Chapter 24 How to design the perfect 13th Tuesday

Murray wishes to be cremated.He discussed it with Charlotte, and they decided it was the best way.Brandeis Rabbi Al.Aselod and their old friends, they decided to invite him to preside over the farewell ceremony to visit Murray, and Murray told him his plan to be cremated. Al, and more. What's up? Tell them not to overcook me. The dean looked at Murray in disbelief, but he no longer shy away from making jokes about his body.The closer he came to death, the more he saw the body as a mere shell, the carrier of the soul.Anyway, his body was shrinking into useless skin and bones day by day, which made him feel no pity to abandon it.

As I sat down, Murray said: We are so afraid to see death.I adjusted the mic on his collar, but it just kept slipping off.Murray coughed, as he had been coughing now. I read a book the other day, and it said that when someone died in a hospital, they covered their heads with a sheet, carried them away on a gurney, transported them to a chute, and pushed the dead person down.They are blind to corpses, as if death is contagious.I was busy with the microphone, and Murray glanced at my hand. Death is not contagious.It is as natural as rawness, it is our nature. He coughed again, and I stepped back and waited, in case he got serious.Murray's last few nights have been rough, scary even.He could only take a nap for two or three hours at a time, and then woke up with a violent cough. The nurse came into the bedroom when he heard the sound, beat his back, and tried to get rid of the toxins that blocked his airway.Even if the nurses were able to bring him back to normal breathing, he was exhausted from the fight with the help of the oxygen machine, and he was depressed all day the next day.

Oxygen tubes are now attached to his nostrils.I don't like to see this, it symbolizes the fragility and helplessness of his life, and I have an urge to pull the oxygen tube down. Murray said softly: Last night What?how was last night I had a really bad fit that lasted hours and I really didn't know if I was going to get over it.I couldn't breathe, I was almost suffocating.At one point I was starting to lose consciousness and then suddenly I felt a sense of peace and I felt like I was ready to go. His eyes are round and bright.Mitch, that was an unbelievable feeling.Feeling open to what’s happening in the moment, completely at peace.I was thinking of a dream I had last week in which I walked across a bridge to an unknown place.Whatever it was, I was ready to take that step.

But you don't. Murray paused for a moment, then shook his head slightly.No, but I feel I am ready.Do you understand? That's what we're all looking for, to feel at peace with death.If we know in the end that we can accept death with ease, then we can do the hardest things. What's the problem? Accept life with ease. He asked to see the hibiscus plant on the windowsill behind him.I picked up the flowerpot with my hands and held it up to his eyes.He admired the flowers and smiled. Death is natural, he said: Seriously, we make a fuss about death because we don't see ourselves as part of nature.We feel that we are human beings and therefore above nature.

He smiled slightly at Hua'er. We are not above nature.Where there is life, there must be death.He turned his gaze to me. do you accept this accept. Very well, he said softly: the rewards are here, and this is what separates us from these wonderful plants and animals. As long as we can love each other and remember the feelings of love we have had, we will survive death.All the love you stirred up is still alive, and all the memories are there.You are not dead, you are still alive in the hearts of those you touched and supported each other. His voice became hoarse, which usually meant he needed a break.I put the potted plant back on the windowsill, turned around and turned off the tape recorder.Before I turned off the phone, Murray said the last sentence: Death ends life, not relationship.

There is a new development in the treatment of ALS. There is a new drug in the clinical trial stage, which has just been approved for marketing.The drug doesn't cure it, but it can delay the disease, slowing down the atrophy and paralysis of the body for several months.Murray had heard of this new drug, but his condition was terminal and the drug would not be available for months at the earliest. Murray laughed it off and said: It's not my turn. Murray hadn't had any hope of getting better since his illness.He is absolutely realistic, without any illusions.I asked him once if someone could wave a magic wand and make him better, would he be the same again?

He shook his head.I can't go back.I am a different person now.My attitude is different, and my view of my body is different. I know that in the past, people didn't know happiness when they were blessed.What's different about me is that I try to answer life's big questions, the ultimate questions, the ones that linger all day long. You know that's it.Once you start thinking about these big questions, you just can't get away. So what are the big questions? From my perspective, these issues include love, responsibility, spirituality, awareness.Even though I am a healthy person now, these are still my concerns.I should have done this long ago.

I tried to picture Murray in good health, as he pulled the blanket off his body, got up from his recliner, and the two of us went for a walk around the neighborhood, just like we used to do on campus.It occurred to me that the last time I saw him standing was sixteen years ago.It's been sixteen years? I ask, what would you do if you were healthy and healthy one day? round-the-clock? round-the-clock. I think about waking up in the morning, doing some exercise, having a nice breakfast of cookies and tea, going out for a swim, and then having my friend over for a nice lunch.I would ask them to come in groups of one or two at a time so we could talk about their families, their problems, and what we meant to each other.

Then I will go out for a walk, go to the garden with sparse trees, look at the red flowers and green leaves, watch the birds flying, and enjoy the beauty of nature that I have not seen for a long time. In the evening we go to a restaurant together, have good pasta, maybe some duck I like duck and then we dance and dance all night long.I'm going to dance with all my partners until I'm exhausted.Then I go home and get a good night's sleep. that's all? that's all. It's that simple, so normal.I'm actually a little disappointed.I thought he was going to want to fly to Italy, or have lunch with the President, or hang out on the beach, or try all the new things he could think of.How can it be perfect that he can only lie there for so many months and can't even lift his feet? He just wants such a normal day?

Then it dawned on me that this is the point. Before I got up to leave that day, Murray asked if he could mention one thing. He said: Your brother. I shuddered.I don't know how Murray knew, it was on my mind.I had been trying to call my brother in Spain for weeks, only to find out through a friend of his that he was often flown to a hospital in Amsterdam for treatment. Mitch, it's sad to know you can't be with someone you care about, but respect and accept his wishes.Maybe he doesn't want to disturb your life, maybe he can't bear the burden.I tell everyone I know to go about their lives and not disrupt their lives just because I'm dying.

I said, but he is my brother. I know, Murray said: that's why it's sad. I picture Peter eight years old, his blond curls in a puff.I saw us wrestle and play in the grass next to our house, the juices staining the knees of our jeans.I saw him singing in front of the mirror, holding a toothbrush as a microphone.I saw the two of us hiding in the attic, playing hide and seek with our parents who called us to dinner. Then I saw him grown up, estranged from his family, sick and frail, emaciated from chemotherapy. I asked: Murray, why doesn't he want to see me? My old professor sighed.There is no formula for the relationship between people, only caring as the starting point, leaving space for both parties to imagine what they want and need, what they can do and their own lives. In business, the starting point is to win, to get what they want.Maybe you're used to this.Love and caring are not the same.Love is empathy for someone else's situation. You and your brother had a life together growing up that you can no longer share with him.You want to relive that time, you don't want to drop it.But life is like this, stop, come again, stop, come again. I looked at him, feeling disheartened and helpless. Murray said: You will get your brother back. how do you know? Murray smiled.You got me back, didn't you? ◇◇◇ Murray said: I heard a good little story told a few days ago.He closed his eyes for a moment, and I waited patiently. good.The story is about a little wave, rolling in the sea, having a good time.He liked the wind and the fresh air, until one day he noticed that other waves were ahead of him, lapping the shore. My God, this is terrible, Xiao Bo said: My final fate is also like this! At this moment, another wave came. Seeing that the little wave was unhappy, he asked him, "Why are you so unhappy?" Xiaobo replied: You don't understand!We'll all flap to the shore!All of us waves will come to naught!Isn't this scary! This wave said: Wrong, you don't understand.You are not a wave, you are part of the ocean. I smile.Murray closed his eyes again. part of the ocean.He said: part of the ocean.I watched him breathe, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.