Chapter 5 third chapter

I paid £2.80 for the Tube and dropped a twentyp in a street performer's violin case, and he was standing under the escalator playing "Yesterday", trying to entice the crowds to file past him to get ready. Crowds coming home from work.When I arrived at Cannington I spent another £5 on a bottle of red wine.I had only seven pounds on me at the time, which I tucked into my back pocket, and I touched it every now and then to make sure it was there, a folded note and five coins.Also, I have a plastic bag full of clothes I don't remember wearing when I was found six days ago, and a globe.I staggered along the street, head bowed out of the wind, nose red, feeling both light and precarious.It was as if I had been stripped of the everyday objects of my old life and left me light and elusive, perhaps blown away like a feather.

I have imagined this scene: walking down a cold street with a bottle of wine to visit a dear friend.Now I keep looking around to see who is walking next to me and behind me.Why haven't I noticed how weird people look, especially in winter when they're all wrapped up and airtight?My old shoes keep slipping on the ice.A man who was crossing the street with me reached out to help me, but I pulled my arm away suddenly, and he looked at me in astonishment. Be at home, be at home, be at home.I was talking while ringing the doorbell of Sadie's apartment in the basement.I should have called first.What should she do if she is not at home or away from home?But she never went out at this time, Piba was only six or seven weeks old, and Sadie was also a house girl who preferred to stay indoors.I ring the doorbell again.

coming!cried a voice.I could see her figure through the frosted glass.Who? I.Abby. Abby!I thought you were still in the hospital!Wait a moment. I heard her swearing and fiddling with the lock, and then the door swung open and she was there, Piba in her arms, a tiny bit of her pink face wrinkled in a thick towel. I'm helping her in the bath and she starts, then pauses.God!look at you! I should have called first.I'm just sorry, I have to meet you. God!She said it again, and stepped back to let me in. A puff of sour-sweet heat rushed towards me as Sadie closed the door.Mustard, talcum powder, milk, vomit, soap.I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

So happy, I said, leaning my face towards Piba.Hello Britney, remember me?Piba opened her mouth and I could see her tonsils along her clean pink throat.She only groaned softly.can't remember?I said.Well, that's not surprising at all.I'm also not sure if I remember myself. What the hell happened to you?Sadie asked.She hugged Piba a little tighter and rocked it gently with maternal instinct.you look I know, horrible.I put the globe on the dining table.This is for Piba. Want me to get you something to eat?Come, sit here.Get those baby clothes out of the way. Can I have some biscuits or toast or something?I feel a little weak.

sure.God, what the hell is wrong with you?Piba started crying and Sadie held her up to her chin.Shh, well, it's all right, she hummed softly in a slow, monotonous voice we had never heard before Piba was born.Well, well, my little baby. You have to coax her first.My uninvited guest came at an inopportune time. She is hungry. Then feed her first.I can wait. sure?You know where things are, make us a cup of tea.I think there might be some digestive biscuits, look for that. I brought a bottle of wine. I'm breastfeeding, not drinking, really. You just have a drink, and I'll do the rest.

I change her diaper first and then feed her here.I want to hear the details.God, you're so skinny.How much weight have you lost? Sadie? how?She turned around at the door. Can I stay here temporarily? Temporary stay? Just a few days. certainly.But I'm honestly surprised you want to live here.Remember, there's only the couch, and the springs are down, and you know Piba wakes up in the middle of the night. It doesn't matter. You said the same thing last time, until that happened. last time? yes.She looked at me suspiciously. I can't remember. What? I can't remember.I say it again.I was so tired that I was almost paralyzed.

Well, take it easy then, Sadie said: I'll be right back.Five minutes at most. I opened the bottle of wine and poured out two glasses.I raised my glass to take a sip, and immediately felt dizzy.I need to eat something.I rummaged through the cupboard and found a package of salty and vinegar-flavored potato chips. I ate them standing up, stuffing my mouth full.I cautiously took another sip of my drink before sitting down on the sofa again.My head throbs, my eyes burn with exhaustion, and the wounds on my side still sting.It's warm and safe and cosy here, in this basement where baby clothes hang to dry on the radiator and a large vase of flaming deep-orange chrysanthemums sits on the table.

well enough?Sadie is back.Sitting next to me, she unbuttons her shirt and removes her bra.She hugged Piba to her breasts, then sighed and leaned back in the chair.Well, tell me.It's that dead Terry, right?Your face is miserable and still bruised.You really shouldn't have gone back.I thought you were on vacation. vacation?I asked back. You said you were planning a vacation.she says. No holiday.I said. What good did he do this time? who? Terry.She glanced at me.Are you all right? Why do you think it's Terry? obvious.Especially after what happened last time.Oh, Abby. What did you mean last time?

That's when he hit you. So he did hit me. yes.Start very hard.Abby?You should remember. Anyway, just tell me. She looked at me, puzzled, and thought I was joking. That's weird.You quarrel with him, he beats you, you leave him and come to me.You said that this time you have eaten the weight and made up your mind.Your attitude is determined, in fact, it is almost uncontrollable excitement, you can even call it joy.So you went back again? No, I shook my head.At least, I don't know of any.But not him. You are so unreasonable.She gave me a frowning look, then turned back to Piba.

I got hit on the head, I said.Now I have amnesia.I can't remember leaving Terry, or coming to you, or anything. She pursed her lips and let out a whistle.I don't know if that's shock or disbelief.You mean, you had a concussion or something? almost. So you really can't remember? I really can't remember. You don't remember leaving Terry? can't remember. Or come to me? can't remember. Or move out again? Have I moved out again?I guess I should have something that isn't mine here, is there?Where did I move to? You really can't remember? can't remember.I've had enough of saying this.

You move in with Sheila and Guy. So I moved in on a Sunday? I guess so.Yes, it should be right.I pretty much got the days of the week all mixed up during that time. And you haven't seen me again, I mean, until now? No.I thought you were away from home. Oh, whatever. Abby, tell me what happened.The details of the whole thing. Details.I took a sip of my wine and looked at her again as she softly coaxed the baby.I couldn't wait to talk to someone, to pour out all that had happened to me, the terror in the dark, the shame, the horrific loneliness, the feeling of dying.I need someone to talk to the police about and how they're turning my emotions against me. I need someone with rock-solid faith in me.If they didn't I drank the wine down and poured some more.If Sati doesn't have the confidence, who does?She is my best friend and the deepest old friend of mine.She came to me when Bob dumped her, and she was eight months pregnant.If even Sati doesn't believe me, who will?I took a deep breath. I told Sadie everything.The platform, the noose, the hood, the barrel, the asthmatic laugh in the dark.and how I knew I was going to die.She listened quietly without interruption, only occasionally made a faint sound of surprise, or murmured a few words to herself.I didn't cry.I thought I was going to cry and then she would put her arms around me and stroke my hair like Pipa.But my eyes are dry, so far I have calmed down and told my story calmly.Am I crazy?I end with this sentence. They don't believe you!How can they not believe you?Those bastards! They thought I was in an extremely vulnerable situation, cranky. How could you possibly make up a story like this?Come on, why would you want to make up such a thing? I have no idea.Want to escape, want to attract attention.Whatever the reason. But why?Why don't they believe you?She still refused to give up. Because there is no evidence.I said helplessly. Nothing at all? No.no clue. oh.We sat in silence for a few seconds.So what are you going to do now? I don't know either.I don't know where to start, Sadie.I mean, I really don't know what to do next.I wake up tomorrow morning with no clue where to go, who to go to, or even who I am supposed to be.I'm like starting from scratch.Blank.I can't tell you how weird it felt, how scary it was.It was like an experiment designed to drive me crazy. You must be mad at them. Yes, that's right. Also freaked out. That's right.The warm room suddenly felt chilly. Because, Sadie went on in her train of thought: because if what you're telling is true, he's still out there.He may still be looking for you. Yes, I said.exactly.But we've both heard her say the word: if.If only I hadn't made up this whole story.I looked at her, and she lowered her eyelids, talking to Piba again in her baby voice, although at this time Piba was asleep, her head was tilted back like drunk, her small mouth slightly Open, there is still a drop of milk on the upper lip. What do you want for dinner?she asked.You must be starving. I'm not going to change the subject.You don't know if you should trust me, do you? Stop bullshitting, Abby.Of course I believe you.certainly.hundred percent. Thanks.But I knew, and she knew I knew: she wasn't really sure.The seeds of doubt have been planted, and they will continue to grow and thrive.Who can blame her?It's my grotesque stories that go against the grain.If I were her, I would doubt it too. I cooked and made dinner while Sadie put Piba to bed.The bacon sandwich, I used the white toast that I spread cream first, it was very chewy and salty, and I also brewed two large cups of tea.Having been through that and probably repeating itself, being here now is like entering a sanctuary, but that night I tossed and turned on Sadie's lumpy couch, not sleeping well, with several dreams of running, tripping, and falling I woke up with a start, my heart was beating wildly and my head was sweating.Piba would often wake up too, crying loudly.The partitions in this house are so thin that we seem to be sleeping in the same room.I'm leaving early in the morning.I can't stay here another night. You said the same thing last time.When I told Sadie at six o'clock the next morning that I was leaving, she said it brightly.She looks refreshed.Her brown hair was soft and fluffy, and her face was rosy. I don't know how you do it.I need at least eight hours of sleep, preferably ten to twelve hours on Sunday.I'll go to Sheila and Guy's place; they have a room available.Wait until I figure out what to do. You said this sentence last time. That must be a good idea, then. I went to Sheila and Guy's place early in the morning, and it snowed more at night, and even the garbage cans and even the old cars looked beautiful in the soft light.I went away and bought three croissants as a present from a bakery on the way, so now I have only £5.20 left.I'm going to call the bank today.What is my account number?I panicked, lest I couldn't remember the account number, not to mention that so many parts of my life were now gone, as if a delete cursor was randomly deleting in my mind. It was not yet seven o'clock when I knocked on their door, and all the curtains upstairs were drawn.I waited a long time out of politeness, then knocked again, longer and louder.I stepped back from the door and looked up.One of the curtains was parted.A face and bare shoulders emerge from the window. Sheila and Sadie and I have known each other for most of our lives.The three of us were best friends who were often noisy and split up when we were in school.But we've had our teenage years together: exams, periods, boyfriends, expectations.Now Sadie has a baby, Sheila has a husband, and I, uh, I don't seem to have anything worth mentioning right now, except for a story.I tried my best to wave my hand towards the window, and Sheila also turned from frowning and anger to surprise and concern.Her face receded into the curtains, and a few minutes later she was standing in the doorway wearing a loose white bathrobe, her black hair pulled back in a ponytail, revealing a sleepy face.I shoved the bag of croissants into her hand. sorry, i said.If I call first, I'm afraid it will be too early.May I come in? You look like a ghost, she said.what happened to your face This time I have simplified the whole story process and only mentioned the key points.I have only vaguely mentioned the police.I think Sheila and Guy must have been confused, but they showed a little too much enthusiasm to support and welcome me, and treated me with coffee, hot bath, shower, and financial assistance. Clothes, let me use their phone, car, guest room, for as long as I want. Of course, we still have to go to work.Just make this your own home. Did I leave something here? here?No.Maybe there will be some miscellaneous things lying around. So how long was I last?Only one night? no.Well, sort of, I think. What do you mean, be it? You live here on Sunday, and then you don't come back on Monday.You call and say you want to live somewhere else.Then you move your stuff out on Tuesday.You left us a note and two bottles of expensive wine. Then where did I go? they do not know.All they could tell me was that I was hyperactive, pestering them to stay up until the wee hours of Monday, drinking and talking and making beautiful plans for the rest of my life, and then leaving the next day.When they told me about this matter, they secretly exchanged glances, and they didn't know what they had kept from me.Did I behave badly and spit on the carpet?They were just getting ready to go to work when I got back to the kitchen.They were whispering hurriedly in low voices, and when they saw me they fell silent and smiled at me, pretending they were just making arrangements for that evening. So do they, I thought, and I looked away as if I didn't notice anything.That would be the case, especially after Sheila talked to Guy and Sadie, and then they would all tell Lo Bing, and then tip off to Kara, Joey, and Sam.I can imagine them calling each other.Have you heard?So scary!What do you think, I mean, really think?I won't tell anyone. The problem is, friendships are all intrigue, too.You don't want to know what your friends are saying about you to their other friends.You don't want to know what they really think or how loyal and faithful they really are.You should think twice before testing them, you may not be happy with the results of your temptations.