Chapter 4 4

My mother knew I was different from everyone else, and she was always afraid that I might be let down.If I was desperate for something, she would find a way to let me know how I might fail.She worked hard to lower my expectations so that I would not suffer. But if all risk-taking involves preparing to fail, success won't be the goal.I can't live like that again. There is absolutely no way I can live like that again now. Rune was everything I ever wanted, I always wanted to meet someone like him, and then suddenly, there he was, he meant more to me than life itself. I have asked you many times, please let me know, is that why I have to be punished?

Oh God!Does our carnality lead us to sin?Is it because sin is too great for you to ignore human carnal desires?Can't enjoy the love that humans have for each other?You took him away from me, but you never welcomed him into your kingdom. God, I asked you: what must you do to forgive him? If there is a will, it must first be proved that the person who made the will is dead, and the will will take effect as long as he dies.The converse is also true, since a will is not valid as long as the testator lives.The previous relationship must therefore be celebrated in blood, because by law blood purifies everything, and until the blood is shed, forgiveness is not possible.

Lord, I thank You for letting me know what I should do.