Chapter 59 fifty eight

The small family of Ziyun and his wife lived in a deep alley near the municipal hospital.One living room, one room, and a small courtyard are elegantly and refreshingly arranged; there is also a worker's room as their nursery.A gray-haired and hale and hearty old lady helps them cook, do laundry and take care of their children. In order to dilute my impatience, Yang Ziyun sent his fat and white child to my arms as soon as he entered the door.Xu Xu talked to me about their living conditions. It turned out that the Ou family bought this house when they were doing business before the war. Later, because of the large population and the business gradually developed, Mr. Ou built a gorgeous villa in the suburbs. ; These small rooms are only used as resting places when entering the city.One year before the Anti-Japanese War, the Ou family moved from Changsha to Peiping, and these houses were vacant. Instead, it was necessary to invite a few lonely distant relatives to guard the house.

When Ziyun and his wife moved from Hankou to Changsha, Mr. Ou originally asked them to live in a villa in the country.But for the convenience of Xiao Yudian's delivery, it is close to the hospital, so I stayed here all the time. From the house and their daily life, I learned that all their daily expenses are provided by Mr. Ou.Xiaoyudian also told me that Mr. Ou might come to Changsha within a few days. For these gossips, at first, I can barely perfunctory.However, they seemed to have forgotten my anxiety, and they continued to chatter endlessly. After finally waiting for their conversation to come to an end, I was about to ask them for Alan's diary.At this moment, Yang Ziyun carried his son into the bedroom; Xiao Yudian also changed into a white apron and was about to go to the kitchen.I immediately realized their delayed plan, and hurriedly stopped Xiao Yudian and said: Please give me Alan's diary first!

Let's watch after dinner, okay?Putting on the air of a housewife, she glared at Yang Ziyun: You should show the guests around our room first! Thank you!With a sighing tone, I hurriedly said: For the sake of my old classmates, give it to me quickly! Don't worry!Yang Ziyun pulled me to sit on the sofa again.He took out a roll of mail from the bookshelf, flipped through it for a while, picked out a few, and said to me in a panic: Xu!Unexpectedly, Alan is such a great woman, no wonder you have been unable to forget her in recent years, but Without waiting for him to finish speaking, I hurriedly snatched the roll of mail over.This is an ordinary loose-leaf diary, with a clean white cover on it, and a line of crooked cursive script on the cover is dedicated to my childhood partner.

The handwriting inside is very beautiful.However, each one is incomplete.Some places are also painted with deep ink, which looks like the original manuscript of each paper. I rubbed my eyes and read line by line. I heard the fierce gunfire ahead again. I don't know how many strong men fell on the enemy's guns, and I don't know how many people are praying for their safety in fear.Whoever has no parents, brothers, or wife, even if he is a helpless bachelor, still has friends who worry about them!I remember reading an essay on ancient battlefields in the village school when I was a child, and now I am really on the scene.

The dean gave us a lecture this morning, telling us that the front is fighting very well, and it seems that the battle is stable.Let it be so; let the whole calamity befall this unhappy place!Do not go to the south, I hope Jianbai will live a peaceful life on that beautiful island forever. There are more and more wounded soldiers in the hospital, and even the tents on the playground are full of sleepers.What a miserable world this is. All you see are bloody corpses, and all you hear are groans and howls.How miserable!The young officer last night called his lover's name when he was dying.

The work became more and more onerous, and the patient's temper grew worse.Huiying was slapped in the face by the wounded soldier today, and she was persuaded with great difficulty.I think that one day I will encounter such unlucky things. In the afternoon, I wrote a letter home to a wounded soldier who had broken his hand.While he was talking, I was writing, but he couldn't tell me the address to send the letter to.It turned out that all his family members were dead long ago, only his fiancée worked in the factory, and he didn't know whether he was dead or alive.In the end, he cried and I cried too.People are not grass and trees, who can be ruthless, how can I forget home, mother, sister, and him

How can I never forget him!Really anxious to death.As soon as I closed my eyes, I saw him standing in front of me; for a while he looked like a child of twelve or thirteen years old, and for a while he was a young man in uniform.He and I still sat on the lawn, he counted the stars, and I sang folk songs.ah!How nostalgic this life is, it's a pity that it's just a dream. I dreamed of him again last night, he has grown so tall, walking by the small river in the village.There were two young girls standing beside him, one was his younger sister, and the other seemed to be his cousin Qiuming.Qiuming picked a wild flower and put it on the skirt of his clothes. He held his arm all the way, talking and laughing, really happy.

Why am I so stingy!Didn't I persuade him to love Qiumen?Didn't you persuade Qiuming to go find him?Why do I feel jealous and envious, regret and hate when I see such a scene, alas!woman!A woman is a woman. I didn't have any self-cultivation at all. I picked up a stone from the ground and threw it at them viciously.This shocked them, and I was really ashamed and indignant.Turning around and trying to run, I heard urgent footsteps, and they all shouted: Sister Alan!Sister Alan! When I opened my eyes, it turned out that it was Huiying and the dean standing in front of my bed.It was already dawn, and the director asked me to prepare to check the plasma in the blood bank. He said that a large number of wounded soldiers would be sent to our hospital later.

After washing up, all of us are waiting for this urgent task, but there is no news for a long time.Taking advantage of my free time, I wrote down the scenes I encountered in my dreams, and it would be very interesting to keep them for old reading.It's so strange, how can I be so rational during the day, but so confused in my dream, which one is real?Is this the performance of dual personality in abnormal psychology? In broad daylight, do people also dream?And it was such a terrifying nightmare. At noon yesterday, among dozens of stretchers, I suddenly found a familiar face.I really didn't expect it to be Jianbai. I was so frightened that I almost fainted.

No symbols, no armbands.If I hadn't found a student ID card in my pocket, I wouldn't have believed that he was my childhood partner. God!How did he get here?When did he join the army?It's unimaginable.I really wanted to talk to him, but I listened hoarsely for a long time, but there was no echo at all.Poor Jianbai looked like a bloody man, with bullet holes in his abdomen and muddy water in his hair. If it wasn't for the faint beating in his chest, he would be a horrible zombie. Those cruel medical staff with irresponsible attitudes are almost cruel executioners.Instead of finding a solution immediately, they called on the workers to put him in a coffin.In such a situation, I could no longer take into account my usual demeanor, so I picked up a wooden stick and beat those villains who were about to attack without thinking.

This was the first time in my life that I hit someone with my hands. Huiying saw my abnormal expression and asked me if I was the Mr. Xu she usually talked about. I nodded and trembled with anger. After all, Huiying is more capable than me. She first reprimanded those scoundrels, and then dragged me to find Dr. Wang.Dr. Wang was very enthusiastic. He said that he lost too much blood and the injury was dangerous. He asked me to go to the blood bank to have a look.God!The blood plasma in the blood bank is already pitifully low, and there are so many wounded patients waiting for blood transfusion, I can't do my best for my lover! In conflicted moods, I had no choice but to ask for my own blood to revive him, but Dr. Wang said that my body was a little anemic, and he refused to let me have blood transfusions to save others; , he agreed to draw 300 CC. After the blood transfusion, I felt dizzy for a while, and wanted to follow to the operating room; Huiying forced me to go back to my room to rest, and she took care of everything.I asked her to tell Dr. Wang not to tell him my name when he wakes up, so as not to irritate him again; when he is better, I will handle this matter by myself.Huiying nodded and left, and then the director also came to see me, sent me a lot of supplements, and told me that Jianbai had woken up and was undergoing surgery to remove the bullet in his abdomen, and everything was in good condition. Oh God!Merciful Lord, please save his life!Otherwise, let me go instead of him!Oh God. Thank God, he is back in this world, no!Come back to me. Huiying told me that the operation went well.The dean has already sent him to a special ward because of me, and asked me if I want to take a look.Strange, but now I am afraid to meet him.Huiying smiled at me?Make a face and run away. At night, Huiying took me to his ward, just as he was already fast asleep, and the moonlight shone on his pale face, making him look particularly scary.I saw tears still streaming from the corners of his eyes; poor boy!If his mother sees it, how sad it will be! Huiying was afraid that I would be sad, so she hurriedly dragged me back to the room. I begged Huiying to take good care of him, and I will come back to talk with him tomorrow. The moonlight tonight is beautiful, and the double stars on the side of the Milky Way are even brighter. I have never had such excitement in the past few years. I got up at six o'clock in the morning, and after finishing my work, I borrowed some cosmetics from the dean's wife to dress up.Huiying made fun of me: changing into a red dress is like a newlywed, hum!This little devil!It was only on her own that she thought about it all day long! I was going to see him, but Dr. Wang came to me suddenly, and I thought he was joking with me; but he told me seriously; after careful diagnosis, he found that Xu's brain nerves were very problematic, and he seemed to have suffered a lot. stimulation.Now that he needs a quiet rest, it is best not to make him emotional again. I agreed to Dr. Wang's request and went back to my room to discuss with Huiying; I asked her to switch jobs with me, and I went to take care of him at night.Huiying and I talked about the situation in the past few days. She said that Jianbai was always pestering her and asking her, who was the person who gave him blood transfusions?It's funny to be suspicious.She laughed, and I laughed too, and I felt tears streaming down my face. These days are really interesting, I live a life of hide and seek with him.In the night, I sat quietly beside him.Sometimes, I boldly lean against him, stroke his face, his hair; his chest.I get comfort and happiness that I never had in my life.Occasionally, when I heard him calling Qiumen and my name in my dream, I couldn't help feeling sad again. Thinking of Qiumen really made me feel conflicted.This poor girl, now I don't know where she has gone!Maybe she has already married someone!Merciful Lord!Find her a happy home too! Get up in the morning, go to the garden to pick a bouquet of flowers, ready to put in his ward.Dr. Wang told me that I should be careful these few days, his wound is inflamed and his injury may worsen.Immediately I was frightened; because of many serious injuries, I was most worried about this dangerous moment. After breakfast, Huiying sent someone to tell me that he really had a high fever and was unconscious, and asked me to take care of him.As soon as I entered the ward, I was shocked. His face was hot and red, and he put the thermometer in his mouth. It was 108 degrees, my God!This is really dangerous. In the afternoon, Dr. Wang asked me to feed him some rice juice. I put the rubber tube in his mouth, but he didn't even know how to suck it.I fed him with a silver spoon, and more than half of it flowed out.I was so anxious that I finally figured out a way to feed him with my mouth. Fortunately, no one saw it, otherwise, I would be so ashamed! I haven't written a diary for several days. Because of his illness, it can be said that I am physically and mentally exhausted, and I can't write any more even if I pick up a pen. Human emotions are really strange things; love itself has incomparable power hidden in it.Usually, when I am a little tired, I feel lack of energy. In the past few days and nights, I haven't even closed my eyes, but I don't feel tired at all.Kissing his forehead when there is no one in the middle of the night, I think it is more precious than any medal of honor! Huiying often advises me to pay attention to my health.Whatever it is, I have gained such great spiritual strength that I can resist any disease. Today Xu's fever has dropped a lot, but his mind is still muddled, and he doesn't even know me; he dragged my sister and sister to cry and shout, calling him Ye Nan Ye Nan, who is Ye Nan?I seem to know the name too, but I can't remember it. This comedy scene was finally broken by him. At the time, I really didn't know what to say to him.After a few years of separation, he is still so naive, infatuated, and stupid. I wanted to calm down, but Our emotions are like a candle that has just been extinguished, and it will be lit immediately with a match.God!The atrium that has been dark and gloomy for so many years has only really gained a little light today. Now it's just the two of us!How sadly he spoke.Yes, thanks to this era, now we are not bound by family, nor hindered by society.Moreover, the relationship between him and Qiumen has virtually come to an end. However, I also need to be aware of my surroundings.Although the colleagues in the hospital all know that he and I are young lovers.However, we should always make a clear distinction;Like last night, I hugged him and slept until dawn. Fortunately, Huiying woke me up. If my male colleague saw me, I would have jumped into the Yellow River and couldn't wash myself away! I have to be very careful in the future, and I should always be alert to myself. When I saw him today, I blushed unknowingly.How embarrassing that my barrette fell by his pillow! Huiying is very sensible, as soon as she saw me coming in, she slipped away quietly.Seeing me, Jianbai also looked forward to Ai Ai and was speechless. When I talked about the past, he couldn't help crying. A boy with such a stubborn personality can't control his emotions. The colleagues in the hospital are really annoying, they bow their hands and congratulate me when they see me; even an old man like the dean winks behind my back.They also told me.Wait a day or two for everyone to have a dinner together to celebrate me, okay!Celebrate and celebrate, don't I have anything to be afraid of now! I gave Xu an injection in the morning, and I saw his frown and frown, pitiful and funny.The man is really weird, he is such an inexplicable animal, he is not afraid of going to the battlefield with real swords and guns, but when he sees such a small needle, he trembles with fright! He ate very well for breakfast. The dean's wife made a chicken and brought it to him. He ate half of it, and I asked Huiying to eat the rest.Just as I was about to move the chopsticks, I suddenly remembered the undernourished squad leader in Ward No. 18, and I quickly asked Huiying to send half of it. After eating, I found that Xu's hair was too long, dirty and messy.Huiying wants to find the barber, but I'm afraid the barber's hands and feet are too rough to clean.Go back to the room and get a pair of scissors, comb and cut for him.Huiying said that my skills are good, as if I have been trained in haircutting; in the future, if I don't become a nurse, I can also open a beauty salon.Xu said he knew how to keep accounts, and the custodial business was booming.Everyone talked and laughed, which was quite interesting.Indeed!As long as you stay with the person you love for the rest of your life, being a poor and lowly couple is also a joy in life. In the afternoon, I felt weakness in limbs, dizziness, slight chest pain, and coughing from time to time, probably due to overwork in the past few days.I asked Dr. Wang for some medicine, and I got better.From now on, I have to pay attention to my body; for him, I also want to live a happier life. In the Sunday service in the morning, the pastor prayed for the health of the wounded and sick soldiers.I especially pray amen for solid health. After the party, the dean told me to have dinner in the afternoon to celebrate our reunion.Also invite Xu to participate and ask someone to prepare a push chair. My colleagues are so kind to me, and Huiying runs around, which is even more touching.I also felt infinitely excited. I picked out a red cheongsam and a pair of high-heeled shoes from the box, and the dean's wife sent a pair of stockings.Applying makeup and powder, and smiling in the mirror, the charm of the past is still the same, but the waist is a little too thin. The dinner party was quite lively, and some people joked with me that I would soon become a war bride; I made them blush, but I was really happy in my heart. Because I was busy entertaining colleagues, I didn't have time to talk to Jianbai.Fortunately, Huiying told me that his face was ugly and sent him back to the room early, probably because his wounds had not healed, so I regretted unnecessary actions. Chatting with Huiying at night, in order to avoid embarrassment, I asked her to be on duty for me at night; so as not to be a laughing stock; I will also have a good rest for a few days. How time flies?Calculating with one's fingers, Jianbai has been here for nearly a month.In the morning, the dean told me that according to the rules of the hospital, he should be transferred to the rear hospital.But for my sake, I had to break the convention.This kind old man is really the best man in the world. For the sake of the hospital's work, I can't misuse the public with my own self; I can only spare one or two hours a day to see him.Jianbai seems to be much more silent than when he was a child, and he rarely sees his smile. Inadvertently, I suddenly realized that he seemed to have something on his mind and couldn't explain it to me.Could it be that he still cannot forget his love for Qiumen?Silly boy!I should forgive him, and I shouldn't be jealous of Qiumen, it's God's will! The work assigned to me by the hospital seems to be leisurely on the surface, but in fact it is very complicated.I'm not a psychologist, how can I undertake the investigation of this kind of psychopath? I went to the soldiers ward today and heard a very touching story.The squat class monitor told me about a student who ran to the battlefield in pursuit of his fiancée.In the end, although his wish was fulfilled, unfortunately, under the fierce enemy fire, this pair of fateful mandarin ducks probably died. Great times also produced many great tragedies, but unfortunately I am not a writer, otherwise, I could have written many great works! Wasn't Jian Bai good at writing articles when he was a child?In the past few years, there must have been great progress.In the future, I want to encourage him to work hard in this area. I will use ourselves as the subject matter, and the writing will be very moving. After a while, I will talk to him about his future career, and I can prepare a comfortable writing environment for him in the future.What a pain in the ass!Married to a talented woman in the world, she is as thin as a plum blossom.What a beautiful dream! A terrible shadow broke into my happy life. In the afternoon, the dean issued an order to burn all the clothes left by the wounded soldiers.In order to keep some souvenirs for Jianbai, I secretly went to the storage room to check out his clothes; unexpectedly, I found a terrible secret in the pocket of that bloody coat!A picture of a woman and a tattered letter.It was even more unexpected that the woman who wrote the letter turned out to be my most respected friend Su Yanan. How could Anan know him?And love happened.Maybe when she was an editor?good!Wasn't Jianbai also studying in the provincial capital at that time? This incident stimulated me too much. Judging from the letter, they seem to be an unmarried couple. Bring a bridal sedan chair to meet me!What dazzling words! No wonder he has been preoccupied and depressed recently, it turned out to be because of this matter.Strange, why did they separate again?It's really puzzling. Regarding this matter, I have to think carefully and discuss it with Huiying tomorrow. My mind is extremely confused.well!Had we known this, we might as well never have met. Huiying advised me not to be in a hurry, not to say anything, and let her find a way to find out from Xu.Moreover, she was also suspicious of the story told by the short and fat squad leader. The hero and heroine were Xu and Yanan. I asked him to take the photos and ask him; I took time to visit him at noon. I tried my best to suppress the pain in my heart, fearing that he would see my signs, so I hurried back to my room.I fell on the bed and cried so much that I couldn't even eat dinner. I found the letter from Yanan from the suitcase, and the past reappeared in my mind.He is such a wonderful woman, and treats me so well, can I take her lover in danger!Although, my relationship with Jianbai was much earlier than her. Really mixed feelings, heartbroken.Suddenly, I felt some sweetness in my throat, so I managed to get up and take a look in the mouth bowl; it turned out that the mouth I vomited was bloodshot.For a moment, I felt chills all over, forget it!It's clean even after death. All doubts have become facts. Huiying told me today.The story that the squat squad leader told was indeed Yanan.He still remembered her outline, which was exactly the same as in the photo.Huiying also told me that Jianbai denied any engagement with Yanan, and only admitted that they were classmates, alas!Maybe he was afraid that I would be sad. After Huiying left, I personally went to find the squat squad leader and talked a lot; I not only found out how Jianbai had joined the army, but also confirmed that they were an unmarried couple.He also inquired about the circumstances of Li Zhizhong's death in battle.Although I don't have the slightest affection for him, I finally have a relationship in name, and I can't help but feel sad for him. The matter has developed to such a point that I should make up my mind: 1. I will absolutely not pursue their love process, so as not to cause further complications.Second, I will never give up on him unless Yanan is alive.Three, I want him to leave here earlier, so as not to hurt the scene.4. In any case, I cannot base my happiness on the suffering of others. I went to see him once in the evening and talked to him about the hospital transfer. He seemed troubled, and I agreed to go with him, so he nodded and remained speechless. After returning to the room, I vomited blood again, and Dr. Wang took X-rays for me. He only said that there were a few black spots on the apex of my lungs, and it was nothing serious. He wanted me to take a good rest, alas!It's so depressing. Sending him out of the hospital today, I managed to pull myself together to comfort him. He didn't seem to know what I was thinking. When I saw his expression of waving goodbye, I turned my back and didn't dare to look at him more. Farewell my love!May God bless my beloved. I have read this loose-leaf diary; but I have not yet understood the real reason why Alain left me.Is it getting worse?I thought of the early lung disease, which would not affect her life.And read between the lines, she did not change her original intention due to illness; why did she go back to that sad home?Because of Yanan?Yes!She may feel conflicted and uneasy because of this, but she has not even seen the shadow of Yanan, and she will not blindly give up her own happiness.Then there must be other difficulties in it, or this is just a part of her diary.Thinking of this, I stood up and said to Yang Ziyun: Ziyun!What about the diary behind her?From the time we parted to when she left the hospital, did you send it? have!Ziyun nodded calmly: But, I don't want to show it to you. Why? For the sake of your health now, I don't want to see my old friend, feeling too sad emotionally! No, now my nerves have been stimulated to numb! I'm not stimulated, and I couldn't bear to re-read it.Ziyun said with red eyes: You can imagine how sad and pitiful the diary she wrote for a helpless and helpless woman in the torment of illness and love.He pauses.Suddenly he punched heavily on the table, expressing his determination: firm white!I absolutely can't show it to you, I've already burned the little raindrops.You can hate me all you want, but I can't show you I have never seen Yang Ziyun lose such a big temper, and I was discouraged by his roar.After a while, I said: Ziyun!I know you guys care about me, but I want to understand the real reason why she and I left! All right!I can tell you simply!Yang Ziyun sighed for a while, took out a can of cigarettes from the bookshelf, lit the fire himself, and puffed out a thick puff of smoke.He said in a low voice: First, she was haunted by illness, and she didn't want to drag you down in the chaos of war; second, she wanted to go back to her hometown to recuperate well, because her parents wanted her to go back a long time ago, probably time has passed, I also regret what happened to you in the past.She wrote very sadly in her diary. She said that maybe she died soon, and she hoped that before she died, she would try her best not to make anyone sad. But she forgot me! These are not the most important factors for her, Yang Ziyun shook her head coldly: What really made her make up her mind was because of Yanan. Because of Yanan?I looked at him in surprise. Yes.Yang Ziyun sighed, took another puff of the cigarette, and then said hesitantly: After you left, he found out about Yanan. Yanan was not dead, and still alive!I jumped up and said, "Should I also be sent to that hospital?" No!Yang Ziyun shook his head again and again: he climbed down by himself after waking up.She crawled into a nearby village and packed a first-aid kit herself; it was only when she met fellow guerrillas that she was rescued.So they hired militiamen overnight and carried them to their base behind the enemy. where? Just in a county not far from your hometown! How could Alan know such details? The squat squad leader, wrote to her, because Alan treated him well in the hospital, he wrote to thank her, mentioned it in the letter, and at the same time this touching story spread quickly, everyone in the hospital heard got the news. So Yanan is still in the guerrillas behind the enemy lines, where there is a lot of medical problems. Has anyone talked about her injury? fine!Ziyun hesitated for a moment, but still hesitantly said: Probably not life-threatening. Did Alan not write in his diary? Well written and sensible too!Yang Ziyun nodded and said: It is because Yanan is still alive that she made up her mind to leave you.In her diary, she sincerely hopes that you can marry Yanan, and she is willing to sacrifice her own happiness to reduce the pain of others Just like that, she left the hospital!I looked at Zixue in a daze. Um!Alan is great.Ziyun took a thick book from the shelf and said to me coldly: In front of this great woman, we are really small and pitiful cowards. coward!These two words are like a poisoned arrow shot into my heart.Yes, in the eyes of the world, especially in the eyes of Alan, Qiumen and Yanan, they may regard me as a poor and cowardly person.Yes, there is indeed an element of pity in their love for me! Is a coward still qualified to love others, does he have the face to accept love from others? I insulted them and I insulted myself. Thinking, thinking, I feel like a heavy stone is blocked in my heart.For a long time, for a long time, I just felt a hot current tumbling upwards, tumbling!churn!Suddenly there was a fishy smell in my mouth, and I couldn't help coughing, and a large piece of blood spit out on Alan's diary.