Chapter 3 Chapter 3 Breathe quietly

Walk about 50 meters to the ancient Ciardini Street in front of the studio, and you will see the majestic and heroic figure of the Bellagio Palace.This is Luca, a famous wealthy businessman in Florence.A private residence built by Bellagio in the second half of the fifteenth century. I often come here during my lunch break.In the Palatine Gallery in the Bellagio Palace, there are many famous paintings of Raphael that I like.There I can get a close look at Anuello, Daughter of the Veil.Doni's portrait, as well as masterpieces such as the Madonna on a small chair.But what pleases me the most is the Madonna of the Grand Duke that adorns the Saturnalia.As soon as I saw that day, I felt peace of mind.

Every Madonna painted by Raphael is full of serene and beautiful beauty.There is a tenderness and loveliness missing in many Madonnas painted by other Renaissance painters.I don't know when, I superimposed the image of the Madonna of the Grand Duke with the image of my ideal mother.Whenever I feel lonely, I come here, looking up at her in a daze, and sincerely revealing my heart to the statue of the Grand Duke's Madonna. You seem to appreciate that painting. I came to see the Madonna of the Grand Duke almost every day, and one day I was accosted by the overseer of the Saturnalia. I like it so much that I want to steal it from here.

When I said that in Italian, she immediately put on a guarding posture, pointed at me and said: As long as I am here to monitor, this is absolutely impossible.We looked at each other and smiled. When I told her I didn't have a mother, she nodded slightly with a delicate expression. I came here to meet my mother quietly!I revealed to her a secret I had never told anyone.When a person wants to talk, anyone can be the one to confide in. I think the Madonna painted by Raphael is the most beautiful Madonna in the world, and people from all over the world will stop here to appreciate his paintings.I am from Urbino as much as Rafael.It's a great source of pride for someone born in that city, and I'm proud of the life I've been sitting here watching his work.

I nod.Then she told me everything she knew about Raphael.From the youth known as a prodigy, he became an artist in front of the Pope and enjoyed great wealth, power and fame in the Roman era; in contrast to the stubborn Michelangelo, he is cute, bright, cheerful and gentle, and has a handsome face Appearance, a gorgeous half life that can be called a miracle He died young at the age of thirty-seven.If he lived as long as Da Vinci, I don't know how many wonderful masterpieces he would have created! I agreed with her and said: I think so too. Hey, look carefully, you look like Raphael!

We stared at each other's faces and laughed.It has been several years now, and for some unknown reason, the monitor disappeared not long after, and a tall African-American male sat in her place. Every time I see the man sitting by the column, I seem to see another kind of time flowing powerfully and relentlessly in painting.In this way, these paintings fly through time and space, and survive through the hands of various people. One day, this African-American monitor will give up his seat to someone else.The Palais Bellagio has existed for centuries, and the people who manage it and the people who visit it change with time.Just like me, I only had a short life before the life of these paintings.

With the help of excellent first-class restorers and advanced science, this painting has been brought back to life several times, living in a nearly infinite eternal life.Although I have no possibility of directly breathing life into this painting, my colleagues will do their best to breathe new life into it.That alone makes me proud of my work and honored to be part of the end of it. Facing the Madonna of the Grand Duke, imagining the other end of the melancholy gaze that looks like Aoi quietly looking down obliquely, I am fascinated by the unfading beauty of the Madonna hundreds of years ago.It was as if Raphael was still alive.No, the painter is still alive.His soul is still in this painting.

In the evening, I went with my teacher to a familiar painting shop on Kabul Street.Cross the old bridge, pass through the crowded tourists on the Consul Square, enter the city center, pass the lively Kazavoli Street, and come to the cathedral.The teacher hooked my arm from time to time.Of course, it was just a natural behavior of her in a very short moment when she was in a good mood, and she quickly dispelled my wish to be like this forever, she smiled and gently retracted her hand. Summer is approaching.Sweating slightly.The days grow longer, and though it is evening, the sun is still strong.When you look up at where the sun comes from, you see the dome of the cathedral.Suddenly thought of Aoi.Sunlight dances around the perimeter of the dome.

What's the matter?The teacher who was walking a little ahead, looked back at me who stopped and looked up at the cathedral. A while ago, I also saw you standing still and looking up I have nothing to hide from the teacher.Like a teenager whose mood has been seen through, I shrugged my jaw slightly and shrugged. Do you have any memories? The teacher's gentle voice tickled his ears.I shake my head.It's not a memory, it's a promise. Agreement? The teacher smiled and looked up at the dome with me.A few pigeons flew up from the dome, and their flapping shadows fell gracefully on the walls of the cathedral.

Promises are in the future, memories are in the past.Memories and promises have very different meanings. I looked at the teacher's face.The sunlight splashed on that peaceful expression, making the transparent skin look whiter, tenderer and more radiant. We are always anxious because we cannot see the future. In fact, there is no need to be anxious. Although the future cannot be seen, it is different from the past and will definitely come. I peeked into the teacher's pupils. However, there is little hope for this future. The teacher suppressed a smile. It's a painful future for me.

Even if the hope is small and painful, as long as the possibility is not zero, don't give up.The teacher said, patted me on the shoulder, and looked at this city. This is a city that has gone back to the past. Everyone lives in the past, and there are no modern high-rise buildings everywhere.Even in Kyoto, there are still a few brand-new buildings, right?Same goes for Paris.But look here, a city where time has stood still since medieval times.A city that sacrifices the future to preserve the past. I look around the square.Indeed, there is not a single new building here.The appearance of the ancient building remains as it was when it was built.The entire city has been preserved without compromising its historic beauty.

Not just cities.The people who live here are exaggerating to say that they are dedicating all their lives to protect this city.There are no new jobs for young people.Either heritage conservation work like ours, or tourism.The staggeringly high tax dollars are all used to restore the city.However, the city is gradually aging, and even if it is restored, it will gradually be destroyed.Cold in winter and hot in summer.People live in the past with no future at all.So the future is not zero, you are happy! After the teacher finished speaking, he started to move forward.I followed the teacher and looked back at the dome again as I walked out of the square.I don't think Aoi will remember the promise.That agreement is not so clear, like a joke, and like the wind blowing When I came out after shopping in the painting supplies store, I happened to meet Yashi.She is coming home from school on a rare occasion.I took the opportunity to introduce Yashi to Giovanna, but it was my mistake not to say that Yashi was a lover.I said she was a friend, which made Yashi very upset.The teacher seemed to understand Yashi's strong personality, and said as if he wanted to avoid the jealousy that came to him: I remembered one more thing, Shunzheng, after sending these things back to the studio, everything will be fine today. She turned to Yashi again and said: Next time, the three of us will have a meal together and talk slowly!Turn around and leave after speaking.When the two of us were left, Yashi also left me and walked away in the opposite direction from the teacher. Why are you acting like a child? I chased after her and said to her profile.She turned her head abruptly: You are the one who looks like a child!Why don't you introduce me as your lover?What friend, when did I become your ordinary friend?when?Because this is Italy!You don't need to care about me, do you?Even if she is a teacher, it would still be rude to call me a friend to my face!What would you think if you stood in my position?If I say that Shunzheng is just my ordinary friend?Too cruel!Terrible!I didn't expect you to be such a despicable and cowardly person! I hugged the paper bag full of painting tools again, and hurriedly caught up with Yashi.Everyone who passed us smiled at us.Looking back, I can still see the teacher's back in the distance.Although the teacher couldn't hear it, I was still worried. Everyone is watching, don't be so loud! How did you become a Japanese man now?You are the one who yelled loudly! It's useless to say anything.I had no choice but to silently follow Yashi who was full of anger. When I was with Aoi, I was always the one who got angry like Mei.Aoi never reveals her feelings.No matter what the situation, she is the calmest one. Although I was not as capricious as Yashi at that time, I was still a childish man.Aoi was the first girl I had a serious relationship with. I didn't know how to use force, and I often used too much force. I always hoped that she would always look at me. I used to be madly jealous.When I saw Aoi and a strange boy talking intimately in front of the stairs of the Wenlian Building, I felt like when Yashi saw me and Giovanna together.Aoi's expression was a little displeased at that moment, and from that moment on, my heart became stubborn. Aoi introduced me as Agata-kun to the boy, and told me that he was Takeda-kun in the same tone.So the boy smiled and said, "It's awkward to call me Takeda-san, so just call me as usual." After the boy left, I yelled at Xiang Kui in an unstoppable voice: How do you usually call him so intimately? Aoi did not lose her composure, and whispered with a smile that tolerated my jealousy: We have known each other since we were young. Such unilateral provocations have continued.Aoi always tolerates me, who is very jealous, like an older sister.Looking back now, that kind of relationship situation should not last long. I regret it.It's a pity that time can't be turned back, but just keep running forward.I stood a little away, looked at Yashi's back, and sighed continuously. After wandering aimlessly in the ancient capital of Florence, Yashi and I walked into a restaurant on the banks of the Aruno River and sat opposite each other by the window.Yashi still refused to make eye contact with me.She drank wine like water, as if she was going to get so drunk that she could pretend to be crazy.Then, I also ordered a portion of food that two people couldn't finish. Sprout first drank the vegetable soup of cabbage, beans and parsley stewed in old bread, then ate white bean macaroni, and finally ate up the famous Tuscan dish of veal tripe stewed in tomatoes.It's really not the amount that ordinary girls usually eat, even the clerk looked at her in surprise. From time to time, I whispered to her that enough is enough, but instead of listening, she stuffed things into her mouth angrily. In the end, I had to help Yashi, who almost drank a bottle of wine by herself, back to her apartment.Holding painting tools in my left hand and buds in my right, I walked on the dark streets of Florence. Oddly enough, for some reason, I still don't dislike such childish buds.Although I can be sure that I don't know how much I like her, but the more she looks like a child, the more I can smell the similarity I used to have in Yashi from a different angle from Aoi. Feeling the warmth of Yashi's flesh on the inside of my right arm, I climbed the slope leading to her apartment.Sweat oozing from the inside of your body is anything but unpleasant.The more I reflect on myself who never lived like this for anyone, the more I understand that for me now, Yashi is a simple woman who is more human than anyone else. Yingzhu is in the apartment.I quickly narrated the whole story and moved Yashi to the bed together.When the exhausted Yashi fell asleep, I had a slightly different feeling for her than I had in the past.So what to say?Should I say it feels like a father? After drinking the black tea that Yingzhu made, I entrusted Yingzhu with the rest and left there.As if someone was pulling me down the slope, I walked down the slope I had just climbed up with my painting tools in my arms.The cool evening wind of early summer blowing from the river bulged my shirt.After suppressing the sweat a little, I took a deep breath. Walking into the studio, there is a narrow triangular atrium in front of you.Holding my painting tools in my arms, I walked into the stone pavement that is usually used as a bicycle parking place.The lights were still on in the workplace.Is there anyone left in there?I looked at my watch, it was past eleven o'clock.Wary in my heart that it may be a thief, I quietly peeped in through the window. The place where the light is on is the innermost workplace.After a little hesitation, I walked in more carefully.Someone's breath was heard, and a low voice was also heard.The people inside didn't seem to notice me. Driven by curiosity, I went further inside. Two wriggling figures under the light.I see white skin.Thinking it might be the teacher, he stared intently and confirmed that it was Takanashi and Angelo who were embracing and kissing on the sofa. The faint light made the outlines of their faces appear in the darkness like line drawings.Not long after, I met Angelo's eyes who were kissing Takanashi.Angelo's eyes widened, conveying his shock.The back of Takanashi's head covered half of Angelo's face.I couldn't walk away for a while, so I could only stare at Angelo silently. Takanashi lost her usual calm, turned her back to me and hugged Angelo excitedly.I remembered Angelo's eyes that seemed to be pouring out, like the dim and timid eyes of a person whose private parts were peeped.I turned around quietly, put the painting tools on my desk, and walked around the room with a sound that even Takanashi could hear.A certain feeling makes me very unhappy. I was dizzy and almost suffocating.In Florence, where nothing serious happens, there is only a strange light around me.I ran outside, took a deep breath, and the full moon was looking down at me again.Whenever something happens, the full moon shines brightly. After that day, the usual boring conversations in the workplace temporarily disappeared.Although I felt Angelo's gaze from time to time, Takanashi ignored me.The teacher who didn't know the inside story joked: Oh, why is Angelo so listless?The three of them immediately looked away, silently pretending to be immersed in their work. About a week after witnessing what happened to Takanashi and Angelo.On that day, I stayed in the studio and was carefully examining the Francesca François, who was active in the seventeenth century, with microscopes and X-rays.Kosha's oil painting, Angelo who had gone back first appeared again. You see, the ancient varnish resin on the support and interlining, only the resin part remains, and the canvas has hardened. I am careful not to touch on the events of the previous night, and deliberately talk about the difficulties of restoring this oil painting. Leave it alone, the canvas will definitely deteriorate if it continues like this, so it won't work if you don't get rid of it. I'm not asking for his permission, and I'm not talking to myself.I delicately calculated the distance from Angelo, trying not to step into his heart.But Angelo stood still. It may be very troublesome. I stared at Angelo's face and said, he sighed slightly. You saw that incident, I don't intend to justify anything, but I hate Takanashi. Angelo's pupils absorbed the light in the room and emitted a dull light. I recalled that night when he was staring at me, eyes that seemed to jump out of their sockets, as flustered as if a lover was bumped into an adulterous scene.When Angelo found me, Takanashi was still slow and unresponsive, but did he really not notice?Or did you discover my existence earlier than Angelo, and just made those actions on purpose?Thinking about it now, Takanashi's excitement at that time seemed to be artificial for a third party to see.Contrary to Angelo's uneasiness, Takanashi was extraordinarily calm. It happened suddenly, despite my resistance. I was offended by Angelo's way of speaking as if explaining to a lover.I do not want to hear.That's not what I want to know.I silently concentrated on my work.Angelo still stood where he was and had no intention of leaving. Junzheng, what I like is not Takanashi, but you. I stopped working and stared at Angelo. Hey, can you please not involve me in your emotional disputes? After I finished speaking sharply, Angelo bowed humbly, spread his hands and said: I liked you from the beginning. At this moment, I thought it would be better to leave the studio, and started packing up Kosha's oil paintings. Angelo looked like he was about to cry.I feel his sincere eyes, but always relative to each other coldly.I put the painting back on the shelf and walked past Angelo.Angelo chased outside the studio and blocked my way. Angelo, I don't have that much affection, I put all my heart on my own lover I finished speaking with all my might.Angelo's shoulders were slumped, only his big eyes were moist on his pale face.I patted him on the shoulder lightly like the teacher usually does and left. Walking out of the studio, the street is still very lively.It's because of Friday.The old bridge was crowded with tourists, and the singing of drunken young people sounded.I had no intention of going straight home, and walked towards the apartment of Yashi, who was still making a fuss. I gazed at the murky waters of the Aruno River.Following the usual riverside walk, the car rushed past.The cars in this city don't always control the speed.In this city full of the past, perhaps the only thing that can be linked to the present is the car.Perhaps it is for this reason, driving is like chasing the opposite sex, speeding up one by one. As I walked, I thought about Aoi.We often walk side by side in Hanegi Park.Whenever I got tired of my apartment next to the park, we would go for a walk with a snack and a beer.Although we didn't live together, there was a period when we frequently traveled to each other's apartments.So happy.I hold Aoi tightly in my heart.She is by my side every single moment of the day. We often sit side by side on the benches on the small high hills in the park, looking up at the moon that illuminates the night sky.The world revolves around the two of us.As long as she is by my side, I seem to be able to do anything.But what does Aoi think?Although she is living in such a happy era, she always has an expression of not being able to believe in the future, which makes me feel uneasy all the time. I love you! When was the first time you said this sentence?It is a day not so far from the happy time.Before that, we were not like other young people, we just said we liked you to each other.Despite the physical relationship, we use the word love sparingly.No, not us.Aoi never used the word love in front of me. After waiting for a long time, Aoi didn't respond. I asked her uneasily: Don't you love me? Aoi looked away and said: That's not the case. That's not the case, how can I explain it in Japanese? Aoi looked confused.The well-intentioned explanation is that she attaches great importance to the word love, but she can also do the exact opposite. I wanted to pull the word love clearly out of her mouth. Can't you say you love me? I asked impatiently.It was the first time that Aoi said that she loved you, and her voice was too low to be heard.I should be happy, but I just can't express my joy calmly. I remembered the scene where she introduced her childhood friend in front of the Bunlian Museum, and felt sad that there was another Aoi somewhere I didn't know. Since then, I no longer ask for confirmation of Aoi having sex. I cannot but feel that the word love is only an ancient fraud. Is there really a life without regrets in the world?I have been regretting it.I feel like I can't escape regret for the rest of my life.When thinking this way, the footsteps felt heavy.Looking up at the gentle slope.Saw the lights of Bud's apartment on the bend.I stood there, hesitating what to do.