Chapter 6 Chapter 1

The car pulled out of the airport and drove on the highway leading to San Francisco. Hu Jinghan stared firmly at the back of the head of the old man sitting in front, and clamped his upper and lower lips tightly to suppress the surging tide of anger. Never dreamed that Uncle Heng would be so disappointing!So incompetent!It made me wait for him for more than a year in vain.Six years of family miss, planning and planning, hard savings are all in vain now!I knew for a long time that he had no sense of responsibility to the family, so why did I trust him, but now I am a dumb man who eats coptis.The most annoying thing was that he still had this depressed and gloomy face, and he assumed a pre-emptive posture as if heralding a typhoon, which confused Niu Xianli.What's the matter, Teacher Hu?He's even more restless than I am, man?Qihua doesn't want her to come out.With just this sentence, the mouth is like a dead clam, and it can no longer be knocked open.

Qihua doesn't want her to come out.How can it be?Didn't you look forward to the day when you got together with me in the letter?Uncle Heng must have said something that made her uneasy.Maybe he exaggerates the strangeness and strangeness of American life, or he just finds it troublesome and cumbersome, and fears that his nephew and daughter-in-law will stay in his apartment.This is treating a gentleman with the heart of a villain. When I got the keys from Mi Zhaosheng yesterday, I asked him to take care of the apartment. I also bought a copy of "China Times" and cut out the rental advertisement. I plan to go with Qihua when I have time. find a house.Selfish and withdrawn like Uncle Heng, even his wife couldn't stand him, he couldn't die on a hunger strike, he just turned on the gas and committed suicide, who would want to live with him forever?

Poor little aunt, such a beauty, her figure is always like a young girl, her eyes are like the ocean on a moonlit night, unfathomable, mysterious and magical, it makes people's hearts shake when she sees it, and she never has the courage to face it squarely.Met with an unkind person, got divorced and married Uncle Heng, and went to Chicago to live a deteriorating life. I must have regretted seeing the wrong person during my lifetime.The Chinese circle in New York in the early days should have known that he was romantic and not doing business properly, but the poor little aunt actually married him!

It was my first business trip to the United States, and at a reception at the United Nations, I met someone who worked with Uncle Heng in the Global Trading Company in the 1940s.According to him, during the hottest days of the War of Resistance Against Japan, Chinese students studying abroad poured in donations to save the country, but Uncle Heng pursued the wife of his immediate boss.Before Hu Weiheng and Jin Yong got married, hey, they were famous perverts!The implication of this gentleman's words is that Uncle Heng has changed from evil to righteousness.God only knows.If this is the case, why did the little aunt commit suicide?

Keeping talking about open marriage is nothing more than a grandiose excuse for smuggling wild food.In the 1960s, I didn't live in Taiwan for a few days, and the fox's tail couldn't hide.Slipping around Ximending all day long to look at girls, leaving my wife to my nephews and students to greet them.It's not much better in America.I went to Chicago with Lixing to see him, but there was no one there all day long.It is said that he was too busy trading stocks to put the responsibility of hospitality on his wife and students.For more than ten years, he has been the only family member who can see him face to face. Every time he comes to the United States for a meeting, he always rushes to see him, but he doesn't take it seriously.Cold-blooded and lonely.Cynicism towards peers, and contempt for the younger generation.After teaching all his life, only one Niu Xianli regarded him as a teacher.Most of them are still directed at the little aunt instead of looking at the monk's face to look at the Buddha's face.I have never seen a student like Niu Xianli, who loves and cares for his teacher's wife so much that he is so considerate. He not only goes in and out of the room, but also obediently accompany her to the department store, carrying things for her.At one time, I suspected that he had an unrequited love for my little aunt, but later I heard that he had a girlfriend, got married soon, and still cared about Uncle Heng, so I believed that he was a sincere person out of respect for his teacher.For example, he is busy with work and has no time to watch movies, but finds time to pick up the plane.Uncle Heng took it for granted, and looked out of the car window with a long face, as if he was a taxi driver who was always on call, what an exaggeration!It's a pity that Niu Xianli is shrewd and capable, but he can't see through the teacher's personality.

When I was a child, I also admired Uncle Heng, thinking that he was tall, handsome, suave and suave, and he was sure to be favored by women.I complained that I didn't have his painting talent, and only worked hard to write poems under his encouragement, and when I heard his praise, I would be so grateful that I shed tears.I once learned how he looked around when he walked, and sympathized with his marriage that had no free love.It wasn't until I saw him and a young lady making love to each other on a boat in the West Lake that the idol in my heart cracked.After returning home, I finally realized the existence of my aunt.A woman who does not please her husband is simply inhuman in front of her parents-in-law, and will never look up to the sky.She had to endure the sneering from her aunt and the negligence of her servants.Uncle has a good name, he flaunts his generosity to the outside world, but he is harsh and stingy to the younger generation, he frequently reprimands him with a stern face, and brings out Confucius and Mencius to oppress others; his private life is corrupt, pampering Aunt Tian.Aunt Tian also had an affair with the servant on the pretext of asking for a child.The house was so smoky that the uncle had a long fast, which in turn vented his anger on the daughter-in-law.In this kind of home, I couldn't bear to run away, but my aunt endured it all her life.As soon as Uncle Heng left, he ignored him for decades. If it wasn't for the death of my aunt, I'm afraid he wouldn't have thought of going back to visit her.How can a person who disregards getting married and having a wife be expected to appreciate the faithfulness of others?I don't trust anyone, and now I really don't know how to clean up this situation.

Teacher Hu, do you still want to go to the mainland again? Along the way, this was Niu Xianli's third attempt to break the silence. No, I'm too tired. Squeezing out a short sentence as if squeezing toothpaste, he immediately turned around and went out the window.On the profile face, there was still no ripples like stagnant water. Traveling is a very painful thing. Teacher Hu must be tired after staying for a whole month. Uncle Heng didn't say anything.It was not until he got out of the car at the door of the apartment that he thanked him and announced in an excuse: I haven't closed my eyes for two days, and I am very sleepy.

You have a good rest, I won't bother you.Niu Xianli said goodbye wisely: I went to pick up Aila and came back and haven't met my daughter face to face yet.Come to see you tomorrow night and give you a warm welcome. Uncle Heng didn't respond.Jing Han was grateful for Xianli's sympathy and help, so he was obliged to act as the host. I'll be the host, and Mr. Niu's entire family will be honored. Thank you generously first, go to open the trunk, and take out Uncle Heng's travel bag. I'm divorced, brother Hu, and now I'm alone.My daughter lives with her mother, and it's my turn to visit relatives on weekends.

Xianli said it lightly, but Jing Han still nodded his head and expressed sympathy. In the past few years in the United States, I always met one or two divorced compatriots.It has always been thought that Americans have a high divorce rate, but now the divorce rate of overseas Chinese has come from behind.A talented person like Niu Xianli has a successful career and treats people with enthusiasm and sincerity, but his marriage is not happy.His enthusiasm is really touching, like yesterday when he called Mi Zhaosheng at his home, he immediately introduced him to a friend's house in Chinatown to watch two mainland movies.

Thinking of the movie, just as he was about to thank him, Uncle Heng had said see you tomorrow, picked up his bag and went up the steps. I'll mention it. Jing Han hastily said goodbye to Xianli, and rushed to take the travel bag.The bag is very light, and my uncle is still wearing the gray suit that is more than ten years old. It is hard to believe that this is the result of a month-long trip to the mainland. You only take this bag with you? When Uncle Heng went up a flight of stairs and stopped to catch his breath, he asked curiously. Leave the box to Jing Xian.I didn't buy anything, the Chinatown here has it all, and the goods are better and more complete.

This reminded him to get food first when entering the door.Anger turns to anger, seeing the exhausted old man, he still pulls himself up to take care of him. Uncle Heng eat first, or take a bath first? The pillows and blankets of Civil Aviation have a strong smell of hair oil. If you don't wash off the smell, you won't have an appetite. What do you want to eat? A glass of orange juice, a piece of bread with thick buttery peanut butter, four strips of fried bacon, and a pot of Lipton black tea must be hot to melt away the cold food and cold faces on the civil flight. Don't worry, Uncle Heng, it's a simple matter. When Uncle Heng went to take a shower, he opened the refrigerator.Seeing the fresh meat, cooked meat, vegetables, tofu, etc. stuffed on the upper and lower shelves, I couldn't help sighing.I bought so many things and waited for Qihua to make them, but now I have to rely on my uncle and nephew to solve them.I have lost my appetite because I can't meet people, and my uncle wants to eat western food. How can I get rid of these things? Qihua doesn't want her to come. If she doesn't want to come, it means that she wants me to go back? My heart shuddered, and my whole body suddenly stiffened like iron. Unexpectedly, this may be a united front tactic of the CCP! But this is impossible.Even just going back to see them was impossible. The government adhered to the Three No's Principle to deal with the propaganda campaign of peaceful reunification. It repeatedly refused to allow commerce, mail and air services, and even to visit relatives.In the past few years, the policy has been liberalized, and many people have traveled to the mainland via third countries.This summer, I hailed a taxi at Taipei Railway Station. On the way, the driver said that he had just returned from sightseeing in the mainland and visited Wuyi Mountain. The scenery is the best!The driver said, other things, well, Taiwan is better.There are taxis all over the island, but I can't hire a taxi on the mainland. When more people go to the mainland, the government turns one eye and closes the other.However, people with social status or political activities are treated differently. Because of their mutual interest in environmental protection, he became close friends with former legislator Wong Soon Hing.Out of curiosity, Shun Xing's daughter went to mainland China for two weeks of sightseeing. When she came back, she voluntarily surrendered and was sentenced to three years in prison. Another friend, Shi Jun, is a civil servant. When he received news that his mother was seriously ill, he desperately sneaked back via the United States to visit her.When I came back, I showed my friends photos of my relatives and friends in my hometown. Unfortunately, I was reported and sentenced to four years in prison.The life of his wife and children is barely maintained with the help of friends. Shi Jun is worried that he will be released from prison after serving his sentence, and he will not be able to return to the office as a supervisor. He is so anxious that he suffers from insomnia and relies on sleeping pills every day.Before coming to the United States, I visited Shi Jun in prison and gave him a bottle of sedative. He presides over a research institute by himself, and is also a government servant, how dare he defy the law by himself! Blasts of cold air pressed against him, making him shiver from the cold.Turns out the refrigerator door was left open.After he took out a box of bacon sticks, he quickly closed it. A shower washed away Uncle Heng's fatigue, and when he returned to the kitchen, eyes were already on his face. I am so happy to be back in the US, and I feel much happier taking a shower. The US is a place where I have to scold it all day long, but only after I go out for a few days do I discover its various benefits. It is really unparalleled in the world! Isn't this the case in Taiwan?He just smiled and didn't argue.I didn’t worry about pollution that day on the island, and I stayed up all night writing articles to condemn the destruction of the island by drugs, waste, pornographic violence, etc.Once you leave, you will feel as if you have lost something.The United States is indeed beautiful, but a land that cannot be participated is not kind no matter how beautiful it is. Do you want me to help? Uncle Heng was eager to show off his skills. It will be ready soon, you can read the letter.Lao Mi said, he will come to see you tomorrow, so he won't bother you today, and all the letters for a month are on the desk. Uncle Heng walked around the living room, then stepped into the kitchen in a hurry. Did you see that?The maple trees are in fall color!The tips of the leaves in the sun are all light red. Autumn comes early in San Francisco. He responded, pouring orange juice while thinking about how to ask Qihua about it. Do you still remember the sweet-scented osmanthus in West Lake?I revisited Manjuelong Village in the old place. There is a forest of flowers, and the fragrance is lingering for nine miles. It reminds people of the poem about the sound of the flower seller trying to sell flowers, and the fragrance of sweet-scented osmanthus all the way to the city.You left your hometown when you were too young, and you must have never seen the three hundred-year-old osmanthus Uncle Heng has grown old in Yilao, it seems that he is the only one who remembers things in his hometown, and he is the confidant of Osmanthus fragrans. Isn't it the three trees on the hillside opposite the South Peak? yes!It turns out that you still remember that they are still blooming lushly and fragrantly, they are really old and strong! Uncle Heng's expression of being drunk with flowers is like that of Uncle Weng.During his lifetime, his father and Uncle Weng became friends with sweet-scented osmanthus wine.One year, Uncle Weng came to Hangzhou for a meeting and took the son of the old man to visit Manjuelong. He had a bottle of old-fashioned osmanthus under his arm.Just as the osmanthus was setting in the middle of the month and the fragrance of the sky was floating in the sky, Uncle Weng was very drunk.Help him back to the hotel, and listen to him yelling all the way: You can teach a child! In the second year, he ran away from home and went to join him in Peiping. Chinese people are all fans of sweet-scented osmanthus.Back then in Wuchang, Qihua also liked sweet-scented osmanthus, and there was a golden osmanthus and a silver osmanthus at the door of her father-in-law's house.Whenever osmanthus is fragrant in the Mid-Autumn Festival, she will go to Guizi Mountain and come back with osmanthus branches full of arms. Americans don’t know how to appreciate sweet-scented osmanthus. They grow some laurel at best. The flowers are rare and the fragrance is weak. They only want it to bloom in four seasons, which is very boring. Woo Just when the kettle rang, it interrupted Uncle Heng's osmanthus sutra. He threw two tea bags into the teapot, poured boiling water, and served them to the table. Uncle Heng had already sat down, impatiently picked up a piece of crispy fried bacon, and put it in his mouth. According to Mr. New, you gave your aunt a very respectable funeral. When he sat down, he mentioned his aunt first, lest the old man gossip. This is her wish, and I will do it for her even if I am in debt. Qihua and the others know, right? I know, and I rushed to participate.Qihua and Chonghan came together.Don't worry, she has a letter and I'll give it to you later.After the funeral, I went to Wuhan with their mother and son, and then Jing Xian came to accompany me by boat to Nanjing, then changed trains to Wuxi, Suzhou, and went all the way to Shanghai.However, let's talk about things in my hometown another day. I'm too tired today, so I'm going to bed after filling my stomach.you don't eat? not hungry. He drank tea with Uncle Heng, thinking about Qihua's letter. How long will you stay in the US this time? Uncle Heng asked him. two weeks.Qihua didn't come, I might go back a few days earlier.The Institute is preparing a summary report on rice seed cultivation, which will be presented at the exchange meeting in Manila next month.My visit to three states in the Midwest this time is also related to this.I'll stop in Chicago for a layover. Is there anything Uncle Heng can ask me to do? The other party took a bite of peanut butter bread and was chewing with puffed cheeks.Hearing Chicago, he stopped immediately, frowned slightly, as if falling into deep thought, but nodded for a moment, resumed chewing, and took a sip of tea to speed up his swallowing. Maybe he should entrust himself to see his little aunt's grave. He guessed that Uncle Heng hadn't returned to Chicago for six years. If you have time, you must go to Jiegesen Park to see the scene of yellow leaves dancing in the autumn wind, which may arouse your poetic feeling! Looking at Uncle Heng's smile, he was surprised that the old man thought of poetry.After returning to my hometown, I must have picked up many memories of my teenage years, and I have turned back to my childhood. poetry.It was an old thing as remote and vague as ancient history. When I separated from my wife, it was buried at the same time, and now it has disappeared without a trace.I think I am used to reciting poems to my loved ones, but when I arrived in Taiwan, I didn't have anyone to meet, and my mood became dull, and I didn't even bother to buy a collection of poems.It is not unreasonable for Americans to call their spouse their other half.Lose your other half, the rest will no longer be the same.In the 1960s, the rise of modern poetry in Taiwan once brought back memories of the 1940s.But the past is over, he would rather bury his head in the rice seeds, seek truth and beauty from the land, rain, dew, and sunshine, and give up the modern poetry that hides emptiness and poverty with obscurity. It's unbelievable that Uncle Heng went to the mainland and talked about poetry.I never believed that time can really change a person, at least not Uncle Heng, nor myself.Only when it comes to poetry, this first love in boyhood will always cause some regrets.My heart seems to be pulled by a string, and I will sigh for no reason. Although I don't want to admit that old age is approaching, a Jiazi is most of my life after all.Today's me, I'm afraid, is different from the old me. He promised Uncle Heng: I will definitely take a look at the maple leaves in Jiegesen Park for you to see if they are more red than Wen Yiduo's time. Don't you immediately think of Wen Yiduo?Uncle Heng was proud of his foresight.It can be seen that the impulse of your early poetry has not been completely buried by the soil. He only smiled without refuting, let alone talking about poems and poets. Jing Han, you don't have to wash the dishes after cooking, this is my rule. After Uncle Heng finished eating, he leaned back in the chair and burped contentedly. He still washed the dishes.It's a breeze when you're used to being a bachelor.Just as I was about to smoke a cigarette, the owner issued an order to evict the guest. I'm going to sleep.What are you doing this afternoon? He booked a room at the Four Seasons Hotel and decided to spend the night there.Come back tomorrow morning.Uncle Heng needs sleep, and he needs to be alone.The shock of Qihua not coming needs time and tranquility to dissolve.Especially her letters, she was even more reluctant to read them in front of the elderly. Uncle Heng seemed to understand what he was thinking, and dawdled until he picked out a change of clothes and was about to go out with a 007 suitcase, before handing him a letter and a pair of black-faced white-soled cloth shoes. See you tomorrow, Jing Han. Like splashed water, he was shut out of the apartment by Uncle Heng's words. Carrying a small box in one hand, cloth shoes in the other, and a letter in his suit pocket, he stood outside the gate, looking at the asphalt road that was whitened by the autumn sun, his mind was as dim as his eyes. He didn't know where to go. Can't go to Four Seasons.The honeymoon suite that was booked for the reunion with Qihua after a long absence, lacked the courage to enter alone at this moment.I can't bear the desolation and loneliness of the room full. He had to find a place where he could quietly read the letters and vent his disappointment slowly.It can not only avoid the loneliness and suffocation of being in a small room, but also avoid the threat of expulsion from coffee shops within a limited time.Isn't the contradiction of loving tranquility and fearing tranquility a symbol of aging? The sound of noisy cars from the end of the street reminded him that it was noon.I went to the airport without eating early, and I needed to supplement some nutrition at noon anyway.In this area that is said to be the new Chinatown, there is a restaurant that sells beef noodles, and the taste is similar to the street stalls in Taipei.He forced himself to walk towards the restaurant. When approaching Jili Avenue, the hand holding the shoe retracted into the pocket, still holding on tightly.There are dense stitches at the fingers, and the scene of fibrous hands picking needles and threads under the oil lamp back then is vivid in front of my eyes.Inside the whitishly washed blue cloth cheongsam is a frail body; lowering his head and biting the thread, a lock of jet-black bangs hangs down, so black that it makes one's heart wander.I bought two pairs of soles early, and only had time to buy a pair of uppers in time for delivery.Put it on and go, she said, I will send you another pair later. After this, how many times I had expected it would mean thirty-four years and four months! His middle finger slid along the rows of convoluted stitches.The big circle surrounds the small circle, enveloping the soles of the feet layer by layer.He suddenly felt his heart tighten, and hastily withdrew his hand, spread out his palm and stared.It turns out that the stitches on the soles are the magnification of the fingerprints.Thinking of Qihua's life, how could she not break out of the encirclement like this stitch?He couldn't help feeling sad. While waiting for the beef noodles in the restaurant, he lit a cigarette and smoked, and as he took it out, his hand touched the envelope in his pocket.It was thick and bulging, and he didn't have the courage to continue reading. Restaurant is too noisy.It was the weekend, and the Chinese brought the old and the young out to drink tea.There were no empty seats in the hall, and the Chinese-speaking faces seemed to be back in Taipei. Excuse me, where did you buy your cloth-soled kung fu shoes? A man in his thirties at the next table suddenly asked him in English. He looked down at the shoes protruding from his pocket, and replied apologetically: I didn't buy them, my wife sewed them herself. It turned out that the other party said enviously: I bet, these are the most comfortable shoes in the world! well said! At that time, when I went to my father-in-law's house to bid farewell wearing cloth shoes, I was struggling, full of the mood of fleeing from the temple in a hurry.This benefactor and loving father, on the one hand, encouraged him to leave Hubei and go to Taiwan, but he himself participated in the school protection movement and insisted on staying.In the 1950s, he could not escape the attack of the rightists, so he died with hatred.It is indeed a tragedy that the intellectuals of this generation have come to such an end.They don't believe in Marxism-Leninism, they just go to the doctor in a hurry, and reluctantly regard it as a folk remedy to save China from danger, and they can discard it at any time if it doesn't work.However, how are literati different from pebbles in politics? Being a Chinese is already a disaster. The teacher once lamented that being a Chinese literati in the 1940s is even more doomed! He taught Chinese, but encouraged his beloved students to change careers. At that time, Southwest Associated University was in a time of student unrest, and individual professors were also involved in the anti-civil war movement, giving speeches, parades, and demonstrations with students.The government's prohibition was ineffective, and the military and police were forced to arrest people. As a result, even greater protests were triggered, resulting in a vicious circle. It was in that situation that I felt powerless and hopeless about literature.After the victory of the Anti-Japanese War, he resolutely followed his teacher to Wuhan, and then abandoned literature and started farming. In the second year, Wen Li was assassinated in Kunming, and the teacher's words unfortunately made sense. The teacher tells no lies.When agreeing to the marriage, explain: My daughter lost her mother in her early years, but she still knows the etiquette.I couldn't bear to remarry because of her, she gave up her college degree to take care of me.She can't be your partner in business, but she can be a good housemate to save you from worries. A woman with no real property, in the turbulent era, fulfilled the responsibility of raising her daughter alone, and took the mother's place as the father, raising the children for the third generation. The hard work involved is extremely hard, is it a title of a good wife and mother? Can words and phrases such as greatness be expressed in case? I didn't do any duties as a husband and father, but I became a grandfather smoothly. Since I got the family letter, I have been grateful and guilty.If Qihua asked her to go back out of love and justice, how could she refuse? The letter in the pocket seemed to be turned into a lead, so heavy that he couldn't straighten up. I have never regarded Taiwan as my hometown. More than 30 years have passed in the blink of an eye, and now I suddenly feel inseparable from it.I am used to Taiwan's way of life. I have everything I need, and I am free to enter and exit. It is a small country with a large population, and the whole island can be involved in a big issue. Everyone is willing to give up this kind of life to adapt to another system. unimaginable. He loves his work, whether in the African jungle or subtropical southern Taiwan, as long as he steps on the ground, he will feel full and happy.From Keelung, a rainy port at the northern tip, to Eluanbi, which inserts into the Pacific Ocean, the footprints are almost all over the island.The research institute expanded from a Japanese-style house can appear in the papers at the international conference today, and the glory contains every bit of my hard work. Love from colleagues, respect and support from officers, these are all precious friendships.Acquaintances and friends of similar age and experience are now either high-ranking officials or have made a fortune in business.He was never envious.In his line of work, the greatest satisfaction is to be recognized and praised for experiments and achievements.He insisted on staying out of politics.When he was promoted to the post of director, someone reported that he had taken Wen Yiduo's Tang Poetry class in the Southwest United University, so he was suspected of being a bandit.The secretary-general of the party department who was born as a farmer once stepped forward to guarantee him and averted a disaster.Since then, he has become more distant and cautious about politics. I am a person who is not good at talking, but through articles, I have made friends with thousands of consumers.Due to work, I have noticed problems such as soil erosion, pesticide pollution, acid rain, and carcinogenic chemicals very early on.In terms of pollution removal and environmental protection, at first they fought alone; there are only a few people with a heart, such as Huang Shunxing and Chai Songlin.Now there are more people who are concerned about it. Consumer magazines are set up to monitor and identify the food products launched by manufacturers spontaneously and automatically.People in Taiwan not only pursue food and clothing, but also devote themselves to improving the quality of life, maintaining ecological balance, and avoiding further pollution of the environment.The pressure from the public opinion made the government no longer able to stand idly by, so the Environmental Protection Bureau was established, and bills were passed to gradually pay attention to the welfare of consumers.Some of these jobs are just in the ascendant, and some are just getting started. How can I leave the team? Would you like some tea? The Cantonese waiter took the opportunity to pour the ashes to the guest, hinting him in a disguised form that the restaurant was closing. He found that he was the last guest, so he doubled the tip, picked up the suitcase under his feet and stepped out of the restaurant. I remember the last time I came to this restaurant with Uncle Heng to eat noodles, and then walked south along Fifth Street, and soon arrived at Golden Gate Bridge Park.He is now going down the old road. On weekends, the park is much more lively, with cars parked along the main road, and tourists jogging or strolling from time to time.The boulevard is still deserted.While walking alone, I can't help but miss the crowds on the streets of Taipei.Walking through a street, often bump into one or two familiar faces.I usually complain that the population is too dense, but if I really want to cut it off with a knife, I feel panic in my heart. I have never missed and nostalgic for the life on that island as much as I am now, which shows that I have fallen in love with that land deeply.It is precisely because of this that we can't bear to see the destruction and pollution of resources, and the alarm bells sounded urgently.People and land can be in love for a long time, and they are connected by flesh and blood. Qihua has never lived in Taiwan, how can she understand all this? He dragged his heavy feet and walked past the Diyang Art Museum.Seeing that there were few tourists in front of the open-air music stage next to it, he walked in. The art museum and a science museum face each other from north to south, with a large tree-lined square in the middle, separated by three fountains.The bandstand sits west and faces east, facing the statue of the author of the American national anthem across a row of fountains.All the trees are trimmed into candlesticks, with one trunk standing on top of another.Among them, the broad leaves of the sycamore were dyed dark yellow and light brown after early frost, and they were as rich and gorgeous as flower baskets in the autumn sun. There is an endless stream of tourists at the entrance of the Art Museum and Science Museum.There are also tourists resting near the fountain in the square.Only these dozens of rows of green-painted benches are seldom visited, like a forgotten corner.There are three or two passengers, all of whom are elderly people. Honey, stop running, let's rest our legs. As soon as he took his seat, an old white lady walking a dog walked by him, coaxing her pet softly all the way.The little bulldog seemed to have just escaped from the cage, and it spread its legs and ran happily between the bench and tree roots, ignoring the owner's voice at all. I said stop running baby I gotta sit down The old lady begged to be invalid, so she sat down near the bandstand.The head with the flowered handkerchief is still moving back and forth following the running pets. A flock of seagulls descended from the sky and swaggered on the concrete bandstand, showing off their gray and shiny feathers that had been tanned by the Pacific sea breeze and the sun.They are bigger than the seagulls in Taiwan, much like the geese in the south of the Yangtze River. There was a rare coughing sound, and he looked around. An old man with an oriental face was sitting on the farthest bench on the left.After the old man cleared his throat, he closed his eyes, remained motionless, and fell asleep. He looked back, took out the letter in his pocket, weighed it in his hand, and then bit open the envelope.Under the shade of the plane tree, he read his wife's letter: Brother Han Ruhao: You must be very disappointed and sad that you didn't see me and Uncle Heng come to the United States.Believe me, I am not afraid of life in the United States and Taiwan.Brother Han, you must know that I have endured unspeakable pain just for the belief that my husband and wife will meet again one day. How can I be afraid of the United States and Taiwan, which everyone envies?I made this decision after calm thinking and for the future happiness of the whole family. I have spent many days with Uncle Heng and learned about your life experience and work achievements over the past 30 years. I am proud of you, Brother Han.In particular, you have never reorganized your family. I am deeply moved and comforted.We have been married for thirty-eight years. Now that our children are grown up and our grandson is in middle school, you and I are still alive. My life is full of regrets and quite satisfied. Uncle Heng said, Ms. Yang has a deep affection for you, she is sincere, and she has devoted herself to guarding you for many years.I am very willing to divorce to fulfill you. Brother Han, at our age, our status is like floating clouds, dispensable, but love is like heaven, that is the most real and eternal, and my aunt is also divorced, but it does not prevent her from serving her in-laws, raising children and grandchildren, and always Uncle finally came back to die for her.Brother Han, I am still your wife, and this life will not change.One day you can come back, this will always be your home. You do a lot of things in Taiwan, things that benefit the people.With Miss Yang's knowledge and ability, she will definitely be able to help you a lot.I believe she is a beautiful and virtuous person, and I am happy for you and at ease. In five more years, you can retire, and I hope you guys will come back and check it out.I will try to live until that day.Brother Han, you probably know the catastrophic years we went through. There were times when I really didn’t want to live, especially during the first few years of the Cultural Revolution.Once, the rope was already around my neck, and I suddenly thought that I couldn't say goodbye to you, let you know that I have been waiting for you for twenty years, I am really unwilling!With such a resentment, I gritted my teeth and endured it.Now, I have even more beautiful reasons to live strong.I will cherish my body, strengthen exercise, and make myself live a long and healthy life. There is some truth in saying that I am afraid of going to the United States.The main reason is that they are reluctant to part with relatives and friends who have lived with them for most of their lives.Uncle Mei’s family on Luojia Mountain, they have never stopped caring for me and the children after my father died.And Grandma Pei, whom I only met when I moved to Hankou, stood up to speak for me when I was criticized, and she did not hesitate to be labeled as having lost her class position.When I was injured, someone I didn’t know would apply the wound, and the door panel was removed and carried to the hospital overnight to treat Brother Han. I have too many friends who have shared hardships here, and I am reluctant to leave them. I am also reluctant to part with Wei Hua and my two grandchildren, although they have repeatedly encouraged me to go abroad.Last month, Wei Hua was rated as a model teacher and received a certificate and bonus.The son-in-law was promoted to an engineer at the beginning of the year, and he wrote to you at that time to tell you that he recently joined the party, which is said to reflect the result of the central government’s implementation of the policy on intellectuals.The party secretary of Wei Hua's middle school also approached her twice, but our daughter didn't want to join the party. She didn't say anything, but she had her own views on the political and social situation in the past thirty years.As the eldest daughter, coupled with the difficult environment, she has developed a cautious but resolute character.She has no objection to the divorce, and she always hopes that her father will be happy in his later years. Weihua is very good, we don't need to worry about it.Chong Han makes me worry, I hope you can help him. Chonghan is thirty-four this year and has not yet married.In the eight years since I settled down in Heilongjiang, I refused to get married because I wanted to go back to Wuhan.In the past few years, he was transferred back to Hankou, worked and studied in a cigarette factory, and had no intention of making a girlfriend.After graduating from TV University, his sister introduced him to a partner, but he was still not interested. It was only later that he wanted to study abroad.At this age, he didn't have a family, not to mention that relatives and friends talked about it, and the girl's family also thought he was strange.In fact, mothers know best that this child has a pure heart and has never been willing to be sorry or drag others down. I heard that you often write articles in Taiwan, and Xiaohan also likes to write. Here, writing articles is the most prone to accidents. When political movements come, even diaries may cause death.He was afraid that I would be worried, so he wrote to their friends under a pseudonym.Three years ago, they heard that they were free to run publications, so they launched a publication called "The Bell" to advocate modernization, and soon launched "Wild Grass".Later, the editor-in-chief was detained and the publication was banned. Since then, I have never seen him writing articles all night, but I heard him say that he would go abroad to study. Uncle Heng said that there are many schools in San Francisco, and a nearby city is a computer center.Han'er is very diligent and likes to do things since he was a child.When he was in the Northeast, he once bred sorghum and soybean varieties for the production team, and was praised by the county.The year before last, he installed a black and white TV for his friend, and it is said that the effect is not bad.He is willing to work and study part time to reduce the burden on his father.I hope you can fulfill the wish of our mother and son.I hope my son can go out, and I am willing to sacrifice everything in exchange for his going abroad.Exams for studying abroad are difficult, and age is a hurdle, but going abroad to visit relatives is very easy, Brother Han, you just need to send a letter saying that you want to pick him up for a meeting, and you can apply for a passport.I want nothing more than your help with this.I believe that you will not disappoint us. If you need any divorce certificates, please write to instruct me, and I will do so. I still remember that you love to wear cloth shoes. I planned to make two pairs of shoes for your sixty-year-old birthday. Unexpectedly, my aunt passed away, and I accompanied my uncle to Wuhan after the funeral. Now I only have time to buy a pair of uppers.Thirty-four years ago, you walked away in a hurry, and you left the soles of your two shoes unfinished.However, this time I will definitely send it to you, and I am no longer afraid of having nowhere to post it. Remember the "Red Candle" that your father gave you?Like all books, it was confiscated during the Cultural Revolution.You used to like to recite to me the most, but now I only remember two verses from "Red Bean": Lover! use me as a thread, You make the weft, Destiny weaves our marriage; But one frame back to Wenjin! Looking horizontally is lovesickness, It looks like lovesickness, By the way, it's lovesickness, It looks like lovesickness, Looking sideways is lovesickness, No matter how you look at it, you can't see the word reunion. We are one! our union, At least it is as perfect as the earth. But you are from the Eastern Hemisphere, I am from the Western Hemisphere, We shed our tears again, Made this vast Pacific Ocean, cut ourselves off. Do you remember the next section?In the past few years, my memory has been poor and my eyes are presbyopic. In order to read newspapers for neighbors on the street, I have to change my glasses every other year.Hope everything is fine with you.Uncle Heng said that you smoked so much that you couldn't quit, and hoped that you would smoke less.Take care of your body. At this age, health is the most important thing. May you and Miss Yang be safe and happy Qihua was written in Hankou October 6, 1983 After reading the letter, my vision was blurred.He took off his glasses, took out a handkerchief to wipe the corners of his eyes, and wiped the lenses again. Good girl, I knew you were obedient, dear When the old lady coaxed the puppy to her face, she was struggling to turn her body around, bending over to pick up her beloved pet. A breeze passed by, followed by a leaf.It brushed the back of the green-painted chair, then rolled over and fell.It is a golden sycamore leaf, clinging to the soil. His heart swelled like a balloon, and it was churning like a wave, unable to find a landing point. 憂鬱已被羞恥所取代，背叛的罪惡感是一隻巨掌，把自己推入良心的深淵。昏眩的腦袋是漩渦，汩汩冒出的是委屈和不滿的泡沫。 他不想為自己洗刷罪名或推卸責任，自己受什麼懲罰都行，但是萬萬不該傷害到綺華。綺華，吃盡人間苦難的賢慧妻子，她是無懈可擊的。 可恨的是恆叔，底事干卿卻來攪渾一池春水！在美國生活了半個世紀，居然沒養成自掃門前雪的習慣，豈非咄咄怪事！ 這個心思骯髒的老人，一生不知追過多少女人，拋棄元配，氣死再婚的，卻有臉拿侄子僅有的一次婚外愛情去告密。這老人，十足是小人！ why?envy.看不得別人夫妻分離卅多載，不婚不嫁地等著對方，於是頑童似地投一粒石子，攪出一場風波。忍心讓綺華傷心失望，巴不得看她卅多年的期待毀於一旦。 毀了！自己這幾十年來對妻兒的思念，啊，那刻骨銘心的懷念，那些違反人性的克制時刻如今都前功盡棄。綺華眼中，我成了負心郎。 divorce.她是真心，還是賭氣呢？ 他把信又重讀了一遍。 沒錯，她要離婚留在漢口，換取兒子出國，並成全自己和力行，使自己在大陸和臺灣都有家。 兩個家。像中國一樣，兩個分裂的家庭。 時代是進步著，婚姻倒未必。廿世紀的王寶釧苦守寒窯要加倍地長久，但八十年已非薛仁貴回窯的日子，大登殿和妻妾雙全的結局畢竟是戲劇而非現實人生。 這封信要他成家，她哪知六年前的第一封信，恰恰阻止了自己成家的計劃。 那是夏初的晚上，力行到南部出差，自己下了班便去政大找蔡民校正一篇稿子。 力行不在吧？Of course I know!她爸爸剛從我們家走掉嘛。來來，你不用回家報到，我們喝酒長聊它一晚！ 蔡民當下呼妻喚子去備來酒菜和香菸。兩人都是寫文章的同志，碰在一起常常藉故開懷痛飲。 我說景漢老弟，你和力行生活過來幾年了，大家感情不錯，何不補辦個手續？ 這已經是第二次提議，八成是剛走的楊老暗示過。 就算你有一天等到了太太的消息，還在人世，沒有再婚，那又能怎麼樣呢？海峽兩岸如此對立，這種對峙局面，我看會長久拖下去。你堅持下去就沒意思了。你也認識應志高，原先也要等，看看不行就娶了個寶島姑娘，前天告訴我，兒子讀初一啦！ 蔡民又舉了幾個例子，說來說去，自己成了僅知的一個頑拒重婚者。 你跟自己過不去不打緊，蔡民已酒酣耳熱，扯大了喉嚨打抱起不平來，人家楊力行已三十出頭好幾了！這樣耗下去，怎麼對得起女家？ 這才是當頭棒喝，一記悶棍似地擊中要害之所在。 七十年代的台北，男女同居已成風尚。他們的情形，主動雖在力行，但他也不可推卸責任。自己喜歡力行，但如果同居已引起女方和她家人的不安，他一定要採取行動，不急流勇退便該公證結婚。 結婚可以不必張揚，蔡民為他設想得很周到，請一桌酒，正式拜見岳父母大人就行了，左右是個形式嘛！ 他卻要為力行辦得大方些，多請幾桌，把雙方的友好都請來。由於力行與年紀大廿歲的人約會，又放棄留學美國的機會而賦同居，父親勸阻無效，已有幾年不見女兒；社交場合上，碰到景漢也掉頭他顧，連蔡民打圓場也無效。力行是長女，自小最得父親寵愛。幾年不回木柵的家，原因固多，自己究竟難辭其咎。他希望藉一頓喜酒取得楊老諒解，使父女倆和好如初。 Hurrah!媒人、主婚、司儀、雜務全包在我身上了，你就做個現成的新郎官！ 蔡民拍著胸脯包攬下一切，比自己娶媳婦還興奮。當晚，兩個人喝得酩酊大醉，自己怎麼回家的，至今已記不起來。 只記得第二天趕去上班時，打開信箱便看到恆叔轉來的信。 你這頑皮的姑娘，跑那兒去啦？ 小狗幾時掙脫了老太太的懷抱，害得她顛巍巍地掙扎著站起身，來回地挪動著那覆著花帕的一頭霜髮。 心肝寶貝，到處亂跑可是要闖禍的 小狗繞著樹根和板凳亂轉，逗得主人跟著團團轉，一邊聊勝於無地警告著。 那天，自己抱著頭在辦公室內繞室而走，也曾如此狼狽過。 初讀家書的心情，不亞於夫妻隔世再會。狂烈的驚喜伴隨著宿命論似的癱瘓感覺，以致腳踩在水泥地上，只覺得是地在走路。一切太突然，突然得令人倉皇失措。自己如同是一棵連根拔起的稻秧，不知將被栽於何處。 妻子為自己守了二十八載，兒女已長大成人，自己還做了祖父，一家大小平安。五十開外的人，復有何求？ 可嘆這消息來得太遲，生生隔了二十八載，自己差些鑄成大錯。既然如此延誤，又何必不再遲來幾天，乾脆木已成舟 他但願妻子改嫁了，免去自己如此進退兩難。為此，他感到羞恥、僥倖、安慰、遺憾像打翻了調味瓶，五味俱全，獨缺單純的喜悅。今生，怕是再無這種福氣了。 當天，他請了生平第一天假。在力行回家前，他把自己的東西搬出她的公寓，留下三把鑰匙，一張字條和滿腔的歉意。晚上，他又回到木柵。請了蔡民陪自己上楊家，親自向楊老請罪。 楊老顯然很失望，但仍然肯定了他的決定，還說他有勇氣慧劍斬情絲。 情絲真能斬得斷？ 搬個家容易，要忘記那前後住過七八年之久的公寓和它的主人，比忘掉自己還難。 力行回來後見到字條有什麼感受，他無從知曉。她父親與自己倒成了朋友，不但加入消費者文教基金會，而且義務做宣傳和募捐。偶爾見了面，什麼都能談，獨不提女兒一句。 可能是時空拉近，對力行的想念竟比五十年代時懷念綺華還要殷勤迫切。這種想念也有不同，綺華屬於心靈深處，力行已是身體的一部分，割開了便鮮血淋漓，難以彌合。幾次手已拿起電話，終因慚愧又明知無望而怏怏放下。眼睜睜看著幸福從指縫中溜走，那種痛苦幾幾乎等於自殺。 他也為力行擔心。她大學畢業後不久，熱戀四年的男友忽然娶了官家女，幾乎使她對男人失去了信心。如今，不知她可經受得住這場打擊？雖然性格倔強又精明能幹，他知道，力行的內心深處是個十足的女人。 他曾想託人給她作媒，但側面打聽之後，便發現此路難通。近千萬人口的大台北，五十歲左右且宜室宜家的男子近於零，而中年的單身女郎、學識和工作條件俱佳的比比皆是。力行結婚機會的微小，大大加重了他的歉疚感。 入冬，第一次寒流來襲的夜晚，他終於熬不住，跑到她公寓門口張望。窗戶漆黑，她不在家。在巷子裡徘徊到午夜，才看到有人開車送她回來。她被攙扶著送進了大門，顯然已喝得半醉。窗戶亮了，不久又歸於黑暗。他已凍得四肢僵硬，勉強走出巷口，招了一部計程車回去。 路上，他罵自己膽怯懦弱，但也無可奈何。 不久，蔡民傳來了她去美國唸書的消息。 十個留美的學生有九個九不歸的，他相信自己是永遠失去力行了。雖是惆悵，也減輕了一些精神負擔。 從此，他集中心思到工作上，夜以繼日地工作，閒暇時便以思念妻兒來填補精神上的空白。 隔了卅年，綺華的音容已經糢糊淡忘，依靠通信才逐漸塑起新的影像。這有些像沙灘上堆砌的城堡，雖然壯觀，總覺得不夠踏實。給妻子寫信時，力行的影子不時闖進眼簾。他不忍拂趕，聽任時間去沖淡這一段感情。 三年前，他從東南亞開會回來。有一天在辦公室裏接到力行的電話。 在報上看到你回來的消息了。晚上我在國賓飯店有應酬，九點可以結束。到時來接我好嗎？大廳裏見！ 簡單扼要，透著不可抗拒的威嚴，如同隔著對講機給秘書下吩咐一般。 大廳裏見！ 他也一口答應，就像以往接她電話時，那般的合作無間。 掛上電話，癱在椅背上倒呆愣了半天。居然沒想到問她，何時學成返台，在何處高就？更沒考慮到，辛苦築成的堤防一旦打開個缺口，便有全面崩潰的可能。 我們可以做個朋友，他為自己辯解，也應該做個朋友。 那天晚上，力行又回到自己的懷抱。 自那以來，他便生活在矛盾中。 對力行，他沒有隱瞞過什麼，連接眷來美再輾轉來台的計劃也告訴她。 可能是由於對妻子的愧疚，他把自己的感情補償在力行身上，對她加倍地憐惜。他不為自己需索，但在她需要安慰時，一定全力以赴，然而，死灰復燃之後的愛情卻像一杯藥酒，燒心又割喉，偶爾在一起時，兩人像活在借來的時間裏，難分難捨，又戰戰兢兢。即使在肉體焚毀的一剎那，鬧鐘計時的滴答聲響仍然縈繞耳際。 你為什麼不能騙騙我？ 她有一次埋怨地問他。 自己能說什麼呢？男女之間，不就貴在能赤誠相對？ 去冬，寒流侵襲的夜晚，自己接到電話趕去看她。撲進懷裏先就是一陣啜泣。 我不要你來的真是犯賤啊！ 他又能說什麼呢？整整大她廿歲，一隻腳已經深埋進暮靄昏黃的地帶裏，他尚且無法自拔，何況是她！ 現在的力行，成家的機會更加渺茫。身挾賓夕凡尼亞大學的企管碩士，憑著以往新聞界和進出口貿易的經驗，加上自己的才幹和苦幹，從一家大公司的公關主任又擢升為董事長的機要秘書。由於董事長是臺灣十大財閥之一的法定繼承人，他的秘書一躍而為公司裏炙手可熱的人物。眼下，奉承者趨之若鶩，但君子好逑的少之又少。 力行可以做個好妻子，也有漠視名利地位和年紀的勇氣。可惜的是，功利和工商化的台北社會，使得許多男人患上陽痿症，對著一個真正的女子，他們只能假裝看不見。 眼看著力行的終身大事正在時間的巨流中逆水行舟，他特別懊恨自己。為什麼不狠下心來一刀兩斷？如今既對不起綺華，又負了力行。 他不知道，少年時代的果敢決斷，現在何以消失無蹤。十三歲能離家出走，七七事變後又毅然扛起槍和日本鬼子拼命的人，在海島蟄居半生後，竟無法斬斷一把情絲。 他不得不承認自己老了，年紀使人意志衰弛而且安於現狀。他是一隻駝鳥：深深埋下了頭，也假裝著看不到現狀。 為了向綺華贖罪，這幾年他刻苦地儉省。希望省夠錢，讓妻子在美國等待入臺簽證的五年中，能生活得寬裕舒適。也希望另外省出一筆錢，在台中訂一個小公寓，將來兩老安度餘年。 這就是他給自己設想的未來，一切維繫在綺華身上，她出來了，不但夫妻團圓，自己和力行的孽緣也可不斷自斷。 如今，綺華卻反其道而行，不肯出來，而且要求離婚。 這最後一張王牌，竟變成一隻燙手山芋，又丟回到自己手上。 what do I do? he asked himself. 手伸進口袋想掏菸，觸及剛放回去的信紙，又連忙抽回。 實在戒不掉，希望你少抽些。 綺華遠隔著太平洋彼岸，仍在諄諄告誡。 不信還有誰比他更明白吸菸的危害。陷於矛盾和痛苦中的人，又怎麼拒絕這個鴉片呢？ 他們這些鼓吹環境保護運動的人，原先有不少是癮君子。蔡民以身作則戒了菸，現在經常寫文章呼籲禁止香菸廣告。力行沒戒成，但減少了抽菸次數。獨有他，向來無動於衷。 你就不想長壽？ 力行甚至對他用了激將法。 長壽健康如恆叔，孤家寡人一個，又怎麼樣呢？ 他知道，這是一種變相的自暴自棄，連自己都解說不清。 綺華仍然在期待著會面的一天，並為此而愛惜身體，加強鍛鍊。 what should I do? 他苦苦思索著，想不出答案。 起風了，拂面涼颼颼的。傘蓋密的梧桐葉一陣戰抖，又落下兩片黃葉。 在音樂台上踱步的海鷗已無蹤影，剩下一大片灰乎乎的水泥地。台後的叢林整個吞沒了陽光，使得樹蔭下的看台一片陰暗肅森。 老太太和狗也走了。幾十排的板凳上只剩下自己和左首那個老頭子。 陽光正棄老人而去，他早戴上帽子，縮著頭，手依舊拄著拐杖打盹兒。整個下午，他似乎就維持著這個坐姿。不同的是他現在睡得張大了嘴，像畫了個大問號可是問蒼天，這一大把的時間該如何排遣？ 兩個展覽館的門口，遊客正紛紛離去。 景漢站起來，轉身望一眼廣場。 三個噴水池沐浴在夕陽中，水柱反射著陽光，亮得歡欣鼓舞。除了中央一座尚有三兩個遊人外，頭尾兩座已是人去水自流的情景。 不，靠近自己的噴水池邊，棲著一隻海鷗。它伸長了脖子，望望這一頭，又張張那一頭，似乎在找尋它的伴侶。水珠濺在它羽毛上，像撒下一把碎鑽，晶亮耀眼。 望著孤獨的海鷗，他的心感到一陣悸動。 記不起《紅豆》的全部內容，但《孤雁篇》的頭一節卻呼之欲出： 不幸的失群的孤客！ 誰教你拋棄了舊侶， 拆散了陣字， 流落到這水國底絕塞， 拚著寸磔的愁腸， 泣訴那無邊的酸楚？ 俄頃，海鷗展翅飛去。 他怏怏地提起箱子，離開了廣場。 那晚，在旅館中，他服下鎮靜劑早早上了床。 早上到恆叔公寓時，恆叔剛晨跑回來，身著短褲和布鞋，正在燒咖啡。屋裏散發著一股淡淡的焦香味。 恆叔幫著他把一隻大箱和手提箱安頓在客廳的角落裏。 來，嚐嚐景先送的海南島咖啡，吃過早點沒有？ have eaten. 正隨恆叔走向廚房時，忽然發現沙發背後的牆上多出一張水彩畫。沒有裱的畫稿，四角用圖釘固定。畫的是一橋橫江而過，背後群山之上聳立著一多角形的塔。 錢塘橋和六和塔，記得吧？仰慈畫的。 畫得很好。 這一聲讚美，立刻使老人臉上笑開了花。 這孩子有些才分，我想把她接出來唸書。 經過睡眠和運動，恆叔臉色紅潤光鮮，神情更是開朗活澄，不像昨日那般滿身刺蝟。坐下來吃早點喝咖啡時，喋喋不休地談著兒子和孫女。 他張著耳朵聽，眼睛趁機把擱在桌上的《中國時報》頭版新聞掃描了一遍。《清除精神汙染》，大陸好像又搞起一個政治運動。他不禁為自己的家人暗暗叫苦。 這咖啡還勉強，再來一杯？ 他搖搖頭，沒有心思恭維。 你和綺華怎麼說的？她提出要離婚。 趁老人吃飽喝足，他才談起自己的事。 這可是她自己的決定，與我無關我不過具實相告而已。 老人一張嘴便把責任推得乾乾淨淨。不但臉無愧色，還輕鬆自在地起身，打開一隻櫥櫃，取出了一條三五牌香菸。 幾乎忘了，我可是給你留了一條好菸。這是楊力行帶來的。 楊力行？她來過？難怪啊！ 喝下去的咖啡頓時在他胃中翻攪，反芻到喉頭的味覺是那麼苦澀，一下子就麻痺了舌根。 楊力行說，你們曾經相戀同居過，而且她一直愛著你不是這樣嗎？ He didn't deny it.默默掏出自己的香菸，點了火吸將起來。 力行，不拘她說了什麼，自己絕不能辯駁。自己種下的苦果，也只有獨自吞嚥的責任。 你一定知道，她的公司要到矽谷來設廠。她說，很願意幫助你把妻小接出來；崇漢要唸書，做事，或半工半讀都行。綺華認為，與其自己出來，不如讓兒子出來，崇漢年輕，看起來很有志氣，如果在美國闖出名堂來，以後有的是機會把家人接出來。我覺得綺華非常明理，而且果決。她的決定，其實對大家都好。 可是她等了我卅四年。 她覺得這個事實本身便有千鈞重，天平的另一端再加多少籌碼也難以扯平。 That is im