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Chapter 32 Thirty-two Dying Shadows at the End of the World

Open the janitor's cabin, the janitor is chopping wood at the back door. It looked like it was going to snow heavily, the gatekeeper said with an ax in his hand, four died this morning, and more will die tomorrow. This winter is very cold. I took off my gloves and went to the stove to warm my hands.The janitor bundled up the thinly chopped wooden strips and moved them into the warehouse, closed the back door and put the ax back to the base of the wall.And then came to my side also grilled hands. Looks like I'll have to burn the unicorn's carcass by myself for a while.Those guys gave me a lot of fun when they were alive.But it can't be helped, it's my job after all.

Things are pretty bad for Shadow? Can't say it's wonderful.Not ideal, said the janitor, shaking his neck on his shoulders.I was bedridden for three days.Of course I intend to do my best to take care of it, but life is something no one can do anything about.There are limits to what people can do. Can you see the shadow? Ah, yes, of course, but only for thirty minutes.I have to burn the unicorns in thirty minutes. I nod. The janitor plucked the key chain from the wall, opened the iron gate to the Shadow Square, trotted across the square ahead of me, and opened the Shadow Cabin to let me in.The hut was empty, without a piece of furniture, and the floor was directly covered with cold bricks.The cold wind blows in through the cracks of the window, as if the air is about to freeze.It's almost the same as a cold storage.

No wonder, said the gatekeeper justifying himself, I didn't put shadows in such places on purpose.Letting shadows live here is a long-standing rule, I just follow the rules.Your shadow is lucky, even two or three shadows live here together in bad times. It was useless to say anything, so I nodded silently.I shouldn't leave the shadow in such a place and ignore it. The shadow is below.He said, go down.It's somewhat warmer down there.Just a little smelly. The janitor walked to the corner and opened the damp black wooden sliding door.There are no stairs inside, only simple ladders.The janitor climbed down a few steps by himself first, then beckoned me to follow.I brushed the snow off my coat and went down with him.

As soon as we entered the basement, the smell of feces first came to our nostrils.Because there are no windows, the stench is all suffocated inside.The basement was the size of a storage room, and the bed took up a third of it.The completely emaciated shadow was lying on the bed facing this side.A porcelain toilet can be seen under the bed.There was an old wooden table that swayed here and there, and a candle that had been burning for a long time was burning on the table, and there were no lamps or radiators in sight. The floor is bare earth, and the damp chill in the room is almost to the bone.Shadow pulled the towel up to his ears and looked up at me with lifeless eyes.The old man said it well, I'm afraid he won't live long.

I'm leaving now.The gatekeeper probably can't bear the stench, so go ahead and talk about anything, the two of you, the shadow doesn't have the strength to become one with you. After the gatekeeper disappeared, Shadow paid attention to the movement for a while, beckoned me to the pillow, and said in a low voice: Could you please see if the doorman is standing and listening, please? I nodded and climbed up the ladder, opened the door and watched the situation outside, made sure there was no one there, and then returned. no one.I said. I have something to tell you.The shadow said, I am actually not as weak as you see, but just a play to fool the gatekeeper.It is certainly not an illusion that the body is quite weak, but vomiting and lying in bed is purely a play on the spot.Standing up and walking is no problem at all.

To escape? of course!Otherwise, why bother.I have earned three days, and I have to escape within three days.After three days I might really never be able to stand up again.The air in the basement is very harmful to the body.It was so cold that the bones seemed to be too much to bear.how's the weather outside snow.I said with my hands still in my coat pockets, it would get colder at night.This cold snap is probably unusual. Many unicorns die when it snows.Shadow said that the workload of many gatekeepers increases when many people die, so we will escape here while the guy is burning unicorns in the apple grove.You take off the key chain hanging on the wall and open the door, and the two escape together.

From the city gate? The city gate will not work.The door is locked, and if you escape, you will inevitably be caught by the gatekeeper immediately.There is no way around the fence, which is so high that only birds can fly over it. So where to escape? Leave it to me.The plan has been meticulously planned.After all, we have collected enough information about this town.I almost saw a hole in your map, and learned a lot from the gatekeeper.The guy thought I wouldn't run away, so he talked tirelessly about the town.Fortunately, you have paralyzed that guy's vigilance.It took more time than initially expected, but the plan itself went smoothly.What the gatekeeper said is right, I have lost the strength to be one with you, but if I run outside, I can recover and become one with me again.If I succeed, I can save myself from dying in such a place, and you can also recover the lost memory and restore your original self.

I stared silently at the candle flame. How, exactly?asked Shadow. What is the so-called original self? Hey, what's going on, you're not still obsessed with it, are you? It is obsession, really obsession.I said, first of all, I can't remember what happened to my original self.Is that world really worth my going back, and that self really worth my recovery? Just as the shadow was about to speak, I raised my hand to stop it. Wait, let me finish.I have completely forgotten about my past self, and my present self has begun to have a feeling of nostalgia for this town.First, he fell in love with the girl he met in the library, and second, the senior is also a good person.Winter is unbearably cold, but the other seasons are beautiful.Here, everyone does not hurt each other and lives in peace.Although life is simple, there is nothing lacking, and everyone is equal.No one is gossiping, let alone fighting for anything.Labor is labor, but they all feel happy in it.It is labor purely for the sake of labor, not controlled by others, and not forced on yourself.Do not envy others.No sorrow, no worries.

There is no money, property, status either.There are neither lawsuits nor hospitals.Shadow added, and there's no need to worry about old age, no need to fear death, right? I nodded and said: What do you think?Why on earth should I have to leave town? yes.As he said that, Shadow took out his hand from the towel and rubbed his dry lips with his fingers. What you said made a lot of sense.If such a world existed, it would be a real paradise.I don't have any reason to object.You can do whatever you like.I also die here with peace of mind.The problem is, there are a few things you've overlooked, and the stakes are high.

Shadow began to cough uncontrollably.I wait for him to calm down. The last time we met, I said that this town is unnatural and abnormal, and that it is unnatural and abnormal.What you just said was its unity and completeness.So I would say its unnaturalness and abnormality.Listen carefully: first of all, there is no perfection, although it is a central proposition, just as there is no eternal machine in theory, as it was said last time.Entropy is always increasing, but where is the town draining it?Indeed, the people here are the gatekeepers. No one hurts anyone, no one hates anyone, and no one desires anything.Everyone is self-satisfied and peacefully coexists.

Do you know why?Because there is no such thing as mind. I am also clear about this.I said. The integrity of the town rests on the loss of the heart.Only by losing the heart can the respective existence be included in the infinitely extended time.Only in this way, people will not age and die.The first step is to tear off the shadow, the matrix of self, and isolate it, waiting for him to die.Once the shadow is dead, there is no big problem going down, as long as the film like heart that is born every day is scratched out. Scratch out? I will talk about this later.The first is the problem of the heart.You say there is no contention, no resentment, no desire in this town.This is certainly admirable.If I have the strength, I want to applaud it too.But the absence of strife, resentment, and desire is nothing but the absence of the opposite, which is joy, ultimate happiness, and love.It is precisely because of despair, disillusionment, and lamentation that there is joy.There is no happiness without despair.This is what I call natural.Then, of course, there is the question of love.That library girl you mentioned is no exception.You may really love her, but that feeling has nowhere to go.Because she has no heart.A man without a heart is but a walking phantom.What's the point of getting this phantom?Could it be that you are pursuing that kind of eternal birth?Do you want to become a phantom yourself?If I die here, you will also be with them, and never leave this town. A suffocating cold silence enveloped the basement for a long time.Shadow coughed again. But I can't just leave her here.Whatever she is, I'm loving her and needing her.If you run away now, you will regret it later.And once you leave, it is impossible to return. That's all, Shadow got up and leaned against the bed, it seems that it will take a lot of time to convince you.We are old acquaintances and fully aware that you are quite stubborn, but we did not expect such a nerve-wracking trifle to be involved in such a critical moment.What are you going to do?It is impossible for the three of you, me and the girl to escape from here!A person without a shadow cannot live outside. I am fully aware of this.I said, I mean how about you escape here alone?I'm here to help. No, you still don't quite get it.Shadow leaned his head against the wall and said, If I leave alone and you stay here alone, you will be in a desperate situation.The gatekeeper has told me this.No matter which thing the shadow is, it must die here.Even the shadow that ran outside had to return here to die when it was dying.The shadow that does not die here, even if it dies, it can only be an incomplete death.That is, you must always live with your heart, and in the forest.The people living in the forest are people who have not completely wiped out the shadows.You will be driven there, wandering forever in the forest with all kinds of thoughts.Does the forest know? I nod. But you cannot lead her into the forest.Shadow continued, because she was perfect.Which means she's out of her mind.Totally people live in town.Instead of living in the forest.So you will be alone.In that case, what's the point of staying? Where have people's hearts gone? Are you reading dreams?Shadow asked in surprise, why didn't Dumeng know? I don't know anyway.I said. Then I teach you: the heart has been brought out of the wall by the unicorn, which is what the word scratched out means.The unicorn absorbs and recycles our hearts and takes them to the outside world.When winter comes, I store that self in my body and die.It was neither the cold of winter nor the lack of food that killed them, but the weight of ego that the town imposed on them.When spring comes, little unicorns are born.There are as many small unicorns born as there are large unicorns that die.And when the little unicorn grows up, it also bears the ego that people have been swept out to die.This is the price of integrity.What is the point of this completeness?Could it be that pushing everything onto the weak and weak to preserve it won't work? I remained silent and stared at the toe of my shoe. As soon as the unicorn was dead, the janitor cut off the skull, continued Shadow, because the self was carved with precision in the skull. After the skull was cleaned, it was buried in the ground for a year. After its energy stabilized, it was sent to the library stack and released into the atmosphere through the hands of the dream reader.The so-called dream reader refers to the role that you are a newcomer to the town whose shadow has not yet died.The ego read by the dream reader blends into the atmosphere and disappears without a trace.This is the so-called ancient dream.In a word, your function is like the ground wire of electricity.Do you understand what I mean? clear.I said. As soon as the shadow died, the dream reader stopped reading dreams and became one with the town.That's how the town goes on forever in perfect perfection.The incomplete part is imposed on the incomplete existence, and it only sucks the clear liquid after precipitation little by little to maintain life.Don't you think this is correct?is the real world?Is it the way things should be?Well, you have to look at things from the perspective of the weak and imperfect, and stand on the side of unicorns and forest dwellers. I stared at the candle flame for a long time until my eyes ached.Then he took off his glasses and wiped the overflowing tears with his fingertips. Come at three o'clock tomorrow.I said, you are right, this is not the place where I stay.
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