Chapter 13 Chapter Thirteen Sunshine

Thinking stops completely.Dazed and vain like a puppet.Leaning on the worn seat of a four-seater box on the Florence-to-Milan train. Three stormy days.Like a storm and a flood of light. sunflower. The setting sun shone on the profile of Shun Zheng who had stood up.A more refined face than when he was a student. I am coming! I say that there is no meaning in words.I couldn't take my eyes off Shunzheng. We stare at each other.In the early summer dusk on the top of the cathedral, which is slightly cool in a T-shirt. I am waiting for you! always like this.Shunzheng's words reassure me.From the bottom of my heart.

Um! I nodded vigorously.I couldn't believe that Shunzheng and I were standing in front of me. Happy thirtieth birthday! Shunzheng smiled lightly.Smile.forget.This man's smile is so natural and gentle. I didn't expect you to come. Shunzheng's voice sounded rather disturbing. I thought you had forgotten that promise. Because I heard that you were living happily, I thought you would never come. happiness?I have absolutely no idea.Already forgot.Both Ma Wu and Milan are as far away as in the story. But here you are. Shun Zheng said.The more Shunzheng repeated words, the more I didn't know what to do.I don't want Shunzheng to be bothered, but I don't know what to do.

We stand still.Overwhelmed like a teenager.Between trembling joy and hopeless uneasiness.Under a rosy and blue sky. ten years.It felt like it was just a small paragraph.It seems that if you pinch it and remove it, it never existed.ten years.But at the same time, it was a long time that made people feel dizzy. I've been, have been waiting for this day. I would love to say stop talking, stop talking. I approached Shunzheng for a few steps as if being sucked in, wrapping my arms around Shunzheng's neck.gently.Afraid to ruin this moment!I was also afraid that I would be destroyed in this moment.

I feel Shunzheng's hands hugging me tightly.Feel the warmth of the skin on the back of the neck.Whether it was Shunzheng's arm that was the first to exert force, or I hugged him tightly first, I don't remember. Always wanted to be like this. I think so. It's even more unbelievable that it hasn't been like this in such a long time than it is now. Shunzheng. I am so excited that I can only say this. The train runs forward.Outside the window is a drab rural landscape, with faded pink and earthy yellow rough buildings here and there. The businessman sitting diagonally across from him had his overly long feet bent awkwardly, with his suitcase on his knees, reading a newspaper.

It felt like the train moved with the air around me like luggage, more than I felt when I was on the train.Very mechanical. Shunzheng walked down the narrow stairs with me.Very strange mood.When I climbed up alone just now, I couldn't imagine such a situation of going downstairs in a peaceful manner. We wandered the streets of Florence.A gentle wind blows. Shunzheng is familiar with the streets of Florence. I live here. This sentence surprised me.Shun is living in Florence.in Florence.In this small town that is close to Milan and abandoned in history. Pain like annoyance tightened his chest.ten years.Everything is beyond my belief.

Standing on the bridge looking at the Aruno River.The river flows calmly and slowly.The dusk when there are many toy-like specialty shops. Sorry, I hadn't thought of that at all. Shun Zheng said apologetically. It's strange to come to the appointed place on the appointed day, but because I didn't expect to see you, I didn't think about where to go or what to do after meeting. He seemed genuinely overwhelmed. Street lights began to come on along the boulevards along the river.The west-slanting sun was still hanging in the sky, so the light from the street lamps was not conspicuous.It was so inconspicuously lit up one by one.

I know. I said. me too.Really didn't expect to meet you.Nothing to think about, nothing to think about. We walked some more, then ate at a small restaurant. Shunzheng chose an inexpensive but mellow red wine.The action is beautiful and poured into the mouth. Very drinkable! Shunzheng smiled lightly as if being told something unexpected, and replied: Alas, got used to it. I thought about Shunzheng that I didn't know for ten years. The food was delicious, but none of us ate much.Not the time to eat. Sorry for staring at you. When Shunzheng said that, I felt like he was scolding me.I know it's impolite, but I just can't take my eyes off Shunzheng.We stared at each other like unrestrained lovers.In a sense of unreality that transcends love.

Unreality. Indeed.In that radiant, almost unbelievable bliss, we all knew it was the majestic brilliance of phantoms, and we knew it but accepted it persistently.The brilliance of the phantom.It is as if the majesty at sunset permeates every corner of our body. A Xingshunzheng. I looked at the man in front of me with complete trust.The thick and soft black hair, the eyes that sensitively respond to every surprise and joy, the light-colored lips that smile shyly from time to time, and the neck line that feels rich in life. I know.I have loved each of them, and I still love them now. After eating the dessert made of pears and Parmesan cheese, we walked out of the restaurant and strolled in the comfortable and calm night air.There is no time to think about where to live, and if you want to go back to Milan, you have to go to the station at this moment.

This air, I said: there is an air that exists naturally, and I haven't breathed it for a long time. Florence is a quiet little town.At this time of night, tourists like us are still wandering around, but it highlights the quietness of the small town itself.A city without new buildings. We went to the old bar downstairs of the hotel where Shunzheng was staying.I ordered not Amaret, but Aperol.Always drank this when I went to the food bar with my classmates in high school.Not too strong orange liquor. In the bar, let's get nostalgic first.A British-made speedoda that Japan, university, and Junzheng rode at that time.Chong, the girl who lives next door to my dorm and likes Louis Vuitton bags.The menu of the school cafeteria, Umegaoka Town, Hanegi Park.

Memories poured out like a tide, and words overflowed, as if waiting to be uttered.Simply talk until empty. While speaking, I was surprised that I could still remember things that I thought I couldn't remember.At that time, Shunzheng's room without air-conditioning was stuffy in summer, Shunzheng's brass bolt puller had a small sailboat pattern on the top, and Shunzheng's grandpa painted an abstract oil painting that could not distinguish the contrast between green and yellow. Language is like symbols.It is precisely because it is a symbol that it can slip out of the mouth so easily.Without saying anything important.

Shun Zheng seemed to have completely relaxed.I know it looks like this to me too.Even though we are not at ease with each other. Have another drink? Shunzheng asked, I shook my head. Then, go back to your room, shall we? Shunzheng's words sounded like simple questions.The honesty and gentleness in Shunzheng's voice told me that it's okay to refuse.That really resembled Shunzheng's cruelty. Um! I smile.I don't care, okay, so be it!It seems that I think so in my heart. In the past, we were all students, and when we were lovers who had a close relationship like brother and sister, I was very happy living in Shunzheng's house.Not for the sex, just for the pleasure of being able to sleep next to each other.When we sleep that way, we tend to snore at the same speed, in the same rhythm.I met the same cells in the unknown mother country Japan. I thought we were inseparable.I thought it was impossible to reminisce like this after we broke up. Shunzheng has lived in the room for more than a month. Although the room is small, it is very comfortable. The window overlooks the street and the river.A room with honey-coloured wallpaper. How strange!I thought I could never think of Japan again. I sat on the edge of the bed, trying to continue the topic of memories. sunflower. There is no preface.Shun was standing in front of me, pushing down my body while blocking my lips.Even if I close my eyes, I absolutely know, Shunzheng's skin, Shunzheng's breath. sunflower. I whispered my name intermittently in my ear.Before I thought that's it, my arms were tightly wrapped around Shunzheng, and before I thought that's it, my fingers were on Shunzheng's back.I have always wanted to do this.so longing. This is what I long for.I don't care anymore.Where neither words nor memory can reach.A place for only two people.Milan, Ma Wu, and Shunzheng, whom I don't know, have been unable to catch up in the past ten years. I really want to see you. I was finally able to say this.I really want to see you, from the bottom of my heart. As the train slid into the platform of Grand Central Station, a businessman seated diagonally across from him wrote a picture postcard with a suitcase on his back.He put the ballpoint pen in his coat pocket and the picture postcard in his suitcase and got up in a hurry. It's dusk.Overcast, iron-gray dusk. Shunzheng is right. That's clear.It's just that I just can't get rid of the feeling of being abandoned. Shunzheng didn't keep me, and I couldn't say that I hoped he would keep me. This is the second time he was abandoned by Shunzheng.Thinking of this, I smiled weakly. Are you okay? This morning, Paula's worried voice came from the microphone. There is no problem in the store, and Albert is there.Didn't I say it already.Where are you now?Daniela is very worried about you, running away like this is not like you at all. Her articulate Italian made me smile. Sorry to bother you.I'm fine. I'm fine.Come back in the evening and start working tomorrow. Daniela in Milan, Paula and Gina in Milan.Starting tomorrow, I'm going to start my life from scratch.After going to work, seeing off Ma Wu, who was so considerate until the end, he started again.A person does not return to a certain place in his life, but lives only where he exists. I bought Coca-Cola at the station store and drank it standing in front of the store. Finally back here. When Shunzheng stroked my hair and said this, I leaned my head on Shunzheng's shoulder and thought the same thing in my heart.Finally able to come back here!Shunzheng's body is warm and strong, just big enough to wrap around my body tightly. We sleep close together like brother and sister.Like happy and unfortunate, arrogant and savage brother and sister. When I woke up, the room was full of sunlight. Come and see! Shun, who was only wearing underwear, stood by the window and called me. look! Aruno River.The morning light was shining brightly on the river. May 26, 2000. I said.I thought, how great it would be if I could start a new life with yesterday as the boundary! Shunzheng hugged me from behind, and we just looked at the river for a while, just like we used to look at Hanegi Park outside the window of Umegaoka's apartment in the same posture. Where are you going today? I asked cheerfully, and Shunzheng replied loudly: casual. Eat breakfast first. Understood, let's have breakfast first. We are tourists.Cheerful and fleeting sightseer. Let's go to the art gallery.Stroll through the Legion Square and visit the Church of Ossan Migelie.Cross the bridge to see the church with Adam and Eve driven out of the Garden of Eden.warm days.I looked at the painting, and my chest tightened.I think of his enthusiasm and dedication to painting in the distant past, which made me feel half loved, half jealous, and mostly lonely. It's brilliant, this painting. Shun was standing in front of the Raphael paintings displayed in the Palatin Gallery. With a melancholy but infinitely gentle expression. I don't know how to draw at all.I just want to keep in my heart the voice and tone of Shunzheng, who is as enthusiastic and excited as I saw it for the first time no matter how many times I watched it. We also hugged and slept that night.After almost rough sex.In a room with honey-coloured wallpaper. love you! I say good night. I love you! Junzheng said this with the weight of words without any extra emotion.That's right.I always knew. How much time is left for this? After thinking this way, I gradually became sad.Maybe it's the same for Shunzheng.We knew it well, but we all put it aside in silence. There is one more day. I thought before falling asleep. Fortunately, there is one more day. The third day was also sunny. Call room service for coffee.Sadness reaches its limit. Where are you going today? My voice is no longer cheerful. sunflower. The voice was distorted in pain, but Shun Zheng said without taking his eyes off my face.I do not want to hear.So say it.I do not want to hear! sunflower. Shunzheng said it again. come over! A gentle voice, almost cruel and gentle.I sat on the edge of the bed and leaned into Shunzheng's arms like a child being called, with a coffee cup in my hand. Tell me about you! Shunzheng kissed my head, stroked my hair and said. Tell me about your life now! I took a small breath and exhaled.Turning around to look at Shunzheng's face.Looks like a sad face.Then he spoke facing forward.I work in Gina and Paula's jewelry store, met Ma Wu there, lived together, Daniela got married and gave birth to a daughter, Federica is still healthy and healthy, and often treats me to tea and dinner. I didn't say I broke up with Ma Wu.Do not know why. Sounds like happiness. I looked ahead and nodded lightly, as lightly as a blink of an eye. Shunzheng kissed my hair again.Incomparably gentle.After that, speak slowly.In order to work as a painting restorer, she came to Florence, met her teacher, and became her painting model.Shunzheng talked lightly about the work of painting restoration.Restoration is the only profession in the world that can retrieve lost time. Then he mentioned a woman named Yashi.An unrestrained, willful but frank woman like a kitten. The important painting was cut, returned to Japan, Yashi chased after him, and grandpa was hospitalized.The teacher passed away and returned to Florence. After speaking, Shunzheng took a sip of coffee. Wandering guy. I remembered seeing him in the cathedral with his thin-cheeked, lean but tired expression. Shunzheng. I faced Shunzheng with my whole body, and touched his cheek with one hand. Um? But, I know, there's nothing I can do.This man has begun to build his life beyond my reach. Shunzheng. Shunzheng.Shunzheng.Shunzheng.I called out several times and pulled his hands to stand up. Again!let's fall in love.fiercely.To the point where you don't know how much I want to see you. Hey, hey! Shunzheng smiled inexplicably, but still replied: Yes, of course! We fall on the bed.In the room, overflowing with white light.Lips full of sadness are overlapped, and a body whose story is about to end overlaps.full of love.in despair.In a place that connects the past and the future. You are getting bolder. After shed a lot of sweet sweat, Shunzheng teased me in the quilt and said: You've refused to do it in the sun before. Alas, got used to it. I boasted and stood up, Go for a delicious lunch!Because I have to take the train back in the afternoon. Shunzheng's expression didn't change.Looking straight into my face.What I love is that Shunzheng did not retain my integrity and honesty. Shunzheng suddenly relaxed, smiled and said: I know, don't worry, I won't keep you. I hope Shunzheng didn't notice the distortion of my expression. Aoi, it's great to meet you! By the way, it sounds like saying I love you. me too. After taking a shower, we went to have lunch in Florence at noon on a sunny day.