Chapter 22 19

It was really hard to tell Jay that I was leaving this place, I don't know why, just very sad.I went to the store for three consecutive days, but couldn't speak for three days.Every time I wanted to talk, my throat would feel thirsty, so I drank beer again, and then continued to drink like that, dominated by an unbearable sense of powerlessness, thinking that no matter how hard I struggled, I would end up going nowhere no. The clock pointed to twelve o'clock, the mouse gave up, and stood up with a little relief, said goodbye to Jie as usual, and walked out of the shop.The night wind was freezing cold.Back at the apartment, sitting on the bed, staring at the TV, opening a can of beer and lighting a cigarette.Old Westerns, Robert Taylor, commercials, weather forecasts, commercials, and then a vortex of noise The mouse turns off the TV and goes to the shower.Then he opened another can of beer and lit another cigarette.I don't know where I can go if I leave this place, and sometimes I feel like I have nowhere to go.For the first time in my life, a burst of terror climbed up from the bottom of my heart.It's as terrifying as the black and bright insects under the ground.They have no eyes, no sense of pity, and try to drag mice into the same underground as they do.The mice felt their sliminess all over their bodies.Open a can of beer.

For three days the mouse house was filled with empty beer cans and cigarette butts.I really want to see a woman, I can feel the warmth of the woman's skin all over my body, I want to enter the woman's body forever, but I can't go back to the woman.Didn't you burn the bridge yourself?The mouse thought to himself, you built a wall yourself and locked yourself in it. The mouse looked at the lighthouse.The sky brightened, the sea began to turn gray, and then the clear morning light wiped away the darkness almost like a tablecloth.The mouse goes to bed and sleeps with the pain that he has nowhere to go.

◇ The mouse's determination to leave this place is so strong that it cannot be shaken for a while. It is the conclusion obtained after a long period of inspection from various angles. It seems that there are no loopholes. The match was lit and the bridge was burned, so Even what was left in my heart disappeared.There may still be a little shadow of myself on the street, but no one will pay attention to it, and this place will continue to change, and eventually even the trace of that shadow will disappear.It feels like everything is going to move forward smoothly. And Jay. Why his presence disturbed his heart so much, the mouse really didn't understand.I'm leaving this place, you have to take care.Isn't this the end?They don't know anything about each other. People who don't know each other meet each other, and then pass each other, that's all.But the mouse is still heartbroken.Lying on the bed and looking at the ceiling, he clenched his fist and swung it several times in the air.

◇ It was past midnight on Monday when the rat pulled up the iron shutters of Jay's.Jay, as usual, was sitting at a table in the store with half the lights off, doing nothing and smoking a cigarette.Seeing the mouse come in, Jie smiled and nodded.Jay looked disturbingly aged in the gloom.Black stubble covered the cheeks and jaw like shadows, sunken eyes, thin lips were dry and cracked, blood vessels protruded from the head, and yellow tobacco grease seeped into the fingertips. Are you tired?asked the mouse. A little.Jie said, and then remained silent for a while, there will always be such days, and everyone will have them.

Mouse nodded and pulled away the chair beside the table, and sat down opposite Jie. Rainy days and Mondays when everyone is in a dark mood, that's the line in the song. That's right.Jay said this while staring intently at his finger holding the cigarette. You'd better go home and sleep early. No, it's okay.Jie shook his head, shaking slowly as if chasing bugs away.Anyway, I probably won't sleep well when I get home. The mouse glanced at his watch reflexively, it was twenty past twelve.In the silent underground, time seems to be dead in the darkness.In Jie's Bar after the iron rolling door was lowered, the brilliant brilliance he had been pursuing for many years was no longer even a shadow.Everything is faded, and everything seems worn out.

Can I have a little coke?Jay said.You can drink beer. The mouse stood up and took out the Coke and beer from the refrigerator and brought them to the table along with the glasses. What about music?Jay asked. No need, just be quiet today.said the mouse.It's like a funeral.Mouse smiled.So the two drank Coke and beer without saying anything.The mouse's watch on the table began to make an almost unnaturally loud sound. At twelve thirty-five, it seemed that a terrible and long time had passed.Jay barely moved.The mouse watched Jay's cigarette burn in the ashtray until the tip was reduced to ashes.

Why are you so tired?The mouse tried to ask a question. Who knows?As he spoke, Jie suddenly switched his feet to the other side as if remembering.There must be no reason. The mouse drank half of the glass of beer, sighed and put the glass back on the table. Jay!People are all about to rot, right? Yes! The methods of decay are different.The mouse unconsciously puts its fingernails on its lips.But I think the paths that everyone can choose are very limited, two or three at most. Maybe. The remaining beer after bubbling has settled at the bottom of the glass like stagnant water.The rat took the thinned cigarette pack from his pocket and put the last one in his mouth.But I'm starting to feel like it's okay anyway.Whichever way ends up rotten, right?

Jie kept the Coca-Cola cup on its slope and listened silently to what the mouse said. Even so, people continue to change.What is the significance of the change itself, I have never understood.The Mouse bit his lip and stared at the table thoughtfully.Then I thought this way, no matter how I progress and change, the ending is just a process of collapse, isn’t it? right. So I don't have any love or affection for those guys who are so excited to move into nothingness.Same for this place. Jay was silent, and neither was the mouse.He picked up the match on the table and let the fire burn slowly to the axis before lighting his cigarette.

The problem, Jay said, is that you are trying to change yourself, aren't you? Honestly, yes. A few seconds of eerie silence slipped by, maybe ten seconds.Jie said, "Man, you are born so pitifully stupid that you are more useless than you think.The mouse poured the rest of the beer in the bottle into the glass and drank it all in one gulp.I am very confused.Jay nodded several times. Have been unable to decide. I also noticed.After saying this, Jie smiled as if he was tired of talking. The mouse stood up slowly, stuffed the cigarette and lighter into his pockets, and the clock was ticking one o'clock.

It's time to rest.said the mouse. Good night.Jay said.Hi!Someone once said this: go slowly!And drink plenty of water! The Mouse smiled at Jay, opened the door, and walked up the steps.Street lamps illuminated the deserted road.The mouse sat down on the railing, looked up at the sky, and wondered how much water is enough to drink?