Chapter 30 Chapter Twenty Eight

I retreated to a corner in the back, away from the doorway, and hid in the shadows, behind a rusted and unrecognizable piece of machinery.This machine has wheels, gears, bolts, and nothing else.Even if he looked in my direction, he probably couldn't see me.Chances are, the word is confusing.I move as far back as possible.I feel my neck, my short-haired scalp against the clammy wall.He showed up, I found him by mistake, and I fell into my nightmare again, which made me suddenly feel nauseous. Then, when I saw him, my first feeling was that there must be a mistake.When he was just a voice in the dark, I imagined him as a monster with a strong back and a strong waist, a demon god who could determine my reward and punishment, hunger, life and death.

Now I see his flesh and blood in the light, only here and there in detail, a rough coat, his gray hair combed and parted over his balding head.I couldn't see his face at all, and he had a floral scarf covering most of it.To a stranger it might look like dust protection, but I know what it does, it's to muffle his voice.He came in muttering to himself, carrying a zinc bucket in his hand, which he threw on the ground with a clang.I can't associate the demon god in my memory with this shambling, ragged, unremarkable man.He looked like someone who would clean windows or sweep floors without making you look twice.He talks to Sarah as if she's a troublesome pig who needs to be cleaned up.

How are you?He said, arranging things beside her, I couldn't see how he arranged them.Sorry I was away for a while.busy.But I'll be here for a while now, and I've made time for you. He went out, and for a moment I considered running for my life.But almost then he turned back with something he didn't know, which he slammed on the ground.Maybe a toolbox.He came in and out, carrying or dragging things in from the yard outside.Most of these things were in the dark, but I noticed an unlit lantern, a welding torch, and some empty knapsacks, the kind you normally use for sports equipment.I could only crouch in the dark, trying not to move, holding my breath.The chaff rustled under my feet as I shifted; I grunted when I swallowed, and he must have heard my thundering heartbeat, the rush of my blood, the scream in my throat Voice?

During his brief absence, I reached into my pocket, clutching Ben's phone.Gently, oh, very slowly, I pulled it out close to my face.I hold the phone and press a button to make the little screen light up.There was a very faint beep that sounded like a doorbell, did he hear it?No chance to speak but can I text or just dial 119?I look at the screen.How could he turn a blind eye to the light in the darkness?There are three short lines in the upper right corner of the screen, which means the battery is almost full.On the left hand side, there should have been a pattern that looked like four flowers, representing the strength of the reception.But at this time there is only one flower, that is, no signal can be received at all.There is no way I can make or receive calls.I put the phone back in my pocket.

I want to cry and curse and scrape stones with my fingernails.As soon as I saw Sarah, I should have gone out and called for help. It should have been so easy, but instead, I repeated the same mistakes and found myself in danger again.I am doomed and cursed.I looked over at him, a silhouette in the dim light from outside. I ran my options in my head: I could run to the door and try to escape and call for help from the hopeless one, who was at the door, even if he wasn't expecting him, there was still no chance.I can hit him, bang him on the head hard, knock him unconscious Can I bully him in without him hearing?Can I catch them off guard?The chances seemed slim.No, the only hope I have left is to hold back and hope he'll go away and I'll be ready to move.

The thought of having to hide silently in the shadows made me want to lie on the cold floor and cry.I feel so tired and I want to sleep.Maybe I don't want to die, but I almost want to die, at least the dead will not feel pain and fear.What is the point of resisting death? Then, before I knew it, I started to feel differently.Watching him nonchalantly scurrying in and out of the poor girl who was tied up on the straw, I began to feel like I was looking at myself.I think of the days when there were nooses around the neck and hoods on the face.I am a person who has been there, once faced the abyss and was slaughtered by others. I remembered how I felt at that time: I had completely given up hope of survival.I prayed for a chance to run at him before I died, gouge out an eye, scratch him all over, try to do him some damage.Now my chance has come.I can't beat him, the chances are slim.But if he finds me, at least I can prevent him from getting out, but I need something.I feel a little regretful, and now I'd trade what I had for a kitchen knife or self-defense spray.I immediately told myself not to dwell on it anymore, I was here, unarmed, and anything I could lay my hands on would be useful.

I squatted down and began to grope around in the dark, step by step, praying secretly that I wouldn't knock anything over.My right hand touched something cold.A tin can, presumed to be a paint can by its size.I pushed tentatively.It's an empty can and doesn't do much for me.I feel a handle next to the jar.The hope was strong but it turned out to be just a paintbrush, the bristles all dried and sticky.Nothing, no chisel, no screwdriver, no steel bar, nothing I could hold in my hand.I stood up again, feeling my knees click.How could he not hear?I had to wait until he was gone before I could go out and call the police and untie Sarah.

The man was arranging things, I couldn't see what he was doing, but I could hear him muttering to himself.He reminded me of my father's weekends, the only happy times in his life, when he would trim garden hedges, paint window frames, assemble bookcases. The man was untying the cables around Sarah's neck.Oh yes, that bucket.The hooded figure was dragged forward, her trousers ripped down, and she squatted over the bucket, his hands clasped around her neck.I heard the drums ticking. Well done my beauty.He murmured, pulling her pants up again. He skillfully wrapped the cable back around her neck, and she couldn't escape again, but his movements were gentle, and this girl seemed to please him more than me.He never called me his beauty, his tone was always gruff, and he always scared me to the point of collapse.

You've lost weight, he said.I think we're ready.You are lovely, Sarah.Cute and not like the others. He stepped back and looked at her.I heard metal rasps and then a flash of light.He lit the lantern, and it lit up the room, and I shrank back behind the machine.He inspected Sarah, murmured approvingly, and stroked her bare arm, running his fingers along the way, like stroking a horse to see if its fever had subsided.He put the lantern on the ground, raised his arms high, and pressed his hands behind his head.He looked like he had just woken up, was yawning and stretching, and I saw him undoing his scarf.It takes a long tug to untie the knot, and then he pulls the scarf off so that, for the first time, I see his face in the flickering orange light of the lantern.

That means nothing to me, I don't recognize the face, I don't know him.And then, suddenly and uncannily, as if with a slight shift in focus everything was in focus and the image was sharp and clear, even in the light of a flickering lantern.My frenzy subsided, and even my fears vanished like a cloud.What I wanted to know, I now see at a glance, even my thoughts are clear and distinct.I can't remember, my memory hasn't come back, and I haven't been surprised to see his tawny face and recognize who it was.But I already know what I must know. I used to think the problem was me.I had a lackluster life, my stupid job and miserable relationships, and the guy I thought and fantasized and worried that he was over there saw it in me.I was killing myself, I brought it on, and he saw it, so we were like a match made in heaven, we depended on each other.I was already revealing my own destruction.

Now I know that's not true.Maybe I've been too headstrong, moody, and disorganized, but I've fallen into the wrong hands. Not only that, but I'll never be sure, but I'm guessing Zou met him, she was eager, weak, desperate, a perfect victim for him; and I followed her footsteps out of fear for Zou's safety In the end, I also met him.That miserable wretch over there has nothing to do with my life, the meteorite that fell on me, the earthquake that cracked the ground beneath my feet.And that's the intriguing part. I was over there, hiding in the dark and knowing that I was trapped, but I felt that I was no longer controlled by him. I can't remember what happened and never will.But now I sort of know what happened a few weeks ago.I had been one of the multitude, and then by accident I intruded into his domain, into his eccentricity.How would you describe a fight in general?I've read or heard that the winner is the first striker.I think I should be able to guess what happened.I'm looking for Zou.This man, this insignificant little person, who was originally only a part of the background, a part of the furniture, suddenly jumped to the foreground, dragging me out of my world and into his world.That has nothing to do with my world, except that I'm going to die in it.I imagined myself being taken off guard by someone I hadn't even noticed, and it was too late to fight back, my head was banging against the wall, or I'd been beaten with a club. I thought to myself, what should I do if he sees me?I forced myself to think about how he had treated me.This horrific memory that I had spent weeks trying to suppress was now dragging itself to the forefront of my mind.They were like a badly inflamed, decayed, infected tooth, and I licked my tongue over the cavity, reminding myself how painful it would be.Then I looked at the man, coaxing Sarah around like she was a sheep about to squeeze into a shed, patting her, muttering sweet words, and putting the tools in place spare.He is both a tireless and caring lover, but also a busy and ruthless butcher. She's obviously not listening because he slaps her face. what are you doing babyHe said.There must have been some groaning coming from inside the hood, but I couldn't hear it.Did I hurt you?What?What's up?Wait a minute, baby. I heard him breathing, oh yes, I remember the hoarse breathing as he was busy pulling the gag out. What's wrong?He said.You keep trying to break free. After the cloth was pulled out, she coughed non-stop, panting while coughing. Okay, okay, my little Qingqing, pay attention to your neck. I was suffocating, she said: "I thought I was going to die. that's all? no no. Suspicion began to spread like a stain in my brain. I could already see what was going to happen, but I wasn't afraid.I'm dead, that doesn't matter anymore. Otherwise what's wrong? I don't want to die, she said.I'm willing to do anything as long as I can survive. You stupid little bitch.I've told you already, I don't want anything.They didn't pay the ransom, did I tell you that?They didn't pay the ransom, do you know why?Because I didn't ask for a ransom.Hehehe.He laughed heartily at his own joke. If I tell you one thing, one really important thing.Will you spare my life? what kind of thing? But are you willing? A few seconds of silence ensued, in which he felt bewildered. tell me first.he said softly. Sarah didn't speak, she just started sobbing. Fuck you tell me. Do you agree?You promised to spare my life? Tell me first, he said.Then I will let you go. Pause for a long time.I could count how many breaths Sarah took as I waited for her to say what I could imagine she would say. There are others here.let me go now. What are you doing? When he stood up and looked around, I stepped out of the shadows and walked towards him.I thought about jumping at him but that wasn't the best strategy, he was nearly ten yards away and he could handle it with ease.I looked at the doorway behind him, and it was as far away as the moon.He narrowed his eyes, trying to make out as I emerged from the shadows away from the door. you?He said, dumbfounded.Abby.what the fuck I took a step closer to him.I didn't look at Sarah, I looked straight into his eyes. I found you, I said.I'm looking for you, I can't leave. Fuck you I've been looking for you, he said, looking around, obviously flustered.Is there anyone else here? I came by myself, I said.I held up my hands towards him.Look, I'm unarmed. What the fuck are you doing here?He said.I've got you now.Fuck you you ran away.I got you. I smiled.I feel so peaceful now that nothing matters.I think again of those days in the dark, my tongue licking that decayed tooth.Think back, relive the nightmare. What do you mean you caught me?I said.I'm back, that's what I want to come back. You will regret it later, he said.Fuck you you will regret it later. I take another step forward.What do you want her to do?I said.I'm listening to the two of you.I'm one step closer.We were now only a few steps apart.I heard you call her baby, I think it should be me.Isn't that funny? His face was alert again.That's not funny.He said. I took another step forward.I miss you.I said. Fuck you you ran away.He said. I'm scared, I said.But then I thought about it.You know me, you control me, no one has ever known me like you, and I want to know you too. He smiled.You are crazy, really. That's all right, I said.I am here and I am in your hands.Just one more thing.Take another step.We were very close now. What's up? During that time, when we were together, you were just a voice in the dark, taking care of me and feeding me.I've been thinking about you and want to know what you look like.can you let me kiss youI moved my face closer to his.He has a strange smell, sweet and chemical.Just one click.That's okay.Close, such an ordinary face, nothing scary, nothing special.Look at me, I said, with both hands outstretched, palms open and empty.I'm just here, in front of you.Just touch it.As I leaned forward, I thought of him not as a man but as the head of a sheep.That's important.I imagined the severed head of a dead sheep.Just one kiss.We were both very lonely, so lonely.Just click.I touch his lips with mine.It's almost there now, it's almost there, take your time.I've been wanting to see through.another kiss.I brought my hands up to his face and stroked his cheeks gently with my palms.Wait a minute, wait a minute.The head of a dead sheep.Tongue licks tooth decay.With my face thrown back, I looked at him wistfully, and then I poked my thumbs into his eyes.It was just an eye in the head of a dead sheep that had imprisoned me in the dark and tortured me.I know my thumb nails are long, and my other fingers clawed at the sides of his head, and the thumb nails dug into his eyes, and I watched with relish as my thumbs dug into his head, Scraping left and right in the eye socket, at this time the thumb was covered with liquid, a soft yellow mucus, like pus. I thought he was going to grab me.I thought he was going to kill me.Cut me to pieces.He didn't even touch me and I was able to pull back and pull my slimy thumb out.He let out a deep roar, a long howl, he covered his face, bowed his body and writhed on the ground, exasperated, whimpering and howling. I took a step back, out of reach of the maggot-like creature wriggling and squeaking on the ground.I took a tissue from my pocket and wiped my thumb.I took a few deep breaths to fill my lungs with air.I feel like a drowning swimmer, rising to the surface to breathe in the living, fine, clean air.