Chapter 27 Chapter Twenty-Five

I ran, running along the road, the biting wind whipping my cheeks, my feet slipping on the icy sidewalk.Where do I go from here?I don't know, I just know that I'm leaving, going somewhere else, doing something else.I've locked the door of that warm house that smells of sawdust, and I don't even have the key.I have to fight alone in the freezing weather again.I thought I'd stand out in my red jacket, but the thought was as fleeting as snowflakes falling and melting.I just ran with my legs racing, my heart beating fast, my breath short of breath, and the faces of houses, trees, cars, and passers-by were all blurred.

I barely stopped at the end of the road and looked around, my heartbeat gradually slowing down.No one seemed to notice me, though whether that was the case was hard to tell.Use your brains, Abby, I told myself, use your brains now, use your brains to survive.But I can't think, at least not at first, I can only feel and wait and see.I saw the vision in my mind: Ben and Zou together, hugging each other.I closed my eyes and saw the darkness, and it felt like the darkness of my lost days, all over again.Those eyes in the pitch black looked at Zou and me.Butterflies on green leaves, trees on hills, a shallow stream, and then clear deep water.I opened my eyes, and the cold and gray world came into view again.

I hit the road again, walking this time, not sure where I was going.I walked through the park and down the hill to Zou's house, even though I knew I shouldn't be there.There was a lot of traffic on the main road, and there were rows of shops selling pastry pies, hats, candles, fish, and I saw Zou's face.I blinked and stared again, of course it wasn't her, just a woman going about her daily life, unaware of how blessed I was. I know I've tracked down Zou's last few hours on Wednesday afternoon when she was still free, and that she was trying to find a kitten.She disappeared on Wednesday afternoon and I disappeared the next day.After spending so much time chasing clues, there are only a few clues, which are pitifully small.

I turned the corner and walked down the street and then into a road leading to Levin Street, and I walked through the narrow streets until I reached the shabby house with the shuttered windows and knocked at the door.I listened and heard a meow; I even thought I heard a faint piss.Then I heard heavy footsteps on the other side of the door, which was pushed open a crack, the chain still hanging, and she stared at me suspiciously.What's up? Betty? What's up? I'm Abby.I came to you two days ago to ask you about my friends. What's up?She said it again. can i go in The chain was undone and the door opened.I stepped into the hot, rancid room. The fluffy cats were running around like a moving carpet, and the smell was overwhelming.Betty was still wearing the blue loose dress with some cat hair missing from the buttons, and the same pair of tattered slippers and thick brown stockings on her feet.I think some of the urine smell is coming from her.She was bony, her arms were like bamboo poles, her fingers were like twigs, and the skin on her tiny face was tangled into pouches.

You are here again.You have to pester me, don't you? There is something I forgot to ask you. What? You said you have seen my friend, Zou?She didn't answer.The one who came to find the kitten, you said she couldn't have a cat because I know who you are referring to.she says. I didn't ask the guy you came with me.Wait a moment.I rummaged through my headshots from work in my bag.he. She took a quick glance.how? Do you recognize him? I think so. No, I mean, did you know him before?before. You lady is really confused.she says.She held out a hand to a ginger kitten that was coquettishly next to her lap, and the cat jumped up and rubbed its chin against her fingers, purring like an engine.

What I want to know is, did you meet him before he came with me? before? Have you met this person more than once?I can't wait to ask. when did i see him Yes. What? I mean, yeah, when did you meet him?I'm already starting to feel a little annoyed. I have told you this.I said when did I see him.Yes is not the answer. I rub my eyes.I just wanted to know if you had seen him before the day before yesterday, that's all. There are all kinds of people who come here.Was he sent by the community management committee? no he is Because if he was sent by the community management committee, I wouldn't let him in the door.

He was not sent by the community management committee. You know, cats are very clean by nature. yes.I answered listlessly. And some people think they are bad because of the way they hunt.But that's just their nature. I know. I would not give a cat to a household that would let them come and go freely.That's what I told your friend.When she said she would let the cat go outside, I told her it wasn't appropriate.It will be run over by a car. yes thank you.I'm sorry to bother you.I turned to leave. Not like those hippies, you pay attention. those hippies? That's right, they don't test first.She sniffed disapprovingly.

These, uh, these hippies have lots of cats, like you? Not like me, she said.not like. Have you ever mentioned them to Zou? perhaps.she says. Betty, where do they live? I don't know why I feel this has to be so urgent.As if I feared the thread would break.I knew where Zou was going after Betty left or, at least, where she might have gone, and that was enough for me.Now I've tracked her down to the last hour or two of her last day.Everything else faded away, all I could see was her fading figure as I staggered along in her footsteps.But who is following me?Who is following me? Betty called them hippies, but from her description of them, with their hairstyles in braids or strings and their tattered and patched clothes, I guessed they were so-called new-generation travelers with countercultural tendencies who wandered the world.She said they lived in an abandoned church in Islington, and I prayed to myself that they hadn't left yet.I hurried back to Main Street to hail a taxi.Since I don't know the detailed address but the approximate location, I asked the female driver to drive me to the Angel District, and then I went on foot.I keep turning my head, I keep searching for faces I've seen before.I didn't see anyone, but the uneasy feeling I'd had to wait was still there.I sat on the front edge of my seat, anxious about traffic jams and red lights.

It was getting dark or, at least, it was starting to turn from light to dark when we arrived in the Angel District.I no longer know the time or even remember what day it is today.It's work day, I know that.Most people are at work, sitting in warm offices, drinking coffee from vending machines, and attending meetings they consider important.I paid the driver and got out, dodging around five or six small puddles.A few flakes of snow drifted down from the cloudy sky, and I pulled up the collar of my jacket and started walking. Parts of the church were painted in primary colors, and there was an uneven rainbow painted on the wooden-framed door.A pink, rusted bicycle leans against the wall, alongside an old wheelbarrow full of firewood and another full of cans.A van was parked next to the church, painted with swirls and flowers, and the curtains on all the windows were drawn.There was a big dun dog sniffing tires.

I lifted the knocker and let it slam down on the door, which was ajar ajar. Push the door and come in.cried a woman. The interior of the church was dimly lit, and the brick stove on the floor filled the room with smoke.A group sat or squatted around the fire, some wrapped in blankets or huddled in sleeping bags, and one of them had a guitar but didn't intend to play it.I saw other figures at the back of the church, where there were pews, and cushions and bags on the floor.There was a big crack in the stained glass. Hi.I said hesitantly.Sorry to just barge in. You are welcome.Said a short-haired woman with rings on her eyebrows, nose, lips, and chin.She leaned forward, a large string of heavy brass bracelets on her arms.

My name is Abby, I said, and I shook her hand as she wore gloves.i just want to ask Well, we know your name is Abby, at least I do.A few of us have been here for only a few days.I'm Krystal remember?Did you cut your hair?Whatever, sit down, Crystal said.Would you like some tea?Bobby just made some.Bobby!One more cup of tea. We have guests.You don't add sugar, right?See, I remember it well. Bobby came with muddy tea in a pewter mug.He was a small man with a timid white face, his field trousers baggy, and his heavy sweater made his neck look even smaller. thanks, i say.I've been here before, right? We still have some beans, would you like some? Don't bother, I said.Thanks. The man with the guitar fiddled with the strings, making a few messy notes.He grinned at me, and I saw his mouth full of black, rotten teeth.I'm Lense, he said.Called Allen for short.I came here after the protests yesterday, the first time I've spent the night on solid ground in weeks.where are you from I realized that I looked like a homeless bum, that I became one of them, that I didn't have to try to behave myself here.I sat quietly by the fire and took a swig of the bitter, warm tea.The smoke from the fire hurt my eyes. Honestly, I don't know where I come from either, I said.But Betty mentioned you to me. Betty? The old woman with the house full of cats, Crystal said.You also mentioned her to us last time. I nodded, feeling a strange calm.I have no desire to fight, and maybe it doesn't matter if I die.I probably did, I said.I have probably asked you about my friend Zou. That's right, Zou. I asked you if she had been here. Would you like a cigarette?Bobby said. OK.I said.I took the thin cigarette he handed me, and Allen lit it for me.I took a sip and coughed, feeling nauseous.I took another breath.has she been here? Yes, Crystal said.She looks at me.Are you okay? I'm fine. Come, have some beans.She picked up a can of white lentils by the fire, inserted a plastic spoon and handed it to me.I took a big bite.It's unpalatable.I took another bite.I smoked a cigarette, inhaling the pungent smoke into my lungs. Great, I say.Thanks.So Zou has been here, right? right.But I already told you. I have amnesia.I said. I also have a bit of amnesia.As Allen spoke, he fiddled with a few more notes.A man pushed open the door of the church and came in with a cart. He threw a few more logs into the fire and leaned over to kiss Crystal.They kissed endlessly. So she came here looking for kittens?I asked after they finished kissing. Because that Crazy Betty thinks we have cats here. You didn't raise it? Did you see the cat? No. I mean, we had a few stray cats because we used to supply them with milk and food.And some of us were part of a raid last month that freed a laboratory of cats. But I don't know how she ever heard about us. I don't know either, I said.So she came and went? Zou? Yes. She donated some money to sponsor our event.Five pounds, I think. that's all? Yes. Oh alright.I said looking around.Maybe I could join them as a wandering traveler, eating canned beans, sleeping on the floor or in a tree, and rolling cigarettes until my fingers turn yellow.That is very different from designing an office. But I also said that she might as well find Arnold.Slater try it. Arnold.Slater? We sent him a few stray cats, that's when the dogs started chasing the cats.He is in a wheelchair but can still take care of them. So did she go to him? She said she might.You said the same thing, I mean last time.Pretty incredible, huh?Like deja vu.Can you believe in deja vu? certainly.I just keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again, I said.I threw the cigarette butts into the fire and drank the tea.Thanks, I said, and turned suddenly to Bobby.You have a big tattoo of a spider, right? He blushed and pulled his jumper up, a tattoo of a spider's web on his flat white belly that stretched out of sight on his back.This is.He said. But where did the spider go?I asked. You said the same thing last time. Obviously I've been consistent along the way.I said. It was dark when I left the church, though it was not night yet.I can see the halo behind the clouds.Arnold.Slater lived a two minute walk away, he was old and in a wheelchair, and Zou thought she might as well go see him, and I thought I might as well follow Zou to see him. The cell phone I took when I left Ben's residence started ringing, which gave me a huge shock.I stepped back to the sidewalk, reached into my pocket, took out my phone, and pressed the call button without thinking. Hello?I said. Abby!Where the hell have you been, Abby?what do you wantI'm worried as hell.I've been calling home all day and you haven't picked up, so I'm back and you're not there class.I said. I waited and waited.I thought you were going shopping or something, and then I saw my phone wasn't plugged into a charging socket, so I took a chance and called.When are you going to go home? go home? Abby, when are you going to come back? I'm not going back.I said. What? You and Zou.I know about Zou, and I know that you once dated her. listen to me first abby why don't you tell meWhy, Ben? I'm afraid You are afraid, I said.you. God, Abby said, but I hit the end button.I gripped my phone tightly and stared at it as if it was going to bite.Then I browse the names in the phone's address book.I didn't know anyone until I saw Zou.amber.I recognized the number because it was her home phone number.But there is another one: Zou.Amber (mobile phone).I pressed the dial button and heard the bell ring, and just as I was about to give up, someone said softly: Hello.It was so thin I could hardly hear it, and whispers sounded the same in the dark anyway. I didn't say a word, I just stood there with my phone pressed to my cheek.I managed to catch my breath and I heard his very thin breathing.Inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale.My veins felt cold, and I closed my eyes to listen.He didn't say anything more.I had an indescribable feeling that he knew it was me, and he knew I knew it was him.I can feel him smiling.