Chapter 19 Chapter Nineteen

Julia did not sleep well that night either.She was awake when she heard Roger coming home, turned on the light, and saw four o'clock on the clock.She frowned. The next morning, as she was about to get up, he came clattering down the stone stairs. can i come in, mom? come in. He was still in his pajamas and dressing gown.She smiled at him because he looked so fresh, so young. You played late last night. No, not very late.It's only one o'clock when I get home. lie.I look at the clock.It's four o'clock. All right.That's four o'clock, he readily agreed. What the hell are you doing?

We finished the play and went to a place for dinner.We're still dancing. dance with? We found two girls at random.Tom had known them for a long time. What are their names? One is Jill and the other is Joan.I don't know their last names.Joan is a stage actress.She asked me if I could have her as an understudy in your next play. Anyway, neither of them was Avis.Creighton.The name had been on Dolly's mind ever since it was mentioned. But those places don't stay open until four o'clock. No, we went back to Tom's apartment.Tom told me to promise not to tell you.He said you're going to be furious.

Oh, my dear, I will never get offended over such a trifle.Don't worry, I won't say a word. If you are to blame, blame me.It was I who went to Tom yesterday afternoon and arranged all this.All that stuff about love that we see in plays and read about in novels.I'm almost eighteen.I figured I'd see for myself what this was all about. Julia sat up straight in bed and stared at Roger with wide, suspicious eyes. Roger, what do you mean by that? He was serious and unperturbed. Tom said he knew two girls, both nice.Both turned out to be his own.They lived together, so we called and asked them to come and see us after the show.He said to them, I am a boy, and they had better toss a coin to see whom they should give me.We went back to Tom's apartment and he took Jill into the bedroom and left me with the living room and Joan.

She wasn't thinking of Tom now, but was flustered by what Roger was saying. I guess it's really nothing.I don't see what all the fuss is about. She couldn't speak.Hot tears welled up in his eyes and trickled down his face. Mom, what's the matter?why are you crying But you are still a child. He walked up to her, sat down on the edge of her bed, and took her in his arms. Dear mother, don't cry.If I knew it would annoy you, I wouldn't tell you.Anyway, this is what will happen sooner or later. But it's too early.too early.It makes me feel how old I am. You are not old, my dear.Age did not age her, nor habit corrupted her infinite artifices. (Note: Quoted from Shakespeare's play "Antony and Cleopatra"; the quote here is the praise of her beauty by one of Anthony's subordinates.)

She giggled through tears. You fool, Roger, do you think Cleopatra would like that old jackass' praise of her?You should wait a while longer. It's not bad to wait.I know all about this stuff now.To be honest with you, I think it's kind of disgusting. She sighed deeply.She found it comforting that he held her so lovingly.But she was deeply depressed. Are you not mad at me, dear?he asks. angry?No.But if it's going to happen, I hope it's not so bland.And listening to your tone, it seems that it was just a curious experiment. I see how this is the case. She gave him a small smile.

Do you really think this is love? Well, most people think so, don't they? No, they don't think so, they think it's pain and torment, humiliation and carnival, heaven and hell; Slavery is both tranquility and anxiety. The stillness with which he listened to her made her look at him from under her eyelashes.There was a strange look in his eyes.She didn't know what that meant.He seemed to be listening intently to some sound coming from far away. That doesn't sound like a very interesting thing, he whispered. She cupped his smooth face in both hands and kissed his lips.

I'm such a fool, aren't I?You see, I still think of you as a little baby in my arms. A gleam of joy flashed in his eyes. What are you laughing at, you monkey? This would make for a stunning photo, wouldn't it? She couldn't help laughing. you pig.You dirty pig. Let me tell you, about the prep, can I have Joan try it? Tell her to come see me another day. But when Roger was gone, she sighed.She is frustrated.She felt very alone and lonely.Her life had been so colorful and exciting that she hadn't had time to care about Roger.Of course, she had worried her a lot during his whooping cough and measles days, but he was always in good health most of the time, so she put him comfortably behind her.But when she thinks about taking care of him, she always feels that she should take care of him. She often thinks that when he grows up, he can really share the common fun with her, that would be great.Now she suddenly found that she had never really had him, but had lost him, which shocked her greatly.She bit her lips tightly thinking of the girl who had taken him from her.

Reserve cast.screw you! She was so full of pain that she failed to feel the grief she might have felt at finding out that Tom had a new love.She had always known that he had been unfaithful to her.With his youth, his dissolute nature, and her own entanglement with the performances in the theater and the entertainments her position imposed on her, it was evident that he had plenty of opportunity to do as he pleased.She always keeps her eyes closed.She begged not to know.It was the first time that this real matter was clearly presented in front of her. I have to just live with it, she sighs.Various thoughts swirled in her head.It's like lying and not knowing you're lying, that's the bad part; I think it's better to be a fool and know you're a fool than to be a fool and not know you're a fool.