Chapter 17 7th Tuesday Embrace Aging

Murray had lost the battle.Now he has to have someone wipe his ass. With his usual calm attitude, he accepted this fact.When he couldn't put his hands behind his back after taking tuba one day, he explained his latest inconvenience to Connie. Would it be embarrassing for you to do this for me? She said no. He consulted her first, which was his usual style. Murray admitted that he was not used to it at first, because it was a total surrender to his illness.A person's most basic personal privacy, he is deprived of going to the toilet, blowing his nose, washing his lower body, etc.Now he had to rely on others for everything except breathing and swallowing.

I asked Murray how he had endured all this and still had a positive outlook on life. Mickey, it's funny, he said: I'm an independent person by nature, so I'm always going to resist all this getting out of the car and having to be helped, getting dressed and so on.I feel a bit ashamed because our culture tells us that if we can't wipe our own ass, it's a shame.But slowly, I thought: Never mind what our culture says, I have ignored this culture for most of my life.I'm not going to be ashamed, what's the big deal? And you know what?Something strange happened. what strange thing?

I began to enjoy my dependence on others.Now I enjoy it when they turn me over and put ointment on my butt to keep it from getting red and inflamed.Or when they wipe my forehead, or massage my legs.I enjoyed it so much.I closed my eyes and immersed myself in it.These make me feel deja vu. It's a lot like being a kid again.Someone to help you shower, someone to pick you up, someone to wipe you down.We all know what it's like to be a baby, and there's a child in every one of us.For me, it's just thinking back on how to enjoy it. In fact, we never had enough when Mom held us, rocked us, and stroked our heads.In some way, we all yearn to return to those days when we were completely cared for, unconditionally loved, unconditionally cared for.Most of us don't feel like it's enough.

I know I just don't feel enough. I looked at Murray and suddenly understood why he liked me leaning forward to adjust his microphone, or turn his pillow, or wipe his eyes.contact between people.At the age of seventy-eight, he is an elder when giving to others, and a baby when receiving from others. After a while, we talked about aging.Or should I say speaking of the fear of aging, another item on my list that has my generation scratching its head.As I drove from the Boston airport, I counted the number of billboards that featured pictures of beautiful young men and women.There is a handsome guy wearing a cowboy hat and a cigarette in his mouth: two beauties are holding shampoo and smiling delicately: a cool-looking girl is wearing jeans with turned-out pants: a sexy woman is wearing a black velvet dress, next to her It was a man in a well-fitting suit, and the two were sipping a glass of Scotch whiskey.

None of the characters I saw in the ad was over thirty-five years old.I told Murray that I felt like my strength was going downhill, even though I was trying to keep it up.I am used to going to the gym, paying attention to my diet, and always looking in the mirror to see if the hairline on my forehead is receding.I used to proudly mention my age because I was young enough to have a successful career, but now I avoid it because I'm approaching the forty mark, which is the age in my line of business where you should just let it go. Murray had a point of view about old age. I don't like all this youthful stuff, he said: Listen, I know being young can be a miserable thing sometimes, so don't tell me how nice it is to be young.So many young people come to see me with their struggles, their bitterness, their low self-esteem, their desperation for life, so painful that they almost want to commit suicide

In addition to these pains, young people do not know wisdom, they know very little about life.What's the point of living like this if you don't know what life is all about?When you are manipulated by someone telling you to buy this perfume and you will be beautiful, or buy these jeans and you will be sexy and you believe them!What bullshit. I asked, have you never been afraid of getting old? Mitch, I embrace old age. Embrace old age? very simple.The older you get, the more you know.If you have been twenty-two, you have been ignorant as if you were twenty-two.Aging is not just aging.It's growing up, and it's not just the negative side of you getting closer to death every year, it's also the positive side of knowing you're going to die, and you know how to live better because of it.

I said, yes, but if old age is so valuable, why do people keep saying: Well, I wish I was young.No one would seriously wish I had been sixty-five. He smiled.Do you know what that means?This is dissatisfaction with life, regret for life, and failure to find the meaning of life.Because if you find the meaning of your life, you don't want to start over, you want to move on.You want to see more and do more.You can't wait until you're sixty-five. listen.You should know it is.All young people should know that.If you never want to be old, you will always be unhappy, because you will still be old.

And, Mickey? He lowered his voice. Seriously, you're going to die someday. I nod. It doesn't matter what you say to yourself. I know. However, he said: I hope that day is still far, far away. He closed his eyes, looked peaceful, and asked me to help him adjust the pillow.His body position was constantly in need of adjustment, otherwise he would be uncomfortable.His recliner has white pillows, yellow foam and blue towels.At first glance, one would think that Murray was packed up and shipped out. I moved and adjusted the pillow, and he whispered, thank you. I said no thanks. Mitch, what are you thinking?

I thought for a while before answering him.I said, I wonder why you don't envy younger and healthier people. Oh, I guess I'm envious.He closes his eyes.I envy them that they can go to the gym and go swimming.Or dance.Especially dancing.But envy arises, I feel it, and let it go.Remember what I said about not being attached.let it go.Tell yourself: This is envy, I'm going to put it away now, and pull away. He coughed, coughing for a long time and uncomfortable. Finally, he pressed the toilet paper to his mouth and spit out a mouthful of phlegm.Sitting next to me, I felt ridiculously stronger than him, as if I could lift him up and throw him over my shoulders like a flour sack.I'm ashamed of my superiority, because I don't feel superior to him in any other way.

why don't you envy What? I? He smiled. Mitch, it's impossible for old people not to envy young people.But the point is to accept who you are and have fun doing it.This is when you are in your thirties, I am in my thirties, and now I am seventy-eight. You have to find the goodness, truth, and beauty in your life now.Looking back gives you a lot of fighting spirit, but age is not something to fight with. He let out a breath and lowered his eyes, as if watching his own breath dissipate into the air. Seriously, I can find every different age in me.I am three years old, I am five years old, I am thirty-seven years old, and I am fifty years old.I've lived through these ages, and I know what it's like.When I should be a child, I am happy to be a child.When I should be a wise old man, I am happy to be a wise old man.Think how much I can do!I am every age, right up to my current age.Do you understand?

I nod. I myself have lived your age, how could I envy you? Destiny surpasses all beings, People are trapped in their own death. Auden, Murray's favorite poet