Chapter 4 Chapter Four

After Bill dropped me off in front of my house, I couldn't bring myself to go in, so I went around the back of the house and walked across the grass toward the prairie.The dense clumps of daylilies are in full bloom, forming a natural labyrinth of unknown direction, spreading to the edge of the forest, and a dozen tall blueberry bushes are also full of white flowers.I approached one of them and rubbed the delicate flower gently with the palm of my hand.Sally, Rick, and I walked this trail together before we moved here, and I still remember how excited Sally was when I showed her this huge blueberry bush.She waved her hands in the air, stretched her arms, took every blueberry plant around her into her arms, and shouted: When the blueberries are ripe, you father and son will come to pick the fruit, and I promise to bake a bunch of blueberry pies and blueberry muffins , You can eat as much as you want!

I gently broke off a short budding shrub branch and put it in my jacket pocket. After that, I hesitated and walked up a slope to an oval pond and sat on a flat granite rock. The three of them were also sitting on the big rock by the pond.The real estate agent told us there were two types of bass in the pond, and I promised Rick that when we moved in, he would have his own fishing rod and I would teach him how to use it.Now I have no chance to teach him again. I finally made my way back to the end of the house, through the side door of the attached double garage, and flipped on the switch for the ceiling light.I hadn't touched my Lincoln in over three weeks, so I walked slowly around the car, checked the tires, and made sure none had a leak.The other parking space is naturally empty at the moment.There were two small drops of brown oil stains on the concrete floor, but there was no sign that a car had ever been parked in this space.On the wall on the left, closest to the hallway leading to the kitchen, hung Rick's seven-year-old birthday present, a red, majestic street rocker bike with twenty-inch wheels and an unscratched body.

In the kitchen, I made myself a cup of instant coffee to wash down my peanut butter-smothered salty soda crackers (which I ate nearly every day).I sat down at the narrow pine dining table, the table with the six chairs that Sally had learned was at Georges.She insisted on buying the antiques completed before Washington proclaimed the year when he became the first president of the United States.Now I find myself staring at the antique and decorative work facing me on the kitchen wall, a needlework called a cross-stitch drawing.More memories flooded my mind.After a day's chores, my beloved mother would sit in her wicker chair, hum softly, and cross-stitch rows of flowers on a towel-sized square of tea-dyed cloth. Letters, flowers, country scenes, fruits, or even a whole poem, the embroidery threads come in every imaginable color, and some cross-stitch pictures are done in this context.Her patience in handling the tiniest details, combined with her talent for embroidery, have resulted in her creations winning several times in highly competitive competitions and winning medals at county fairs throughout New Hampshire.

This cross-stitch picture in our kitchen, consisting of two rows of fonts in different styles, with uppercase and lowercase letters, was a wedding gift from my mother to Sally and I, and we moved to a new place after we got married. , be sure to hang it in the kitchen.Some people hang old horseshoes in their house for good luck, Sally said to my mother once, but in our house the mascot is the precious cross-stitch drawing you gave us.We've lived in a lot of places over the years, but none have a kitchen quite like the rustic feel of this home, making the embroidered paintings feel more homely.The picture is framed but not glassed (as the ancients did, I remember my mother saying so).Her name and date of completion are embroidered on the lower edge of the painting: Elizabeth.Margaret.Harding, August 1954.I was four years old that year.

Sitting in the very quiet room, I sip my coffee and pinch biscuit crumbs, staring almost hypnotically at the dazzling embroidery with which I have spent so many years in my life, At this moment, I suddenly remembered the way my mother faced death, even my father's death.My mother's religious beliefs are very pious. Whenever someone dies in Bran Town, no matter if the deceased is a stranger or a friend, she must make a special trip to the funeral home or the deceased's residence to attend the wake-up ceremony.When I was very young, she used to take me with her instead of leaving me in the care of neighbors.Now, sitting in the kitchen, I see her hand-made cross-stitch drawings in front of me, and I can easily think of how she visited bereaved families.I'm pretty sure that her powerful words of comfort haven't changed over the years, and it wasn't long ago that I found myself saying the same thing when I was expressing my condolences to a bereaved friend.

My mother would first hug a grieving spouse, child or parent and say in a very gentle voice: You shouldn't cry anymore, wipe your tears away.Just remember, your Robert is in Heaven now, and he wouldn't want to trade us for a return to Earth. I bent forward, burying my head in my arms.John, I can almost hear my mother's soft voice again: You shouldn't cry anymore, wipe your tears.Just remember, your Sally and Rick are in heaven now, and they wouldn't want to trade us back to Earth. On Friday morning, I was woken up by the roar of an electric lawn mower.Barbie.Compton and the employees of his home landscaping company perform their weekly lawn mowing routine.Instead of covering my head with a pillow like I've been doing for weeks, I rolled out of bed, showered, shaved, put on some new jeans and a clean sweatshirt, and went outside to say hello to Bobby.As soon as he saw me, he put down the lawn mower in his hand, walked towards me quickly, held out his hand and said to me: Mr. Harding, I am very sorry for what happened to you.

I nod.Thanks, Barbie. We come here every Friday to mow the lawn, and I tried to get in touch with you, but with no luck, I couldn't find you.Do you think turf is okay? certainly.I'm glad to have your help.The yard looks great! Do you have any special needs?No, just do the yard the way you do it now. Mr. Harding, I ran into Mrs. Kelly in the town shop yesterday.She is terribly worried about you.She said that she passed by here several times and tried to call, but she couldn't reach you. Rose.Kelly was Sally's hired cleaner who came in one day a week to tidy up our house.It's only been a few weeks and our whole family has fallen in love with her, almost treating her like family.Rick even started calling her grandma.

Thanks, Bobby.I will contact her.Have a great day. Good luck to you too, Mr. Harding. I drank juice, coffee, and two bagels, then called Rose. Mr. Harding, oh my God, how good to hear your voice again! I'm glad to hear your voice too.I miss you so much, and I know I need you.Please forgive me for not calling you, before that, I Oh, I understand, sir. All in all, the place is getting dirty and dusty.I haven't done much, since I get it, and I feel sad too.how are you today?I can go there now, or is it inconvenient for me to go to the house now? Of course you can come now or any other time.Just Rose, you gotta knock on the front door hard.There was a problem with the doorbell.

In less than twenty minutes, she had already arrived at my door.We hugged each other for a long time and shed some tears, and then she straightened her kerchief and headed for the small room with the long broom on the first floor.Rose is in her late 60s, can't possibly weigh more than a hundred pounds, but is very strong, and she proves once again that she is strong by carrying our powerful vacuum cleaner through the halls of the house. strong.She only rested for a while and ate a light lunch that she brought herself and packed in a paper bag as usual. It was not dark yet, and the whole house looked spotless.The old woman came into my study to say good night, and I jumped up, went to her, and kissed her on the cheek.

What about next week?she asked.How is Thursday as usual? I hold out my hand.In the palm of my hand was the backup key that Sally and I planned to give to Rose, a decision that had been made a few days before Sally's car accident.Just Thursday.Now you have the key to use. When I am not at home in the future, you can still enter the door and clean the house as usual, okay? She nodded, teary-eyed.Then she bit her lower lip several times, took a deep breath, and then said: Mr. Harding, when I was cleaning today, I found that there are a lot of Sally's things in the house, as you know, they are everywhere.I didn't know how to ask what you were going to do with those things, so I just left everything where it was.

that's it.I will pack up a little bit, but, even if I put everything away, I am afraid that her figure will still remain in every place. Tears rolled down Rose's face now.I didn't know what to do with the stuff in the kids' room, so I just made the bed, put some toys in the toy box, and cleaned the dust. Thanks, Rose.See you next week. I turned and walked to the desk and sat down, resting my chin on the palms of both hands.What am I doing?Maintaining the garden?What for?Vacuum the house?Pick up Rick's toys?Why?What's the point of doing that?Damn it!Damn it!I jerked open the lower right corner drawer of my desk and stared at the ugly, loaded pistol.The same old questions were blowing up in my head.What is the meaning of living?Who do you live for?For whom?On my desk was the old brown baseball, with its cut and frayed skin, that Bill had handed me as he staggered away from the field the other day when I left the field with me.I picked it up and held it in my hand against my cheek.Oh God, please help me!