Chapter 17 4 She drank Salty Dog and talked about the sound of the waves

Someone asked me to bring a letter.I said. for me?she says. The phone sounded so far away, and it was jumpy, so I had to speak louder, so some of the subtle meanings in each other's words were lost.It's like standing on a high hill with a strong wind blowing, turning up the collar of your coat while talking. It was originally sent to me, but I always feel that it is actually going to be sent to you. Do you think so? yes.I said.After saying that, I felt like I was doing something very stupid. She was silent for a while.At that point the jumper stopped. I don't know what happened between you and the mouse.But he asked me to meet you, so I made this call.And I think it would be better for you to read this letter.

Did you come here from Tokyo just for this? Yes. She coughed dryly and said sorry.Because we are friends? I think so. Why not write to me directly? Indeed, what she said was more reasonable. have no idea.I'm frank. I don't understand either.Aren't many things already over?Isn't it over yet? I don't know either.I said: I don't know.I was lying on the hotel bed, holding the receiver and staring at the ceiling. It felt like I was lying on the bottom of the sea, counting the shadows of fish.Can't imagine how many times it takes to count. That person disappeared five years ago, and I was twenty-seven years old.Although the voice was very calm, it sounded like a voice coming from the bottom of a well.But after five years, many things will completely change.

yes.I said. Even if nothing has changed, don't think that way.Don't want to think that way.If you think like that, you won't be able to go anywhere.So I made myself feel like everything had changed. I seem to understand.I said. We were silent with each other for a while.It was she who spoke first. When was the last time you saw him? Five years ago in the spring, shortly before he disappeared. Did he tell you anything?That is the reason to leave home No.I said. You disappeared without saying a word, huh? Yes. How did you feel then? Are you talking about disappearing without saying anything to him?

right. I sat up in bed and leaned against the wall.this.I think he must have gotten tired of it in half a year or so and come back.Because I used to think he was not the type that could last. But did not come back. yes. She hesitated for a while on the phone.The sound of her quiet breathing continued in her ears. where do you live nowshe asked. Restaurant. I will go to the coffee shop of the hotel at five o'clock tomorrow, right on the eighth floor.is this okay? knew.I said.I wear a white sports shirt and green cotton trousers.short hair It's ok I think I recognize it.She interrupted me calmly.Then hang up the phone.

After I put the receiver down, I tried to figure out what she meant by recognizable.don't know.There are so many things I don't understand.I think the so-called saying that you will become smarter when you get older must be unreliable.Personality may change to some extent, but the matter of mediocrity will never change.A certain Russian writer wrote so.Russians often say some really smart things.Maybe it's the relationship of thinking in winter. I took a shower, washed my rain-drenched hair, wrapped a towel around my waist, and watched an American movie about an old submarine on TV.The captain and the deputy captain hate each other, and the submarine is an old product, and some people have a phobia of secret rooms. Such a tragic plot, but in the end everything went well.If everything goes smoothly like this, then the war is not bad, it is such a movie.In the future, there may be a movie in which all human beings are killed in a nuclear war, but in the end, everything goes smoothly.

I turned off the TV switch, got into bed, and fell asleep in ten seconds. ◇ The drizzle continued until five o'clock the next day.After four or five days of dry and sunny days in early summer, when people thought that the rainy season was probably over, it suddenly rained again.Looking out from the window on the eighth floor, the ground is black and wet everywhere.The expressway behind the elevated highway is jammed for several kilometers from west to east.When I kept looking at it, everything seemed to be gradually melting into the rain.In fact, everything in the city is melting.The jetties of the harbor are melting; the cranes are melting; the rows of buildings are melting; the people under the black umbrellas are melting.The green side of the mountain is melting, and the other side is silently flowing into the mountainside.However, as long as the eyes are closed for a few seconds and then opened again, the street returns to its original appearance.Six cranes towered toward the gray rainy sky, the train train moved eastward occasionally as if thinking of it, umbrellas crossed the walkway, and the greenery of the mountain absorbed the June rain contentedly.

In the lower part of the center of the large cafe, there is a grand piano painted navy blue.Girls in flashy pink dresses are performing a typical hotel-café-style performance overwhelmed by rushing chords and cuts.Although it played well, after the last note of the piece was sucked into the air, nothing remained. It was past five and she hadn't shown up, so I had nothing to do and was sipping my second cup of coffee and staring dreamily at the girl playing the piano.She is about twenty years old, with shawl-length and rather thick hair, combed neatly like whipped cream on a cake, with the undulating rhythm of the rhythm, the hair is also comfortable to the left and right. Back to the center.Then start the next song.

Her look reminds me of a girl I once knew.When I was in the third grade of elementary school, I was still learning the piano.Because she and I belong to the same level of age and skill, we have played together a few times.I have completely forgotten her name and face.All I remember about her is her slender, white fingers, her beautiful hair, and her puffy dress.Can't think of anything else. When I think of this, I feel very strange.It's as if I took off her fingers and her hair and her dress and kept them, and the rest lives on somewhere.But of course not.The world is going on without me.People were crossing the road independently of me, sharpening pencils, moving from west to east at a speed of 50 meters a minute, and the skilled return to zero music was filling the cafe.

The word world always reminds me of elephants and tortoises desperately supporting huge round plates on their backs.The elephant cannot understand the task of the tortoise, and the tortoise cannot understand the task of the elephant.So they can't understand the so-called world. I'm sorry for being late.There is a woman's voice behind me.The work dragged on, and there was really no way to get out. It doesn't matter.Anyway, it's been fine all day today. She put the key to the umbrella stand on the table and ordered orange juice without looking at the menu. Her age was not apparent at first glance.If I hadn't heard her mention her age on the phone, I think I would never have known.

But since she said she was thirty-three years old, she was thirty-three years old. If you think about it that way, she does look thirty-three years old.If she were supposed to say twenty-seven, she must have looked twenty-seven. Her preference for clothing is crisp and comfortable.She wore baggy white cotton trousers, an orange and yellow plaid shirt with sleeves folded up to the elbows, and a purse dangling from her shoulders.None of the pieces are new, but they are all in good order.No rings, necklaces, bracelets, earrings, etc. were worn on the body.The short front hair flows naturally to the sides.

The small wrinkles around the eyes seem to be more related to birth than age.Only the slender fair neck visible from the collar of the two-buttoned shirt and the back of the hand resting on the table gave a subtle hint of her age.People grow old from tiny, really tiny places.And like an indelible stain, it gradually covered the whole body bit by bit. What kind of job are you talking about?I try to ask. Design office.Been doing it for a long time. I can't continue talking.I slowly took out the cigarette and lit it slowly.The girl closed the piano cover and stood up.I don't know where to retreat to rest.I feel a little envious of her. How long have you known him?she asked. It's been eleven years.and you? Two months and ten days.She answered impromptu.From the first time I met him until he disappeared.Two months and ten days.I still remember because I kept a diary. Orange juice arrived and my empty coffee cup was put away. I waited for three months since he disappeared.December, January, February.That's the coldest time.Was it very cold that winter? Can not remember.I said.She talked about the cold winter five years ago, and it sounded like it was yesterday. Have you ever waited on a girl like this? No.I said. After concentrating on waiting for a certain limited time, after that, you can do whatever you want.Whether it's five years, ten years, or one month, it's all the same. I nod. She drank half of the orange juice. It was like that when we first got married.I was always on the sidelines of waiting, and then I got tired of waiting, and it turned out to be alright no matter what.Married at twenty-one, divorced at twenty-two, and then came to this place. Same as my wife. What's the same? Married at twenty-one, divorced at twenty-two. She looked at my face for a while.Then use the glass rod to stir the orange juice in circles.I feel like I've said more than I should have said. Marrying young and then divorcing right away is hard work.she says.Simply put, it seems to be pursuing something very flat and surreal.But the so-called surreal things don't last very long, do they? Maybe. Five years from the divorce to meeting him.I am alone in this place, living an unreal life with everything around me.I hardly know anyone, I don’t want to go out to play, and I don’t have a boyfriend. I get up in the morning and go to the company, draw pictures, go to the supermarket after get off work to buy something, and go home to eat alone.Listen to FM all day long, read books, write diaries, and wash socks in the bathroom.Because the apartment is by the sea, I can hear the sound of the waves all the time. It's such a cold life. She drank the rest of the orange juice. It's like talking about boring things. I silently shook my head. After six o'clock, the cafe entered cocktail hour, the ceiling lighting dimmed and the street lights began to come on.There were also red lights on the front of the crane.In the faint twilight, the rain continued to fall like thin needles. Would you like some wine?I try to ask her. What is vodka and grapefruit juice called? Salty Dog. I called the waiter and ordered Salty Dog and Cutty Sark whiskey on the rocks. Did we just talk about there? Talk about living in the cold. But really, it's not that cold.she says. Just the sound of the waves, a bit chilly.Although when I first rented the house, the administrator said that I would get used to it soon, but I didn't. There is no sea anymore. She smiled calmly.The wrinkles around the eyes moved only slightly.yes.As you said, there is no sea anymore.However, it often still feels as if you can hear the sound of the waves.Probably the voice has been seared in my ears for a long time. And the rats are there, right? Yes.But I don't call him that. what do you call him. Call the name.Don't everyone call it that? That's exactly what she said.Calling a mouse is too childish even as a nickname.That's right.I said. Drinks arrived.After she took a sip of the salty dog, she wiped the salt off her lips with a paper napkin.There was a bit of lipstick on the paper napkin.She carefully folded the lipstick-stained paper napkin with two fingers. How can he say this person is very unrealistic.Do you understand what I mean? I think I understand. In order to break my unreality, I felt the need to invoke his own unreality.That's how I felt when we first met.So I like him.Maybe it's because I like it later.It's the same no matter what. The girls came back after a break and started playing movie music.Sounds like the wrong background music for the wrong scene. I sometimes think so.As a result, did I take advantage of him?And did he feel that way from the beginning?What do you think? I have no idea.I said.Because this is between you and him. She said nothing. After about twenty seconds of silence, I realized she had finished speaking.After I drank the last sip of whiskey, I took the mouse's letter from my pocket and placed it in the middle of the table.The two letters were left on the table for the time being. Do I have to watch it here? Please take it home and watch it.Throw it away if you don't want to see it. She nodded and put the letter into her purse.There was a refreshing metallic sound.I lit a second cigarette.Ordered a second whiskey.The second whiskey is my favorite.Drink the first whiskey to relax the mind, the second whiskey to normalize the mind, and after the third, it is tasteless and just flows into the stomach. Did you come from Tokyo just for this? Almost yes. Too much trouble. I never thought about it that way.It's just a habit.If the positions were reversed, I think he would do the same for me. Did you ask him to do it? I shake my head.But we've been giving each other unrealistic problems for a long time.As for whether to deal with it realistically, that is another question. I don't think anyone has thought about it this way? Maybe. She stood up after a slight smile and picked up the bill.I will pay the bill.Because I was late forty minutes. If you think this is better, so be it.I said.Also can I ask another question? Yes, please tell me. You said on the phone that you can guess what I look like? Yes, I mean it can be guessed by the atmosphere. So, do you really know it at a glance? You know it at a glance.she says. ◇ The rain continued with exactly the same intensity.The neon lights of the neighboring buildings could be seen from the hotel windows.In the artificial green light, countless lines of rain fell to the ground.When I stood by the window and looked down, it seemed that the rain was falling to a point on the ground. After laying in bed and smoking two cigarettes, I called the counter and made an appointment for the next morning's train.There is nothing I should do in this city anymore. Only the rain continued until midnight.