Chapter 18 Chapter Eighteen

The next day, Julia spoke to Dolly on her private phone. Baby, it seems like we haven't seen each other for a long time.What have you been up to these days? there is nothing. Dolly's voice sounded cold. Listen, Roger is coming home tomorrow.You know he's leaving Eton forever.I'll send a car to pick him up early in the morning, and I'd like to invite you to lunch.Not a party; just you and me, Michael and Roger. I'm going out for lunch tomorrow. For twenty years she had never been unavailable for anything Julia asked her to do together.The voice on the phone was very rude.

Dolly, how can you be so unfriendly?Roger will be very disappointed.It's his first day at home; and I'd love to see you.I haven't seen you for a long time, and I miss you very much.Can you miss an appointment, just for once, honey, and we can have a quick chat after dinner, just the two of you? When Julia coaxed a man, no one could do it better than her, no voice was as sweet as hers, or as infectious as hers.After a pause, Julia knew Dolly was wrestling with her own hurt feelings. All right baby, I'll figure it out. baby.But as soon as Julia hung up, she grunted through gritted teeth: This old cow.

Here comes Dolly.Roger listened politely to her saying that he had grown up, and when she made the perfunctory remarks she thought she should make to a child of his age, he responded with a dignified smile.Julia was puzzled by him.He was taciturn and seemed to be listening intently to others, but she had a strange feeling that he was preoccupied with his own thoughts.He watched them with detached curiosity, as if watching animals in a zoo.This is somewhat disconcerting.She waited for her opportunity, and uttered a short sentence which she had prepared for Dolly. Ah, Roger, baby, you know your poor papa isn't free tonight.I have two tickets for the second show at the Palladium, and Tom wants you to dine with him at the Café Royal.

oh!He paused.Hurrah. She turned to Dolly. How nice it would be for Roger to have someone like Tom to play with.They're good friends, you know. Michael glanced at Dolly.His eyes gleamed triumphantly.He spoke. Tom is a very decent young man.He wouldn't let Roger get into any trouble. I thought Roger liked the company of his fellow Etonians, said Dolly. Old cows, Julia thought.old cow. But when lunch was over, she asked Dolly to go up to her room. I'm going to bed for a while, you can talk to me while I'm resting.Let's gossip about the girls, that's what I'm going to do.

She put her loving arm around Dolly's large waist and led her upstairs.They talked for a while about insignificant things, dress and servants, make-up and scandal; then Julia, leaning on her elbows, looked at Dolly with trusting eyes. Dolly, I want to talk to you about something.I need someone to discuss with. In this world, you are the only one I want to hear most.I know I can count on you. Of course, baby. People seem to be saying bad things about me.Somebody told Michael in front of him that people were buzzing about me and poor Tom.Launer gossip. Though her eyes still had that charming, infectious light she knew Dolly couldn't resist, she watched the other closely, to see if there would be a shock or a change in her face.She sees nothing.

Who told Michael? I have no idea.He refused to say.You know what a real gentleman he is. She didn't know if it was just her imagination, it seemed that Dolly relaxed a little when she heard this. I want to get to the truth, Dolly. I'm glad you asked me, baby.You know how much I hate meddling in other people's affairs.If you hadn't raised the question yourself, I wouldn't have raised it anyway. My dear, if I don't know that you are my faithful friend, who does? Dolly took off her shoes and sat down firmly in the chair.Julia's eyes never left her. You know how bad people are.You have always lived such a lawful and orderly life.You don't go out much, and only Michael or Charles.Temery for company.Charles is different; of course, he is known to have admired you for years.And it seems ridiculous that you'd suddenly be hanging around with a clerk in the accounting firm who's keeping your books.

He's not just a clerk.His father bought shares in the firm for him, and he was a small partner. Yes, he gets four hundred pounds a year. How did you know?Julia immediately asked. She must have embarrassed Dolly now. You once advised me to go to his office for advice on my income tax problems.It was told to me by one of the key partners there.It seemed a little strange that for so little money he could live in an apartment, dress like that, and take people to nightclubs. Maybe his father also gave him an allowance, that's unknown. His father was a lawyer in north London.You should be very clear that if he has bought him shares and put him in the gang, it is impossible to give him additional allowances.

You don't imagine me raising him as my lover, Julia said, with a crisp laugh. I don't think so, baby.Others will. Julia neither liked what Dolly said nor the way she said it.But she showed no sign of uneasiness. It's just ridiculous.His friendship with Roger far exceeds his friendship with me.Of course I used to run around with him.I feel like my life is too rigid.I'm getting tired of going to the theater every day, playing it safe.This is not life.After all, if I don't have a little fun now, I'll never be, and I'm getting older every year, you know, Dolly, there's no denying that.You know what kind of a man Michael is; sure he's gentle, but he's annoying.

Couldn't be more tiresome than it used to be, said Dolly sharply. I always thought that it is absolutely impossible for people to imagine that I would have any ambiguous relationship with a child twenty years younger than me. Twenty-five, Dolly corrected her.I think so.Unfortunately, however, he was not very cautious. What do you mean by that? Well, he told Avis.Creighton says he'll get her a part in your next play. Who is Avis?Creighton? Oh, she's a young actress I know.She is as beautiful as a painting. He's still a fool.He probably thought he could sway Michael.He had no idea what Michael thought about his small role in the play.

Tom says you can do whatever he wants you to do.He said you were completely at his command. Thankfully Julia is a brilliant actress.Her heart stopped for a second.How could he say such a thing?The bastard.The bloody bastard.But she immediately calmed down and smiled easily. What nonsense!I don't believe a word of it! He was a very ordinary, even rather vulgar lad.It's no surprise if you drive him to his head by being overly concerned with him. Julia smiled kindly, and looked at her frankly. But, darling, you don't think he's my lover, do you? If I think no, I'm the only one who thinks no.

So do you think so? For a moment Dolly didn't answer.They stared at each other, and hated each other; but Julia smiled. If you solemnly swear to me on your honor that he is not, then of course I believe you. Julia kept her voice low and deep.There was a real sincerity in the tone. I've never lied to you once, Dolly, and I can't have lied at my age.I solemnly swear that Tom has remained no more than an ordinary friend of mine. You have removed a heavy stone from my heart. Julia knew Dolly didn't believe her, and Dolly knew Julia knew it.She went on to say: But in that case, dear Julia, you must keep your head clear for your own sake.Don't hang out with this guy anymore.get rid of him. Oh I can't do that.This is tantamount to admitting that what people think is right.Anyway, I have a clear conscience.I can be justified.I should despise myself if I allow my actions to be influenced by malicious slander. Dolly slipped her feet into her shoes and painted her lips with lipstick from her handbag. Well, honey, you should be old enough to know how to make up your own mind. They parted indifferently. But one or two words from Dolly had shocked Julia greatly.They frustrate her.What disturbed her was that gossip came so close to the truth.But what's the big deal?How many women have lovers, but who cares?And an actress.No one expects an actress to be a model of conformity. It's my damned virtue.Therein lies the crux of the trouble. She used to have the reputation of a flawless and chaste woman, and the slanderous tongue could not touch her, but now it seemed that her reputation was just a cage she had built for herself.But there are worse ones.What did Tom mean when he said she was completely at his command?This is a great insult to her.This muddy boy.Where did he have such courage?She didn't know how to deal with it.She would have liked to berate him for it.What's the use?He will deny it.The only way was to say nothing; things were bad enough now, and she had to bear it all.It's impossible not to face the fact that he doesn't love her, he's her lover because it satisfies his ego, because it gets him all the things he wants, because it gives him some place, at least in his mind . If I had brains, I should get rid of him.She gave an annoyed laugh.Easy to say.I love him. Strangely, looking into the depths of her heart, it was not Julia who resented the insult.Lambert, a woman, she didn't care about herself; what hurt her was Julia.An insult to the actress Lambert.She often thinks her talent theater critics call it genius, but that's a heavy word, so let's say her talent isn't really in herself, or even a part of her, but something outside The thing was using her, Julia, to express itself.It seemed to come to her as a strange and invisible personality, and it worked through her all that she didn't know she could do.She was an ordinary, somewhat pretty, half-aged woman.Her talent is both ageless and formless.It was a spirit that worked on her as a fiddler plays on a fiddle.It was the simplicity of the spirit that annoyed her. She tried to sleep.She is used to taking a nap in the afternoon, and she can fall asleep as soon as she calms down, but this time she can't fall asleep even though she tosses and turns.Finally she looked at the clock.Tom usually gets back from the office a little after five.She longed to see him; there was peace in his arms, and with him all was lost.She dialed his number. Hello?Yes.Who are you? She pressed the microphone to her ear, dumbfounded.It was Roger's voice.She hung up the phone.