Chapter 21 twenty

For three days in a row, I was prostrate in the mourning hall.Looking at the mourners, they knelt down and saluted like puppets.On the expressionless face, I realized that human beings are simply a poor animal under the ritual of etiquette.However, some people say that the order of society is maintained by this spirit. In a sad and indifferent mood, I was even more anxious to meet Alan.Really, this kind of atmosphere, this kind of environment makes people feel too lonely and sad.I need warmth, I need fun, I hope to find these from Sister Alan.Although, it occurred to me that seeing her might give me a greater thrill, a greater pain.But stimulation and pain, after all, are much better than people living in the grave!

Sometimes, in the dead of night, I secretly consulted with my sister and asked her to try to make an appointment with Sister Alan, but she shook her head coldly at me like an adult. After countless red tapes, it was finally time to break the ground for burial.On that day, on the ancient road leading to our ancestral tomb, there was a long queue of people, and even people from the town came to watch the excitement.The monotonous and noisy band played sad and moving tones, accompanied by the false weeping of relatives.The sadness and exhaustion of the past few days, I seem to be numb.It wasn't until people put the grandmother's coffin in a deep grave and built a round grave on it; I didn't feel the distance between life and death, it turned out to be so cruel!

After the funeral, relatives and friends all scattered away.The uncles and aunts also wiped away their tears and went back silently. I asked my mother to allow me to stay in the cypress forest for a while; , took the younger siblings back first. The field was very quiet, and the afterglow of the setting sun shone in the cypress forest, making it even more gloomy.I found a masson pine that I planted by hand when I was young, and it has grown up now.The handwriting engraved on the bark was blurred.I think of life, a person comes into this world without a sound, and leaves this world without a sound.A few times the setting sun, once the loess is broken, who will pay homage to these dead bones after thousands of years!I can't help sitting sadly on the grave of my grandmother, facing the endless green sea of ​​clouds in the evening sky.Like an old monk in meditation, contemplating this eternal unexplainable mystery.

The dead are dead, and the living are miserable!In my deep thinking, suddenly behind me, these two small voices sounded.Turning around in panic, it turned out to be a slender girl holding a bouquet of wild flowers in her arms, standing behind me in a daze. It's you?Sister Alan!I rubbed my eyes and jumped up, twisting her arm tightly. do not do that!She gently moved me away. How did you get here?For a moment, I was speechless in amazement. Um!I will also pay homage to her old man!She said, placing flowers on her grandmother's grave.I was silent for a while facing the stele, and then calmly said to me: Brother Jianbai!Didn't expect to meet you here!

I haven't seen Sister Alan for several years, judging from her attitude; as my sister said, it is quite different from before.The appearance has also changed greatly since childhood.Although she has returned to the simple dress of a village girl now, wearing a blue cheongsam, with a white jasmine flower inserted obliquely on her temples, there is no trace of makeup on her face.However, there was a heroic spirit revealed from the brows; this spirit was tempered from the wind and dust; in front of her, I seemed weak and insignificant. Sister Alan!I nodded and watched her.I just feel that there is no way to say a thousand words.

look at you!She smiled and said: "It's so big, it's still the same!" Yes!I'm still the same as before.It's just that you and I think of what my sister told me, and look at her generous demeanor, and I don't feel sore in my heart. I!Sister Alan's eyes turned red, she avoided my sight, and said in a low voice: "What about me?" you've changed!I broke a vine and looked at her sadly. She inadvertently took a look at her clothes: Is it different from when she was a child? No!Not those!I summoned up the courage to say indignantly: "Those things haven't changed, what has changed the most is your heart!"

How do you know?Sister Alan raised her head and looked at me in surprise. My sister told me all? She didn't tell you, why should I do this? I was stunned for a moment, and felt that Sister Alan's attitude was thought-provoking.However, I thought that no matter how she explained, she could not escape such a living fact.What's more, she is not an ignorant child like she used to be, who can be manipulated by the family and society at will.Suddenly, I felt that Sister Alan seemed to have acquired the habit of philistine sophistry, and wanted to lightly shift the responsibility to others.So, I said even more angrily:

Sister Alan!Please don't come to perfuse me. You don't understand me like that? good!It's the same as you don't know me. Then you should know yourself too! Of course, by now, I have understood that I am such a smart fool! clever?Fool? Yes!I think it's pretty smart to endure how much emotional pain you've endured over the years.I think a person can love someone with all his heart, unwaveringly, without integrity in a harsh environment; for the sake of lifelong happiness, it is nothing to suffer a little bit.However, until today, I didn't know that I was treated as an object of teasing in love occasions, and this is an out-and-out fool.

No!Brother Jianbai!You can't say that.Sister Alan suddenly rushed to my side, shook my shoulder excitedly, and forbade me to continue speaking. Why don't you let me tell?I took advantage of the momentum and grabbed her hand, sat on the grass, and looked at her with grief and indignation: Sister Alan!Have you forgotten the scene when we were young? Remember!She glanced at me and nodded. In this wood, on this meadow. good!We always run over here when you come home from school! You carry the lantern, and I hold the tin box to catch crickets in these bushes. right!Sometimes we have a few kids playing hide and seek here!

I remember one day we were playing the bride game here. Um!Sister Alan suddenly had a terrible convulsion on her face.She said loudly: Brother Jianbai!That's child's play, stop bringing it up! Why?I felt my eyes moisten, and shouted loudly: Sister Zhu!Why can't it be said?We all grow up as children, and the children are still alone with us. one person!Sister Alan pondered for a while, took out a handkerchief to wipe away her tears, and sighed choked up: Good!you say!go on! I will never forget it in my life.On that day, we played the role of bride and groom, holding each other tightly under the moonlight

Yes!That's the game where we weaving girls marry cowherds in the countryside!Sister Alan looked up at the sky.It was dusk, she pointed to the stars in the sky, and suddenly covered her eyes sadly. At that time, we all felt that what happened to Cowherd and Weaver Girl was too cruel. After the children left, we both swore to Double Star that we would never leave each other in this life! However, sister Alan suddenly started to sob, took out a handkerchief to wipe away her tears, and said in a trembling voice: But, we left soon. Yes!The pressure of the old society separated us, and five or six years passed at once.However, we cannot forget all of these because of the long years. I haven't forgotten at all!Sister Alan stood up and said to me: Brother Jianbai!In front of your dead grandmother, I can solemnly say to you that I have not forgotten at all. But your current plan is completely different from our previous thoughts. That's for you! for me?I looked at her in astonishment. Also, for another girl. Another girl? Um!She stared at me with piercing eyes. I thought about it silently for a while, then said sadly: You mean Qiumen? Of course, for the happiness of the two of you, I can only do this. At this point, sister Alan couldn't help but threw herself into my arms, hugged me tightly, and burst into tears: I should do this, I have experienced countless times Only after consideration did he make up his mind. But why do you want to marry Li Zhizhong who has no relationship with you? After all, country people are more honest than city people, not to mention that I was sorry for him in the past.She lowered her head and sat down calmly. So why don't you write and tell me? No!She sighed deeply: I don't want to let you have a taste of pain. Did you think I'd know after all? At that time, Qiumen will love you wholeheartedly. Will I do the same to her? why not? Do you think this will solve our suffering? Rather than procrastinating, it would be better to make a clean break. Can love be cut off? Let time and space dilute these! This is a nonsense that people who play with love often say; I shook my head and said to her seriously: "Sister Alan, if you admit that our past relationship was also a set of jokes in society, then I have nothing to say." can be said. Of course, no matter how the environment changes, past, present, and future, I will never change emotionally, you should believe this. So why are you escaping reality like this?I got back to the point. I thought that evasion could ease the conflict of reality. No!I held her hand tightly and said to her excitedly: Sister Alan, you are wrong. The love between people cannot be escaped. It is a kind of responsibility, and we should bravely shoulder it. . Alan pondered for a while, then looked at me bewilderedly: If Qiuming told you the same thing, how should you treat her? That's very simple, I can use the most gentle and sincere words to express it clearly to her. Is it that simple?I don't believe that you have not had a deep love in the past few years together? It should be said that the deep friendship is right, not bad!I love her too, like my own sister! But she treats you differently, how sad do you think she is? She should have thought that it was of no use to win a husband without love.In married life, who wants to use their love to warm a cold stone! Do you think she would like to do this? I thought, I thought about it painfully for a while, Sister Alan!She should calculate the pain ratio of one person and three people! In any case, in a male-centered society, can a girl withstand such a blow? It is inappropriate to apply this sentence to Qiumen!I bit my lip.After hesitating for a while, I said firmly to her: I have gotten to know her deeply in the past three years, and I believe she is much more sensible than me. Even so, Qiumen can forgive our difficulties, but do you think about our family, can we allow us to proceed in this way? Are you thinking about your current marital problems? No!She shook her head: You don't have to worry about my affairs, you should think about yourself first. I!I smiled wryly: Do you think I am still a child five or six years ago? But your family is still the same as before. Thinking of the family, I said angrily: The family does not have the power to decide our destiny! Then, your sister Alan looked at me nervously. Yes!We can ignore it, leave it, and go to our free world! Sacrifice your studies? For true love, even life can be counted.I patted my chest, clenched my fist, punched the sky, and yelled through gritted teeth: Sister Alan, as long as we can fight desperately, no one can stop us. nobody?Sister Alan sighed, suddenly pointed to the distance and said: "Look, isn't there someone coming over there?" I raised my head in shock, and in the twilight, I saw the figure of my sister in the distance.There was a person following behind, running towards the place where we were talking. good!Let's talk about it later!I don't want them to see it.Sister Alan waved to me, then tiptoed around the cypress forest and hurried away.