Chapter 3 Chapter 1

Grandpa, are American trains this big? almost. Is there air conditioning too? What? It's just cold. have.But I haven't taken the train for more than thirty years.When I used to sit often, air-conditioning had not yet been invented. Oh, does grandpa always drive by himself when he goes out? Not open either.It is difficult to park in San Francisco, and it is more convenient to go out by bus or walk.The elderly have preferential treatment when taking the bus, which is almost free. What should we do if we go to a place far away, as far away as we are from Shanghai to Hangzhou? When you grow up, you will know that Shanghai is not far from Hangzhou.To distant places, some people like to fly, but I would rather take a long-distance bus.

Grandpa doesn't like flying? Well, it should be said that I don't like to travel far.Before this time, I only sat once when I moved from Chicago to San Francisco. why did you moveIsn't Chicago fun? Chicago is very windy.Although San Francisco is foggy, it is easier to bear. Hello San Francisco!We were so happy when Uncle Niu told us about Grandpa for the first time!Grandma still shed tears! oh. San Francisco is close to us, unlike New York, which is far away on the other side of the world.Grandma said, one day I will take a plane to find grandpa, at least get there sooner.I don't know when I can get on the plane.

When you are young, you have plenty of opportunities. Grandma said the same thing.She said that I was born at noon on the auspicious day of forgiveness of heaven, the triad is prosperous, the Lord is making great progress, and I will have a good life in the future. Does she believe that? yes!Our teacher said that Marxists do not believe in evil, and fortune-telling is superstition, but grandma believes in fortune.Do you believe it, grandpa? Don't believe me, how about you? I don't know. I think I probably don't believe it.Grandma really believes it!Shandao Temple was opened last year, and as soon as people burned incense, grandma rushed to catch up with the first batch.I was still going up the mountain, but after tossing back and forth, I became ill later.My mother said that grandma's illness was caused by the exhaustion of incense.

To persuade her not to be so superstitious. Grandma said that she is very spiritual, so don't you expect grandpa to come back? The granddaughter who was sitting by the window opened her angular mouth triumphantly at this moment, her black eyes fixed on her grandfather, and she cheered, "You are truly amazing!" The old man couldn't help smiling, a burst of warmth in his heart, which quickly spread to his whole body, just like the feeling of relief after a morning jog. He avoided his granddaughter and moved his eyes to his son who was sitting alone opposite. Jing Xian grinned meekly and silently, and his humble and grateful smile drew several deep grooves on his dry yellow face.He, too, was evidently a superstitious man.

This is Mei Jiu's son. Not only is he square-faced and short, he is cast like a mold, but his temperament is also true.From meeting at the airport last night to taking the train together this morning, we haven't spoken a few words in total.Answering questions is like squeezing toothpaste.If it weren't for the gentle smile on his face, coupled with his carefulness and thoughtfulness, the old man would really suspect that his son had a prejudice against him. It is really rare for middle-aged people to be so taciturn.It was unexpected that he was so old.He is less than fifty years old, his temples are completely white, his back is slightly bent, and his walking is slow and slow, he looks like a little old man.

Xianli praised and said: It doesn't look like a father and son, but more like brothers! This kind of compliment to show off my age, used to make me very proud, but this time it was quite unpleasant. He never expected anything from his son and knew he had no such rights.However, when the father and son met for the first time, he experienced indescribable excitement and bitterness, which showed that he still had subconscious hopes, for which he was secretly ashamed. Looking out of the window, the autumn sun is bright and the sky is bright and refreshing.Sangma rice fields.The rice paddies are connected to the fields, and farmers wearing Lihe hoes stand at the head of the fields, forming a beautiful and ancient picture.

The countryside has not changed, and Mei Jiu seems to have not changed either.She went to burn incense and pray to Buddha, begging the father of the child to come back. He knew that China had undergone tremendous changes, and some places might have changed slightly, but he didn't expect that there were still places that remained completely unchanged.The Chinese do not worship a single person, but also gods and Buddhas, which has not changed until now. The changes in Shanghai are not as big as he imagined. On the way from the airport to the Jin Jiang Hotel, the urban area passed many buildings and alleys of the old concessions.Compared with the three-story Sichuan restaurant next to the Great World in the 1930s, the current Jin Jiang is majestic and elegant, and it is quite in harmony with the nearby old houses.It is said that there is a newly built international standard hotel, but the son thought that the old man wanted nostalgia, so he specially booked Jinjiang for him, and the father and daughter found another small hotel to live in.

Due to the time difference, the old man quietly got up before dawn.Standing on the balcony and leaning on the railing to look into the distance, as far as the eye can see, there is a patch of low houses with red tiles, which set off the newly built high-rise buildings like a flock of chickens.The tall buildings that have become trademarks still stand by the river, looking quiet and stable in the morning fog.The Huangpu River estuary is full of ships, and the masts on the big and small ships are like pen holders filled with pen holders; trams jingle past below, breaking the silence of the morning.He felt that he had returned to the time when he was studying in Guanghua.

The scenery is old, Shanghai is not like many big cities in foreign countries, which have been transformed by civilization with stalagmites everywhere, beyond recognition.Maybe this is not modern enough, but what it gives him is the comfort and joy of reuniting old friends. When I arrived at the restaurant, I realized that Shanghai is different from the past. According to the instructions on the menu in the room, he found a restaurant that serves 24 hours.It was already early six o'clock in the morning, but there were no customers in the huge restaurant.Three young waiters in white uniforms were chatting and joking in the corner of the entrance, carrying some teacups in their hands, and ignored him as he entered and sat down.

After waiting for a while, the old man could only say hello.A woman Fang came late and asked him what he had for dinner. If there is porridge, I will drink a bowl of porridge and order some side dishes. Do you want a Chinese breakfast?sit there! She pointed to the other side of the restaurant. Only then did the old man notice that the table on his side was full of knives and forks, while the table on the other side was filled with bowls and chopsticks. I can eat western style too The waiter had already left without looking back. Embarrassed, he stood up and moved to another table. During the meal, the three waiters continued to chat with each other.Loud and totally indifferent to asking guests to share their thoughts on watching a foreign movie last night.

Soon, a middle-aged woman came in.She too was greeted with no smiles. It turned out that he did not discriminate against the elderly, but his uneasy heart fell to the ground like a stone.I really wanted to have a chat with them, but I was afraid of offending these young people who were full of masters, so I had no choice but to give up. After the meal, he went around the nearby alleys alone.When he came back, he was just in time for Jingxian, father and daughter, to meet him. When the grandparent and grandson were about to get on the train to the train station, suddenly the room attendant ran to the gate panting.With a smile on his face, he sent a pair of dirty socks that the old man had forgotten in the bathroom. Moved, the old man regained his confidence in Shanghai and its people. He was surprised by the large number of people in Shanghai.I thought it was because the Mid-Autumn Festival was coming and people went to the streets to buy festival goods, but my son said it was like this every day.The low buildings turned into magic boxes, and somehow so many people popped out.The crowds on the street were so overwhelming that the sidewalks seemed to be unable to accommodate them. They walked swaggeringly in the middle of the road and only gave way when they heard cars honking their horns a few times. The old rickshaws have been replaced by tricycles and bicycles, and the number and versatility of bicycles are a wonder to the elderly. In the United States, bicycles are only suitable for fitness, but here they have the function of private cars, carrying people and goods.High riding skills are like performing stunts, swimming among the crowd and vehicles.They competed with cars for the way, causing danger, but did not cause a car accident. The old man has always supported walking, and seeing such congested traffic, he would rather huddle in a taxi. Before coming here, I disapproved of the one-child population policy implemented in the mainland, and felt it was cruel and immoral.Seeing this on the spot, I couldn't help but cast my vote heartily. Shanghai is really amazing. There are not many high-rise buildings built in the urban area, but it can accommodate several times the population of the second half century ago.The city is literally a sponge. What's even better is that although there are many people, everyone is calm and slow, as if walking, and seems to be leisurely, as if they have a lot of time on their hands. The granddaughter was very curious and asked him what Shanghai was like in the past while waiting for the train at the train station. He was quite hesitant, wondering if a girl who grew up here could understand some obsolete nouns, such as concession, racetrack, kennel, tavern, dance hall, and opium.She has never met a few foreigners, so how can she understand their arrogance in the concession?She has never even seen a rickshaw, and she is looking forward to seeing it in the upcoming movie "Camel Xiangzi".As for the proliferation of prostitutes and crowds of beggars, the smell of rich wine and meat, and the scene of frozen bones on the road No, she knows about beggars, and is proud to say that China has eliminated beggars.Along the way, he hadn't seen a single person in ragged clothes, so he didn't doubt this statement. Today's Shanghai, he found, is completely a world of Chinese people, with no disparity between rich and poor, but it seems too uniform.The clothes are the most obvious. Most people are like sons, with white shirts and blue cloth pants. Seen from the back, there is sometimes no distinction between men and women.Some women wear floral blouses or skirts, even if they are bright embellishments, but the beauty of Chinese women is still far from being revealed. Dressed too primly, he protested, what are you doing in uniform? But the little girl said that the people in Shanghai dress the latest, and the clothes in Hangzhou are not as good. She is quite envious. She was dressed very plainly, a white cloth shirt with blue spots, a blue cloth jacket and trousers. She was wearing the same clothes when picking up the plane last night and taking the train today.Only the braided headband has been changed, yesterday it was black, today it is red.This change must be a sign of love for beauty at this age. The health and beauty of Chinese girls amazed him.Not polluted by powder, the natural skin color is more vivid and lovely.It is rare to see Huanfei, Yanshou and thin people all over the street, all of them are upright and vigorous, without any affectation.He is particularly fond of this simple beauty. If it is said that his son disappoints him, his granddaughter adds joy to him every moment.It was a face he had known for a long time, but it often gave him a kind of unexpected surprise and discovery. It was as if she had turned sideways at this moment, with her head resting on a glassy green field, and she was looking at grandpa with thick eyebrows and big eyes, and he saw herself in those dark pupils. No introduction needed, he recognized his granddaughter from a distance.Big eyes, high nose bridge and thick water chestnut lips, isn't it exactly what he looked like when he was young?The sudden surprise blocked his throat and made him unable to speak.He suddenly realized that why people want to pass on their families, it turns out that they hope for their own immortality! Grandpa, why don't you come back sooner! The old man was taken aback. I was afraid of this problem, but I was forced to give an explanation within 24 hours after arriving at the gate of the country. Want some tea? Coincidentally, the waiter came to sell tea, providing a respite. Two cups of Longjing. After Jing Xian finished his orders, he immediately paid the money. The waiter lifted the aluminum kettle and poured boiling water from a height two feet away from the cup. The old man watched him turn around in admiration, and then confessed the truth to his granddaughter. If you don't come back for a long time, you will be afraid of coming back in the future. So, you can come back every year in the future, can't you, grandpa? He hummed vaguely, and when he looked away, he bumped into his son again. If Dad likes it, he can live here. We can only wish for it. The taciturn Jing Xian murmured the invitation. Thanks, but I'm afraid I'm not used to it. Grandpa will definitely get used to it!Grandma said, as long as grandpa comes back once, there will be a second and third time! The old man smiled, but didn't make a sound. It turned out that Mei Jiu just hoped that I would come back as a guest.After all, she knows herself better. Grandma said that grandpa likes to draw.I can accompany you to the countryside to sketch, okay?And grandma Huangshan said, you always wanted to go to Huangshan, but you didn't go abroad afterward.Do you still want to go? Painting, sketching, Huangshan, these distant and long-forgotten teenage dreams, are now spit out from the mouth of a little girl, as if it is a story of a stranger, which does not arouse any interest or desire. He is still pondering, his son has already imagined it for him. Let's go again next time. I heard that Huangshan is still building roads and mountain cable cars. After the completion next year, going up the mountain will not be hard at all. Then the pollution destroyed the mountains and waters, and he lost interest even more. Do you like to draw? His granddaughter's clear eyes suddenly touched his heart, so he asked curiously. Well, it just doesn't draw well. Speaking of this, she was playing with pulling the braids with one hand, but suddenly gave up, put her index finger against her water chestnut lip, and bit her nails nervously. In last year's county primary and secondary school drawing competition, Yang Ci won the first place in the junior high school group. Jing Xian whispered about her daughter's grades. oh?very nice. The old man nodded approvingly. Yang Ci showed a hearty smile, and then his index finger slipped down from the opening of the water chestnut. The father gazes at his daughter with a wrinkled smile, content and humble at the same time. The old man found that Jing Xian's temperament was a bit like his cousin's, he didn't like to talk, but he was good at observing words and demeanor.It's just that his son's expression is blunt and reserved, not as elegant and confident as Jing Han, and even less tall and handsome as the latter. I don't know if it is born like this, or the environment has changed it to this appearance.Last night in Jinjiang, under his father's questioning, he briefly talked about his own experience, mainly because he wore a rightist hat in 1957 and ransacked his home in the early days of the Cultural Revolution.He always asks a question and answers a question, and narrates in a concise and concise way, not forgetting to add that these are all things in the past, and it is better now. The old man thought of the eloquent Mrs. Mi, and really did not understand what qualifications his son had to be a rightist.How can an accountant with a high school education come up with ideas that go against the trend or shake the regime?Such rightists disappointed him greatly. Looking at his son's gray hair and weathered face, the old man couldn't bear to ask.Also afraid of knowing too much. In the end, this is Mei Jiu's son, and his father's title was really accidental. accidental. I remember that when my father wrote to say that he had embraced his grandson and named him Jingxian, I was reading Xu Zhimo's poem "Occasionally".The scientific name is Jingxian, and the nickname is accidental. This was just a momentary thought, and I never said it out, let alone wrote back to suggest it.I still can't figure out why the father and son were so incompatible back then.The absolute authority of the father defies all and crushes all.All his confrontations ended in failure, so he had to run away from home and take the greatest revenge by being far away across the ocean.He also refused to reply, except of course for money. Many things are caused by a difference of thought, and the result takes on different meanings as the years change.For example, at one time he thought that Jing Xian's birth was an obstacle to his pursuit of happiness, but now he is the father of his lovely granddaughter. At the beginning, Jing Xian was a momentary impulse.Never expected that the ending would be so mysterious and complicated with just one thought. If it wasn't for going abroad, Guanghua would not have returned home the year he graduated.Ever since he was forced to pay homage to the world with Mei Jiu, he always finds various excuses to stay in Shanghai and not go home during winter and summer vacations.My father threatened to cut off his source of income several times, but he pretended to be deaf and dumb.Even if they were kidnapped by servants in disguise, the couple would still have different dreams in the same bed.At this time, I also feel guilty. The object of revenge is my father, but it is Mei Jiu who suffers. It wasn't her fault.Illiteracy, lack of culture, and lack of free love are not her unique flaws.He had already fallen in love with Yifen when he was in Hujiang University, and had been in love with Yifen for two years, and they had sworn each other forever.But his father opposed free love and believed in the matchmaker's words, so he tricked him back into marriage.He and Mei Jiu are both victims of an autocratic feudal marriage, and they should be sympathetic to each other.However, Yifen misunderstood that she was betraying her heart, so she published her love letter one-sidedly, and angrily married Xiao Kai, a bank manager, which forced him to be ashamed of seeing others, so he had to transfer to Guanghua.As a result, shame and resentment turned into a stream of resentment, all pouring out on Mei Jiu; he dressed himself as a victim of a feudal family and continued to chase girls in Guanghua. It was originally planned to go abroad immediately.On the eve of the graduation ceremony, Ms. Lu, who has been obsessed with her for two years, suddenly announces her marriage to Hong Jun, who is a class below her.At the wedding, the groom held his head high and his chest only reached the bride's eyebrows, but he came from an official family and was about to study in the United States, so he was still called a match made in heaven by the guests. Knowing that the combination with Ms. Lu was quite slim, but at the time I felt a great shame.He had the idea of ​​going abroad first, so he packed his bags and went home. Even so, he was still indifferent when he saw the short and docile Mei Jiu.Especially when his mother praised his daughter-in-law for her virtuousness, he suspected that the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law had colluded to get him hooked.He still doesn't know whether his parents have noticed that he has not been married.The little woman has always been so gentle and refined in front of people, Weng Po only regrets that she has not yet given birth to a precious son. He doesn't want to be a father, he just wants to go abroad.However, facing his father's stern gaze, he didn't have the courage to speak.He can only seek relief in alcohol. One day, when I woke up in the middle of the night, I heard people around me crying.Feeling soft for a moment, he couldn't help turning sideways and asking her why she was crying.What's wrong with me, she turned over and rushed towards me, because she was holding back her crying, her whole body was shaking like a swing.The tears came more fiercely and surgingly than the Qiantang tide in August, and made his chest feel hot and humid in an instant. He can hold his breath and hold his breath, but he is most afraid of women's tears.That night, he finally surrendered and became her captive. Mei Jiu helps him lobby his father.The old man actually nodded, and began to sell the land to raise his traveling expenses abroad.At that time, the situation was tense day by day. The old man believed that there would be a big war with Japan, and he was willing for his son to go abroad for a while, but he never expected that his son would never come back. When he received the family letter of Jing Xian's birth, he didn't have the joy of being a father, only the regret of making mistakes.The child had delayed his plans for a divorce for ten years. Jiujiu is Yangci, and her award-winning painting depicts commune members. Jing Xian suddenly pointed out the window, and told his father in a restrained and modest tone. Farmers with lotus hoes walked by the stream, lined up in the shape of geese, and all of them looked sideways to see the speeding train.The late rice behind them has headed, but has not bloomed yet, so a piece of verdant green spreads straight to the blue sky. It's so beautiful, grandpa!Seeing the countryside on the train is better than a movie! With the tip of her nose pressed against the glass window, Yang Ci was busy capturing the scenery, and never forgot to share her feelings with her grandfather.The thin girl had thick black hair, which was tied into two thick and black strands, which were swaying back and forth behind her head as her head and face shifted. Next time you take the train, take me with you, okay? When she was turning around, she begged her grandfather first. Okay, let's go to Hankou to pick up your aunt. On a whim, my grandfather told her: You like riding the train so much, let me take a photo of you to commemorate it. Now? certainly. The old man stood up with the handle of the seat, and was about to reach out to pick up the suitcase on the luggage rack, but his son had already done it for him. Jing Xian, this is a camera for you, now I will tell you how to use it. He took out the Polaroid camera and instructed how to load the film and adjust the distance. When Yang Ci heard that the photo was being taken, she immediately sat upright, moved a pair of braids forward, put the battle stick neatly on her chest, and folded her hands neatly on her knees. Don't be so serious, feel free to look out the window. He gave the camera to his son, and the old man turned around to sit for director Yangci. the train is moving Jing Xian hesitated, not daring to press the button. It doesn't matter, it only takes a moment for me to take a picture for you to see. The old man took the camera and pointed it at Yang Ci with a click. After ten seconds, the photo is developed. Looks better than a real person. Jing Xian said that he was afraid that he might not see it correctly, so he took out the reading glasses frame from his pocket and put it on the bridge of his nose, and looked carefully again. So fast wow! Yang Ci's black eyes were wide open, staring at herself in the photo, she couldn't believe it. The old man grinned triumphantly. The granddaughter in the color photo, with one arm resting on the car window, looks back and smiles with the dignified and reserved look of a big girl, and the square chin is even more resolute, all of which remind people of her grandmother's charm when she was young. This machine is really amazing! A young man and a woman sitting next to each other, who have been in love with each other since getting in the car, suddenly came closer to look at the photo and clapped their tongues. After chatting, I found out that they are newly married and going to Hangzhou for their honeymoon.The old man took a picture of the two of them, and they went back to their seats happily holding them. Grandpa, can you take a picture of grandma and mother when you get home? Of course Jiujiu can say anything. Grandpa readily agreed. The special express train arrived in Hangzhou in two hours.The people from the China Travel Agency waited at the station and sent the family of three to the Binhu Hotel. The old man's room faces the West Lake.Looking out of the window, the Su Causeway is in sight, the peach willows on both sides are shining, the stone bridge is arched in it, tourists are like clouds, and there are more cars in an endless stream.The three islands in the center of the lake are still scattered and floating on the water; the shade of trees around the lake is denser than before, and the distant mountains are very green.The lake water is also far clearer and greener than in memory, and of course there are more tourists. He is very satisfied.Originally, I had no intention of mourning Jiangnan when Hunxi came back, but now I plan to go for a walk around the lake at dusk, and join the ranks of people who say that Jiangnan is good, and tourists only like old Jiangnan. During lunch, Jing Xian suddenly asked him: Does daddy take a nap? don't sleep. If we don't sleep, shall we go home after dinner? He couldn't help being startled. Before coming here, I informed my son that I would stop in Shanghai for two days to see the former Guanghua school and dormitory.As a result, my son said that Shanghai was too noisy, so he went to Hangzhou to rest first, and advised him to go back for a nostalgic tour.It's been half a century since he didn't insist on it, so why fight for it?But no matter what, I have to stay overnight in Hangzhou, and I need to adjust my mood so that I can step back home. Go back early tomorrow morning. He suddenly felt that the meaning of this night was extraordinary. Come home early, grandpa and Yangci help beat the side drums, grandma is looking forward to us! If I find the car, Jing Xian begged him, can Dad leave in the afternoon?The car ran fast, and I returned home in less than two hours. I will take you back at night. This dull middle-aged man suddenly became quite stubborn. I want to go home, grandpa, how great it is to go home and spend the Mid-Autumn Festival with grandma! Yangci's voice was full of yearning for homesickness and relatives. The grandfather, who has lived in the United States for a long time and has no habit of celebrating holidays, can't help but soften his heart.The touching voice can turn steel into water, and the sound of grandpa has already made his heart beat, and he is willing to answer anything.The so-called Tianlun is so primitive and simple. Well if you can find a car. I'm going to contact the car now. Jing first finished the rice in the bowl in twos and twos, ordered his daughter to accompany his father, and hurried to collect the car by himself. Does grandma know we're home today? When signing the bill after dinner, the old man asked his granddaughter. have no idea.She thought that Grandpa would spend a full day in Shanghai, so he would definitely take me to the beach.When it comes to Hangzhou, you must go to the West Lake first, and go to Huajiashan to see flowers and goldfish and eat lotus root noodles.We were originally scheduled to go back the day after tomorrow, but my brother had already asked for leave from the factory. So, we will return to Peng County the day after tomorrow. The old man was glad that he found out in time, and almost fell into the trap of his son. Since your grandma wants me to take you around the West Lake, we will go boating in the afternoon.In the evening, I will take you to the building outside the building to eat fish. Use the fish scooped up from the West Lake to cook in water and fish fillets in vinegar, okay? The granddaughter was moved by his words for a moment, her eyes blinked and she was already yearning for him. Ah, it's a pity I didn't bring my painting tools! It doesn't matter, bring it later, I will take you to the lake every day.do you know?In the past, I took you Uncle Jinghan to row a boat. At that time, there were many aquatic plants in the lake. He liked to catch fish. Once, he fell into the water completely! She burst out laughing. When did that happen, grandpa? Well, he closed his eyes and calculated silently. It must have been 1932 in the autumn of the year I transferred from Hujiang University to Guanghua. 1932?I don't, my father hasn't been born yet! Grandpa smiled: No, your grandma hasn't passed the door yet. Grandma, when did she pass the door? That is, at the end of that year.I came home from Shanghai to celebrate the New Year, and I was forced to wear a long robe and mandarin jacket to pray to heaven and earth the next day.This is an old-fashioned marriage in which the man and the woman did not know each other beforehand. Yang Ci half-understood and said: But grandma is very good.Dad said that she has endured hardships all her life, but now she can enjoy some blessings, but she is already so old At this time the waiter came and took the signed bill. Grandpa heaved a sigh of relief.It's best not to talk about Mei Jiu, but when it comes to her, his chest swells like a stuffed bellows.It really makes sense to be timid near the hometown. When the two returned to the old man's room, the waiter graciously delivered a copy of the "Hangzhou Daily" of the day. If Dad finds the car, let's go home early. As soon as he sat down, Yang Ci changed his mind. All right. Grandpa reluctantly agreed.He felt a little disappointed, and secretly ashamed of his lack of willingness to return. When grandma recovers from her illness, let's accompany her to the West Lake, okay, grandpa? Well, well she is sick? The grandfather was very surprised; it was never mentioned in the son's letter. She has been ill since burning incense back then. oh?It's been so long!What disease? I don't quite know.At first it was a cold, but soon after it got better, it came back and I often coughed.The doctor said it was because of old age.In June of this year, she suffered from heart failure and was sent to the hospital once.Grandma lived for seventeen days, and she was not used to it, so she had to move back home. Why didn't your father say it in his letter? Grandma didn't let me say it. The old man was silent. Does Mei Jiu need no mercy, or is she afraid that he won't come back?He himself was rarely sick, and he was most afraid of seeing patients, but this feeling became apparent after middle age, how did she know? There is a phenomenon in the United States. Old people who retire and stay at home often age and die very quickly.When he retired, he made an appointment with Yongyong: when one of them started to linger on the sick bed, they would study the fastest and painless method of suicide. Soon Yongyong was poisoned by gas, and he was not aware of it beforehand.In recent years, I have been idle and have no illnesses, so I have never started to find out how to kill myself quickly. During the annual routine health examination, each item is either normal or qualified. Afterwards, the doctor will congratulate him when he says goodbye. Congratulations Mr. Hu, you are very healthy! I have always been very proud of my health, but now I feel ashamed, like a child who is sharing candy and finds that he has taken an extra portion. He will inevitably feel guilty. If he had known that Mei Jiu was ill, he might have considered postponing his return.Now that raw rice is cooked and cooked, I have to admit it. Helplessness and burnout ensue.Jet lag kicked in, too, and my eyelids felt momentarily heavy. Grandpa, can you lie down and sleep for a while? Yang Ci advised him. No, I'm going to sleep now, I'm sure I won't be able to fall asleep at night, I'll read the newspaper and wait until your father comes. More than ten years ago, I read the "People's Daily" for class, and I knew that newspapers in mainland China were boring.The current "Hangzhou Daily" has improved slightly, but it still cannot get rid of its propaganda and dogmatic face.The headlines on the front page are neither major world or domestic news, nor local major events, but the experience of a county in a neighboring province in implementing the responsibility system. Although there are supplements and advertising adjustments, due to the lack of content in the news, it still feels stiff and dull to read. Before the newspaper was finished, the old man had already closed his eyes and fell asleep with his head resting on the sofa. Jing first found a car and finally set off at three o'clock in the afternoon. The prosperity of the Hangjiahu Plain is fully reflected in the road from Hangzhou to the county and small towns.The county town is full of high-rise buildings and densely populated, which has completely changed.On the way to the town, the tea gardens and rice fields are tidied up and cultivated more intensively than ever.The dirt road has been paved with asphalt. Although the road is not wide, the traffic is like a shuttle. There are large trucks, cars, buses, jeeps, tractors, three-wheeled motor vehicles, old cattle trailers, and bicycles.There are also many pedestrians, including peasants with their shoulders on their shoulders, women riding donkeys to visit relatives, and children playing on the side of the road or under trees.From time to time, a yellow ox appeared, and occasionally a fat pig sprang out, embellishing the road very lively. The driver was a young guy, with his skill and courage, he drove a half-new Japanese Toyota as a sports car.He honks his horn all the way to make way for people and animals; every car must pass, especially when he encounters a large truck, he is not far behind. Accompanied by his granddaughter, the old man sat in the back seat. Not long after leaving the city, he was so nervous that his hands were firmly on the shoulders in front of him, and his heart hung high. As soon as the little driver saw the truck, he immediately approached it.As soon as the car in the direction passed, he immediately turned the steering wheel and rushed into the other party's lane.It was too late to say it, and then it was fast, a large truck appeared from the opposite side of the sky, and it was confident, and it rushed over. The old man let out a cry, warning the young man to retreat quickly.Not only did the other party not listen, but he stepped on the accelerator hard enough to sprint through the gap between the two trucks that were about to meet each other, and then applied an emergency brake before hitting the vehicle in front. The old man slumped on the seat, closed his eyes, and pressed his hands on his throbbing chest.Fortunately, I ran well in the morning and could withstand the shock. No problem, no problem, the driver easily comforted the guests, I just received a driving safety award last month!The road is familiar, hey, I promise you will be fine! The old man opened his eyes and saw that his granddaughter showed no sign of flinching, and that Jing Xian in the front seat was also calm, as if he was fighting side by side with the driver wholeheartedly.He let out a sigh of relief, and really admired the demeanor of the driver and passengers who regarded death as home. The change of the small town is not as good as that of the county seat, but it is also quite strange at first glance.Several newly built buildings on both sides of the street squeezed the street extremely narrow.Looking out of the car window, the streets are full of heads, and it is almost suspected that the entire population of the town has come out.The driver honked the horn all the way, and the car had to move forward slowly. He was worried that he would not know the small town that has undergone half a century of changes.However, the old two-storey conjoined street houses, the narrow roads, the Guangji Traditional Chinese Medicine Shop and Lao Xingsheng Tofu on the street, all remind you of the scene of wandering around the temple entrance when you are a child.However, facing these two time-honored brands, Longfu Temple has changed its appearance, and the plaque has been replaced by Qianjin Primary School.The asphalt road stretches all the way to the entrance of the temple, which used to be full of incense, filling up the holes that devout men and women stepped on the dirt road in the past. In addition to new buildings, bicycles that were rare in the past also appeared.I didn't see a tricycle, but before the car turned to the alley, I bumped into a hand wheelbarrow head-on, which was piled up with egg-sized yams, and a farmer held the handlebar with both hands and pushed it behind. This kind of rooster car is an old acquaintance. Not only did I like to ride it, but I also liked to push Jing Han to play.At that time, the farmers sent vegetables to pay the rent, and once the goods were unloaded, the car became their own toy.Push it from the yard to the road, let the neighboring children take turns to push and sit, and give orders by yourself, very majestic. Shanghainese people walk slowly, while the pedestrians in my hometown crawl slowly, and the cars pass by, all of them stand still and watch, and they don't start for a long time, as if they have completely forgotten the purpose of going to the street. Got home! Hearing Yangci's cheers, grandfather realized that he had reached his door. The door opened, and he raised his head suddenly, making him see each other for a while.Looking carefully, sure enough, the low tile walls are still there, with a few dilapidated places, except for the red-painted gate.This way, the patio is unobstructed, where clothes are hung to dry and various cooking buckets and water tanks are piled up.There was an old woman squatting on the ground to pick beans, while a chicken was pecking at it. Where is the gate? The old man was a little strange.In the past, only potted plants were placed in the courtyard, but now the gate is still the same, so you may not be able to recognize it when you come in. Now there are 29 people living in six households. For the convenience of entering and exiting, the gate was demolished during the Cultural Revolution. Jing Xian explained in a low voice.He was taking out money to pay the fare, but his father stopped him. The old man signed the bill handed over by the driver. When the grandparents and grandchildren stepped into the courtyard, the old woman picking beans looked up at them in surprise. Grandma Hou is cooking? Yangci greeted her. The old woman's eye sockets were swollen, her eyes were dull, her hearing was not working, or she was slurring her speech. She moved her dry lips, but there was no sound.After staring blankly at the visitor, she hung her head again and continued picking beans. The old man waited for his son to introduce him, but Jing Xian just led him around the side door in the corner and turned into the inner courtyard. I used to live in seven households, but just moved out one household last month to free up the hall.Along the way, his son continued to explain to him: The cadres of the county housing management department said that the country recently had a policy that the occupied houses of overseas Chinese families should be returned as soon as possible. The old man can't help but admire the stretching ability of the folks.There are only about ten rooms in the old house, and there are actually seven families living there. My mother said that within a few days of my grandfather's return, he will definitely meet the cadres of the county government.Grandpa, don't forget to ask them for help and return the house to us quickly. Yangci faithfully conveyed her mother's wishes. The old man patted his granddaughter on the shoulder to express his understanding, but he advised his son. In my opinion, it is enough to live, it is better not to have enough. Dad said yes. The son obediently agreed. You still use well water! As soon as he stepped into the inner courtyard, the old man was pleasantly surprised to see that the well stone in the northwest corner was still there. There is running water, but many people in our town still use well water granddaughter told him. The well water is good, clear and sweet.He remembered that when he first went to Shanghai to study, he had no attachment to his hometown, and only missed the sweetness of this well water occasionally. How is it, grandpa, the same as before? The granddaughter took her grandfather's hand and asked innocently. Ha, same, not much changed. He looked around the yard and the house, and saw that everything was just a little bit older and smaller. The well and the house were repaired at the same time. According to my father, it was a feat of my great-grandfather's 50th birthday, and it has been nearly a hundred years.The house has been in disrepair for a long time, the paint on the pillars is peeling off, and the tiles and eaves are full of moss, reminiscent of antiques that have been dusty for many years.Just because the footsteps of modernization have not stepped into this compound, it does not look old and simple.My hometown is like a woman who has been stripped of all her decorations, not even a plaque left.When the house was built, it hung on the door of the hall to stop at the best. I always found it ironic, and it's good that it's gone now. To his surprise, the well platform has grown stronger after years of torture.The large bluestone countertop is smooth and smooth, and the base of the platform is covered with moss as if inlaid with emeralds, which is very quaint.The cement pedestal was added later, but the bucket and hemp rope are still in the old style, which shows that the life in this compound is both old and new, coexisting peacefully. The locust tree is still there, which is great. He didn't expect that the old pagoda tree that was so high above the eaves was so tenacious.It leans towards the well platform, and its branches have been sawn off, which looks like a lot of scars; the main trunk is fixed by cement, and it looks like an old cow that has been crushed by a heavy load but is still struggling.花期已過，殘梗和綠葉參差，在斜陽中顯得蕭條倏然而硬挺。 他沒問，現在是否還收集槐花。兒時，上樹搖落槐花是他的專利。傭人在樹下掃集花蕾，曬乾以入藥。 除了井和槐，再找不到眼熟的東西。記得東北角曾種有石榴，五月榴花映火紅。現在那裏只有兩排曬衣架掛滿了五顏六色的衣服。一隻老母雞領著一群小雞，在下面穿梭覓食。此外院子周圍也有許多什具和雜物，是個擴大了的天井。 唷，已經到啦！ 隨著一聲驚呼，一個中年女人跨出西廂房，手上抱著縫補中的衣服。 你們會提前回來好哇！正趕上過節！ 她一邊表示歡迎，一邊飛快地奔下台階，順手又摺好衣服，動作非常利落。 爸爸，這是久芳。 原來是兒媳，鴨蛋臉和照片上差不多，但比照片蒼老些，身材尤其瘦得像根豆芽，難怪自己未能先認出來。她穿了一條洗得泛白的黑布長褲，光腳著一雙塑料涼鞋。上身的藍布中式褂子，名副其實地掛在身上，看不出一點曲線。五官平平，倒沒有丈夫那班皺紋密佈；頭髮略呈焦黃，從額頭中分，剪成齊耳長。這是個不會叫人看走眼的家庭主婦。 爸爸您好！路上辛苦了，快請大廳裏坐！ 媳婦倒是笑聲爽朗誠摯，而且說完就領先開步；步履行動之迅速利落，更是老人返國來唯一僅見的。 一定是個能幹的媳婦。他忽然感到一種莫名所以的安慰。 came back? 老人循聲望去，幾時像變魔術般，東南的每個房間都冒出了人頭，男女老少均有。 回來了，張大嫂！你好，老李 景先夫婦倆來回招呼著，仍然沒有介紹遠方歸來的親人。 老人估計，這是時下中國的習尚。他正討厭見生人，樂得早早踏上久違的台階跨進了大廳。 弄到了車子，所以早些回來。媽怎麼樣？ 腳一過門檻，景先就低聲問妻子，眼睛瞟向大廳左首的房間。 這個房間的門緊閉著。看來梅玖就在裏面。以前，這是她婆婆的臥房。 還好，就是吃不下東西。 久芳駐足回首，也壓低了嗓門說話。對於隔房的病人，夫婦顯然充滿了尊敬和體貼。 早上喝了一碗白粥，中午卻一口也吃不下去，只叨唸著你們媽以為爸爸會帶玖玖去逛西湖哩。 老人連忙聲明：我們沒去。 早回家更好。爸爸請坐呀，要不要洗把臉？ 不洗了，謝謝你。 媳婦碰到這種美國式的禮貌，不習慣地怔了一怔。隨即殷勤地把公公引向大廳中央的一張大圓桌。 圓桌上空孤旋著一隻電燈泡，無遮無掩如新生兒，赤裸裸的一絲不掛。 一股生石灰和油漆味撲鼻而來。老人四下張望一眼，原來牆壁剛粉刷過，白得刺眼。木格窗都配了玻璃，窗格漆成醒目的朱紅，映得滿屋明晃晃亮堂堂，還帶著份喜氣。 大廳空曠得令人感到陌生。壁上一無所有，除了角落裏一張竹榻和單薄的鋪被外，剩下的家具就是這張圓桌和半打靠椅子。圓桌倒是一件體面的古董，厚實的酸枝木料，桌沿雕著細緻的花紋，因年代久遠，朱漆發黑泛光，亮得極富韻致。他記不得，這是否父親時代的遺物。 媽，我去告訴奶奶，說爺爺到了，嗯？ 仰慈說著，便把一路代祖父揹的手提袋滑下肩來。 她媽媽點頭說好，立即把袋子接過，安置在桌上。 爸爸請坐。 景先恭敬地給父親拉開了一把椅子。 老人目送孫女進了梅玖房間，這才坐下。 爸爸請歇一下，我去沏茶。 媳婦招呼了一聲，即匆匆又跨出大廳。 老人指指椅子，讓兒子也坐下來。 媽媽早讓玖玖畫了一張佛像，可是油漆工人來得太晚，因此還來不及掛上去。 兒子甫落座，便以歉疚的口氣解釋空壁的原因。 很好，老人安慰他，我喜歡家徒四壁。 提到佛像，老人忽然醒悟，何以這一刻覺得大廳空得出奇。從前這裏幾乎望不見牆壁，正中供著佛像，到處是妙手回春或仁心仁術的謝匾。父親中年時忽然對中醫發生興趣，自己鑽研，又免費施診，並且最中意病人送匾額，結果牆壁幾乎蓋滿。母親信佛，長期案桌上點著香。猶記冬日的黃昏，大門緊閉，油燈如豆，父親在煙霧裊裊中為人把脈，頗有廟會的氣氛。 想想都好笑，父親篤信中醫，做兒子的卻一輩子拒絕服用中藥，始終不知道，究竟是抗拒人，還是抗拒物，自己才如此頑固。 你媽媽人不舒服，我過去看她吧。 坐了一刻，不見孫女出來，他便提醒兒子。 景先遲疑了俄頃，終於站起說：我先去看看。 他進去一下，立即就出來。 媽說，她要梳洗打扮一下。 老人幾乎要啞然失笑。七十四歲的老太婆，又是久病之人，居然講究這個！ 如果是雍雍，當然可以理解。沒想到梅玖在垂暮之年，也染上這個習慣。也許女人越老越愛俏吧。 他覺得很無聊。面對著口訥的景先，一時索然無味。希望孫女快出來，不料一眼望過去，正撞見她輕悄地帶上了房門，依然把他關在外面。 院子裏夕陽更斜了，一半罩在陰影裏。陸續有人端著鍋盆和菜籃往井台走來，好奇的眼光一再瞟向大廳。 好幾個小孩端出椅凳，就在各個房門口做起功課，彼此交頭接耳，小臉也歪向這邊。 老人覺得睏乏，不知不覺瞇上了眼。 陶奶奶你起來啦是，我公公家來了！ 聽到媳婦的聲音由遠而近，他霍地睜開眼，見她正笑吟吟地端著菜盤進屋來。 爸爸喝茶。 她已重新梳過了頭，中分的頭髮沿著兩鬢以髮夾固定。上身換了件蛋青色尼龍襯衫，胸脯仍然平得像塊門板。 要不要打電話叫健豐早點回家？敬了公公茶後，她和丈夫商量著。 景先睨一眼手錶，猶豫著：只差半小時就下工 不要打擾他上班。 祖父立即阻止。他知道，孫子高中畢業後，整整失業了兩年，去年才進了肥料工廠。進工廠不容易，理應敬業才是。 是，那就不叫他。 兒子顯然也是同樣的心思。 爸爸都喜歡吃些什麼菜？ 媳婦在打聽。 老人想勸她少張羅，兒子已搶先代他回話。 爸爸喜歡吃素，要多做些蔬菜。他吃得比我們淡，少擱鹽。 別的準備不及，吃素吃淡，那可容易啦！ 她答應得爽快利落。又到隔壁去看婆婆，不久就出來招手請父子過去。 這房間也很空曠，但陰暗得很。老人進門後先定了定神，才發現朝北的兩扇窗戶全用報紙糊得嚴嚴的，只剩南窗在透光，以致室內籠罩在濃厚的暮靄中。 空氣更是厚實飽和，浸透了中藥味。 一張大床坐西朝東，蚊帳高高捲起。病人坐在床頭，繡花的棉被蓋了下身，整齊地攤在床上。裏面角落裏有個五斗櫥，南窗下有個木板和樟木箱搭成的鋪位，兩床之間放了一張面向病人的靠背椅，此外一無所有。 梅玖，我早該回來看你。 他剛趨近床邊，半途又卻步不前，不能決定是上前握手，還是保持一段距離比較合適。 爸爸請坐。 幸好媳婦及時來解圍。 他沒有選擇地被推上了唯一的椅子。 兒媳倆站在床尾，但孫女卻靠著他身邊站著，使他感到尚不孤單。 為恆，你回來了好。 病人的聲音細若游絲，聽來既遙遠又陌生。 他正眼瞧去，完全不認識這張臉。 但是除了梅玖，還能是誰呢？ 方臉方下巴，只是瘦得僅剩下骨架。以往小巧的嘴，如今整個癟進去，不說話時只看到一條線而已。稀疏的白髮只夠在腦後挽個手不盈握的小髻。倒是深陷的眼窩迸發出光亮，一種執著凝注的光芒，像黑夜裏的兩盞燈，吸引了在座所有的視線。 你回來了，好。 如此簡單明白，既無逢迎，亦無責備，更沒有想像中的鼻涕和眼淚。早知道見面這麼容易，大可不必磨蹭了七年之久。大概內疚和怨恨如同酒一樣，窖藏了幾十年再拔開瓶塞，氣泡早已淨化，餘留的只有甘醇的汁液。 媽，你這兩天還咳嗎？ 景先殷切地問候。 病人輕微地搖晃下她雪白的頭，眼光仍凝注在椅子上的人。 媳婦見狀，便代為敘說：媽這幾天心情好，能坐起來了，不像前一陣子咳得厲害，我們可擔心 婆婆的目光朝她一掃，她便含糊地打住。 老人的內心暗自一慄。這神態似曾相識正是當年母親對梅玖的模樣，也是不聲不響，只拿眼色指使對田姨，可連正眼也不瞧的。 以前的情況無從探索，但這一刻的梅玖確實威嚴無比。兩隻手病得瘦骨嶙峋，從寬大的灰衣夾襖中伸出，卻對稱端莊地平攤在紅被上。她那端坐的姿勢，如果頭頂的蚊帳是錦幔和儀仗，她這便是母儀天下的典範。 梅玖，你應該躺著才好。 那千年樹根般糾結的雙手，看得他坐不安席。他悄悄縮回擱在椅子扶手上的胳臂，一時竟不知所措。病人的凝視令他自慚形穢，似乎自己健康得多餘，簡直有罪。如果健康可以隨意分贈，他這一刻是絕不會吝嗇的。 我很好，為恆。 梅玖的聲音細弱，卻十分堅定，說完，目光移到床尾。 媽想吃甚麼，我這就去做。 媳婦機靈地請示。 給你爸，做些，好菜，我不要。 媳婦應是，又扯了下丈夫的胳臂。 你給媽煎湯藥去吧。 臨走前，她又吩咐女兒：爺爺陪奶奶說說話，你到廚房來做活。 祖孫依依不捨地分了手。 失去仰慈的依靠，老人頓覺孤單而且窘迫，如同被逼到角落的野獸，一時走投無路。 原來這才是難關之所在，和梅玖單獨四目相對。差可安慰的是，對方是個病人，隨時可以找個藉口結束這種尷尬的局面。 九九歸一，又回到原始的起點，兩個一度最親然而也最疏遠的人，如今又無言相對。 要是年輕時代，他一定溜之大吉。現在卻只有束手待斃的份，偶然鼓起勇氣，回頭睨一眼出口，不幸看到久芳輕悄地關上了門。 He cleared his throat.奇怪，他也有咳嗽的欲望。 空氣中的藥味似乎習慣了，已經沒有知覺。然而另有一種氣味，非常陰涼沉重，難以言喻，卻令人備受壓迫，呼吸無法順暢。 我沒有什麼，只給你帶來一點花旗參。 他忽然記起，趕忙從西裝外套的口袋中，掏出了半磅人參。 你回來了就好。 游絲在顫動，譜出了喜悅和安慰的音符。 她的右手向床沿挪出了幾寸，努力要迎接來自太平洋彼岸的禮物。 你喜歡的話，我以後可以寄來。 他遞人參到她手中時，觸到堅硬的骨頭，心口跟著一陣收縮。憐憫和內疚，使自己覺得平空矮了半截。 梅玖，我害苦了你一輩子。 他推開人參，雙手合抱著這只剩幾根骨頭的手，輕輕地撫摸，恨不得把自己一腔的虧欠，在一剎那間揉進這紙一般薄的皮裏。 不要那樣說我不怨你。 我原以為離婚可以使你解脫，但是孩子拖住了你。 虧得有孩子，我才活得下去他很孝順。 yes.我父母，也多虧你奉養和送終。 份內的事。 怎麼說，我都一生感激你，尤其是父親去世後，你還繼續寄錢接濟我的生活。 那本來就是胡家的錢 她說著咳起來，口一張一歙地吐氣，雙眸如金魚眼般爆出眼眶，目光泛紅，臉色卻灰暗如青石板。 他從來沒侍候過病人，慌忙站起，俯身向前並且張開了手，卻不知做什麼才好。 梅玖的咳嗽聲音其實不大，但像斷裂的風鈴拖著尾音，欲斷還續地。他聽得喉頭發癢，暗中使著勁想代她發完最後一聲咳。 請歇一歇不忙說話 他但願兒孫都在身邊，一時又不敢離開病人去呼喊他們。通大廳的門早已關上。記得角落裏另有一扇通廂房的門。他轉身搜索，昏暗中依稀看得見，但也是閉得嚴嚴的。 正張惶失措的當兒，忽見病人慢慢縮回一隻手，擱在一起一伏的胸口上。他恍然大悟地走上前，伸手扶住她的腰，輕輕地揉著她的心口。 少說兩句吧，梅玖，我們有的是時間。我什麼時候回去都無所謂的，可以陪你慢慢地細聊。 他哄小孩似地說著，手上的感覺也像在抱扶一個嬰孩。梅玖不但瘦小得出奇，而且渾身冷颼颼的，寒意透過灰布衫直穿入他的肌膚。他經不住打了個寒噤。 過了一陣，她止了咳，氣也平順許多。 梅玖，你躺下來吧！ 她不肯，仍然端坐如泰山。 他只好坐到床沿，靠她近些，希望使她說話省些力氣。 一九四八年，賣了最後一塊地給你寄錢去，她繼續說下去，第二年，解放了。有地的人家，挨鬥，掃地出門我們還好。 虧你想得開。 他圓滑地應了一句，自己暗自慚愧。既不敢打聽這卅多年母子怎麼過活，兒子如何當上右派，也無法想像這還好兩字的具體意義。 田姨，在公公過身沒幾天，不告而別。 他點點頭，原來這個女人還頗為果斷，倒不拖泥帶水。 文革開始，取消資本家定息。我就獻出房子，租回三間自己住。這回，沒逃過批鬥。 他凝神諦聽，想知道在那中國史上最黑暗的日子裏，母子受苦的細節。 這些都是過去的事你回來了，就好。 誰知她一筆帶過，口氣和景先一模一樣。 It doesn't matter if you don't say anything.不提過去，也意味著不追究他自己這四十九年的往事，他甚