Chapter 14 kids feel embarrassed

Rose lay on her back with her head hanging down into the sink.My mother hooked up a plumbing fixture to the faucet and, with gentle movements, sprinkled water through her hair.They obviously have a whole routine.They put pillows and towels on Rose's head and my mother washed Rose's drenched hair with her free hand. Honey, is the water hot enough?my mother said. Oh yes dear.very good.Rose closed her eyes: You know what, Charlie, your mother has been doing my hair since I was young. You're still young at heart, Rose.mother said. This is all I have left to be young. They laughed out loud.

I go into the salon and only ask Percy to do my hair.If Percy isn't here, I'll come back the next day.Do you want someone else to do it for you?they asked me.But I said: I don't want anyone to touch me but Percy. You are so cute, Rose.Mother said: But the other hairdressers are also very good. Oh dear, don't you talk.Let me brag a bit.Charlie, your mother always has time to do my hair.When I really can't go to the beauty salon by myself, she will come to my house.Come every week. Her trembling fingers lightly tapped my mother's arm. Darling, thank you for doing this for me.

You're welcome, Rose. You are such a beauty. I watched my mother smile.How could she take such pride in washing someone else's hair? You should check out Charlie's daughter, Rose.Mother said: When it comes to beauties, she is the real charmer. Yeah?what is her name? Her name is Maria.Charlie, she's a heartthrob, isn't she? How should I answer this question?The last time they saw each other was the day their mother died.That was eight years ago.Maria was a teenager at the time.How do I tell her, how much has happened since then?How do I tell her that I've been excluded from my daughter's life?How to tell her that my daughter got married and took her husband's surname?How can I tell her that I am so poor that she won't let me attend her wedding?In the past, my daughter loved me very much, and she really loved me.When I came home from get off work, she always ran to me, raised her hands and shouted: Daddy, hug me!

How could it be like this? Maria felt ashamed of me.I finally said it, in a lisp. Do not be silly.mother said. She looked at me, rubbing shampoo between her hands.I bow my head.I want to drink.I really want to drink it.I can feel her gaze.I heard the sound of her fingers rubbing Rose's hair.One of the worst things that made me feel ashamed in front of my mother was that I was a terrible dad. Rose, you know what?She said suddenly: Charlie never let me cut his hair.Can you believe it?He must go to the barber shop to get a cut. why is that? Oh, you know, when they get to a certain age, they say: Go away, Mom, you go away.

Children feel self-conscious about their parents.Rose said. Children feel self-conscious about their parents.My mother repeated Rose's words. This is real.As a teenager, I pushed my mother away from me.I refuse to sit next to her while watching a movie.Her kisses made me writhe in embarrassment and try to escape.Her fine figure made me feel uncomfortable.I was furious that she was the only divorced woman around me.I want her to act like other people's moms, wear house clothes, make a scrapbook of family life, and bake brownies. Sometimes kids say nasty things, don't they, Rose?You will want to ask: Whose child is this?

Rose giggled. However, they are often just out of pain.They need to address this pain. She glanced at me.Charlie, you have to remember that sometimes kids want to hurt you the way they get hurt. To hurt you the way they were hurt?what did I do?Do I want to see in my mother's face the pain of rejection my father made me feel?Did my daughter do the same to me? Mom, I don't mean anything else.I whispered. What doesn't mean anything? I feel embarrassed.Because of you, or your clothes, or, your situation. She rinsed the shampoo from her hands, then rinsed Rose's scalp. Children will feel that their mother is embarrassing themselves, she said: because they have not lived long enough.

In the small room hung the cuckoo clock, which broke the silence with small chitterings and mechanical sliding sounds.My mother trims Rose's hair with a comb and scissors. The phone rang. Dear Charlie, Rose said: Can you answer the phone for me? I went into the next room and followed the ringing of the phone.Then I saw a telephone hanging on the outside wall of the kitchen. Hello?I speak into the microphone. At this time, everything changed. Charles.Bernato? A man screamed. Charles.Bernato!Can you hear me, Charles? I was petrified. Charles?I know you can hear me!Charles!There was a car accident!Talk to us!

With trembling hands, I hung up the microphone. ◇◇◇ When my mother stood up for me Father has been away for three years.At night, I would be woken up by the sound of my sister walking down the corridor.She was always running into her mother's bedroom.I buried my head in the pillow and continued to sleep. Charlie!My mother suddenly appeared in my room and she whispered: Charlie!where is your bat What?I slurred my words and propped my upper body up on my elbows. Hush!my sister said. bat.mother said. What do you want a bat for? Hush!sister said. She heard some voices. Have robbers broken into the house?

Hush!sister said. My heart beat violently.We kids had heard of flying cat thieves (we thought that kind of thief was just for stealing cats) and burglars who broke into someone's home and tied up the occupants.I immediately imagined we had something worse: Someone had broken into our home with the intention of killing the whole family. Charlie, where's the bat? I point to the wardrobe.My chest bulges.She found my black bat.My sister let go of her mother's hand and jumped onto my bed.My hands grip the mattress, unsure of my role. Mother opened the door.stay in the room.she said softly.I wanted to tell her that she wasn't holding the stick properly, but she was out the door.

My sister trembled beside me.I felt ashamed to stay in the room with my sister.So, while my sister was holding on to the corner of my pajamas so tightly that it seemed to tear, I got out of bed and slipped to the door. In the hallway I heard creaking and creaking in many corners of the house, and I imagined every sound to be a thief approaching with a knife.I heard a soft bang.I hear footsteps.I pictured a huge, red, beast-like figure coming up the stairs, looking for my sister and me.Then, I heard a real sound, a sound of something breaking.Then, I heard voices speaking?Is it the voice of a person speaking?yes.No, no, wait a minute, it's my mother's voice, isn't it?I want to weigh down the stairs.I want to run back to bed.Is the muffled voice I hear another person's voice?A man's voice?

I swallowed. After a while, I heard the sound of a door closing.Close it hard. Then, I heard footsteps approaching. Before the mother arrived, the voice came first.It's okay, it's okay.She said in her normal voice, no longer lowering her throat.She walked into the room quickly, rubbed my head, and walked towards her sister.She drops the bat and it clatters to the ground.My sister is crying.never mind.nothing.mother said. I sat down against the wall.Mother hugs sister.She exhaled a long breath, I have never heard a longer exhalation than that. who is it?I asked. Nothing, no one.she says.But I know she's lying.I know who it is. Come here, Charlie.She held out her hand and I rose slowly, arms hanging by my sides.She pulls me towards her, but I resist.I'm mad at her.I will always be angry with her until one day I leave this house and never come back.I know who that person is.I was angry with her for not allowing her father to stay. All right, Rose.When I walked into the room, my mother said: You will be beautiful later.Just another half hour. Honey, who's calling?Rose asked me. I reluctantly shook my head.My fingers kept shaking. Charlie?Mother asked: Are you okay? It wasn't that I swallowed my saliva: the other party didn't speak. Maybe a salesman.Rose said: If a man answered the phone, the salesman would be scared.They like old ladies like me. I sat down.I suddenly felt exhausted, too tired to lift my chin.What just happened?Whose voice is that?Why did that person know that he could find me here, but he didn't come to arrest me directly?I tried to figure it out, but I felt dizzy even more. Are you tired, Charlie?mother asked. I just give me a moment. I close my eyes. sleep.I heard a voice say this to me, but I couldn't tell which of the two women it was.See how weak I am. ◇◇◇ When my mother stood up for me I was fifteen years old.For the first time in my life I needed to shave.Thin hair grows on my chin and lips.One night, after Roberta fell asleep, my mother called me to the bathroom.She bought me a Gillette safety razor, two stainless steel blades, and a tube of shaving cream. Do you know how to shave? certainly.I said.But I have absolutely no idea what to do. bring it on.she says. I squeeze a dollop of the balm out of the tube and apply it to my face. Spread it evenly.she says. I spread the shaving cream on and on until it's evenly coated on my cheeks and chin.I pick up the razor. careful.She said: scrape in the same direction, don't scrape back and forth. I know.I am not happy.It made me feel uncomfortable doing this in front of my mother.He should have shaved in front of his father.she knows.I also know.But neither of us said it. I did as she instructed.I shave in the same direction and watch the shaving cream being pushed out in a wide line.When the razor brushed against my chin, the blades stuck and I felt my chin was cut. Well, Charlie, are you all right? She held out her hand to me, then withdrew it, as if she knew she shouldn't. don’t worry.I said, and decided to keep scraping. She is watching.I continue to shave.I pulled the razor down and pushed it across my jaw and neck.When I was done, she put her chin in one hand, smiled, and whispered in a British accent: "My God, you will." This made me feel better. Now wash your face.she says. ◆◆◆ When I didn't stand up for my mother Halloween is here.At the age of sixteen, I am no longer suitable for going door to door asking for sweets.But my sister asked me to take her out for candy after dinner. She was convinced that the candy would be better after dark.Joni was a sophomore in high school and was the cheerleader.I was a star player on the varsity baseball team at the time. Let's go a little farther so we can get all kinds of new candies.sister said. It was cold outside, we stuffed our hands in our pockets, and one family asked for candy.Roberta put the incoming candy into a brown brown paper bag.I'm wearing a baseball jacket.Joni is wearing the long-sleeve top of her cheerleading uniform. Trick or treat!A door opened, my sister called. who are you dearsaid the woman.She was about my mother's age, I guess; but she was redheaded and dressed in house clothes, and her eyebrows were really badly drawn. I am a pirate.Roberta said: Mmm. The woman smiled and dropped a chocolate bar into her sister's bag like a dime into a piggy bank.It plopped into the bag. I am her brother.I said. I am with them.Joni said. Do I know your parents? She was about to drop two more chocolate bars into her sister's bag. My mother is Mrs. Bernato.Roberta said. The woman's hand stops.She took the chocolate bar back. You don't mean Mademoiselle Bernato, do you?she says. None of the three of us knew what to say.The expression of the woman in front of her changed, and her drawn eyebrows were tightly frowned. You sweethearts, listen up.Tell your mother, my husband doesn't need to go to the beauty salon next to his shop every day to watch her fashion show.Tell her not to use this crazy brain, did you hear me?Don't use your brains. Joni looked at me.The back of my neck was like fire. Come on, Roberta.I murmured and pulled her away. Must be a family tradition.The woman said: You want to touch everything you see.You tell her what I say!Don't use your brains, hear me? By this time we were almost out of the lawn in front of her house.