Chapter 26 twenty five

After a cloudy day for so long, it finally cleared up again.As soon as the sun comes out, it enters the warm season of early summer.People have changed their attire, and Aimei's female classmate has bare arms and bare feet wearing high-heeled sandals with exposed holes, making a midsummer dress. Zhiyun used to belong to Aimei, but recently she was in a bad mood and didn't have the energy to dress up. She still wore the same pair of jeans worn in the dormitory, with a baggy and fat shirt on top. After class, she deliberately walked out first to avoid anyone holding her back.She just doesn't care about people these days, and even Yingge is impatient to chat with her at night.

It has been five whole days since Jiang Xiaofeng sent her back that rainy night, and he hasn't seen him again.In fact, in the past two months, they have often seen each other for two or three days, and they are not as tired of being together all day long as before, but the record of not seeing each other for five days has not yet been set. Nosy people speculate about the relationship between them Is there a third party?But who is that third party?They can't tell either. Zhiyun hurried through the corridor, put the hippie bag on her shoulders, and ran down the stairs at a trotting pace. As soon as she stepped out of the gate, she saw Jiang Xiaofeng standing under the stone pillar.His appearance surprised her a little.

Zhiyun.Jiang Xiaofeng came up to her and stared at her with deep eyes. oh?Rare customer!Why did it suddenly appear today?Zhiyun was intentionally sarcastic.He also looked at Jiang Xiaofeng carefully, only to see that his face was haggard and anxious.What’s wrong with you?Look so special, are you sick? I never get sick.Jiang Xiaofeng grinned pretendingly relaxed, and the two snow-white canine teeth were faintly visible again. I'm not sick, why haven't I seen you for five days?Zhiyun smiled displeasedly. Because I have problems, problems that I have never had. What about the thesis?Zhiyun couldn't help but care.

It is also related to the thesis. Jiang Xiaofeng took Zhiyun's hippie bag, hooked it on his shoulder with one finger, took Zhiyun with the other hand, and walked towards the British Park as before.Without saying a word, they walked to the edge of the lake. As usual, boys and girls are rowing boats by the lake, wild ducks and whooper swans are playing in the water, but the long red chairs they often sit on are taken up by an old woman, and they have no place to sit, so they go to the hidden Dutch forest .It was the time when the sun was setting, and the sky in the west was full of colorful clouds, but the forest was as dark as dusk, with only a few shreds of light and shadow penetrating through the gaps in the branches.

Jiang Xiaofeng looked at Zhiyun steadfastly, and did not kiss her as soon as he entered the forest like every time. Why are you looking at me so weirdly?Zhiyun also looked at Jiang Xiaofeng in confusion. Zhiyun Jiang Xiaofeng pondered for a while, and said: Zhiyun, I have to go back. you?want to go back?Zhiyun thought he had heard wrong. Yes, I am going back home.This decision was so difficult for me that for days I hesitated and could not make up my mind.In the end I decided to go back.Jiang Xiaofeng said with certainty.His gaze never left Zhiyun's face. Are you ready to finish your degree?Zhiyun asked coldly.

As I said earlier, a Ph.D. is not necessary for me.And didn't you already tell me clearly?Even if you finish your degree, you won't go back with me. Zhiyun cast his eyes on a tree. Zhiyun, I really can't stay abroad, ever since we decided not to go back to China, I feel like I'm half dead and not having a good time at all. Zhiyun still stared at the tree expressionlessly. Creating our own music in China is the only thing I want to do in my life, and I really can't give up.If I give up, I will be a waste of time, I will never forgive myself, and I will never be happy.Jiang Xiaofeng continued to explain.His brows were tightly frowned, and the lock of hair was waving in front of his forehead.

I've already procrastinated so much that I can't procrastinate any longer.Jiang Xiaofeng lowered his head, hesitated for a moment, and said again: My parents both died at a very young age, which made me feel that human life is limited. None of us knows how long we can live in this world?Every minute of being alive is precious and should be used.I'm in my twenties and I haven't really done what I want to do yet.This makes me anxious and depressed when I think about it.Zhiyun, please understand me, I can't be like many people who only plan for my own interests. Zhiyun remained silent, still staring at the tree, eyes full of disappointment, and frost on his face.Jiang Xiaofeng stared at her for a while, then came to hold her hands.

Shiyun, I beg you to go back with me.He seemed to be begging. Zhiyun responded this time.Like a fish, she dodges Jiang Xiaofeng all of a sudden, and glances at him with indifference and sarcasm. Don't dream, I won't go back with you.As I said, stay abroad. Is it that scary to go back home?Jiang Xiaofeng's face was full of misery again. Scary or not, it's impossible.Zhiyun is categorical. Zhiyun, really, let's go back together, I've bought all the tickets, you see.Jiang Xiaofeng took out two plane tickets from his pants pocket.Zhiyun looked at it and became even angrier.

If you buy a ticket, I won't go back either.She tilted her head and said contemptuously. Zhiyun, think about it, what's the point of us staying here?You see, why did Tom Paul commit suicide?Just because he has no confidence in himself, cannot be sure of his own value, and looks down on himself.We all look down on Tom Paul. In fact, we also have the same lack of confidence in ourselves, but we are only slightly better than him.Zhiyun, isn't it more meaningful for us to go back and do something for our country than to stay here? Enough is enough.Always this theory.Zhiyun interrupted Jiang Xiaofeng's words, and said in an uncontrollable annoyance: Excuse me, do you promise that it will be useful if you go back?There are so many Chinese, is it just us?I don't agree, why is it that we are both human beings and foreign students, and they can plan for themselves and live so well, but we can't!Look at Chen Lingling, youth idol and Sophia, how are they living?Even Jinghui and Yang Wenyan opened a restaurant and settled down.We are the only ones who can't. We argue all day long about the problems left behind when we go back. It seems that only you, Jiang Xiaofeng, are patriotic, and no one else loves the country.It's too late for others to go out, you have the opportunity to stay abroad but you want to go back

Zhiyun, is this your word?Jiang Xiaofeng interrupted Zhiyun coldly.Our thinking was too far off.Is that why you don't understand me?Don't you know that I just want to do what I want and don't want to compare myself to others?It's their business for people to go abroad.It's my business that I want to go back.I want to be with my own people, stand where I belong, and do what I want to do.Good or bad, I don't care.I don't want to be a special Chinese, I want to be like all Chinese people, I belong to those people.Whether it's suffering or pleasure, I'd like to be with them.It would be the depravity of my soul if my aim were only personal glory.

That's right, this is you, naive and imaginative.Zhiyun's beautiful lips were slightly curled up, mocking.To be honest, you are not native of Taiwan, so why should you be so enthusiastic?People who are truly native have not loved Taiwan so much! You don’t want this kind of mentality, what difference does it make if I’m from there?They are all Chinese anyway.I came to Taiwan when I was eight years old, ate the food there, breathed the air there, and grew up there.It is the place where I have lived the longest in my life. It is my own country, and I belong there. What is wrong with my zeal?Jiang Xiaofeng's face was livid, and his anger began to rise. Yes, your zeal is well deserved and right, but only to those people.He is not willing to sacrifice even a little bit of enthusiasm for me.The more Zhiyun talked, the more angry he became, and finally turned into a protest of grief and indignation.To you, I'm not as attractive as those irrelevant people, for whom you create our songs, but don't care about me Weaving clouds, weaving clouds.Jiang Xiaofeng was extremely troubled, and he didn't know how much strength he used to suppress the anger that was about to erupt, but he intentionally made his voice extremely gentle.Zhiyun, if I refused to sacrifice for you, would I stay until today?Come to think of it, what have we all said?Didn't it mean that you write the lyrics, I compose the music, and create our songs together?Is that just a joke?Zhiyun Say no more.Zhiyun yelled in a low voice, took off the ring from his hand, put it heavily on Jiang Xiaofeng's palm, turned around and walked out of the woods. Zhiyun, Zhiyun Jiang Xiaofeng hurried to catch up and hold Zhiyun.She broke free like a fish again.The one who ran away went out of the Dutchman's Grove, Jiang Xiaofeng followed out, and called Zhiyun twice, which attracted the attention of many people, and they all looked this way.So Jiang Xiaofeng stopped shouting, and just stood blankly by the edge of the forest, watching Zhiyun's back going further and further away, and only after she turned a corner, he walked forward slowly.The sun has almost set, and there is still a red cloud in the sky.Jiang Xiaofeng looked at the narrow platinum ring in his hand, and stuffed it into his trouser pocket. For two weeks in a row, Jiang Xiaofeng didn't come to Zhiyun, and the two lived their own lives and went their own way.The classmates rumored that they had a falling out, and they were all researching who the third party was.Jinghui also heard about this, so she came to Zhiyun specially this day. How did you come?Zhiyun walked out of the classroom and was surprised to see Jinghui waiting in the corridor.But he couldn't laugh, and asked in a dull manner. Come and see you!How about it?How are you lately?Jinghui smiled and looked at Zhiyun. That's it!There is nothing remarkable about it.Zhiyun brushed her long hair nonchalantly, and walked out with Jinghui. The sky is surprisingly good again, as warm as midsummer.Jinghui said that she would invite Zhiyun to sit in the coffee shop. After passing an open-air cafe on the street, the two found an empty seat and sat down.Zhiyun took out a cigarette from his hippie bag, struck a match, lit it, and started smoking.It made Jinghui's eyes round in shock. I started smoking, when did I learn it? Is this still worth learning?Zhiyun took a deep breath, almost coughing from choking.Do you want one too?She held the cigarette box up to Jinghui's eyes. I'm not that fashionable.Jinghui said.At least half of the male and female students in Germany smoke cigarettes, which is a popular fashion thing.Yu Zhiyun, did you have a falling out with Da Jiang? Zhiyun only cared about smoking, his eyes casually scanning the pedestrians on the road.How come you and Yang Wenyan are so well matched, you think and do the same thing. Who knows, maybe it's because we are all ordinary and have no ambitions!Jinghui laughed when she said that.He took a sip of the Coca-Cola in the glass, and said: Actually, we may not always agree. For example, I think it is better to go back after finishing school, so he is willing to stay in a foreign country and open a restaurant.I will follow him, I think as long as two people can be together. You always say you want to go back, is it true or not?Zhiyun asked seriously. Why not?Why am I being a second-class person here and not going back to be a first-class person?I am homesick again.Jinghui corrected her color. If you really go back, won't your parents object?Zhiyun tried it. Why object?Could it be that I was expelled from my nationality when I came out to learn piano?Maybe my parents have received very little education!They don't have the vanity and desires of ordinary people.My father always said: We should be content with what we have today. Think about what kind of life we ​​lived during the Japanese occupation.What kind of oppression.My parents often told us how the Japanese were brutal and unreasonable, and it was really scary to hear.So he cherishes today's situation very much and always tells us not to forget our own country.Jinghui said frankly. Why did Yang Wenyan not go back?Zhiyun smoked slowly. First, he wants to make a fortune, and second, he says he feels safe abroad. Oh Zhiyun thought about the latter sentence. What are you and Dajiang doing? Nothing, how is your business? ha!I forgot to tell you that we really started to make money. Last month, we made a net profit of 4,600 marks. As soon as the restaurant was mentioned, Jinghui’s spirit came, and she described it for half an hour. Zhiyun spent two consecutive Sundays studying hard.This Sunday, she made another big reading plan, preparing to study hard from morning to night, so as not to think of Jiang Xiaofeng.She seemed to be waiting for him, thinking about him, and resenting him every minute, thinking that he was so ruthless and cruel.She urged herself to forget him, to adapt to the life without him, and to let him know that she could still live well without him.She was angry with herself for not being able to live up to expectations, because the days without him seemed lifeless, and waiting was more enough to make people collapse, make people crazy, and life was not good at all.But if he didn't come to her, she would never come to him.Thinking of Jiang Xiaofeng actually bought two plane tickets, she became even more angry at his absurdity, thinking that he was too naive for such a grown-up person. When she got upset, she took out a cigarette and smoked it, and she could smoke half a pack a day.In the past, she always thought that women who smoked were the ugliest and vulgar.Now she does what she considers ugly and tacky.She is also angry with herself, hates herself, hates herself. Zhiyun did everything according to the plan. After breakfast, he read Japanese first, then sorted out his notes, took out the typewriter and typed for a while, and finally made it to lunch. There is lunch at noon on Sunday, but only those who have no place to go Only people have lunch in the dormitory on Sunday, especially on such a sunny day. Sure enough, there were only three or five people in the restaurant.According to the European customs, one must eat more carefully at noon on Sundays, so today there is a thick piece of fried beef on the plate, and the red blood inside is exposed when it is cut with a knife.After going abroad for two and a half years, she still can't get used to this kind of big dish, so she only cut off the cooked part around the sides and left the middle. She was chewing the hard beef, and she was regretting in her heart, why didn't Yingge agree to go to Immensee to play?Inge drove to Innmensee with two colleagues from the hospital early this morning, and asked her to go with her.Knowing that she and Jiang Xiaofeng had an awkward relationship, Yingge asked her to take a break, but she refused because she wanted to read a book.In fact, the main reason for not going was that she was not in the mood. Furthermore, she subconsciously waited for Jiang Xiaofeng, fearing that she would not be there when he came looking for him. After lunch, Zhiyun continued to take notes and read reference books.The window was open, and the sunlight and birdsong poured in together. She turned her eyes from the book to the window, and was attracted by the distant blue sky and the thick green shade. She froze for a while before turning her attention again Back to the book.After a long day of procrastination, in the evening, she hastily wrote a letter from home, and then took the small purse to post it at a nearby street corner.There were new machines for selling stamps and mailboxes for posting. Several buildings in this area are office houses, usually busy with people coming and going, but on weekend nights or Sundays, it becomes deserted.In the past, because of rushing to build tunnel vehicles, roads, and houses, the road surface was dug in a mess, and Turkish workers often wandered around here.Zhiyun never dared to come out alone at night.Now that the Olympic Games is approaching, all the projects have been completed, the road surface is wide and beautiful, and the Turkish workers have disappeared. Zhiyun often sends letters to this street in the evening. She dropped the letter in the mailbox and walked back slowly.There was no one on the street, only cars passing by one after another.The twilight is getting thicker, and a white and round moon is slowly rising at the corner of the sky.The street lights were also on, and the gentleness of early summer floated in the air, and a little wind made people feel lazy. Zhiyun was full of loneliness, and walked slowly towards the gray and old house in the dormitory.Just as he was about to walk in, he was stopped by a voice behind him. She would never mistake Zhiyun's voice, it was Jiang Xiaofeng. Zhiyun stopped instinctively, and wanted to walk in without paying attention to him.Last time there was an awkward situation, he didn't come to apologize, and he didn't see anyone for three weeks, how much torture did she give her?She couldn't forgive him so easily anyway. She hesitated, not knowing whether to go in or turn back. Jiang Xiaofeng had already walked across the street. Zhiyun called again.Standing beside her, with his hands on her shoulders. Zhiyun brushed his hand away, turned around and said: If there is nothing else, please come back, right?I'm going in. Zhiyun Jiang Xiaofeng took Zhiyun's hand, and said in a begging voice: Zhiyun, don't act like this. Zhiyun broke free from Jiang Xiaofeng's hand, but Jiang Xiaofeng held her again, holding her so tightly that he couldn't move that hand in his palm.Only then did she raise her eyes to look at him. In the deep twilight, his clear face was like a statue with a deep and sad expression.There was music in his twinkling eyes the music of pain. Zhiyun didn't lose his temper anymore, so he let him lead the way to the British Park again. They just concentrate on walking and don't say a word.After walking for a long time, I arrived at the lake in the park.The lake was shining with a dark light, no one was rowing, and the wild ducks and swans were also hiding, only the small insects in the grass were chirping. Zhiyun Jiang Xiaofeng held up Zhiyun's face and kissed her gently.You're not having a good time these days, are you?He looked gently at her face. Still say it!You are so bad, Zhiyun shed tears of grievance for not coming to see me for so long. It's not that I haven't come to look for you, I have come many times.Always go halfway and force myself to go back.Zhiyun, I am sadder than you these days.Jiang Xiaofeng said dejectedly. Why do you force yourself to go back half way?Because you want to punish me?Zhiyun asked displeased. Because Jiang Xiaohuang seemed to have something difficult to say, but he hesitated for a moment, and finally summoned up the courage to say it.Because I am afraid that seeing you will shake my decision. What do you decide?Zhiyun stared at him fixedly. Zhiyun, I'm leaving, it's tomorrow.Jiang Xiaofeng said it weakly. ah!tomorrow?Zhiyun was stunned, and suddenly felt that the sky was falling apart, and her heart was so sad that it was about to freeze.In an instant, all the shock and grief turned into extreme disappointment and resentment.Great, your decision is great.If you leave tomorrow, you will leave tomorrow, why are you still looking for me today?Who do you take me for?She hates you so much that she can't find the right words to scold him.You selfish and arrogant guy, why do I fall in love with you?I really hate myself, and I hate you even more. I, Zhiyun, spoke incoherently, choked up while speaking, covered my face with both hands, and sobbed. Zhiyun, don't cry. Jiang Xiaofeng cried out in agony.You misunderstood me.Zhiyun, because you are always unwilling to go back, I think you have managed to get a scholarship now, why are you willing to give up so easily?If you want to stay in a foreign country for two more years, I shouldn't be so stubborn that I must drag you back together.But I must go back now.Zhiyun, as you can see, I am not happy here at all, even if one day I become a big name abroad, we get married, have a house, car and money, I am still the same unhappy.If I give up what I want to do, I am doomed to live a bad life, no matter how valuable I get in the eyes of others. Zhiyun, if I stay, our future life will not be happy at all, and I will be oppressed by self-blame for the rest of my life.Zhiyun, let me say it again, please understand me, I am not pursuing the fame and fortune that ordinary people think is valuable, but what I am pursuing is my own ideal, and my ideal can only be realized in my own country.Zhiyun, I have to go back.He spoke in a low voice, perhaps speaking too quickly, and seemed a little panting. Zhiyun just cried sadly, without raising his head.Jiang Xiaofeng bit his lip, and continued: I've already wasted too much time, and I can't afford to delay any longer.So I thought about it and thought about it, and decided to go back alone.Zhiyun, do you know what is the main force supporting me to do this?It's you.Cause I know you'll come back to me Zhiyun suddenly took his hands off his face and looked at Jiang Xiaofeng contemptuously.There were still tears on his face, but there was a sarcastic smile on his face. I will go back to you?Da Jiang, you are too imaginative and confident.I can tell you very clearly that once you leave, we will break up once and for all. I never want to hear or see you again, let alone look for you.She interrupted Jiang Xiaofeng's words, and said harshly. You will come to me, I know you will.Jiang Xiaofeng said stubbornly. Absolutely not.You don't want to be self-absorbed.Zhiyun said angrily. I said you will.Zhiyun, you don't even know yourself. You are not a realistic person like Chen Lingling, nor a person like Jinghui who goes with the flow, nor is it a thoughtless person like Sophia Liu.You have thoughts, feelings, and values.You are not the kind of person who can really let go and forget your roots. If you are a foreigner all your life, you will be as unhappy as me.So I know that one day you will go back to find me, or Zhiyun, I will change the ticket, and we will go back together in two days.Jiang Xiaofeng eagerly waited for Zhiyun's answer, and went up to hug her.Zhiyun threw Jiang Xiaofeng away forcefully, and said with a sneer: I advise you to hurry back tomorrow!Don't dream again, let me tell you clearly again, I won't go back with you now, and I won't look for you in the future. Zhiyun, you will regret it one day. Certainly not.Zhiyun raised his head arrogantly. Zhiyun, all you lack is a little courage. In fact, you really went back, and your parents had no choice but to accept this fact. Why should I make them accept this fact?Why do other people's daughters behave so respectably when they leave the country, but I just shrink back and go back to create our songs? Well, stop talking.Jiang Xiaofeng interrupted Zhiyun's words.Since you look down on creating our song so much that it's enough to make you cringe with shame, there's nothing to talk about.I also understand that you will not go back with me.But I still say that, you'll find me someday I won't, I won't Zhiyun yelled angrily. You will, you will.Jiang Xiaofeng did not show weakness, took out a ticket and the ring Zhiyun returned to him, and stuffed them into Zhiyun's purse. I don't want it, I won't go to you.Zhiyun pressed the leather bag, but Jiang Xiaofeng was much stronger than her, so he forced it in.He pressed her purse with one hand, held her chin with the other, looked at her face, and said seriously: Listen, Zhiyun, I'll go back and wait for you.If you fall in love with someone else and get married, I hope you live happily ever after.If not so ideal!Even if you have a few children or become an old woman, as long as you change your mind and are willing to go back to me and fulfill our common ideal, I will welcome you with open arms.Zhiyun, I'm very dull, if I say I'm going to do it, I have to do it, so I have to go back.But this does not mean that my love for you has changed in the slightest.Zhiyun, remember, I will wait for you, forever You you are a bloody hell!Zhiyun knocked off his hand at once, turned around and ran on the way back.Jiang Xiaofeng's arm like an iron pillar stopped her all at once. Really, Zhiyun, come find me.Otherwise, ask me to change the ticket, and we will go back together.He held her tightly in his arms. No, Da Jiang, let's go!I can't go back with you.Zhiyun softened in his embrace. Zhiyun, you just lack a little courage.He still wanted to convince her. But I will never have that courage, I am weaker.Dajiang, you know, I never had the strength to resist the tide Zhiyun burst into tears again. Zhiyun, I just love your honesty.Jiang Xiaofeng said emotionally.He kissed her deeply, kissed for so long, his tears sprinkled on her face.Zhiyun, go back and find me, I will wait for you, I will wait for you forever No, Da Jiang, I won't look for you.I will always remember you, never forget you, but I won't look for you.Dajiang Zhiyun's tears flowed uncontrollably like the surging spring water.Da Jiang, maybe we shouldn't be in love at all Zhiyun, Zhiyun, what are you talking about? Jiang Xiaofeng said in tears.