Chapter 22 twelve

I've never thought that sex was possible in a Reserve Bank unit, that anyone wanted to have sex, or could have sex.One reason is anxiety and stress, and the second reason is that the surveillance system makes it impossible to have a private life.But I don't feel a lack of private life.While everything we do is watched at all times, by this stage, I no longer devote so much attention to the monitor.I never really ignored or forgotten about monitors, but monitors have become a part of life and become a very natural thing.This situation may be like in ancient times, when religion played a huge role in daily life, people believed that God was watching them all the time, no matter what they did, said, thought, or felt, God knew clearly Chu, it's futile to hide anything.

So Johannes and I made love, unreservedly, letting go, giving our all.After the saffron fish we made love for the first half of the night and then almost the rest of the night.The next night we made love again, and the next day we made love again, and the next day we made love again.We became a couple, a very loving couple.We made love the old-school way, but without a hint of shyness.He plays the seducer, takes the initiative, is the active side.He can do whatever he wants with me, and I totally accept that and allow myself to be passive.I felt like I was having sex with Nils again, but better and freer.Johannes and I lived in isolation, away from society, so there was nothing to be ashamed of, and no one to make us feel ashamed.

We don't have to part because Johannes has to go home, to his partner, and I am Johannes' partner.We can't live together, it's not allowed in the unit, but we can spend the night together, totally unrestricted, and I'm not another woman, I'm just a woman.I enjoy the relationship and the fact that we can openly walk hand in hand and everyone knows and accepts that we are a couple.We also have mutual friends like Eric, Elsa, Alice, Rena and many others, and we spend quality time together.Sometimes we get to meet up with other couples and go out to eat, which is a new and wonderful experience for me.I was invited to dinner with other couples and became part of the couple, seen as belonging to someone, not always as a backup.

With Nils (as with other exes), everything has to be done in secret.We never met anyone else together, no one in his family or circle of friends knew I existed, and none of my friends knew him.It's not just because he's someone else's partner, but because we're in a forbidden relationship. Nils was arguably breaking the law and could be jailed over and over again on charges of oppressing a woman and using male physical strength inappropriately.When we were together, I would prepare lunch for the two of us in the kitchen, and he would often chop firewood and trim the lawn, fence, and trees for me.He also sometimes changes my car tires, fixes the leaky roof, installs new roof drains, and mends cracks in the house.To say thank you, I'll change into sexy clothes, cook delicious food, and put a sumptuous meal on the table.

It was a very special feeling: wearing aprons around clothes, hiding silk underwear, cooking food in the kitchen for myself and my big lover.And my burly lover stood outside in the cold wind, swinging a hickory-handled ax, splitting log after log, looking as easy as if the logs were made of wax, and chopping wood at a speed that I admired.What Niels chops in an hour takes me two, and it usually takes him just enough time to change my summer or winter tires for me to loosen the tire nuts.It's certainly satisfying that I don't have to do these menial jobs that get me dirty, sweaty, dirty, stained and sore on my arms, shoulders, back and still get the job done .But that's not the only thing that satisfies me.When Nils is done with the rough work, I get him a clean towel, tell him to shower and change into clean clothes (he always brings them from home in his briefcase), and I cook the dishes Serve.When I hear Niels turn on the shower head, the water rushes down, and I sing in the shower, sometimes I stop what I'm doing and taste, sip, and hold the whole situation in my mouth.In this moment, I felt very alive, connected to Nils, as if we belonged to each other and needed each other.

Of course, this includes sex as well.As I stood busy cooking in the kitchen with an apron tied around my waist, my sexual desire was simmering inside me at the same time.Like a submissive little housewife, I listened outside to the crackling of wood, the constant hum of the lawnmower, the click of the hedge shears, the hammering of the hammer, the churning of the cement mixer.I took care of the food like a housewife, bubbling endlessly with anticipation, not to mention the satisfaction of seeing Nils chow down after work later. .Yes, this whole process is erotic.It's sex, it's part of foreplay.And that's a way of life, or maybe a way of life.If we were normal partners, we would probably live our lives according to this division of roles.We may not display this side publicly in public, but we follow this pattern when we are alone.When we're alone, we follow our feelings and our bodies to decide what we want to do, not what's in our head.

I think it's beautiful for men to be open about their physical strength without feeling shy or apologetic.I also think it's beautiful when a woman is brave enough to be physically vulnerable, to be assisted with menial tasks.I believe there is a kind of courage in it, and this kind of courage is beautiful.If I could choose between mind and body, I would choose body.If I could choose between my head and my heart, I would choose my heart.With Johannes, I can make that choice without forcing myself to hide it.