Chapter 29 everything is clear

She is your father's wife. How should I interpret this sentence?I have no idea.I can only tell you what my mother's spirit said to me standing in that strange apartment with the painting of the vineyard. She is your father's wife.They met during the war.At that time your father was stationed in Italy.He told you this, right? Said many times.Italy, second half of 1944.The Apennines and the valley of the Po River, not far from Bologna. She lives in a village over there.Her family is very poor.Your father is a soldier.You know how things like this go.At that time, your father was very kind, what should I say?

The mother watched her hands comb the woman's hair. Do you think she is beautiful, Charlie?I always thought she was beautiful.She is still beautiful now.Do not you think so? I feel dizzy.What do you mean, his wife?You are his wife. She nodded slowly. yes i am. You can't have two wives. is not possible.She whispered: You're right, you can't marry two. The woman sniffed. Her eyes were red and tired.She didn't notice my presence.But she seemed to be listening to her mother. I think your father was terrified when he went to war.He didn't know how long this battle would last.Many died fighting in the Apennines.Perhaps, she gave him a sense of security.Perhaps, he thought he would never go home.Who knows?He's a guy who has a plan for everything, your dad always said: have a plan.Have a plan.

I don't know.I said: Dad didn't write that letter to you. right. He proposes to you.you accept. She sighed.When he knew the war was coming to an end, I think, that's when he wished he could switch back to his original plan, the one that said he was going to be with me.Charlie, things change when you're no longer in a dangerous situation.So she pulled the woman's hair from her shoulders.He left her behind. She paused. Your dad is really good at this. I shake my head.but why are you He never told me.He didn't tell anyone.However, as the years passed, he found her again at some point.Or this woman found your father.Finally, your father brought her to America.He started another life, a completely different one, and even bought a second house.in Collingwood.He opened a new store there, remember?

The woman puts down the comb.The mother withdrew her hands and was caught by the woman, who pulled her mother's hand towards her chin. All these years, your father wanted me to cook macaroni that tasted like hers.She sighed: For some reason, this still hurts me. Then she told the whole story.How she found out about it.She asked once why they had never received a bill for his hotel in Collingwood.He said he paid the bill in cash.She became suspicious.One Friday night, she hired babysitting and drove nervously to Collingwood by herself.She weaved up and down the street until she saw his Buick parked in the driveway of a strange house.At this time, she wept bitterly.

I'm shaking, Charlie.I forced myself out of the car.I quietly went to the window of the house and looked inside.They are having dinner.Your father's shirt is unbuttoned to reveal his underwear, just as he was in our house.He was sitting, eating his food at a leisurely pace, looking very relaxed, as if he lived there.He passed the plate to the woman, and she stops. Are you sure you want to know these things? Confused, I nodded. their son. What? How many years older than you. a boy? When I said those words, my voice became sharp. I'm sorry, Charlie. I felt dizzy, as if I fell to the ground with my face up from a height.Even when I tell you that passage now, I still feel unable to say it.My father, who wants my devotion and allegiance to his clique, this one called ours; this man in our family, who is he, has another son?

Does he play baseball too?I whispered. My mother looked at me, bewildered. Charlie, she was on the verge of tears: I really don't know. The woman in the bathrobe opened a small drawer and rummaged through a few scraps of paper.Is she really what my mother said she was?She looks Italian.Her age seems to be in line with these things.I imagined the picture of my father meeting her.I picture them together.I don't know anything about this woman or this apartment, but I feel my father's presence in every corner of the room. ♦ That night, I drove home, Charlie.The mother said: "I sat on the pavement and waited.I don't even want his car to come into our driveway.After midnight, he returned.I'll never forget the look on his face the moment his headlights fell on me.Because at that moment, I think he knew his business was found out.

I got in the car and asked him to roll up and close the windows.I don't want anyone to hear me.Then, I exploded.I exploded so hard that he couldn't tell any lies.He finally admitted it and told me who he was, where they met, what he had done, etc.I feel dizzy.My stomach hurts like hell and I can't sit up straight.You expect many things in marriage, but who can watch themselves being replaced by others like this? She turned around, facing the wall.Her eyes fell on the painting of the vineyard. I didn't know until a few months later that it really hit me.The minute I sat in his car, I was just so pissed off.And heartbroken.He swore he was sorry for me.He swore he didn't know he had a son, and when he knew he felt obliged to do something about it.I don't know which of his words are true and which are false.Even if your dad yells, he can still come up with an explanation for everything.

But none of that matters.it's over.do you understand?I could forgive him anything, but this betrayed you and your sister too. She turned around and faced me. You have a home, Charlie.For better or worse, you have a home.You can't trade your home for something else.You can't lie to your family.You can't run two homes at the same time, and then sometimes replace this with this one, and sometimes replace this with that one. Home is like home when you are with your family. She sighed. So I have to make a decision. I try to imagine that horrible moment.In the car, past midnight, with the windows all closed, two figures screamed silently from the outside.I picture our family sleeping in one house and the other in another, both with my dad's clothes hanging in their closets.

I imagined that charming Percy in the small town of Pipeville Beach had lost the life she had had that night, all falling apart before her eyes.Then I knew it had to be number one on this list of times my mother stood up for me. Mom, I finally whispered: What did you say to him? I want him to leave.Never come back. And so I know what happened the night before the breakfast crisp shattered in her hands. There are many things in my life that I wish I could take back: There are many moments in my life that I wish I could rearrange.But if I could only get one chance to do it all over again, I would want to change a moment: but not for myself, but for my daughter Maria.That Sunday afternoon, she came to find grandma and found grandma collapsed on the bedroom floor.She shook Granny to wake her up; she started screaming.I rushed out of the room and returned to the room. I didn't know whether to call for help or let grandma go to help.This really shouldn't have happened to her.She is just a child.

I think after that, I found it difficult to face my wife and daughter.I think this is why I drink so hard.I think that's why I clamored like a child to live another way, because deep down I didn't feel qualified to live the old life.I ran away.This avoidance made me resemble my father in a pathetic way.Two weeks later, in the quiet of my bedroom, I confessed to Catherine about where I had been that day.Instead of a business trip, I flew to a stadium in Pittsburgh to play baseball while my mother lay on the ground, barely conscious, about to die.Catherine kept looking at me as if she wanted to say something, but she never said it.

In the end, she only said: At this point, this matter is not important, right? Mother walked across the small bedroom and stood by the only window in the room.She drew the curtain aside. It was dark outside.she says. Behind us, in front of the mirror, the Italian woman looks down, flipping through the papers in her hands. Mom, I said: Do you hate her? She shook her head.Why should I hate her?She just wanted things that I wanted too.But she didn't get it either.Their marriage also ended.Your father moves on.Like I said, he's pretty good at it. She clutched her elbow, as if feeling cold.The woman in front of the mirror buried her face in her hands, weeping softly. Secrets, whispered the mother: Secrets will tear you apart. The three of us stayed there in silence for a while.The two fall into their own worlds.Then, my mother turned and faced me. you have to go.she says. Walk?I choked up: where to go?Why do you want me to go? But before you go, Charlie she takes my hands: I want to ask you something first. Her eyes filled with tears. Why do you want to commit suicide? I trembled.For a second, I couldn't breathe. you know? She smiled sadly. I am your mother. My body started to twitch.I let out a sigh of relief.Mom I'm not what you think I mess things up.I drink too much.I messed up everything.i lost my family no charlie Yes, that is, I am.My voice trembled: I'm broken Catherine is gone, Mom.I pushed her away Maria, I wasn't even in her life She got married and I didn't even set foot in the wedding scene I was an outsider to everything I loved I was an outsider My chest bulges.And your last day I never should have left you I could never tell you I was so ashamed that I hung my head. I'm so sorry for you I'm fine That's all I said.I cried and slid to the floor.I cried uncontrollably.I poured out everything inside of me, wailing loudly.The room began to shrink, so small that it became a puff of heat behind my eyeballs.I don't know how long it's been like this.When I was able to speak again, my voice became very agitated and raspy. I want it to stop, mother this anger, this guilt.that's why i want to die I looked up, admitting the truth to someone for the first time. I gave up.I whispered. do not give up.she whispered to me. I put my head down.I'm not ashamed to say that.I buried my head in my mother's arms, her arms wrapped around my neck.We just cuddled like this, just for a moment.But I can't describe in words how much comfort this moment brought me.All I can say as I speak to you now is that I still long to have that moment. I wasn't with you when you died, Mom. You have something to do. I lied.That's the worst lie I've ever told I'm not for work.I'm out for a game of balls, a stupid ball game, I want to please so much your dad. She nodded tenderly. I just found out that she knew it all along. In the other corner of the room, the Italian woman pulled her bathrobe together.She clasped her hands as if in prayer.What a weird trio of us, each of us, at some point, longed for the love of the same man.I could hear him talking, forcing me to make a decision: Mama's son or Daddy's son, Cheek?Which one do you want? I made the wrong choice.I whispered. Mother shook her head. Children should never be asked to make this choice. The Italian woman stood up.She wiped her eyes, pulling herself together.She put her fingers on the edge of the dresser and pushed the two items together.Mother motioned for me to move forward.Then, I saw what the woman had been looking at just now. A photograph of a young man wearing a graduation cap.I presume it was her son. The other thing is my baseball card. Her eyes moved up, to the mirror.She saw our reflection in the mirror.The three of us, framed in the mirror, are like a weird family photo.For the first time and only once, I felt that she really saw me. Perdonare.The woman mumbled a foreign word. Everything around him disappeared in an instant.