Chapter 15 1. Wandering

Tokyo, Yuxi, Ocean, Taiwan Independence I remember living in the country when I was a child, and I really liked watching adults build houses.The country people are very poor, and they can only use local materials for everything.They first fully mixed the mud and rice straw, then filled it into a wooden square grid, and put it aside to expose it to the sun.When the lumps of mud are dry, they are used to build walls.The mud bricks were piled up one by one, and the appearance of the house gradually took shape. Not every mud brick can withstand stacking, and sometimes the soil will disperse when the wooden lattice is removed.Sometimes after a few pieces have been piled up, the ones below can't bear the pressure, collapse, and have to start all over again.

Aren't college students who have completed four years of education just like mud bricks that have been exposed to the sun?I am very clear that what I have learned in four years is just a little more understanding of myself. I feel like a waste brick with too much straw and not enough soil.what can i doI am afraid that in the end, it will only be thrown aside and rot together with the grass and trees! Of course I am not reconciled, even if sooner or later I will die with the grass and trees, I will record my experiences one by one, just like "John Christopher", to comfort those lonely and helpless souls.

If I really want to achieve this goal, I still need to experience and expand my horizons.Otherwise, with a well-bottom frog hiding deep in the dark, what else can I write about? The purpose of life is determined, and I feel extremely relaxed in my heart. In order to experience life, all gains and losses are not important.Gain is of course gain, but loss is another kind of gain?If I can carefully analyze and organize the various opportunities and factors between gains and losses, when it is time for me to write, it will be a matter of course. Therefore, I decided to go to a world I didn't know at all, and finally chose Brazil, a second home that I will never forget, a holy place where I was reborn from the ashes.

In August 1963, I said goodbye to my family, left Taiwan, and first went to Japan in order to obtain a visa for Brazil.My father's friend Yao Shihui had already greeted me, saying that someone from the embassy in Japan would come to pick me up, so I could rest assured. When I got off the plane, I saw a girl crying in the cabin seat.The reason was that she brought too much luggage, no less than a dozen pieces of large and small bags.Someone might see her off when she got on the plane, but when she arrived in Tokyo, she found it difficult to deal with and was so anxious that she was at a loss.

Seeing that my hands were empty, the stewardess asked me to carry them for her.This is of course no problem. Seeing her petite appearance, I originally planned to recommend myself.When I arrived at the airport, while waiting for my luggage, she told me that she was going to the United States to get married.Because she couldn't get a visa to go to the United States in Taiwan, she came to Japan, and the ambassador to Japan guaranteed that she could make the trip. She saw that I was a little surprised, and told me that her father was the director of the Tobacco and Alcohol Sales Bureau and a celebrity in front of Chiang Ching-kuo, so everyone sold them.However, she is also a little puzzled:

Why are Americans so stupid?Everyone knows that Chiang Ching-kuo will definitely become president, and my father is an important person, but they don't want to lose face even when I'm going to the United States? I don't understand why everyone wants to go to the United States?What I especially don't understand is, what does such an important person go to the United States for? There are four suitcases in her, which are big and heavy, plus more than a dozen large and small bags.The trailer alone takes up two.Since I had to rely on others to pick me up, I kept thinking to myself, should I just leave her behind when I get out of the airport?She asked me first:

Someone will pick me up later, do you want us to give you a ride? I also have someone to pick it up, but I don't know where to go yet. Two gentlemen came to the embassy. The first one was in a neat suit. He obviously knew her. As soon as he saw her, he greeted her first and greeted her father.Then, without further ado, she asked another gentleman to carry her several large pieces of luggage onto the waiting car one by one.The gentleman kept apologizing, saying that the Japanese government was unreasonable and would not allow them to use diplomatic procedures to clear customs for her. After all the things were moved, he seemed to remember something again, and said to her in a hurry:

Miss Wang, can I trouble you to wait a moment?It's really annoying, there is another person named Zhu, I have to deal with it, I don't know where he is now, I will look for it. Some people don't know Taishan, I said: My name is Zhu Bangfu, are you looking for me? Only then did he realize that I was right next to him, he was taken aback, and immediately changed his expression: Sorry, sorry, so you are Miss Wang's friend! Before I had time to deny it, that Miss Wang pulled me secretly, so I didn't bother to say more. When we got in the car, Ms. Wang quietly said to me:

This man is a sycophant, my dad likes him the most, and said he will be transferred to Washington next year.Let me take care of him this time, just say you are my friend, come and play with me when you are free, so as to save me from being bored in Tokyo. When Ms. Wang arrived at the land, it was a magnificent villa with several servants waiting in line.That gentleman reminded and exhorted thousands of times, for fear that something might go wrong and ruin his future.I could see that Ms. Wang was very impatient, and repeatedly hinted that I would go to her, and also left her address and phone number.I finally said goodbye, and the car took me to a coffee shop in Kabukicho, Shinjuku District, Tokyo. It was already late at night.

I sympathize with this Miss Wang, but I can't protect myself, and I don't have the time to accompany her to entertain her. Mr. Zhao, the owner of the coffee shop, seems to be very busy, and he can't be found anywhere.Fortunately, everything was arranged properly, and I had a tatami place in the staff dormitory on the fourth floor. It was the first time I went abroad, and it was the first time I lived in a foreign world. I was already mentally prepared to study everything and observe everywhere.I found that the Japanese do not have the domineering attitude that I imagined. On the contrary, they are courteous and hardworking.What amazes me the most is that they are human beings just like us, with the same strengths and weaknesses as the Chinese.Apart from material conditions that are far superior to ours, social injustice, unequal status, the concept of the jungle, selfishness, and self-importance are exactly the same as those of the Chinese I know.

The coffee shop is at the corner of one of the most lively alleys in Kabukicho, Ginza, and the business is very good.The first floor is family seats, which are bright and grand; the second floor is lovers seats, the sofa backs are high enough to reach people, which just divides each private seat into a small restricted area, and the atmosphere is very romantic; the third floor is The box overlooks the stage performance on the second floor. When it is not open, it is pitch black. At the entrance downstairs, there is a waiter who opens and closes the door for the guests. Every time he bows and says: Welcome, with a smile on his face.At one point I spent a couple of hours watching carefully to see if he was slacking off or slacking off.It turned out that he was robot-like from beginning to end, with meticulous movements. In order to experience it, I learned this Japanese sentence (and it is one of the few sentences I still speak today), and volunteered to stand on duty for him, opening and closing doors and bowing in the same way, but only did it for twenty minutes , I began to wonder if my nerves were abnormal. From morning to night every day, there is Obasan who does cleaning work from upstairs to downstairs.That focus and care is like engaging in a kind of artistic work, fully shining the brilliance of her life on the neat furnishings.What makes me feel respectable is more than that. She carefully collected all the filth and dust, and then piously held it in front of an incinerator. During incineration. This is beyond work, beyond responsibility, beyond art, it's religion!If even such a humble cleaning worker has this kind of belief and sentiment, I believe that there must be a deep potential power in all classes and society in Japan, and sooner or later it will be a new world. (Sure enough, in the 1980s, Japan's economic power shocked the world, and there is good reason for that.) But people are people after all, and most people still cannot get rid of the drive of human instinct.I often see those young waiters lingering in the dark third floor.Out of curiosity, I also squeezed to the railing of the box, only to realize that the scene is full of life and fragrance, and the spring is boundless.In the small restricted area on the second floor, men and women are entangled with each other, as if tormenting in hell.Looking at those movements and expressions, it is clear that there is incomparable pain, and each one is struggling, as if asking for the final relief. Although the problem of living has been solved, the money on hand is limited, and the prices in Tokyo are astonishing.I only eat fried rice for every meal, but even a meal of fried rice costs one or two dollars.It's not easy to come to Tokyo, I can't miss the opportunity to see it, sometimes I would rather only eat one meal a day, but run around Tokyo. What I appreciate the most is the subway, the fare is cheap, and it goes everywhere.And obviously, at the beginning of the design, the topography has been fully utilized, and each exit corridor is a huge and prosperous underground shopping mall.As a result, in a metropolis with a population of tens of millions, the streets on the ground are clean and orderly, without any clutter and congestion. I walked around and watched, and the more I watched, the more I regretted the ignorance and incompetence of Chinese society.Everyone only cares about the present, seeks short-term benefits, and waits for others to make sacrifices and dedications. In the end, no one gains anything.From the fall of a leaf, it can be seen that autumn is coming. When I organized club activities in school, most of the students were busy with their own future. No one thought that this group had any personal relationship with him.After entering the society, naturally no one is willing to take responsibility except for their own interests. The Japanese are not the same. Once I happened to walk to a stadium. It seemed that two universities were holding a big fall competition. The scene was crowded with people.I have no interest in baseball, but I am horrified by the frenzy of the crowd.There was loud shouting inside the arena, and everyone outside the arena gathered around the radio, sharing the same passion.Although the game cannot be seen outside the field, the cheerleading teams of the two schools have distinct barriers.Regardless of men, women, young or old, without exception, they always adhere to a certain position.When the team scored, everyone cheered, and when the team lost a point, everyone was silent. I have never seen this kind of scene in China since I was a child!Which Chinese would be foolish enough to waste their precious energy for a game that does not yield real benefits?I have participated in many intercollegiate basketball games, and there are always more players than spectators on the court.No matter where Chinese students go, they always have a few books in their hands.When encountering someone playing on the court, they mostly turned a blind eye and strode past with their heads held high. This result has led to mutual envy among Chinese people, and individuals are fighting for their own interests alone.The Japanese dedicate themselves more and pin their hopes on the achievements of the group. Individuals become part of the group, and their strength gathers into a torrent. Of course, human nature and the environment are absolutely dependent. Japan is an island country with a small arable area and a large population, but natural disasters such as earthquakes and typhoons are frequent.People are under the threat of nature day and night, in order to survive, unity or not has become a necessary condition for success or failure in experience.In China, on the contrary, tens of thousands of years of agricultural tradition have cultivated the stability and stability of people's hearts.Although it has been ruled by foreign races in history, due to the large population of the place, no country or nation has ever been able to completely shake the Chinese people's long-standing concepts and deep-rooted living habits.Therefore, even if the dynasties are constantly changing, the national character of the Chinese people remains the same. This cognition of cause and effect makes me feel awe-inspiring, and the world is obviously very fair.If the Chinese can unite as sincerely as the Japanese, their strength will be ten or a hundred times greater than that of Japan?With the greedy instinct of human nature, is this the blessing of human beings?So, should I stand from the standpoint of the Chinese, or should I look at the world from the standpoint of human beings? In a travel agency that handles visas for Pakistan, I met a young Chinese surnamed Shen. He lives in Ikebukuro and his father is a real estate tycoon.He had nothing to do all day, driving around in a car.Because we are about the same age, and I am also a wandering soul, so I happen to be his companion. He is a typical rich boy, the money on his body is like the source of the Yangtze River, which will never run out.But he was full of resentful passions, always complaining, and never satisfied with what was in front of him.He always took me to some dark little bars, and once in, I would walk with a bottle of John, and I would never give up until my tongue and teeth stuck together. At first, I thought he was generous and hospitable by nature, even though he didn't have the capacity to drink, he had to risk his life to accompany a gentleman.When he gradually became familiar with him, his mental defenses were no longer fortified, and he began to cry whenever he drank. I had the experience of using alcohol to relieve my sorrows, and I knew that drinking could not solve the problem. I slowly persuaded him, only to realize that his problems also came from his family.He fell in love with a Japanese girl. The two had already talked about marriage, but the family members were unanimously opposed and their attitude was firm, so they didn't know what to do. How much do you love her? If I cannot marry her, I shall die!He spoke with absolute clarity. Really that serious? What are you doing?I've made up my mind, and she agrees to die with me. Why do you have to ask for death?Now that it has reached this point, just ignore the family and just get married. It's not that simple. Is she not willing?I thought of my little sister. This kind of thing requires two people to agree. No, she would love to. So what's the problem? There are so many questions, do you know that getting married requires money! Simply put, it's better than suffering like this.I knew the key point, he couldn't do without his father's shade, he was used to spending money since he was a child, and he didn't have the skills to make a living. This problem is indeed difficult to solve. I would rather suffer like this!I found words not speculative. Can you tell me, what is the benefit of this?Could this change your father? why not?He is not drunk at all: I go back drunk every day, which makes his heart hurt and makes him sad, and one day he will agree, otherwise, who can he give so much money in the future? As if enlightened, I learned another lesson. The visa to Pakistan has been issued, and the sailing date has also arrived.The day before my departure, out of courtesy, I called to say goodbye to Mr. Zhao and thank him for his care.It was only then that Mr. Zhao remembered that there was a person like me living in his shop.He said he wanted to invite me to dinner, but I politely declined, not wishing to disturb him any further. I went to Ueno Park for a day of shopping. The quiet and beautiful environment made me wonder if there is such a beautiful world, although the world is turbulent, is it too much to worry about?When I returned to the store in the evening, I felt an unusual atmosphere as soon as I entered the door. The family seats downstairs were empty, and only a few people were sitting or standing in the deserted hall.As soon as the waiter saw me, he told me mysteriously that the person was looking for me. My Japanese is poor, so I didn't know who he was talking about, so I walked over cautiously, relying on the fact that I didn't do anything wrong.A middle-aged man with a red face and a very happy appearance was sitting on the sofa, with a woman and a boy in his teens standing behind him.As soon as the middle-aged man saw me, he asked in Mandarin with a slight Japanese accent: Are you Mr. Zhu? yes please My surname is Zhao, I am sorry that you have been here for more than a month, I only found out today.He moved forward slightly and stretched out his hand, as if he wanted to give me some kind of favor.It turned out to be him!I hurried over to shake hands with him and said goodbye for a long time. Everyone in Japan is very polite. When they meet each other, they bow at ninety degrees.Although he is my elder, but seeing that arrogant demeanor, I feel disgusted in my heart.What puzzled me especially was that the two people standing behind him seemed to be his family members, but they didn't look like them.Take my family as an example, no matter how strict my father was, he never asked us to stand behind him like guards whenever there were outsiders. Mr. Zhao waved his hand and asked me to sit down. After a few perfunctory words, I said: Uncle Zhao, I have disturbed you too much since I came to Tokyo, it is getting late now, you should rest. He hummed, but didn't get up. After a moment of silence, he suddenly asked: Are you a descendant of Zhu Yuanzhang? No, our ancestors were Zhu Wengong and Zhu Xi. Ah, Zhu Wengong is amazing, he is a loyal minister of the Great Song Dynasty.As soon as I heard it, there was something in the words, and I remembered that his surname was Zhao, which was the surname of Song Dynasty. Could it be that he still had that feudal concept?I think it's very interesting, think about it, I might as well do what he likes, if it makes him happy, it can be regarded as my return of favor to him. Yes, it's a pity that times have changed, and today the kingly way is gone. In this kind of society that flaunts democracy and freedom, everyone is only interested in profit.I said with emotion. His face changed slightly, he looked directly at me, pondered for a moment, and said: ah?What makes you say that?Isn't the democratic era everyone's ideal? Democracy has the benefits of democracy. Only when the people's knowledge level is high enough and their living conditions are high can there be real democracy.But now China is too poor, and ordinary people do not have enough knowledge and conditions. This kind of democracy is just a cover for a few ambitious people to deceive the majority of ignorant people, so that they can get whatever they want. So you are against democracy? Don't be afraid of the old man's jokes. To be honest, I don't have a full understanding of politics.At the same time, I also believe that before understanding politics, one should first understand people.If you don't understand people, how can you satisfy people's needs?If the needs of people's hearts are ignored, any method and system to solve human problems will only be temporary, one way today and another tomorrow.No matter how you change it, and change it back and forth, it will not be able to solve the most basic human problems. Well, well said, very few young people have your opinion.A smile spread across his face. Thank you, my opinion is very immature. Don't be humble, you are right, in ancient China we emphasized people's hearts, so there was a so-called peaceful and prosperous time, and the common people could live and work in peace and contentment.Unfortunately He suddenly stopped talking, and looked at me intentionally or unintentionally, obviously wanting to sound out my words. I'm telling the truth, but the listener has a heart. If he thinks I'm a royalist, then he has no choice but to leave it to him. Who taught me to live in his shop for nothing for a month? However, I can't lie to him, anyway, I'm leaving tomorrow, so I should finish the order anyway.As for whether he can hear my overtones, that's beyond what I can predict.After thinking about it, I said: Democracy is the trend of the times, and the trend is created because of the needs of the people, and has nothing to do with good or bad.If the universe is static, there will be no problems with people and people. Now that there are people, people have various problems, so it is inevitable to constantly try and change the environment in which they live. That’s right, that’s right, it’s because people are at work, and people are ignorant, but there is heaven in people, and heaven is wise, and only heaven can solve people’s problems.He cut me off abruptly. What is he talking about?Based on my superficial understanding of him, it is unlikely to be a metaphysical heaven.Then why did such a sentence come out of nowhere?I froze for a while, not knowing how to proceed. What do you think about heaven?he asked again. Oh, I'm young and don't know much about heaven.I didn't dare to make any more fallacies, so I had no choice but to avoid it. You always know the three talents of heaven, earth and people, right? know a little. Heaven is above people, right? right.I don't know what he means, but I'm afraid that he's talking too much, so I should say less. Do you believe that the sky is fair? should be. Do you believe in God's will? I believe. very good!very good!He nodded, thought for a while, and suddenly changed the subject: You came to Tokyo, did you go somewhere to play? I looked everywhere.I was relieved, that theme was horrible. Have you ever danced? I can't jump.It's true. When I was in college, there were often family dances in the department, and I was only in charge of playing records every time. What words?Come, let me take you to play!Involuntarily speaking, he stood up, turned his head and said a few words in Japanese to the boy standing upright behind him, and the boy went out with the woman in a nonchalant manner. As Mr. Zhao walked out, he turned around and asked me: Do you know why the world is in chaos now? God!It's over the horizon again!I didn't know what he was referring to, and it was inconvenient to answer, so I walked out the door and turned to the alley.The boy and the woman were gone, only a big, long black car, the driver in a neat uniform, opened the door, waiting for us.After getting into the car, I found that the rear compartment is very large, and there are actually two rows of seats.He was facing the front of the car boldly, sitting in the middle of the back row, and I had no choice but to sit down opposite him. Tell you, because the real man has not yet been born. Mr. Right?I see!His Heaven refers to the Son of Heaven.Although I have a hunch, I can't believe that in this day and age, some people really have such an idea. Yes, you have to know that among all the emperors in the past, only the Song and Ming dynasties were real Han Chinese, but Zhu Yuanzhang was just a beggar, and he deliberately paused to show off: the jade seal of the Ming Dynasty is fake. Fake?Is Yuxi true or false? Of course, you will know it when you see it, only the real man is worthy of a real jade seal! But looking at his demeanor, looking like he is the one, I can't help but regret that this joke is too big. If he continues to say that he is lonely, should I kowtow three times and shout long live?Even if I live in his shop for nothing for a month, I can't do this to myself!So I say: I see nothing true or false. Come, let me take you to see and see!After all, he said something in Japanese to the driver. The car was already driving on the bustling streets of Tokyo, and the huge neon lights were colorful and flashing non-stop.Those lights were laughing at me for not being able to control myself. On the eve of going to Brazil, I entered the time tunnel and got into this trouble hundreds of years ago. How to do it?Seeing his happy expression like meeting a bosom friend, maybe there really is a small imperial court in the family, let alone a left prime minister and a right prime minister, if I don't know Tianwei, I really can't finish eating.As soon as I thought about it, I immediately said: Uncle Zhao, I have been in Tokyo for more than a month, and I have never seen a beautiful girl in the streets every day. Is it true that Japanese people are ugly? nonsense!Japanese women are the most beautiful and loveliest in the world, you will know it just by looking at them. Where can I see it?I'm going to Brazil tomorrow, and I'm afraid I won't have the chance in the future. He smiled knowingly and said: What a young man!Well, say it!Do you want to see Yuxi, or women? I pretended to be embarrassed and said: It's still early, let's see the beautiful women first, okay? Of course, let's go to the ballroom first! He said a few more words to the driver, the car turned around, and after a while, it arrived at an extremely luxurious ballroom.He seemed to be a frequent visitor here, and the big class came over one after another, respectful to him, and then sent over all kinds of fat, swallow and thin girls for him to choose.I also chose a mixed-race man, ordered a glass of wine to show my respect to him, and drank it all in one gulp.Then I pretended to be incapable of drinking, and when he was dancing happily, I really fell asleep and woke up. I lingered like this until late at night, when I woke up, I looked at my watch and said in shock: Uncle Zhao, if I don't leave, it will be too late, I have to go to Yokohama! Are you really going to Brazil?What are you going to do in that backward place in Brazil? I'm going to start a farm and everything is ready. Open a farm?He laughed loudly: A talent like you should assist Mingjun and achieve extraordinary careers. To tell you the truth, the real man is about to come out. No way!I'm lecherous and good at drinking, so it's okay to brag, how can I make a big deal out of it?Besides, my wife is still waiting for me in Brazil, so I can't go! ah!you are married?His eyes are wide open. Yes, my wife is Brazilian and the baby is about to be born!When I had an idea, I made nonsense, and I didn't have time to make a draft anyway.I hope he thinks that people like me are unreliable and unqualified to be the founding father of the late Song Dynasty. Uncle Zhao believed it to be true. He no longer wanted to keep me, but insisted on sending me to Yokohama.Along the way, I couldn't stop regretting that I got married too early and dragged my family along, so it wouldn't be a big deal. It is a great pleasure to take a boat, although it is only the third-class steerage of a cargo ship.Except for sleeping, I spend most of my time on the deck, looking at the endless blue sky and the vast blue sea. On land, especially in Taiwan, at a glance, there are either small hills or criss-crossing rice fields, the height of which is no more than a few hundred meters, and far less than tens of kilometers.A narrow vision makes it impossible to expand one's mind. Once it becomes a habit, the courage will shrink accordingly, and one cannot be free and easy. In fact, Taiwan is a big island surrounded by the sea.Every time I look at the sea, I always stand on the shore. Although there is a vast expanse in front of me, I still feel that I can't integrate with the sea. Here, as soon as the ship entered the Pacific Ocean, the land was swallowed up by the horizon and spread out from the sky like a glass cover trimmed with white lace and covered by a large green disk.The 10,000-ton giant ship suddenly became extremely small, and a person was like a speck of dust, clinging to a fallen leaf, undulating endlessly in the boundless waves. At the beginning, there were still a group of seagulls following the airflow at the stern, soaring and floating, or flying up and down.Sometimes the frightened fish at the bottom of the water will be swept up by the rapids. At this time, flocks of seagulls will dive down immediately. Soon, the noisy birds in the sky gradually faded away, only the crackling sea waves, accompanied by the repeated rumble of the turbines, the world seemed to stand still.Only in this situation can people really feel that, no matter when and where, only solitude is our most faithful companion. It is a rare opportunity to be free, to organize my thoughts, and to make everything clearer.I know my personality and goals, and I also believe that with such a lofty goal, it is impossible to achieve anything in less than half of my life.Now I understand better that even if I get something, I may not be able to discern its true value. Every day I vaguely feel that I have gained a little more than yesterday, and every day I feel that everything has just started again.Like Wagner's Nibelungen ring, wave after wave of musical ideas, overlapping chords, linking back and forth, never ending, where is the end?When can we compose the rest? In all kinds of adversity, I have long been fully prepared for stimulation and blows.Any pressure has a reaction force; my reaction is just the kinetic energy accumulated in my heart, driving myself towards the most effective direction of venting.However, I am human after all, and my physical and mental structure is the same as that of other people.Once in this peaceful and comfortable world, where internal and external troubles are unknown, I began to ask myself, what is wrong with people obeying the arrangements of nature?In the universe, everything has its own laws, so what can I do? Just looking at it from another angle, what I have experienced is not under the arrangement of nature?Although my abilities and future encounters are beyond my control, my determination and will have already been deeply imprinted in my consciousness, and once the time comes to make a decision, I will exert my decisive power. The whole journey takes more than 40 days, from Japan via Hong Kong, Singapore, through the Strait of Malacca, across the Indian Ocean, then to Port Elizabeth in South Africa, around the Cape of Good Hope, across the Atlantic Ocean, and finally to Santos in Brazil . There were more than a dozen Chinese people on the same boat, and everyone was gearing up and using their time to study Portuguese diligently.During the conversation, I learned that they all had huge sums of money and high ambitions, and they were all planning to go to that backward area to make a big splash.And I still had more than 40 US dollars left on me. I had no relatives or friends in Brazil except Representative Zhang, whom I had never met, and classmates whose whereabouts were unknown.In order to avoid their inquiries, I had to hide away alone. When they arrived in Hong Kong, another group of Chinese came up.One of them has just come out of the mainland, the mother is White Russian, and a son and a daughter are Chinese-Russian mixed.I don't remember their surnames, but the girl's name is Natasha, about sixteen years old, full of youth, slender and lovely, with blush on her fair and tender face.Her brother, George, was about my age, and carried a camera all day long, hunting for shots everywhere. On the one hand, I share similar interests with George, and to be more precise, I have been attracted by Natasha's cuteness.It didn't take long for the three of us to become one, and we were inseparable from morning to night. Although I had a lot of romances in the past, they either ended in a broken relationship, or I was sneaky and shady. It can be said that I am a newcomer in the love field.It may be Natasha's original personality, or it may be of White Russian descent. She is cheerful and generous, without hiding the true feelings between her eyebrows.George, evidently trying to encourage me, often excused himself and left us alone on deck.Whenever this happens, I feel dizzy, nervous and excited, and at a loss. Natasha likes to wear a snow-white one-piece dress, which is the color I admire the most but dare not blaspheme. I always feel that my clothes are dirty and my body stinks. Even if I take a bath every day, I can’t wash away the inferiority complex .Yes, I can see that she is looking for the nourishment of love, and I also hope to have a bosom partner who is as beautiful as a flower.In this boundless sea, the long journey, without outside intervention, two hearts have been connected together, what is there to be afraid of? To be honest, for me, there are too many things to be afraid of.I think this sweetness comes too easily, we have only known each other for a few days, and I am not the handsome type, she fell in love with me so quickly, if my intuition is correct, is it because of the loneliness of the journey?In case one day, when a third party breaks into our world, she can also easily give emotion, how should I deal with myself? Maybe some people don't care, it's a big deal to start from scratch, anyway, everyone is just pursuing their own happiness.I don't think so. If the relationship between a man and a woman is so simple, what's the value?If the attraction between the opposite sex is just the instinct of life extension, driven by that force, the impulse to vent is just a routine.There are not many truly valuable things in life. Only the mutual trust, mutual understanding, and lasting and eternal feelings established between men and women on the basis of rational cognition are commendable. Because I cherish this kind of friendship too much, I don't want to give it easily.Once I have paid, I will not hold back and devote my whole life completely.In this case, how can I not be careful, so as not to mistake others and myself? Secondly, she is really beautiful, so beautiful that it dazzles me. She has a European outline, clear and well-proportioned.It also has the softness of the oriental people, delicate and lovely.She should stand high and allow me to worship, admire, and worship, but I know that there is absolutely no such possibility.To reach that point, you must have money. I don't know how to make money, and I don't want to spoil myself by turning my life into nectar, just to infuse a beautiful flower. Also, whenever she approached me intentionally or unintentionally, the bone-piercing fragrance melted my helpless soul.Her eyes, her lips, and her pulsating heartbeat are attracting my trembling and uncontrollable hands to hug the slender waist that is slowly approaching.At this moment, my palms were sweating; I couldn't forget the embarrassment of being rejected; how could I leave patches of dirt on her snow-white body that couldn't be wiped off? I hate my pedantry, every time I see my incompetence and uselessness in her eyes, God, what should I do?Have you just watched this wonderful relationship and missed it?How many opportunities in life allow me to waste?Isn't what I'm afraid of my own fantasy?If she really loves me, she is willing to accompany me to endure hardships, support me, encourage me, and walk side by side towards the future of pursuing ideals.How can I decide that she is not suitable for me based on my own subjectivity? I decided to put my own ideas on her first, and try to keep my distance during this time, so as not to be swallowed by the torrent of emotion. At first, she listened curiously, occasionally asking a few questions.However, she is too young after all, looking forward to a happy life full of joy and carefree, she does not agree with my views and practices.Gradually, she began to avoid being alone with me, and under the gnawing of disappointment and annoyance, the familiar sadness began to hit me again.Just when I wanted to work hard again and compromise with my sensibility, a second officer in white uniform on the ship was already in perfect harmony with her.I know, it's time to savor that unforgettable bitter fruit again. Apart from a little regret about this matter, I am not upset.No wonder Nietzsche concluded that women have long hair and empty heads. Why do women look smart and clever on the outside, but their brains don't know anything?If I can't find a woman who can understand me, I'd rather be single for the rest of my life.You can't just bury your beliefs in the pile of long hair just for eyelid support and sexual needs! On October 10, the ship crossed the Indian Ocean. The Chinese crew members on the ship hosted a birthday party for the Republic of China, and all Chinese who boarded the ship from Hong Kong attended.The strange thing is that there are only five members of the family named Liu who come from Taiwan, and I participate alone. I asked the hosting crew if there was someone who hadn't been notified, and the crew said: How could it not be notified!The past few years were okay, but the last time was worse than the last time. You Taiwanese are really strange! Another came over and interrupted him: Never mind them!Don't say too much, lest there will be another dispute. I was at a loss, and since everyone in the venue was very busy, I put this matter behind me. Unexpectedly, just after the party started, there was a commotion at the door, and I heard someone shouting in front of me: Close the door quickly, they are about to rush in! The crew member just hid aside and said: What a shame, what a shame. At that time, George and I were preparing photographic equipment. Seeing that something was wrong, we still had a camera in our hand, so we went out together with a Dutch first mate and a young second mate who was close to Natasha. A man stood at the door, holding a sign that read: Long live the independence of Taiwan.Others huddled around the crew and insisted that Taiwan's National Day celebration be held at the same time.I know all these people, but I don't usually get in touch with them.I find it very strange, when did there actually exist a Taiwan country? 其中一位叫小魏的，畢業於台北工專，我們的舖位相鄰，偶而也曾聊聊天。我正想過去問問他，哪想到他一看到我，竟然大叫： Look!國民黨還派了特務來照相！ 那夥人立刻揮臂喊打，我忿於小魏胡亂栽贓，立刻衝到他面前，質問他道： 你剛才怎麼說的？ 他見我來勢洶洶，氣先洩了一半，說： 你為什麼給我們照相？好寄回台灣去？ 另外幾個也圍了過來，七嘴八舌地說： 特務！ 把相片撕掉！ 所幸底片剛裝上，我立刻把相機打開，取出底片，高舉著說： 你們自己看，底片剛裝上，有誰照了相了？同時我對小魏說：你要不是有意栽贓，就是做賊心虛。 你敢罵我是賊？ 那你為什麼誣賴，說我給你們照相？我一點也不示弱，這時場內的人也都出來了，我們人多勢眾，還有幾個船員在一邊磨拳擦掌。 我沒有看清楚。 那你就血口噴人？老實說，我相信國民黨還不致於怕你們幾個搞台灣國，你們哪一個沒名沒姓？我如果是特務，一封信就夠了，還用得著照相嗎？ you threaten me?在當時的白色恐怖下，國民黨的特務做得的確成功，他後面撐腰的人都不敢出聲了，一個個面有懼色。 我是第一次聽說天下有個台灣國，不過我很佩服有種的人！你們要搞革命，搞革命就不要怕流血，不要怕被迫害，不要離開要革命的地方。要是怕，就不要充英雄，事情做了，遲早會被人知道的。我很瞧不起敢做不敢當的人。 前面那個招牌首先倒了下來，後面的人也竊竊私語，剛才那些勇氣都不知到哪裡去了。小魏只好解釋說： 不是我們搞革命，台灣國在日本他這話一出，香港來的那些中國人都哈哈大笑起來。有人打趣說： 原來是日本人的傀儡政府，怎麼？你們打算到巴西成立台灣國大使館？ 這時那位年輕的二副出面說： 你們要辦什麼慶生會不妨自己去辦，但是不要來搗蛋，在這條船上，我們有權維持治安。現在在國際公海上，不管你們是什麼國的國民，我們都可以辦！ you dare?我們花了錢坐船的！有個人舉著旗子要打那個二副。 那位荷蘭大副見了，用他半生不熟的英語，大聲恐嚇。並且表示，到了伊莉莎白港時，要將鬧事的人趕下船去。 到底是外國人的話有效，此語一出，那些人只好偃旗息鼓，一個一個地走了。 我還是不懂，便把小魏拉到一邊，問他： 怎麼有個台灣國？我從來沒有聽過。 他的態度和緩了許多，但還是滿心的不甘願，說: 你是內地人，當然不知道。 你是說台灣人都知道了囉？ 我也是到了日本之後才知道，你們國民黨太壞了，逼得我們要革命。 你要革命我不反對，國民黨有缺點也是事實，可是中國永遠是中國，你們是革政府的命，總不會是革中國的命吧？ 我們不是中國人！他斬釘截鐵地說。 你不是中國人？那麼怎麼才叫中國人？我大吃一驚，居然他會有這種想法。 我是台灣人，不是中國人。 我也可以說我是湖北人，但是，我卻不能說我不是中國人呀！ 當然可以，只要你們有湖北國。 你的意思說，只要政府不理想，人人都可以任意獨立成國了。 當然，現在是民主時代，為什麼不可以？ 我不懂，為什麼民主時代就可以？我誠懇地向他請教。 因為我可以作主呀，我恨中國人！ 恨中國人？老實說，我很恨一些官僚，但人怎麼能恨自己的國家呢？ 大概是他看我態度還好，便也和悅地對我解釋： 你知不知道二二八事件？ have no idea. 那你當然不懂了，二二八，是內地人屠殺台灣人的日子。 What?屠殺台灣人？我聽了，覺得匪夷所思。 是的，在日本時，我聽他們說死了幾十萬人。 在日本聽說？你原先也不知道？ 知道一點，但是不清楚是為了什麼，這次我才瞭解，原來是你們內地人安排的陰謀，打算消滅我們台灣人。 要消滅台灣人，意思是說把你們當作敵人？ 是的，所以我們要獨立。 那我又糊塗了，我從小學到大學，沒有見到任何把台灣人當作敵人的例証呀！ 我指的是過去，後來因為在日本有了台灣國，所以國民黨就怕了。 這點我不能苟同，國民黨的作為確是有偏差。但是，我不認為在一個家庭中，家長不好，子女就可以鬧著要改名換姓。 那是你的看法，我有我的權利，我愛姓什麼就姓什麼。民主時代，人民才是主人，誰也管不著！ 這個時代，人人假民主之名為所欲為，也難怪趙先生認為天下大亂了。這種民主行得通嗎？假如中國各省各地都獨立為國家，甚至只要世界各國的人民對他們的政府不滿意的話，都能獨立為國。那時，只怕國際糾紛層出不窮，不僅世界安寧無望，甚至全人類都將捲入國際戰爭的漩渦中。可是，這種道理他能懂嗎？ 近年來台灣經濟發展迅速，本地人因擁有土地資源而致富，逐漸掌握了工商業，成為新興的社會力量。我認為國民政府最大的錯誤，在於沒有長遠的眼光與氣魄，一味的遷就派系，任用私人，只求偏安，以確保既得利益。又利用愚民手段，高壓控制，以致特權份子當道，社會風習敗壞，民心渙散。 長此以往，不滿的情緒必然逐漸高漲，匯為新興勢力。且不論其採用什麼手段，反對者終將成為社會的主流。可是，只因政府舉措失當，動輒就要獨立成國，這種近利短視的態度，我卻難以苟同。 可是小魏卻認為中國人口太多，幅員太廣，只有一個中央政府，等於是剝奪了他們做總統的機會。既然現在是民主時代，理應人人都可以當官，而國民政府偏偏不容他們分權，所以不如乘機獨立。 到巴西後，我才發現持有他這種觀念的人比比皆是。他們認定人人為己是天經地義的真理，民主制度之可愛，就在於官吏由人民選舉，人人都有升官發財的機會。因此做官不是為了服務，而是為了發財，發財則是人生幸福之所繫。 不論中國人也好，外國人也好，在這個民主時代，人總是誤把政權當作追求幸福的手段，而罔顧現實，以致變亂層出不窮。有人乘機嘩眾取寵，將政治舞台當作交易場所；有的更運用權術，將政府視為私產，為所欲為。 政治是治理大眾的事務，目的在為大眾謀取福利。任何一個政體都有其特殊的環境及背景，任何一種制度，能適應某些人，就不能滿足另一批人。有能力者希望不受政治干擾，以求自我發揮。沒有能力者則依賴團體的力量保護他們，給予他們生存的機會。 所謂的民主制度，只能實現在一種條件下，那就是大多數的人都能夠獨自謀生。人民知道如何去維護自己的利益，用立法、制度，並以妥協的手段，使得同一社會上的人都能夠共存共榮。果真，這種政府不可能有權，也不會圖利他人。自然而然的，人們若要想發財，做生意就是，不必走政治這條路。如此一來，政府成為單純的服務機構，人民才是主體。 任何事物都有正、反兩面，這種政府因為沒有力量，作為一個蕞爾小國，與世無涉，人民倒也能安享天年。然而一個疆土廣大，人口眾多，文化背景複雜的國家，就免不了需要一個有權有力的政府。否則，各地方之自然資源分配不勻，人民貧富懸殊，社會將永難安寧。 這種國家尚得擁有雄厚的知識及經濟力量，而且永遠領先群倫，才能保持不墜。否則一旦經濟失控，人民只顧己身利益，社會必然亂成一團。 如果人民把民主政治當作登龍攀鳳的手段，那麻煩可就更大了。因為人性自私，私心難一。不論是什麼人，只要會嘩眾取寵，去騙取貪圖近利者之選票，就能魚躍龍門。這一來，在國家廟堂之上，必然魚龍不分，那是什麼一個境況，不喻可知。 政權只是在人類滋生繁衍後，由於人與人的矛盾衝突增加了，需要調解處理，因此而逐漸形成一種具有控制實力的群體結構。只要人類社會的變遷不停止，政治的型態也就會因時制宜不斷改變。有些問題解決了，新的問題又跟著產生。明確地說，只要有人，就會有問題，只要有問題需要解決，就有種種複雜的結構。 人類的幸福原本建築在人體既存的結構上，真要徹底解決人的問題，只有從瞭解人性著手。如果能瞭解人性為何，至少，每個人都可以認識自己，認識他人。有了認識，就可以根據認知採取適當的對策，以避免各種矛盾糾紛。至於環境，那只是人所適應的對象，不先尋求瞭解自己，怎能瞭解環境，不瞭解環境，又能適應什麼？ 繞了半個地球，我總算有了粗略的認知，我真正需要瞭解的，是一個人如何能在現階段的社會中得到幸福，以及什麼是幸福。前者牽涉到一種制度或者是手段，我不認為自己有足夠的知識解答。而後者才是人心中根本的結，幸福只是個抽象的名詞，如果不能明確的定義出來，則人人追求的幸福，不過是鏡花水月罷了。 船泊在伊莉莎白港時，還發生了一件很值得省思的事。國家與個人之不可分，可見一斑。那些自稱台灣國開國元老的朋友，在過了新加坡後，每次上岸觀光，都要揹著一面克難的台灣國國旗，幾個人成群結隊，頗有到異邦宣揚國威之狀。 哪知南非實行黑白分離制度，把人種劃分為四級。最高級是白人，不論國籍；第二級則是經濟力量龐大的日本人，中國人沾了黃皮膚之光，外來的客人可以暫充第二級；本地的因大半經營洗衣業，與褐色的印度人以及南洋各國的黃種人，統一視為第三級；黑種人忝居末位，為第四級。 各級分類的目的，是為了住、行方便，以資黑白分離。凡是屬於三、四級的人種，都要強制隔離，以免讓最高級的白人噁心。 中國觀光客不論是來自中國的哪個地方，一向都能勉強受到優待，與白人坐同樣的交通工具，進白人喜愛的餐館和旅店。這次台灣國的國民，因為不承認自己是中國人，而當地的警察又不知台灣國出自何典，因此把他們視為來自南洋島國的第三級黃種人。 我從來不上岸觀光，主因是口袋已經光光，不能再光了。他們遭遇了什麼，我也不太關心。只是一路上聽他們把南非罵得狗血淋頭，甚至於有人揚言，一旦台灣獨立了，第一件事就是要開除南非的國籍！