Chapter 20 define self

We should not only say no to the unreasonable demands of others, but also say no to our own blind desires. Mr. Zhang and Ms. Li have known each other for three months. They have had several opportunities to travel alone, and they are slowly building up their relationship. One day, Ms. Li called Mr. Zhang. She said that she was going to the south at noon. After buying the train ticket, she suddenly remembered that today was her aunt’s birthday. She told Mr. Zhang the address of her aunt’s house, and asked him to buy a box first. The cosmetics were sent to her aunt.When she came back from the south the day after tomorrow, she would pay again, and at the same time treat Mr. Zhang to dinner, and thank him well.

Although Mr. Zhang had a good impression of Ms. Li, he felt that what Ms. Li made was a very strange request.Before he answered, he knew that his relationship with Miss Li was already facing a test.He felt that at this moment, there was no reason for him to act as Miss Li's errands.So he said "no result" and the word "no" ended his relationship with Ms. Li. Psychologists say that the first abstraction humans learn is to shake the head to express no.Babies who are a little over one year old will shake their heads to reject their mother's request or order. This symbolic action is the beginning of the baby's self-concept formation.Not only does it represent rejection, but it also represents choice. A person forms his self through continuous choices.Therefore, when Mr. Zhang said no to Ms. Li, he was actually making a choice, and through this choice, he defined himself.Therefore, not being on one level means no, but on another level it means that Mr. Zhang is a person who does not want to run errands for the lady.

Many people are afraid to say no because of sympathy, or are embarrassed to say no, but in order to protect ourselves, it seems that we should have the courage to say no to requests or things that destroy ourselves.These requests or matters are not all made by others, but also those that we should not ask for. We should not only say no to others’ unreasonable demands, but also learn to say no to our own blind desires. A person who can define himself.