Chapter 12 The Sixth Technique: Don't over-compliment

In interpersonal communication, many people often like to use praise words, which are the so-called honorific words.Indeed, this kind of complimenting language plays an important role in interpersonal communication and maintaining good relationships, and it is a lubricant for adjusting the soul.However, there are indeed some people who are not only ignorant of honorifics, but also deliberately pile up some inappropriate honorifics and excessive compliments, which will cause the other party's disgust. In fact, those who frequently use honorifics and excessively compliment others often have some kind of intention in their hearts, which is the opposite expression of their jealousy, hostility, contempt or wariness.

Carnegie gives a good example of this: Mrs. Tom and Mrs. John are very close companions, and they usually talk about everything.But for unknown reasons, a rift appeared between the two. One day Mrs. Tom said to Mrs. John: Oops!Mrs. John, how lucky you are!My daughter is chubby and beautiful, and my husband is a well-known person in the construction industry, and he goes home for dinner every day.Mrs. John, you are so enviable!How did you train your husband?Can you pass on the secret? This overly flattering speech made people get goosebumps all over their bodies.In fact, it was an expression of Mrs. Tom's state of mind at the time, and its true meaning was quite different from a compliment. It might express contempt or envy.

As the saying goes: Language is a measure of the psychological distance between the communicating parties.Especially the compliments that make people feel outside, not only will inadvertently distance each other, but also have the meaning of preventing others from infringing. Of course, compliments are appropriate and not excessive, and they are still very pleasing. How to use compliments properly?A piece of historical material about Han Xin complimenting Han Gaozu Liu Bang is very interesting. Han Xin, who once made a big splash in his last stand, was humiliated by his crotch when he was young.It was a villain who specializes in killing dogs who challenged him, saying:

If you have the guts, just stab me, or if you don't, just slip through my crotch! When Han Xin heard this, he felt that it was better to endure the humiliation for a while and save a hundred years of life, so he willingly slipped under the crotch of this villain and endured the humiliation under his crotch. Later, Han Xinchen served Han Gaozu Liu Bang and made outstanding achievements repeatedly, so some people asserted: If Han Gaozu did not have Han Xin, he would not be able to complete the hegemony of unifying the world.Because of this, Emperor Gaozu of the Han Dynasty was afraid of Han Xin's growing power, so he deliberately found an excuse to arrest and kill Han Xin on the charge of attempting rebellion.

At this time, Han Xin did not defend himself, but said: Sure enough, it is as expected: the cunning rabbit dies, the running dog cooks; the birds are exhausted, the good bow is hidden;I, Han Xin, had to be cooked and killed! After Liu Bang heard this, he also felt that Han Xin was the number one hero in the founding of the country, and he could not be killed as he wanted, so he demoted him as a prince and put him aside for the time being to see the aftermath. After Han Xin was hit by this, he was worried and angry, and lived an unhappy life all day long. At this moment, Liu Bang and Han Xin, who hadn't seen each other for a long time, finally had a chance to meet and talk.Han Xin was good at compliments, so he seized this opportunity to compliment Liu Bang in a timely manner, which produced very good results.

The topic of the two started from commenting on the soldiers, but they held different opinions.Liu Bang asked Han Xin: Do you think I have the ability to lead tens of thousands of troops? Han Xin replied: Your Majesty can only lead an army of about 100,000 at most! Liu Bang asked again: how about you? Han Xin smiled: Of course, the more the better! Liu Bang also smiled and asked: Then why are you being used by me? At this time, Han Xin began to compliment him subtly: Although Your Majesty does not have the talent of a general, he has the talent of a general.This is the reason why I was used by His Majesty.Moreover, His Majesty's instinct is innate, not something ordinary people can possess.

The ingenious use of Han Xin's compliments is absolutely amazing. At that time, Liu Bang was flattered all over.As for how he answered, there is no record in the history books, but it can be imagined from Han Xin's comeback later. It can be seen that using compliments also requires skills.Appropriately used, it is very useful, if repeatedly abused or overly flattering, it will appear nasty and disgusting.If you don't mean it, it will have no effect.