎麼修。為了得到這份工作，他說謊。他騙大鬍子旅館主人說：我在工具堆裡長大，算得上是機械世界裡的醫生。事實上，他連槌子要用哪一頭都不知道。可是只要能有一片屋頂四面牆，能讓孩子有飯吃，就算要他拿自己的肉去論斤賣，他都願意。 即使狀況糟成這樣，亨利和漢娜還是有辦法自己找點小樂子，你知道的，小孩子就是有辦法，他們輕輕一點魔杖，就能改變世界的長相。亨利偷拿他爸的鑰匙，兩個頑皮的小傢伙跑到沒人住的空房間去探險，從這張床跳到那張床，開收音機來聽，假裝自己是別人是他們周遭那些有錢人。漢娜扮太太，亨利扮先生，她會從浴室朝外頭喊：親愛的，你再不快點我們就要遲到了。他會說：我找不到我的袖扣。她會說：小呆，在我這邊啦！我相信今天晚上我們一定會在舒耐德家玩得驚人地開心。然後亨利會接話說：是的，我也這麼想。 聽故事的時候，魯迪爛醉如泥，之後也沒再提，亨利真不知道他怎麼能把細節記得這麼清楚，當初他和漢娜的對話正是如此。驚是漢娜最愛用的一個字，她會說：這些馬鈴薯好得令人吃驚。不要一聲不吭冒出來，我會被你驚到！我有件驚人的事要宣布：住三一一號房的那一對剛剛結帳走人，在梳妝台上留了錢！對九歲小孩來說，驚這個字很了不起，那是她所有字彙裡最了不起的一個字。 除此之外，他們在新奇的探險活動中，也免不了要玩一個歷久不衰的遊戲：躲貓貓。那件事就是玩躲貓貓的時候發生的，我剛提過，有件事情改變了亨利的一生，就是因為發生那事，他才會變成你們現在看見的這個樣子。 亨利說：停，別說了。 魯迪說：可我才剛起頭啊，亨利，精彩的才正要開始哩。你們這些小伙子很想聽，對吧？ 傑克看看另外兩人，他們面無表情，於是他說：我想聽。 魯迪點點頭，摸摸亨利的後腦杓。如果這些小伙子想要傷你，亨利，我相信他們是這麼打算聽見這話，寇力斯露出肉食性動物的笑容。魯迪看他一眼，繼續說：那麼他們最好先搞清楚他們要傷的人是誰。 魯迪的企圖明顯得令人心痛，他希望他們能在亨利身上看見黑鬼身分之外的東西，希望他們眼中的亨利會是從前的亨利，把亨利當人，一個有故車的人。他們一定不知道魯迪除此之外無可禦敵，塊頭大歸大（看起來像禿頭猩猩或遠古人類），可是他連打架自救的本領都沒有，只要一想到自己出手會讓別人痛，就很惶恐，不管別人怎麼對他，都比不上他對自己壞，他從不報復。如果能夠，他早已吞下世上所有痛苦。 魯迪說：我記得沒錯的話，那是七○二號房。他當然沒記錯。亨利以為那房間沒人住。躲在裡頭再好不過，因為那是最高樓層的最後一間。他在辦公室偷瞄過住宿名單，有對來自威斯康辛的夫婦今早剛剛結帳離開，所以他打開門溜進去的時候，嚇了一跳，有人坐在直背木椅上，正正對著他看。 亨利當場愣住，向他道歉，想退出房門，但那人彷彿早知道他會來，表情平靜，絲毫未變。他說：請進。亨利不知如何是好，他和漢娜向來小心，從沒發生過這種意外。那人又說：請進來吧。亨利才十歲大，不懂得拒絕大人，他放開手，讓門在背後關上。那人說：我想讓你看看這個，你應該會有興趣。靠近點。亨利聽話照作，慢慢向坐在椅上始終保持微笑的男人走近幾步。那人身上穿的衣服棒極了，烏黑的外套和長褲，白襯衫、銀領帶，這等華服即使在旅館裡也難得一見，而且他似乎並沒打算出門，現在為晚餐打扮也還太早。濃密的黑色波浪捲髮上塗了過量造型乳液，臉色跟牛奶一樣白，多年以後亨利回想起來還是覺得那是他第一次見到真正的白人。我們就算沒曬黑，膚色也會帶點粉紅，或者一點點橘，但他是純白的。 再近一點。亨利向前一步，於是那人眼睛開始發亮，就像在他裡頭有個指示燈亮了起來，那雙眼睛加上會心的微笑再加上雪白的皮膚，讓人非常不安，就連我現在說到這裡，都覺得血管裡的血液變濃，流速變慢，慢慢變黏，難以流通。魯迪壓低聲音，啞著嗓子近乎耳語地說：因為他並不是人，不是人類。他頓了一下，才繼續慢慢小小聲說：他是魔鬼。 這會兒就連塔普和寇力斯都聽得入了迷，感覺身歷其境，和小亨利一起站在那個房間裡，和那人相隔數吋之距，且那人竟不是人，而是魔鬼。寇力斯屏住了呼吸，再吐氣時發出了一句：萬能的神聖基督啊！完全忘了自己所為何來。魯迪迷住了在場三人，只有亨利保持清醒，亨利正在努力回想自己到底是不是這麼跟魯迪說的，他在努力回想自己跟魯迪說的到底是哪一個版本，是單純的事實，還是較為複雜卻較真實的那一個。聽來應該是比較真實的那個版本吧，因為魯迪覆述得相當精準，一字不差。 魔鬼他沒有名字，所以不用介紹，亨利就知道他是誰了。請神容我這麼說，換作你們遇上了他，也會立刻就知道的。他對那孩子微笑，那孩子就整個定住，僵在那裡無法移動，魔鬼控制住他，用黑暗之光將他包圍，若是魔鬼不許，他就連呼吸也辦不到。亨利聽見自己的心跳，整個房間好像都變成了他的心，他好像遭到吞噬乂被從內外翻。惡魔的眼閃著紅光，越變越大，像是條可以走進去的隧道，他彷彿受到吩咐，遵命走進了那座刮著寒風的閃爍隧道。就在那天，他受了惡魔的洗禮，就這樣。 然後，惡魔不見了。漢娜打開門，看見他面對一張空椅子站在那裡，輕輕拍他肩膀一下，說：換你當鬼。於是他接著當鬼，但他並沒告訴漢娜他真正當上的是什麼，因為他不知道那個東西該怎麼說。 魯迪停頓片刻，臉上作出痛苦的怪相，把下巴在大手上擦了擦，好像牙痛。他張開嘴巴用手指在裡頭找到禍首，當著眾人的面從牙床上扯下一顆牙，仔細看了看，然後往旁邊一丟，吞下滿口血。 從那天起，亨利變成魔術師。不是我們常見的那種只會耍花招混淆你視聽的，不是會趁你看那邊的時候在這邊動手腳的，亨利是真正的魔術師。他從沒想過也沒想要過，但就已經是了。我們是自己想當的那種人嗎？有幾個人可以面對自己說：這就是了，這就是我想要的人生，我一直夢想著能有這樣的生活。很少，很稀有，我想我就是其中一個幸運兒吧，可惜亨利不是。 遇見魔鬼以前，只有一個人和他關係緊密，就是他的妹妹。他媽過世，他爸精神一蹶不振，像是張揉皺丟掉的複寫紙。漢娜成為他在人世間僅存的美好，亨利對她的愛勝過我們對任何人事物的愛，就連他自己也從來沒有這麼愛過。但是如今他成了某種強大力量的一部分，意外成了魔術師，只要動個念頭，念頭就會成真。他能憑念力移動物品，吃晚飯的時候鹽罐會自動越過桌子跑到他手中。他爸一開始太累，後來太醉，沒注意到。花瓶破了，自動回復原狀。紙牌在空中消失，又在桌子下出現，或者跑進你頭髮裡甚至他皮膚裡。漢娜愛死這些，別忘了，她才九歲大，並不知道這些是不可能的事，也不知道哥哥已經成為魔鬼的代理人。雖然他自己並不邪惡，卻變成魔鬼的代理人，擁有了人類不該有的力量，而且，還只是個孩子而已。 這就得講到亨利的第一場魔術表演了，那是漢娜的主意，她想讓爸爸暫時脫離一下沮喪的生活。漢娜在失物招領處弄到一頂舊舊的大禮帽給亨利，他把桌布繫在脖子上當披風。漢娜穿上自己最多裝飾的一件衣服，然後找房間作舞台。那天是週末，旅館幾乎客滿，只剩一個房間沒人住，就是魔鬼的房間，七○二號房。亨利說：不，不，我們找別間。或者等到星期一，等別的房間清出來再說。可是漢娜堅持，而亨利向來無法拒絕她太久，於是，七○二號房就成定局。 漢娜跟亨利一人一手，拖著他們的爸爸上樓。他大聲問：這是做什麼？你們到底要拉我去哪裡？漢娜把食指放在唇上，什麼也不回答。他們一路從地下室爬到最頂樓，前往走道盡頭的房間，整個旅館的最後一間。漢娜伸手要去開門，亨利阻止了她。我來，我走第一個。他握住門把，停了有如一輩子那麼長的時間，連呼吸都在胸中停滯，但終究還是轉動門把，把門打開。房間是空的，亨利恢復呼吸。他爸咆哮起來：這怎麼回事？這樣子會給我們惹麻煩，你們不知道嗎？漢娜不理會他說什麼，把他拉去床邊坐下，說：亨利要為您表演魔術，我會幫忙！魔術？好吧，那應該挺有意思。他不再囉嗦，坐下來靜靜等著看。 亨利一開始表演的魔術並不難，尋常魔術師都會，跟別人不一樣的是，他沒練過。他不用練，魔術自己會變。他拿出一副紙牌，然後完全知道他爸會抽哪一張。漢娜說：很驚人，對吧？她鞠躬行禮，手臂彎過腰際，好像魔術是她變的一樣。亨利讓湯匙飄浮在半空，他爸走近去看湯匙上有沒有繫繩子，沒看見，真神奇。漢娜拍拍手。亨利又從帽子裡變出一隻兔子，從袖子裡變出一隻鴿子連他自己都被這些東西嚇到了。他想到兔子，兔子就出現；想到鳥，就有了鴿子。正如漢娜所說：太驚人了。他們看著那團毛茸茸的白色小動物驚惶失措鑽進床底下，鴿子飛去撞窗，爸爸這些年來第一次露出微笑。漢娜跟亨利高興地互看一眼，這正是他們想要的那個表情。那個微笑令漢娜大受鼓勵，她驕傲地站挺了身子大聲說：現在，我們要表演的是最神奇最精彩最驚人的魔術，為了讓您今晚看得開心，了不起的亨利，我的哥哥，將會把我變不見！ 這是漢娜的主意，他們以前沒做過，而且亨利一點也不想這麼做。照他的意思，漢娜最好日夜和他寸步不離，至少要在他看得見的地方。他倆睡在同一個房間裡，兩張床距離很近，伸手可及，這孩子就連妹妹洗澡都要等在門邊。他當然不想變這種魔術，但終究答應了，因為她堅持。當著爸爸的面，先把漢娜變不見，再變回原處，這表演肯定很炫，是完美絕妙的壓軸好戲。他爸眨眨眼睛說：一定很精彩。結果確實如此。 亨利將一張床單扔過去蓋在她頭上，漢娜站在那裡一動也不動，看起來就像一尊等著揭幕的雕像。亨利也不動，他在等一種感覺，等體內的黑暗力量漸漸湧起脹大，自己不像自己，所有骨頭都得到伸展，感覺就要爆炸。最後，他開始想那個字：消失！為了作效果，還在她頭頂上揮了揮手，說：變！於是，漢娜消失了。 床單下沒了東西，攤在地上，像具沒有重量的屍體，亨利和他爸目瞪口呆，既害怕又覺得很好玩，誰也不敢相信這是真的。但這是真的沒錯。他爸站起來掀開床單，下頭什麼也沒有。他看著亨利說你是怎麼他說到一半就卡住，沒法講完整句話。這真是我真不敢相信。地板有洞嗎？並沒有。那我我真不知道你們兩個是怎麼辦到的，天啊！他坐回床沿，搖著頭說：好了，該把她變回來了。亨利說：好。 他們等了一會兒，亨利又說好。表演進行到這個部分，她該回來了，可是當他準備要想那個必要的字時，突然感覺自己很平凡。他覺得很空虛，像是有什麼東西被拿走了。他說：現在該是我把她變回來的時候了。不知怎的，他的聲音聽起來好小，他努力想著那個平常很好用的字：回來，他用這個字叫回過紙牌和書本，甚至叫回過小桌子，可這次一點動靜也沒有，地板上的床單完全沒動，毫無生命跡象。爸爸說：我等著呢。語氣有點尖銳。亨利提高聲音，用全部的肺活量喊道：回來！說到這裡，魯迪停了下來，眼神悲傷陰沉。可是她沒回來，再也沒有回來。 因為真正在變魔術的魔術師並不是亨利，而是惡魔，這一切都是他的手段、他的計畫。惡魔總是這樣，不但要偷走人在世上所愛的東西，還要經由那人自己的手。亨利就是他甕中之鱉，得到魔術，卻失去了這輩子最親愛的妹妹。 魯迪看看亨利那張受傷的臉，以輕柔悲傷的語氣繼續往下說：從那以後，他再也沒見過她，而且沒有一天不在找她。然後魯迪望向那些男孩，想要一口氣把他們三個全看進眼睛裡似的。年輕朋友們，他雖沒找到妹妹，卻找到那個魔鬼，並且殺了他。不是用魔術，不需要用魔術，亨利無邊無際的悲傷就是殺他的力量。 魯迪言盡於此，閉上眼睛，深吸一口氣，開始點頭，那點頭的樣子好像他不是講故事的人，而是聽眾，字字句句聽進了亨利過往的陰暗祕密。他知道自己失敗了，他原本希望這故事能讓二名年輕人看出，在最最深層的部分，我們全都一樣，可這目的並未達成。人生就是這樣，失敗一場接一場，成功從來不存在，至少不是具體可掌握的，要說存在也只存在於一次次失敗之間。魯迪今晚做得再好，到了明天也跟沒做過一樣。他看看亨利，看著他明亮悲傷的綠眼睛，明白自己不管怎麼做都救不了他，但他不會放棄，因為他們是朋友，是朋友就該盡力，不該放棄。 塔普點起一根菸，傑克若有所思地用袖子擦擦鼻子，寇力斯吐了口痰，但並非是對剛剛聽的事情有什麼意見，只是有痰要吐而已。 遊樂場已經空了，所有攤子一片陰暗死寂，他們聽見有人正在大笑，但那來自遠方，在拖車後面。這樣的幽靜夜晚，生活在他方，魯迪已經開始想尤蘭達了。 塔普打破沉靜，說：這該死的故事還真長，我還沒聽過這麼長的故事。 寇力斯說：這事發生時他才十歲，看他現在的樣子，我們還有二十年要聽。他看看魯迪說：你還有多少？ 魯迪嘆口氣。And that's all. 塔普忍住哈欠，對寇力斯和傑克說：我不知道你們怎樣，我是被打敗了啦，我看咱們現在回家，還來得及禱告。想禱告永遠不遲。 寇力斯說：我想也是。 傑克鬆了一口氣，從口袋拿出一枚一分錢硬幣，一邊將它輕輕往上拋，在半空抓住，一邊說它是正面或背面，要是錯了，就像小孩似的打一下硬幣。結果如何亨利輕易就能從他臉上看出，他有時做對，有時做錯。let's go.塔普用手肘催他，三人轉身慢步離去。 魯迪這才放開亨利。 That's it.魯迪目視他們離開，點點頭說：真希望我能為你揍揍他們。 亨利說：這樣就好了。很有用啊，無論如何，至少今晚有用，可是說到那個故事，我有話得告訴你。 Um? 它和事實有些出入。 The next evening, they returned.等在亨利的拖車外，他一出來就抓住他，用他自己的鍊子綁住，丟到一輛老Fleetline後座。塔普開車，寇力斯坐在亨利旁邊，在路上打斷亨利一條肋骨。傑克坐在前座，不停拋硬幣，然後用一手打另一手，幾乎無意識地輕聲說著：正、反、正直到他們抵達某個不知名的地方，某個牧場，在那裡，寇力斯和塔普開始鼓起他們所有的正氣，用力打亨利。一個打完換另一個，輪流打。 亨利嘴裡淌著血，勉強開口問道：神叫你們這樣？ 這狗娘養的還真詭異。塔普說。 寇力斯用自己的手打斷了亨利的手，塔普穿著沾滿泥巴的鞋踢他的臉，然後蹲下來湊過去微笑看他。想不到好鬥的塔普滿口牙居然都還在，不但不少，可能還比正常人多，擠在嘴裡，像巴上裡擠滿了人。 你的綠眼睛哪來的？他不等亨利答話，又說：該死，這顏色跟我一樣。 塔普站起來。他身上還穿著去做禮拜時的外衣，現在上頭沾了血，血濺在白衣服上，看起來很有設計感。亨利眨眨眼，瞪著它看，想看出那是什麼圖案。 塔普說：寇力斯，算一下，我們總共殺過多少黑鬼？ 寇力斯沒想到他會這麼問。總共殺過多少黑鬼？ 總共。塔普說。 寇力斯扳起指頭數了數，嘆口氣，再算一遍。我想至少七個吧。他看塔普一眼，不知道這數字他滿不滿意。 塔普說：我算是八個，如果把那條狗也算進去就有八個。寇力斯皺起眉頭。狗也能算黑鬼？ 塔普說：黑鬼的狗就算。 寇力斯對這說法有意見。用看的又看不出來。 傑克抬起頭來，搖搖頭說：我們從來沒殺過人。聲音很小，比呼吸聲還小，還要模糊。 塔普受不了他。傑克，你給我閉嘴。 亨利感覺得出自己的身體已經快完蛋了。一根頰骨往上戳，左眼張不開，右眼充血，整張臉都很腫，為了上台剛剛換好的禮服已經毀了，他們先把禮服下襬扯下來綑他，後來在盒子裡找出鍊子才換掉。塔普給他上鍊的時候綁得太緊，不但割破了他的手腕，甚至讓他難以呼吸。好在亨利多年來為了想表演胡迪尼的水中脫逃術，勤練屏息也能活命的方法。可他還從沒在現在這麼慘的狀況下試過，左臂斷了，肋骨斷了，褲子也尿濕了。尿濕褲子倒不是給嚇的，只是尿急，鍊條壓力又大，憋不住，非尿不可，整場折磨下來，讓尿解放也算是種解脫。 要是換作十或十五或二十年前，亨利不會有事，慘的會是這些敗類。他只要動個念頭想群野狗，那群野狗就會從他們身後那片陰暗的松林出現，對他們咆哮，眼睛或紅或黃，目光如炬，露出鋼鋸般的利齒，黑色粗毛直豎，像樹幹一般，牠們會是殺不死的飢餓怪獸，能把人撕成碎片，一小片一小片慢慢地撕，讓人痛苦難當，但求速死。於是黑人魔術師亨利就能悠然離開，毫髮不傷。可惜如今他辦不到。 傑克又說一次：我們從來沒殺過人。 塔普搖搖頭。亨利看得出他很討厭他弟這樣，他說：我撞過狗。 That was an accident. 誒塔普咕噥著沒說話。 白晝很快到了盡頭，黑幕籠罩樹林，殘餘的陽光把部分草地染成黃色，也讓亨利頭頂暖了起來，他努力把注意力放在那光上，去感覺它，甚至幾乎能聞得到它。他想像漢娜住在陽光裡，月亮太冷，不適合她。 傑克走到亨利身邊，從後口袋掏出一塊油污破布，蹲下身子幫亨利擦眼睛周圍的血。 亨利說：別擦，請不要擦。 但傑克擦了，他用那塊破布貼著亨利右眼角，然後繞著眼周輕輕擦拭，輕輕吸掉積在亨利下眼窩的血，在角落處稍稍用力，亨利抽搐了一下，傑克就趕緊住手，跟著瞇起眼睛。他離亨利的臉只有幾吋遠，先是望著亨利的眼睛，接著突然盯著他眼睛周圍細看，好像第一次見到他似的。事實上，他是。傑克看看手裡的破布，布已經被血染紅，他拿去再擦擦亨利的臉，這次比剛才用力，亨利感到刺痛。傑克蹲坐腳跟上，思索亨利和亨利的臉，一時難以理解這是怎麼回事，陷入長考。 塔普笑著說：傑克老是想把東西修好。寇力斯，你記得那隻鳥嗎？去年夏天有隻鳥飛進前廊風扇裡，他把牠放在盒子裡養傷，養到能飛，完全康復，然後給貓抓走了。 寇力斯也大笑起來。有個詞就是用來形容這種事，那是怎麼說的？ 傷心。傑克說著，站起來，從亨利身邊走開，但眼睛依然盯著他不放。那個詞叫傷心。然後他對塔普說：我們該走了，夠了。 但塔普才不管傑克說什麼。 他說：這主意聽起來不錯，但我有更好的。 塔普從外套口袋裡掏出一把槍，掏槍時十字架跟著掉出來，落入黑漆漆的草叢中，亨利看見了，塔普自己卻沒發覺，他現在對槍比較有興趣。塔普望著手裡的槍，樣子像是沒想到自己身上帶著槍似的。 林間深處傳來貓頭鷹的歌聲。 這個時候，傑瑞米亞他們應該已經察覺亨利失蹤了。傑瑞米亞．莫斯葛羅夫中國馬戲團的紀律並不算嚴謹，如果有人想在他僅有的家（也就是濕霉拖車）裡多賴個幾分鐘，在溫暖的摺疊床上望著枕邊心愛女人的照片多躺一會兒，沒人會大驚小怪。獨處的時候，你跟別人並無不同，只有面對世人時才會成為異類，成為例外。不管你喜不喜歡，這種情形會持續一輩子，你永遠也擺脫不了。誰會選擇這種人生？雖說這群人彼此之間有種同志情誼，會有同病相憐之感，可是若非別無選擇，誰會想跟這群無法融入社會的人混在一起？世人鄙視他們，他們知道，但他們仍有夢想，夢想能有間坐落在社區中的房子，不用多大，不必多美，只要是間有院子的小房子，只要鄰居太太會在後院晾衣服，會烤派，會種些黃花就好了。夢想中的那個社區，家家戶戶房子都漆成白色，電視天線有房子一倍半那麼大，危顛顛架在屋頂上。還會有幾個小孩，有了這些，就等於擁有了親密而安全的關係，你就正常了。正常很好，如果你正常，人們就會對你微笑，會向你問路，會給你工作，會允許你娶他們的女兒。所以，如果你想在拖車裡多待幾分鐘，做點夢，沒人會阻止。 但即使如此，他們終究會發現亨利失蹤，魯迪會聯想到昨晚的事，猜出發生的事，不過沒關係，至少現在還沒關係，他們不會找到這裡來，因為他們根本不會找。馬戲團的人每到一處圍起柵欄後，就幾乎完全不出他們自己的園區，好像自成一個小鎮，自成一個生態系統，那在孩子們的噩夢中是個黑暗可怕的地方。當然，會有些人陸續離開，或者說，消失。這些人通常都是些幫忙打雜撿破爛的老醉鬼，不是表演者。可是前陣子鱷魚小姐艾格妮絲走了，回到佛羅里達州去照顧媽媽；一個月前表演吞火的巴斯特去從軍；如今亨利也不見了，他讓自己的鍊子捆著，倒在養牛的牧場裡，血流如注，很可能送命。 do not do that.傑克看見哥哥手裡有如第六根手指的銀色槍管，趕緊出言阻止。該死，塔普，別這樣。從傑克聲音裡頭亨利聽出一絲哭音，這孩子終於搞清楚狀況。 你才別這樣哩。 你不會想開槍的，塔普，我跟你說真的。 說時遲那時快，塔普拿著槍的右手猛然向傑克臉上一揮，發出玻璃破裂的聲音，傑克給打得向車倒去，嘴唇貼在引擎蓋上，像在親它，他靜止保持那姿勢一分鐘沒動。 塔普低頭看他，喘著氣說：你就跟那鳥似的，當心讓貓給捉走。 塔普顫抖著把槍高舉過頭，開了一槍。亨利還以為那會是他這輩子最後聽見的聲音，他想在天空中捕捉到最後一道光，但那光和亨利一樣，模糊遲疑，幾乎不存在。 塔普說：我們不會再有這種機會了。塔普轉向亨利，拿槍指著他，可是握的是槍柄，不是扳機。不要只是看他，要看他們，他們原本是我們的東西，就跟桌椅一樣。塔普吐了口唾沫，又說：現在可好，他們可以上電視胡說八道，可以當醫生、當牙醫，還可以當魔術師，沒完沒了。這就好像火車來了，一節車廂又一節車廂，整個世界都來輾你。也許我沒辦法改變什麼，可是我有意見總行吧，我要讓他們知道我有什麼感覺。 寇力斯把另一張紙牌丟在腳邊泥地上，看看錶說：我支持你，塔普，殺了他。 do not do that.Jack said. 黑人魔術師亨利，狗屎，他根本不是魔術師。 傑克舉起袖子