Chapter 3 Chapter two

one Whenever Herman pretended to go out to sell books, he spent the night at Martha's in the Bronx.He has a room in Martha's apartment.Martha lived in Jewish ghettos and concentration camps for several years, narrowly escaping death.She worked as a teller in a cafeteria on Tremont Avenue. Martha's father Meyer.Brock is a man named Lib.Mendel.Bloch's wealthy son, Mendel owned assets in Warsaw and was once honored to sit at Rabbi Alexander's table.Meyer speaks German, is a fairly well-known Hebrew writer, and an advocate of literature and art.He left Warsaw before the Nazis took over Poland, and later died in Kazakhstan of malnutrition and dysentery.At the insistence of her Orthodox mother, Martha attended the Beth︱Jakov School, and later attended high school in a Hebrew︱Polish secondary school in Warsaw.During the war, her mother Shifra.Pue was sent to one ghetto, and she was sent to another.They were not in Lublin until after the war in 1945. [Note: A large city in eastern Poland. 】 See you.

Although Hermann himself managed to escape the catastrophe wrought by Hitler, he still could not imagine how the two women narrowly escaped death.He hid in a straw shed for almost three years.This is a gap in his life that can never be filled.He had been visiting his parents in Zivkiew the summer the Nazis invaded Poland; his wife Tamara had gone to her home in Narentsev with their two children.Narentsev was a spa, where her father had a dacha.At first Herman hid in Zivkev, and later hid in Jadwiga's hometown Lipsk, which escaped the hard labor in the Jewish ghetto and concentration camp.He had heard the shouts and gunfire of the Nazis, but never seen their faces.For weeks he lived without seeing the light of day.His eyes were gradually adjusting to the darkness, and his hands and feet were stiff with immobility.He has been bitten by bugs, voles and mice.He had a high fever, and Jadwiga treated him with herbs she picked from the fields and vodka she had stolen from her mother.He often compares himself in his mind to the saint Jonny in the Talmud.Hammager, it is said that he slept for seventy years, and when he woke up, he found the world so strange that he begged to die.

Hermann met Martha and Shifra in Germany.pue.Martha and Leon.Dr. Totschner is married; Totschner is a scientist who is said to have invented, and perhaps helped to invent, a new vitamin.But in Germany he spent his days and half his nights playing cards with a gang of smugglers.He speaks fluent and beautiful Polish, and casually mentions the names of universities and professors with whom he claims to be connected.He was living financially on the money that his fellow Jews would give him and on the meager income that Martha earned from mending and remaking clothes. Martha, Shifra.Puer and Leon.Totschina arrived in the United States before Hermann.After Herman arrived in New York, he met Martha again.At first he worked as a teacher in a Talmud college; later he worked as a proofreader in a small printing house, where he met Ramper Rabbi.By then Martha had broken up with her husband, who had never invented anything and was not entitled to a doctorate.At present he was the lover of an elderly rich woman, the widow of a landowner.Hermann and Martha fell in love while still in Germany.Martha swore that a gypsy fortune teller had predicted that she would meet Hermann.The fortune-teller described Hermann to her down to the smallest detail, and he warned her that her and Hermann's love would cause them pain and distress.While talking about Martha's future, the gypsy suddenly went into a trance, and then passed out.

Both Hermann and his first wife Tamara came from wealthy families.Tamara's father, Lib.Sekner.Luria was a lumber merchant who also had a partnership with his brother-in-law in the glass business.He has two daughters, Tamara and Sheva.Sheva had died in a concentration camp. Hermann was an only child.His father Reb.Xie Miaoer.Leib.Broad.A follower of Rabbi Husatine, he is a wealthy man who owns several houses in Zivkov.He hired a rabbi to teach his son according to Jewish customs, and a Polish tutor to teach him various non-religious subjects.Rib.Xie Miaoer.Leib wanted his son to be a modern rabbi.Hermann's mother.Having studied at a German university in Lemberg, she wants her son to become a doctor.At the age of nineteen, Hermann came to Warsaw; he passed the entrance examination and entered the philosophy department of a university.In his youth he showed a predilection for philosophy.He had read all the philosophical works in the Zivkov library.In Warsaw, against the wishes of his parents, he married Tamara; at the time she was studying biology at the University of Veshnica and was an active member of the left-wing movement.Almost from the moment they got married, their relationship was not very harmonious.Hermann was a follower of Schopenhauer's philosophy and had made up his mind in the past to never marry and never have children.He told Tamara of his determination, but she was pregnant and refused to have an abortion; with the support of her family, she forced Hermann into marriage.They have a boy.For a while, she was a fanatical communist and even planned to emigrate to Soviet Russia with her children.Later, she renounced communism and became a member of the Jewish Socialist Labor Party.Neither Tamara nor Hermann's parents continued to support the young couple, who supported themselves by working as governesses.After three years of marriage, Tamara gave birth to a daughter, according to Otto.Weininger's statement, which Hermann considered at the time the most plausible philosopher, was that a creature without logic, memory, and virtue was merely a vessel for sexual desire.

During the war and in the years after it, Hermann had plenty of time to express remorse for his actions towards his family, but he was basically the same: a man who believed neither in himself nor in humans, a man who lived in The hedonistic fatalist in the melancholy before suicide.All religions are lies.Philosophy was completely bankrupt from the very beginning.The unfulfilled promises of progress are but spittle on the faces of generations of martyrs.If time is only a form of feeling, or a category of reason, then the past is like the present and the future, and Cain continues to kill Abel.Nebuchadnezzar was still killing Zedekiah's sons and gouging out Zedekiah's eyes [Note: The story in the Bible. 】.Kishinev massacre [Note: On April 16, 1903, in Kishinev, Russia, a large number of Jews were killed in the Easter morning massacre. 】Never stop.The Jews were forever burned at Auschwitz.Those who do not have the courage to end their lives have only one way out: to paralyze reason, suppress memory, and wipe out the last vestiges of hope.

two Herman left the rabbi's office and took the subway to the Bronx.In the scorching summer, people crowded around and walked in a hurry.On the express train bound for the Bronx, the seats were full.Herman clutched a belt tightly.Above his head, a fan whirred, but the wind it produced was not cool.He didn't buy the afternoon edition, so he read the advertisements for socks and chocolates and tinned soup and solemn funerals.The train entered a very narrow tunnel.Even the bright lights in the carriage could not drive away the rocky darkness.At every stop, groups of new passengers flooded into the carriages.The smell of perfume and sweat mingled in the air.The makeup on the women's faces was melting; their mascara was sticking together and clumping together.

The carriages gradually thinned out; now the train traveled on an elevated railway above the ground.Looking out the factory window, Herman saw white and black women milling vigorously around the machinery.In a hall with a low metal ceiling, half-naked young men are playing pinball.On one platform, a girl in a bathing suit lay on a cot, sunbathing in the setting sun.A bird flies across the blue sky.Although the various buildings are not old, the whole city has an atmosphere of decay.A cloud of gold and fiery red dust hung over everything, as if the earth had entered the tail of a comet. The train stopped, and Herman jumped out of the car door.He ran down the iron escalator and walked forward into a park.The grass and trees in the park are so thick that they seem to grow in the middle of a field; the birds are jumping and singing among the branches.In the evening, the park benches would be filled with people, but now there are only a few elderly people sitting on the benches.There was an old man reading a Yiddish newspaper through a pair of blue glasses and a magnifying glass.Another old man was warming his rheumatic leg with his trousers rolled up to his knees.An old woman was knitting a jacket out of coarse gray wool.

Hermann turned left onto Martha and Shifra.On the street where Puel lived.There were just a few houses separated by grassy clearings.There was an old warehouse with bricked-up windows and a door that was always closed.In a ruined house, a carpenter was working on half-finished furniture for sale.A for-sale sign hung on an empty house with smashed windows.Hermann felt that the street seemed to be unable to make up its mind whether to become part of this area or simply accept its fate and let it disappear. Shifra.Puel and Martha lived on the third floor of a house with a vacant ground floor, a broken porch, and windows all boarded and tinned.The steps to the door were rickety.

After walking up two flights of stairs, Herman stopped not because he was tired but because he needed time to complete his fantasy.What would happen if the earth split in half between the Bronx and Brooklyn?He will have to stay here.The half of the earth where Yadwija ​​lived would be brought into a different constellation by another planet.What's next?If Nietzsche's theory of eternal return is true, perhaps this could have happened ten trillion years ago.Where did Spinoza write that God does all that He can do. Hermann knocked on the kitchen door, and Martha opened it immediately.She was not tall, but her slender figure and head held high gave the impression that she was tall.Her hair was black and red.Herman likes to refer to it as fire and pitch.Her skin was dazzlingly white, her pale blue eyes were flecked with green; her nose was thin and her chin was pointed.She had high cheekbones and sunken cheeks.A cigarette dangling from his full lips.The strength of those who survive danger can be seen in her face.Martha weighed one hundred and ten pounds now, but just after the war she was only seventy-two pounds.

where is your motherHermann asked. in her room.She will be out in a moment.sit down. Look, I've brought you a present.Herman handed her a package. A Gift?You don't have to keep bringing me presents.What's this? A box with stamps. stamp?That would be useful.Is there a stamp in it?some.I have a hundred or so letters to write, but as the weeks pass, I can't seem to hold a pen.The excuse I gave myself was that I didn't have stamps at home.Now I have no excuses.Thank you, dear, thank you.You really shouldn't spend the money.Well, let's eat.I made you ragout and cereal to your liking.

You promised me that you would never cook meat again. I also promised myself, but there are no other dishes except meat.God himself eats human flesh.No vegetables, not at all.If you see everything I've seen, you'll understand that God approves of killing. You don't have to be everything God wants you to be. You gotta do it, you gotta do it. The door of another room opened, and Shivra.Puer came out.She was taller than Martha, with dark skin, black eyes, black gray hair combed back in a bun, a pointed nose, and two eyebrows that grew together.She has a mole on her upper lip; hairs on her chin.She has a scar on her left cheek from a Nazi bayonet in the first weeks after Hitler's invasion. It was not hard to see that she had been a strong woman.Meyer.Bullock loved her and wrote Hebrew love songs for her.But concentration camps and disease destroyed her.Shifra.Pue always wore black.She is still mourning her husband, parents and siblings, who all died in the ghetto and concentration camps.Now she squinted like someone who suddenly comes out of darkness into light.She raised her small, long-fingered hand as if to smooth her hair, and said: Ah, Hermann?I hardly recognize you anymore.I've gotten into the habit of falling asleep when I sit down.I lay in bed at night and couldn't sleep until dawn, thinking wildly.During the day my eyes doze off.Have I been asleep for a long time? Who knows?I had no idea you were asleep, said Martha.She walked up and down the room as lightly as a mouse.There really are mice here, and I can't even tell the difference between her and a mouse.She wandered around the house all night without even turning on the lights.Someday you'll break your leg in the dark.Mark my words. You are here again.I didn't really fall asleep, I just felt like a veil was drawn over my face and my mind went blank.I hope you don't.what smell?What is burnt? No, Mom, nothing is burnt.My mother has a strange problem. She always blames me for what she does.Everything she cooks burns, so whenever I cook something, she always smells like burnt food.She poured herself a glass of milk and it always overflowed, but she warned me to be careful.It must be a Hitler syndrome.In our concentration camp there was a woman who denounced other people, but she denounced them for exactly what she did.It's pathological, and it's hilarious.There are no madmen, madmen just pretend to be crazy. Everybody's sane except your mother's crazy, Shivra.Puel grunted. I didn't mean that, Mom.Don't force these words on me.Sit down, Hermann, sit down.He brought me a locket with stamps in it.Now I have to write.I was supposed to clean your room today, Hermann, but I was caught up in many other things.I told you, be a boarder like every other boarder and if you don't ask to keep your room clean and tidy, you live in a pile of dust.I was forced to work by the Nazis for a long time, so I couldn't work voluntarily.If I'm going to do something, I have to imagine a German standing next to me with a gun.Here in America, I finally understand: After all slavery is not such a great tragedy to make people work, and there is no better tool than the whip. Listen to her go on.Ask her what she's talking about, Shifra.Puer complained.She's talking irony, that's all.It was her inheritance from her father's family who should have rested in Eden.They both love to debate.My father may he rest in peace Your grandfather used to say: Their argument over the Talmud was brilliant, but somehow they turned out to be at Passover.This festival commemorates God's killing of the firstborn sons of the Egyptians at the same time as he killed all the first-born creatures in Egypt. 】It is allowed to eat bread. What does eating bread at Passover have to do with this?All right, Mom, sit down.I can't bear to see you standing like that.She was wobbling all the time, and I imagined she could fall down any moment.And she literally falls.Not a day goes by without her falling. What are you going to make up for me next?Back then, I was lying in a hospital in Lublin, dying.I will finally rest in peace.Suddenly she came and called me back from another world.You keep spreading rumors about me, so what do you want from me?It would be better to die than to be happy.He who has tasted death no longer loves life.I thought she was dead too.But I suddenly found that she was still alive, and she was looking for me.She found me the day before, and she talked back to me the next day, stabbing me with words was like stabbing me with thousands of steel needles.If I tell the whole story, the listeners will think I'm out of my mind. You're not normal, Mom, you're not normal.It would take a vat of ink to describe her condition when I took her out of Poland.But there is one thing I can say in good conscience: no one tortured me like she did. What have I done to you, daughter, that's what you want to say about me?Even then you're in good health I hope you haven't got someone's eyes on you and I'm dying.I told her frankly, I don't want to live anymore, I've had enough.But she dragged my life back in a rage.You can kill a life with anger, but you can also save a life with anger.Why do you still need me?To fit her fantasy: to have a mother, that's it.Her husband, Leon, I didn't like at first.I took one look at him and said to her: Daughter, he is a liar.It is said that everything is written on a person's forehead, as long as you can read it.My daughter can understand the most difficult books, but she doesn't know anything about the people she meets.Here she sat now, a deserted wife, a woman separated from her husband all her life. If I wanted to get married, there was no need to divorce him first. What?We are still Jews, not pagans.What happened to the stew?How long does the stew have to be on the fire?The meat is going to be burnt.Let me go and see.Ah, my God!The water in the pot boiled dry.Ah, you cannot depend on her!I smelled burnt.They broke my legs, those demons, but I can still smell it.Where are your eyes?You read too many of those ridiculous books, may God have mercy on me! three Martha ate and smoked.She took a mouthful of food and a cigarette alternately.She ate a little of everything, and then pushed the dish away; but she kept bringing Herman more food, asking him to eat more.Just as if you were in the straw shed in Lipsk and your countryman brought you a piece of pork.Who knows what will happen tomorrow?This kind of thing will happen again.The massacre of the Jews was justified and humane.It is God's hope that the Jews must be slaughtered. Daughter, you make me sad. that is the truth.Dad always said that everything is God's will.That's what you said, Mom.If God could allow the Jews in Europe to be killed, why should he think that he would stop the extermination of the Jews in America?God doesn't care, that's the way God is.Right, Herman? who knows? You have the same answer to every question: who knows?Someone always knows!If God is all-powerful and all-powerful, he should and can protect the people he loves.If he sat in heaven and kept silent, the people must have bored him as much as last year's severe cold. Daughter, do you want Herman to be quiet for a while?You burned the meat just now, and now he is eating, and you are bothering him with various questions. Never mind, said Herman, if only I knew the answer.Perhaps suffering is an attribute of God.If man agrees that everything is God, then we ourselves are God; if I beat you, that means God got beaten. Why did God beat himself up?Eat it, don't leave anything in the basin.Is that your philosophy?If the Jews are God and the Nazis are God, there is nothing to talk about.Mom baked a jambalaya and I'll get you one. Daughter, he has to eat fruit in syrup first. What does he eat first?Anyway, it's all mixed together in the stomach.You're bossy, Mom, that's what you are.Well, bring him the fruit in syrup. Please don't argue about me.It doesn't matter what I eat first.If the two of you can't get along, what peace is there?The last two people on earth will also kill each other. Do you doubt it?asked Martha, I don't doubt it.They would starve to death standing face to face with atomic bombs because neither side would give the other a chance to eat.If one of them wants to take a moment to eat, the other will drop a bomb.Dad always takes me to the movies.She doesn't like movies.Martha nodded to her mother.But Dad is a movie buff.He always said that after watching a movie, he would forget all his troubles.Now I'm not interested in movies, but I loved watching them back then.I always sat with him and he let me hold his cane.The day my father left Warsaw, all the men walked across the Praga Bridge, and he pointed to his cane and said, As long as I have this cane, I will not despair.Why am I bringing this up?Ah, yes!There's a movie about two deer, two bucks, fighting over a doe.Their horns twisted together and they fought each other until one of them fell dead.The remaining one was also half dead.The doe stood grazing all through the fight, as if it had nothing to do with her.I was a kid then, in my sophomore year of high school.I thought at the time that it was hopeless if God allowed such savage acts to be committed by ignorant beasts.I often think of this movie in the concentration camp.It makes me hate God. Daughter, you shouldn't have said that. I do a lot of things that I shouldn't be doing.Bring the juice fruit! How can we know God?Shifra.Pue walked over to the stove. Seriously, you shouldn't have argued so hard with her, said Herman gently, and what would you get by doing it?If my mother were alive now, I wouldn't talk back to her. Did you teach me what to do?It is I who live with her, not you.Five days a week you stay with that countryman, and when you finally get here, you're preaching.Her piety and pettiness pissed me off.If God was very just, why was she so angry that the soup wasn't made as quickly as she wanted?If you want to know my opinion, she is more materialistic than any atheist.At first, she encouraged me and Leon.Totschina married because he often brought her small cakes.Later, she started looking for his cha'er God knows why.Doesn't it matter who I marry?I'm done anyway, so what does it matter?But tell me, how's your little countryman?Did you tell her you were going out again to sell books? What else can I say? where are you today in Philadelphia. What if she finds out about us? She will never find out. This possibility is always there. You can rest assured that she will never separate us. I'm not so sure.If you can spend this much time with an illiterate fool, you certainly don't need anyone else.Also, what's the point of doing this kind of drudgery for a liar rabbi?Be a rabbi or a liar in your own name at least. I can't do that. You're still hiding in the hayloft.This is a fact! Yes, it is true.There are some soldiers who can drop a bomb over a city and kill thousands of people; but they cannot kill a chicken.As long as I don't see my duped readers and they don't see me, I can live with it.Besides, the things I wrote to the rabbi did no harm, only good. Does that mean you're not a liar? I'm a liar, let's stop talking about it! Shifra.Puer went back into the house.Here comes the juice fruit.Wait a minute and let it cool down.What does my daughter call me?What is she saying?By what she said, you'd think I was her worst enemy. Mom, you know that old saying: May God guard against my friends, and I guard myself against my enemies. I've seen how you defend yourself against them.Ah, yes, since I was alive after they slaughtered my whole family and my people, your words are true.Only you, Martha, are reliable alone.If you don't want to rest yet, I have to. Four After supper Hermann went to his own room.The room he lived in was very small, with only one window, from which he could see a small yard.The yard has green grass and a crooked tree.The bed is wrinkled, sir.The room was littered with books, manuscripts, and scraps of paper Herman had scribbled on. Masha always had a cigarette between her fingers, and Hermann always had a pen or pencil in his hand.It was in Lipsk's hayloft that he wrote and took notes as long as the light from the cracks in the roof allowed him to see.He practiced an ornate form of calligraphy, painstakingly writing cursive letters.He drew various monsters with protruding ears, long hooked noses, and round eyes, surrounded by trumpets, horns, and poisonous snakes.Even in the dream he was writing in Rashi's script, on yellow paper, a synthesis of storybooks, Jewish mystic revelations, and scientific discoveries.Sometimes, when he woke up, his wrists were cramped from too much writing. Hermann's room was just under the roof, and in summer it was always hot, except in the early morning, before the sun rose.Large quantities of soot flew in through the open windows.Although Martha changed the sheets and pillow cases frequently, the bed always looked dirty.There are many holes in the floor, and the sound of mice scratching and biting under the floor can be heard at night.A few times Martha set a mousetrap, but Hermann was overwhelmed by the cries of pain from the trapped mouse.He would get up in the middle of the night and let the mice go. As soon as he entered the room, Hermann stretched out on the bed.He was in pain.He suffered from rheumatism and sciatica; sometimes he thought he was running with a spinal tumor.He has no patience to go to the doctor, nor does he have confidence in the doctor.He was exhausted from the years of Hitler's rule, and this fatigue never fully recovered, only when he and Martha made out.After eating, he has a stomachache.His nose was blocked when there was a little wind.He often had a sore throat and his voice became hoarse.Is there something in the ear that hurts him? Is there a pus, or is there something growing?There is only one disease that he has never had, and that is fever. It was evening now, but it was still light.Only one star shone brightly, blue and green, near and far, and its light and its presence puzzled him.A straight line stretched from the height of the star in the universe to Hermann's eyes.This celestial body (if it is a body) glistens with cosmic joy, mocking the smallness of body and mind of a man capable only of suffering. The door opened and Martha walked in.In the twilight, her face reflected a pattern made of various shadows.There seemed to be light in her eyes too.A cigarette was between her lips.Herman repeatedly warned that one day her cigarettes would start a fire.I'm going to burn out sooner or later, she always replied.Now she was standing in the doorway, smoking a cigarette.For a moment the light from the cigarette seemed to make her face red and grotesque.She removed a book and magazine from the chair and sat down.She said: God, it's hot as hell in here. In spite of the heat, Martha would not take off her clothes as long as her mother was asleep.For show, she spread a quilt on the couch in the living room. Meyer.Bullock, Martha's father, considers himself an infidel, but Shifra.Puhe has always been very religious, and insisted on cooking in strict accordance with Jewish rules.She even wears a wig when she says her prayers on important holidays.On the Sabbath, she must have Meyer.Bullock performed sacrifices and sang Sabbath hymns, though he always shut himself in his study after meals to write Hebrew poetry. Life in the ghetto, concentration and refugee camps shook the habits of both mother and daughter.After the war, in Shifra.In the German refugee camp where Puhe and Martha stayed, couples slept openly together.Martha and Leon.When Totshina was married, Shifra.Puet slept with his daughter and son-in-law in a room separated only by a curtain. Shifra.Pue would say that the soul, like the body, can take as many blows, and when it can take no more, it feels no pain.In America, she became more religious.She prayed three times a day and often walked around with a cloth wrapped around her head, voluntarily obeying rules that were not followed even in Warsaw.She also lived spiritually with those who were gassed and tortured.She always lights memorial candles in paraffin-filled glasses in memory of friends and relatives.In the Yiddish papers she read nothing but those about people who had narrowly escaped death in the ghettos and concentration camps.She saved money from her food bills to buy books about Majdanek, Treblinka, and Auschwitz [Note: All three were concentration camps. ] Books. Other refugees always say that people forget the past as time goes by, but Shivra.Pue and Martha will never forget.On the contrary, the longer they were away from the Holocaust, the closer they felt to it.Martha would blame her mother for mourning too much for the dead, but when her mother was silent, she mourned herself.When she spoke of German atrocities, she would run to the doorpost scroll and spit on it. Shifra.Pue would pinch his cheeks.Spit, daughter, you blaspheme!We've had one disaster here, and we'll have another one there!She points to the sky with her finger. Martha and Leon.Totschina's separation and her and Hermann.Brod, the husband of a pagan woman, had sex with Shivra.For Pue, it was all a continuation of the horrors that had begun in 1939.The terror never seemed to end.However, Shifra.Pue was very close to Herman, calling him my boy.He impressed her with his knowledge of Judaism. When she prayed every day, she would ask Almighty God to let Leon.Totschner agreed to divorce Masha, leaving Herman to separate from his pagan wife, leaving her Shifra.Pue enjoyed the joy of leading his daughter under the wedding canopy during his lifetime.But it doesn't look like she'll be rewarded like that.Shifra.Poue blamed herself: she disobeyed her parents, treated Meyer badly, cared little for Martha when she was growing up, when the fear of God should have been instilled in Martha.And the greatest crime she committed was that she lived while so many innocent men and women were being murdered. Shifra.Pue was in the kitchen, muttering to himself as he washed the dishes.She seemed to be arguing with an invisible person.She turned off the light, then turned it on again.She recited her bedtime prayers, took a sleeping pill, and filled her thermos.She suffers from heart disease, liver disease, kidney disease and lung disease.Every few months, she would pass out once, and every time the doctor said she was hopeless, but every time she recovered gradually.Martha watched her mother's every move, always alert and ready to help her.The mother and daughter love each other, yet they complain endlessly about each other.Their mutual dissatisfaction can be traced back to Meyer.When Bullock was still alive.Meyer is said to have been in a platonic relationship with a Hebrew poetess, Martha's teacher.Martha would quip that the love affair began in a discussion of some grammatical rules of the Hebrew language and never went any further.But even such a small act of infidelity, Shivra.Puerto never forgave Meyer. Now, Shifra.Puel's room was dark, and Martha was still sitting in the chair in Hermann's room, smoking one cigarette after another.Herman understood that she was preparing an unusual story for their intimacy.Martha compares herself to Scheherazade [Note: The protagonist of the story in "Arabian Nights". 】.She endured hardships in the ghetto, concentration camps and the ruins of Poland where she wandered, and they kissed, touched and had fun as she told stories.In these stories, men pursue her: in the basement, in the forest, in the hospital where she worked as a nurse. Martha collected a large collection of thrilling stories.Sometimes it sounded like she must have made up such stories, but Herman knew she was not a liar.Her most complicated experiences began after the war.The moral of all her stories is that if God wanted to reform his elect through Hitler's slaughter, he had already failed.In fact, the devout Jews were wiped out.The whole Reign of Terror learned nothing, with all but a few exceptions, from the good-natured Jews who managed to escape.Martha boasted and confessed at the same time.赫爾曼勸她別在床上抽菸，但是她吻他，還衝他噴煙圈。香菸的火星會落在床單上。她嚼口香糖，吃巧克力，喝可口可樂。她從廚房裡給赫爾曼端來食物。他們的親熱不只是一次男女的交合，而且是一次儀式，經常要持續到天亮。這使赫爾曼想起古時候的人，他們會敘述出埃及的奇蹟，一直到啟明星升起。 瑪莎故事中的許多男女主人公，不是被殺害，就是死於傳染病。其他的人則在加拿大、以色列或紐約定居。瑪莎到一家麵包店去買過一塊蛋糕，麵包師原來是集中營裡的工頭。難民們在特賴蒙特大道瑪莎當出納的那家自助餐廳裡認出了她。有些人在美國發了財開起了工廠、旅館、超級市場。鰥夫們已經重新娶妻，寡婦們也已再嫁。那些失去了孩子但還年輕的婦女們，因為重新結婚又有了孩子。那些在納粹德國走私和做黑市生意的人同德國姑娘，有時是同納粹的女兒或姐妹，結了婚。沒有一個人侵略者和受害者對自己的罪行表示後悔。就以里昂．托特希納為例吧。 瑪莎一向喜歡不厭其煩地談論里昂．托特希納和他狡猾的手段。他同時有許多方面：病態的說謊者、酒鬼、吹牛大王、色情狂和賭棍，他會拿穿在身上的那件襯衣跟人打賭。他邀請他的情婦參加瑪莎和她母親傾囊訂下的結婚宴席。他染頭髮；冒充有博士頭銜；他被控剽竊別人的成果。有一個時期，他同時是猶太復國主義修正黨員和共產黨員。紐約的法官已經同意瑪莎正式離婚，要托特希納每星期給她十五美元的贍養費，但是他從未付過一個子兒。相反，他耍弄一切手段騙她的錢。他仍然打電話、寫信給她，懇求她回到他的身邊去。 赫爾曼一再讓瑪莎答應晚上早些休息。他倆明天早晨還得上班。可是瑪莎好像不怎麼要睡覺。她可以打個盹，幾分鐘後就醒了，精神煥發。她的夢折磨著她。她會在睡夢中大喊大叫，用德語、俄語和波蘭語說話。死人在她面前顯靈。她總是打開手電筒，讓赫爾曼看那些死人在她胳膊、胸脯和大腿上留下的傷痕。有一次睡夢中，她父親出現在她面前，給她朗誦他在另一個世界上寫的詩。她還記住了其中的一節，背給赫爾曼聽過呢。 儘管瑪莎自己過去跟別的男人有過來往，她還是無法原諒赫爾曼過去和女人的關係，即使是已經死去的女人。他愛過塔瑪拉、他的孩子的母親嗎？對他來說，塔瑪拉的身體是否比她瑪莎的更有吸引力？在哪方面？嗯，那個梳長辮子的拉丁語系的學生怎麼樣？還有雅德維珈呢？她是否真的像他說的那麼冷冰冰的？如果雅德維珈突然死去如果她自殺，會怎麼樣呢？如果瑪莎死去，他會懷念她多久呢？他會等多長時間再去找其他女人呢？哪怕他對她說一次老實話也好！ 你會等多長時間呢？赫爾曼問。 我永遠不會再找別人了。 是真話？ 當然，你這壞蛋，這是千真萬確的。她充滿激情地吻了他很久。屋子裡寂靜無聲，連地板下面一隻耗於的抓撓聲都能聽見。 瑪莎的身體像一個雜技演員那麼柔軟。她激起了連他自己都意想不到的情欲和力量。在她月經來的期間，她可以用某種神祕的方法使它暫時中止。儘管瑪莎和赫爾曼都不是性變態者，但他們無休止地互相談著異常和變態的性行為。她折磨一個納粹凶手感到樂趣嗎？如果地球上沒有男人，她會和女人幹嘛？赫爾曼會變成同性戀者嗎？如果人都死絕了，他會跟動物交配嗎？只是在和瑪莎發生關係以後，赫爾曼才開始理解，婚姻男女的結合為什麼在希伯來神祕主義哲學中占有非常重要的地位。 有時候赫爾曼幻想到一種新的玄學，或者甚至是一種新的宗教，他總是把兩性間的互相吸引力作為一切的依據。七情六慾是根源。神也跟人一樣，情欲是他的本性。引力、光、磁和思想可能是同一個宇宙欲望的各個方面。苦難、空洞、黑暗不過是宇宙永遠越來越強烈的情欲亢進的休止期 five 第二天瑪莎去自助餐廳上早班。赫爾曼睡得很遲，他到十點四十五分才醒來。陽光燦爛，從敞開的窗戶外傳來鳥叫聲和一輛送貨車的隆隆聲。在另一間屋子裡，希弗拉．普厄正在看意第緒語報紙，偶爾會對猶太人的困境和人類普遍的殘忍發出一聲長嘆。赫爾曼走進浴室，洗澡、刮鬍子。他的衣服在康尼島的公寓裡，不過在這兒布朗克斯他也放著一些襯衫、手絹和內衣。希弗拉已經給他洗淨，熨好了一件襯衫。她像丈母娘一樣待他。他還沒有穿好衣服，她就開始給他煎雞蛋捲了；她還特意給他買了草莓。赫爾曼每次和希弗拉．普厄一起吃早飯，就覺得她是在迎合他的口味，感到很窘。根據正統的儀式，她堅持要他在一個水罐裡洗手。瑪莎既然不在家，赫爾曼一邊洗手，一邊背誦禱文，接著又背誦祝福詞，在這當兒，她給他戴上帽子。她坐在他桌子對面，一邊點頭，一邊嘟囔。赫爾曼知道她在想什麼：在集中營裡，人是無法允許自己去想像這樣一頓宴席的。在那兒，人得冒著生命危險去弄一片麵包，一個馬鈴薯。希弗拉．普厄拿起一片麵包就像摸到一個聖器似的。她小心翼翼地咬了一口。她那雙烏黑的眼睛裡閃現出內疚的神色。這麼多虔誠的猶太人死於飢餓的時候，她能允許自己享用上帝的恩賜嗎？希弗拉．普厄經常說，她是因為有罪孽，才被允許活下來的。上帝把有福的人，虔誠的猶太人召到了自己身邊。 把這些都吃了，赫爾曼。什麼都不准剩下。 Thanks.這蛋捲太好吃了。 怎麼會不好呢？雞蛋是新鮮的，黃油也是新鮮的。美國但願它永遠繁榮，有各種各樣的東西。但願別因為罪孽使我們失去它。你等著，我去拿咖啡來。 希弗拉．普厄在廚房裡倒咖啡的當兒，打碎了一隻盤子。打碎盤子這是她的一個毛病。瑪莎經常為此數落她，她也為這個毛病感到害羞。她的視力不像應該有的那麼好。她向赫爾曼說，過去她從未打碎過一樣東西，但是從集中營出來後，神經過於緊張。只有在天的上帝知道她遭受了多少苦難，知道她被惡夢折磨得有多麼痛苦。一個人記得她所記得的那一切往事，怎麼還能活下去呢？她站在爐子前的那一瞬間，一個年輕的猶太姑娘出現在她眼前，這姑娘的身上被扒得精光，站在一根橫架在一個大糞坑上的圓木上。她的四周圍著一群群德國人、烏克蘭人、立陶宛人，他們互相打著賭：她能在木頭上站多長時間。他們大聲地用髒話汙辱她和猶太人；他們喝得半醉，站在那兒看著，直到這個十八歲的美麗姑娘，這個拉比和受人尊敬的猶太人的女兒滑倒在糞水裡。 希弗拉．普厄對赫爾曼回憶過成百件這樣的事情。剛才她就是因為想起了上面講的這件事才打碎盤子的。赫爾曼走過去幫她撿碎片，但是她不讓他動手。他會但願不出這樣的事割破手指的。她用掃帚把碎片掃入畚箕，然後給他端來了咖啡。他常常有這樣一種感覺：凡是她碰過的東西就變得神聖了。他喝著咖啡，吃了一片她特意為他做的蛋糕（醫生對她的飲食規定很嚴）。他陷於習慣而熟悉的沉思中，因此，他們沒有再說話。 赫爾曼不必到他的辦公室去。瑪莎中午下班，他到自助餐廳去跟她見面。今年夏天她將第一次休假，有一個星期時間。她渴望和赫爾曼一起出去一次，但是上哪兒呢？赫爾曼沿著特賴蒙特大道朝自助餐廳走去。他走過各種賣花哨的小商品、婦女服裝和文具的商店。跟齊甫凱夫一樣，男女售貨員們坐著等顧客上門。連鎖商店使許多小店鋪破產。這裡那裡的店門上寫著出租字樣的招牌。總有人準備再碰碰運氣。 赫爾曼通過旋轉門走進自助餐廳，看到了瑪莎。她，邁耶．布洛克和希弗拉．普厄的女兒，站在那兒，接過帳單，點著錢，賣著口香糖和菸捲。她一看到他，就衝他微笑。根據自助餐廳那個鐘，瑪莎還得工作二十分鐘，於是赫爾曼在一張桌子邊坐了下來，他喜歡靠牆的或是牆犄角的桌子，因為這樣別人就不能從後面接近他。儘管他剛剛吃了許多東西，他還是走到櫃檯前買了一杯咖啡和一客大米布丁。他似乎是不可能增加體重的。他體內好像有一團火，消滅了一切。他從遠處注視著瑪莎。儘管陽光從窗外照射進來，可是餐廳裡還點著電燈。隔壁幾張桌子旁，男人們公開地看著意第緒語報紙。他們不必瞞著任何人。對赫爾曼來說，這總像是個奇蹟。這種情況能維持多久呢？他問自己。 有一位顧客正在看一份共產黨的報紙。他可能對美國感到不滿，希望來一次革命，希望群眾湧向街頭，砸碎赫爾曼剛才走過的那些商店的窗子，把售貨員拉走，送往監獄或強勞集中營。 赫爾曼默默地坐著，一心想著自己複雜的處境。他已經在布朗克斯住了三天，他給雅德維珈打過電話，告訴她他不得不從費城【註：位於美國賓夕法尼亞州。】去巴爾的摩【註：位於美國馬里蘭州。】，答應今天傍晚回家。但是他沒有把握，瑪莎是否會同意他走；他們說好一起去看電影。她使用種種辦法使他跟她待在一起，盡量把事情弄得困難。她對雅德維珈的仇恨簡直到了蠻不講理的地步。如果赫爾曼的衣服上有一點汙跡，或者外套上掉了一顆鈕扣，瑪莎就會罵雅德維珈不關心他，說她和他一起生活只是因為他在養活她。叔本華哲學的理論認為聰明才智不過是盲目意志的奴僕，瑪莎是赫爾曼知道的這種理論最好的論據。 瑪莎結束了她在出納機前的工作，把現金和帳單交給來接她班的出納員，隨後端著一盤午飯朝赫爾曼的桌子走來。上一天晚上她睡得很少，早晨醒得很早，不過她看起來毫無倦容。她像平常一樣嘴裡叼著一支香菸，她已經喝過好幾杯咖啡。她愛吃辣味的食物泡菜、荷蘿泡菜、芥末；不管吃什麼，她都愛撒上鹽和胡椒，她喝不加糖的濃咖啡。她呷一口咖啡，猛吸一口香菸。她的飯菜吃剩下四分之三。 噯，我媽怎麼樣？she asked. very good. 很好？我明天得帶她去看病。 你什麼時候休假？ 我還不確定。走，到外面去！你答應跟我一塊兒去動物園的。 瑪莎和赫爾曼兩人可能要走好幾英里。瑪莎時常在商店櫥窗前停下。她看不起美國的奢侈品，但對便宜貨很感興趣。那些即將停業的商店會大拍賣，有時價格比原價便宜一半還不止。只要花幾分錢，瑪莎就可以買到零頭布，為她自己和母親做衣服。她還自己縫製床罩、窗簾，甚至家具套。但是誰上她家來呢？她到哪兒去呢？她和那些難民朋友已經疏遠第一，為了避開里昂．托特希納，他是他們中的一員；其次，由於她和赫爾曼的同居生活。他可能碰到某個認識他是住在康尼島的人，這種危險總是存在著的。 他們在植物園裡停住，觀賞著鮮花、棕櫚、仙人掌和生長在人工控制氣候的溫室中的許多植物。赫爾曼想，猶太民族也是溫室中的植物，它在陌生的環境中，靠著對彌賽亞的信念、對未來正義的希望、《聖經》永遠使他們著迷的書中的那些諾言提供的養料，保持興旺。 看了一會兒，赫爾曼和瑪莎繼續朝布朗克斯動物園走去。布朗克斯動物園很有名氣，他們在華沙的時候就知道了。兩隻北極熊在水池邊一塊突出的岩石陰影裡打盹，肯定夢見了雪和冰山。每一隻動物和小鳥各自在鳴叫，流傳下來的故事，既顯示出又隱瞞著繼續創造的形式。獅子在睡覺，不時懶洋洋地睜開金黃色的眼睛，表現出求生不得，求死不能的沮喪模樣，巨大的尾巴有力地揮動著驅趕蒼蠅。那隻狼來回跑著，瘋狂地兜圈子。老虎在地上喚著，想找一塊地方躺下。兩隻駱駝立著，默默無言，神情驕傲，像一對東方的王子。赫爾曼經常拿動物園和集中營對比。這兒充滿著渴望的氣氛渴望沙漠、小山、河谷、獸穴和親族。像猶太人一樣，這些動物從世界各地被運到這兒，被判過孤獨和無聊的生活。牠們中間有的用大喊大叫來表達牠們的哀愁；其他的則保持沉默。鸚鵡用嘶啞而刺耳的叫聲要求牠們的權利。長著香蕉型嘴的那隻鳥把腦袋從右轉到左，好像在尋找那個跟牠開這種玩笑的罪犯。是碰巧？還是達爾文的進化論？不，這是有計劃的或者至少是那些有意識的神玩的一場遊戲。赫爾曼想起瑪莎說過的關於天上的納粹的話。天上不是也可能有一個希特勒在統治嗎？苦難強加在被監禁的靈魂身上？他賦予它們肉、血、牙齒、爪子、角和憤怒。它們不得不去犯罪，否則就死亡。 瑪莎扔掉菸頭。你在想什麼先有雞，還是先有蛋？走，給我買客冰淇淋。