Chapter 5 Chapter Four

one Well, the impossible happened, Hermann said to himself, and it happened. He walked down Fourteenth Street, muttering to himself.He had said good-bye to Tamara at her uncle's and was on his way to Martha, whom he had called from an East Broadway cafeteria to tell her that one of his distant relatives from Chivkief was coming. .The funny thing is, he also named this relative Fevier.Lemberg; also described as a Talmud scholar in his early sixties. You can guarantee that he is not your old thirty-something girlfriend Eva.Clazowell?asked Martha. I'll introduce you to him if you like, replied Hermann.

Now Hermann stopped in front of a grocery store and called Jadwija.All the phone booths were filled, so he had to wait.It was not the event itself that puzzled him so much, but that, in all his imaginations and guesses, it had not occurred to him that Tamara might still be alive.Perhaps his children will also be brought back to life?The scroll of life will roll back and everything that existed in the past will reappear.As long as the angels were playing tricks on him, they must have something else going on.Didn't they create a Hitler?You can trust their creativity. Ten minutes passed, and none of the five telephone booths was free.The first man talked and gestured as if the person he was talking to on the phone could see him.The second was delivering a long monologue, babbling on and on.A third talked and smoked while arranging the change needed to extend the talk time.One girl laughed and kept looking at the red nails on her left hand, as if her conversation with the other had something to do with their shape and color.Everyone who called was clearly in a situation that required explanation, justification, and excuses.There was deceit, curiosity, and worry on their faces.

Finally, one of the phone booths emptied, and Hermann stepped in, breathing in the heat and smell of another man.After he dialed the number, Yadwija ​​answered the phone immediately, as if she had been waiting by the phone. Yazia, honey, it's me. Ah, it's you! How are you? where did you call baltimore. Yadwija ​​paused for a second.where is itWell, it all sounds the same anyway. Hundreds of miles from New York.Can you hear me clearly? I can hear you very well. I'm trying to sell books. Anyone buy it? It's a tough job to do, but they still buy it.They are the ones who pay our rent.how are you doing

Ah, I'm doing the laundry here and everything's getting so dirty, Jadwija ​​said, not realizing she kept saying the same things.Clothes are washed to rags here. How about a parrot? They chirped non-stop and kissed each other all day long. Lucky stuff.I'm spending the night here in Baltimore today, and tomorrow I'm going farther into Washington, but I'll call you.The phone doesn't care about the distance.The voice call from a distance of 180,000 miles was sent in a second. Herman said that he didn't understand why he should tell her this little knowledge.Maybe he wanted to give her the impression of how far away he was, so that she wouldn't expect him to come home anytime soon.He could hear birds chirping.Has anyone visited you?I mean did any of the neighbors come by?he asks.

No.But the doorbell rang.I opened the chained door to see a man standing outside with a vacuum cleaner.He wanted me to see how the machine sucks dust, but I said, I won't let anyone in if you're not at home. You are doing right.He may be a vacuum cleaner salesman, but he may also be a thief or a murderer. I didn't let him in the house. what are you doing tonight Ah, I have to do the dishes.Also your shirt needs ironing. These clothes don't need to be ironed. When will you call again? tomorrow. where are you going for dinner Philadelphia, I mean Baltimore has a lot of restaurants.

Don't eat meat.You're going to ruin your stomach. Anyway, everything is broken. You need to go to bed early. knew.I love you. When will you come home? The earliest is the day after tomorrow. Come back early, I'm so lonely without you. I miss you too.I'll bring you a present. After speaking, Herman hung up the phone. A good soul, Hermann said to himself.How can such a good person survive in this corrupt world?It's really a mystery unless one believes in the reincarnation of the soul.Hermann remembered that Martha had hinted to him that Jadwiga might have a lover too.It's impossible, he thought, getting angry.She is faithful.However, he allowed himself to imagine that, while she was talking to Herman, a Pole was standing next to Jadwija, and that Pole was also playing the same trick Herman knew so well.Well, there's only one thing a person can be sure of is death.

Hermann thought of Lamper Rabbi.If he didn't turn in the chapter he promised to finish that day, the rabbi might just tell him to fuck off.The Bronx and Brooklyn are paying rent again.I want to run away!I can't stand it.This will kill me. He came to a station and walked down the steps to the subway.So hot and so humid!Young Negroes were running fast, shouting, with African tones as much as New York tones.The women, soaked under the armpits, held packages and handbags and squeezed each other, eyes blazing.Hermann reached into his trouser pocket for his handkerchief, but it was wet.On the platform, a large group of people were pushing each other and waiting for the train.Woo!The train screeched into the station, as if it were going to fly across the platform.The carriage was already full of passengers.Before the people in the carriages got off the train, the crowd on the platform rushed towards the open doors.An irresistible force pushed Hermann into the carriage.Hips, boobs, elbows crowded him.Here, at least, the illusion of free will has disappeared.Man here is like a stone or a shooting star in space, being thrown around.

Hermann stood motionless in the cramped compartment; he envied the tall, six-foot people who could breathe the cool air that filtered in through the ventilators.Even the summer in the hayloft wasn't this hot.The Jews must have been loaded into vans like this and taken to the gas chambers. Hermann closed his eyes. What was he going to do now?Where should he start?Almost certainly, Tamara came to New York penniless.If she concealed the fact that she had a husband, she could get some allowance from the distribution committee of the Jewish Association.But she has said she does not want to deceive America's philanthropists.He committed bigamy again, and had a mistress.If found, he could be arrested and sent back to Poland.

I need to get a lawyer.I need to get a lawyer right away!But how did he explain the situation?American lawyers have simple solutions to any problem: Which one do you love?Divorce another.It's the end of the matter.Get a job.Ask a psychoanalyst to see a doctor.Hellman imagined the judge passing sentence on him, pointing at him with his index finger and saying: You have failed America's hospitality. I want all three, which is a shameful fact, by his own admission.Tamara became prettier, quieter, and more interesting.She suffered more than Martha.Divorcing her would mean driving her to another man.As for love, the experts use the word as if it had a definite definition, but no one has yet discovered its true meaning.

two Martha was at home when Hermann arrived.She was clearly in a good mood.She moved the cigarette from her lips and kissed him.From the kitchen came the whirring sound of cooking.He smelled fried meat, garlic, beetroot soup, and new potatoes.He heard Shivra.Puer's voice. He always whets his appetite here.The mother and daughter were endlessly cooking and roasting in pots and pans, making kimchi and serving noodles.It reminded him of Zivkov's parents' house.On the Sabbath, Shivra.Pue and Martha prepared a kebab dish and ghee pudding.Perhaps because he was living with a pagan, Martha made sure to light the Sabbath candles, polish the cleansing glasses, and set the table according to the rules and customs.Shifra.Puel was always asking Hermann about the dietary regulations: she had accidentally washed a milk spoon and a meat fork together; the candle grease had fallen on the plate;The last question Herman remembered was answered in this way: taste the liver to see if it is bitter.

Yes, it is bitter. If it is bitter, it is kosher to eat. Hermann was eating potatoes and pancakes when Martha asked about the relative he had visited.He almost choked on the big mouthful he was eating.He couldn't recall the name he had told her on the phone.But he is used to this kind of impromptu speech, he said: Yeah, I didn't know my relative was still alive. Is it a man or a woman? I told you, it was a man. You have said many things.who is he?from where? He remembered the name he had made up, Favel.Lemberg. What is his relationship with you? Relatives on my mother's end. What relative? My uncle's son. Your mother's maiden name is Lemberg?I remember you seem to have mentioned to me that it is not this surname. You remembered wrong. You said on the phone that he was a man in his early sixties.How do you have such an older cousin? My mother is the youngest, and my uncle is twenty years older than her. What's your uncle's name? Tufoe. Tufoe?How old was your mother when she died? Fifty-one years old. It sounds unbelievable.This is your ex-girlfriend.She missed you so much that she put a notice in the newspaper.Why did you tear up the notice?You are afraid that I will see the name and phone number.Well, I bought another newspaper.I'm going to call right now and find out what's going on.This time you got it on your own, Martha said.There was a look of resentment and pride all over his face. Hermann pushed his plate away. Why don't you call right away?It's good to end this ridiculous cross-examination!He said.Go, you go to dial!I hate it when you scold me so viciously! The expression on Martha's face changed.I can fight whenever I feel like it.Don't let the potatoes cool. If you don't trust me at all, what's the point of our relationship? It's really not interesting.Anyway, let's eat potatoes.If he is your mother's nephew, why do you say he is a distant relative? For me, all relatives are distant relatives. You have your gentile girl, and me, but when a slut comes from Europe, you leave me to meet her.A bitch like that might have syphilis. Shifra.Puer walked over to the table.Why don't you let him eat? Mom, don't bother me!Martha threatened her. I'm not here to disrupt the situation.Are my words of no use to you?When a person is eating alone, don't bother him with complaints.I heard about a guy somewhere, God bless us, choked to death You have a story to tell about everything anyway!He lied, he was a liar.He's too stupid to even tell a lie without being noticed.Martha spoke half to her mother, half to Hermann. Hermann spooned up a small potato; it was a new potato, round and oily, with some parsley on top.He was about to put it in his mouth when he stopped again.He found his wife, but lost his mistress.Is this the joke that fate has been planning to play with him? Although he had carefully considered the details he would tell Martha about his relatives, his memory was against him.He sliced ​​the soft little potato in half with the edge of his spoon.Should I be honest with her?he asked himself.But there was no answer.Strangely, despite his distress, he was calm.It was the resignation of a criminal caught red-handed to accept the inevitable punishment. why don't you callHe said. eat it.I'm going to get the pudding. He ate potatoes, and each bite gave him strength.He hadn't eaten lunch, exhausted by the events of the day.He imagined himself as a prisoner eating his last meal before execution.It won't be long before Martha learns the truth.Lampert Rabbi would surely tell him to fuck off.He only had two dollars in his pocket.He cannot apply for relief from the government and his double life could be revealed.What kind of work could he find?Even a job like washing dishes is impossible for him to find. Martha gave him a pudding and an apple in syrup with tea.Hermann had planned to write the rabbi's manuscript after supper, but his stomach felt too full.He thanked the mother and daughter for the meals prepared for him, Shifra.Pue said: Why thank us?Thank God in heaven.She brought Hermann a pitcher of water for washing his fingers and a skullcap so he could say his blessings.Herman mumbled the first stanza of the blessing, and then retired to his room.Martha filled the sink with water and started washing the dishes.It was still dark outside, and Hermann heard birds chirping in the trees in the backyard, but it seemed to him that it was not the usual sparrows chirping among the branches.They were, Herman thought jokingly, bird spirits from another time, pre-Columbian, even prehistoric, birds that woke and sang near dusk.In his room he often found some beetles at night, so large and so grotesque that he could hardly believe they were a product of this weather or this age. It seemed to Herman that the day was longer than any summer day he could remember.He remembers David.Hume [Note: Scottish philosopher, economist, and historian. 】Remarks: There is no logical argument to prove that the sun will rise the next morning.Since that is the case, then there is nothing to guarantee that the sun will set today. It's really hot.He often wondered how the room wasn't on fire when it was so hot.On particularly sweltering nights, he imagined flames bursting out of nowhere from the ceiling, from the walls, from the bedding, from the books and manuscripts.He stretched out on the bed, sometimes dozed off, sometimes meditated.Tamara had asked him for an address and phone number, but he didn't give it to her, promising to call her the next night.What do they all want to do?They all want to temporarily forget their loneliness and inevitable death.In spite of his poverty and uselessness, there were still a few people who depended on him.But it was Martha who made life meaningful.If she left him, Tamara and Jadwiga would become burdens. He fell asleep, and when he woke up, it was already night.He could hear Martha on the phone in the other room.She was talking to Lib.Abraham.Does Neeson talk?Still talking to Tamara?He listened nervously.No, she was talking to another cashier in the cafeteria.A few minutes later, she came to his room.In the semi-darkness, Martha said: Are you asleep? I just woke up. If you fall asleep as soon as you lie down, it means that you must have a ghost in your heart. I have not killed anyone. A man can kill without a knife.Then Martha changed her voice and said: Hermann, I can take my vacation now. Since when? We can go on Sunday morning. Hermann was silent for a while.I only have two dollars now, and a few cents. Can't you get a check from the rabbi? I'm not sure right now. You want to stay with your country folks or something.This year you have been promising to take me to the suburbs, but when things came to an end, you changed your mind.I shouldn't have said it, but compared to you, Leon.Totschner is an honest man.He lied, too, but he did so without malice, dreaming up all kinds of stupid fantasies.Did you post the notice yourself?I wouldn't be surprised.All I need to do is dial the phone number.I'll know right away what you're up to. Go make a call, go find out what's going on.For a few pennies, you can get to the truth. Who are you visiting today? My dead wife Tamara, she came back from the dead.She came to New York with nail polish. Yes, of course.What happened between you and the rabbi? I didn't submit the manuscript on time. You did this on purpose so you wouldn't go out with me.I do not need you.On Sunday mornings, I sort out a box of clothes by myself, and wherever my eyes go, my feet go.I'm going crazy if I don't leave the city for a few days.I've never been so tired, not even in a concentration camp. why don't you lie down Thanks for the suggestion; it didn't work.As soon as I lay down, all the atrocities, all the shame came to mind.If I fall asleep, I immediately go back in time and be with them.They pulled me, beat me, chased me.They came running from every direction, like a pack of hounds chasing a rabbit.Has anyone had nightmares about dying?Wait a minute, I have to go smoke a cigarette. Martha leaves the room.Hermann got up and looked out the window.The sky was gray and gloomy.The tree below stood motionless.The air smelled of swamp and tropics.Since ancient times, the earth has always rotated from west to east.The sun pulls its planets away from a certain place at high speed.The galaxy revolves around its own axis.In the midst of these cosmic movements Hermann stands, with his little realities, with his ridiculous little annoyances.Just a piece of rope or a drop of poison and those troubles would go away with him.Why doesn't she call?What is she waiting for?Hermann asked himself.Maybe she was afraid of knowing the truth. Martha came back with a cigarette in her mouth.If you want to come with me, I'll pay for you. Do you have money? I went to borrow from the union. You know I'm not worth it for you. No, if a man needs a thief, he will save the thief from the gallows. three On Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays, Herman planned to spend time with Jadwiga in Brooklyn.On Monday he was going to go on vacation with Martha in the country. He had finished the chapter and handed it to the rabbi with a solemn promise to never delay his work in the future.Luckily, Lampert Rabbi is always so busy that he simply doesn't have time to carry out his own threats.The rabbi got the manuscript and paid him immediately.The two telephones on the rabbi's desk were constantly ringing.Today he is flying to Detroit to give a speech.The rabbi shook his head as Hermann bid him farewell.He seemed to be saying: Don't think you can fool me, baby.I know more than you think.He didn't let Hermann take his whole hand but held out only two fingers. When Herman came to the door, Mrs. Regal, the secretary, stopped him. How about your phone call? I left the address with the rabbi.After speaking, he closed the door casually. To Hermann, getting a check from Lamper Rabbi was a miracle every time.He changed it into cash as quickly as he could at a bank where he knew the rabbi.He himself does not have a current account name for receiving checks.Despite his fears of being robbed, he kept the cash in the back pocket of his trousers.It was Friday, and according to the clock on the bank wall, it was a quarter past eleven.The rabbi had an office on West Fifty-seventh Street, where the bank was located. Herman walked in the direction of Broadway.Should he call Tamara?Judging by the way Martha had talked to him in the cafeteria, she must have given Rebecca a long time ago.Abraham.Neeson got on the phone.Now she must know that Tamara was indeed alive.This time I'm going to be smashed to pieces.Hermann knew he was repeating a phrase his father used to say. Hermann went into a store to make the phone, and he dialed Lib.Abraham.Neeson's phone number.After a few seconds, he heard Sheva.Hades' voice. Hello, who is it? It's me, Herman.Brod, Tamara's husband.He stammered. I will call her. He couldn't say how long he had been waiting, whether it was one, two, or five minutes.Tamara didn't answer the phone right away, which only meant that Martha had already called.Finally he heard Tamara's voice, which sounded different from yesterday.She spoke loudly: Hermann, is that you? Yes, it's me.I still don't believe what happened was real. Well, it's true.I was looking out the window and I saw a street in New York, and it was full of Jews, God bless them.I even heard the sound of chopping fish. . Where you live is a Jewish ghetto. There are Jews in Stockholm too, good Jews, but here it's a bit like Narentsev. Yes, traces of it still remain.Has anyone called you? Tamara didn't answer right away, she later said: "Who's going to call?I don't know anyone in New York.What are they called here?Member of the Hometown Association.My uncle used to look after some of them, but About renting a house, you haven't asked yet, have you? Who am I to ask?I'm going to the hometown meeting on Monday.Maybe they'll give me some advice.You promised to call last night. My promises are worthless. Things are also really strange.When I was in Russia, things were terrible, but at least we were together; whether we were in a labor camp or in the forest, we were a group of prisoners.We were also together in Stockholm.Here, for the first time, I was alone.I looked out the window, but I didn't feel like I belonged here.can you come hereMy uncle is not at home, and my aunt has to go shopping too.We can talk. OK, I'll come. bring it on.We had relationships in the past after all.After Tamara finished speaking, she hung up the phone. Herman had just stepped out of the store when a taxi came.He didn't make much money, barely enough to get by, but now he had to be in a hurry so he wouldn't have time to be with Jadwija ​​during the day.He sat in the taxi, his inner confusion making him burst out laughing.Yes, Tamara is here, this is not a hallucination. The taxi stopped, Herman paid the fare, and gave the driver some tips.He rang the bell and Tamara opened the door.The first thing he noticed was that Tamara had wiped off the red polish from her nails.She was wearing a different black dress than last time, and her hair was a little disheveled.He also noticed that she had a few strands of gray hair.She had already sensed that he was dissatisfied with her American attire, and had returned to what she had been wearing back home.She looked older now, and he noticed wrinkles around the corners of her eyes. My aunt just went out, she said. Hermann didn't kiss her when they first met.At this time, he made a gesture to kiss her, but she avoided it. I'm going to get some tea. Tea?I just had lunch. I think I have a right to invite you to have a cup of tea with me, she said in Madame Nerence's coquettish manner. He followed her into the living room.The kettle sizzled in the kitchen, and Tamara went over to make tea.A moment later she came in with a tray of tea and lemons and a plate of cookies that must have been Sheva.Hades baked.They were not uniform in shape, but crooked, like cakes baked at Zivkev's house.They smell of cinnamon and almonds.Herman chewed on a cookie.His cup was overfilled with tea, hot to the touch, and in it lay a darkened silver spoon.Strange to say, the worldly traits of the Polish Jewry past, down to the smallest detail, have been transplanted here. Tamara was sitting at the table, neither too close nor too far from Hermann, but at the appropriate distance between a woman and a man who was no longer her husband but was still a relative.I keep looking at you and I can't believe it's you, she said, I can't bring myself to believe anything.When I got here, I couldn't see everything clearly. In what ways? I have almost forgotten what life used to be like.You may not believe me, Herman, but I lay awake all night, unable to remember how we first met and how we grew closer.I know we often fight, but I don't know why.My life has been peeled off like an onion.I have forgotten what happened in Russia and even the more recent years in Sweden.We keep going from place to place and God knows why.They fill us a form and take it away.Don't ask me how many times I've signed my name in the last few weeks!Why do they want so many signatures?Every piece of paper I signed was my married name, Broad.To those officials, I am still your wife, Tamara.Broad. We will never be strangers. You didn't mean it at all, you were just talking.You console yourself so quickly with your mother's maid.But my children and your children still come to me.Let's stop talking about this!Or tell me how you got on.At least she's a good wife, right?You used to be full of resentment towards me. What can I expect her to do?She is doing the same job now as she did when she was a servant in our house. Hermann, you can tell me everything.First of all, we used to live together.Second, as I've told you before, I don't think I'm part of the world at all.Maybe I can help you too. How can I help?A man is no longer a part of society when he hides in a straw shed for many years.The truth is, here in America I'm still holed up in an attic.You said the same thing the other day. Well, two dead people certainly don't have to hide anything from each other.As long as you're still doing what you've been doing, why don't you find a decent career?You cannot write articles for a rabbi all your life. What else can I do?In order to press drawers, you had to be strong and belong to a union.The workers' organizations here are called trade unions, and it is not easy to join unless Your children are all dead.Why don't you let her have a baby? Maybe you can still have kids. Why give birth?For those heretics to be burned?However, it is very lonely here.I met a woman who was in a concentration camp.She lost all her family, but now she has another husband and a bunch of kids.Many people started their lives again.My uncle nagged me late into the night, forcing me to have a talk with you and make a decision.They're nice guys, if a little too blunt.He said you must divorce her; or you must divorce me.He even hinted that he wanted to leave me some inheritance.They have only one answer to everything: it is God's will.Just because they believe this, they have been able to get through all the difficulties and live healthy and safe lives up to now. I can't get a kosher divorce from Yadwija ​​because we weren't married kosher, Hermann said. Are you at least loyal to her, or are there other women?Tamara asked. Herman paused.You want me to confess everything? It's better for me to know the real situation. The truth is, I have a mistress. A smile flitted across Tamara's face.That's what I expected.What can you talk to Jadwiga about?She would only put her right shoe on her left.Who is your mistress? From the concentration camp over there. Why don't you marry her instead of Jadwija? She has a husband.They don't live together, but he won't divorce her. I get it, you haven't changed at all.Anyway, you still told the truth.Don't hide anything, do you? I said everything. To me, it's the same thing whether you have one mistress, or two, or a dozen.If you weren't loyal to me when I was young and pretty, or at least not ugly, why should you be loyal to an unattractive redneck?Well, that your mistress, she allowed you to do this? She has no other choice.Her husband did not agree to divorce her.she loves me. do you love her too I can't live without her. Come on, come on, to hear such words from your mouth!She is very pretty?clever?Still charming? She's beautiful, smart, and charming. How did you arrange it?Running back and forth between the two of them? I try my best. You don't understand a single thing.Know nothing, exactly.If I hadn't witnessed what they did to our children, I might still be the same me.Everyone tried to comfort me, telling me that time would heal my wounds.The opposite is true: the longer the time, the deeper the trauma.I must rent a room somewhere, Hermann.I can no longer live with other people.It's easier to be in the company of those locked together.If I don't want to listen to them, I just say to them, go away and bother someone else.But I can't talk to my uncle like that.He treats me like a father.I don't need a divorce; I'll never live with anyone else again.Unless of course you want a divorce, then No, Tamara, I don't want a divorce.Nothing can take away my affection for you. What feelings?You lied to other people, well, you can't change that, but you also lied to yourself.I don't want to preach to you, but you don't get any good out of this mess.I look at you and think: A beast surrounded by hunters with no escape, looks just like you.What kind of person is your mistress? A little fanatical, but really funny. She has no children? No. Is she young enough to have children? Yes, but she doesn't want kids either. You're lying, Hermann.If a woman loves a man, she wishes to bear him children.She also wanted to be his wife and not let him go to another woman.Why is she not getting along well with her husband? Ah, he's a liar, a parasite, a scoundrel.He claimed to have the title of doctor and got money from old women. Excuse me, so what did she get when she switched one?A man with two wives who wrote sermons for a deceitful rabbi.Have you told your mistress about my situation? not yet.But she saw the notice in the newspaper and became suspicious.She might call here any minute.Otherwise, she has already called? No one ever called.If she does call, what am I going to say?Said I was your sister?This is what Sarah said to Abimelech about Abraham. I told her my cousin was coming, his name was Favel.Lemberg. Then I told her that I am Favel.Lemberg?Tamara burst out laughing.Her whole countenance had changed.Her eyes shone with a joy Hermann had never seen before, or perhaps had forgotten.A dimple appeared on her left cheek.Looked like a naughty girl for a moment.He stood up and she stood up too. Are you leaving so soon? Tamara, the world has fallen apart through no fault of ours. What else do I expect?Be a third wheel on your crappy car?Let's not spoil the past years.We have lived together for many years.Despite your noise, those years were still my happiest. They continued their conversation standing in the corridor near the door.Tamara had heard that the daughter-in-law of old Zikov's rabbi wife was alive and about to marry.But, being a devout Jew, she was bound to be free from marriage to her husband's brother.Her husband has a brother in America who is a free thinker.At least I have the right to know these saints, Tamara said.Perhaps, in my unfortunate experience, it was God's will.Suddenly she came up to Hermann and kissed him on the mouth.It happened so quickly that Hermann didn't have time to kiss her back.He wanted to hug her, but she quickly backed away, expressing that she wanted him to go. Four Fridays in Brooklyn are not the same as in Zivkef.Although Jadwiga has not yet converted to Judaism, she tries to follow traditional Jewish rules as much as possible.She had memorized Jewish rituals from her days working at Hermann's parents' house.She bought a challah and baked a special Shabbat cookie.Here in the US, she doesn't have a proper stove for Shabbat roasts, but a neighbor taught her to put an asbestos mat over the gas range so the roasts don't burn, and they stay hot all Saturday. Jadwija ​​went to Mermaid Avenue to buy wine and prayer candles.She got two brass candlesticks somewhere, and though she didn't know how to say the prayers, after she lit the Sabbath candles, she would put her fingers over her eyes for a moment and mutter something like she saw Hale Man's mother did. But Hermann, a Jew, ignored the Sabbath.He turned on the lights and turned them off, even though it was forbidden to do so.After a Shabbat meal of fish, rice, baby peas, and chicken stew with carrots, he sat down to write, even though that too was not allowed.Yadwija ​​asked him why he broke the commandments of God, he said: God is not, you hear?即使是有的，我也不理祂。 這個星期五，雖然赫爾曼已拿到了稿酬，可他似乎比往常更加心煩意亂。他問了雅德維珈好幾次，是否有人來過電話。在魚和湯兩道菜中間，他從胸口袋裡拿出一個筆記本和一支鋼筆，草草地寫了些什麼。在有的星期五晚上，碰到他興致高的時候，他會唱他父親在吃飯時唱的讚美詩，如《肖洛姆．阿萊哈姆》、《一個可尊敬的女人》等，他把歌詞譯成波蘭語唱給雅德維珈聽。前面那首是向在安息日護送猶太人從會堂回家的天使們致敬。後面那首是讚揚一位貞節的妻子比珍珠還要難得。有一次，他給她翻譯了一首關於一個蘋果園、一個可愛的新郎和一個帶著珠寶的新娘的讚美詩。詩裡描述了擁抱，根據雅德維珈的看法，一首神聖的讚美詩裡這是不應該有的。赫爾曼解釋說，這首詩是一位以聖獅聞名的希伯來神祕主義哲學家寫的，他是一個奇蹟創造者，先知以利亞在他面前顯過靈。歌中的婚禮是在天堂裡進行的。 在他唱這些聖歌時，雅德維珈的臉上升起一片紅暈，一雙眼睛會變得愈加明亮，充滿了安息日的快樂。但是今天晚上他悶聲不響，煩躁不安。雅德維珈懷疑，他在外地有時候和別的女人在一起。他畢竟有時可能需要一個能識得那些細小的字母的女人。一個男人真的能懂得什麼才是對他最好嗎？男人們是多麼容易被一個詞兒、一絲微笑和一個手勢欺騙啊。 整整一星期中，一到黃昏雅德維珈就把長尾鸚鵡的鳥籠蓋起來。但是在安息日前夕，她讓牠們晚些睡覺。那隻雄鸚鵡沃伊圖斯會跟赫爾曼一起唱歌。這隻鳥會陷入一種神志恍惚的狀態，嘰喳亂叫、飛來飛去。今晚赫爾曼沒有唱歌，沃伊圖斯停在鳥籠頂上，用嘴整理自己的羽毛。 出什麼事了嗎？雅德維珈問。 沒有，沒有，赫爾曼答道。 雅德維珈離開房間去鋪床。赫爾曼望著窗外。瑪莎通常在星期五晚上給他來電話。在安息日這天，她從來不使用家裡的電話，以免惹惱她母親。她總是出去買香菸，從附近的一家店鋪裡給他打電話。但是今晚電話鈴還沒響過。 瑪莎已經看到報紙上的啟事，因此他隨時等待著這件不體面的事情敗露。他編造的謊話實在太明顯了。瑪莎肯定很快就會發現他並沒有在開玩笑，塔瑪拉是回來了。昨天，瑪莎有好幾次嘲弄地眨巴著眼睛，用嫉妒的、得意揚揚的口吻重複著他那假表哥費維爾．萊姆伯格的名字。顯然她是在推遲這次打擊，免得破壞他們從星期一開始的、那一星期休假。 正像赫爾曼對雅德維珈完全感到放心一樣，他對瑪莎感到毫無把握。她根本不接受他和其他女人一起生活這個事實。她用話刺激他，說她要回到里昂．托特希納那兒去。赫爾曼知道男人們在追求她。他經常看到他們在自助餐廳裡想方設法和她搭訕，問她住在哪兒，電話號碼多少，還留下了他們自己的名片。餐廳裡的工作人員，從老板到洗盤子的波多黎各人都眼饞地看覷著她。就是女人們也羨慕她那優美的體形、長長的脖子、纖細的腰肢、苗條的大腿和白皙的皮膚。他有什麼力量把她給吸引住了呢？這到底能維持多久呢？他已經無數次地做好準備，瑪莎總有一天會跟他鬧翻。 現在，他站在那兒望著窗外：街道燈光昏暗，樹上的葉子紋絲不動，康尼島的燈光映襯著天空。上了年紀的男女把椅子放在門口附近，正在聊天，這是那些沒有什麼可以希望的人的漫長的閒聊。 雅德維珈把手放在他肩上。床已經鋪好了。被褥都是剛換上的。 赫爾曼關掉了起居室的電燈，留下蠟燭閃著暗淡的搖曳不定的亮光。雅德維珈走進臥室。從農村帶來的女人的習慣她從不忘記。她在睡覺前漱口、洗臉、梳頭。就是在利普斯克，她也一直梳妝得乾乾淨淨。在這兒，她收聽波蘭廣播電臺播送的各種衛生指導節目。天黑了，沃伊圖斯發出最後一聲抗議，飛進籠內和瑪里安娜待在一起。牠挨著瑪里安娜穩穩當當地停在棲木上，牠倆就一動不動地棲息到黎明降臨，也許嘗到了隨死亡而來的大休息的滋味。這對人和動物是一種拯救。 赫爾曼慢慢地脫衣服。他想像塔瑪拉躺在她叔叔家中的沙發上，還沒有睡著，她的眼睛在黑暗中瞪著。瑪莎可能正站在克羅頓公園附近或是特賴蒙特大道上，抽著菸。路過的男孩子們朝她吹口哨。說不定有一輛汽車停下，有人正想把她帶走。也可能她正和什麼人一起坐在汽車裡。 電話鈴響了，赫爾曼趕忙去聽。一支安息日蠟燭已經熄滅，但是另一支仍然發出嗶嗶剝剝的聲響。他拿起聽筒，悄沒聲兒地說：瑪莎！ 電話裡沉默了一會兒。接著瑪莎說：你是不是正和那個鄉下人一起躺在床上？ 沒有，我沒和她一起躺在床上。 那你在哪兒？在床底下？ Where are you?Hermann asked. 對你來說，我在哪兒不都一樣？你可以和我在一起。可是你卻和一個利普斯克笨蛋一起過夜。而且你還有別的人。你那表哥費維爾．萊姆伯格是個胖妓女，你喜歡這種人。你是否也跟她睡過覺？ not yet. who is she?你還是給我說實話的好。 我告訴過你了：塔瑪拉還活著，她到這兒來了。 塔瑪拉已經死了，正在地裡腐爛呢。費維爾是你的一個情婦。 我以父母的骨頭起誓，不是情婦！ 電話線那頭一陣緊張的沉默。 告訴我她是誰？瑪莎堅持著問。 我一個親戚。一個失去自己的孩子，身心受到損傷的女人，同鄉會把她帶到了美國。 那你為什麼說是費維爾．萊姆伯格？瑪莎問。 因為我知道你是個多疑的人。如果你聽見我提到一個女人，你馬上就會認為 她多大年紀？ 比我大，身體全垮了。難道你真的相信里布．Abraham.Neeson.雅羅斯拉夫會為了我的情婦在報上登啟事？他們是虔誠的人。我告訴過你給他們去電話，你自己去了解真相。 嗯，也許這回你是無罪的。你永遠不會知道這幾天我是怎麼過的。 小傻瓜，我愛你！你現在在哪兒？ 我在哪兒？在特賴蒙特大道的一家糖果店裡。我剛才一面抽菸，一面沿大道走著，每過幾分鐘就有一輛小汽車停下，有個流裡流氣的人想帶我走。那些男孩子衝我吹口哨，好像我是個十八歲的姑娘似的。他們在我身上看到了什麼，我永遠也不會知道。我們星期一到哪兒去？ 我們會找個好去處的。 留下母親一人在家，我有些擔心。她要是發起病來怎麼辦？哪怕她死了，也不會被人發現。 請一位鄰居照看她一下。 我跟鄰居們沒來往。我不能突然去找他們，要求他們幫忙。再說我媽怕見別人。如果有人敲門，她就以為是納粹。以色列的敵人應該像我享受這次旅行的前景似的享受生活。 如果是這樣，那就待在城裡吧。 我懷念青草，清新的微風。就是在集中營裡，空氣也不像這兒那麼汙濁。我要帶媽一塊兒去，但是在她眼裡，我是個妓女。上帝使她遭受各種不幸，她害怕得發抖，只怕她為上帝做得不夠。事實是，希特勒做了上帝想做的事。 那你幹嘛還要點安息日蠟燭？你幹嘛還要在贖罪日齋戒？ 那不是為上帝。真的上帝憎恨我們。但是，我們幻想出一個愛我們的偶像，使我們成為祂的選民。你自己說過：異教徒把石頭當成神，而我們把理論當成神。你星期日什麼時候到我這兒來？ 四點，你也既是個神，又是個凶手。好，祝你安息日愉快。 five 赫爾曼和瑪莎坐公共汽車去阿第倫達克山【註：美國紐約州東北部的一處山地。 】.經過六小時的旅程，他們在喬治湖下了車。他們花七塊錢租了一間房間，決定在那兒過夜。他倆出發的時候心中毫無計劃。赫爾曼在公園長凳上發現一張紐約州的地圖，這就成了他的導遊。從他們住的房間的窗戶望下去，可以看到一個湖和起伏的小山。微風徐徐吹拂，帶來陣陣松樹的清香。遠處傳來音樂聲。瑪莎隨身帶了一籃吃的，都是她和母親準備的，有薄煎餅、布丁、糖水蘋果、乾梅子、葡萄乾和一塊自製蛋糕。 瑪莎站在窗前，一面眺望湖面上的划艇和摩托艇，她一面抽菸，一面開玩笑地說：納粹在哪兒？沒有納粹，這是個怎麼樣的世界啊？一個落後的國家，這個美國。 臨來前，瑪莎用度假用的錢買了一瓶科涅克白蘭地。她在俄國時就學會了喝酒。赫爾曼只從紙杯中呷了一口，瑪莎卻一次次地倒滿自己的杯子，變得越來越興奮，又是唱歌又是吹口哨。 剛進入童年，瑪莎在華沙學過舞蹈。她的小腿跟舞蹈家的小腿那麼結實。這會兒她舉起雙臂跳起舞來。她穿著套裙和尼龍長統襪，嘴唇間叼著一支菸，頭髮蓬鬆，這使赫爾曼想起經常去齊甫凱夫演出的馬戲團裡的演員。她用意第緒語、希伯來語、俄語和波蘭語唱歌。她要赫爾曼跟她一起跳舞，用醉醺醺的口吻催促他：來啊，猶太法典學院的學生娃，讓我瞧瞧你會點兒什麼。 他們睡得很早，不過晚上他們卻有不知多少事情。瑪莎睡了一個小時就醒了。她想同時做許多事情：做愛、抽菸、喝酒、說話。月兒低懸在湖水上空。魚兒撲騰撲騰歡跳。星星像小燈籠似的晃動著。瑪莎給赫爾曼講故事，這些故事使他又生氣又嫉妒。 第二天早晨，他們收拾起東西又乘上公共汽車。這天晚上，他們在斯克龍湖邊的一間平房裡過夜。屋裡太冷，為了免得著涼，他們只得把衣服壓在毯子上。第二天吃過早飯，他倆租了一條小船。赫爾曼划槳，瑪莎張開四肢躺在陽光下取暖。赫爾曼想像他能從瑪莎額頭的皮膚和閉著的眼瞼中看到她的思想。 他沉思著，生活在美國，在一個自由國家裡，不用害怕納粹、邊境哨兵和告密者，是多麼古怪啊。他連要求入美國籍的初步申請書都沒有帶。在美國沒有人會問你要證明。不過，他沒法完全忘掉在美人魚大道和海神大道之間的一條馬路上，雅德維珈在等他。在東百老匯里布．Abraham.Neeson.雅羅斯拉夫的家中，塔瑪拉她已經回來了正等著他可能給予的任何微小的施捨。他永遠不可能完全擺脫這些女人對他的各種要求。哪怕蘭珀特拉比也有權抱怨他。赫爾曼拒絕了拉比想要強加給他的友誼。 然而，在淡藍的天空下，周圍是黃綠色的湖水，他內疚的心情還是有所減輕。鳥兒宣布新的一天來臨，好像這天是開天闢地後的第一個早晨似的。暖風帶來樹木的味兒和旅店裡正在做菜的香味。赫爾曼想像他聽到了一隻雞或是一隻鴨的尖叫聲。在這可愛的夏天早晨，家禽正在被宰殺，處處都是特雷布林卡。 瑪莎帶來的食物已經吃完，可是她不願去餐廳吃飯。她去市場買麵包、番茄、奶酪和蘋果。她買回來一大堆東西，足夠一大家子人吃的。她雖然調皮輕佻，但也具有做母親的本能。她不像放蕩的婦女那麼亂花錢。瑪莎在平房裡發現一隻石油爐，她在爐子上燒咖啡。石油味兒和煙使赫爾曼想起了自己在華沙的學生時代。 蒼蠅、蜜蜂和蝴蝶從敞開的窗戶外飛進屋。蒼蠅和蜜蜂叮在一些撒出來的糖上。一隻蝴蝶在一片麵包上空盤旋。牠並不吃，好像只是在欣賞麵包的香味兒。赫爾曼覺得不該把這些昆蟲趕走；他從每一種生物的身上，看到了生存、體驗和了解這個永恆的意志的種種表現。那隻蒼蠅的觸鬚朝食物探出去的時候，牠的後腳併在一起搓著。那隻蝴蝶的翅膀使赫爾曼想起了祈禱巾。蜜蜂嗡嗡嗡地飛來飛去，最後又飛了出去。一隻小螞蟻在近處爬著。經過寒冷的夜晚，牠活了下來，現在正在爬過桌子可是到哪兒去呢？牠在一顆麵包屑前停了一下，然後繼續前進，按著鋸齒形前後爬著。牠離開了蟻穴，只好獨立生活了。 從斯克龍湖出發，赫爾曼和瑪莎來到普萊西德湖。他倆在山上一幢房子裡要了間房間。房間裡一切都很陳舊，但一塵不染；客廳、樓梯、掛在牆上的畫和各種裝飾品、繡著紋章圖案的毛巾，毛巾是從德國進口的，是第一次世界大戰前剩下來的。寬大的床上放著厚厚的枕頭，像歐洲的小旅店似的。從屋裡窗口望出去是群山。太陽已經落山，在牆壁上投下了一方塊一方塊綠紫色的影子。 過了一會兒，赫爾曼下樓去打電話。他已經教會雅德維珈怎麼接收費電話。雅德維珈問他在哪兒，他說了他第一個想到的地名。平常雅德維珈並不埋怨他，可是這回她激動地說：她害怕黑夜，鄰居們笑話她，對著她指指戳戳。赫爾曼為什麼需要那麼多錢？她非常願意去工作，幫助他，這樣也好使他像其他男人那樣待在家裡。赫爾曼使她平靜下來，向她表示歉意，而且答應不在外面待得太久。她在電話裡給了他一個響吻，他也回吻了她。 他到樓上的時候，瑪莎不願和他說話。她說：現在我可知道真相了。 什麼真相？ 我聽見了。你惦記她，你簡直等不到回去跟她在一起了。 她很孤獨，又無依無靠。 那我呢？ 他們默默地吃晚飯。瑪莎沒有開燈。她遞給他一個煮雞蛋，他突然想起了聖殿節【註：猶太人紀念他們擺脫敘利亞和希臘的轄制，把耶路撒冷的聖殿再次呈獻給耶和華。】前夕、齋戒前的最後一頓飯，吃著微有灰燼的煮雞蛋，這是一種哀悼的表示，象徵著一個人的命運會像雞蛋那樣滾來滾去，會變壞。瑪莎交替著抽菸和咀嚼。他想跟她說話，可是她不願回答。吃完飯不久，她就和衣躺在床上，蜷曲著身子，很難弄清她到底是睡著了還是在發脾氣。 赫爾曼來到外面，沿著一條不知名的街道走著，在一家賣紀念品的商店櫥窗前，他停住了腳步望進去，印度洋娃娃、木底金邊涼鞋、西藏念珠、中國耳環、墨西哥手鐲。他來到一個湖邊，湖水映出了紅棕色的天空。從德國來的難民們寬肩膀的男人和肥胖的女人在湖邊散步。他們正在談著房子啊、商店啊、證券交易所啊。他們在哪些方面像是我的兄弟姐妹們呢？Hermann asked himself.他們的猶太人的特點是什麼？我的猶太人的特點是什麼呢？他們都有同樣的願望，盡快地同化，消除原來的口音。赫爾曼既不屬於他們也不屬於美國、波蘭或俄國的猶太人。像早晨桌子上的那隻螞蟻一樣，他離開了他的居住區。 赫爾曼繞著湖泊散步，他走過一小片一小片的樹林，走過一所蓋得像瑞士農舍小屋的旅店。螢火蟲一閃一閃，蟋蟀嘰嘰叫，一隻沒有睡覺的小鳥在樹梢間尖鳴。月亮升起來了，像一個骷髏頭。天上有什麼？什麼是月亮？是誰創造了月亮？為什麼要創造它？也許答案就像萬有引力那麼簡單，就等著某個人去發現，據說牛頓是在看到蘋果從樹上掉下的那一刻發現萬有引力的。也許包羅萬象的真理可以歸納在一句話中。要不，可以用來給它下定義的詞彙還有待創造吧？ 他回到旅館的房間時已經很晚了。他走了好幾英里。屋子裡漆黑一團。瑪莎躺在床上的姿勢跟他離開房間時的一模一樣。他走近她，摸了摸她的臉，好像要確定她還活著似的。她給嚇了一跳，說：你想幹嘛？ 他脫下衣服，挨著她躺下。他躺著睡著了。等他睜開眼睛的時候，月光明亮，瑪莎站在房間中央，嘴就著酒瓶喝科涅克白蘭地。 瑪莎，這可不對勁！ 怎樣才對勁呢？ 她脫去睡衣，走向他。他們默默地接吻、做愛。事後，她坐起來，點了一支菸。她突然說：五年前的這時候我在哪兒？她使勁想了很長時間。然後她說：還在死人中間。 six 赫爾曼和瑪莎繼續旅行，他們在離加拿大邊境不遠的一家旅館裡住下來。他們只剩下幾天假期了，旅館的費用倒不貴。 旅館的一排平房面臨湖水。穿著泳衣的男男女女在門外打牌。在一個網球場上，一位拉比戴著一頂室內便帽，穿著短褲跟他妻子在打網球，他妻子戴著正統猶太女人戴的假髮。在兩棵松樹間的一張吊床上躺著一個男孩和一位姑娘，兩人不停地格格笑著。男孩額頭很高，頭髮亂蓬蓬，狹窄的胸脯上長滿了汗毛。女孩子穿著一件緊身泳衣，脖子上戴著一顆大衛王之星。 旅館的老板娘告訴赫爾曼，這兒的飯菜是嚴格按照猶太教規定做的，旅客們都是幸福的一家人。她把赫爾曼和瑪莎帶到一間平房裡，房間的四壁沒有上過漆，露出橫梁的天花板。旅客們一起在餐廳一張長桌子上用餐。吃飯的時候，那些衣服穿得很少的母親把飯菜塞進她們孩子的嘴裡，她們決心讓孩子長成高大的美國人，六英尺高。孩子們哇哇亂哭，飯菜鯁住了，結果硬塞進嘴裡的菜又吐了出來。赫爾曼認為孩子們發怒的眼神似乎在說話：為了滿足你們的虛榮心而受苦，我們可不幹。打網球的拉比滔滔不絕地在說笑話。侍者大學或是猶太法典學院的學生和年紀比較大的女人們開玩笑，和姑娘們調情。他們立即開始問瑪莎，她從哪兒來的，還不斷含蓄地奉承她。赫爾曼的喉嚨繃緊了。不管是洋蔥、碎牛肝、丸子、肥牛肉片還是香腸，他都嚥不下去。桌子旁邊的那個女人發愁地說：他是怎麼樣的人啊？他不吃東西。 赫爾曼在雅德維珈的草料棚裡和在德國難民營裡待過，後來在美國又艱苦地生活了多年，和這種現代猶太人已經失去接觸。可是他們出現在這兒。一個圓臉、白髮的意第緒語詩人正在和拉比進行討論。詩人自稱是無神論者，談論著世俗的人情、文化、猶太人領域和反猶太主義。當詩人繼續滔滔不絕地談論時，拉比舉行了飯後洗手儀式，嘴裡咕嚕著祝福詞。有時拉比的眼睛裡流露出一種呆滯的神色，還出聲吟誦幾個詞兒。一個胖女人爭論說，意第緒語是一種土語，是一種沒有語法的大雜燴。一個蓄著鬍鬚、戴金絲邊眼鏡和絲絨便帽的猶太人站起身，發表了一通關於新建的以色列國的演說，並且徵募捐款。 瑪莎已經和別的女人交談開了。她們叫她布羅德太太，想知道她和赫爾曼什麼時候結婚的，有幾個孩子，赫爾曼幹什麼工作。赫爾曼低垂著腦袋。和別人的每一種接觸都使他心裡感到恐懼。有人會認識他和雅德維珈是住在布魯克林的，這種可能性總是存在的。 一個加里西亞老人抓住布羅德這個姓開始仔細詢問赫爾曼，他的老家是在倫貝格、塔爾努夫、布羅迪還是在德羅戈貝奇。老人有個親戚也姓布羅德，是他父親或是祖父的表親的後代，這個表親是個拉比，後來成了一名律師，現下是特拉維夫以色列正教黨的一個重要人物。赫爾曼回答得越多，那個老人越是要刨根問底。他似乎下定決心要證明他和赫爾曼是親戚。 坐在桌子邊的女人們眾口一詞誇瑪莎長得漂亮，身材苗條，穿著美觀。她們了解到瑪莎的衣服都是她自己做的時候，就想知道瑪莎是否願意接工作。她們都有各式各樣的衣服需要放大、改小、放長或是改短。 赫爾曼吃得很少，但是他從桌邊站起來的時候，覺得胃很沉。他和瑪莎出去散步。他沒有意識到，經過這些年的孤獨生活，他已變得多麼不耐煩，同一切人事糾纏多麼疏遠。他只有一個願望：盡快離開這裡。他走得很快，瑪莎給拉在後面。 你幹嘛奔跑？沒有人在追你。 他們朝山上走去。赫爾曼不時朝後看。在這兒人能不能躲開納粹？會有人把他和瑪莎藏在草料棚裡嗎？他剛吃完午飯，就已經在擔心晚飯時分怎麼去應付那些人。他沒法坐在他們中間，看著別人硬塞東西給孩子們吃，把食物弄得一團糟。他沒法聽那些空話。在城裡時，赫爾曼一直渴望大自然、渴望野外，但實際上他並不適應這種寧靜。瑪莎怕狗。每次她聽到狗叫，總是抓住赫爾曼的胳膊。她很快就說她穿著高跟鞋走不動了。他們從一些農民身旁經過，他們都帶著厭惡的神情打量著正在散步的這一對男女。 他們回到旅館，赫爾曼突然決定去租一條供旅客用的划艇。瑪莎勸他別這麼做。你會把咱倆淹死的，她說。但是她最後還是坐在小艇上，點起了一支菸。赫爾曼知道怎麼划船，不過他和瑪莎都不會游泳。淡藍的天空萬里無雲，微風吹拂著。波浪起伏，拍打著划艇的兩側，划艇像搖籃似地搖晃著。赫爾曼不時地聽到濺水聲，好像某個怪物正潛在水中，悄悄地跟在他們後面游著，準備隨時掀翻小艇。瑪莎帶著擔憂的神色注視他，指揮他，批評他。對他在運動方面的能力，瑪莎沒什麼信心。要不，也許她不信任的是她自己的命運。 看那隻蝴蝶！ 瑪莎用手指著。牠到底怎麼能在世界上飛得離岸這麼遠？牠還能飛回去嗎？蝴蝶在半空中飛翔。牠彎彎曲曲地飛著，沒有一定的方向，突然牠不見了。波浪呈現出金黃色和陰影交織成的圖案，把湖水變成一個巨大而流動的棋盤。 careful!那兒有一塊礁石！ 瑪莎驀地坐直身子，小艇左右搖晃不停。赫爾曼馬上朝後划槳。一塊礁石突出在水面上，尖尖的，表面凸凹不平，還長滿了青苔，它是冰河時代和在地球上沖出這個盆地的那條冰河的遺留物。它經受了陣雨、大雪、嚴寒和酷暑的侵襲。它什麼都不怕。它不需要拯救，它早已得到了拯救。 赫爾曼把小船划到岸邊，他和瑪莎上了岸。他們回到那間平房，躺在床上，蓋上羊毛毯。瑪莎緊閉的雙眼似乎在眼瞼下微笑。然後她努動著嘴唇。赫爾曼注視著她。他認識她嗎？連她的面貌他都似乎感到陌生。他從來沒有好好考慮過她的鼻子、下巴和前額的形狀。她心裡在想些什麼？ 瑪莎渾身發抖，坐起身來。我剛才見到了我的父親。她沉默了一會兒。然後她問：今天是幾號？ 赫爾曼講了日期。 我的朋友來過已有七個星期了，瑪莎說。 赫爾曼開始不明白她說的是什麼。跟她一起生活的幾個女人都給月經另起名字，叫成什麼聖日啦，朋友啦，月刊啦。他警惕起來，計算著和她待在一起的日子。 是啊，晚了。 我每次都不晚。別的事情我可能不正常，這個我可百分之百正常。 找醫生給看看。 還太早，他們看不出什麼。我再等上一個星期。在美國，人工流產要花五百美元。瑪莎改變了說話的腔調。而且也很危險。原來在自助餐廳裡工作的一個女人去做人工流產。結果她得了血中毒，死了。死得多麼可怕啊！如果我有個三長兩短，我媽怎麼辦呢？我敢肯定你會讓她挨餓的。 別說得那麼嚇人。你還沒死呢。 生死相隔有多遠？我看到過人們死去，我可知道。 seven 那位拉比顯然準備好一些新的笑話在吃晚飯時講；他肚子裡的軼事似乎是講不完的。婦女們格格發笑。實習侍者乒乒乓乓端上飯菜。孩子們昏昏欲睡，不想吃什麼，他們的媽媽拍打他們的手。一位新近來到美國的婦女把飯菜退了回去，侍者問道：在希特勒統治下你吃得更好嗎？ 飯後，他們都集中在一間由倉庫改建成的娛樂場內。那位意第緒語詩人發表了一通歌頌史達林的演說，還背誦無產階級詩歌。一名女演員表演模仿知名人士。她哭啊、笑啊、尖叫啊、做出各種各樣的表情。一個曾在紐約意第緒語雜耍場演過的男演員講各種黃色的故事：有一個丈夫受了矇騙，他的妻子把一個哥薩克藏在她床底下；有一個拉比去給一個放蕩的女人講道，離開她家時衣服上的鈕扣遮布都敞開著。女人和姑娘們笑得彎下身去。為什麼對我來說一切都那麼痛苦？Hermann asked himself.這間娛樂場裡粗俗的氣氛否定了創造的意義。它使大屠殺的極大痛苦蒙受恥辱。有幾個旅客是從納粹恐怖中逃出來的難民。屋裡燈火通明，引得那些飛蛾從敞開著的門外飛進來，牠們被虛假的白天所欺騙。牠們飛來飛去，不大一會兒工夫，不是撞死在牆上，就是在燈泡上燒死。 赫爾曼向四周掃了一眼，看到瑪莎正和一個大個子男人在跳舞，那位男子身穿一件方格子襯衫和一條綠短褲，露在外面的大腿上全是汗毛。他摟著瑪莎的腰，她的手勉強搭到他的肩上。一個服務員吹小號，另一個敲著鼓。第三個吹奏一個自己做的樂器，那個樂器看上去像一把有許多窟窿的壺。 赫爾曼和瑪莎一起離開紐約以來，他幾乎沒有單獨活動的機會。他猶豫再三之後，走出娛樂場，沒有讓瑪莎看到他離開。這天晚上沒有月亮，天氣冷颼颼的。赫爾曼走過一個飼養場。一頭小牛站在牛欄裡。牠帶著不會說話的動物那種困惑不解的神情凝視著黑夜。牠的大眼睛似乎在問：我是誰？我在這兒幹嘛？冷風一陣陣從山裡吹來。流星從空中劃過。遠處的娛樂場越來越小，坐落在下面像一隻螢火蟲。瑪莎雖然對一切採取反抗態度，她仍然保持著她正當的天性。她希望有丈夫、孩子，有一個家。她喜歡音樂，戲劇，愛嘲弄演員的笑柄。但是，赫爾曼的內心有一種無法消除的悲傷。他不是希特勒的受難者。在希特勒統治之前很久，他就一直是受難者。 他走到一間燒得只剩框架的房子前停住了腳。一股刺鼻的焦味、一個個空洞原先是窗戶、燒得漆黑的門洞和黑黑的煙囪，這一切吸引著他，他走了進去。如果確實有鬼，祂們會住在這種被燒毀的房子裡。既然他受不了人，也許鬼是他的天然夥伴。他能留在這堆瓦礫裡度過餘生嗎？他站在燒焦的四壁中間，聞著早就熄滅了的火燒味兒。赫爾曼能聽到黑夜的呼吸聲。他甚至想像它在睡夢中打鼾。寂靜在他耳朵中響著。他在木炭和灰燼上走著。不，他不能待在那些表演啦、笑啦、唱歌啦、跳舞啦中間。從一個空洞原來是窗戶裡，他看到了黑沉沉的天空、一張寫滿了象形文字的草紙。赫爾曼的眼光停在三顆星星上