Chapter 24 23

The third girl who slept with me called my penis your raison d`etre ◇ I once wanted to write a short story on the subject of the human raison d'être.Although the novel was not finished in the end, during that time, I kept thinking about the reason for human existence, so I developed a wonderful quirk, that is, everything must be converted into numerical values.For about eight months, I was driven by this urge.As soon as you get on the tram, you start counting the number of passengers, counting the number of steps, and counting your pulse as soon as you are free.According to the records at that time, during the period from August 15, 1969 to April 3 of the following year, I went to a total of 358 classes, had sex 54 times, and smoked 6,921 cigarettes. cigarette.

At that time, I seriously believed that maybe I could put a switch like that into numbers and communicate something to someone else.And as long as I have something that can be communicated to others, it means that I do exist.But as if for granted, no one was interested in the number of cigarettes I smoked, or the number of stairs I took, or the size of my penis.So I lost my reason for being and became a lonely person. In this way, when I knew she was dead, I smoked the 6922nd cigarette.