Chapter 5 five

I remember the debate and the referendum, and I remember the fact that the debate was pretty lackluster because it was proposed by what appeared to be a new party called the Capitalist Democrats, and few people took their proposal seriously at the time. I wasn't interested in politics and I was too young to understand middle age or anything like that.Whenever I come across such issues, whether I see them in the media or hear others raise them, I will sigh boredly, turn to the next page, turn the channel or change the subject.In my opinion, such social issues have nothing to do with me.During the first phase of the debate, I accidentally got pregnant and had an abortion, after all, I was young and still in high school, and I hope that in the future I can travel, go to college, do short-term jobs here and there, paint, write, dance , enjoy life to the fullest.At that time, I couldn't imagine being a mother or entering middle age at all.If I had let myself be anesthetized and had a hysterectomy knowing that I was throwing away the only chance in my life to be a mother, I wouldn't be on this path.If I had known how the future would play out, just a little bit, I would have given birth, at least I wish I had made the decision to have a baby.

Later that issue reappeared in a different guise and packaging, infiltrated the ideology of larger parties, and took shape.The referendum was finally held, and public opinion turned.At that time, I was already considered a mature woman, and I only wanted to develop my career and become a writer.I've done a lot of odd jobs and finally decided to write my debut novel.At that time I began to think less seriously that I might want to have a baby in the near future, but I was living below the poverty line and had no partner or other adult to share the responsibilities and expenses with me, so I always This idea was not realized.When the new law came into effect, I was in my late thirties, a whole person with a developed personality, but unfortunately I tended to develop the spiritual aspects that I focused on in my formative years, rather than being rooted in the real world.

When I was a kid and a teenager, the prevailing thinking in society was that one has to gain life experience and work experience, understand what irritates others, see the world a lot, try different experiences, and finally choose a life that you can enjoy Way to settle down.Enjoyment is important, self-actualization is important, and making a lot of money and buying a lot of things is seen as less important, or even less important.As long as the money you earn is decent, as long as you can live well and manage your life, that’s fine.It is important to be able to stand on one's own two feet financially, socially, psychologically, and emotionally, so that is enough, and the child and family can show up later, or even choose not to.The most important thing is to find yourself, develop your own characteristics, become a whole person, love yourself, respect yourself, and not depend on others.This is especially important for women, and we must never rely on men to support us, make us responsible for raising our children and taking care of our house.At that time, this division of labor between men and women was still visible, and my mother often warned us three sisters about this.From when Ida was three, when I was five, and when Sif was twelve, my mother would call us three sisters and indoctrinate us with feminist ideas.In the first few years, only Sif could understand the meaning of her mother's words.

You have to wait until you are self-reliant before you can have children, mothers will say: don't let men support you, whether financially, intellectually or emotionally, don't fall into the trap! So falling into the trap became my biggest fear.That fear was very specific in the beginning.I carefully observe whether there are any traps around me. I don't like to go into narrow aisles or closed spaces, such as elevators or airplanes. What if a man inside threatens to support me!I don't understand what the so-called offering is all about, but I'm sure it will seriously hurt me, maybe even kill me.When I walk into a store, museum, movie theater, theater, or other large indoor public space, I always want to be near the door. Whenever I walk into an unfamiliar building, the first thing I do is look for emergency exits, fire escapes, and escape routes.

After I grew up and understood what my mother meant by children, men, support and traps, the fear of crowds and narrow spaces disappeared a lot.That fear was no longer so specific, but I was still afraid of falling into a trap, and I was always afraid.In a variety of situations, given a choice, I will choose the option that brings me the greatest freedom, even if that usually means that the option brings me the least monetary reward.For example, I have never had a full-time job with a regular commute, a monthly paycheck, benefits like pension and paid time off.All I do are hourly or part-time jobs, and theoretically I can choose whether to work or not every day.If the situation forced me to sign a contract, no matter what kind of contract, whether it be a lease, a book contract, a purchase contract, I would feel uncomfortable signing it.Whenever I hold the pen in my hand, ready to sign, intending to lock myself into something irrevocable, my heart palpitates and I break out in a cold sweat.

In the back of my head, it's an absolute no-no, I can't even dream about it, I can't be emotionally or financially dependent on anyone, and I can't even have a sneaking desire to develop a symbiotic relationship with someone else.Yet (or perhaps because of that) that life held a powerful fascination for me.I secretly longed for someone to depend on, someone to take care of me, and this idea fascinated me.Yes, I want someone to take care of me and take care of me financially, emotionally and sexually, and that person preferably is a man. Sometimes I try to fulfill this desire through daydreams, fantasies, or sexual relationships.It takes the form of role-playing, with my partner and I playing traditional couples: the husband who is the provider comes home, the wife who is the housewife sets the table for dinner.After dinner, the active male character provides sexual favors to the passive female character.

But like I said, I just managed to live out these fantasies to a certain extent, like I never had a full-time job, and I never had long-term intimate relationships, just casual relationships. The pitfalls my mother talked about and warned us three sisters no longer exist in this day and age.First, the law expressly stipulates that parents must take half of the parental leave before the child is eighteen months old.Second, the law mandates that children aged 16 months to 6 years must be sent to kindergarten for eight hours a day.The family model of a housewife and a male provider is not only obsolete, but eradicated.Children are no longer a drag or a hindrance for anyone, and people no longer become dependent, fall behind the pay scale, or become incapacitated in the workplace because of raising children.There is no reason anymore for people not to have children, and no reason not to work because of having children.